1
00:00:02,733 --> 00:00:05,027
After four years,
I know the hospital so well

2
00:00:05,094 --> 00:00:07,798
I can sneak in a little
nap-walk before rounds.

3
00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:13,243
Two quick steps to the left to avoid
overly ambitious orderly....

4
00:00:13,910 --> 00:00:17,324
Hop over the dead guy Doug's dragging,
because he lost his gurney again....

5
00:00:17,804 --> 00:00:20,164
The man's dead,
J.D. Show some respect.

6
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:23,803
And, finally, Dr. Kelso's 9 A.M.
wrong shoulder tap.

7
00:00:25,117 --> 00:00:27,908
Dammit! Every morning, tapping --
no one's ever there!

8
00:00:28,109 --> 00:00:30,164
'Course, you can't be
ready for everything.

9
00:00:30,478 --> 00:00:32,652
Hey. Help me move this weekend.

10
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:35,229
We scoff.
And we walk away.

11
00:00:36,759 --> 00:00:40,380
Remind me again why you're
having our son baptized?

12
00:00:40,478 --> 00:00:42,787
Oh, what do you care?
You're not even going!

13
00:00:42,844 --> 00:00:44,299
Fine, let him go to church.

14
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,051
I mean, I let him go to magic shows.

15
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:47,987
I'll just tell him it's all a lie
when he gets home

16
00:00:48,021 --> 00:00:50,340
so he doesn't have any of
those crazy nightmares.

17
00:00:50,692 --> 00:00:52,509
By the way, I invited your sister.

18
00:00:53,292 --> 00:00:55,371
Jordan, please tell me you didn't.

19
00:00:55,484 --> 00:00:56,875
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie...

20
00:00:56,939 --> 00:00:58,548
I didn't realize you'd be so upset.

21
00:00:58,747 --> 00:01:00,628
I'll call her and tell her
not to come.

22
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:04,093
How weird would it be
if I was like that!

23
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:04,894
Totally!

24
00:01:05,468 --> 00:01:06,221
Weird!

25
00:01:07,156 --> 00:01:08,924
When is this joyous occasion?

26
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:10,299
You're not invited.

27
00:01:10,444 --> 00:01:11,141
Oh, I see.

28
00:01:11,221 --> 00:01:13,429
Family only, everyone!
That's how they're doin' it.

29
00:01:13,492 --> 00:01:14,388
I'm going.

30
00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:17,308
Newbie, gimme a break, will ya.
Of course you're going.

31
00:01:17,373 --> 00:01:21,533
As a matter of fact, I...I'd like you
to be the boy's god-father.

32
00:01:22,531 --> 00:01:24,995
I...

33
00:01:25,587 --> 00:01:26,965
am honored.

34
00:01:27,436 --> 00:01:28,438
I...

35
00:01:29,733 --> 00:01:31,245
am lying.

36
00:01:36,381 --> 00:01:39,228
I'm--I'm not sure I see how that's funny.

37
00:01:42,284 --> 00:01:43,629
Uh, what's with the second beeper?

38
00:01:43,707 --> 00:01:44,899
Carla gave it to me.

39
00:01:45,069 --> 00:01:47,807
She's got me on 24-hour
baby-making alert.

40
00:01:47,876 --> 00:01:49,700
Man, we haven't had sex
since her last ovulation.

41
00:01:49,756 --> 00:01:51,459
Did you know that women only
do that once a month?

42
00:01:51,686 --> 00:01:53,813
Of course I knew that, Turk.
I'm a doctor.

43
00:01:54,325 --> 00:01:56,421
Once a month? That's crazy!

44
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,286
I don't know why I even bother ovulating.

45
00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,420
Little Haley doesn't
have a chance this month.

46
00:02:01,203 --> 00:02:04,188
I name my eggs -- big frick.
Last month it was "Cassy."

47
00:02:04,251 --> 00:02:05,709
Ooh, "Cassy"'s pretty.

48
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:09,099
Oh, she would have been, J.D. She would have been.

49
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:10,430
Everyone!

50
00:02:10,493 --> 00:02:11,685
This is my sister, Paige.

51
00:02:11,748 --> 00:02:14,774
Paige, I'd like you to meet
random people I don't care about.

52
00:02:14,836 --> 00:02:16,772
Ahh! Here for the baptism!

53
00:02:17,412 --> 00:02:19,685
I remember my son Harrison's big day.

54
00:02:19,781 --> 00:02:23,355
All of us laughing at him in his
frilly little baptism dress.

55
00:02:23,437 --> 00:02:26,973
Heh. Well, we're not laughing anymore.
Harrison's a poofter.

56
00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:28,181
Bob Kelso.

57
00:02:28,758 --> 00:02:30,116
Hi, I'm J.D.

58
00:02:30,181 --> 00:02:31,709
I'm sure Perry's spoken of me.

59
00:02:31,788 --> 00:02:33,413
Noo....

60
00:02:33,563 --> 00:02:36,948
Nothing about taking a talented
go-getter under his wing?

61
00:02:37,003 --> 00:02:39,349
Or being surrogate father
to a boy who's lost his own?

62
00:02:39,413 --> 00:02:40,197
Nothing about that at all?

63
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,139
I'm surprised,
it's interesting to me, but okay.

64
00:02:42,153 --> 00:02:44,478
Don't cry in front of people.

65
00:02:44,556 --> 00:02:45,854
Perry and I don't talk much.

66
00:02:45,923 --> 00:02:47,611
Oh, they don't talk much, everybody!

67
00:02:47,692 --> 00:02:49,189
There's no talking in the family.

68
00:02:49,246 --> 00:02:52,764
Rest assured, Newbie, even if we
did talk from morning till night

69
00:02:52,854 --> 00:02:56,342
about all the big and tiny things that matter
most to me -- the big being my son

70
00:02:56,405 --> 00:03:00,197
Jack, a cure for cancer, and the resurgence
of the hard-shelled taco --

71
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:06,126
The small being my ex-wife, Jordan,
wind energy, and a-ha-hall fruit-infused liquors

72
00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:09,229
your name still would not have come up.

73
00:03:09,748 --> 00:03:12,981
I'm honestly not sure which one of
you I find more hhhirritating.

74
00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:15,794
What does he find "he-h-irritating" about you?

75
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:18,644
Fire at will.

76
00:03:18,788 --> 00:03:21,907
I've embraced the Lord Jesus Christ
as my personal savior.

77
00:03:23,317 --> 00:03:25,645
I'm not sure why it was
suddenly so awkward,

78
00:03:25,717 --> 00:03:28,004
but I wish something
would break the tension.

79
00:03:29,282 --> 00:03:32,733
Hallelujah!
A brotha's 'bout to have some sex!

80
00:03:32,860 --> 00:03:38,211
Ha Ha! Hallelujah!
A brotha's 'bout to have some seeeeeeex!

81
00:03:39,068 --> 00:03:41,532
Smack the money-maker!

82
00:03:41,611 --> 00:03:43,171
Smack it.

83
00:03:43,229 --> 00:03:44,789
That's how he likes it.

84
00:03:44,822 --> 00:03:46,308
Ahhh! Sex time, people!

85
00:03:46,382 --> 00:03:49,276
He's married,
so it's strictly procreation sex.

86
00:03:49,588 --> 00:03:52,990
His wife's throwing her legs up in the air,
because they're trying for a boy,

87
00:03:54,308 --> 00:03:55,805
...like Jesus!

88
00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:59,469
Scrubs 5x05 - My new God

89
00:03:59,549 --> 00:04:08,532
forom.com
- - - -
scrubs.mopnt.com/scripts

90
00:04:11,397 --> 00:04:13,651
You know what used to
drive Perry nuts as a kid?

91
00:04:13,723 --> 00:04:16,916
Every night we'd play Horse in the driveway,
and I'd always kick his ass.

92
00:04:17,310 --> 00:04:19,076
Can Christians say "ass" now?

93
00:04:19,156 --> 00:04:22,444
I have a friend ,Pat Casey
he called his mom an ass once?

94
00:04:22,509 --> 00:04:24,778
She hit him in the face with an iron!

95
00:04:25,189 --> 00:04:28,148
He still goes to church,
but he can't whistle anymore.

96
00:04:28,692 --> 00:04:31,021
Okay. I'm gonna go say hi to Jordan.

97
00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:33,915
She's dynamite.

98
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,685
How'd you end up with
a born-again Christian sister?

99
00:04:36,766 --> 00:04:37,812
I don't know.

100
00:04:38,483 --> 00:04:40,228
Maybe the T.V. was broken one day

101
00:04:40,283 --> 00:04:43,685
and she picked up the Bible
and found it to be just a darn good read.

102
00:04:43,747 --> 00:04:46,588
Or maybe it had something
to do with our mother's ability

103
00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,923
to watch silently as our dad drunkenly

104
00:04:48,995 --> 00:04:50,995
knocked us from room to room.

105
00:04:51,062 --> 00:04:52,733
Whatta you think there, Newbie?

106
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,627
Probably the "room to room" thing.

107
00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:59,346
It's always hard to find the right
words at a moment like this.

108
00:04:59,454 --> 00:05:02,209
Dr. Cox!
If it makes you feel any better,

109
00:05:02,271 --> 00:05:04,879
at the baptism I'll be there
to keep Paige company.

110
00:05:04,944 --> 00:05:05,680
Yeah.

111
00:05:05,855 --> 00:05:06,879
You're not going.

112
00:05:07,478 --> 00:05:08,615
Dammit!

113
00:05:08,774 --> 00:05:10,165
Stupid baptism.

114
00:05:11,430 --> 00:05:13,064
I'm gonna have some sex!

115
00:05:13,151 --> 00:05:15,927
I'm gonna have some
seeeeeaaaggghhh!

116
00:05:16,295 --> 00:05:18,079
Okay, so my cervical mucus is peaking,

117
00:05:18,144 --> 00:05:20,088
my temperature is slightly elevated,

118
00:05:20,161 --> 00:05:22,201
and these pillows will
keep my vagina angled

119
00:05:22,271 --> 00:05:24,110
so that the semen can
pool against my cervix.

120
00:05:24,184 --> 00:05:26,495
Baby, that is some
god-awful dirty talk.

121
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,879
Turk, we're making a baby.
Let's get down to business.

122
00:05:28,944 --> 00:05:30,800
Honey, I need to feel the heat!

123
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,300
I need at least thirty minutes of foreplay -- then,

124
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:36,415
and only then, can I be fully ready,

125
00:05:36,550 --> 00:05:38,519
...to make love to you.

126
00:05:38,656 --> 00:05:39,870
Tyra Banks.

127
00:05:41,255 --> 00:05:42,584
There. You're ready.

128
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:50,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

129
00:06:03,303 --> 00:06:06,944
Oh, hey fellas? I'm trying to give
somebody evil eye over there.

130
00:06:07,007 --> 00:06:10,038
Would you mind breaking it up
so I can...? You understand.

131
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,384
Thanks, fellas.

132
00:06:11,464 --> 00:06:13,343
Very nice of you. I appreciate it!

133
00:06:13,399 --> 00:06:14,463
Thank you.

134
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,480
He's just mad because
I won't help him move.

135
00:06:22,545 --> 00:06:24,000
Well, you shoulda done it.

136
00:06:24,088 --> 00:06:26,016
Helping someone move is
like oral sex,

137
00:06:26,064 --> 00:06:28,144
you do it once and then
they owe you for life.

138
00:06:28,576 --> 00:06:30,232
Mm. My high school boyfriend's
an accountant now,

139
00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,399
and he still does my taxes for free.

140
00:06:32,463 --> 00:06:33,959
You know what's weird?

141
00:06:34,024 --> 00:06:36,223
He also does my brother Barry's.

142
00:06:36,288 --> 00:06:40,805
My son, Harrison, dabbles in sado-masochism
and he has a new gimp named Barry.

143
00:06:40,999 --> 00:06:42,744
Or is it Larry?

144
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:46,007
At my age, it's getting harder and
harder to keep track of his gimps.

145
00:06:46,086 --> 00:06:48,122
And then it occurred to me.

146
00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:51,752
This was the perfect opportunity to
take an enemy and turn him into a friend!

147
00:06:52,737 --> 00:06:53,624
I'll do it!

148
00:06:53,735 --> 00:06:54,672
I knew you would.

149
00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:55,928
You're very predictable.

150
00:06:56,014 --> 00:06:57,278
- No I'm not!
- No I'm not!

151
00:06:57,952 --> 00:06:59,031
- Stop doing that!
- Stop doing that!

152
00:06:59,829 --> 00:07:01,624
- Peanut butter egg dirt!
- Peanut butter egg dirt!

153
00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:04,158
Newbie, let's go. Mr. Donnelly's
test results are in.

154
00:07:06,144 --> 00:07:09,192
It's never easy to tell a family
that medicine isn't working.

155
00:07:09,255 --> 00:07:11,971
I, uh, I wish I had better news for you.

156
00:07:12,971 --> 00:07:16,394
Unfortunately, we're not seeing the improvement
we'd hoped for with this medication.

157
00:07:16,952 --> 00:07:18,738
What are our options?

158
00:07:19,249 --> 00:07:21,218
I'm afraid there are no other options.

159
00:07:21,338 --> 00:07:23,834
There's always prayer.

160
00:07:25,130 --> 00:07:26,458
Oh, no.

161
00:07:26,536 --> 00:07:30,266
You know, with God by your side,
anything is possible.

162
00:07:30,545 --> 00:07:34,550
Could I speak with you in the
"stop filling my patient's head with false hope" ward?

163
00:07:37,531 --> 00:07:40,057
Paige. We have protocol here.

164
00:07:40,122 --> 00:07:42,194
First we shake our magic 8 ball,

165
00:07:42,259 --> 00:07:44,896
then we explore all witchcraft-related options.

166
00:07:45,019 --> 00:07:45,954
Oh, right.

167
00:07:46,041 --> 00:07:47,834
'Cause people who believe in God are crazy!

168
00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:49,487
And you're the same one!

169
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,987
Hey! You guys like improv?

170
00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:53,697
'Cause I'm kind of an expert.

171
00:07:53,904 --> 00:07:55,466
There's a game we play in class where

172
00:07:55,538 --> 00:07:57,706
you make up what people are saying.

173
00:07:57,802 --> 00:07:59,041
Like, watch:

174
00:07:59,401 --> 00:08:00,663
"Do you want some pie?"

175
00:08:01,012 --> 00:08:02,403
"Not me, I hate pie."

176
00:08:02,571 --> 00:08:04,410
"What are you talking about?
Who hates pie?"

177
00:08:04,475 --> 00:08:05,444
"Everyone loves pie!"

178
00:08:05,516 --> 00:08:08,137
"I've always hated pie!
You never understood me!"

179
00:08:08,331 --> 00:08:09,689
"You're a pie racist!"

180
00:08:09,745 --> 00:08:11,603
"Well, you're a cobbler whore!"

181
00:08:12,233 --> 00:08:14,290
For God's sake, get off pie!

182
00:08:14,632 --> 00:08:15,387
Jerk!

183
00:08:15,456 --> 00:08:16,384
Republican.

184
00:08:16,449 --> 00:08:18,466
"Piiiiiie."

185
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,369
Gotta find an improv class that
doesn't meet in the back of a pie shop.

186
00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:29,521
Aw, dammit,
I gotta go have ovulation sex again.

187
00:08:29,649 --> 00:08:32,291
Are you actually complaining
about getting to have sex?

188
00:08:32,339 --> 00:08:34,595
Because that is so insensitive, Turk!

189
00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:35,042
J.D.!

190
00:08:35,105 --> 00:08:37,625
Let me feel my feelings, Turk!

191
00:08:37,682 --> 00:08:39,193
We worked on this!

192
00:08:40,961 --> 00:08:42,794
I've really gotta stop doing that!

193
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,585
You can talk to me if you want?

194
00:08:44,682 --> 00:08:46,690
Elliot, I can't talk to you about sex,

195
00:08:46,761 --> 00:08:49,368
I don't understand any of
that crazy gibberish you use.

196
00:08:49,409 --> 00:08:51,072
"Penis" is "schwing"-something....

197
00:08:51,145 --> 00:08:53,330
"Schwing-schwong," "peepers," or "peep."

198
00:08:53,538 --> 00:08:54,953
Right. And "vagina" is...?

199
00:08:54,986 --> 00:08:57,730
Disgusting!
But also "bajingo" or "hoo-hoo."

200
00:08:58,402 --> 00:08:59,386
Here's the deal:

201
00:08:59,682 --> 00:09:01,537
I'm trying to get in the mood, right?

202
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,235
And Carla's going on and
on about her cervical mucus.

203
00:09:05,315 --> 00:09:11,027
From now on "cervical mucus" will be
referred to as "icky sticky."

204
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,434
"Icky sticky."

205
00:09:12,529 --> 00:09:13,577
Continue.

206
00:09:14,691 --> 00:09:15,738
Morning, sunshine!

207
00:09:15,802 --> 00:09:17,154
Never say that again.

208
00:09:17,217 --> 00:09:18,979
Noted.

209
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,427
That was quite a fight you
had with your sister yesterday.

210
00:09:21,922 --> 00:09:23,217
Won't it be a little awkward,

211
00:09:23,265 --> 00:09:24,673
when you show up you show up
at St. Mary's Cathedral,

212
00:09:24,754 --> 00:09:30,136
on the corner of Maple and Pine,
right across from Temple Oheb Shalom, at 4 P.M. today?

213
00:09:30,201 --> 00:09:32,715
That's not where the baptism is,
but nice try.

214
00:09:32,745 --> 00:09:33,626
Mark my words,

215
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,000
when that little bastard's dipped in water,
I will be there.

216
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,859
Anyway, I just invited Paige to come by.

217
00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:41,977
Mr. Donnelly's labs came back and

218
00:09:42,057 --> 00:09:44,200
it looks like the steroid is finally working.

219
00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:46,249
If you happen to be keeping score at home,
that would be

220
00:09:46,313 --> 00:09:47,746
Medicine,One - God, Zero.

221
00:09:47,802 --> 00:09:49,494
Ah, you don't have to
rub it in her face.

222
00:09:49,557 --> 00:09:52,394
Yeah, and I don't have to stick Kelso's stethoscope
down my pants every morning,

223
00:09:52,394 --> 00:09:53,453
but I still do.

224
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:56,802
Now isn't there some other relationship
you could be out there trying to fix?

225
00:09:57,715 --> 00:09:59,498
Actually, there was.

226
00:10:00,025 --> 00:10:01,570
Morning, sunshine!

227
00:10:01,826 --> 00:10:03,072
I don't like that.

228
00:10:03,162 --> 00:10:04,761
Nobody seems to.

229
00:10:04,884 --> 00:10:07,408
Well, come on.
Grab some boxes, let's get to movin', huh?

230
00:10:08,427 --> 00:10:10,833
I hope I can find a way
to connect with him.

231
00:10:22,395 --> 00:10:24,562
Thanks for saving that --
that's one of my favorite pieces.

232
00:10:24,802 --> 00:10:26,280
You're welcome, friend!

233
00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:29,482
I gotta say, you got a lot of
Asian art around here.

234
00:10:29,570 --> 00:10:32,241
When I was a kid, I always thought I'd, uh,
travel the world, you know?

235
00:10:32,322 --> 00:10:33,865
So after college, I went to China.

236
00:10:33,947 --> 00:10:35,505
Did all the normal touristy things,

237
00:10:35,571 --> 00:10:37,643
I saw the Great Wall,
ate the food,

238
00:10:37,722 --> 00:10:39,674
had a baby with a local,

239
00:10:39,985 --> 00:10:41,562
You know, just the regular stuff.

240
00:10:41,643 --> 00:10:44,042
Anyway, I guess I decorate my place this way
'cause it reminds me of a more,

241
00:10:44,105 --> 00:10:46,136
...optimistic time.

242
00:10:46,682 --> 00:10:48,147
That probably sounds crazy.

243
00:10:48,427 --> 00:10:49,929
Doesn't sound crazy at all.

244
00:10:50,278 --> 00:10:51,961
Thanks, man.

245
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:54,162
And like that,
I was in.

246
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,346
Damn!

247
00:11:01,538 --> 00:11:04,173
DONUTS DONUTS
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248
00:11:06,522 --> 00:11:07,976
I paged you an hour ago!

249
00:11:08,725 --> 00:11:10,162
I was in surgery.

250
00:11:12,187 --> 00:11:15,450
Is that doughnut glaze
on your cheek?

251
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,712
Guess we're not having sex, huh?

252
00:11:17,825 --> 00:11:19,466
Oh, ho, ho, no. We're having sex.

253
00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:20,498
Get in there.

254
00:11:20,577 --> 00:11:22,015
Wait, baby...I'm too full.

255
00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:23,195
Now, Turk.

256
00:11:23,355 --> 00:11:24,616
Man!

257
00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:28,178
Long story short,
after confirming it with my bunk-mates,

258
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:32,856
that counselor and his
"friendship lotion" were transferred out of our cabin,

259
00:11:32,921 --> 00:11:34,995
and we never spoke about it again.

260
00:11:35,089 --> 00:11:37,226
Well, "what doesn't kill ya..."

261
00:11:37,307 --> 00:11:40,410
We're as thick as two thieves in a pod!

262
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,791
Okay! Time to move some of the heavier stuff,

263
00:11:43,863 --> 00:11:45,639
so you might want to put on these gloves.

264
00:11:46,594 --> 00:11:49,120
Aaaand the attic upstairs
has a lot of fiberglass in it,

265
00:11:49,217 --> 00:11:50,783
...so a little hat.

266
00:11:50,868 --> 00:11:51,664
Thanks, pal!

267
00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:52,905
Sure, bud!

268
00:11:53,378 --> 00:11:56,144
I figured out why
I'm so great at managing relationships....

269
00:11:57,587 --> 00:11:59,523
...I don't rub things in people's faces.

270
00:12:00,322 --> 00:12:01,581
I thought you might like to know,

271
00:12:01,662 --> 00:12:05,118
that your husband's chest x-ray looks better.

272
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:07,554
He is finally starting to improve.

273
00:12:07,913 --> 00:12:09,352
Thank you so much.

274
00:12:09,530 --> 00:12:11,139
I was really just doing my job--

275
00:12:11,207 --> 00:12:13,778
Oh, I'm...talking to Paige.

276
00:12:13,986 --> 00:12:16,083
She was up all night praying with us.

277
00:12:19,898 --> 00:12:21,178
Stupid jerk!

278
00:12:22,715 --> 00:12:25,898
...I never go to bed very, very mad.

279
00:12:26,115 --> 00:12:28,376
Angry sex is awesome!

280
00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:32,961
And I've always known if I make even
the slightest gesture of friendship,

281
00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:34,577
to a difficult co-worker...

282
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:37,770
Who are you!?!?

283
00:12:38,394 --> 00:12:41,259
...I'll end up robbing
an Asian couple's house.

284
00:12:46,048 --> 00:12:47,000
I couldn't help wondering,

285
00:12:47,168 --> 00:12:49,763
what the sentence was
for stealing a Buddha.

286
00:12:49,826 --> 00:12:52,674
After all,
people get pretty sensitive about religion.

287
00:12:55,528 --> 00:12:57,402
Could I comment on the baptism dress?

288
00:12:58,033 --> 00:13:00,691
I think you should wait to see
the matching slippers and tiny handbag.

289
00:13:00,921 --> 00:13:06,313
You're actually encouraging him to cross-dress on
the same day that you're introducing him to a religion

290
00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,961
that will condemn him to Hell for it.

291
00:13:09,154 --> 00:13:11,331
That's a trauma twofer.

292
00:13:11,403 --> 00:13:14,354
Can you two please just try to get along?

293
00:13:14,408 --> 00:13:16,315
Now I'm getting some blush for Jack,

294
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,802
because this lace collar
is washing out his face.

295
00:13:18,889 --> 00:13:19,907
Terrible.

296
00:13:20,003 --> 00:13:23,993
Paige, will you just acknowledge
that medicine made Mr. Donnelly better?

297
00:13:24,123 --> 00:13:26,602
Fine. It was medicine.

298
00:13:26,769 --> 00:13:29,361
Thank God for creating medicine.

299
00:13:29,370 --> 00:13:31,019
A-ghe-de-geh-geh-geh!
That's it!

300
00:13:31,274 --> 00:13:34,850
That is it.
Now you, you may be a total goner,

301
00:13:34,928 --> 00:13:36,904
but God's not getting his hands on this one.

302
00:13:36,961 --> 00:13:38,681
No way, no how.

303
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:41,399
Jackie boy,
we got places to go.

304
00:13:44,317 --> 00:13:46,198
Turk! I'm ready!

305
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,207
All right.

306
00:13:48,873 --> 00:13:50,693
So angry sex is awesome.

307
00:13:51,126 --> 00:13:53,056
That's no reason to go down a bad road.

308
00:13:55,072 --> 00:13:56,841
Baby, you know what I miss?

309
00:13:57,855 --> 00:13:59,934
When your body was kickin'.

310
00:14:00,744 --> 00:14:02,880
I ain't touchin' no damn diapers.

311
00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:07,440
Baby, all I'm saying is

312
00:14:07,519 --> 00:14:09,174
that in some European countries,

313
00:14:09,238 --> 00:14:11,831
it's totally acceptable for a man
to have a mistress.

314
00:14:12,078 --> 00:14:13,572
Why you--

315
00:14:20,581 --> 00:14:23,309
I'm gonna make you pay for
every word you said!

316
00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:27,765
Worth it!

317
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:32,371
Now that I'm on the lam,
I thought about two things.

318
00:14:32,716 --> 00:14:34,875
One, what my prison name would be...

319
00:14:35,014 --> 00:14:36,085
Gizmo!

320
00:14:36,221 --> 00:14:39,020
...and Two, whether some relationships
were beyond repair.

321
00:14:40,509 --> 00:14:43,020
Then Fate threw me another curve.

322
00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:44,187
Hey, who's your friend?

323
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,605
My boy in a dress.
Who's yours?

324
00:14:45,893 --> 00:14:48,631
Well, seeing as he gave me the strength
to outrun the sheriff's K-9 unit,

325
00:14:48,697 --> 00:14:50,458
I'd say he's my new god.

326
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:54,469
You can rub mine's belly
if I can rub yours'.

327
00:14:54,573 --> 00:14:56,111
Don't you touch my son.

328
00:14:57,827 --> 00:14:59,236
Angry sex is like a drug.

329
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,773
I can't stop!

330
00:15:00,909 --> 00:15:02,470
I'll be right out,
I'm just fixing my hair.

331
00:15:02,722 --> 00:15:04,620
Rake's in the closet, baby!

332
00:15:06,899 --> 00:15:07,956
Help me!

333
00:15:08,446 --> 00:15:10,975
Turk! Just go back to the way things were.
Carla loved it.

334
00:15:11,155 --> 00:15:12,229
Don't you get it?

335
00:15:12,293 --> 00:15:15,442
Trying to make a baby with you is
the sexiest thing in the world to her.

336
00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:16,994
Elliot, I'm a man.

337
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:20,682
I've been programmed to think that a baby is
the worst possible consequence of sex.

338
00:15:20,865 --> 00:15:21,931
Well, it's not.

339
00:15:23,394 --> 00:15:26,673
Honey for my honey!

340
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:36,503
Why are you stopping?

341
00:15:42,394 --> 00:15:43,938
Losing a baseball scholarship

342
00:15:44,019 --> 00:15:47,315
because a bear ate your arm is
a much worse consequence of sex.

343
00:15:47,544 --> 00:15:50,129
You have to help me end this angry sex cycle!

344
00:15:50,681 --> 00:15:51,433
I'm ready.

345
00:15:51,532 --> 00:15:52,364
Oh, Carla,

346
00:15:52,448 --> 00:15:55,592
Turk's making you mad on purpose
because the angry sex is so good.

347
00:15:57,235 --> 00:15:59,952
The cycle is broken!

348
00:16:02,177 --> 00:16:04,985
There will be no whining or
crying while we sit here, understood?

349
00:16:05,066 --> 00:16:06,394
He seems fine.

350
00:16:06,457 --> 00:16:07,753
I wasn't talking to him.

351
00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:09,937
I don't whine or cry.

352
00:16:10,017 --> 00:16:10,866
Really?

353
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:11,961
Then how do you explain these photos of you

354
00:16:12,018 --> 00:16:13,423
whining and crying as you

355
00:16:13,490 --> 00:16:15,568
run away from the Kwans' apartment?

356
00:16:16,587 --> 00:16:17,946
These are coasters.

357
00:16:18,028 --> 00:16:19,234
My camera's broken.

358
00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:20,907
You turned me into a felon!

359
00:16:20,970 --> 00:16:22,490
You know what, there, Newbie?

360
00:16:22,571 --> 00:16:24,186
You can go to the baptism.

361
00:16:24,386 --> 00:16:25,586
Now take Jack,

362
00:16:25,634 --> 00:16:27,490
Jordan'll kill me if he's not there.

363
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:29,147
Plus, I know you,

364
00:16:29,352 --> 00:16:33,378
you're exactly one watered-down appletini away
from trying to fix my sister and me.

365
00:16:33,442 --> 00:16:34,394
No, thank you.

366
00:16:34,465 --> 00:16:35,772
If there's one thing I learned from this guy,

367
00:16:35,831 --> 00:16:38,139
it's I need to stop trying to
fix people's relationships.

368
00:16:39,115 --> 00:16:40,202
You're welcome.

369
00:16:40,649 --> 00:16:43,530
Still, I've never known you to
judge a person based on their beliefs.

370
00:16:43,653 --> 00:16:45,787
In fact, you're pretty tolerant of everyone.

371
00:16:45,866 --> 00:16:47,596
Except Hugh Jackman.

372
00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:51,663
I just don't understand why your sister
being religious bothers you so much.

373
00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:54,422
...It doesn't.

374
00:16:54,557 --> 00:16:55,999
Then why are you so angry?

375
00:16:59,495 --> 00:17:01,089
"So, do you like pie?"

376
00:17:01,432 --> 00:17:04,061
"Look at me, do I look like a
guy who doesn't like pie?"

377
00:17:04,183 --> 00:17:05,423
"I love pie."

378
00:17:05,663 --> 00:17:08,345
"Incidentally,
where do you buy your loincloths?"

379
00:17:09,559 --> 00:17:12,942
I--I don't think I can do this without Perry.
I mean, he's my everything.

380
00:17:13,528 --> 00:17:15,392
You're right.
It would be weird if you were like that.

381
00:17:15,471 --> 00:17:16,127
Right?

382
00:17:16,192 --> 00:17:17,007
Yeah.

383
00:17:17,448 --> 00:17:19,833
I just don't understand why
we can't have fun while making a baby.

384
00:17:19,894 --> 00:17:21,895
I am just so glad you have to
hurt my feelings to have fun.

385
00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:24,269
- I can't believe you! Calm down!
- Great, that's really nice for you. "Calm down"?

386
00:17:24,299 --> 00:17:25,849
I'm gonna kill you!

387
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:26,759
You hear that?

388
00:17:26,816 --> 00:17:28,039
She's gonna kill me!

389
00:17:28,121 --> 00:17:29,497
Get her.

390
00:17:29,568 --> 00:17:30,871
Okay, look, you two stop fighting or

391
00:17:30,928 --> 00:17:32,950
I will turn this church around.

392
00:17:33,727 --> 00:17:36,679
Sometimes I think it takes a child 
to make you see the light.

393
00:18:31,756 --> 00:18:33,115
Isn't he beautiful?

394
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:37,905
Yeah...

395
00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:40,122
He is.

396
00:18:59,851 --> 00:19:03,083
Oh! Wow! Has anyone ever told you 
you're an extremely average athlete?

397
00:19:03,163 --> 00:19:05,201
That's cold, sis. It's ice cold.

398
00:19:05,888 --> 00:19:10,463
You know, uh, I been thinking about 
why I hate seeing you so much.

399
00:19:10,554 --> 00:19:12,106
Please, Perry, don't hold back.

400
00:19:12,547 --> 00:19:14,689
It's not the God stuff.

401
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,034
I have worked hard...

402
00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:21,490
to try to forget everything about our childhood.

403
00:19:23,453 --> 00:19:24,758
But when I see you, I...

404
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,419
I can't think about anything else.

405
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,660
It's hard for me, too.

406
00:19:31,393 --> 00:19:33,073
But I don't see why you can't be there

407
00:19:33,145 --> 00:19:34,906
for the major events in Jack's life.

408
00:19:35,172 --> 00:19:36,674
I'd love to see him turn three.

409
00:19:37,923 --> 00:19:40,083
The major events, Paige.

410
00:19:40,457 --> 00:19:43,555
His graduation, his wedding, his divorce, and his funeral.

411
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:45,019
The Big Four.

412
00:19:45,294 --> 00:19:47,846
I beat you at Horse,
 he has a church wedding.

413
00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:48,779
Done.

414
00:19:51,979 --> 00:19:53,707
That went in, didn't it?

415
00:19:54,196 --> 00:19:56,836
Did you thank the G-Man for that?

416
00:19:56,923 --> 00:19:58,805
That was all me, baby.

417
00:19:59,405 --> 00:19:59,905
Yeah, it was.

418
00:20:01,253 --> 00:20:03,718
So maybe relationships can be fixed.

419
00:20:05,142 --> 00:20:07,726
Whether it's by coming around to 
your spouse's way of thinking...

420
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:08,964
Well, I'm sorry.

421
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:12,028
I didn't get how this baby-making 
stuff could be sexy.

422
00:20:12,909 --> 00:20:14,203
But I do now.

423
00:20:14,924 --> 00:20:18,653
Well, you know, Turk, 
I can get angry if you give me a little help.

424
00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:24,805
If you had no hair, 
you'd look like Danny DeVito.

425
00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:26,932
Aw, Turk, a little help.

426
00:20:29,676 --> 00:20:31,464
...or by reassuring the Kwans that,

427
00:20:31,537 --> 00:20:34,037
their Big Guy didn't desert them.
"I MISSED YOU"

428
00:20:36,076 --> 00:20:38,596
In the end, 
you just have to be willing to take the first step.

429
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,605
By the way, if you want, 
Jack's birthday is in the spring...

430
00:20:43,404 --> 00:20:44,340
...sometime.

431
00:20:44,404 --> 00:20:46,458
March 21st. 
Bye, Perry.

432
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:49,404
Bye, Paige.

433
00:20:52,797 --> 00:20:55,003
You know, 
"Paige" is a silly name.

434
00:20:55,474 --> 00:20:56,611
"Perry"'s worse.

435
00:21:01,099 --> 00:21:05,099
angol scriptből időzítette : matthew
hmatyas@freemail.hu

436
00:21:06,305 --> 00:21:12,452
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