1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:06,065
<i>[J.D.] Since my apartment's roof
collapsed, I was living at a hotel.</i>

2
00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:08,300
<i>- [Squeaks down rail]
- [Yells]</i>

3
00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:11,538
<i>But that's not the only thing
that's changed around here.</i>

4
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:18,211
<i>- I'm an attending, a licensed badass.
- [Horn honks]</i>

5
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:20,845
<i>Elliot actually works
at a different hospital.</i>

6
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:23,355
<i>She's trying to lay low at first.</i>

7
00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,186
- [Screams]
- [Thud]

8
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,557
<i>And Turk and Carla
are trying to make a baby.</i>

9
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,061
Here you go, baby.

10
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,361
I know you love foreplay,
but I have five minutes,

11
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,492
so I made you a sandwich.

12
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,730
That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen.

13
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:41,330
- Over here, Turk.
- My bad, baby.

14
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:43,171
<i>Yep! Life was different.</i>

15
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,438
Hey! Did you take my Porsche
from the valet?

16
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:48,174
<i>This didn't feel like my scooter.</i>

17
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,011
[Squeaking]

18
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:51,141
Ow!

19
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,778
Look, no harm done.
Here are your driving glasses,

20
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:57,220
here's your driving scarf
and here are your driving gloves.

21
00:00:58,358 --> 00:01:01,521
Fine, here's your driving sock.

22
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,291
<i>I didn't care, because
now that I'm an attending,</i>

23
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:07,390
<i>I had picked out a whole new look.</i>

24
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:11,335
- Good morning, colleague.
- Oh, absolutely not.

25
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,636
What, Tall, Dark and Scary?
I can wear whatever the hell I...

26
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:18,200
- What are you doing?
- This is my imaginary warning light.

27
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:22,044
When it starts blinking, a situation
has ten seconds to resolve itself

28
00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:24,845
before I flash white
with rage and kill someone.

29
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:28,445
One, two, three, four...

30
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:31,958
...seven, eight, nine and ten.

31
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,459
I had trouble getting
my babyGap T-shirt off.

32
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,588
- It'll happen.
- Ow.

33
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:38,688
[Screams]

34
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,529
OK, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go with "ow."

35
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,933
How depressing is it being you?
Seriously.

36
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,336
Would you equate it more
to being a Cub fan,

37
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,465
or to, say, being born without lips?

38
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,373
- Born without lips.
- I know a guy.

39
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,810
- His house just burned down.
- How sad.

40
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:57,179
He was smoking in bed. He shouldn't
smoke, 'cause he looks ridiculous.

41
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:59,013
"I have a snake face."

42
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:03,180
Listen, today if you bother me,
could you do it without being around me?

43
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:06,316
I have new interns starting.
Can you imagine what it's like

44
00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:09,021
to see this place
through their eyes the first time?

45
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,656
<i>[# The Finn Brothers:
Anything Can Happen]</i>

46
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:14,598
[Exhales]

47
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,331
- Something on your shirt, kid.
- Huh? Oh.

48
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,773
- Ha-ha! Classic!
- [Intern chuckles]

49
00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:27,003
Hey...

50
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:31,406
Sparky, it's five dollars a minute
to stare in public.

51
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,113
It's free in private... [purrs]

52
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:36,121
- [Thud]
- [Groans]

53
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,823
You're gonna love it here, sport.

54
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,363
- Get out while you still can.
- [Intern] Hmm.

55
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:47,264
Seriously,
get out while you still can.

56
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,632
Junior, have you seen Johnny?

57
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,069
Alzheimer's patient,
likes to tackle people?

58
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,537
[Intern] Mmm, mmm-mm.

59
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,076
Has anybody seen Johnny,
the tackling Alzheimer's patient?

60
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,910
Hey! You must be Keith.

61
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:03,449
Don't look so nervous, buddy.
I got your back.

62
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,382
- Who am I?
- [J.D. Groans]

63
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,917
I found him.

64
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,955
<i># I can't do this all on my own</i>

65
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:17,394
<i># No, I know I'm no Superman</i>

66
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,701
<i># I'm no Superman #</i>

67
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,305
Someone's close enough
for a hair-mussing.

68
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,899
- [Gurgling sound]
- [Keith laughs]

69
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:33,309
Dynamite bangs.
Hey, guys. Follow me.

70
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:37,612
Listen, if you're having trouble finding
a vein for an IV, please don't page me.

71
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:39,447
If you're desperate, we're lucky.

72
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,283
This is a city hospital,
there are heroin addicts

73
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:47,054
who are quite adept at this. Did you
find a vein, there, Reverend Mayhem?

74
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:50,255
- No problem.
- Good work, buddy. Stay in school.

75
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,958
- Mr. Kellerman, how're you feeling?
- Not great.

76
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,399
Well, that's probably
why you're here! Ha!

77
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:59,633
Humor is a great icebreaker
for patients, OK? Follow me.

78
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,265
Mr. Kellerman
has congestive heart failure.

79
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:04,902
Lisa, I want you
to start him on diuretics, OK?

80
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,344
We'll loosen up
some fluid around his lungs.

81
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,574
The good news is he'll go home tomorrow.

82
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:13,813
The bad news is if he's not here, he
won't move up the heart transplant list.

83
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:16,754
See, in medicine,
there are lots of Catch-22s,

84
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:20,919
a phrase made famous, I believe, by an
old fisherman who would stay out fishing

85
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:25,021
until he caught... how many fish?
Anybody? That's right, 22.

86
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,397
- See, in 1492, Columbus...
- [Cox] Newbie!

87
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:31,835
If you loved the sound
of your very own voice any more,

88
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:35,432
you would probably sit in a little
room all day and sing to yourself.

89
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,477
Oh, you guys can skedaddle.

90
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,343
Booga-booga-booga!
[Laughs]

91
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:46,647
I love interns.
Gentlemen, a reminder:

92
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,655
As attendings, you are expected
to turn in your paperwork

93
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:52,089
and your required urine sample
by tomorrow.

94
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,353
I'm not planning
on doing any paperwork.

95
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:58,193
I did go ahead and leave my urine
sample on your driver's-side car door.

96
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:00,324
Your lips, my ass,
they should meet.

97
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:04,530
Dorian, after four years, I hope you are
no longer following in his footsteps.

98
00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:08,233
I turned in my paperwork already,
but I'm gonna wait till tomorrow

99
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,869
to turn in my urine sample out
of respect to the fellas in the lab...

100
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,809
There's an asparagus issue.

101
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:18,408
Now there's an answer that warrants
a half-sincere pat on the shoulder.

102
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,043
Thanks, Dr. Kelso!

103
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,884
He said "half-sincere,"
I think it was full-sincere.

104
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,719
Feel my shoulder, it's warm.

105
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:27,885
Lindsay, by you reaching
the level of attending physician,

106
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:31,988
you've somehow managed to become
a member of a club that I belong to.

107
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:36,434
Obviously there was no vote.
Because if there had been,

108
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:41,372
you would still hear the sound of my
voice screaming, "Nay, oh, dear God,

109
00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:43,466
one thousand times nay!"

110
00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:47,912
That being said, it's my obligation
to let you in on the organization's

111
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:52,941
one and only bylaw: We're men.

112
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,213
Yes, we are.

113
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,723
The women are men. The children
are men. The men, of course, men!

114
00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:02,751
So I went ahead and took the liberty
of making you five man cards.

115
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:07,926
Hold them very dear, because every time
you drop the ball, man-wise,

116
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,628
I'm going to take one from you.

117
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:13,662
I don't need your approval
or your stupid man cards.

118
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:17,436
Although the lettering is darling.
Have you ever done calligraphy?

119
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:20,673
- Thank you.
- Damn it!

120
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:27,650
<i>[J.D.] That night, since we were low
on cash, Turk snuck me into the movies.</i>

121
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,449
One, please!

122
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,683
<i>We talked about my living arrangements.</i>

123
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:34,249
- Are you sure?
- You shouldn't stay in a hotel,

124
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,158
so stay here
until you find a place.

125
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,959
Carla was psyched to get rid of me.
Are you gonna tell?

126
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,761
I don't know. What do you think?

127
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,325
- Turk? Is that you?
- [Thud, backpack zips]

128
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:48,134
- Yes. I'll be right in, baby.
- OK.

129
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,248
[Gasps] Dude, you left
your gym shorts in here!

130
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,715
Look, I gotta sex her up.
I'll be back as quick as I can,

131
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:01,309
so it'd be about a hour and a half.

132
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:04,357
Wait! Could you just
quickly scratch my nose?

133
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:07,221
Ahh. Ooh.

134
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:12,059
OK. OK. Don't zip me... up!

135
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,896
[J.D. Groans] Turk! Turk!

136
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,061
- [Struggling]
- [Thud]

137
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,771
- I'm a little sick of the Turks.
- Excuse me?

138
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,142
Not you, Omar. I love your people.

139
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,977
I'm talking about
their lovey-dovey crap.

140
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:33,917
Babe, I borrowed your backpack
this morning and my change fell out.

141
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:38,117
Maybe someone or something had to gnaw
a hole in it to keep from suffocating.

142
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:41,957
Maybe someone already apologized
for that about a hundred times.

143
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,757
100 wasn't enough. I don't know.

144
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:47,857
- Absolutely no lovers' quarrels.
- Damn it!

145
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,595
Elliot, what are you doing here?

146
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,229
She hasn't talked to anybody
at her new hospital.

147
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:56,241
- How did this become about me?
- The Turks are sneaky.

148
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:59,472
Not you guys.
I think Omar took my pudding.

149
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,437
Mmm.

150
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:04,005
Hey, Keith!
Can I get your pudding?

151
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,642
Uh.

152
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,814
Interns.

153
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:11,982
You should be excited
about meeting people over there.

154
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,026
You could totally reinvent yourself.

155
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,584
You're right!

156
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,358
I'm gonna tell them
I am the most perfect doctor ever

157
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,195
who never needs anyone's help
with anything!

158
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,463
That'll end well. Dude!

159
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,540
[Speaks Turkish]

160
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,805
This guy's unbelievable!

161
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:35,512
OK, for some reason,
Mr. Kellerman's fluid situation

162
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:39,313
isn't getting any better. I think
we should be more aggressive. Keith?

163
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,911
- [Keith] Uh...
- Why don't you go get a Lasix drip.

164
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,683
Other way, Keith!

165
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:50,529
Oh, Jason, when you're filling out
a female patient's exam report,

166
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:56,229
her breasts can be "healthy" or
"unhealthy," never "bangin' double-Ds."

167
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:57,769
There's so much paperwork.

168
00:08:57,837 --> 00:09:00,601
My dad was a veterinarian,
and he never had to do any.

169
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:03,972
Sometimes I wish this place
were more like a horse hospital.

170
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:14,484
I'm sorry, Mr. Larson,
but I do not like the look of that leg.

171
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,215
- [Gun cocks]
- [Man neighs]

172
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,256
[Gunshot]

173
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:21,453
We would have better hours.
All right, gang, get out of here.

174
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:25,956
Hey, everybody? Great work today.

175
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:31,363
How do you bother someone without being
around them? That is the question.

176
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:35,239
[Copy machine whirring]

177
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:40,209
[Cutting, tape being pulled]

178
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:51,750
Dorian, I'm paying you to work, not
stand around acting like the Fonz.

179
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,452
Perfect.

180
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,553
<i>Being Turk's secret roommate
was going great...</i>

181
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,393
<i>- [knocking]
...until now.</i>

182
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,161
Turk? I'm leaving for work.

183
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:04,067
<i>You've worked on your Turk
impression since college.</i>

184
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,298
<i>- Time to shine!
- Turk?</i>

185
00:10:06,372 --> 00:10:08,670
[Turk's voice] I'll be thinking
about you

186
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:12,074
until the second I see you,
right now, I'm doing my business.

187
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,375
Don't forget to use the Glade!

188
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,514
Dude! That's the best it's ever sounded!

189
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,610
- I thought she was gone?
- Nah, she came back for a quickie.

190
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:23,520
All this baby stuff,
I feel like she rushed me into it.

191
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,353
I'm not sure I'm ready.

192
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,824
Get ready, she's been off the pill
for a week.

193
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,122
[Guilty snicker]

194
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,628
What have you done?

195
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,496
[Gagging]

196
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,632
[Coughs]

197
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:46,811
Think she'll be mad?

198
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,912
[Coffee brewing]

199
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,456
Dr. Reid? Need some help?

200
00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:59,185
I don't need anyone's help.

201
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,690
Stop running!

202
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:05,655
Doctor, do you know
where the Foley caths are?

203
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,825
Sir, I know where everything is.

204
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:09,859
Be right back.

205
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:15,471
Stupid coffee robot! Frick!

206
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:21,443
[Gasps]

207
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,779
Don't sweat it. I used to hide here
when I worked at this place.

208
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:28,082
I'm on a fellowship now.
Foley cath, please.

209
00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:31,114
Thanks.

210
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:39,698
Thanks. Could you also grab
a number six needle?

211
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,357
[EIliot] Ahh.

212
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:43,697
Frick fricky frick frick!

213
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,065
Nice ass, grandma!

214
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,169
[Screams]

215
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:59,115
<i>That screaming patient would have
to wait. I had bigger problems.</i>

216
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:03,553
Hey, Keith! I just called upstairs
to see how Mr. Kellerman was doing.

217
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:07,184
Get this: The nurse told me you
never even started him on a Lasix drip.

218
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:10,729
Lisa! Imagine my surprise when
she told me you never even increased

219
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,630
his diuretic in the first place!
I'm forced to ask,

220
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:18,194
are you people trained killers?
Say something, Keith!

221
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:20,429
[Keith stuttering] I... uh...

222
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,907
If he gets bad enough
and we have to put him on inotropes,

223
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:27,504
he'll jump to the top of the
transplant list and get a new heart.

224
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,048
<i>They're messing up on purpose?</i>

225
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,811
Who told you guys to do this?

226
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:33,852
<i>There's a lot of ways to get caught.</i>

227
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:38,450
<i>Sometimes you get caught because
you couldn't slip your wife her pill,</i>

228
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:41,687
<i>so you had to feed her one
of your special homemade brownies.</i>

229
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,229
- What's that?
- Oh, that?

230
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:47,164
That's a tiny marshmallow
with writing on it.

231
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:52,196
<i>Still, if you don't panic,
you can get away with it.</i>

232
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,796
[Clattering]

233
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:57,600
Just... doing some inventory... sir.

234
00:12:57,677 --> 00:13:00,373
That's why I'm glad you work here,
sweetheart.

235
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,278
Come on, guys.
Who put you up to this?

236
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:11,721
<i>As for me, I caught my culprit
because he made the classic mistake</i>

237
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,919
<i>of returning to the scene of the crime.
And all because I, too,</i>

238
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,519
<i>had been eating Turk's
homemade brownies.</i>

239
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:21,533
Angie, my buddy down in the lab
just told me that your urinalysis

240
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:24,297
came back positive
for the birth control pill.

241
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:28,306
So, I will be taking one of... these.

242
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,706
- Thank you!
- Damn it!

243
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,212
- Keith, look at me.
- [Keith stammering]

244
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:41,048
Did he specifically
tell you to disregard my orders?

245
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:44,580
What the hell.

246
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,319
I was doing this
and mouthing "I'll kill you,"

247
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:50,829
which I will if you don't
get out of here. Go on, get.

248
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:54,264
[Panting]

249
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:57,631
I saw it first.

250
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:01,367
Long day.

251
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:05,002
Newbie, I did tell them to ignore you
and let Mr. Kellerman get worse.

252
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,013
And you wanna know something?
I'd do it again.

253
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:12,813
- Bye, Elliot.
- Look...

254
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:16,286
I know I agreed to have a baby,
but you were offering sex at the time.

255
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,880
- I would have agreed to anything!
- [Grunting]

256
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,391
Carla, no.

257
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:27,760
No! She knows I can't eat
without my strawberry milk.

258
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,425
You should've let her fork me!

259
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:33,768
I think that's how you got into trouble
in the first place! What's up!

260
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,808
Euphemism five!

261
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,105
His vocabulary's gotten so much better!

262
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:41,203
- Elliot, why are you here?
- Oh, I have to make Kelso think

263
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,613
I work here so he doesn't have me
arrested for stealing supplies.

264
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,949
What would you have done
if you couldn't give Carla the pill?

265
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,580
- I'd have faked it.
- Guys can't fake it.

266
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,658
Really? Does this sound familiar?

267
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:56,525
"Oh, baby, we're going all night.
No, wait, don't move!

268
00:14:56,629 --> 00:15:00,292
- Sorry."
- Way too familiar.

269
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,861
- Hey.
- Thank you.

270
00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,369
Know what I've been doing?

271
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,804
Besides listening
to my Alanis Morissette CD

272
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,966
to get pumped up
to talk to you? Here.

273
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:11,771
- Yep.
- I've been thinking about

274
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:15,143
how you would take
Mr. Kellerman's life into your hands

275
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:17,739
- without talking to him.
- Well, I did talk to him.

276
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:19,079
He did.

277
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,849
Patients who stay low on the heart
transplant list die waiting for one.

278
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,083
This way, he moves up to the top.
Come on!

279
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:28,649
- Then why didn't you tell me?
- Because you're an attending now.

280
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:31,891
That doesn't just mean
a fat bank account, expensive new toys

281
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:34,831
and a lawyer on retainer
for when you kill a prostitute.

282
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:37,267
From now on,
the buck stops with you.

283
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:40,339
I know you have occasionally
bent the rules in this dump

284
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,000
over the last couple of years
because you knew

285
00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:46,238
when the crap started raining,
it was gonna fall on my head.

286
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:49,281
But now, the only way for you
to stay out of the trouble storm

287
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:52,545
is for you to go by the book.
And I got news for you on that front:

288
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,882
By-the-book attendings kill us up here.

289
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,014
I couldn't tell you about Kellerman
'cause I don't know

290
00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,183
what type of attending you're gonna be.

291
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:03,490
Thank you for giving me
the opportunity to prove myself.

292
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:07,192
You know what? This is my last one.
Here, take it.

293
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:10,531
Whatever happens
to this poor guy is on you.

294
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,600
<i>[J.D.] The next morning was not good.</i>

295
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,610
<i>Carla was not talking to Turk,</i>

296
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,169
<i>Elliot had dropped by
to help not talk to Turk</i>

297
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:23,181
<i>and I was sneaking out in my undies</i>

298
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:25,376
<i>because my clothes
were in the dryer.</i>

299
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:27,578
- J.D.?
- Morning, friends!

300
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,177
Who's ready for some java?

301
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:32,315
- Are you wearing boxers?
- Yes, I am, Carla,

302
00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:35,827
because I know when Turk's sad,
he likes me to come over in my boxers,

303
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:40,594
because he likes to call me his "honky
Adonis." And that's what friends do.

304
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,964
<i>They bought it? Are we that gay?</i>

305
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:45,526
- What's that?
- Oh, that's my new driving sock.

306
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,765
You can borrow.

307
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,205
Actually, J.D.'s been
living here secretly.

308
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:52,335
- Turk, why?
- Get those judgmental eyes off me!

309
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,345
J.D. Didn't want to, I begged.

310
00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:56,176
- Is that true?
- I didn't say that.

311
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,683
- J.D. Can do my voice.
- Hey, it's getting good!

312
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,719
Well, thank you! I lost it.

313
00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:03,220
You three are ridiculous.

314
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,120
I'm just here
to grab a ride to work.

315
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:08,251
At a hospital where you
don't actually work! And you?

316
00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:11,694
How am I to tell you I'm not ready
to have a baby when you're excited?

317
00:17:11,797 --> 00:17:14,493
And you secretly moving back in here?

318
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,661
Now, I really don't love
being den mother to you three...

319
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,233
It's like crack to me.

320
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:24,970
Still, let me ask you something. Why
are you three so afraid of moving on?

321
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,280
You're still eating those brownies!

322
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:31,373
I don't wanna get pregnant!
Shoot.

323
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,547
So you're going to the university
for a transplant!

324
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,987
Well, come back and see us, OK?

325
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:40,786
Who is responsible
for not treating that man?

326
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:44,796
Well, I was going to treat him,
but I lost my stethoscope, and that's...

327
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,492
He's my patient, Bob!

328
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,296
I'm responsible.

329
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:51,427
Dr. Dorian, I have kept my mouth shut

330
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,995
about the recent
sexual harassment complaints

331
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,804
because I don't think it's fair
to punish a man for making small talk,

332
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:02,712
or, say, asking his secretary
just once to dress up as a geisha girl

333
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,114
- and call him Kelso-san...
- What?

334
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:07,414
Nothing. But now I need to know,

335
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:10,011
is this the type of attending
you're going to be?

336
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,616
- I guess so.
- Anything else?

337
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:17,185
<i>I could tell him there's nothing in my
cup and I'm pretending to drink</i>

338
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,163
<i>to seem nonchalant...
No.</i>

339
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:22,689
<i>... but I was thinking
about what Carla said about moving on.</i>

340
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,531
<i>And I wasn't the only one.</i>

341
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:28,131
Well, at least there's one attending
around here I can count on.

342
00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:31,574
The hell with it, Bob.
I don't work here! Have a good one.

343
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:34,840
- I hate this place.
- It hates you, Bob.

344
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:42,751
That's it.
All my birth control pills are gone.

345
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,290
Not exactly. That Fig Newton
you're about to eat

346
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:48,623
is not only fat-free,
but it's baby-free.

347
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,059
I just don't get it, Turk.

348
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,689
Look, we had sex 20 times
in eight days,

349
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,289
and I bet it's because
you sensed my hesitance.

350
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:59,236
- I just want a baby so badly.
- Why?

351
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,773
What's it gonna be like having a baby?

352
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:05,971
Dr. Cox says it's like having a dog
that slowly learns how to talk.

353
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,706
Awesome!

354
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:11,739
Right? And I come from a big family,
and I love that.

355
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,318
Me too!

356
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:17,516
And every time we sit at the kitchen
table, I feel like someone's missing.

357
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,349
I can see him.

358
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:30,892
- J.D.!
- Gotta make a quick twosie.

359
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:38,967
This explains a lot.

360
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:42,742
Hey! Meet your volleyball team.
They're terrible.

361
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:44,715
Newbie! I heard your voice.

362
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,550
Thanks for nothin', ass-face.

363
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:58,654
I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one
of these man cards. You deserve it.

364
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,892
Wow. Wanna hug?

365
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,264
You held on to it as long as you could.

366
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:05,394
I'm gonna have a good year,
aren't I?

367
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,836
Anything can happen.

368
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,702
<i>And I knew he was right...</i>

369
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,901
- [Janitor] Excuse me.
- [Screams]

370
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,438
<i>... for all of us.</i>

371
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:16,242
<i>[# The Finn Brothers:
Anything Can Happen]</i>

372
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:17,748
<i>[Glass shatters]</i>

373
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:22,151
Dr. Reid, are you joining us
for lunch today?

374
00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:26,049
Anyone want half
a tofu-cheese sandwich?

375
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:33,594
Repeat after me:
Boy, boy, boy, very tall boy.

376
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,429
Boy, boy, boy, very tall boy.

377
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:36,866
- Boy, boy...
- Boy, boy...

378
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,096
...very tall boy.
...very tall boy.

379
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,506
Good night, Keith.

380
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,341
Hey, keep your head up,
you're doing a good job.

381
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,847
[Keith] Thanks for everything,
Dr. Dorian.

382
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:57,074
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383
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,223
Who am I?

384
00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:04,956
- [J.D. Screams]
- [Thud]

385
00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:11,785
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