1
00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:05,087
Mom, I love that you're proud of me,
but I'm not a doctor yet.
2
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,122
You can't keep giving my number out
3
00:00:07,123 --> 00:00:09,858
To women in your church group
and saying I'll help them.
4
00:00:09,859 --> 00:00:13,160
I can't. Oh, hey. Tell your mom
the cookies she made are ridic!
5
00:00:13,161 --> 00:00:15,293
Yes, that's him.
6
00:00:15,294 --> 00:00:17,221
It means "ridiculous."
7
00:00:18,222 --> 00:00:21,113
No. There's no reason
to shorten that word.
8
00:00:21,114 --> 00:00:23,875
Look, I-I gotta go. Bye.
9
00:00:23,876 --> 00:00:25,340
Your mom dsn't like me
very much, does she?
10
00:00:25,341 --> 00:00:29,111
No, she's crazy about you. Aw, see
you're lying! You're chewing on your
hair.
11
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:32,006
Babe, I can read you
like the back of a dase.
12
00:00:32,007 --> 00:00:34,709
A'ight, you chew on
your hair when you lie,
13
00:00:34,710 --> 00:00:36,810
You adjust your bra when
you're gonna yell at me
14
00:00:36,811 --> 00:00:39,544
And you get a far-off look
in your eyes when you narrate
15
00:00:39,545 --> 00:00:41,849
In your head. (lucy) even though cole
and I were clicking--
16
00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:44,714
There it is! Stop noticing things I do!
17
00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:47,312
Even though cole and I <
i>were clicking,
18
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:48,979
There was another couple
19
00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:51,277
That was even more in sync than
we were. Queer.
20
00:00:51,278 --> 00:00:52,979
Hey, before you go study,
I need your help.
21
00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:55,146
I have a patient who had
to pee on a ski lift,
22
00:00:55,147 --> 00:00:57,947
So she pulled her pants down
and her butt froze to the seat,
23
00:00:57,948 --> 00:01:00,950
And when she got off, she lost most of
the skin on her ass-- what's the
question?
24
00:01:00,951 --> 00:01:03,584
Can I laugh at that? That depends.
Is she within earshot?
25
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:06,586
No. Well, it's funny.
(laughs) no butt skin.
26
00:01:06,587 --> 00:01:08,187
(laughs)
27
00:01:08,188 --> 00:01:10,555
I lied. She's right behind you. What?
28
00:01:12,290 --> 00:01:13,290
Ouch.
29
00:01:13,291 --> 00:01:15,326
Well, chapter 14 is down.
30
00:01:15,327 --> 00:01:18,062
Only 400 more pages to go
before the test morrow.
31
00:01:18,063 --> 00:01:20,730
I've never had to work
this hard in my life.
32
00:01:20,731 --> 00:01:22,732
School's always been
easy for me. Not to brag,
33
00:01:22,733 --> 00:01:25,401
But I was my high school and
college valedictorian. Me, too.
34
00:01:25,402 --> 00:01:28,402
Me, too. I was on the cover of
"time" magazine as a 9 year old
35
00:01:28,403 --> 00:01:31,304
Because I invented a new kind of laser.
36
00:01:31,305 --> 00:01:32,939
Trang, you are so smart.
37
00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:34,673
Babe, you're smothering me.
38
00:01:34,674 --> 00:01:37,008
You can be a big fish at home,
39
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:38,643
And then you get to med school
and everybody's brilliant.
40
00:01:38,644 --> 00:01:40,644
Man, you brainiacs think
you have it tough?
41
00:01:40,645 --> 00:01:42,612
My 'rents made me go to med school
42
00:01:42,613 --> 00:01:44,146
Because everyone on my
dad's side is a doctor.
43
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:46,248
Okay, on my mom's side,
everyone is a bounty hunter.
44
00:01:46,249 --> 00:01:48,683
I don't know why I couldn't
go to school for that.
45
00:01:48,684 --> 00:01:49,651
Everyone in my entire family
46
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,618
Is counting on me to become a doctor.
47
00:01:51,619 --> 00:01:53,620
And just in case I forget that fact,
48
00:01:53,621 --> 00:01:58,155
My mom calls me every eight minutes
to check in. I feel the pressure, too.
49
00:01:58,156 --> 00:02:00,457
Not so much from my parents...
50
00:02:00,458 --> 00:02:02,692
Mostly because they think I'm dead.
51
00:02:02,693 --> 00:02:05,227
(inhales deeply) all right, movin' on.
52
00:02:05,228 --> 00:02:08,163
The nervous system. (chuckles)
53
00:02:08,164 --> 00:02:09,164
(scanner beeps)
54
00:02:09,165 --> 00:02:10,665
Bar codes?
55
00:02:10,666 --> 00:02:12,700
What the hell is this, a supermarket?
56
00:02:12,701 --> 00:02:15,669
That's a human being, for god's sa.
Listen, old prospector,
57
00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:17,338
I know that any new machine scares you,
58
00:02:17,339 --> 00:02:19,506
But here's the well-held secret.
59
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:22,541
Yoknow that box that records
your favorite television shows?
60
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:26,378
There isn't a demon inside of it.
Then how does it know what I like?
61
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:29,380
I miss the good old days,
62
00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:32,749
When doctors and patients
actually got to know each other.
63
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:35,150
You know, back when
sexually harassing a nurse
64
00:02:35,151 --> 00:02:37,352
Was just considered polite chitchat.
65
00:02:37,353 --> 00:02:39,154
Yes, the good old days.
66
00:02:39,155 --> 00:02:41,722
Back when a man of my color
couldn't be a doctor,
67
00:02:41,723 --> 00:02:44,057
But could live out his lifelong dream
68
00:02:44,058 --> 00:02:48,527
Of one day driving a white
woman to her hair appointments.
69
00:02:50,028 --> 00:02:52,329
See? Turkleton gets it.
70
00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:56,832
Happy test day. You know,
I'll be there, so don't mess it up.
71
00:02:56,833 --> 00:02:59,734
Crap, I'm already late. Wait. Breakfast.
72
00:02:59,735 --> 00:03:01,803
Strawberry frosting? Nice.
73
00:03:01,804 --> 00:03:04,738
Hey, you got fruit, dairy,
enough sugar for a month.
74
00:03:04,739 --> 00:03:06,906
What else you need? Spoon.
75
00:03:06,907 --> 00:03:09,008
Use your fingers, queen elizabeth.
76
00:03:09,009 --> 00:03:11,110
Mmm! Delicious. I'll see you later.
77
00:03:11,111 --> 00:03:13,511
I love you.
78
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,515
Um... What was that? (chuckles)
79
00:03:17,516 --> 00:03:19,951
That just sort of slipped out.
80
00:03:19,952 --> 00:03:22,753
I'm gonna just assume that
was the frosting talking,
81
00:03:22,754 --> 00:03:24,254
'cause, you know,
82
00:03:24,255 --> 00:03:26,555
That's something I
don't ever want hear.
83
00:03:26,556 --> 00:03:29,124
So would you like to take
that back? Yes, please.
84
00:03:31,494 --> 00:03:33,461
(door creaks)
85
00:03:35,330 --> 00:03:36,763
Whew.
86
00:03:37,764 --> 00:03:38,297
Hello again.
87
00:03:38,298 --> 00:03:39,999
Yeah, you know what?
88
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,901
I don't want to take it back,
'cause it's the truth.
89
00:03:42,902 --> 00:03:45,403
Since the second I met you,
90
00:03:45,404 --> 00:03:47,338
You've made everything
in my life better.
91
00:03:47,339 --> 00:03:49,406
So, ha, yeah.
92
00:03:49,407 --> 00:03:51,074
I love ya.
93
00:03:56,646 --> 00:03:58,548
Perry, I thought we agreed you
wouldn't page me during lunch,
94
00:03:58,549 --> 00:04:01,017
And I wouldn't make you do cool hi
p-hop handshakes. Fine.
95
00:04:01,018 --> 00:04:03,018
Then I owe you a fist
bump and a "peace out,"
96
00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:05,554
But in the meantime, I need a
surgical consult on a patient
97
00:04:05,555 --> 00:04:07,721
With ulcerative colitis.
She is a lesbian.
98
00:04:07,722 --> 00:04:11,024
Hey, babe. You ever thought
about being with another chick?
99
00:04:11,025 --> 00:04:13,958
(scoffs) no, cole. Ew!
100
00:04:13,959 --> 00:04:16,427
(whispers) oh!
101
00:04:16,428 --> 00:04:18,429
I only tell you this
102
00:04:18,430 --> 00:04:20,430
So that I can remain
relatively guilt-fre
103
00:04:20,431 --> 00:04:23,733
For when you do inevitably stick
one of your size 13 caveman feet
104
00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:26,268
Firmly into your own mouth.
I can handle a lesbian.
105
00:04:26,269 --> 00:04:29,071
I'm a professional doctor.
Give me what you owe me.
106
00:04:29,072 --> 00:04:31,273
Yeah, yeah... Mm, solid.
107
00:04:31,274 --> 00:04:32,707
Yeah!
108
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:36,043
All right, then, books down, murderers.
109
00:04:36,044 --> 00:04:38,044
It is time to show off
110
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,712
Your useless regurgitation skills.
111
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,347
Dr. Mahoney will be your proctor.
There you go.
112
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:45,117
Try not to tell the test
that you're in love with it.
113
00:04:49,421 --> 00:04:52,657
Sorry, dog. Already called
shotgun on the lesbian.
114
00:04:52,658 --> 00:04:55,726
You can't call shotgun on a person.
All right, then. Dibs.
115
00:04:55,727 --> 00:04:57,227
Damn it!
116
00:04:57,228 --> 00:04:58,728
Dibs works.
117
00:04:58,729 --> 00:05:01,864
Todd, I'll let you run point on this,
but you gotta be cool.
118
00:05:01,865 --> 00:05:03,799
Hi.
119
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,168
I'm dr. Lesbian, I'll be your lesbian.
120
00:05:06,169 --> 00:05:09,137
I got it from here, todd.
(inhales deeply)
121
00:05:09,138 --> 00:05:12,607
I said I've got it from here,
todd. Okay.
122
00:05:14,308 --> 00:05:18,110
All right, then, gutter scum!
I just found this cheat sheet.
123
00:05:18,111 --> 00:05:21,246
Any of you who left this
room during the test stays.
124
00:05:21,247 --> 00:05:23,648
The rest of you, get out!
125
00:05:23,649 --> 00:05:25,983
Out!
126
00:05:25,984 --> 00:05:28,952
Now I-I gotta tell you that
I feel pretty confident
127
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:32,455
That I can maintain a
certain level of calm
128
00:05:32,456 --> 00:05:35,291
If the owner of this
would simply admit to it.
129
00:05:35,292 --> 00:05:37,760
Anyone?
130
00:05:37,761 --> 00:05:40,496
(cell phone ringtone) charles in
charge... Go ahead and get
that.
131
00:05:40,497 --> 00:05:42,264
(beep) hi, mom.
132
00:05:42,265 --> 00:05:45,800
No, the test isn't over,
so I don't know my grade yet.
133
00:05:45,801 --> 00:05:47,234
I'm so sorry.
134
00:05:47,235 --> 00:05:49,637
It--it's really hard to
get her off the phone.
135
00:05:49,638 --> 00:05:51,338
I get that. My mom's the
same way. Let me see.
136
00:05:51,339 --> 00:05:53,573
(cell phone whooshes and crashes)
137
00:05:53,574 --> 00:05:55,241
That works.
138
00:05:57,047 --> 00:06:01,028
(waz) I can't do this all on my own
139
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:09,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
140
00:06:13,496 --> 00:06:14,997
Just outside this hall,
141
00:06:14,998 --> 00:06:17,499
So either we have a matt damo
n-type custodian
142
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:20,401
With an extensive knowledge
of the central nervous system,
143
00:06:20,402 --> 00:06:22,737
Or one of you cheated.
And since just last week,
144
00:06:22,738 --> 00:06:25,906
I saw one of our fine
janitors eat a piece of chalk,
145
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:28,375
I'm guessing the latter. He's the deal--
146
00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:31,010
You're all going to
be locked in this room
147
00:06:31,011 --> 00:06:34,980
Till one of you comes forward
and takes responsibility.
148
00:06:34,981 --> 00:06:38,516
I hope you all think long and hard
about what you've done. Oh, no, no, no,
no.
149
00:06:38,517 --> 00:06:40,517
Butch, this happened on your<
/i> watch.
150
00:06:40,518 --> 00:06:43,153
You're not going anywhere.
Would it make any difference
151
00:06:43,154 --> 00:06:45,489
If I told you I have a personal issue
152
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:47,957
That makes staying in here
really horrible for me?
153
00:06:47,958 --> 00:06:51,360
It would make me quite
a bit happier. Ha!
154
00:06:51,361 --> 00:06:54,030
Beth, this is dr. Turk. How you doing?
155
00:06:54,031 --> 00:06:56,498
She must be your lady friend, huh?
156
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,999
(whispers) your lover. (laughs)
157
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,635
(normal voice) I don't even
know why I whispered that.
158
00:07:00,636 --> 00:07:02,669
I just don't know what you
guys call each other nowadays.
159
00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:06,105
What is it? Are you
uncomfortable around lesbians?
160
00:07:06,106 --> 00:07:09,008
What?! Me? Nah. (giggles and snorts)
161
00:07:11,277 --> 00:07:14,279
Uh, nicole, I'm gonna run
a series of tests on you,
162
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,548
But it would help me out a
lot if you could tell me
163
00:07:16,549 --> 00:07:19,550
What type of stomach pain you were
having. It's not that bad, really.
164
00:07:19,551 --> 00:07:22,553
The truth is, beth wanted
me to get checked out.
165
00:07:22,554 --> 00:07:24,855
We're going on vacation
next week to ibiza
166
00:07:24,856 --> 00:07:26,823
With a bunch ofur girlfriends,
167
00:07:26,824 --> 00:07:28,824
And all we do is dance, drink...
168
00:07:28,825 --> 00:07:30,793
And, uh...
169
00:07:30,794 --> 00:07:31,994
Swim.
170
00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:36,831
Are--are--are you okay, dr. Turk?
171
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,499
Yeah, I'm fine.
172
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,301
I was just thinking about
my family vacation to ohio.
173
00:07:41,302 --> 00:07:44,304
Yeah, we, uh...
174
00:07:44,305 --> 00:07:47,240
We visited two science centers
and it was--it was a lot of fun.
175
00:07:47,241 --> 00:07:49,242
My daughter got scared, though,
176
00:07:49,243 --> 00:07:52,011
So we had to spend most
of the time in the car.
177
00:07:52,012 --> 00:07:53,545
It was pretty awesome.
178
00:07:55,046 --> 00:07:58,182
(cole) 28... 29... 30!
179
00:07:58,183 --> 00:07:59,816
Damn, trang!
180
00:07:59,817 --> 00:08:00,318
You are impervious to pain!
181
00:08:00,819 --> 00:08:03,820
Pay up, bitch! Dr.
Cox has to let us out eventually.
182
00:08:03,821 --> 00:08:06,257
I mean, he can't keep us here forever.
183
00:08:06,258 --> 00:08:08,226
Can he?
184
00:08:08,227 --> 00:08:13,231
***
185
00:08:15,267 --> 00:08:18,102
Shea butter and big floppy sun hats.
186
00:08:18,103 --> 00:08:22,005
Oh, and I made a deal with a witch.
187
00:08:22,006 --> 00:08:24,374
How come witches never offer me a deal?
188
00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:25,708
I'm approachable.
189
00:08:25,709 --> 00:08:28,043
Drew, come on. Just admit you cheated.
190
00:08:28,044 --> 00:08:30,545
It's okay. You didn't
have time to study.
191
00:08:30,546 --> 00:08:31,347
You were out in a meadow
192
00:08:31,348 --> 00:08:33,849
Pressing wildflowers and
writing love sonnets.
193
00:08:33,850 --> 00:08:36,718
Yes, me telling you I love you
makes me a 19th-century dandy.
194
00:08:36,719 --> 00:08:40,121
Hey, maya. You and trang
both left during the test.
195
00:08:40,122 --> 00:08:42,823
Wherwere you? Guys,
we all left at some point.
196
00:08:42,824 --> 00:08:45,492
She's right. We have to
stop turning on each other.
197
00:08:45,493 --> 00:08:48,462
Especially since it's so obvious
that cole's the one who cheated.
198
00:08:48,463 --> 00:08:51,165
I'm sure cole has some
great explanation.
199
00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:53,733
Cole, what were you doing in the
bathroom? Doing my test prep.
200
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,735
Okay, part one--dropping a "d."
201
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,737
Part two-- using the mnemonic skills
202
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,771
I picked up at a.D.D. Camp.
203
00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,106
Okay, I remember the circulatory
system by nging nickelback.
204
00:09:02,107 --> 00:09:05,075
this is how I remind me
205
00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:09,147
of blood cells and their jobs
206
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:11,483
lymphocytes and "t" cells
207
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,951
crushing cancer on every level
208
00:09:13,952 --> 00:09:15,386
Wow. That makes a kind
of horrible sense.
209
00:09:15,918 --> 00:09:19,286
How'd that go for you? Awkward or,
uh, really awkward?
210
00:09:19,287 --> 00:09:20,021
Neither.
211
00:09:21,022 --> 00:09:22,323
(telephone rings) super awkward.
212
00:09:22,324 --> 00:09:24,292
Oh! (laughs) look,
nicole's colitis is pretty advanced
213
00:09:24,293 --> 00:09:26,327
And surgery is too risky
214
00:09:26,328 --> 00:09:28,663
Due to her diabetes and
thrombocytopenia. Well, just treat it
with steroids then.
215
00:09:28,664 --> 00:09:31,265
She must be in a lot of pain.
I wonder why she didn't tell me.
216
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,934
Maybe she did, but you
didn't hear her because
217
00:09:33,935 --> 00:09:38,072
You were fantasizing about being
stranded on lesbian island. Is that a
real place?
218
00:09:38,073 --> 00:09:40,107
Because I can leave tonight.
219
00:09:40,108 --> 00:09:42,577
What? We're just hard-staring you away.
220
00:09:42,578 --> 00:09:43,778
Ohh.
221
00:09:43,779 --> 00:09:45,913
(gasps)
222
00:09:46,714 --> 00:09:49,582
There's only one way to
prove your innocence.
223
00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:51,685
It's a human lie detector test.
224
00:09:51,686 --> 00:09:54,221
I take your pulse and I ask
you some basic questions.
225
00:09:54,222 --> 00:09:56,490
You can't tell if I'm lying.
I play online poker.
226
00:09:56,491 --> 00:09:58,324
You ever kissed a dude? No.
227
00:09:58,325 --> 00:10:01,327
Lie. It was a lacrosse initiation.
I didn't even want to do it.
228
00:10:01,328 --> 00:10:04,496
My god, your pulse is racing.
Hey, forget this, man! What about you?
229
00:10:04,497 --> 00:10:06,164
I hope it was drew.
230
00:10:06,165 --> 00:10:09,534
And I hope he gets his butt thrown
out of here. What did he do to you?
231
00:10:09,535 --> 00:10:11,802
(whispers) did he smack you around?
232
00:10:11,803 --> 00:10:14,004
Worse. He told me he loved me.
Who does that?
233
00:10:14,005 --> 00:10:17,240
Don't you see? He's trying
to get me to trust him
234
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:20,176
So then he can just let me down. Crazy
idea--you could just say "I love you"
back.
235
00:10:20,177 --> 00:10:22,545
Yeah, but then if it doesn't work out,
236
00:10:22,546 --> 00:10:23,347
I'll have to kill him,
go to jail, escape,
237
00:10:23,348 --> 00:10:28,050
Come back and kill you for giving me
thatdvice. I love how our friendship is
based predominately on threats.
238
00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,752
But as much as they do terrify me,
239
00:10:30,753 --> 00:10:33,187
I'm gonna go ahead and say it.
240
00:10:33,188 --> 00:10:35,189
You and drew are awesome together!
241
00:10:35,190 --> 00:10:38,258
Quit being such a chicken
and just go for it.
242
00:10:38,259 --> 00:10:42,293
Dude, you never told us why you were in
the bathroom. In the bathroom taking a
leak.
243
00:10:42,294 --> 00:10:44,762
Didn't you stop using public toilets
244
00:10:44,763 --> 00:10:47,631
Afteu lived in a gas station
bathroom for a month?
245
00:10:47,632 --> 00:10:49,099
That's right.
246
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:51,601
It was your fun fact at orientation.
247
00:10:51,602 --> 00:10:53,635
Maya's fact was she's colorblind,
248
00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:56,438
And trang absorbed his
twin sister in the womb.
249
00:10:56,439 --> 00:11:00,075
That's why he's so smart. My boy's got
two brains. (drew) that's not how it
works, genius.
250
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,945
Why are you lying,
drew? What are you covering up?
251
00:11:02,946 --> 00:11:05,014
I was on the phone, alright?
252
00:11:05,015 --> 00:11:08,550
You made a phone call in the middle
of a test? To who? It doesn't matter!
253
00:11:08,551 --> 00:11:09,983
Um...
254
00:11:09,984 --> 00:11:12,651
I can still feel you staring at me
255
00:11:12,652 --> 00:11:14,486
Like a cheetah stares at a gazelle.
256
00:11:14,487 --> 00:11:15,987
I'm thinking.
257
00:11:17,890 --> 00:11:19,190
Fine. (sighs)
258
00:11:19,191 --> 00:11:21,258
What the hell. I'll tell
the jackass I love him.
259
00:11:21,259 --> 00:11:24,027
It was a personal call,
and it's nobody's business.
260
00:11:24,028 --> 00:11:26,629
It is our business 'cause
you weren't on the phone,
261
00:11:26,630 --> 00:11:29,565
You were cheating.
I wasn't cheating! I can prove it.
262
00:11:29,566 --> 00:11:31,800
I was on the phone
with my divorce lawyer.
263
00:11:31,801 --> 00:11:34,502
You're married? A little.
264
00:11:34,503 --> 00:11:36,837
You always put yourself
at risk
265
00:11:36,838 --> 00:11:39,006
When you decide to trust someone
else.
266
00:11:39,339 --> 00:11:41,206
Listen, I can explain.
267
00:11:41,207 --> 00:11:42,607
(sig)
268
00:11:43,158 --> 00:11:45,860
The good news is that we
can manage your colitis
269
00:11:45,861 --> 00:11:48,195
With steroids. There are
some side effects, however,
270
00:11:48,196 --> 00:11:49,164
Including fatigue,
insomnia and weight gain.
271
00:11:49,665 --> 00:11:52,267
Isn't there an operation I can have?
Yes, there is.
272
00:11:52,268 --> 00:11:54,303
But with your preexisting condition,
273
00:11:54,304 --> 00:11:57,305
Surgery could prove fatal. Whether
you're trusting a patient
274
00:11:57,306 --> 00:11:59,274
To respond a certain way...
275
00:11:59,275 --> 00:12:01,409
I don't care. I want the surgery.
276
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:05,446
Or counting on your peers to let
an awkward moment go by...
277
00:12:05,447 --> 00:12:09,880
Hey, how come you never
introduced us to your wife?
278
00:12:09,881 --> 00:12:13,813
Oh, I get it. Her face is busted,
right?
279
00:12:13,814 --> 00:12:16,347
I'm sick of this crap!
Now we all know I didn't cheat,
280
00:12:16,348 --> 00:12:18,516
So it's gotta be one of you!
281
00:12:18,517 --> 00:12:20,851
Maya? Trang? Lucy?
282
00:12:20,852 --> 00:12:22,353
It wasn't me!
283
00:12:22,354 --> 00:12:25,355
But the hardest thing is when peop
le put their trust in you
284
00:12:25,356 --> 00:12:28,524
And you're the one who's been lying all
along.
285
00:12:32,922 --> 00:12:34,656
How'd that hair taste?
286
00:12:34,657 --> 00:12:36,190
Like regret...
287
00:12:36,191 --> 00:12:38,157
And coconut, because
of my new conditioner,
288
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,157
But mostly like regret. (sighs)
289
00:12:40,158 --> 00:12:43,290
I never should've cheated.
What am I gonna do?
290
00:12:43,291 --> 00:12:45,157
Hi, boys and girls.
291
00:12:45,158 --> 00:12:46,627
(door closes) anybody
admit to anything yet?
292
00:12:47,628 --> 00:12:48,963
Here's what I'm gonna do.
293
00:12:48,964 --> 00:12:50,932
If someone doesn't tell me who did it,
294
00:12:50,933 --> 00:12:53,167
I'm gonna make you all retake the test.
295
00:12:53,168 --> 00:12:54,536
It's gonna be a new test.
It's gonna be ten times as hard.
296
00:12:54,537 --> 00:12:56,004
It's not just gonna be on medicine.
297
00:12:56,005 --> 00:12:58,905
It's going to be on everything--
298
00:12:59,006 --> 00:13:01,539
Baseball statistics,
north dakota high schools,
299
00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:03,941
The geography of a made-up fantasy world
300
00:13:04,042 --> 00:13:05,709
I like to call coxatopia.
301
00:13:05,710 --> 00:13:07,210
That's a magic land
302
00:13:07,211 --> 00:13:09,647
Where the rivers run of
scotch and hordes of pigs
303
00:13:09,648 --> 00:13:11,648
Feed on the bones of
cheating med students.
304
00:13:11,649 --> 00:13:14,016
Where is mahoney? And drew?
305
00:13:14,017 --> 00:13:17,051
Okay, yes, I have a wife.
Let's start there.
306
00:13:17,052 --> 00:13:19,019
It was a drunken mistake.
307
00:13:19,020 --> 00:13:20,262
I've been trying to get
out of it ever since.
308
00:13:20,262 --> 00:13:22,296
What else haven't you told me?
309
00:13:22,297 --> 00:13:23,464
I mean, do you have any kids?
Have you robbed a bank?
310
00:13:23,465 --> 00:13:27,467
Were you in a cult? (laughs) no, no,
and... I wouldn't call it a cult.
311
00:13:27,468 --> 00:13:29,472
It was more like a marketing opportunity
312
00:13:29,473 --> 00:13:31,142
That ended with us all living on
a compound. Aw, what the hell?
313
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,144
Both of you get your asses
back in that room! No.
314
00:13:34,145 --> 00:13:36,513
I'm gonna go ahead and give you a pass
315
00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:39,715
Because you have murder eyes,
but you... (whistles) go!
316
00:13:39,716 --> 00:13:40,982
Bye-bye.
317
00:13:42,518 --> 00:13:44,986
I just think choosing
surgery could kill you.
318
00:13:44,987 --> 00:13:46,854
Talk to your lady sidekick.
319
00:13:46,855 --> 00:13:49,190
What's the word I'm looking for?
320
00:13:49,191 --> 00:13:51,192
I don't want beth knowing
anything about this.
321
00:13:51,193 --> 00:13:52,693
I want the surgery,
322
00:13:52,694 --> 00:13:56,696
And there's nothing you can
say that'll change my mind.
323
00:13:58,197 --> 00:13:59,933
Please tell me you've got
some good news for me
324
00:14:00,134 --> 00:14:02,902
On this godforsaken day.
She's still refusing steroids.
325
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:06,538
I don't get it. What are we missing?
As usual, you are missing the point.
326
00:14:06,539 --> 00:14:09,474
She walked in off the street,
and you didn't take the time
327
00:14:09,475 --> 00:14:12,009
To find out anything about her.
328
00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:14,378
She could be anybody-
a princess or a terrorist
329
00:14:14,379 --> 00:14:17,447
Or a hot lesbian.
Bob, she is a hot lesbian.
330
00:14:17,448 --> 00:14:21,016
I knew one day that example would
make sense. And we did talk to her.
331
00:14:21,017 --> 00:14:22,517
About her condition,
332
00:14:22,518 --> 00:14:25,153
But not about what makes her tick.
333
00:14:25,154 --> 00:14:27,022
(chuckles) you see, in the old days,
334
00:14:27,023 --> 00:14:29,057
When we knew everything about a patient,
335
00:14:29,058 --> 00:14:30,992
Their decisions never surprised you.
336
00:14:30,993 --> 00:14:32,994
You find out more about that young lady,
337
00:14:32,995 --> 00:14:34,962
I bet you'll find the answer.
338
00:14:34,963 --> 00:14:36,463
(superhero fanfare plays)
339
00:14:36,464 --> 00:14:39,433
(lowers voice) if only there was
a way to learn more about her.
340
00:14:39,434 --> 00:14:41,601
(normal voice) to the internet!
341
00:14:43,605 --> 00:14:45,538
I'm not like your girlfriend dorian.
342
00:14:45,539 --> 00:14:47,506
I don't roll like that.
343
00:14:47,507 --> 00:14:50,442
All right. I'm just trying
to make it through the day.
344
00:14:50,443 --> 00:14:51,910
As you please.
345
00:14:53,911 --> 00:14:54,411
(denise) this is denise.
346
00:14:54,412 --> 00:14:55,346
Leave a message after the stupid
beep.
347
00:14:56,315 --> 00:14:57,815
Denise, it's drew.
348
00:14:57,816 --> 00:14:59,816
Look, if you're not into
me anymore, that's fine,
349
00:14:59,817 --> 00:15:03,219
Because there are a lot of women who
get hot for married guys.
350
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,654
Ha ha ha.
351
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,655
Too soon, probably.
352
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,590
Look, um, I'm a jerk
353
00:15:09,591 --> 00:15:11,091
And I'm a mess,
354
00:15:11,092 --> 00:15:13,493
And... Please call me back.
355
00:15:14,096 --> 00:15:16,931
I can't take this anymore.
I have to turn myself in.
356
00:15:16,932 --> 00:15:19,800
Oh, babe, babe.
You don't have to do that.
357
00:15:19,801 --> 00:15:22,703
I do. It's not right. Hey, guys.
358
00:15:23,204 --> 00:15:25,238
I'm really sorry I didn't
say this hours ago,
359
00:15:25,239 --> 00:15:27,942
But the truth is-- that I cheated.
360
00:15:27,943 --> 00:15:30,844
All right, I told lucy earlier,
and she's been protecting me.
361
00:15:30,845 --> 00:15:33,514
Boom. Twist.
362
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:38,319
Wow, the cheating cheater who
everybody thought cheated
363
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,321
Is the one who cheated.
364
00:15:40,322 --> 00:15:42,323
You're right. Sweet twist.
365
00:15:44,425 --> 00:15:47,960
Dr. Cox, check this out.
My god. Is that nicole?
366
00:15:47,961 --> 00:15:49,528
Yes.
367
00:15:49,529 --> 00:15:52,365
Is this why you don't
want to take steroids?
368
00:15:52,366 --> 00:15:55,735
'cause you're worried about how much
weight you're gonna gain? That was eig
years ago.
369
00:15:55,736 --> 00:15:58,638
Beth has never known me like this, and
I don't want her to. We're talking
about your health here.
370
00:15:58,639 --> 00:16:01,139
Beth is going to understand.
371
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:03,674
Before you make any decisions,
do yourself a favor
372
00:16:03,675 --> 00:16:05,776
And talk it over with your partner.
373
00:16:05,777 --> 00:16:07,711
Partner. (snaps fingers)
thank you! "partner."
374
00:16:07,712 --> 00:16:09,713
That's the word I was looking for.
375
00:16:09,714 --> 00:16:12,214
Partner! You guys are lesbian
partners... Together.
376
00:16:12,215 --> 00:16:15,784
I'm-a just, uh, back out,
but think about it.
377
00:16:17,219 --> 00:16:19,186
(lowers voice) cole, what are you doing?
378
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,988
(lowers voice) baby,
I'm untouchable at this school.
379
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,189
I'll take the fall for you. (sighs)
380
00:16:24,190 --> 00:16:26,224
And because this is so noble,
381
00:16:26,225 --> 00:16:28,192
I'm gonna walk out in dramatic slo-mo.
382
00:16:28,193 --> 00:16:31,294
(fanfare playing)
383
00:16:31,295 --> 00:16:33,996
(lucy) you can't let him do th
is.
384
00:16:33,997 --> 00:16:35,499
Just tell them.
385
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,969
I am the one who cheated!
386
00:16:37,970 --> 00:16:40,740
No, out loud. Tell them out
loud.
387
00:16:40,741 --> 00:16:42,444
It was me.
388
00:16:46,116 --> 00:16:47,818
I was the one who cheated.
389
00:16:47,819 --> 00:16:49,487
Are you sure?
390
00:16:49,488 --> 00:16:52,592
Because we're all signed off
on cole taking the blame.
391
00:16:52,593 --> 00:16:55,295
Yes, I did it. I hate myself for it.
392
00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:56,830
I'm so sorry.
393
00:16:56,831 --> 00:16:59,332
It's just that I am drowning here.
394
00:16:59,333 --> 00:17:02,871
Ever since I got to med school,
everything's been a struggle.
395
00:17:03,372 --> 00:17:04,839
I wanted a win,
396
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,842
Something I could tell my mom about
397
00:17:06,843 --> 00:17:09,144
Without being full of crap.
398
00:17:09,145 --> 00:17:11,812
I'm really sorry, truly,
399
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,982
For putting you all through this, and...
400
00:17:14,983 --> 00:17:17,884
I'll go tell dr. Cox I cheated.
401
00:17:26,034 --> 00:17:28,069
Come on, what would carla
say if she found out
402
00:17:28,103 --> 00:17:31,138
That you'd already been married once
before? Yo, whoa! Whoa! Don't even joke
like that.
403
00:17:32,172 --> 00:17:33,106
If that gets back to carla,
I'm a dead man.
404
00:17:33,641 --> 00:17:36,108
(laughs) talking about me
being married before carla.
405
00:17:36,143 --> 00:17:39,343
Dr. Turk, you were married before?
We're talking here.
406
00:17:40,377 --> 00:17:42,278
That's one of carla's girlfriends.
407
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,280
I can't have that. This is just as bad
408
00:17:44,315 --> 00:17:47,283
As if I were to call carla bitchy.
You think carla's bitchy?
409
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:50,019
No! I didn't say-- sheila!
410
00:17:50,054 --> 00:17:52,823
Just take your butt to where
it needs to be and stay there!
411
00:17:52,857 --> 00:17:55,859
I just feel like I've finally
found someone I can trust,
412
00:17:55,893 --> 00:17:57,827
And then he goes and does this.
413
00:17:57,862 --> 00:18:00,030
I mean, what am I supposed to do now?
414
00:18:00,064 --> 00:18:01,599
Look at those two right there.
415
00:18:01,633 --> 00:18:04,402
I hear ya. Everyone thinks
I'm a little butch anyway.
416
00:18:04,436 --> 00:18:07,405
I mean, I might as well dive in.
(laughs) no. Denise, no, uh,
417
00:18:07,439 --> 00:18:10,941
Nicole is one of my patients,
and she was willing
418
00:18:11,175 --> 00:18:13,044
To risk death to keep her
past from her partner.
419
00:18:13,078 --> 00:18:16,347
I just learned that word, by the
way--"partner." I'm proud of you.
420
00:18:16,348 --> 00:18:18,315
Sometimes when you
reacare about someone,
421
00:18:18,349 --> 00:18:21,318
you want them to know
you I'm just as you are right now--
422
00:18:21,353 --> 00:18:23,220
The best version of yourself.
423
00:18:23,254 --> 00:18:26,256
You ally gonna blame drew for that?
424
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:29,926
Hey, guys, have you seen dr. Cox?
425
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:31,994
He went back to the lecture hall
426
00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:34,297
Mumbling something about
feeding med students to pigs.
427
00:18:34,331 --> 00:18:37,233
Great.
428
00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:38,734
Deep breath.
429
00:18:38,768 --> 00:18:41,636
I can do this.
430
00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:43,571
Please tell me
431
00:18:43,605 --> 00:18:45,606
Exactly what part of
"don't leave this room"
432
00:18:45,641 --> 00:18:47,408
Is lost on you.
433
00:18:47,476 --> 00:18:50,512
Look, dr. Cox-- go sit down.
434
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:52,382
Now since you all claim
435
00:18:52,416 --> 00:18:54,484
That you have no idea
who the cheater is,
436
00:18:54,518 --> 00:18:57,920
The re-exam will be tomorrow
morning at 4:00 a.M...
437
00:18:57,955 --> 00:18:59,955
Outside...
438
00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:01,357
Rain or shine.
439
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:03,425
Although, if I were you,
I'd plan for rain,
440
00:19:03,459 --> 00:19:06,096
'cause I'm gonna bring a hose.
441
00:19:06,130 --> 00:19:09,601
(makes spraying sounds)
442
00:19:09,635 --> 00:19:10,902
(door opens)
443
00:19:10,937 --> 00:19:12,771
What the fraggle rock just happened?
444
00:19:12,805 --> 00:19:14,306
You guys didn't turn me in?
445
00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:16,441
The truth is, I'm drowning here, too,
446
00:19:16,476 --> 00:19:19,779
And the only reason I'm
surviving is because of you.
447
00:19:19,813 --> 00:19:22,815
I mean, this place is
straight up chuck norris--
448
00:19:22,850 --> 00:19:24,683
Tough as balls.
449
00:19:24,718 --> 00:19:26,352
We're all having trouble.
450
00:19:26,386 --> 00:19:27,853
Even you, drew?
451
00:19:27,888 --> 00:19:29,855
Nah, but, uh, I've had, like,
452
00:19:29,890 --> 00:19:33,158
15 second chances in my life.
453
00:19:33,192 --> 00:19:34,960
You deserve at least one, right?
454
00:19:34,994 --> 00:19:38,096
Just... Don't do it again.
455
00:19:38,131 --> 00:19:40,732
They say the truth will set you
free,
456
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:43,235
But sometimes you need a little push.
457
00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:44,604
She's gonna go with the steroids.
458
00:19:45,139 --> 00:19:48,275
Should we tell kelso he was right?
I'll just send him an e-mail.
459
00:19:49,109 --> 00:19:50,044
I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know
460
00:19:50,079 --> 00:19:51,147
How to turn his computer on. Mm.
461
00:19:52,681 --> 00:19:54,749
Telling the truth's just the beginning.
462
00:19:54,784 --> 00:19:56,818
Owning it's the hard part.
463
00:19:56,852 --> 00:19:59,419
Hey, mom. School's great.
464
00:20:02,041 --> 00:20:02,940
Actually, uh...
465
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:06,923
It's a lot harder than I thought, and...
466
00:20:06,957 --> 00:20:09,324
I'm having a really tough time.
467
00:20:09,358 --> 00:20:12,293
Because the one thing you can never run
from
468
00:20:12,327 --> 00:20:14,295
Is how you really feel.
469
00:20:14,329 --> 00:20:17,096
Hey-- don't talk.
I have something to say,
470
00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:20,300
And and I don't want youn't,
to look at me,
471
00:20:20,334 --> 00:20:22,702
And I don't want it acowledged at all.
472
00:20:26,823 --> 00:20:27,457
I love you.
473
00:20:30,294 --> 00:20:31,396
Now don't talk to me for a couple days.
474
00:20:37,268 --> 00:20:38,735
Carla, calm down.
475
00:20:39,084 --> 00:20:40,985
Okay, I don't care what sheila said.
476
00:20:41,019 --> 00:20:42,021
I was never married and I
didn't call you bitchy.
477
00:20:42,556 --> 00:20:44,524
I know she's a good friend of yours,
478
00:20:44,558 --> 00:20:46,559
But that woman is crazy, baby.
She's crazy!
479
00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:48,561
No, I... What are you...
480
00:20:48,596 --> 00:20:50,063
What the...
481
00:20:50,097 --> 00:20:51,865
I'm-a...
482
00:20:51,899 --> 00:20:53,900
Don't you hang up on me!
483
00:20:53,934 --> 00:20:55,067
Don't--
484
00:20:55,102 --> 00:20:56,502
(slams phone receiver)
485
00:20:56,536 --> 00:20:58,537
Damn, my wife is annoying!
486
00:21:01,572 --> 00:21:02,373
What do you say--
487
00:21:02,408 --> 00:21:03,975
20 bucks a head,
you keep your mouth shut?
488
00:21:04,509 --> 00:21:06,443
All right, follow me to the a.T.M.
489
00:21:06,478 --> 00:21:08,278
Come on.
490
00:21:09,305 --> 00:21:15,320
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