1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:03,735 [# The Turtles: Happy Together] 2 00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:08,165 [J.D.] Behold Julie Quinn. 3 00:00:08,274 --> 00:00:10,640 [Sings] Ahhh! 4 00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:15,113 We fell for each other so swiftly, we decided to buy some property together. 5 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,206 And build a deck on it. 6 00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,917 To our half acre. 7 00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:22,545 Hey, look, the Clarks are home. 8 00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:26,284 [J.D.] Unfortunately, the Clarks felt if we weren't building a house, 9 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,520 we weren't technically their neighbors. 10 00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:31,119 - Hey, Clarks! - Go to hell! 11 00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:35,759 OK. Hey, Buzz! I'm gonna beat you in poker next time. 12 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,963 [J.D.] The Morgans, on the other side, were friendlier, 13 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,803 but I don't think we're gonna have them over again. 14 00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:44,436 - Hi. - Y'all are a cute couple. 15 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,705 - Thanks. - You want to buy a baby? 16 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,042 - Oh, sweetie? - No. 17 00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:50,582 - I'm sorry. No, thank you. - I'll throw in a crib. 18 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:52,208 Throwing in a crib. 19 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,784 It didn't matter, because I was happy to look out at my beautiful half acre 20 00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:59,484 with my sweet but klutzy gal. 21 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,494 You OK, buttercup? 22 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,826 [Julie] The glass broke in my mouth. 23 00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:12,232 [J.D.] Turk and I had discovered a new way to deal with Kelso's bad moods. 24 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:16,639 Damn it, people. If you can't fill out your patients' insurance forms, then... 25 00:01:16,709 --> 00:01:18,176 Spoonful of peanut butter? 26 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,373 [J.D.] It usually bought us a few minutes of peace, 27 00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:26,818 but then Carla said something that disturbs every man on God's Earth. 28 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,251 I just got my period. 29 00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:29,481 [All] Oh! 30 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,683 This sucks. I've been trying to get pregnant for two months. 31 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,785 - I almost bought a baby yesterday. - What? 32 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,160 [J.D.] Don't tell, in case you want it later. 33 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:40,131 Nothing. 34 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,327 Don't worry about it. We'll keep trying. 35 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:46,304 Remember I read how important it is for the man to have a high-protein diet? 36 00:01:46,372 --> 00:01:49,034 Last time, you are not eating ribs while we do it. 37 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,475 You don't let me have no fun! 38 00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:57,711 I'm not gonna have a kid until that genetic technology is available. 39 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,752 You want to pick the sex and eye color? 40 00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:02,117 No. Gills. When that day comes, 41 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:05,316 goodbye hospital, hello father-son treasure hunting team. 42 00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:09,691 Wow. Well, you better get cracking. What are you, like, 45? 43 00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:12,595 Forty-three. I know I look little older, 44 00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:16,533 but that's 'cause I drink and smoke, work with chemicals, sleep on my face. 45 00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:19,265 - No hard feelings? OK. - All right. 46 00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:24,439 I swear on my unborn fish-boy's life, she will pay. 47 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,881 I need some milk. 48 00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:34,247 - Yo, Glassman. - What's "Glassman"? 49 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,948 It's a basketball thing. I'm a great rebounder. 50 00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:40,720 You know who else is a great rebounder? Dr. Mickhead. 51 00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:42,954 [J.D.] His wife was killed last Saturday. 52 00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,155 Hey, guys. 53 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,289 [Both] Hey, Mickhead! 54 00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:50,462 - Have the police cleared him yet? - He's still a person of interest. 55 00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,904 [J.D.] There was sexual energy everywhere. 56 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:58,740 For the women, it was due to the dashing new gynecologist, Dr. Matthews. 57 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:03,742 Jordan, why would you need seven Pap smears in one month? 58 00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:07,445 I got a lot of Pap. Move your head so I can see. 59 00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:12,890 [J.D.] And for the men, there was a new, sexy Latina nurse: 60 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:15,689 - Nurse Martinez. - [Salsa music plays] 61 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,061 Will you guys stop doing that? 62 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,757 [J.D.] Yep. There was eye candy for all, 63 00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:24,667 and only one thing could upset this delicate balance. 64 00:03:24,737 --> 00:03:28,366 Wow. She looks like a young Carla. 65 00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:34,846 [Electric sizzling] 66 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,512 [Screeching] 67 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,583 [Screaming] 68 00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:57,934 That's why they call him the Glassman. 69 00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,410 [Squeaking] 70 00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:09,978 # I can't do this all on my own 71 00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:13,485 # No, I know I'm no Superman 72 00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:18,884 # I'm no Superman # 73 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,224 [J.D.] Julie and I had overslept, 74 00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:27,255 so we didn't have time for our usual seven solid minutes of lovemaking. 75 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,595 We had to fake it. 76 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:32,331 Oh, yeah! Don't stop! 77 00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,305 Pull my hair! [squeals] 78 00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:36,501 Shut up and take it, you stupid bitch! 79 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:41,070 OK, well, we can stop there. Um, now it's time to ring the sex gong. 80 00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:43,877 - What? - Turk and I got sex gongs in Chinatown. 81 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,418 We're supposed to ring when one of us gets lucky. 82 00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:48,215 Even though I don't live with him, 83 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,587 I like to think that somewhere he hears it and it makes him happy. 84 00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:53,990 That's so funny. 85 00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:02,400 Yeah, buddy! [laughs] That's my dawg! 86 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:07,529 I hope my gong wasn't too loud for you. I know it can be. 87 00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:11,134 It's a loud gong. I mean, it's like, "Gong." 88 00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:14,509 J.D., I knew you were faking 'cause you didn't say, "Bombs away." 89 00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:17,014 How could I forget my sexiest move? 90 00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:20,109 [J.D.] Great. Julie thinks I'm weird and lame and pathe... 91 00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:24,350 J.D., she likes you. Do yourself a favor and stay out of your head for once. 92 00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:28,359 [J.D.] OK, from this moment on, I am officially out of my head. 93 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:34,767 [Carla] Ugh. I'm an old hag. I mean look at her. Everything's so tight and perky. 94 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:38,133 Come on, Carla, it's not her fault. Just do what you always do. 95 00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:42,300 Turn the other cheek and quietly spread the rumor that she's a guy. 96 00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:44,240 Hey, Turk. Guess what...? 97 00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:47,768 She's not a guy, honey. And besides, "Young Carla" is a compliment. 98 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:51,339 Really? So how would you feel if I said, "Hey, it's Skinny Turk"? 99 00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,885 [Carla] And now his boyfriend will comfort him. 100 00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:56,922 Don't listen to her, Brown Bear. Your body's fierce. 101 00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:58,923 - Is it? - Like Taye Diggs. 102 00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:01,255 Taye Diggs. 103 00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:04,461 [Carla] Luckily, I had a best friend too. 104 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:07,431 So, what did "her" name used to be? 105 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,435 - How about Alberto? - I'll spread the word. 106 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,071 Alberto. 107 00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:15,068 When am I gonna get to meet Julie? 108 00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:18,599 Do I want her to meet Turk this soon? What if he doesn't like her? 109 00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:20,236 What are you doing? 110 00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:24,215 I'm saying all my thoughts out loud so I don't mess this relationship up. 111 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,183 I don't understand. 112 00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:28,186 I forgot, sometimes Turk is slow. 113 00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:31,815 You know what? It's time for her to meet the people in my life. 114 00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:33,789 I think she's gonna do great. 115 00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:37,654 J.D.'s parents thought he was gonna be a girl. 116 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:41,393 They didn't have a name when he was born. So until he was three, 117 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:43,526 they called him Joanna. 118 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,663 I don't know who you are, 119 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,264 but thank you for this. 120 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,305 So, what do you think? 121 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:55,438 Sure. I guess I can hide this in my basement for you. 122 00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:56,743 OK. Great. Great. 123 00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:59,580 You know what? Let's just give that back. Thanks. 124 00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:01,619 Nice to see you, Mickhead. 125 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:07,656 Look, Julie, I'm very protective of J.D., 126 00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,820 so it's gonna take a lot to win me over. 127 00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:13,798 J.D. Wanted me to introduce you to my godfather. 128 00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:15,834 Julie's a great girl. 129 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:18,370 [Screams, laughs] 130 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,406 Lando Calrissian! 131 00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:21,939 Come here. Come here. 132 00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:24,700 You can call me Billy Dee. 133 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:27,041 Yes, Lando. Yes. 134 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,944 [Hip-hop plays] 135 00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:32,473 Julie, you already won Carla and me over because you're nice to J.D. 136 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:35,077 You won Jordan over, you bought the first round. 137 00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:37,782 I got lemon drops! 138 00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:40,917 Oh, the last time I had one, I agreed to go on a date with a chick 139 00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:42,722 in my art history class. Mm-mm. 140 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:45,127 Yeah, can we go somewhere less college-y? 141 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:48,759 One of the boys here could be the baby I gave up in high school. 142 00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:51,395 We aren't too old to hang out here. Come on. 143 00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:52,732 Mmm... 144 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:56,468 [Carla] Time to dial up the Spanish. That always makes them feel guilty 145 00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,806 they haven't spent time around minorities. 146 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:03,542 Come on, mis amigas, we don't have to vámonos. Pretty please? 147 00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:05,345 - Whatever. - Let's do it. 148 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,784 To being young. 149 00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:13,182 You guys, for real, you're my best friends. 150 00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:19,725 So Carol... do you like jazz? 151 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,494 [Laughing] Yeah? How much? 152 00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:27,271 Hey, look at what we have here. 153 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,275 A representation of how alcohol affects different ages. 154 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,402 - We have the young... - Morning! 155 00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:35,003 ...the slightly older... - Stop talking. 156 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,811 ...the slightly older still... - [mumbling] 157 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:40,853 ...and last, the very, very, very old. 158 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:44,083 She is unconscious and virtually unwakeable. Witness. 159 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:48,752 Jor-da-roo! Jor-da-licious! Jor-da-roni! Ha-ha! 160 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,796 We'll get you ladies some more coffee. 161 00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:54,128 Jordan, if you're willing to pay for it, just sit there frozen. 162 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,861 How very generous. 163 00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:57,163 That's so funny. 164 00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,128 Yeah. 165 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,367 - Julie's awesome. - Doesn't it bother you 166 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,807 - she never laughs? - What do you mean? 167 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,038 When something's funny, she never laughs. 168 00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:10,707 She just says, "That's so funny." It's kind of annoying. 169 00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:14,877 [Turk] J.D., this is an intervention. 170 00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:18,412 First off, I just want to say, everyone here loves you. 171 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:22,518 This is a safe space. But you're such a commit-a-phobe! 172 00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:25,086 Every time you date a girl with potential, 173 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:28,327 you wind up ruining it over some trivial reason. 174 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,768 Think about the great girls you let slip through your fingers. 175 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:34,965 Kylie, Jaime, Gift Shop Girl, 176 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:40,502 Minnie McSkinny, Mole Butt, Tina Two-kids, Rumplefugly... 177 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,872 I'm forgetting someone. 178 00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:46,315 [Carla] Oh, my God, Turk. If you forget Elliot she's gonna cry. 179 00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:49,354 Turk, aren't you forgetting the greatest girl of them all? 180 00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:52,290 Heidi Horse-Face. 181 00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:55,259 Me, Turk! She's talking about me, OK? 182 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,195 Relax, Elliot. You're Mole Butt. 183 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,129 Really? 184 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,657 Sorry, Turk. 185 00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:07,504 J.D., there's somebody else here who wants to say something. 186 00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:10,133 Don't mess this up, man. Be smooth. 187 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:14,140 - Lando's right. - Billy Dee! 188 00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:16,171 [Mouthing] Lando. 189 00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:20,383 Joanna, now I'm not much 190 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,478 for this sensitive crap. 191 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,523 But darn it all, you've found someone 192 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,149 who's willing to let you annoy them instead of me. 193 00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:30,286 Don't screw up, or you're gonna end up where you always do, 194 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:34,060 lying on that couch wishing you hadn't driven another one away. 195 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:37,762 If Jordan were conscious, she'd... she'd agree. 196 00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:42,240 Now who put that fake arrow through her head? 197 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,208 Huh? Which one of ya? 198 00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:47,910 It was me. I did it. 199 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:54,144 I gotta get cooking. People are going to be here for this barbecue. 200 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:57,246 - Your friends really liked me? - They're crazy about you. 201 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,086 They're worried I'm gonna mess up. 202 00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:02,922 Nah. You're not gonna be a jerk and do something like that, are you? 203 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:08,956 The only jerk around here is the spicy marinade on this Jamaican chicken, mon. 204 00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:10,593 That's so funny. 205 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:14,231 It is, Julie. It is. Why do you always do that? 206 00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:15,330 Do what? 207 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,969 You never laugh when something's funny. You say, "That's so funny." 208 00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:20,807 Does that bother you? 209 00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:28,179 Don't mean to bother anybody. I'm showing Nurse Martinez around. 210 00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:33,089 That's our chief of medicine, that's a patient and that is you in 20 years. 211 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,861 OK. Let's go look at dead people. 212 00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:42,230 That nurse makes me feel so damn old. 213 00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:44,269 Oh, calm down, Nurse Espinosa. 214 00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:47,965 I have it on good authority that she's a dude. 215 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,940 I made that stuff up. 216 00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:54,742 Then it's time for her to meet Bob Kelso, licensed hetero. 217 00:11:57,750 --> 00:12:00,719 Sweetie, you're not old. You don't have crow's feet. 218 00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:04,313 Your bra size hasn't gone from a 34B to a 40 long. 219 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,153 And you don't have arthritis. 220 00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:09,756 Neither do I, but that's how it gets ya. 221 00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:13,162 [Carla] Then Mrs. Wilk said something that really surprised me. 222 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:16,360 It's not like you're trying to get pregnant and you can't. 223 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,104 Actually, I am. 224 00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:21,230 Oh. 225 00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:29,376 [Carla] None of us were the least bit surprised that J.D. Made this happen. 226 00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:32,349 Why is Julie behind that bush crying? 227 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,784 Who knows? Could be anything. 228 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:42,154 You know what's interesting? She's not saying, "That's so sad." 229 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,196 She's actually crying. 230 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,754 - You're an idiot. - Yes, I am. 231 00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:54,597 [Carla] I tried, but I just couldn't get babies off my mind. 232 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,473 Excuse me, fellas. Gotta take a whiz. 233 00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:02,513 Wait a minute. Why am I rushing? 234 00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:08,012 All right. 235 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,554 You're disgusting. 236 00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,355 She's right. I am disgusting. 237 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,432 I'm disgustingly incapable of carrying on a relationship 238 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,160 with someone I actually like. 239 00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:24,759 I apologized to her, so I think we're cool for now, 240 00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:27,772 but it won't last. Every time she says, "That's so funny," 241 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,172 it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. 242 00:13:30,242 --> 00:13:33,405 - You're too picky with women. - You used to be the same way. 243 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,344 You got over it and you're married. 244 00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,177 'Cause I was never as bad as you. 245 00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:39,774 Oh, really? Remember "Whitney the Snapper?" 246 00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:40,910 [Sighs] 247 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:46,583 Hey. I just wanted to say thanks for dinner tonight. 248 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,594 And for dessert you're gonna get a little Whitney... 249 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,027 ...ŕ la mode. 250 00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:53,493 Get out. 251 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,327 Too much. 252 00:13:57,469 --> 00:14:01,200 You've been off the pill two months. Why are you getting a fertility test? 253 00:14:01,273 --> 00:14:04,208 [Carla] Because I'm old and the crock pot is on the fritz. 254 00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:06,608 - No reason. - Carla Espinosa? 255 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,772 - Yes. - Dr. Matthews will see you now. 256 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,748 - Great. - Oh. 257 00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:13,842 OK, he is super cute. 258 00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:17,286 So do not look into his eyes. You could get lost. 259 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,483 I'll be fine. 260 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,386 Ask him if he remembers me from my pelvic exam! 261 00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,260 [EIliot] Ask him! 262 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,402 I made popcorn. Ah! 263 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,707 You OK, sweetness? 264 00:14:36,775 --> 00:14:38,743 - I'll go make some more. - All right. 265 00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:42,007 - Why are we watching a movie? - It's called immersion therapy. 266 00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:44,275 What we're about to watch will make her say 267 00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:48,218 "that's so funny" so many times that eventually it's not gonna bother you. 268 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:50,517 How can you guarantee she's gonna laugh? 269 00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:53,615 I can't. But Uncle Buck can. 270 00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:55,658 That's so funny. 271 00:14:56,462 --> 00:15:00,523 That's so funny. Look how big that pancake is! That's so funny. 272 00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:03,762 [Whispering] Make her stop! 273 00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:06,168 That's so funny! 274 00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:08,172 [Groaning] 275 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,271 [Carla] This guy's not that hot. 276 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:13,368 You've only been trying for two months, 277 00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:15,913 so I don't think you need a fertility test yet. 278 00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,915 Unless, of course, you're over 35. 279 00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:21,350 [Carla] Well, buddy, I'm 36 and OK with it. 280 00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:23,387 So how old are you? 281 00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:27,323 [Carla] Ravish me. 282 00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:29,258 I'm 29. 283 00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:31,091 I've been seeing a lot of 29-year-olds. 284 00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:34,165 - Oh, my God, really? - Yeah. Like her. 285 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,234 Call me J.J. 286 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,831 - Immersion therapy didn't work. - Dude, relax. 287 00:15:43,909 --> 00:15:47,675 I was a psych minor in college. The next time she says, "That's so funny," 288 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:51,147 I want you to pretend she's says, "That's so money." 289 00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,047 Ooh, I like that. 290 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:57,578 Yeah. It's called word replacement... ism. 291 00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:01,726 This is the dumbest conversation. 292 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,728 You should hear this one. 293 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,099 I remember my first exam with Dr. Matthews. 294 00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:12,934 He said, "You're healthy down there." And then I said, "Right back at you." 295 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:16,168 And then there was this weird little awkward pause, so I said, 296 00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:22,111 "I like to keep a clean shop." And then he asked to see my insurance card. 297 00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:24,649 So, how did your fertility test go? 298 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,776 Everything is A-OK. 299 00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:28,979 [Both] Oh, that's bull! 300 00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:32,148 - Excuse me, sir? - I was talking to these ladies. 301 00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:34,886 I was talking to you ladies. Newbie, listen to me. 302 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,588 You never stop being annoyed by the little things. 303 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:42,362 Take Gandhi here. Your wife is the bossiest woman I've ever met. 304 00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:45,403 Are you trying to tell me that you're not bothered by that? 305 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:48,996 Sometimes I watch Roots to remind myself how good I have it. 306 00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,234 Me too. 307 00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:53,039 Everyone is annoying. I mean, take Jordan. 308 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,808 She is just now returning from what I can only assume 309 00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:58,714 is her eleventh gynecological visit this month. 310 00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:02,811 I'm saving my breast exam for when you go away next month. 311 00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:06,153 Upsetting, but we persevere. Bottom line: 312 00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:09,319 There is no such thing as a perfect person. You. Tell her. 313 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:15,363 All right. If you found someone who makes you happy by just sitting around 314 00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:19,393 and holding hands, then eventually all that other stuff won't matter. 315 00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:20,836 Mmm. 316 00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:23,238 - Dude, not me. - I know. 317 00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:27,176 Nurse Espinosa, I know you didn't take that fertility test. 318 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,612 People think I am some clueless old geezer, 319 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:33,242 but nothing that happens in these hallways gets by me. 320 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:35,411 It wasn't me. I didn't do it! 321 00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:37,216 If I take that fertility test 322 00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:41,225 and I find out that I missed my window to have a kid I'll never forgive myself. 323 00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,193 If you're worried about your legacy, 324 00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:46,527 as the father of a son who not only wrote a musical based on my life 325 00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:49,761 but is shacked up with the actor playing me, honestly, 326 00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:53,531 it's not all it's cracked up to be. But I know you. 327 00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:57,871 You'll find out eventually, so why don't you just turn around and tell him? 328 00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,372 Oh. 329 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,973 Dr. Matthews. 330 00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:11,252 - I'm 36. - Oh. 331 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:14,224 Well, let's get you that fertility test. Follow me. 332 00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:15,590 OK. 333 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,288 [Carla] Here goes nothing. 334 00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:22,265 [J.D. Laughing] One-A-Day Vitamins? 335 00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:25,826 I tell you how they could double their profits. Two-a-Day Vitamins. 336 00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:27,565 That's so funny. 337 00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:32,234 I'm sorry I said, "That's so funny." I know that drives you crazy. 338 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,007 You know what? 339 00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:39,317 I really couldn't care less. 340 00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,621 So, what do we do now? 341 00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:46,453 I don't know. We've already got the half acre, right? 342 00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:50,222 I imagine we'll eventually be able to build a house on it. Backyard. 343 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,560 Room for a Slip 'N Slide for our kids, Gilligan and the Skipper. 344 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,692 I know. I'm sorry. I gotta do it. I lost a bet to Turk. 345 00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:59,794 And I don't want to rush things, but I feel good about this. 346 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:04,309 I don't know. I feel like... you and I could go the distance. 347 00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:08,938 Um, actually, I meant what do you want to order from take-out for dinner. 348 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:11,379 Oh. 349 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:13,350 - Tapas. - I love tapas. 350 00:19:13,418 --> 00:19:14,942 - Sharing. - Sharing is fun. 351 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,183 - I love it. Just share. - Share. 352 00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:22,785 So you really don't think about that kind of stuff? 353 00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:26,695 J.D., I'm only 23. I don't even know if I want any of that stuff. 354 00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:29,700 And certainly not for the next five or ten years. 355 00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:30,735 You know what? 356 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:35,068 We just started dating, so this conversation goes down a bad road. 357 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:37,665 Why don't we say we're never gonna talk about it. 358 00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:38,869 - OK. - OK. 359 00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:42,505 - [Laughing] OK. Phew. - OK. 360 00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:44,548 [# Cary Brothers: Ride] 361 00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:47,411 So you really feel that way? 362 00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:50,946 And here I am again. 363 00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:54,583 I can't believe I broke up with her. Why do I keep doing this? 364 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:56,628 J.D., this was totally different. 365 00:19:56,728 --> 00:19:59,561 You didn't break up because she said, "That's so funny" 366 00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:01,861 or she sang Christmas carols in the summer. 367 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:04,835 It was August. The weather was far from frightful. 368 00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:08,771 You broke up with her for a real reason. Right, Carla? 369 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,865 Definitely. 370 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,309 [Carla] Oh, my God, what did I just agree to? 371 00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:15,880 All I can think about is getting my test results. 372 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,974 I have to get out of my head. Just say something positive. 373 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:22,384 She's a keeper, J.D. You'll never do better. 374 00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:25,787 [J.D.] I guess it's human nature to worry about the future. 375 00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:28,792 Especially when we think our dreams might not come true. 376 00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:33,690 Thanks. Thanks, Dr. Matthews. That's great news. 377 00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:36,658 Turk! 378 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,760 - Yeah, baby. - Get over here. 379 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:42,102 [Laughing] Yeah! 380 00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:48,639 [Gong crashes] 381 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,840 Yeah, buddy! 382 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:53,881 [J.D.] As for my future, 383 00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:58,013 I had finally gotten to the place where I was looking for the right person. 384 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,615 And I knew she was out there. 385 00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:03,855 Even if I couldn't quite see her yet.