1 00:00:03,260 --> 00:00:05,689 One of the reasons Turk and I are so popular around here 2 00:00:05,690 --> 00:00:07,554 is that we love helping our fellow doctors. 3 00:00:07,589 --> 00:00:09,568 - Hey, Hooch. - That's my name. 4 00:00:09,752 --> 00:00:11,095 Don't wear it out. 5 00:00:11,306 --> 00:00:12,757 Classic Hooch. 6 00:00:13,105 --> 00:00:14,689 Listen, even though I'm not gonna be paid, 7 00:00:14,690 --> 00:00:16,500 I'm gonna cover your shift at the clinic tonight 8 00:00:16,501 --> 00:00:18,008 so you can do Mr. Schindler's endoscopy. 9 00:00:18,043 --> 00:00:20,484 And I'm gonna cross-cover all of Dr. Turner's patients 10 00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,796 so Turner can assist you on the procedure. 11 00:00:22,977 --> 00:00:24,901 Why are you guys going through so much trouble? 12 00:00:25,047 --> 00:00:27,630 Who's doing the endoscopy on Mr Schindler? 13 00:00:28,384 --> 00:00:30,016 - Turner and Hooch! - Turner and Hooch! 14 00:00:32,804 --> 00:00:34,665 - All right. - Were you doing Hooch? 15 00:00:35,449 --> 00:00:37,197 Everyone hates you guys. 16 00:00:37,547 --> 00:00:38,415 Oh, Hooch! 17 00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:39,982 Hooch is crazy! 18 00:00:40,017 --> 00:00:43,182 As much as Hooch loved us, it was even better to see Turk happy. 19 00:00:43,382 --> 00:00:45,951 See, he and Carla had recently started couples therapy, 20 00:00:45,952 --> 00:00:48,359 and I'm not sure he was enjoying it. 21 00:00:49,168 --> 00:00:51,264 Carla says you cry after you orgasm. 22 00:00:51,661 --> 00:00:53,332 Would you like to talk about that? 23 00:00:53,526 --> 00:00:55,165 No, not really. 24 00:00:56,662 --> 00:00:58,650 I decided to help their marriage by moving out, 25 00:00:58,651 --> 00:01:01,725 partly because Carla and I had accidentally kissed and messed things up, 26 00:01:01,726 --> 00:01:03,049 but mostly because it was time. 27 00:01:03,465 --> 00:01:05,844 Still, finding an apartment has not been easy. 28 00:01:05,879 --> 00:01:07,654 I'm so sorry about your father. 29 00:01:08,045 --> 00:01:10,182 I'm sure he lived a wonderful life at 30 00:01:10,217 --> 00:01:13,512 14 Maple Drive, apartment 4b. 31 00:01:14,152 --> 00:01:17,963 Was he lucky enough to enjoy a washer and dryer in his unit while he was alive? 32 00:01:20,323 --> 00:01:22,487 Ever mention any hot neighbors? 33 00:01:24,967 --> 00:01:26,437 What are you doing in the on-call room? 34 00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:27,839 Nothing. 35 00:01:28,058 --> 00:01:29,400 - I gotta go. - Ok. 36 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,832 Thankfully, Turk had gotten over the whole kissing incident. 37 00:01:32,867 --> 00:01:35,465 Still, there's a weird new thing he does whenever he says good-bye. 38 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:36,946 Ok, I'll see you around. 39 00:01:38,836 --> 00:01:40,490 Peace, homey. 40 00:01:41,625 --> 00:01:44,650 Uh, do you guys think that Clarissa is more attractive than me? 41 00:01:44,685 --> 00:01:45,545 Yes. 42 00:01:47,145 --> 00:01:48,576 Who's... Clarissa? 43 00:01:48,611 --> 00:01:50,880 She's the short, balding woman in the pharmacy. 44 00:01:50,972 --> 00:01:52,546 Oh, then definitely yes. 45 00:01:52,945 --> 00:01:55,708 She just got engaged, Bad comb-over and all! 46 00:01:55,743 --> 00:01:57,304 When Clarissa beats you to the altar, 47 00:01:57,305 --> 00:01:58,908 it might be time to hang up the ovaries. 48 00:01:59,032 --> 00:02:00,092 Too mean! 49 00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:02,305 How am I supposed to met a guy worth a damn working in this place?! 50 00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:04,341 Are the guys here really that bad? 51 00:02:06,185 --> 00:02:08,188 12 minutes door to door! 52 00:02:08,637 --> 00:02:11,373 That's a personal best, suckos! 53 00:02:13,358 --> 00:02:15,227 Nurse, suction. 54 00:02:15,416 --> 00:02:17,044 The patient's not even here yet. 55 00:02:17,848 --> 00:02:19,424 I know. 56 00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:24,778 I just wish once a cute, thoughtful guy would walk through the door. 57 00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:27,737 - Hi.- Hi. 58 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:28,518 Can I get some help? 59 00:02:28,553 --> 00:02:30,715 My neighbor fainted, and she doesn't like ambulances, 60 00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,124 so I brought her in myself. 61 00:02:32,159 --> 00:02:34,047 Let me take this one, Jenny. You've got a phone call. 62 00:02:34,082 --> 00:02:35,490 Oh. I'll call them back. 63 00:02:35,972 --> 00:02:37,166 Your mom died. 64 00:02:37,377 --> 00:02:39,101 What?! 65 00:02:39,725 --> 00:02:42,392 Her mom's fine. It's just a little running joke we have. 66 00:02:42,807 --> 00:02:46,002 She'll be laughing later. Got you, Jenny! 67 00:02:46,596 --> 00:02:49,420 Dead mom joke's always funny. 68 00:02:50,533 --> 00:02:57,005 Subtitles by nColas, Raceman, Travis, Eyedol and Sulina 69 00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:00,958 Scrubs episode 4x23 My Faith In Humanity 70 00:03:00,993 --> 00:03:03,154 www.forom.com 71 00:03:03,994 --> 00:03:05,960 So, Betty, you're back with us, 72 00:03:05,995 --> 00:03:08,160 and I see you brought a young, handsome buck with you. 73 00:03:08,161 --> 00:03:09,696 What are you trying? To make me jealous? 74 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,070 You know you're my gal. 75 00:03:11,105 --> 00:03:12,679 Who are you? 76 00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:13,587 I'm Dr Dorian. 77 00:03:13,622 --> 00:03:17,154 I'm the one that's taken care of you the last 19 times you've been in here. 78 00:03:17,189 --> 00:03:18,699 She's getting a little forgetful. 79 00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:20,757 You know how that happens. Are you a relative? 80 00:03:20,792 --> 00:03:22,032 No. Neighbor. 81 00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:23,656 I only met her once. 82 00:03:23,691 --> 00:03:27,351 It was raining, and you were wearing a blue sweater. 83 00:03:27,386 --> 00:03:29,361 That's a lovely memory, Betty. 84 00:03:29,396 --> 00:03:31,143 You know what else is a lovely memory? 85 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,590 That sunday I spent 8 hours helping you to join the Wilford Brimley fan club. 86 00:03:35,446 --> 00:03:36,952 You don't remember that, do you? 87 00:03:36,987 --> 00:03:39,371 If everything's all right here, I'm kinda on my way to the airport. 88 00:03:39,406 --> 00:03:41,959 I'm going kayaking with some friends in New Zealand. 89 00:03:41,994 --> 00:03:43,253 Cool. 90 00:03:43,288 --> 00:03:44,554 So, what are you gonna do there? 91 00:03:44,589 --> 00:03:46,100 Mostly kayaking. 92 00:03:48,205 --> 00:03:51,041 So, Betty, I'll check on you the second I get back, ok? 93 00:03:51,076 --> 00:03:52,256 You get better now. 94 00:03:52,869 --> 00:03:55,328 So, Elliot, the first thing we're gonna need to do is-- 95 00:03:56,057 --> 00:03:58,403 Is Dr. Reid coming back? 96 00:03:58,438 --> 00:03:59,894 Oh don't worry about her, Betty. 97 00:03:59,895 --> 00:04:01,577 You're in good hands with Dr. Dorian. 98 00:04:01,733 --> 00:04:02,878 Who's that? 99 00:04:02,913 --> 00:04:05,548 That's me, Betty, Dr. Dorian. 100 00:04:05,583 --> 00:04:09,419 Cocoon. Wilford Brimley, Steve Guttenberg, the whole day. No? 101 00:04:10,223 --> 00:04:11,187 Hey, Jake... 102 00:04:11,388 --> 00:04:12,973 So, you're probably rushing home to 103 00:04:12,974 --> 00:04:15,282 wipe the old person smell off before your trip, uh? 104 00:04:15,468 --> 00:04:16,379 Excuse me? 105 00:04:16,414 --> 00:04:19,092 No, I'm just kidding. I love old people. 106 00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:21,575 Still, there's no denying they have a distinctive smell. 107 00:04:21,610 --> 00:04:23,439 I mean, it's nothing bad, it's like a... 108 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,701 general mustiness. 109 00:04:27,221 --> 00:04:30,980 Like, you know, when you get your cast taken off, and, 110 00:04:31,175 --> 00:04:32,694 skin mold. 111 00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:36,833 Well, I got a flight to catch. 112 00:04:36,868 --> 00:04:38,464 You guys need me to sign anything? 113 00:04:38,499 --> 00:04:39,788 No. You're good. 114 00:04:39,823 --> 00:04:45,045 Ok, then. 115 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,723 That's tough there, Barbie. 116 00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:51,044 That was one potent combination of verbal diarrhea and stunned silence. 117 00:04:51,079 --> 00:04:53,526 You should have just asked him out. Men love that. 118 00:04:53,695 --> 00:04:55,733 No, Carla, men don't love that. 119 00:04:55,768 --> 00:04:58,812 It turns out we don't love picnics, foreplay, candles, baths, 120 00:04:58,813 --> 00:05:01,557 photo albums, or when you drive "so that we can relax", 121 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:04,259 and as always, we're not that big on Hugues Jackman. 122 00:05:04,623 --> 00:05:05,402 Look here. 123 00:05:05,437 --> 00:05:09,276 The only thing men actually care about as far as dating is concerned is the chase. 124 00:05:09,277 --> 00:05:12,460 So if you want that guy to look in your way, listen to me carefully. 125 00:05:12,495 --> 00:05:15,165 Ignore the living hell out of him. 126 00:05:15,474 --> 00:05:17,508 That's the worst advise I've ever heard. 127 00:05:17,543 --> 00:05:19,002 Good point Carla. Say, 128 00:05:19,037 --> 00:05:21,504 you don't happen to have any other gems you wanna lay on us 129 00:05:21,505 --> 00:05:23,721 before you run off to couples therapy to sift through 130 00:05:23,722 --> 00:05:26,607 the wreckage that is the first year of your marriage, do ya? 131 00:05:26,642 --> 00:05:29,788 Look, Dr. Cox, I'm sure you're fantastic at picking up men. 132 00:05:29,823 --> 00:05:30,694 Really. 133 00:05:31,774 --> 00:05:34,198 But I can handle this one on my own. Thank you. 134 00:05:36,428 --> 00:05:39,777 Some people just cannot take a good "your mom is dead" joke. You know. 135 00:05:41,895 --> 00:05:46,178 Anyway, I worry that sometimes when I'm tense, 136 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:48,021 I could be a little condescending. 137 00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:50,038 Actually, I've noticed that. 138 00:05:50,073 --> 00:05:52,745 Have you really noticed it, Mr. Terapist?! 139 00:05:53,355 --> 00:05:55,603 Chris, what's going on with you? 140 00:05:56,011 --> 00:05:57,705 Nothing worth talking about. 141 00:05:57,740 --> 00:05:58,830 This is your third visit, 142 00:05:58,831 --> 00:06:01,491 and you've yet to say anything real about how you're feeling. 143 00:06:01,526 --> 00:06:04,206 That's because I don't think there's anything wrong with our relationship. 144 00:06:04,548 --> 00:06:06,799 I think you pretend that everything's ok, 145 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,314 even though deep down inside, a lot of things are bothering you. 146 00:06:10,349 --> 00:06:13,648 So, come on. Tell me what you're thinking right now. 147 00:06:13,683 --> 00:06:15,796 I'm staring at that picture above your head. 148 00:06:16,195 --> 00:06:19,011 Yeah, now, is that one of those psychological ink-blot tests 149 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:22,077 where I try to figure out what it is? Because if so... 150 00:06:22,765 --> 00:06:24,865 I'm seeing a duck. 151 00:06:26,164 --> 00:06:28,498 - Let's take a break. - Okay. 152 00:06:29,715 --> 00:06:32,852 But Hooch, if the patient just has simple cellulitis, 153 00:06:32,853 --> 00:06:34,924 why aren't the antibiotics working? 154 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:38,561 Damn it, Turner, it just doesn't make sense. 155 00:06:39,095 --> 00:06:41,558 Even though I had created a supermedical crime-fighting team, 156 00:06:41,593 --> 00:06:43,325 I felt lousy. 157 00:06:43,443 --> 00:06:45,924 See, I had just told Betty that her lungs had finally given out, 158 00:06:45,925 --> 00:06:48,057 and that she wasn't gonna leave the hospital this time. 159 00:06:48,092 --> 00:06:49,352 So, 160 00:06:50,690 --> 00:06:53,292 what are my choices? 161 00:06:53,669 --> 00:06:55,817 Well, we could put you on a breathing machine, 162 00:06:55,852 --> 00:06:58,032 but it's unlike that you'd ever come off of it. 163 00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:01,436 Or I could just make sure that you're as comfortableas possible. 164 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,722 "As comfortable as possible." 165 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,776 I've said that a million times and I still have no idea what it means. 166 00:07:07,030 --> 00:07:10,421 There you go Betty. That's every cotton ball in the hospital. 167 00:07:11,477 --> 00:07:17,334 I am very, very confortable. 168 00:07:18,126 --> 00:07:20,105 Then you're ready to die. 169 00:07:21,406 --> 00:07:24,182 Look, Betty, is there anyone you'd like to talk this over with? 170 00:07:27,884 --> 00:07:30,312 She just wants to talk to you for a minute. 171 00:07:30,347 --> 00:07:31,455 Yeah? About what? 172 00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:34,249 Just about how and when she should die. 173 00:07:34,284 --> 00:07:35,294 Oh, that's not a problem. 174 00:07:35,295 --> 00:07:37,596 I counsel most of my random neighbors on their deathbeds. 175 00:07:37,778 --> 00:07:39,868 Look, this woman is alone, she's depressed, 176 00:07:39,869 --> 00:07:42,784 and for some reason she feels like she's connected with you. 177 00:07:42,819 --> 00:07:44,451 Look, I'm sorry. I wouldn't know what to say. 178 00:07:44,486 --> 00:07:45,312 That's great. 179 00:07:45,347 --> 00:07:47,677 Keep it light. Open with a joke, and before you know it, 180 00:07:47,678 --> 00:07:50,291 you and your raft will be on a 4-hour trip to New Zealand. 181 00:07:50,326 --> 00:07:52,069 No, it's more like 14 hours. 182 00:07:52,168 --> 00:07:53,763 Oh, no, you're dangerously close to 183 00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,906 revealing that geography is your Achilles heel. 184 00:07:55,941 --> 00:07:58,318 Say something smart to regain credibility. 185 00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:01,565 Vaso-vagal syncope is mediated by the autonomic nervous system. 186 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,597 And Betty needs you, pal. She does. 187 00:08:03,632 --> 00:08:05,028 Come on. Do it. 188 00:08:05,063 --> 00:08:06,341 You'll feel good. Trust me. 189 00:08:06,476 --> 00:08:08,764 Trust you? You don't even know where New Zealand is. 190 00:08:09,736 --> 00:08:12,297 You can dance your way there from Old Zealand. 191 00:08:12,824 --> 00:08:14,366 You an idiot? 192 00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,010 Elliot... 193 00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:19,235 My neighbor fainted, too. 194 00:08:19,403 --> 00:08:21,032 Hey, you want to go clubbing tonight? 195 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,899 And I don't mean dancing. I mean going up to the roof and killing rats. 196 00:08:23,934 --> 00:08:25,672 Janitor, I thought we were done with this. 197 00:08:25,707 --> 00:08:27,102 I know. Thought I'd give it a shot. 198 00:08:28,548 --> 00:08:30,517 Just put her back in her room. 199 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:31,799 She's not a patient. 200 00:08:31,834 --> 00:08:33,711 I got her at the mall. 201 00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:35,880 Better get you back to the food court, huh? 202 00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:37,808 Your husband's probably come to by now. 203 00:08:39,668 --> 00:08:42,512 Oh, my god, here he comes. Ok, this is easy. 204 00:08:42,513 --> 00:08:45,545 Just compliment him. Tell him he has a square head. 205 00:08:45,580 --> 00:08:47,842 That's not a compliment. What shape is a compliment? 206 00:08:48,087 --> 00:08:50,028 Triangle? Uh, pyramid? 207 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,131 Circle. Circle head. 208 00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:54,135 Oh, my god, you're stuck on shapes, and square head's almost here! 209 00:08:54,170 --> 00:08:56,405 To hell with it. Just do what Dr. Cox said and ignore him. 210 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:57,546 Hey, Elliot. 211 00:09:00,308 --> 00:09:02,452 That girl's kind cute. What's her story? 212 00:09:03,570 --> 00:09:04,711 She's a dude. 213 00:09:04,905 --> 00:09:06,083 Yeah? 214 00:09:06,299 --> 00:09:08,651 Gotta look at the Adam's apple, buddy. 215 00:09:09,111 --> 00:09:10,741 Couples therapy is killing me. 216 00:09:10,776 --> 00:09:12,223 I don't know how you do it-- 217 00:09:12,258 --> 00:09:15,238 Make love with your lady in front of some old dude who's filming you? 218 00:09:15,427 --> 00:09:17,184 That's not couples therapy, Todd. 219 00:09:17,547 --> 00:09:18,740 Then what did I do? 220 00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:19,953 You did amateur porn. 221 00:09:20,507 --> 00:09:21,821 Sweet. 222 00:09:23,555 --> 00:09:24,842 J.D. you got a sec? 223 00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,135 Sure. I'll be with you in a minute, man. 224 00:09:27,170 --> 00:09:28,192 So check this out. 225 00:09:28,227 --> 00:09:30,557 Our therapist says I'm the type of guy who pretends 226 00:09:30,592 --> 00:09:34,314 everything's okay, even when I'm upset deep down inside. 227 00:09:34,349 --> 00:09:36,720 Well I think that's true. I mean, if you look at the whole Carla kissing thing, 228 00:09:36,755 --> 00:09:40,124 I think intellectually you moved on but emotionally you're still upset. 229 00:09:40,159 --> 00:09:41,436 You'll get there, though, pal. 230 00:09:41,651 --> 00:09:42,720 I'm not upset. 231 00:09:42,755 --> 00:09:44,077 Really? Oh, ok... 232 00:09:44,399 --> 00:09:46,045 I'll see you later. Bye. 233 00:09:47,069 --> 00:09:48,180 - You see? - See what? 234 00:09:48,583 --> 00:09:49,695 Let's try it again. 235 00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:51,300 I'll see you later, buddy. Bye. 236 00:09:51,335 --> 00:09:52,018 Bye. 237 00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:55,693 Always the same spot! It's like your fingers are stone. 238 00:09:55,865 --> 00:09:56,762 Last time. 239 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,307 I'll see you later, b-- 240 00:09:58,342 --> 00:09:59,462 Hey! Look at yourself. 241 00:10:02,399 --> 00:10:03,276 I've been hitting you? 242 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,101 Yeah. You're like the brown Hulk. 243 00:10:07,002 --> 00:10:09,338 Hey, how's it going in here,you two? 244 00:10:09,373 --> 00:10:10,955 Well, pretty good. Pretty good. 245 00:10:10,990 --> 00:10:12,931 We--we talked about her past. 246 00:10:12,966 --> 00:10:16,108 Betty even let me hear a few of her romantic trysts from her younger days. 247 00:10:16,109 --> 00:10:17,849 Are you familiar with Mr. David Brinkley? 248 00:10:17,937 --> 00:10:19,507 - No way. - Yeah. 249 00:10:19,507 --> 00:10:20,506 Betty. 250 00:10:21,398 --> 00:10:23,795 Then when we finally got down to talking for real, 251 00:10:24,349 --> 00:10:26,284 well, it became pretty obvious that... 252 00:10:27,051 --> 00:10:28,719 Betty had already made a decision. 253 00:10:30,126 --> 00:10:31,110 Ok. 254 00:10:31,445 --> 00:10:33,413 The thing that impressed me most about Jake, 255 00:10:33,448 --> 00:10:36,012 besides his perfectly square head, 256 00:10:36,047 --> 00:10:38,632 was that he faced this whole Betty thing straight on. 257 00:10:38,829 --> 00:10:42,117 He thinks I'm cute. He thinks I'm cute... 258 00:10:42,187 --> 00:10:45,198 He didn't hide because he was afraid to admit someone was right... 259 00:10:45,233 --> 00:10:46,203 ...I'm cute... 260 00:10:46,238 --> 00:10:47,041 Barbie, 261 00:10:47,623 --> 00:10:48,736 why so happy? 262 00:10:49,079 --> 00:10:50,240 No reason. 263 00:10:52,654 --> 00:10:55,865 He didn't run because he was scared of facing his own feelings. 264 00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:58,509 Baby, I'm not gonna be able to make therapy tonight. 265 00:10:58,696 --> 00:11:01,365 - I have surgery. - Fine. 266 00:11:01,546 --> 00:11:04,687 Of course, he wouldn't have been able to do if it weren't for his secret weapon-- 267 00:11:04,722 --> 00:11:06,132 Dr. John Dorian. 268 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,372 -What? - What? 269 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:10,090 You just said your name in a weird kind of summing up way. 270 00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:11,678 No, I didn't, Jake. 271 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,757 Oh, so you're Jake. 272 00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:18,379 Uh, as I understand it, you just talked my sister into ending her life. 273 00:11:18,414 --> 00:11:19,581 Long story short. 274 00:11:19,755 --> 00:11:21,415 I'm a lawyer, I'm suing you. 275 00:11:21,588 --> 00:11:22,485 Once again. 276 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:23,832 Sister dying, 277 00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:24,587 brother lawyer, 278 00:11:24,622 --> 00:11:25,827 suing you! 279 00:11:27,399 --> 00:11:30,158 See, that's summing up in a weird way. 280 00:11:30,335 --> 00:11:31,611 Yeah. 281 00:11:31,786 --> 00:11:33,737 "Brother lawyer..." That's it. 282 00:11:38,879 --> 00:11:40,308 I can't believe this is happening. 283 00:11:40,343 --> 00:11:42,227 Everything's gonna be fine. You just trust me. 284 00:11:42,262 --> 00:11:43,028 Is that him? 285 00:11:43,063 --> 00:11:46,401 Yes. Here's Ted, our brillant hospital attorney. 286 00:11:46,436 --> 00:11:47,524 Sharp as a tack. 287 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:51,617 Mark my word, Jake, we're gonna take every last cent you have! 288 00:11:51,652 --> 00:11:53,026 No, no, Ted. We're on his side. 289 00:11:53,061 --> 00:11:56,177 Oh. Here's my card. 290 00:11:56,606 --> 00:11:57,994 This is a post-it. 291 00:11:58,029 --> 00:12:01,243 I don't get real cards until I win a case. 292 00:12:01,657 --> 00:12:03,266 Go take a nap, Ted. 293 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,707 He spelled "attorney" wrong. 294 00:12:06,471 --> 00:12:09,037 "Buy groceries, kill self." 295 00:12:09,072 --> 00:12:11,191 Just admit it. You've been sent from the future to destroy me. 296 00:12:11,226 --> 00:12:13,038 I am not from the future, Jake. 297 00:12:13,705 --> 00:12:15,134 Gesundheit, Carol. 298 00:12:15,528 --> 00:12:17,438 Yes! It finally worked! What are the odds? 299 00:12:17,473 --> 00:12:19,578 I don't know what the odds are, J.D. What I do know 300 00:12:19,765 --> 00:12:21,359 is I'm about to go down to my truck, 301 00:12:21,394 --> 00:12:24,041 get my kyak paddle and go Greg Barton on your ass. 302 00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:24,894 Who's Greg Barton? 303 00:12:24,929 --> 00:12:26,094 He's a famous kayaker. 304 00:12:26,129 --> 00:12:27,732 Oh, Greg Barton. 305 00:12:28,385 --> 00:12:30,070 I hate you, J.D. 306 00:12:30,105 --> 00:12:31,615 I know. 307 00:12:35,147 --> 00:12:37,269 Dr. Cox, this is the most painful thing I've ever done, 308 00:12:37,304 --> 00:12:39,315 and I was a cutter for a week in high school. 309 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:43,468 My shop teacher thought scars were sexy, but that's a... whole other story. 310 00:12:43,503 --> 00:12:45,235 The point is your advice really worked with Jake 311 00:12:45,236 --> 00:12:47,435 and I'd really apreciate if you could give me some more help. 312 00:12:47,470 --> 00:12:48,906 Oh, no problem Barbie. 313 00:12:48,941 --> 00:12:53,184 Let me just finish writing this prescription, and you'll be all squared away. 314 00:12:54,135 --> 00:12:56,122 This is a prescription for "no." 315 00:12:56,157 --> 00:12:56,932 Correctomundo. 316 00:12:56,967 --> 00:12:59,886 It's to be taken with food every saturday night while you're eating alone. 317 00:13:00,061 --> 00:13:02,133 I don't think you understand the severity of the situation here. 318 00:13:02,168 --> 00:13:05,080 I am dangerously close to giving up men all together. 319 00:13:05,115 --> 00:13:07,932 Then on behalf of men everywhere, and I do mean everywhere 320 00:13:07,933 --> 00:13:09,378 including the ones in the little muds huts, 321 00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:12,133 let me be the first to say thanks and alleluia. 322 00:13:12,386 --> 00:13:15,506 Elliot, so you see the problem with trying to appeal to its human side? 323 00:13:15,734 --> 00:13:16,810 He doesn't have one. 324 00:13:16,845 --> 00:13:19,433 Exactly. But what does he have? 325 00:13:19,468 --> 00:13:22,557 A shaved chest, a closet full of tiny T-shirts, and the eyes of a madman. 326 00:13:22,592 --> 00:13:24,340 Aohhhh, I'm sorry. 327 00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:27,659 The correct answer she was looking for is a giant ego. 328 00:13:27,694 --> 00:13:29,943 I have a giant ego. 329 00:13:29,978 --> 00:13:30,786 Damn it! I knew that. 330 00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:33,401 Would you just appeal to it so I can go anf geta something to eat? 331 00:13:34,558 --> 00:13:36,269 You're amazing. 332 00:13:36,603 --> 00:13:37,848 And I mean. 333 00:13:44,717 --> 00:13:46,395 Dr Kelso, you can't do that. 334 00:13:46,541 --> 00:13:50,005 I didn't. Your friend Turkelton did. 335 00:13:50,355 --> 00:13:52,128 And I can do whatever I want. 336 00:13:54,283 --> 00:13:56,473 You look ridiculous. 337 00:13:58,976 --> 00:14:01,199 I thought we were doing moustaches on sunday. 338 00:14:01,234 --> 00:14:02,742 I didn't do this. Kelso did! 339 00:14:02,777 --> 00:14:04,635 You invited Kelso to moustache sunday? 340 00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:06,625 Enough with the moustaches, dude. 341 00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:08,583 Are you responsible for breaking up Turner and Hooch? 342 00:14:08,618 --> 00:14:10,931 I needed an excuse to get out of couples counselling. 343 00:14:11,355 --> 00:14:13,820 Dude, I can't open up, man. I just can't do it. 344 00:14:14,341 --> 00:14:16,091 Besides, this way no one gets hurt. 345 00:14:22,224 --> 00:14:24,184 We had a hell of a run, man. 346 00:14:24,741 --> 00:14:26,386 Just get out of here. 347 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,677 Maybe I should just go talk to him. 348 00:14:34,712 --> 00:14:36,996 Forget Dennis. He's a horrible person. Ok? 349 00:14:37,031 --> 00:14:40,269 We'll never be able to change his mind. We need to focus on Betty, ok? 350 00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:42,914 We'll just have her explain how she feels. Problem's solved. 351 00:14:43,806 --> 00:14:45,154 Betty's in a coma. You know what? 352 00:14:45,189 --> 00:14:48,545 I'm gonna talk to Dennis. He seems like a reasonable guy. 353 00:14:50,828 --> 00:14:52,091 Hey, Jake. 354 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:53,233 How's it goin'? 355 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,871 Oh, I've had better days. How are you? 356 00:14:57,529 --> 00:15:00,431 Listen to me, Barbacious, you gotta stay the course here. 357 00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:01,857 You gotta keep ignoring him. 358 00:15:01,892 --> 00:15:04,311 But I'm already ignoring him. How do I ignore him more? 359 00:15:04,346 --> 00:15:05,344 Ah, piece of cake. 360 00:15:05,379 --> 00:15:08,608 First you engage him, then you ignore him. 361 00:15:08,812 --> 00:15:09,735 Elliot? 362 00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,481 I said how are you. 363 00:15:11,516 --> 00:15:13,104 I actually don't have time for this, ok? 364 00:15:13,139 --> 00:15:14,230 I'm a doctor. 365 00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:15,618 But you asked me how I was. 366 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:18,581 Yeah, trying to save lives here. It's not always about you. 367 00:15:21,075 --> 00:15:23,011 Buddy, you would not believe the day I'm having. 368 00:15:23,046 --> 00:15:24,378 Quiet, jackass. 369 00:15:24,413 --> 00:15:26,260 What did you say to Elliot to make her run off like that? 370 00:15:26,295 --> 00:15:28,434 - 'Cause if you hurt her-- - I didn't say anything. 371 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:29,790 Everyone around here is crazy. 372 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:30,719 That's not true. 373 00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:33,727 Let me put down my bag of rats and explain something to you. 374 00:15:34,918 --> 00:15:36,146 A bag of rats? Are those alive? 375 00:15:36,181 --> 00:15:37,178 Most of 'em are. 376 00:15:37,213 --> 00:15:38,249 I put a dead one in the middle. 377 00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:39,987 That way all the live ones get a good look at him... 378 00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,521 they start toeing that line. 379 00:15:41,556 --> 00:15:42,838 Know what I'm saying? 380 00:15:43,006 --> 00:15:44,834 I very much don't. 381 00:15:46,199 --> 00:15:47,499 It's pretty simple. 382 00:15:47,711 --> 00:15:49,511 Take a canvas bag... 383 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,983 Jailbreak! 384 00:15:56,114 --> 00:15:58,176 Look, you're gonna do whatever you want with your sister, 385 00:15:58,211 --> 00:15:59,767 but Jake's just trying to help. 386 00:15:59,802 --> 00:16:02,742 He's a stand-up guy, and I think you should leave him alone. 387 00:16:02,863 --> 00:16:05,500 If you do I think it will be dy-no-mite. 388 00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:09,051 Sorry, I was just watching Good times in the doctors lounge. 389 00:16:09,086 --> 00:16:12,159 Yeah. I'm gonna screw him to the wall. 390 00:16:13,913 --> 00:16:15,358 Can you believe this guy? 391 00:16:15,393 --> 00:16:18,006 Son, look around. 392 00:16:18,041 --> 00:16:21,213 There's an oldld man with Alzheimer's who no one bothers to come visit. 393 00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:24,695 This morning I had a chat with a woman who refuses to stop using cocaine, 394 00:16:24,696 --> 00:16:26,395 even though she's 6 months pregnant. 395 00:16:26,430 --> 00:16:29,022 And just last week I saw an older woman fall and break her hip 396 00:16:29,057 --> 00:16:31,622 because some guy was too busy to hold the door open for her. 397 00:16:31,944 --> 00:16:33,938 Sir, you laughed and pointed when she fell. 398 00:16:33,973 --> 00:16:35,360 I didn't say it wasn't funny. 399 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,234 I just said it happened. Come on. 400 00:16:37,235 --> 00:16:40,641 When's the last time you saw a glimpse of humanity in this place? 401 00:16:41,224 --> 00:16:42,343 Kelso had a point. 402 00:16:42,378 --> 00:16:43,630 I mean, in the outside world, 403 00:16:43,631 --> 00:16:47,082 you'll occasionally see a stream of cars drive by an old woman with a flat tire. 404 00:16:47,117 --> 00:16:48,310 But around here, 405 00:16:48,345 --> 00:16:50,819 every time you round a corner, well... 406 00:16:51,335 --> 00:16:52,781 She fell again. 407 00:16:52,816 --> 00:16:54,784 Anyway, I knew what I had to do. 408 00:16:55,190 --> 00:16:57,730 Just go, Jake. No one here knows your last name. 409 00:16:57,765 --> 00:16:59,599 If anything happens, they'll never be able to find you. 410 00:16:59,722 --> 00:17:02,079 Go enjoy your little rafting thing in New Zealand. 411 00:17:02,114 --> 00:17:05,769 Which, incidentally, is 10,000 miles east of Australia and 412 00:17:05,770 --> 00:17:08,227 famous for alcoholism and clam chowder. 413 00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:10,650 I've been brushing up on my New Zealand. 414 00:17:10,685 --> 00:17:12,758 You've been brushing up on New England. 415 00:17:13,154 --> 00:17:17,008 Well, go...anyway. Wherever it is you're rafting. 416 00:17:18,625 --> 00:17:19,771 Where's he going? 417 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,346 He's just left. 418 00:17:22,611 --> 00:17:23,540 Barbie, 419 00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:25,453 go get him, I... 420 00:17:25,989 --> 00:17:26,987 believe in you. 421 00:17:27,022 --> 00:17:28,128 No, you don't. 422 00:17:28,163 --> 00:17:30,509 You just want me to go and embarrass myself so you can laugh at me. 423 00:17:30,544 --> 00:17:33,907 Just like the time you told me the hospital fund raiser was a costume party. 424 00:17:34,268 --> 00:17:36,927 I walked into a black-tie dinner dressed as Clarence Thomas.... 425 00:17:37,084 --> 00:17:39,032 I was in a costume, too. 426 00:17:39,219 --> 00:17:41,688 You wore an Armani tux. 427 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,815 I went as someone who doesn't make a fool out of himself. 428 00:17:44,850 --> 00:17:46,528 How do you not get that? 429 00:17:49,877 --> 00:17:50,933 Thank you. 430 00:17:51,899 --> 00:17:54,521 I just got my sister into the hospital across town, 431 00:17:54,522 --> 00:17:56,783 so I can finally get her out this hell hole. 432 00:17:56,818 --> 00:17:58,434 Hey, I personally see towards that 433 00:17:58,435 --> 00:18:01,713 every inch of this building is up to the highest standards and codes. 434 00:18:04,580 --> 00:18:06,395 Well, that's just bad timing. 435 00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:08,582 Come back here! I'm sorry! 436 00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:13,522 Come on, fellas. 437 00:18:14,353 --> 00:18:16,732 And then something surprising happened. 438 00:18:19,135 --> 00:18:20,460 Well, look who's back. 439 00:18:20,495 --> 00:18:22,088 Look, buddy, I-- 440 00:18:22,338 --> 00:18:25,066 I barely know your sister, and I certainly don't know you, 441 00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:25,959 but like it or not, 442 00:18:26,008 --> 00:18:28,408 she told me what she wanted, and I'm gonna honor that. 443 00:18:29,028 --> 00:18:31,876 Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and stay here till I can figure out a way 444 00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:34,682 to make you understand that, even if I have to get myself a lawyer. 445 00:18:36,006 --> 00:18:37,077 Not you. 446 00:18:39,492 --> 00:18:40,512 They're smart, 447 00:18:40,547 --> 00:18:42,057 they are organized, 448 00:18:42,092 --> 00:18:43,903 and they've got my keys. 449 00:18:45,681 --> 00:18:49,376 It's amazing how a selfless gesture can affect so many people. 450 00:18:49,937 --> 00:18:52,512 One man saw someone who didn't run away from a problem, 451 00:18:52,513 --> 00:18:54,245 and found the courage to do the same. 452 00:18:54,656 --> 00:18:56,912 I got something I'd like to share today. 453 00:18:57,287 --> 00:18:59,161 - Really? - Yeah. 454 00:18:59,282 --> 00:19:02,551 I don't like it when Carla pinches my nipples when we're having sex. 455 00:19:02,690 --> 00:19:05,530 Baby, that's--that's one of the reasons why I cry, 456 00:19:05,531 --> 00:19:07,462 because you pinch them too hard... 457 00:19:07,597 --> 00:19:09,493 and it hurts. 458 00:19:09,801 --> 00:19:12,278 One man was pushed to make the right decision. 459 00:19:12,313 --> 00:19:15,027 Just make her as comfortable as possible. 460 00:19:17,787 --> 00:19:21,244 And another man realized it's ok to be a decent human being for once. 461 00:19:22,586 --> 00:19:26,337 Well he's definitly leaving for good this time there, Barbie. I'd... 462 00:19:26,504 --> 00:19:27,892 I'd say go for it. 463 00:19:27,927 --> 00:19:29,067 Why won't you leave me alone? 464 00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:30,253 Oh, I don't know. 465 00:19:30,851 --> 00:19:32,597 Maybe because the NHL is on strike, 466 00:19:32,632 --> 00:19:35,851 and I'm not getting my fill of toothless men knocking the hell out of each other. 467 00:19:35,886 --> 00:19:38,246 Or maybe because for the first time in 4 years, 468 00:19:38,247 --> 00:19:40,506 I'd actually like to see happy, for a change. 469 00:19:41,188 --> 00:19:43,123 Believe whatever you want. I don't really care. 470 00:19:43,158 --> 00:19:46,816 Jake the Snake is bearing down and if I were you, I'd step up to him, 471 00:19:46,817 --> 00:19:50,103 look him straight in the eye with those beautiful blues and... 472 00:19:51,761 --> 00:19:55,058 invite him out for a cup of cofee before he escapes. 473 00:19:57,271 --> 00:20:01,274 Hey, can I buy you a cup of cofee before you escape? 474 00:20:01,309 --> 00:20:02,388 What now? 475 00:20:02,423 --> 00:20:04,149 I me--I mean go. 476 00:20:04,184 --> 00:20:06,286 Yeah. That'd be nice. 477 00:20:06,321 --> 00:20:07,799 Great. 478 00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:11,736 Ah, that's a cute couple. 479 00:20:11,957 --> 00:20:13,445 I give 'em a week. 480 00:20:14,585 --> 00:20:16,224 I can make sure of that. 481 00:20:16,844 --> 00:20:17,794 Rat? 482 00:20:17,996 --> 00:20:18,894 No, thanks. 483 00:20:19,371 --> 00:20:21,566 Oh, congratulations, Clarissa. 484 00:20:22,392 --> 00:20:25,885 As for me, seeing Jake come back and do the right thing 485 00:20:25,886 --> 00:20:27,790 restored my faith in humanity. 486 00:20:28,388 --> 00:20:35,924 I can't believe that 6 young men stopped to help an old lady change a tire. 487 00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:40,147 And don't you forget who put that tire on and tightened those lugnuts, Martha. 488 00:20:40,182 --> 00:20:43,801 Ok, sweetie, have fun at the swap-meet. Drive safe. 489 00:20:43,836 --> 00:20:47,366 Yeah, it sure feels good to do the right thing. 490 00:20:51,961 --> 00:20:55,082 Righty loosey, lefty tighty. 491 00:20:55,117 --> 00:20:58,577 Oh, righty tighty, lefty loosey. 492 00:20:58,612 --> 00:21:02,112 Oh men, it still felt good.