1 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:09,960 They just walked out of there. 2 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,696 Yeah, I know, I was sort of sitting next to you. 3 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,920 The whole waters family, they just walked right out of there. 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,640 - Again, I was in the room. - How do they always manage that? 5 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,200 They're good. 6 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:21,736 They're greedy and they'll do it again. 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,920 And next time, we're going to catch them in the act. 8 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,880 - No good? - They always know we're coming. 9 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,720 - —(Siren wailing) - How do they always know? 10 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,160 They're good, they work at it. 11 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,360 - They're never going to stop. - Well, neither are we. 12 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,320 (Grunts) 13 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,040 (Lestrade grunting) 14 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,760 - Greg. - In the act! 15 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:17,640 The only way we're going to do this, in the act! 16 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,480 (Beeping) 17 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,240 You still blocking it? 18 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,560 Yeah, very efficiently hacked. 19 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,560 They must be bloody pleased with themselves. 20 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,120 They must be. 21 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:02,920 Right, then. 22 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,120 Ah, no. 23 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,840 You go make the arrest. This one's yours, boss. 24 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,096 You've never called me boss before. 25 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,840 No? Well, look what happens when you're good. 26 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,280 You know how most days aren't good days? 27 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,520 - This is a good day. - Not for the waters family. 28 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,640 (Mobile chiming) 29 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,296 Okay, 10 men on the roof. All exits covered. 30 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,176 The bank's closed so we've no hostages to worry about. 31 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,680 (Chiming continues) 32 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:24,440 Sorry, no, go on, go on. 33 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,480 Um, we've got the tunnel entrance covered 34 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,360 and Davis, well and christie are heading up. 35 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,960 - Armed response aren't mucking around. - —(Chiming continues) 36 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,440 Sorry, I'd better get this. 37 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,680 It's him, isn't it? 38 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,880 -I... I have to go. —what? 39 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,480 - You make the arrest. - No way. 40 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,480 Sorry, you'll be fine. I'm cool with this. 41 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,240 Jones will get all the credit if you leave now and you know he will. 42 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,120 Yeah, well... yeah, it doesn't matter, I'll have to go. 43 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,200 Backup, I need maximum backup. 44 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,640 Baker Street, now. 45 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,680 What's going on? 46 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,400 -This is hard. —what? 47 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,800 Really hard. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. 48 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,560 Do you know any funny stories aboutjohn? 49 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,720 (Siren wailing, tyres screeching) 50 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:26,920 What? 51 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,720 I need anecdotes. 52 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,160 Didn't go to any trouble, did you? 53 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,520 (Helicopter hovering) 54 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:15,960 (Violin playing) 55 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,200 - Shut up, mrs Hudson. - I haven't said a word. 56 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,960 (Sighing) You're formulating a question 57 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,400 and it's physically painful watching you think. 58 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,200 I thought it was you playing. 59 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,000 It was me playing. 60 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,160 I am composing. 61 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,920 You were dancing. 62 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,920 - I was road-testing. - You what? 63 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,880 Why are you here? 64 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,200 I'm bringing you your morning tea. 65 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,600 You're not usually awake. 66 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,160 You bring me tea in the morning? 67 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,936 (Chuckling) Where do you think it came from? 68 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,360 I don't know, I just thought it sort of happened. 69 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,040 Your mother has a lot to answer for. 70 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,600 Mmm, I know. I have a list. 71 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,800 Mycroft has a file. 72 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,360 So, it's the big day, then. 73 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,400 What big day? 74 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,920 The wedding. 75 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,600 John and Mary are getting married. 76 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,376 Two people who currently who live together are about to attend church, 77 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,000 have a party, go on a short holiday, 78 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,936 then carry on living together. What's big about that? 79 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,400 It changes people, marriage. 80 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,000 Mmm, no, it doesn't. 81 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,440 Well, you wouldn't understand 'cause you always live alone. 82 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,376 Your husband was executed for double murder, 83 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,160 you're hardly an advert for companionship. 84 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,640 Marriage changes you as a person in ways that you can't imagine. 85 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,080 As does lethal injection. 86 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,600 My best friend, Margaret, she was my chief bridesmaid, 87 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,480 we were going to be best friends forever, 88 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,040 we always said that. 89 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,720 But I hardly saw her after that. 90 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,056 Aren't there usually biscuits? 91 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,400 - I've run out. - Have the shops? 92 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,960 She cried the whole day, saying, "ooh, it's the end of an era." 93 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,776 I'm sure the shop on the corner is open. 94 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,720 She was probably right, really. 95 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,680 I remember she left early. 96 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,800 I mean, who leaves a wedding early? 97 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:31,520 So sad. 98 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,520 Mmm. Anyway, you've got things to do. 99 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,040 No, not really. I've got plenty of time... 100 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,400 -Biscuits! —(Gasps) 101 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,200 I really am going to have a word with your mother. 102 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:42,440 You can if you like, she understands very little. 103 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,320 (Sighing) 104 00:06:58,840 --> 00:06:59,960 Right, then. 105 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,400 (In haling) 106 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,720 Into battle. 107 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,200 (Church bells ringing) 108 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,880 Photographer: Congratulations! 109 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,040 Okay, hold it there, I want to get this shot 110 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,560 of the newlyweds. 111 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,640 Ah, just the bride and groom, please. 112 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,240 - Sherlock. - Oh, sorry. 113 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,680 (Clearing th roat) 114 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,040 Photographer: Okay. Three, two, one. 115 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,600 - Cheese. - —(Camera shutter clicking) 116 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,840 The famous mr Holmes. 117 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,880 I'm very pleased to meet you. 118 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,200 - But no sex, okay? - Sorry? 119 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,240 You don't have to look so scared. 120 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:48,560 I'm only messing. 121 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,480 Bridesmaid, best man, it's a bit traditional. 122 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,520 Is it? 123 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:54,840 But not obligatory. 124 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,176 If that's the sort of thing you're looking for, 125 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,776 the man over there in blue is your best bet. 126 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,480 Recently divorced doctor with a ginger cat, 127 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:04,280 a barn conversion and a history of erectile dysfunction. 128 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,520 Reviewing that information, possibly not your best bet. 129 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:07,760 Yeah, maybe not. 130 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,056 Sorry, there was one more deduction there than I was expecting. 131 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:14,000 Mr Holmes, you're going to be incredibly useful. 132 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,680 (Camera clicking) 133 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,040 Hello, lovely to meet you. 134 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,656 - How are you? - Beautiful, Mary. 135 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:26,680 Thank you. 136 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,600 David. 137 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,000 (Laughing) Mary. Congratulations. 138 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,520 - You look, um, very nice. - Thanks. 139 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,440 John, congratulations. You're a lucky man. 140 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,560 Thank you. 141 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,080 Um, David, this is Sherlock. 142 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,480 - Mmm. - Um, yeah, we've, um... 143 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,480 We've met. 144 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:51,240 So what exactly are my duties as an Usher? 145 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,720 Let's talk about Mary first. 146 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,240 - Sorry, what? - Oh, I think you know what. 147 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,680 You went out with her for two years. 148 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,280 (Nervously) Ages ago. We're just good friends now. 149 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,760 Is that a fact? 150 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,160 Whenever she tweets, you respond within five minutes, 151 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,616 regardless of time or current location, 152 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,200 suggesting you have her on text alert. 153 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,816 In all your Facebook photographs of the happy couple, 154 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:11,840 Mary takes centre frame, 155 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,080 whereasjohn is always partly or entirely excluded. 156 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,040 Wait, you can't assume from that 157 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,640 that I've still got some kind of interest in Mary? 158 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,096 You've volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on 159 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,536 on no less than three separate occasions. 160 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,280 Do you have anything to say in your defence? 161 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,376 I think from now on we'll downgrade you to casual acquaintance, 162 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,240 no more than three planned social encounters a year 163 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,520 and always in John's presence. 164 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,640 I have your contact details. I will be monitoring. 165 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:40,280 They're right about you. You're a bloody psychopath. 166 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,480 High-functioning sociopath. 167 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,200 With your number. 168 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,480 (Stammering) 169 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,440 Hello. 170 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,240 Thanks for coming, thank you. 171 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,880 Yes, um, well done in the service, Archie. 172 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,216 He's really come out of his shell. I don't know how you did it. 173 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:12,760 (Chuckling) Um... 174 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,736 Basically, it's a cute smile to the bride's side, 175 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,376 cute smile to the groom's side and then the rings. 176 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,240 - No. - And you have to wear the outfit. 177 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,120 - No. - You really do have to wear the outfit. 178 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,856 - What for? - Grownups like that sort of thing. 179 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,000 Why? 180 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,680 I don't know. I'll ask one. 181 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,000 You're a detective? 182 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:34,320 Yep. 183 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,240 - Have you solved any murders? - Sure, loads. 184 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:37,880 Can I see? 185 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,160 Yea h, a ll rig ht. 186 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,200 (Beeping) 187 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,600 What's all that stuff in his eye? 188 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:50,680 Maggots. 189 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,120 -Cool -hmm. 190 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,320 He said you had some pictures for him as a treat. 191 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,600 Er, yes, if he's good. 192 00:11:58,680 --> 00:11:59,720 Beheadings. 193 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:00,800 Lovely little village. 194 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,880 Hmm? What did you say? 195 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:09,280 Hold it. 196 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:12,760 Nice. 197 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,440 - Vol-au-vent? - I'm starving. 198 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,776 - Thanks. - I had to lose so much weight 199 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,880 -to get into this dress. —(Laughing) 200 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,600 Mmm. He's nice. 201 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,320 Traces of two leading brands of deodorant, 202 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,576 both advertised for their strength. 203 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,056 Suggestive of a chronic body odour problem 204 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,160 manifesting under stress. 205 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,640 Okay, done there. What about his friend? 206 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,160 Long-term relationship. Compulsive cheat. 207 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,200 - Seriously? - Waterproof cover on the smartphone. 208 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,520 Yet his complexion doesn't indicate outdoor work. 209 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,896 Suggests he's in the habit of taking his phone into the shower with him, 210 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,496 which means he often receives texts and emails he'd rather went unseen. 211 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,256 - Can I keep you? - Do you like solving crimes? 212 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,320 Do you have a vacancy? 213 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,600 - So, Harry? - Uh, no, no show. 214 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,000 Darling, I'm so sorry. 215 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,800 Yeah, it was a bit of a punt asking, I suppose. 216 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,520 Still, free bar, wouldn't have been a good mix. 217 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,640 Oh. God, wow. 218 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,920 - Is that... - He came. 219 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,120 So that's him. 220 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,360 -Major sholto. —uh—huh. 221 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,800 If they're such good friends, why does he barely even mention him? 222 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,280 He mentions him all the time to me. Never shuts up about him. 223 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,320 - About him? - Mmm-hmm. 224 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,920 Ugh, I chose this wine. It's bloody awful. 225 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,576 Yes, but it's definitely him that he talks about? 226 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,880 Mmm-hmm. 227 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:42,000 I'm very, very glad to see you, sir. 228 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,880 I know you don't really do this sort of thing. 229 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,520 Well, I do for old friends, Watson. 230 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,200 John. 231 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,920 - It's good to see you. - You, too. 232 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:56,880 Civilian life suiting you, then? 233 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,280 Er, yes, well, I think so, sir. 234 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,696 No more need for the trick cyclist? 235 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,920 No, I go now and then. Sort of a top-up. 236 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,200 Therapy can be very helpful. 237 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,520 Where are you living these days? 238 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,920 Oh, way out in the middle of nowhere. You wouldn't know it. 239 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,376 - John: You look well. - I've never even heard him say his name. 240 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,000 Well, he's almost a recluse. 241 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,160 - You know, since... - Yes. 242 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,600 I didn't think he'd show up at all. 243 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,760 John says he's the most unsociable man he's ever met. 244 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,920 - He is? He's the most unsociable? - Mmm. 245 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,880 Ah, that's why he's bouncing around him like a puppy. 246 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,160 Oh, Sherlock. 247 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,280 Neither of us were the first, you know. 248 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,560 - Stop smiling. - It's my wedding day. 249 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,160 (Gags) 250 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,960 (Pou n ding footsteps) 251 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,840 (Exhales) 252 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,520 (Mobile ringing) 253 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:13,680 Yes. What? 254 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,280 - Sherlock. - Why are you out of breath? 255 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,080 Filing. 256 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,456 Either I've caught you in a compromising position 257 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,920 or you've been working out again. Favour the latter. 258 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,200 - What do you want? - I need your answer, mycroft, 259 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,480 as a matter of urgency. 260 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,640 - Answer? - Even at the eleventh hour 261 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,400 it's not too late to know. 262 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,680 Oh, lord. 263 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,320 Cars can be ordered, 264 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,840 private jets commandeered. 265 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,240 Today. It's today, isn't it? 266 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,880 No, Sherlock, I will not be coming 267 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,600 to the "night do", as you so poetically put it. 268 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,400 What a shame. 269 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,960 Mary and John will be extremely... 270 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,520 Delighted not to have me hanging around. 271 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,000 Oh, I don't know. 272 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,160 There should always be a spectre at the feast. 273 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,240 So, this is it, then? The big day. 274 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,560 I suppose I'll be seeing a lot more of you from now on. 275 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,120 - What do you mean? - It'll be just like old times. 276 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,440 No, I don't understand. 277 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,440 Well, it's the end of an era, isn't it? 278 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,640 John and Mary. Domestic bliss. 279 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,920 No, no, no. I prefer to think of it as the beginning of a new chapter. 280 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:15,760 - —What? - Nothing. 281 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,440 I know that silence. What? 282 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,200 Well, I'd better let you get back to it. 283 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,600 You have a big speech or something, don't you? 284 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,960 - —Wh at? - Cakes. Karaoke. 285 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:25,880 - Mi ng li ng. - Mycroft! 286 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,720 This is what people do, Sherlock. They get married. I warned you. 287 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,280 Don't get involved. 288 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,560 Involved? I'm not involved. 289 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,600 - No. - John asked me to be his best man. 290 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,040 - How could I say no? - Absolutely. 291 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,520 - I'm not involved. - I believe you. 292 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,000 Really, I do. 293 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,880 Have a lovely day and do give the happy couple my best. 294 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,160 I will. 295 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,720 Oh, by the way, Sherlock. 296 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,400 Do you remember redbeard? 297 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,120 I'm not a child any more, mycroft. 298 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,960 No, of course you're not. 299 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,440 Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock. 300 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,600 Pray silence for the best man. 301 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,200 (All cheering) 302 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,200 Ladies and gentlemen, 303 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,240 family and friends. 304 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,280 And, um... 305 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,640 Others. 306 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,840 Uh... — (clearing th roat) 307 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,520 (Stammering) Also... 308 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,000 - Greg. - Molly. 309 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,280 I just had a thought. 310 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,400 Is that a brain? 311 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,400 What ifjohn asks Sherlock to be his best man? 312 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,440 - Well, he will. He's bound to. - Exactly. 313 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,080 - So? - So, he'll have to make a speech 314 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,160 in front of people. 315 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,000 There will be actual people there actually listening. 316 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,640 Well, what's the worst that could happen? 317 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,440 Helen Louise probably wondered the same. 318 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:20,920 Helen Louise? 319 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,320 (Phone ringing) 320 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,160 Oh, hello, dear. 321 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,880 I was just thinking, ifjohn does ask Sherlock... 322 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,800 What, the speech, dear? I know. It'll be fine. 323 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,800 It's not just the speech, though, is it? 324 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,880 (Mrs Hudson laughing) 325 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:47,880 Mrs Hudson? 326 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,480 - Oh, no, darling. - You all right? 327 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,296 I was going to see Sherlock and I thought you were... 328 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,400 - No. - Possibly dying. 329 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:55,760 I'm sorry. 330 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,840 What's wrong? 331 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,800 The telegrams. 332 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,720 - Sorry, what? - Oh, sorry. 333 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,680 (Continues laughing) 334 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,240 The telegrams. 335 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,280 Right, um... 336 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,080 - —(Clearing throat) - Mmm. 337 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,520 First things first. 338 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,600 Telegrams. 339 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:19,896 Well, they're not actually telegrams. 340 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,656 We just call them telegrams, I don't know why. 341 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,720 Wedding tradition. 342 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,080 Because we don't have enough of that already, apparently. 343 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:27,960 "To mr and mrs Watson. 344 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,440 "So sorry I'm unable to be with you on your special day. 345 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,400 "Good luck and best wishes, Mike Stanford." 346 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:33,640 -Ah, Mike. 347 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,040 "Tojohn and Mary. 348 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,840 "All good wishes for your special day. With love and many big... 349 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,120 "Big squishy cuddles from Stella and Ted." 350 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,880 - —(Chuckles) - "Mary, lots of love..." Oh! 351 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,400 - Yea h? - "...Poppet." 352 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,800 "Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from cam. 353 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,320 "Wish your family could have seen this." 354 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,240 - Hey, hmm? - Yep. 355 00:19:58,320 --> 00:19:59,640 Um... "Special day." 356 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:04,480 "Very special day." "Love." "Love." "Love." "Love." 357 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,096 "Love." bit of a theme, you get the general gist. 358 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,400 People are basically fond. 359 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,160 (Guests laughing) 360 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,440 John Watson. 361 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,760 My friend, John Watson. 362 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,440 John. 363 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,600 When John first broached the subject of being best man, I was confused. 364 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,240 - Sherlock? - What was that noise downstairs? 365 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,800 Ah, it was mrs Hudson laughing. 366 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,840 It sounds like she was torturing an owl. 367 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,640 Yeah, well it was laughter. 368 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,240 Could have been both. 369 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,800 - Busy? - (Sighing) Just occupying myself. 370 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,560 Sometimes it's so hard not smoking. 371 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:41,840 Mind if I interrupt? 372 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,240 Oh, be my guest. 373 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,320 -Tea? 374 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,720 So. (Clearing throat) 375 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,000 - The big question. - Mmm-hmm? 376 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,200 The best man. 377 00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:58,240 - The best man? - What do you think? 378 00:20:58,320 --> 00:20:59,400 Billy Kincaid. 379 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,096 - Sorry, what? - Billy Kincaid, the Camden garrotter. 380 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,120 Best man I ever knew. 381 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,936 Vast contributions to charity never disclosed. 382 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,400 Personally managed to save three hospitals from closure, 383 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,040 and ran the best and safest children's homes in north england. 384 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,776 Yes, every now and again there would be some garrottings, 385 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,320 but stacking up the lives saved against the garrottings, 386 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,000 - on balance I'd say... - For my wedding. 387 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,120 For me. I need a best man. 388 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,200 Oh, right. 389 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,240 - Maybe not a garrotter. - Gavin? 390 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,040 - Who? - Gavin lestrade. 391 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:27,160 He's a man and good at it. 392 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,640 Hsgmg 393 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,160 and he's not my best friend. 394 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,280 Oh, Mike Stanford, I see. 395 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:33,920 Well, he's nice, um... 396 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,096 Though I'm not sure how well he'd cope with... 397 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,760 No, Mike's great, but he's not my best friend. 398 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:43,640 Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest and most important day of my life. 399 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,760 - Well... - No, it is. It is. 400 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,640 And I want to be up there with the two people 401 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,040 that I love and care about 402 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:52,760 - most in the world. - Yes. 403 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,800 - Ma ry morstan... - Yes. 404 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:01,600 And... 405 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,800 You. 406 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,216 I confess at first I didn't realise he was asking me. 407 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,880 When finally I understood, 408 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:16,000 I expressed to him that I was both flattered and surprised. 409 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,016 I explained to him that I had never expected this request 410 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,840 and I was a little daunted in the face of it. 411 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:26,360 Sherlock? 412 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,536 I nonetheless promised that I would do my very best to accomplish a task 413 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,400 which was, for me, as demanding and difficult 414 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:35,920 as any I had ever contemplated. 415 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,176 Additionally, I thanked him for the trust he placed in me 416 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,960 and indicated that I was, in some ways, 417 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,600 very close to being moved by it. 418 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,040 No, it's getting a bit scary now. 419 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,640 It later transpired that I'd said none of this out aloud. 420 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,680 (All laughing) 421 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,000 So, in fact... 422 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,400 - You-you mean... - Yes. 423 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,880 I'm your... best... 424 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,240 - Man. - Friend? 425 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,840 Yeah, of course you are. 426 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,600 Course you're my best friend. 427 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:30,840 Well, how was that? 428 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,400 Surprisingly okay. 429 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,160 So you'll have to make a speech, of course. 430 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,480 Sherlock: (Clearing throat) So... 431 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,480 Done that. Done that. 432 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,400 Done that bit. Done that bit. 433 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:52,840 Done that bit. 434 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,480 I'm afraid, John, I can't congratulate you. 435 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:00,680 All emotions, and in particular love, 436 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,720 stand opposed to the pure cold reason I hold above all things. 437 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,080 A wedding is, in my considered opinion, 438 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,720 nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious 439 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,720 and irrational and sentimental 440 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,000 in this ailing and morally compromised world. 441 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:17,360 Today we honour the deathwatch beetle that is the doom of our society 442 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:21,480 and in time, one feels certain, our entire species. 443 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,920 But anyway, let's talk aboutjohn. 444 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,560 Please. (Clearing throat) 445 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,280 If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures, 446 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,240 it is not out of sentiment or caprice, 447 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,560 it is that he has many fine qualities of his own 448 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,840 that he has overlooked in his obsession with me. 449 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,680 Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness 450 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,040 comes in truth from the extraordinary contrast 451 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:47,800 John so selflessly provides. 452 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,576 It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour 453 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,920 exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. 454 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,080 There is a certain analogy there, I feel. 455 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:55,600 And contrast is, after all, 456 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,080 god's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. 457 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,840 Or it would be if god were not a ludicrous fantasy 458 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,640 designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot. 459 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,160 (Guests mu rmu ring) 460 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,440 The point I'm trying to make is that I am 461 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:14,320 the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant 462 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,200 and all-round obnoxious arsehole 463 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,360 that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. 464 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,200 I am dismissive of the virtuous, 465 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,560 unaware of the beautiful, 466 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,080 and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. 467 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,136 So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, 468 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,040 it is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend. 469 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,960 And certainly not the best friend 470 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,280 of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being 471 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,920 I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. 472 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:45,320 Woman: Aw. 473 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,680 John, I am a ridiculous man. 474 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,800 Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. 475 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,336 But as I am, apparently, your best friend, 476 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:56,600 I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. 477 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:00,840 Actually, now I can. 478 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,360 Mary, when I say you deserve this man, 479 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,800 it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. 480 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,840 John, you have endured war 481 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:13,920 and injury 482 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,160 and tragic loss. 483 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,320 So sorry again about that last one. 484 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,120 So know this. Today you sit between 485 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:25,160 the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. 486 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,880 In short, the two people who love you most in all this world. 487 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:33,200 And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down 488 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,480 and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that. 489 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:36,720 (Sobbing) 490 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,840 - If I try and hug him, stop me. - Certainly not. 491 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,720 Ah, yes. Now onto some funny stories aboutjohn. 492 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,080 (Joh n clearing th roat) 493 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,176 What's wrong? What happened? Why are you all doing that? 494 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,320 John? 495 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:55,360 Oh, Sherlock. 496 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:56,880 Did I do it wrong? 497 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,640 No, you didn't. Come here. 498 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:00,600 (All applauding) 499 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,000 - I haven't finished yet. - Yeah, I know. I know. 500 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,960 - So onto some funny stories... - Can you wait till I sit down? 501 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,640 (Clearing th roat) 502 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,320 So onto some funny stories aboutjohn. 503 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,416 If you could all just cheer up a bit, that would... 504 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,440 - —(All laughing) - Be better. 505 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:24,320 On we go. 506 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,480 So for funny stories, one has to look no further than John's blog. 507 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,560 The record of our time together. 508 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,080 Of course, he does tend to romanticise things a bit but then, you know, 509 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:36,160 he's a romantic. 510 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:39,480 We've tackled some strange cases. 511 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:40,680 The hollow client. 512 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:49,320 The poisoned giant. 513 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:54,800 Get down, John! 514 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:02,760 We've had some frustrating cases. 515 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,320 (Sighing) 516 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:09,880 What is that? 517 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,120 A French decathlete found completely out of his mind 518 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,480 surrounded by 1,812 matchboxes, all empty, except this one. 519 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,840 And what's in that one? 520 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,320 The inexplicable. 521 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:28,320 Touching cases. 522 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:31,880 She's going to ring the doorbell. 523 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,400 Oh, no, she's changed her mind. 524 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,920 No, she's going to do it. No, she's leaving. 525 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,256 She's leaving. (Clearing throat) Oh, she's coming back. 526 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:45,240 She's a client, she's boring. I've seen those symptoms before. 527 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,040 Oscillation on the pavement always means there's a love affair. 528 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,401 And of course, I have to mention the elephant in the room. 529 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,200 (Elephant trumpeting) 530 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:02,520 But we want something very particular for this special day, don't we? 531 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,240 The bloody guardsman. 532 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,720 Need to work on your half of the church, Mary. 533 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,400 -Looking a bit thin. —oh. 534 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:14,480 Orphan's lot. 535 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,520 Friends, that's all I have. Lots of friends. 536 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,080 Schedule the organ music to begin at precisely 11:48... 537 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,336 But the rehearsal's not for another two weeks. Just calm down. 538 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,200 Calm? I am calm, I'm extremely calm. 539 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,440 Let's get back to the reception. Come on. 540 00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,080 John's cousin, top table? 541 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,160 Hmm, hates you. Can't even bear to think about you. 542 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,920 - Seriously? - Second-class post. 543 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:33,520 Cheap card. 544 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,016 Bought at a petrol station. Look at the stamp. 545 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,080 Three attempts at licking. 546 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,360 She's obviously unconsciously retaining saliva. 547 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:39,960 Aw, let's stick her by the bogs. 548 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:41,760 - Oh, yes. - —(Mary clearing throat) 549 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:44,320 Who else hates me? 550 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:48,440 Oh, great. Thanks. 551 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,640 "Priceless painting nicked." Looks interesting. 552 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:52,720 - Table four? - Done. 553 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:54,560 (Chuckling) "My husband is three people." 554 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,040 - Table five? - Majorjames sholto. Who he? 555 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,680 Oh, John's old commanding officer. I don't think he's coming. 556 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,816 - John: He'll be there. - Well, he needs to rsvp, then. 557 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:02,840 He'll be there. 558 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:05,360 "My husband is three people." It's interesting. 559 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,120 Says he has three distinct patterns of moles on his skin. 560 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:10,896 Identical triplets. One in half a million births. 561 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,016 Solved it without leaving the flat. 562 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:13,080 Now, serviettes. 563 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:15,640 Swan or Sydney opera house? 564 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:16,816 Where did you learn to do that? 565 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,256 Many unexpected skills required in the field of criminal investigation. 566 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,080 - Fibbing, Sherlock. - I once broke an alibi 567 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,160 by demonstrating the exact severity of... 568 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:24,416 I'm notjohn. I can tell when you're fibbing. 569 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:25,880 Okay. I learnt it on YouTube. 570 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,520 Opera house, please. Oh, hang on. I'm buzzing. 571 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:30,760 Hello? 572 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,040 Oh, hi, Beth. 573 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,360 Yeah, yeah, I don't see why not. 574 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,280 Actually, if that's Beth, it's probably for me, too. Hang on. 575 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,096 He knows we don't have a friend called Beth. 576 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:48,456 He's going to figure out that it's code. 577 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,056 - He's youtubing serviettes. - He's thorough. 578 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,416 - He's terrified. - Of course he's not. 579 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:52,936 Right, you know when you're scared of something, 580 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,976 you start wishing it sooner just to get it all going? 581 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,040 That's what he's doing. 582 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,480 Why would he be scared that we're getting married? 583 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,496 It's not going to change anything. We'll still do stuff. 584 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,856 We need to prove it to him. I told you to find him a new case. 585 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:04,640 - I'm trying. - You need to run him, okay? 586 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,960 Show him it's still the good old days. 587 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,440 Thatjust sort of happened. 588 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:22,640 Sherlock, um... 589 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:25,240 Mate. 590 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:27,600 I've... 591 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,280 (Sighing) I've smelled 18 different perfumes. 592 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:33,720 I've sampled 593 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:38,000 nine different slices of cake, which all tasted identical. 594 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:39,840 I like the bridesmaids in purple. 595 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,360 - Li lac. - Li lac. 596 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,960 Um, there are no more decisions left to make. 597 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,080 I don't even understand the decisions that we have made. 598 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,200 I'm faking opinions and it's exhausting. 599 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,360 So please, before she comes back... 600 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:53,520 (Clearing th roat) 601 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:54,960 Pick something. 602 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,720 - Anything, pick one. - Pick what? 603 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,000 (Laughing) A case. 604 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,320 Your inbox is bursting. Just... 605 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:05,120 Get me out of here. 606 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,440 You want to go out on a case? Now? 607 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:08,720 Please. 608 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,240 Sherlock, for me. 609 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,016 Don't you worry about anything. I'll get you out of this. 610 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,680 (Mobile beeping) 611 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,680 Dear, mr Holmes, my name is bainbridge. 612 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,440 I'm a private in her majesty's household guard. 613 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,200 I'm writing to you about a personal matter, 614 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,680 one I don't care to bring before my superiors, 615 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,440 it would sound so trivial. 616 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,040 But I think someone's stalking me. 617 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,880 I'm used to tourists, it's part of the job. 618 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,720 But this is different. 619 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:37,840 Someone's watching me. 620 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,720 He's taking pictures of me every day. 621 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:45,616 I don't want to mention it to the manager 622 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,800 but it's really preying on my mind. 623 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,120 Uniform fetishist. All the nice girls like a soldier. 624 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:56,560 It's sailor. 625 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,320 And bainbridge thinks his stalker is a bloke. 626 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:00,640 Let's go and investigate. 627 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,480 - Please? - Elite guard. 628 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:03,880 Forty enlisted men and officers. 629 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,320 Why this particular grenadier? Curious. 630 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,280 - Now you're talking. - Okay. 631 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:09,880 - —(Clearing throat) - Bye. 632 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,000 Uh, we're just going to... 633 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:14,080 I need, um, Sherlock to help me choose some... 634 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:15,960 - Tie. - Socks. 635 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:17,600 - Why don't we go with socks? - Yeah. 636 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:18,736 I mean, you've got to get the right ones. 637 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,160 Exactly. To go with my... 638 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,400 -Tie... outfit. 639 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,520 (Sighing) Well, it'll take a while, right? 640 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,640 - My coat in there? - Yes. 641 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,520 Just going to take him out for a bit. 642 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:30,960 - Run him. - I know. 643 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:32,280 You said you'd find him a case. 644 00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:34,240 - Coming, Sherlock? - Coming. 645 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:43,720 Taxi! 646 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,680 Guard: Company, halt! 647 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,400 Right turn! 648 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,320 We're here to see private Steven bainbridge. 649 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,360 He's on duty right now, sir. 650 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,120 I'll certainly let him know when he's free. 651 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:15,720 And when will that be? 652 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:17,600 Another hour. 653 00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:33,680 Sherlock: You think they give them classes? 654 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:34,760 Classes? 655 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:38,000 How to resist the temptation to scratch their behinds. 656 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,400 Afferent neurons in the peripheral nervous system. 657 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,120 -Bum itch. —oh. 658 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,760 So why don't you see him any more? 659 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,520 - Who? - Your previous commander, sholto. 660 00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:57,880 - Previous commander? - I meant ex. 661 00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,296 "Previous" suggests that I currently have a commander. 662 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:01,720 - Which you don't. - Which I don't. 663 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,160 Of course you don't. 664 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:05,360 He was decorated, wasn't he? 665 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,560 - A war hero. - Not to everyone. 666 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,656 (Clearing throat) He led a team of crows into battle. 667 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,440 - Crows? - New recruits. 668 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,600 It's standard procedure, break the new boys in, 669 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,360 but it went wrong. 670 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,760 They all died. He was the only survivor. 671 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:21,296 The press and the families gave him hell. 672 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:22,576 He gets more death threats than you. 673 00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:24,120 Oh, I wouldn't count on that. 674 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,200 Why have you suddenly taken an interest in another human being? 675 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:29,640 I'm chatting. 676 00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:35,720 Won't be trying that again. 677 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,960 Changing the subject completely... 678 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:44,160 You know it won't alter anything, right? Me and Mary getting married. 679 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:46,360 We'll still be doing all this. 680 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:47,440 Oh, good. 681 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:48,840 If you were worried. 682 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:50,400 I wasn't worried. 683 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,280 (Chuckling) 684 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:56,760 The thing about Mary, 685 00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:00,080 she has completely turned my life around. 686 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,520 Changed everything. 687 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,120 But for the record, 688 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:10,080 over the last few years, there are two people who have done that and... 689 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:12,920 The other one is... 690 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,440 A complete dickhead. 691 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,480 (Guards marching outside) 692 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,160 (Indistinct chatter and laughter) 693 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:48,520 Can I ask what this is in connection with? 694 00:37:48,720 --> 00:37:52,480 Private bainbridge contacted us about a personal matter, sir. 695 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,320 Nothing's personal when it concerns my troops. 696 00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,040 - What do you really want? - I'm here on a legitimate enquiry. 697 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:01,680 You press? 698 00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,280 Digging for some bloody royal story or something? 699 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:05,880 No, sir, I'm... 700 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,616 Captain John Watson, fifth northumberland fusiliers... 701 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:09,840 Retired. 702 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,360 You could be a used car salesman now, for alll know. 703 00:38:16,240 --> 00:38:17,640 - —(Shower running) - Bainbridge? 704 00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:19,720 Gentleman here to see you. 705 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:22,400 Bainbridge! 706 00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:32,560 I know you, don't I? 707 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,880 I've seen you in the papers. 708 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,720 Hanging around with that detective, the one with the silly hat. 709 00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,520 What the hell does bainbridge want with a detective? 710 00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:49,200 I'm afraid I'm not at Liberty to say. 711 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,840 You're not at Liberty to say? He's a soldier in my regiment. 712 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,576 I'll be damned if he's going to get up to cloak-and-dagger nonsense like this. 713 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:55,880 - (Door opening) - Sir. 714 00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:57,880 - Sir. - What's going on? 715 00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,880 It's bainbridge, sir. He's dead. 716 00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:11,040 My god! 717 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:12,680 (Sighing) 718 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,520 Let me take a look, sir, I'm a doctor. 719 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:16,720 What? 720 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:18,000 Sergeant, arrest this man. 721 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:19,360 What? No, no, I'm a doctor. 722 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:20,760 Oh, you're a doctor now, too? 723 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:22,680 - Sergeant. - Let me examine him, please. 724 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,640 Sir, caught this one snooping around. 725 00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:26,920 Is that what this is all about? 726 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,880 Distracting me so that this man could get in here and kill bainbridge? 727 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:31,520 Kill him with what? Where's the weapon? 728 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:32,776 - —What? - Where's the weapon? 729 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,240 Go on, search me, no weapon. 730 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,160 Bainbridge was on parade. He came off duty five minutes ago. 731 00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:38,416 When's this supposed to have happened? 732 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,640 You obviously stabbed him before he got into the shower. 733 00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,256 He's soaking wet and there's still shampoo in his hair. 734 00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,136 He got into the shower and then someone stabbed him. 735 00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:47,856 But the cubicle was locked from the inside, sir. 736 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:48,880 I had to break it open. 737 00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:50,400 Must have climbed over the top. 738 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,176 Well, then I'd be soaking wet, too, wouldn't I? 739 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:55,880 Major, please. I'm John Watson, fifth northumberland fusiliers. 740 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:57,080 Three years in Afghanistan, 741 00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,960 a veteran of kandahar, helmand and barts bloody hospital! 742 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:01,720 Let me examine this body! 743 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:10,040 Thank you. 744 00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:12,600 - Suicide? - No. 745 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,480 The weapon again, no knife. 746 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,920 Here we are. There is a wound to the abdomen. 747 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,400 Incredibly fine. 748 00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:24,680 Man stabbed to death. 749 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,640 No murder weapon. Door locked from the inside. 750 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:29,920 Only one way in or out of here. 751 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,200 - Sherlock. - Mm m? 752 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,080 - He's still breathing. - Oh, my god. 753 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:35,536 - What do we do? - Give me your scarf. 754 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,160 - —What? - Quickly, now. 755 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,040 -Call an ambulance. —what? 756 00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:40,680 Call an ambulance now! 757 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:42,600 Do it! 758 00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,480 Nurse, press here, hard. 759 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,040 - Nurse? - Yeah, I'm making do. 760 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:47,800 Keep pressure on that wound. 761 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,120 Steven? Steven, stay with me. 762 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,400 Private bainbridge had just come off guard duty. 763 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,536 He'd stood there for hours, plenty of people watching, 764 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:57,960 nothing apparently wrong. 765 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,680 He came off duty and within minutes was nearly dead 766 00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:04,240 from a wound in his stomach but there was no weapon. 767 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:05,880 Where did it go? 768 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,896 Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to consider this. 769 00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:09,960 A murderer who can walk through walls. 770 00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:11,600 A weapon that can vanish. 771 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,800 But in all of this, there is only one element 772 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,680 which can be said to be truly remarkable. 773 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,800 Would anyone like to make a guess? 774 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:26,880 Come on, come on. There is actually an element of q&a to all of this. 775 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:28,560 (Clearing th roat) 776 00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,200 Scotland yard, have you got a theory? 777 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,080 Yeah, you. You're a detective, broadly speaking. Got a theory? 778 00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:38,760 Er, um... 779 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,760 (Stammering) If the blade was propelled through the, um... 780 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:46,920 Grating in the air vent... 781 00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:50,360 Maybe a ballista or a catapult, 782 00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,520 somebody tiny could crawl in there. 783 00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:55,440 So yeah, we're looking for a dwarf. 784 00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:57,680 - Brilliant. - Really? 785 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,800 - Next. - (Whispering) He stabbed himself. 786 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:03,520 Hello, who was that? Tom. 787 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,600 (Chair creaking) 788 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:07,920 Got a theory? 789 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:15,480 Um, attempted suicide with a blade made of compacted blood and bone. 790 00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:19,160 Broke after piercing his abdomen, like a meat... 791 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:21,760 Daggen 792 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:23,920 - a meat dagger? - Yes. 793 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,000 Sit down. 794 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,920 There was one feature and only one feature of interest 795 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,800 in the whole of this baffling case 796 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,240 and quite frankly, it was the usual. 797 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:37,400 John Watson. 798 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,616 Who, while I was trying to solve the murder, 799 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,400 instead saved a life. 800 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:46,760 There are mysteries worth solving and stories worth telling. 801 00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:49,560 The best and bravest man I know 802 00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:51,576 and on top of that he actually knows how to do stuff. 803 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:52,600 (Laughing) 804 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,816 Except wedding planning and serviettes, he's rubbish at those. 805 00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:55,880 (Guests ch uckling) 806 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:57,600 The case itself remains the most ingenious 807 00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,880 and brilliantly planned murder or attempted murder 808 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:02,160 I've ever had the pleasure to encounter. 809 00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:05,440 The most perfect locked-room mystery of which I am aware. 810 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:07,816 However, I'm not just here to praisejohn, 811 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,160 I'm also here embarrass him, so let's move on to some... 812 00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:11,400 No, wait. So how was it done? 813 00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:13,280 - How was what done? - The stabbing. 814 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:17,280 I'm afraid I don't know. 815 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,320 I didn't solve that one, that's... 816 00:43:19,720 --> 00:43:23,120 It can happen sometimes. It's very... Very disappointing. 817 00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,040 Embarrassment leads me on to the stag night. 818 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:27,976 Course, there's hours of material here, 819 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,960 but I've cut it down to the really good bits. 820 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:33,240 Murder scenes. 821 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,480 Locations of murders? 822 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:37,840 Mmm, pub crawl, themed. 823 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:40,000 Yeah, but why can't you just do underground stations? 824 00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,000 It lacks the personal touch. 825 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:43,296 We're going to go for a drink in... 826 00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,200 In every street where you've found a corpse. 827 00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:46,480 Delightful. 828 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:48,360 - Where do I come in? - Don't want to get ill. 829 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:49,800 That would ruin it, spoil the mood. 830 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,320 You're a graduate chemist, can't you just work it out? 831 00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:54,080 I like the practical experience. 832 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,320 Meaning you think I like a drink? 833 00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:58,760 - Occasionally. - That I'm a drunk? 834 00:43:58,840 --> 00:43:59,880 No. No! 835 00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:06,040 You look well. 836 00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:09,520 - I am. - How's... 837 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:15,880 - Not a sociopath. - Still? Good. 838 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,680 And we're having quite a lot of sex. 839 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:21,800 Okay. 840 00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,720 I want you to calculate John's ideal intake and mine 841 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:26,600 to remain in the sweet spot the whole evening. 842 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:30,200 - Lightheaded good. - Urinating in wardrobes bad. 843 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:31,560 Hmm. 844 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,480 Two, er, beers, please. 845 00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,440 - —Pints? - 443.7 millilitres. 846 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:45,960 (Sighing) 847 00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:47,960 (Clearing th roat) 848 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,320 - What, we're on a schedule? - You'll thank me. 849 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,680 - Cheers. - Cheers. 850 00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:16,400 -Over there. —what? 851 00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,040 Toilets. Any second now, you'll get... 852 00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:19,616 Hang on. Tell me after. I need the loo. 853 00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:20,720 Mmm. On schedule. 854 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:22,880 - —Eh? - Nothing. Go. 855 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,200 - How long? - Sorry? 856 00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:31,560 Your visit. 857 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:34,960 If you could estimate approximate volume discharge... 858 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:36,440 Stop talking now. 859 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,000 Quick, one more. He mustn't see. 860 00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:55,240 There you go. 861 00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:56,600 Cheers. 862 00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:00,760 I know ash! 863 00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,160 Don't tell me I don't. 864 00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,080 That is enough! That is... 865 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:14,640 Ashton. 866 00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:16,400 Sherlock: I know Ashton! 867 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:25,040 I have an international reputation. 868 00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:29,360 Do you have an international reputation? 869 00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:31,840 No, I don't have an international reputation. 870 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,320 And I can't even remember what for. 871 00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:39,440 It's... 872 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:42,880 Crime, something like that. 873 00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:50,656 What are you doing back? I thought you were going to be out late? 874 00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:53,200 Sherlock: Ah, hudders. What time is it? 875 00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,360 You've only been out two hours. 876 00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:09,040 Am I a vegetable? 877 00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:12,320 You or the... (Laughing) 878 00:47:13,240 --> 00:47:14,440 Funny. 879 00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:16,520 - Thank you. - Come on. 880 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,040 - No, you're not a vegetable. - It's your go. 881 00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:23,640 Am I human? 882 00:47:24,720 --> 00:47:25,800 Sometimes. 883 00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:27,600 Can't have sometimes. Has to be, um... 884 00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:28,720 Yes, you're human. 885 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,040 Yes, I know. And am I man? 886 00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:33,080 - Yep. - Ta ll? 887 00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:36,000 Not as tall as people think. 888 00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:37,440 Hmm. Nice? 889 00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,280 - Ish. - Clever? 890 00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,240 - I'd say so. - You would. 891 00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:44,520 Am I important? 892 00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:46,080 To some people. 893 00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,720 Do "people" like me? 894 00:47:49,720 --> 00:47:51,040 Er, no, they don't. 895 00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,640 You tend to rub them up the wrong way. 896 00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:55,160 -Okay. —(Laughing) 897 00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:56,960 Am I the current king of england? 898 00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:58,320 John: We... (Laughing) 899 00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:01,800 You know we don't have a king. 900 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,080 - Don't we? - No. 901 00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:04,320 Your go. 902 00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:13,320 I don't mind. 903 00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:15,160 Am I a woman? 904 00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:17,200 (Laughing) 905 00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:19,480 What? 906 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:21,040 Yes. 907 00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,840 Am I pretty? 908 00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:26,440 This. 909 00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:31,360 Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, 910 00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:32,960 influences and role models. 911 00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:36,360 Yeah, but am I a pretty lady? 912 00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,416 I don't know who you are. I don't know who you're supposed to be. 913 00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:42,600 You picked the name! 914 00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,280 Yeah, but I picked it at random from the papers. 915 00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,440 You're not really getting the hang of this game, are you, Sherlock? 916 00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,400 So I am human, I'm not as tall as people think I am. 917 00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:53,840 I'm... I'm nice-ish. 918 00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:56,600 Clever. Important to some people. 919 00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,200 But I tend to rub them up the wrong way. 920 00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:00,600 (Laughing) 921 00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:02,600 - —Got it. - Go on, then. 922 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:03,840 I'm you, aren't I? 923 00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:05,760 Mrs Hudson: (Knocking) Client! 924 00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:06,880 Client. 925 00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:09,320 - Hello. - Hello. 926 00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:10,400 Come. 927 00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:12,480 Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes? 928 00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:16,600 (Whistling) 929 00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:19,600 I don't a lot. 930 00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:23,720 I mean, I don't date all that much and... 931 00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:27,480 He seemed nice, you know? 932 00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:30,000 We seemed to automatically connect. 933 00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:32,760 We had one night, dinner. 934 00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:38,120 Such interesting conversation, it was lovely. 935 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:39,880 To be honest, 936 00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:43,720 I'd love to have gone further but I thought, 937 00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:46,320 "no, this is special. 938 00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:49,640 "Let's take it slowly. Exchange numbers." 939 00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:51,960 He said he'd get in touch and then... 940 00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,840 Maybe he wasn't quite 941 00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:02,440 as keen as I was but I... 942 00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:07,920 I just thought at least he'd call to say that we were finished. 943 00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:17,360 I went round there. 944 00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,160 To his flat. No trace of him. 945 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:24,360 Mr Holmes, I honestly think 946 00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:29,080 I had dinner with a ghost. 947 00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:31,360 (Sherlock mumbling) 948 00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:34,560 Mr Holmes? 949 00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:36,840 (Faint snoring) 950 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,560 With a ghost, mr Holmes! 951 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:43,560 Boring. Boring. Boring. No! 952 00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:46,200 Fascinating. 953 00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,080 John, John, wake up. 954 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,040 Apologise about my, you know... 955 00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:54,000 Rude. Rude! 956 00:50:55,600 --> 00:51:00,360 I checked with the landlord and the man who lived there died. 957 00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:02,360 Heart attack. 958 00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:07,120 And there we are having dinner one week on. 959 00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,480 And I found this thing online, 960 00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:12,520 sort of chat room thing, 961 00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:16,960 for girls who think they're dating men from the spirit world. 962 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,080 Don't worry. I'll find him in 10 minutes. 963 00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:21,640 What's your dog's name? 964 00:51:21,720 --> 00:51:23,336 John: (Mumbling) Yeah, I'll be there if you want... 965 00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:24,720 John, wake up. 966 00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:26,160 Meant to... (Snaps fingers) 967 00:51:26,240 --> 00:51:28,480 You... the game is something... 968 00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,240 - —Oh. - Yeah, that, that. 969 00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:33,800 Woman: Okay. 970 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:43,880 Oh, it's nice. 971 00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:46,640 Nice place. 972 00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:52,720 - See anything? - Hmm? 973 00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:55,480 Any clues, mr Holmes? 974 00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:57,560 Oh, er... 975 00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:20,440 I'm just going to whip this out. 976 00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:29,200 Mmm-hmm. 977 00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:38,280 - You all right? - Hmm? 978 00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:39,720 -Yeah, he's clueing. —what? 979 00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:41,000 He's... hmm? 980 00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:42,920 He's clueing for looks. 981 00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:55,120 Mr Holmes? 982 00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:57,360 (Snoring) 983 00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,560 - Mr Holmes? - I'm calling the police. 984 00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:03,760 Oh, no. 985 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:05,440 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 986 00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:06,760 This is a famous detective. 987 00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:09,520 It's Sherlock Holmes and his partner, John Hamish Watson. 988 00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:10,960 What do you think you're doing? 989 00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:15,280 Don't compromise the integrity of the... 990 00:53:16,520 --> 00:53:17,520 (Vomiting) 991 00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:22,640 Crime scene. 992 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,200 Yeah, that. 993 00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:39,120 (Sighing) 994 00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:53,280 - Lestrade: Wakey, wakey! - Oh, my god. 995 00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:55,880 Greg? Is that Greg? 996 00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:57,496 Get up, I'm going to put you two in a taxi. 997 00:53:57,520 --> 00:54:00,080 Managed to square things with the desk sergeant. 998 00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:01,160 (Chuckling) 999 00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:02,600 What a couple of lightweights. 1000 00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,400 You couldn't even make it to closing time. 1001 00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,400 - Can you whisper? - —(Shouting) Not really! 1002 00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:11,680 Come on. 1003 00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:27,560 Well, thanks for, you know, 1004 00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:30,600 - an evening. - It was awful. 1005 00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:32,040 -Yep. 1006 00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:34,080 I was going to pretend but... 1007 00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:35,400 It was, truly. 1008 00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:37,560 -That woman Tessa... —what? 1009 00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,200 Dated a ghost, most interesting case for months. 1010 00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:42,240 What a wasted opportunity. 1011 00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:44,320 Okay. 1012 00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:53,280 - Mrs Hudson: How are you feeling? - Mmm. 1013 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,640 It's just like old times, having you back here. 1014 00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:00,280 I thought I'd make your favourite. 1015 00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:02,200 -One last time. —oh. 1016 00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,640 (Clearing throat) Don't sound so final about it. 1017 00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:05,776 I will be visiting, you know. 1018 00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:08,200 Oh, I've heard that one before. 1019 00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:09,336 No, it's different now, though, isn't it? 1020 00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:11,096 It's different to when we thought we'd lost him. 1021 00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:13,480 Well, marriage changes everything, John. 1022 00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:15,240 - Does it? - Yeah. 1023 00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:17,400 You might not think it but it does. 1024 00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:19,400 It's a different phase in your life. 1025 00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:22,400 You meet new people 'cause you're a couple. 1026 00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:26,280 And then you just let your old friends slip away. 1027 00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:28,240 It won't be like that. 1028 00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:31,040 Well, if you've found the right one, the person that you click with, 1029 00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:32,680 it's the best thing in the world. 1030 00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:34,520 Well, I have. I knowl have. 1031 00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,760 Oh, I'm sure. She's lovely. 1032 00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:38,200 Yeah, I think so. 1033 00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:40,480 - What about you? - Me? 1034 00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:43,800 Did you think you'd found the right one when you married mr Hudson? 1035 00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,880 No. It was just a whirlwind thing for us. 1036 00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:48,200 I knew it wouldn't work 1037 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:50,240 - but I just got sort of swept along. - Right. 1038 00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,280 And then we moved to Florida. 1039 00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,080 We had a fantastic time 1040 00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:56,280 but of course, I didn't know what he was up to. 1041 00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:58,040 - The drugs. - Drugs? 1042 00:55:58,400 --> 00:55:59,440 He was running, um... 1043 00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:01,440 Oh, god, what do you call it? 1044 00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:04,720 Cartel. 1045 00:56:05,240 --> 00:56:08,120 - And got in with a really bad crowd. - Right. 1046 00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,600 And then I found out about all the other women. 1047 00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:12,400 I didn't have a clue. 1048 00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:16,880 So when he was actually arrested for blowing someone's head off, 1049 00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:20,320 it was quite a relief, to be honest. 1050 00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:23,200 Right. 1051 00:56:23,800 --> 00:56:25,920 It was purely physical between me and frank. 1052 00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:27,880 We couldn't keep our hands off each other. 1053 00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,000 And, um, there was one night... 1054 00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:32,840 Oh, is that Sherlock? 1055 00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:33,920 Is it? 1056 00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:36,040 (Faint footsteps) 1057 00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:37,760 No, it's Sherlock. 1058 00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:42,560 (Groaning) 1059 00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:48,640 (Approaching footsteps) 1060 00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:53,160 (Sh erlock clearing th roat) 1061 00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:58,336 There are going to be others. 1062 00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:00,200 - Others? - Victims. Women. 1063 00:57:01,120 --> 00:57:02,960 Most ghosts tend to haunt a single house. 1064 00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:05,400 This ghost, however, is willing to commute. Look. 1065 00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:29,480 Mmm... not you. 1066 00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,640 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 1067 00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:34,800 Not you. Not you. 1068 00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,880 Not you. Not you. Not you. 1069 00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:42,920 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 1070 00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,440 Not you. Not you. Not you. 1071 00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:48,680 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you, you, you or you. Or you. 1072 00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:51,920 Or you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 1073 00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:55,120 Not you. Not you. 1074 00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,160 - Hi. - Gail. 1075 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:12,400 Charlotte. 1076 00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:14,960 Robyn. 1077 00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:19,840 Vicky. 1078 00:58:28,520 --> 00:58:29,640 How did you meet? 1079 00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:31,040 Came up to me in a pub. 1080 00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:32,520 Same gym as me. 1081 00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:33,960 We just got chatting on the bus. 1082 00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:35,040 Online. 1083 00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:36,840 - Name? - Told you. 1084 00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:38,000 His name. 1085 00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:39,640 - Osca r. - Mike. 1086 00:58:39,720 --> 00:58:40,880 Terry. 1087 00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:43,080 Um, love monkey. 1088 00:58:44,200 --> 00:58:46,200 - Your place? - Women: His place. 1089 00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:48,680 Add ress? 1090 00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:50,320 (Voices overlapping) 1091 00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:54,320 Nothing happened. 1092 00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:57,120 It was just very romantic. 1093 00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:59,600 Four women in four nights. He must have something special. 1094 00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:01,600 - He was very charming. - Innocent. 1095 00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:02,880 He was sweet. 1096 00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:04,560 - He a lovely... - You okay? 1097 00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:06,040 (Computer beeping) 1098 00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:08,000 Let your food go cold. 1099 00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:09,400 Mrs Hudson will play hell. 1100 00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:10,960 Not now, John. 1101 00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:16,496 - Sorry about that. - —(Computer beeps) 1102 00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:17,840 He had a lovely manner. 1103 00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:20,600 Different names, different addresses. 1104 00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:23,400 - Describe him. - Short blond hair. 1105 00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:24,760 Dark hair. Long. 1106 00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:26,480 Ginger. I like gingers. 1107 00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:27,600 Couldn't tell. 1108 00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:29,600 He had a mask on. 1109 00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:33,600 Sherlock: He's stealing the identity of corpses, 1110 00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,760 getting their names from the obituary columns. 1111 00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:38,040 All single men. 1112 00:59:38,360 --> 00:59:39,640 He's using the dead man's flat 1113 00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:41,600 under the assumption it'll be empty for a while. 1114 00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:43,600 Free love nest. 1115 00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:45,600 - I feel sick. - It's gruesome. 1116 00:59:45,680 --> 00:59:47,480 - That's awful. - Clever. 1117 00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:48,560 Bastard. 1118 00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:50,000 (Chiming) 1119 00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:55,160 Sherlock: Hello, Tessa. 1120 00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:58,360 Meanwhile, back to business. No one wants to use a dead man's home. 1121 00:59:59,960 --> 01:00:05,080 At least not until it's been cleared, so he disguises himself, 1122 01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:07,360 steals the man's home, steals his identity. 1123 01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:08,880 But only for one night. 1124 01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:11,560 - And he's gone. - He's not a ghost, John. 1125 01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:13,920 He's a mayfly. He lives for a day. 1126 01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:19,000 So what was it he was looking for? 1127 01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:20,240 Job? 1128 01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:21,440 -Gardenel -cook. 1129 01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:23,000 - Private nurse. - I do security work. 1130 01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:24,320 Maid. 1131 01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:27,480 Obvious. You all work for the same person. 1132 01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:43,960 No, no. Not the same employer. 1133 01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:45,680 Damn! Come on, we can do this. 1134 01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:47,560 Ideal night out? 1135 01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:49,440 - Clay pigeon shooting. - Line dancing. 1136 01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:51,720 - Pictures. - Wine in front of the telly. 1137 01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:53,240 Dungeon. 1138 01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:57,120 - Ma keup? - Cla rins. 1139 01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:58,840 - No7. - Maybelline. 1140 01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:01,080 - Nothing special. - Whatever's cheap. 1141 01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:02,920 Perfume? 1142 01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:04,480 -Chanel -Chanel 1143 01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:06,240 -Chanel -Chanel 1144 01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:07,480 estée lauder. 1145 01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:09,960 Ideal man? 1146 01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:12,120 - George Clooney. - Oh, no. 1147 01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:13,240 Home-loving. 1148 01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:14,600 He'd have to like cuddling. 1149 01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:16,240 Caring. 1150 01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:17,520 Ten things. 1151 01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:19,600 One, someone who isn't competitive with other men. 1152 01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:24,840 Two, someone who isn't constantly trying to define himself by his masculinity. 1153 01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:29,120 There's a unifying factor, there has to be. 1154 01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:31,760 None of you reported anything stolen. 1155 01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:35,000 Security guard, gardener, cook, 1156 01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:37,040 maid, private nurse. 1157 01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:38,616 He's romancing his way up the pecking order, 1158 01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:40,440 somebody's pecking order. Come on, think. 1159 01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:41,800 Unless... 1160 01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:45,136 Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? 1161 01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,240 Women: No. 1162 01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:48,400 - Gotcha. - What do you mean? 1163 01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:50,760 Everyone has secrets and they all replied too quickly. 1164 01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:52,360 - Got to go. - See you. 1165 01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:53,640 - No, wait. - Bye-bye. 1166 01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:56,280 Sorry, sexy, some secrets have to stay secret. 1167 01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:58,160 Enjoy the wedding. 1168 01:01:58,240 --> 01:01:59,320 Yeah. 1169 01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:02,640 Why? Why would he date all of those women 1170 01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:03,920 and not return their calls? 1171 01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:05,480 You're missing the obvious, mate. 1172 01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:07,320 - —Am I? - He's a man. 1173 01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:10,000 Why would he change his identity? 1174 01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:11,440 Maybe he's married. 1175 01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:16,040 Married. 1176 01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:17,880 Obvious, really. 1177 01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:21,040 Our mayfly man was trying to escape the suffocating chains of domesticity 1178 01:02:21,120 --> 01:02:22,816 and instead of endless nights in watching the telly 1179 01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:24,496 or going to barbeques with the awful, dreadful, 1180 01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:25,800 boring people he couldn't stand, 1181 01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:28,120 he used his wits, cleverness and powers of disguise 1182 01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:29,200 to play the field. 1183 01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:30,280 He was... 1184 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,560 On second thoughts, 1185 01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:38,120 I probably should have told you about the elephant in the room. 1186 01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:40,200 However, it does help to further illustrate 1187 01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:42,440 how invaluablejohn is to me. 1188 01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:45,856 I can read a crime scene the way he can understand a human being. 1189 01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:47,536 I used to think that's what made me special. 1190 01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:49,880 Quite frankly, I still do. But a word to the wise. 1191 01:02:49,960 --> 01:02:52,960 Should any of you require the services of either of us, 1192 01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:54,840 I will solve your murder 1193 01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,480 but it takesjohn Watson to save your life. 1194 01:02:57,720 --> 01:02:58,816 Trust me on that. I should know. 1195 01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:01,400 He's saved mine so many times and in so many ways. 1196 01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:05,200 This blog 1197 01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:10,880 is the story of two men and their frankly ridiculous adventures. 1198 01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:14,480 - —(Guests chuckling) - Of murder, mystery and mayhem. 1199 01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:18,800 But from now on, there's a new story. 1200 01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:21,920 A bigger adventure. 1201 01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:25,440 Ladies and gentlemen, 1202 01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:28,040 pray charge your glasses and be upstanding. 1203 01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:33,520 Today begin the adventures of Mary Elizabeth Watson 1204 01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:35,280 and John Hamish Watson. 1205 01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:36,480 (Giggling) 1206 01:03:36,560 --> 01:03:39,280 The two reasons why every single one of us is... 1207 01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:42,000 (Shutter clicking) 1208 01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:44,920 (Shutter clicking) 1209 01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:50,280 (Shutter clicking) 1210 01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:59,440 What did you say? 1211 01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:01,880 You said, 1212 01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:05,000 "John Hamish Watson." 1213 01:04:05,080 --> 01:04:07,320 You said that, you said Hamish. 1214 01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:10,480 This is a famous detective, it's Sherlock Holmes 1215 01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:12,600 and his partner, John Hamish Watson. 1216 01:04:12,680 --> 01:04:15,360 How did you know? 1217 01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:17,720 How did you know his middle name? 1218 01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:19,400 Never tells anyone, he hates it. 1219 01:04:23,480 --> 01:04:24,960 John h Watson? 1220 01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:27,080 Yep. 1221 01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:35,160 - Henry? - Shut up. 1222 01:04:36,120 --> 01:04:37,840 - Humphrey? - Shut up. 1223 01:04:38,440 --> 01:04:40,000 (Shower running) 1224 01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:42,920 - Higgins? - John: Go away! 1225 01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:46,000 Took him years to confide in me. 1226 01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:47,360 (Sighing) 1227 01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:50,320 That's my birth certificate. 1228 01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:51,480 Yep. 1229 01:04:56,640 --> 01:04:58,240 And the woman, she knew. 1230 01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:03,440 Hamish. (Clearing th roat) 1231 01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:05,080 John Hamish Watson. 1232 01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:08,120 Just if you were looking for baby names. 1233 01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:10,360 God knows where she is. 1234 01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:16,840 Out of my head, I am busy! 1235 01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:20,680 There's only one time that name's been made public. 1236 01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:22,920 John: Does it have to be on the invitation? 1237 01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:24,480 It's your name. 1238 01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:26,600 - It's traditional. - It's fu n NY. 1239 01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:31,320 Tessa: Enjoy the wedding. 1240 01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:36,880 Enjoy the wedding. 1241 01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:38,360 The wedding! 1242 01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:39,496 You knew about the wedding. 1243 01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:41,840 More importantly, you'd seen the wedding invitation. 1244 01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:43,896 Now, barely a hundred people had seen that invitation. 1245 01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:45,880 The mayfly man only saw five women. 1246 01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:47,480 For one person to be in both groups... 1247 01:05:48,920 --> 01:05:50,120 Could be a coincidence. 1248 01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:51,880 Mycrofi': Oh, Sherlock. 1249 01:05:52,280 --> 01:05:54,040 What do we say about coincidence? 1250 01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:55,600 The universe is rarely so lazy. 1251 01:05:55,680 --> 01:05:57,680 So, the balance of probability is... 1252 01:05:57,760 --> 01:05:58,816 Someone went to great lengths 1253 01:05:58,840 --> 01:05:59,936 to find out something about this wedding. 1254 01:05:59,960 --> 01:06:02,800 - What great lengths? - They lied. Assumed false identities. 1255 01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:04,880 - Which suggests? - Criminal intent. 1256 01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:07,480 - Also suggests... - Intelligence. Planning. 1257 01:06:07,560 --> 01:06:09,880 Clearly. But more importantly... 1258 01:06:11,880 --> 01:06:12,920 The mayfly man. 1259 01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:15,360 The mayfly man is... 1260 01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:17,320 Here today. —(Glass sha'i'i'ering) 1261 01:06:17,680 --> 01:06:18,800 Ooh, sorry, I... 1262 01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:21,680 (Clearing th roat) 1263 01:06:21,760 --> 01:06:22,840 Waiter: Another glass, sir? 1264 01:06:22,960 --> 01:06:24,200 Thank you, yes. Thank you, yes. 1265 01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:27,120 Something is going to happen, right here. 1266 01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:31,320 Now, where were we? 1267 01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:32,440 Could be any second. 1268 01:06:36,200 --> 01:06:37,480 You have control of the room. 1269 01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:40,160 Ah, yes, raising glasses and standing up. 1270 01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:42,200 Very good, thank you. 1271 01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:43,640 Don't lose it. 1272 01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:45,680 And down again. 1273 01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:47,560 (Guests muttering) 1274 01:06:54,160 --> 01:06:57,680 Ladies and gentlemen, people tell you not to milk a good speech. 1275 01:06:57,760 --> 01:06:59,720 Get off early, leave them laughing. 1276 01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:05,280 Wise advice I'll certainly try to bear in mind but for now... 1277 01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:09,320 Part two! Part two is more action-based. 1278 01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:12,720 I'm going to walk around, shake things up a bit. 1279 01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,160 Who'd go to a wedding? That's the question. 1280 01:07:16,240 --> 01:07:20,480 Who would bother to go to any lengths to get themselves to a wedding? 1281 01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:24,200 Well, everyone. 1282 01:07:24,280 --> 01:07:25,880 Weddings are great! Love a wedding. 1283 01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:27,760 - What's he doing? - Something's wrong. 1284 01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:29,280 And John's great, too. 1285 01:07:29,360 --> 01:07:31,920 I haven't said that enough, barely scratched the surface. 1286 01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:36,840 I could go on all night about the depth and complexity of his... 1287 01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:39,320 - Woman: Jumpers. - Jumpers, and he can cook... 1288 01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:42,160 Does a thing, 1289 01:07:42,520 --> 01:07:45,280 thing with peas... once. 1290 01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:47,000 Might not be peas, might not be him. 1291 01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:50,040 But he's got a great singing voice or somebody does... 1292 01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:52,640 Too many, too many, too many, too many! 1293 01:07:53,640 --> 01:07:55,480 Sorry, too manyjokes aboutjohn. 1294 01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:57,880 Now, uh... 1295 01:07:58,280 --> 01:07:59,360 Criminal intent. 1296 01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:01,080 Where was I? Ah, yes. 1297 01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:02,960 Extraordinary lengths. 1298 01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:04,600 Speech! Speech. 1299 01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:06,360 Let's talk about... 1300 01:08:06,440 --> 01:08:08,880 All of which is suggestive of... 1301 01:08:10,480 --> 01:08:11,480 -Murder. —(Groaning) 1302 01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:14,120 Sorry, did I say "murder"? I meant to say "marriage". 1303 01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:15,880 But, you know, they're... 1304 01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:18,320 Quite similar procedures, when you think about it, 1305 01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:22,600 the participants tend to know each other and it's over when one of them's dead. 1306 01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:24,480 In fairness, murder is a lot quicker, though. 1307 01:08:24,560 --> 01:08:26,320 Janine, what about this one? Acceptably hot? 1308 01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:29,016 More importantly, his girlfriend's wearing brand-new, uncomfortable underwear 1309 01:08:29,040 --> 01:08:31,456 and hasn't bothered to pick this thread off of the top of his jacket 1310 01:08:31,480 --> 01:08:33,216 or point out the grease smudge on the back of his neck. 1311 01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:35,976 Currently, he's going home alone. Also, he's a comics and Sci-Fi geek, 1312 01:08:36,000 --> 01:08:38,176 they're always tremendously grateful when you put the hours in. 1313 01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:40,520 - —(Gasps) - Geoff, the gents. 1314 01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:43,160 - The loos, now, please. - Greg. 1315 01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:44,296 - The loos, please. - —(Mobile beeps) 1316 01:08:44,320 --> 01:08:46,920 - Why? - Oh, I don't know, maybe it's your turn. 1317 01:08:47,360 --> 01:08:49,120 Yeah, actually, now you mention it... 1318 01:08:49,520 --> 01:08:51,960 John: Sherlock, any chance of an end date 1319 01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:53,720 for this speech? Gotta cut the cake. 1320 01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:56,240 Oh! Ladies and gentlemen, 1321 01:08:56,320 --> 01:08:58,736 can't stand it when I finally get the chance to speak for once, 1322 01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:01,280 - Vatican cameos. - What did he say? What does that mean? 1323 01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:03,720 Battle stations, someone's going to die. 1324 01:09:03,800 --> 01:09:04,920 What? 1325 01:09:06,080 --> 01:09:07,120 Narrow it down. 1326 01:09:07,800 --> 01:09:09,000 Narrow it down. 1327 01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:11,960 Narrow it down. 1328 01:09:13,880 --> 01:09:16,400 No! Not you, not you. 1329 01:09:17,440 --> 01:09:18,440 You. 1330 01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:21,320 It's always you. 1331 01:09:21,400 --> 01:09:23,600 John Watson, you keep me right. 1332 01:09:25,600 --> 01:09:28,000 - What do I do? - You've already done it. 1333 01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:31,160 Don't solve the murder, save the life. 1334 01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:33,000 (Inhaling) Sorry. 1335 01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:35,240 Off-piste a bit, back now, phew! 1336 01:09:35,560 --> 01:09:38,120 Let's play a game. Let's play murder. 1337 01:09:39,360 --> 01:09:41,000 Mrs Hudson: Sherlock! 1338 01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:44,400 Imagine someone's going to get murdered at a wedding. 1339 01:09:44,480 --> 01:09:45,720 Who exactly would you pick? 1340 01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:47,920 I think you're a popular choice at the moment, dear. 1341 01:09:48,040 --> 01:09:50,296 If someone could move mrs Hudson's glass just slightly out of reach, 1342 01:09:50,320 --> 01:09:51,920 that would be lovely. 1343 01:09:52,000 --> 01:09:55,760 More importantly, who could you only kill at a wedding? 1344 01:09:57,800 --> 01:09:59,360 Most people you can kill any old place. 1345 01:09:59,400 --> 01:10:01,160 As a mental exercise, I have often planned 1346 01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:02,760 the murder of friends and colleagues. 1347 01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:06,520 Now, John I'd poison. Sloppy eater, dead easy. 1348 01:10:06,600 --> 01:10:09,176 I've given him chemicals and compounds that way, he's never even noticed. 1349 01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:10,816 He missed a whole Wednesday once, didn't have a clue. 1350 01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:11,920 Lestrade's so easy to kill, 1351 01:10:11,960 --> 01:10:13,496 it's a miracle no one's succumbed to the temptation. 1352 01:10:13,520 --> 01:10:14,776 I've got a pair of keys to my brother's house, 1353 01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:16,536 I could easily break in there and asphyxiate him... 1354 01:10:16,560 --> 01:10:18,040 If the whim arose. 1355 01:10:18,120 --> 01:10:20,000 He's pissed, isn't he? Ow! 1356 01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:23,920 So, once again, who could you only kill here? 1357 01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:25,696 Clearly, it's a rare opportunity, 1358 01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:27,320 so it's someone who doesn't get out much. 1359 01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:29,096 Someone for whom a planned social encounter 1360 01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:31,640 known about months in advance is an exception. 1361 01:10:31,720 --> 01:10:33,800 Has to be a unique opportunity. 1362 01:10:35,120 --> 01:10:37,480 And since killing someone in public is difficult, 1363 01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:39,440 killing them in private isn't an option. 1364 01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:42,640 Someone who lives in an inaccessible or unknown location, then. 1365 01:10:42,720 --> 01:10:44,640 Someone private, perhaps, 1366 01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:47,040 obsessed with personal security... 1367 01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:49,920 - —(Beeping) - Possibly someone under threat. 1368 01:10:54,600 --> 01:10:55,800 Majorjames sholto, who he? 1369 01:10:55,880 --> 01:10:57,760 - I don't think he's coming. - He'll be there. 1370 01:10:57,840 --> 01:10:59,760 - Where are you living these days? - —oh, 1371 01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:01,160 way out in the middle of nowhere. 1372 01:11:01,800 --> 01:11:03,336 The press and the family's giving him hell, 1373 01:11:03,360 --> 01:11:04,800 he gets more death threats than you. 1374 01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:08,680 Oh, a recluse? 1375 01:11:09,400 --> 01:11:10,720 Small household staff. 1376 01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:12,840 - Dob? - Gardener, cook, private nurse, maid. 1377 01:11:12,920 --> 01:11:14,720 High turnover for additional security. 1378 01:11:14,800 --> 01:11:15,800 I do security work. 1379 01:11:15,880 --> 01:11:17,720 Probably all signed confidentiality agreements. 1380 01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:19,256 Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? 1381 01:11:19,280 --> 01:11:21,256 - All: No. - There's another question that remains, 1382 01:11:21,280 --> 01:11:22,960 however, rather a big one, a huge one. 1383 01:11:23,040 --> 01:11:25,016 How would you do it? How do you kill someone in public? 1384 01:11:25,040 --> 01:11:26,240 There has to be a way. 1385 01:11:26,320 --> 01:11:28,520 - This has been planned. - Mr Holmes, mr Holmes! 1386 01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:29,976 Oh, hello again, Archie. What's your theory? 1387 01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:31,776 Get this right and there's a headless nun in it for you. 1388 01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:33,080 The invisible man could do it. 1389 01:11:33,160 --> 01:11:34,576 The who, the what, the when, the why, the where? 1390 01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:36,280 The invisible man with the invisible knife, 1391 01:11:36,560 --> 01:11:38,160 the one who tried to kill the guardsman. 1392 01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:57,920 Bainbridge? Bainbridge! 1393 01:12:05,240 --> 01:12:08,120 Oh, not just planned, planned and rehearsed. 1394 01:12:10,520 --> 01:12:13,120 Ladies and gentlemen, there will now be a short interlude. 1395 01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:14,760 To the bride and groom! 1396 01:12:16,560 --> 01:12:18,800 Guests: To the bride and the groom. 1397 01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:20,736 Major sholto's going to be murdered. 1398 01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:22,840 I don't know how or by whom but it's going to happen. 1399 01:12:23,160 --> 01:12:26,080 Excuse me, coming through, consulting. 1400 01:12:26,160 --> 01:12:27,840 - Stay here. - Please be careful. 1401 01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:29,960 Excuse me, coming through. 1402 01:12:30,040 --> 01:12:31,880 Excuse me. 1403 01:12:32,600 --> 01:12:35,760 Sorry, one moment. Oh, I'm so sorry. 1404 01:12:35,920 --> 01:12:38,040 What's happening? What's going on? 1405 01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:04,120 How can you not remember which room? You remember everything! 1406 01:13:04,200 --> 01:13:06,240 - I have to delete something! - —207! 1407 01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:14,560 (Knocking) 1408 01:13:14,640 --> 01:13:15,960 Major sholto? 1409 01:13:16,040 --> 01:13:17,240 Major sholto? 1410 01:13:18,920 --> 01:13:20,200 Major sholto! 1411 01:13:20,280 --> 01:13:22,136 If someone's about to make an attempt on my life, 1412 01:13:22,160 --> 01:13:24,560 it won't be the first time. I'm ready. 1413 01:13:24,640 --> 01:13:26,320 Major, let us in! 1414 01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:28,360 - Kick the door down. - Sholto: I really wouldn't. 1415 01:13:28,880 --> 01:13:32,400 I have a gun in my hand and a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes. 1416 01:13:32,480 --> 01:13:34,216 You're not safe in there. Whoever's after you, 1417 01:13:34,240 --> 01:13:35,856 we know that a locked room doesn't stop him. 1418 01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:37,920 The invisible man with the invisible knife? 1419 01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:39,456 I don't know how he does it so I can't stop him 1420 01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:40,616 and that means he'll do it again. 1421 01:13:40,640 --> 01:13:41,640 Solve it, then. 1422 01:13:41,760 --> 01:13:43,440 I... I'm sorry? 1423 01:13:43,520 --> 01:13:46,640 Sholto: You're the famous mr Holmes. Solve the case, on you go. 1424 01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:49,200 Tell me how he did it and I'll open the door. 1425 01:13:49,280 --> 01:13:53,080 Please, this is no time for games. Just let us in, you're in danger! 1426 01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:54,640 So are you, so long as you're here. 1427 01:13:54,720 --> 01:13:56,360 Please, leave me. 1428 01:13:57,680 --> 01:14:00,920 Despite my reputation, I really don't approve of collateral damage. 1429 01:14:01,280 --> 01:14:02,840 - Solve it. - Sorry? 1430 01:14:02,920 --> 01:14:04,216 Solve it and he'll open the door, like he said. 1431 01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:05,816 I couldn't solve it before, how can I solve it now? 1432 01:14:05,840 --> 01:14:07,536 - Because it matters now! - What are you talking about? 1433 01:14:07,560 --> 01:14:09,256 What's she talking about? Get your wife under control. 1434 01:14:09,280 --> 01:14:10,320 John: She's right. 1435 01:14:10,400 --> 01:14:12,720 - Oh, you've changed. - No, she is. Shut up. 1436 01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:15,080 You are not a puzzle solver, you never have been. 1437 01:14:15,160 --> 01:14:17,616 You're a drama queen. Now, there is a man in there about to die, 1438 01:14:17,640 --> 01:14:19,240 the game is on, solve it! 1439 01:14:25,440 --> 01:14:26,440 (Clin king) 1440 01:14:26,640 --> 01:14:28,120 (Sizzling) 1441 01:14:35,320 --> 01:14:36,456 - —(Shower running) - Bainbridge? 1442 01:14:36,480 --> 01:14:37,800 (Knocking) 1443 01:14:39,520 --> 01:14:40,520 Bainbridge! 1444 01:14:43,200 --> 01:14:44,200 Though, in fairness, 1445 01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:45,616 - he's a drama queen, too. - Yeah, I know. 1446 01:14:45,640 --> 01:14:47,720 Major sholto, no one's coming to kill you. 1447 01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:50,120 I'm afraid you've already been killed several hours ago. 1448 01:14:51,480 --> 01:14:53,560 - What did you say? - Don't take off your belt. 1449 01:14:54,080 --> 01:14:55,120 My belt? 1450 01:14:55,440 --> 01:14:56,440 His belt, yes. 1451 01:14:56,520 --> 01:14:58,640 Bainbridge was stabbed hours before we even saw him, 1452 01:14:58,720 --> 01:15:00,320 -but it was through his belt. —(Clicking) 1453 01:15:00,360 --> 01:15:01,960 Tight belt, worn high on the waist. 1454 01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:04,040 Very easy to push a small blade through the fabric, 1455 01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:05,280 and you wouldn't even feel it. 1456 01:15:05,320 --> 01:15:07,240 The belt would bind the flesh together 1457 01:15:07,320 --> 01:15:08,376 - when it was tight. - Exactly. 1458 01:15:08,400 --> 01:15:10,416 - And when you took it off... - Delayed action stabbing. 1459 01:15:10,440 --> 01:15:12,600 All the time in the world to create an alibi. 1460 01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:13,760 Major sholto! 1461 01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:20,400 I was to be killed by my uniform. 1462 01:15:21,320 --> 01:15:22,800 How appropriate. 1463 01:15:25,800 --> 01:15:28,840 He solved the case, major, you're supposed to open the door now. 1464 01:15:28,920 --> 01:15:29,920 A deal is a deal. 1465 01:15:30,200 --> 01:15:32,000 I'm not even supposed to have this any more. 1466 01:15:32,080 --> 01:15:34,200 They gave me special dispensation to keep it. 1467 01:15:34,840 --> 01:15:37,000 I couldn't imagine life out of this uniform, 1468 01:15:37,080 --> 01:15:39,360 I suppose, given the circumstances, I don't have to. 1469 01:15:42,520 --> 01:15:46,200 When so many want you dead, it hardly seems good manners to argue. 1470 01:15:51,240 --> 01:15:54,600 Whatever you're doing in there, James, stop it right now. 1471 01:15:54,680 --> 01:15:56,120 I will kick this door down. 1472 01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:58,640 Sholto: Mr Holmes, you and I are similar, I think. 1473 01:15:58,720 --> 01:16:00,160 Yes, I think we are. 1474 01:16:00,240 --> 01:16:02,000 There's a proper time to die, isn't there? 1475 01:16:02,080 --> 01:16:03,080 Of course there is. 1476 01:16:03,160 --> 01:16:05,280 And one should embrace it when it comes. 1477 01:16:07,200 --> 01:16:08,200 Like a soldier. 1478 01:16:08,280 --> 01:16:11,000 Of course one should but not atjohn's wedding! 1479 01:16:12,720 --> 01:16:16,240 We wouldn't do that, would we, you and me? 1480 01:16:16,800 --> 01:16:20,600 We would never do that to John Watson. 1481 01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:27,720 - I'm going to break it down. - Wait, wait, you won't have to. 1482 01:16:34,560 --> 01:16:36,880 I believe I am in need of medical attention. 1483 01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:39,720 I believe I'm your doctor. 1484 01:16:46,680 --> 01:16:49,200 (Classical waltz playing) 1485 01:16:52,920 --> 01:16:54,200 (Humming) 1486 01:16:56,680 --> 01:16:58,440 Yeah, pretty good, just... 1487 01:16:58,520 --> 01:17:01,320 - Hold your nerve when you're turning. - Why do we have to rehearse? 1488 01:17:01,400 --> 01:17:03,840 Because we are about to dance together in public 1489 01:17:03,920 --> 01:17:05,160 and your skills are appalling. 1490 01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:06,560 (Laughing) 1491 01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:09,000 - Well, you're a good teacher. - Hmm. 1492 01:17:09,080 --> 01:17:10,480 And you're a brilliant dancer. 1493 01:17:11,240 --> 01:17:14,120 - I'll let you in on something, Janine. - Go on, then. 1494 01:17:14,480 --> 01:17:16,960 - I love dancing. I've always loved it. - Seriously? 1495 01:17:17,040 --> 01:17:18,040 Watch out. 1496 01:17:23,920 --> 01:17:25,736 (Clearing throat) That rarely comes up in crime work 1497 01:17:25,760 --> 01:17:27,640 but, you know, I live in hope of the right case. 1498 01:17:28,040 --> 01:17:29,800 (Sighing) I wish you weren't... 1499 01:17:31,280 --> 01:17:33,000 Whatever it is you are. 1500 01:17:33,560 --> 01:17:34,920 - I know. - Well! 1501 01:17:35,240 --> 01:17:36,720 Glad to see you've pulled, Sherlock, 1502 01:17:36,800 --> 01:17:38,640 what with murderers running riot at my wedding. 1503 01:17:38,720 --> 01:17:41,480 One murder... one nearly murderer. He loves to exaggerate. 1504 01:17:41,560 --> 01:17:42,800 You should try living with him. 1505 01:17:43,160 --> 01:17:44,200 Sherlock. 1506 01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:48,120 - Got him for you. - Ah! The photographer, excellent. 1507 01:17:48,360 --> 01:17:51,400 Thank you. Um, mayl have a look at your camera? 1508 01:17:52,160 --> 01:17:54,800 Uh, what's this about? I was halfway home. 1509 01:17:55,160 --> 01:17:56,920 - You should have driven faster. - —(Beeping) 1510 01:17:57,480 --> 01:18:00,360 Ah, yes. Yes! Very good! 1511 01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:03,720 There, you see? Perfect. 1512 01:18:03,800 --> 01:18:06,040 What is? You going to tell us? 1513 01:18:06,560 --> 01:18:07,760 Try looking yourself. 1514 01:18:08,320 --> 01:18:09,840 Who? For what? 1515 01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:12,736 Is the murderer in these photographs? 1516 01:18:12,760 --> 01:18:15,320 It's not what's in the photographs, it's what's not in them. 1517 01:18:15,400 --> 01:18:16,520 Not in any of them. 1518 01:18:16,600 --> 01:18:19,800 Sherlock, the showing-off thing, we've discussed it before. 1519 01:18:22,000 --> 01:18:25,640 There is always a man at a wedding who is not in any photograph, 1520 01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:27,400 who can go anywhere, 1521 01:18:27,480 --> 01:18:30,000 even carry an equipment bag around with him if he likes. 1522 01:18:30,280 --> 01:18:32,520 And you never even see his face. 1523 01:18:32,600 --> 01:18:33,640 You only ever see... 1524 01:18:42,400 --> 01:18:43,640 The camera. 1525 01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:45,040 What are you doing? What is this? 1526 01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:47,840 Jonathan small, today's substitute wedding photographer, 1527 01:18:47,920 --> 01:18:50,120 known to us as the mayfly man. 1528 01:18:50,640 --> 01:18:54,240 His brother was one of the raw recruits killed in that incursion. 1529 01:18:54,800 --> 01:18:56,360 Johnny sought revenge on sholto, 1530 01:18:56,440 --> 01:19:00,040 worked his way through sholto's staff, found what he needed. 1531 01:19:00,560 --> 01:19:02,440 An invitation to a wedding. 1532 01:19:02,520 --> 01:19:05,200 The one time sholto would have to be out in public. 1533 01:19:05,280 --> 01:19:07,080 So, he made his plan 1534 01:19:07,360 --> 01:19:09,400 and rehearsed the murder, 1535 01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:13,000 making sure of every last detail. 1536 01:19:26,440 --> 01:19:29,440 Brilliant, ruthless and almost certainly a monomaniac. 1537 01:19:29,520 --> 01:19:31,920 Though, in fairness, his photographs are actually quite good. 1538 01:19:32,040 --> 01:19:33,320 Everything you need's on that. 1539 01:19:33,720 --> 01:19:36,160 You probably ought to arrest him or something. 1540 01:19:37,600 --> 01:19:39,560 - Do you always carry handcuffs? - Down, girl. 1541 01:19:39,640 --> 01:19:40,640 Come on, quick. 1542 01:19:41,200 --> 01:19:42,896 It's not me you should be arresting, mr Holmes. 1543 01:19:42,920 --> 01:19:45,520 Oh, I don't do the arresting, I just farm that out. 1544 01:19:45,600 --> 01:19:47,600 Sholto, he's the killer, not me. 1545 01:19:48,640 --> 01:19:50,120 I should have killed him quicker. 1546 01:19:52,920 --> 01:19:55,040 I shouldn't have tried to be clever. 1547 01:19:55,720 --> 01:19:57,720 You should have driven faster. 1548 01:20:07,320 --> 01:20:08,480 Right. 1549 01:20:09,680 --> 01:20:11,280 (Violin playing) 1550 01:21:12,360 --> 01:21:13,800 (Gasps) Really? 1551 01:21:13,880 --> 01:21:15,480 (Both laughing) 1552 01:21:16,680 --> 01:21:19,080 Whoo! Yeah! 1553 01:21:19,840 --> 01:21:21,680 Whoo! 1554 01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:29,320 Ladies and gentlemen, just one last thing 1555 01:21:29,400 --> 01:21:31,000 before the evening begins properly. 1556 01:21:31,080 --> 01:21:34,720 Apologies for earlier, a crisis arose and was dealt with. 1557 01:21:35,560 --> 01:21:38,880 More importantly, however, today we saw two people make vows. 1558 01:21:38,960 --> 01:21:41,800 I have never made a vow in my life and after tonight I never will again. 1559 01:21:41,840 --> 01:21:46,280 So, here in front of you all, my first and last vow. 1560 01:21:47,160 --> 01:21:48,520 Mary and John... 1561 01:21:49,840 --> 01:21:52,360 Whatever it takes, whatever happens, 1562 01:21:53,280 --> 01:21:57,880 from now on, I swear I will always be there, always, 1563 01:21:57,960 --> 01:21:59,720 for all three of you. 1564 01:21:59,800 --> 01:22:02,320 Uh, I'm sorry, I mean two of you. All two of you. 1565 01:22:02,400 --> 01:22:04,160 Both of you, in fact, I just miscounted. 1566 01:22:04,240 --> 01:22:07,720 Anyway, it's time for dancing. Play the music again, please. Thank you. 1567 01:22:07,800 --> 01:22:09,960 Okay everybody, just dance. Don't be shy. 1568 01:22:10,080 --> 01:22:12,536 - (December 7963 (oh what? ta night) Plays) - Dancing, please! Very good! 1569 01:22:12,560 --> 01:22:14,776 Sorry, that was one more deduction than I was really expecting. 1570 01:22:14,800 --> 01:22:16,520 - Deduction? - Increased appetite. 1571 01:22:16,600 --> 01:22:18,560 - I'm starving! - Change of taste perception. 1572 01:22:18,640 --> 01:22:20,840 Ugh, I chose this wine. It's bloody awful! 1573 01:22:20,920 --> 01:22:23,720 You were sick this morning. You assumed it was just wedding nerves. 1574 01:22:23,800 --> 01:22:25,720 You got angry with me when I mentioned it to you. 1575 01:22:25,800 --> 01:22:27,320 All the signs are there. 1576 01:22:27,520 --> 01:22:28,600 The signs? 1577 01:22:30,080 --> 01:22:32,160 -The signs of three. —what? 1578 01:22:32,840 --> 01:22:34,840 Mary, I think you should do a pregnancy test. 1579 01:22:35,920 --> 01:22:37,160 (Sherlock mumbles) 1580 01:22:37,240 --> 01:22:39,280 The statistics for the first trimester are... 1581 01:22:39,360 --> 01:22:40,440 Shut up! 1582 01:22:41,520 --> 01:22:43,720 - Just shut up. - Sorry. 1583 01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:47,320 How did he notice before me? I'm a bloody doctor. 1584 01:22:47,400 --> 01:22:48,816 - It's your day off. - It's your day off! 1585 01:22:48,840 --> 01:22:50,056 - Stop panicking. - I'm not panicking. 1586 01:22:50,080 --> 01:22:51,400 I'm pregnant, I'm panicking. 1587 01:22:51,480 --> 01:22:53,440 Don't panic. None of you panic. 1588 01:22:54,560 --> 01:22:56,040 Absolutely no reason to panic. 1589 01:22:56,520 --> 01:22:58,720 - Oh, and you'd know, of course? - Yes, I would. 1590 01:22:58,800 --> 01:23:00,256 You're already the best parents in the world, 1591 01:23:00,280 --> 01:23:01,536 look at all the practice you've had. 1592 01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:02,560 The practice? 1593 01:23:02,640 --> 01:23:03,856 Well, you're hardly going to need me around 1594 01:23:03,880 --> 01:23:05,720 now that you've got a real baby on the way. 1595 01:23:14,080 --> 01:23:15,920 - John: Are you all right? - Yeah! 1596 01:23:22,960 --> 01:23:24,240 - Dance! - Hmm? 1597 01:23:24,320 --> 01:23:26,400 Both of you now, go, dance. We can't just stand here, 1598 01:23:26,480 --> 01:23:28,136 people will wonder what we're talking about. 1599 01:23:28,160 --> 01:23:29,960 - Right. - What about you? 1600 01:23:30,040 --> 01:23:31,616 Well, we can't all three dance, there are limits. 1601 01:23:31,640 --> 01:23:33,800 - Yes, there are. - —(Clearing throat) 1602 01:23:33,880 --> 01:23:35,200 Come on, husband, let's go. 1603 01:23:35,440 --> 01:23:37,040 - This isn't a waltz, is it? - No. 1604 01:23:37,480 --> 01:23:39,016 Don't worry, Mary, I have been tutoring him. 1605 01:23:39,040 --> 01:23:40,976 He did, you know. Baker Street, behind closed curtains. 1606 01:23:41,000 --> 01:23:44,400 Mrs Hudson came in one time. Don't know how those rumours started.