1 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:10,284 Kidney function, liver function, testosterone... 2 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,481 I don't know how you did it, 3 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,206 but you have essentially aged 40 years in the last seven weeks. 4 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:16,645 Wow. Really? 5 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,529 We had a meth addict in here this morning 6 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,843 who was biologically younger than you are, and he's 58. 7 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,091 MySpace guy. 8 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,245 So what is going on? 9 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:27,647 Uh... 10 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,007 It's this cloud service configuration, 11 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,765 - I've been stuck on it for over a week. - Wow. 12 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,525 I'm a good programmer. I mean, it's the only thing I am good at. 13 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,489 I mean, last year, I threw a Frisbee and I chipped my tooth. 14 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:38,925 Oh, that's more of a dental issue. 15 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,411 Yup, okay, I... 16 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:44,121 The point is, I learned Ruby on Rails over a weekend when I was 17. 17 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,521 I should be able to learn cloud, I have to. 18 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,001 May I give you my professional opinion, as your doctor? 19 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:53,363 You should have taken that $10 million from Gavin Belson, okay? 20 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,611 But regrets will kill ya, so try not to dwell on it. 21 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,284 I tried to tell you. 22 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,563 Outside help? No, we're not getting any outside help. 23 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,530 It's a week until TechCrunch, Richard. We can't wait any longer. 24 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,523 Richard, look at the board. 25 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:22,401 Okay, cloud architecture is just a giant turd that is clogging up our pipes. 26 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,608 We have to call in a plumber to fix it. 27 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,763 Okay, I hate that metaphor, but Erlich is right. 28 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,810 Gilfoyle and I finished the distribution services days ago 29 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,530 and we're just sitting around waiting for you. 30 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,843 - I can solve it. - Richard, you're a fucking rock star, okay? 31 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:37,729 You just don't know cloud, 32 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:42,522 this tiny, little, shitty area, which is becoming super important, 33 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,682 and in many ways is the future of computing. 34 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,929 That sort of went south on me, but you understand what I'm saying. 35 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,890 I've already talked to Peter Gregory about insourcing a consultant. 36 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,691 I've made contact with a programmer whose cloud architecture 37 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,929 is supposed to be insane. They call him The Carver. 38 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,126 The Carver? 39 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,404 That Black Hat guy who apparently hacked into the Bank of America 40 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,562 and took down their entire system, that The Carver? 41 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,051 We should get him if we can. 42 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:14,482 Okay, we can talk to the guy, but, I mean, he's really gonna have to sell me. 43 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,406 Six months ago, these guys had $35 million 44 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:25,811 and Series B financing. 45 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,884 Now The Carver's here doing teardown. 46 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,321 He's basically moving their carcass to the cloud. 47 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,324 Don't touch anything. Failure is contagious. 48 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,410 I think that's him. 49 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,330 Excuse me, Mr. Carver? 50 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:51,490 Yeah, uh, people refer to me as The Carver, 51 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:55,007 but no one actually calls me that. It's, uh, what people call a screen name. 52 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,606 You know. I'm Kevin. 53 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:01,765 Okay, Kevin, um, we're from Pied Piper, we spoke earlier. 54 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,366 - Yeah, so you guys are fucked, huh? - No. No, we're not fucked. 55 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:05,805 Yes, we are totally fucked. 56 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,201 We have a live demo in one week and our cloud is in the shitter. 57 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,521 - That's accurate. - Wait, are you Richard? 58 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:12,891 Yes, I am. 59 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:17,045 Yeah, your, uh, algorithm is solid. It's a really good schema. 60 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,849 Okay, thanks. 61 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,362 I did think you'd be younger. What are you, 25? 62 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:23,646 I'm 26. 63 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:24,926 Yikes. 64 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:29,689 Uh, so I have a Model UN thing on Monday, 65 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,127 but maybe I could burn through your gig over the weekend. 66 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:36,649 Mmm. You think you can do our whole job in two days? 67 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,961 I know I can do it in two days. 68 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:42,522 I pound Mello Yello, Oreos and Adderall and I don't sleep until I'm done. 69 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,768 Okay. 70 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,171 But you know what? I also have an offer 71 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:47,844 to do some migration at Gittawonk this weekend. 72 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:52,164 It's, uh... It's kind of chill, and frankly, their tech's a little stronger. 73 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,322 Whoa. What? What? 74 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,927 You think Gittawonk's tech is stronger than ours? 75 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,651 I'm sorry, I don't remember reading in PandoDaily 76 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,764 that Gavin Belson and Peter Gregory were fighting over Gittawonk. 77 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,083 No one offered $10 million to acquire Gittawonk. 78 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:09,403 Yeah, I agree with Richard, you should come work for us. 79 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,960 - What... No... - What's it gonna take, a blow-job? 80 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,771 Because Richard will suck the dick right off of your pelvis. 81 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,083 Now, you make me laugh, shaggy man. 82 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,128 All right, I'm in. I'll see you guys Friday. 83 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,651 Okay. 84 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,521 - Well done. - Yeah. 85 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,964 Excuse me. Hi, um, would you guys be interested 86 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,725 in buying some candy so you can send my church group to camp? 87 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:40,887 Nope. 88 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:42,846 Erlich, come on. 89 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,570 $100 says there's no church. 90 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,409 Whole thing's a scam, little scumbags. 91 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,970 They're just children. 92 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,964 Looks like Gilfoyle and his lady Satanist are back from the airport. 93 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,361 Can you imagine what kind of shit-show this one's gonna be? 94 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,847 He says that she has an Amy Winehouse vibe. 95 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,400 What does that mean? All tatted-up and nowhere to go? 96 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,131 - Hooked on OxyContin? - Decomposing? 97 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,726 Oh. Oh, okay, that was dark. 98 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,566 Gentlemen, this is Tara. 99 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,369 - Hey. - Tara, this is the fellas. 100 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,522 Jared, Dinesh, Erlich and Richard. 101 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,171 - It's Erlich. - Oh, it's great to finally meet you guys. 102 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,001 Hi. 103 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,641 All right. 104 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:21,807 Hmm. 105 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,684 Jesus, where did he get Amy Winehouse from? 106 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,765 I mean, I'd have sex with that if you hose the Gilfoyle off of her. 107 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:34,401 It's weird having a girl in the house. There's a very strange energy. 108 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,161 Hmm. 109 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,728 Hello... Kevin. 110 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:51,846 Okay, Richard, I just need you to approve Kevin's fee. 111 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,367 I got Erlich to sign and you just sign right there. 112 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,011 $20,000 for two days. 113 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,881 You know who else thought my price was too high? 114 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,088 - BitRaptor. - Who? 115 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:05,806 Exactly. 116 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:11,331 Great. Peter Gregory is on his way out of town so I'm gonna hustle out there 117 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:12,970 and get him to co-sign these 118 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,008 and the check, and I'll be back as soon as I can. 119 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,367 - Well, go. - Thank you. 120 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,122 You okay over there? You have any questions... 121 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,567 Yeah, one question. 122 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,880 Cool. Shoot. 123 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,884 Why do you keep your lips pressed so tight together 124 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,007 when you're not talking? 125 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,564 'Cause they're like white. 126 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,640 It looks uncomfortable. 127 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,170 Hey, guys. 128 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,490 Hey, Kevin, um, 129 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,161 so how did you bypass Bank of America's network security? 130 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:00,521 I want details. 131 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,084 My lawyers told me I'm not allowed to discuss it. 132 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,362 Totally get it. That's baller. 133 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,361 - Hey, babe? You're up. - Hmm. 134 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,841 - All right, I'm gonna go have a shower. Mmm-hmm. 135 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,282 - Uh, what was that? - What? 136 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,802 Tara just whispered something to you and then she looked at me in a weird way. 137 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,641 No, she didn't. 138 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,321 Yeah, she did. 139 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,845 What's up? 140 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,684 Do you know what compression is? 141 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:15,161 It's when someone takes pleasure in seeing their loved one gratified 142 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:16,605 by another person. 143 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,609 Sexually. It's the opposite of jealousy. 144 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:24,566 It sounds like it's the opposite of normal. Why are you telling me about this thing? 145 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,927 As shocking as this is... 146 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,727 Tara is attracted to you. 147 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:35,766 Come again? 148 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:39,322 Yeah, freaked me out, too, at first. 149 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,406 I don't like the "at first" part at all. 150 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,720 What are you saying? 151 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,768 Since I abide by the maxim, 152 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,446 "Do what thou wilt, that is the whole of the law," 153 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,364 if you want to fuck my girlfriend, I'm okay with it. 154 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,967 Jesus Christ, man, I could barely stand next to you when you're in your towel. 155 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,849 I don't want to have a threesome with you. 156 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:58,649 I'm not talking about a threesome. 157 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,883 Listen, I don't even have to be in the room, unless that's better for you. 158 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,291 Okay, no, I don't... 159 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,203 Right, so we're all settled then? 160 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,362 - Yep. - Do you need parking validation? 161 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,329 No, I, uh, used Lyft. 162 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,568 So I'll Lyft it back. 163 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,369 Why don't I have Peter's car take you home? 164 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,568 He's not using it, we're shipping off to Arallon tomorrow. 165 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,803 - Arallon? - Yeah, the island Peter's building. 166 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,402 What's the... The red line? 167 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,891 That's the International Date Line. 168 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,564 The island's built right on it 169 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,166 so the western half can celebrate the first New Year's on Earth, 170 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,402 then the next day, they walk over to the eastern half 171 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,323 and celebrate the last New Year's on Earth. 172 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,120 But if you can walk, why does he need the car on the island? 173 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,050 Peter's not really big on walking. 174 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,722 So I'll just have the guys pull it up front for you. 175 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:48,801 Great. 176 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,651 Driverless car. 177 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,649 Select destination. 178 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:16,248 Hi, um... I'm going to 5230 179 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,802 Newell Road, Palo Alto... 180 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:24,363 - Route guidance calibrated. - 4.6 miles. 181 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:25,601 Buckle up, please. 182 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:26,966 Okay. 183 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,491 Enjoy your ride. 184 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,485 You'? 185 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:38,803 Tara wants to have sex with you? You sure? 186 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,167 Yeah, Gilfoyle just told me, to my face. 187 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,323 He told you that Tara wants to copulate with someone else in the house 188 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,768 other than him and that someone is you, Dinesh? 189 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,205 Yeah, that's... 190 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,887 You know, you seem confused by this but for a different reason than I am. 191 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,810 Don't you think it's weird that Tara wants some strange 192 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,850 and she chooses you over me, 193 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,809 the logical person in the house? 194 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:04,009 Okay, I see where we are ending up on this. Thank you for your time. 195 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,163 Wait, are you sure that she didn't ask Gilfoyle 196 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,210 for a Danish and maybe you misheard her? 197 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,806 You're probably right, she just wanted to fuck a Danish. 198 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,685 Wait, you just built all the indexes on the fly? 199 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,046 Yeah, of course. 200 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,771 Okay, well... Well, then what's that? 201 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,605 The key value store. 202 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,006 Tuples. 203 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,330 Speak English? 204 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,721 You're kind of doing that lip thing again there, buddy. 205 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,444 No, I'm not. 206 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,170 Stop looking at my lips. 207 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,324 Destination override. New destination. 208 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,767 1 Gregory Drive. Arallon. 209 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:56,402 4,126 miles. 210 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,130 Enjoy your ride. 211 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,009 Um, what's happening? 212 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:03,761 Uh... 213 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,808 I'm sorry, what... Mr. Car? 214 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,404 Hey. Tara and I are going to a Satanic baptism. 215 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,527 You wanna come? 216 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,887 Stu Burns decided to walk the left-hand path with us. 217 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,521 The database administrator for Yahoo is becoming a Satanist? 218 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:21,886 We're everywhere. 219 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:25,009 Hey, Erlich, are you coming? Dinesh is. 220 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,411 He is? 221 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,003 This is Monica. 222 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,401 Hi, Monica, it's Jared. Uh, quick question... 223 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:33,931 Jared, I can't talk right now. 224 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,843 One of our assistants has been confusing the eastern, 225 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,287 western time zones of Arallon on work orders. 226 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,165 Now a bunch of important things are happening a day early. 227 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,011 Peter is going to be furious when he finds out. 228 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,241 He's going to make that noise. 229 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,765 Oh, shit, that's him on the other line. I've gotta go. 230 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,285 Oh, wait, Monica, I just... 231 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:51,771 Hi, Peter. 232 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,204 Hello, Monica? 233 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,087 Um, car? Mr. Car? 234 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,525 Uh, excuse me. 235 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,602 Arallon is an island, so how are we, um... 236 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,330 Oh, no, no! No, no, no, no. 237 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,243 Stop. Let me out. 238 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:07,921 Um... 239 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,123 Mmm. Um... 240 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:11,440 Uh, that's not good. 241 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:13,485 Oh, no! No! 242 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,005 Excuse me, please! 243 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,087 Please honk. Please honk. 244 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:20,605 No, no, no, no. No, no, no. 245 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,088 No, no. Please. Please. 246 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,050 Oh, no, that's not good. 247 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,129 Okay, Donald, stay calm. 248 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:38,127 103 hours to destination. Entering sleep mode. 249 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,168 - What? No! - Enjoy your ride. 250 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,924 Okay, stay calm. Stay calm. 251 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,604 Wait, my phone. 252 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,923 No bars. No bars. No bars. No bars. 253 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,531 "We bring thy garden, o mighty Lucifer," 254 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:05,525 "the fragrances which abound therein, vapors of..." 255 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,568 What the fuck are we doing here? 256 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,290 Look at these fucking people. 257 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:14,241 "...through this, the black flame of Satan thou walkest in Hell. 258 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,561 "The gates are flung wide 259 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,723 "and thy passage is heralded by the deathless cries 260 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,689 "of his guardian beasts. 261 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,284 "Breathe of his breath, o brother of the night 262 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,931 "and nourish his waning brain. 263 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,923 - "From the despair..." - I just figured it out. 264 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,047 It all makes sense. 265 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,167 Figured what out? 266 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:36,211 Why Tara might be into you more than me. 267 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,964 She's attracted to ugliness. 268 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,042 - On, fuck you. - No, think about it. 269 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:44,330 This is the life that she chooses, right? She's attracted to unattractiveness. 270 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,085 Look at all these ugly people and Gilfoyle and now you. 271 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:50,130 That's ridiculous. I'm way more attractive than you are. 272 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,760 - No, you're not. - Way better looking. 273 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,088 By no metric could you possibly be considered more attractive than me. 274 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,323 You're saying that every woman in the entire world 275 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,402 would think you're more attractive than I am? 276 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,324 - Yes. Unless they're completely fucked up. - That's fuck... 277 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,401 Damn it. 278 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,685 You doing okay there? 279 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,728 Yep, yeah. 280 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,165 Fine, just, you know, 281 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,767 it's big orchestration stuff, a lot of moving parts. 282 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:23,003 Nothing you need to worry about. You just focus on the cloud. 283 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,844 I'm here if you need me. 284 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,122 You know what? Uh... 285 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,089 I know it's not what we hired you for, 286 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,650 but I am actually having a little trouble 287 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,525 with the data replication in the persistence layer. 288 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,046 Move over. 289 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,203 Uh-huh. 290 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,363 Oh, Christ. 291 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,169 - I'm much more handsome than you are. - No, my face is completely symmetrical. 292 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,844 You know what my nickname was when I was a kid? 293 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,809 - What? - Pakistani Denzel. 294 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,041 You look nothing like him. 295 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,521 Denzel Washington has a beautiful smile. 296 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,681 You look ridiculous. 297 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,650 Hail Satan, it is done. 298 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,640 - Hail Satan. - Hail Satan, it is... 299 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:20,886 It's done. 300 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,601 Well, thanks for coming, everyone. 301 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:30,969 Brother Jason was kind enough to furnish this week's food. 302 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,088 It's Chick-fil-A. 303 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,527 I know, they're on the Christian right, 304 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,689 but darned if that chicken isn't good. 305 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,081 - I think the Dark Lord would understand. 306 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,041 Also... Ugh. A reminder. 307 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,363 If you parked in the Sav-On parking lot, 308 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,204 they do tow. 309 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,603 Well, I didn't know if you wanted original Oreos or Double Stuf 310 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,603 so I went a little nutty and I got both. 311 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,366 How's it, um... 312 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,727 Fuck. Fuck. 313 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,325 - Kevin? 314 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:03,566 Hello? 315 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,091 Fuck. 316 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,049 What are you doing down here? 317 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:12,522 I did it again, I did it again. 318 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,284 - Did what? - I did it again. 319 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,171 No. 320 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,531 What is this? 321 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,767 Did you overwrite the data schema? 322 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,921 Why would you do this? You don't ever do this! 323 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,571 That's exactly what they said when I was working at BofA. 324 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:32,042 Working at BofA? I thought you hacked in. 325 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,167 No. 326 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,569 I was a consultant at the retail banking services. 327 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,290 I crashed their entire system. 328 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,966 It took a team of seven engineers more than a week 329 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,367 to comb through all the code and find my mistake. 330 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,602 And the only way that I ever avoided being sued 331 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,968 was by agreeing to never tell anyone that I worked there. 332 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,285 Oh, fuck. 333 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,010 Oh, fuck, what? 334 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,323 I just told you. Now I could get in trouble. 335 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,080 Trouble? 336 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,561 You just skull-fucked my whole system. 337 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,280 I am going to punch you in the fucking... 338 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,641 We don't like sacrifice goats or anything. 339 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,961 We're not like the Order of the Golden Dawners, you know. 340 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,002 Yeah. 341 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,010 Richard, are you okay? 342 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,088 Um... Mmm... 343 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,647 Dinesh, uh, we may have a slight problem. 344 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:22,441 The Carver just carved up our entire platform. 345 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,360 What the fuck? 346 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,727 Yeah, the database layers, the application layers, 347 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,609 even the chef scripts are fucked. 348 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,809 The little fucker must have hacked into the DDL tables like he did with BofA. 349 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,288 He didn't hack into BofA. He was consulting there at the time, 350 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,601 when he took down the system by accident. 351 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,802 - Oh, you told them too? - What the fuck? 352 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,771 Richard, why would you let that little fetus access the DDL? 353 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,322 Because I thought that fetus was better than me 354 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,004 and so did you and everybody 355 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,287 and you just, you pressured me into hiring him... 356 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,971 Yes, Richard, for the cloud, to deploy the cloud. 357 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,769 So that you could do what you do best 358 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:59,526 and concentrate on everything else which the fetus just fucked up. 359 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,284 You need to drag this little shit stain... 360 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:02,486 You hear that? 361 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,130 Out from under this table and have him go through 362 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:05,929 every single line of code with you 363 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,247 to unfuck it while it's still unfuckable. 364 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,601 I should not have eaten all of that Satanist chicken. 365 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,490 Okay, and with this one here, did you delete it 366 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:19,925 or just move it? 367 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,201 Hello? Kevin. 368 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:25,850 Maybe. I don't know. 369 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,924 What? What does that mean? What's wrong with you, man? 370 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,890 I can't focus. I'm out of Adderall. 371 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,561 Where's that Jared guy? He was getting my refill. 372 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,484 That's actually a really good question. 373 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:39,925 I don't know where he is. 374 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,801 The Carver's Adderall prescription. I hope that's not a problem. 375 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,451 Dead battery. 376 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,601 That's a problem. 377 00:19:58,120 --> 00:19:59,531 I need to lay down. 378 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,125 What? No! 379 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,168 You said you could code for 48 hours straight. 380 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:04,401 That's like your thing. 381 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,086 Yeah, how the fuck do you think I do that? Adderall. 382 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,003 Well, we don't have any. 383 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,610 It's really bright in here. 384 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,604 Who takes Adderall anymore? 385 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,282 Half the kids in Palo Alto. 386 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,491 Hey- 387 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,210 Any of you guys currently on Adderall 388 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:29,444 and, uh, you know, want to make $50? 389 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,011 Oh, boy. 390 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,803 What do you mean, it's not Adderall? It's Adderall! 391 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,360 I know what Adderall looks like. It's not Adderall. 392 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,441 Uh... 393 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,522 Excuse me. Caleb? 394 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,522 There's been some kind of mistake. 395 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,446 What you sold me was not actually Adderall. 396 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:19,760 So maybe we could... 397 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,882 Do you think you could get me some real Adderall? 398 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:23,405 Yeah, yeah, of course. 399 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:24,801 Um... 400 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,405 I could do that or, um... 401 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,369 I can give you some of this. 402 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,010 Ow! 403 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,445 Okay, I'm gonna... 404 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,370 You're gonna do what, bitch? Call the cops on me? 405 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,290 Tell them you got the wrong illegal drugs from a kid? 406 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,165 You dumb piece of shit. Get the fuck out of here. 407 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,890 - Uh, you... - Run! 408 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,247 - All right, I'm running. - Keep running! 409 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,569 Stupid... 410 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,363 Richard, what's wrong? 411 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,284 Have you been crying? 412 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,161 Hey! Which one was it? 413 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,164 It was Church Candy, wasn't it? 414 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,129 You just brought piss to a shit fight, you little cunt! 415 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,361 Ow! 416 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,929 No, no, no! 417 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,209 Now you get in your fucking house and you get me five Adderall 418 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,521 or I'll slit your fucking throat! You understand? 419 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,722 I'll kill your mother! I'll rape your father! 420 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,121 I'll curb-stomp that little face so hard 421 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,931 that your teeth will go flying, you little shit! 422 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,365 Now go! Go! Go! Go! 423 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,000 - Get me five Adderall, right now! - Okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 424 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,210 - Hi. - Tara. 425 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:21,684 - Hello. - Hi. 426 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,005 First of all... 427 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,450 So, um... 428 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,803 I have thought about it. A lot. 429 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:37,363 To be honest, elements of this arrangement still trouble me. 430 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:43,961 However, I have not had a lot of sexual experiences. 431 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:48,170 So I feel it may be foolish to turn this down. 432 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:54,647 So as long as Gilfoyle is not in the room 433 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:58,202 and I can verify that the door is locked 434 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,441 then I have concluded that, 435 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,362 yes, 436 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:11,526 I would love to have sexual relations with you, 437 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,001 Tara. 438 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:16,521 Yeah. 439 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,201 Uh, what are you talking about? 440 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,371 Gilfoyle told me. 441 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,328 I know you want to have sex with me. 442 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,246 Gilfoyle? 443 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,842 Would you come in here for a second? 444 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:31,481 Um... 445 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:32,880 Um... 446 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:37,042 Did you tell Dinesh that I want to have sex with him? 447 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,561 No. 448 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,765 Oh, wait, yeah, I totally did. I forgot about that. 449 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,808 I was really high. I was just fucking with him. 450 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:47,967 Did he believe me? 451 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:49,841 Uh... 452 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,048 Did you just present yourself to my woman? 453 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,121 Uh... 454 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,204 Oh, this is outstanding. 455 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,608 Oh, my God, that is so mean of you! 456 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,609 Look at how cute he is. 457 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,929 He's adorable. You're adorable. 458 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:09,085 Don't call me... It's very emasculating. 459 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,684 What kind of fucking idiot listens to what Gilfoyle has to say? 460 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,048 Okay, Tara, here's what it is. 461 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,208 If you can tell me to my face 462 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,851 that you seriously find Dinesh more attractive than me, 463 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,605 then and only then will I concede defeat. 464 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:30,281 What? 465 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,723 And our regression test is... 466 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:39,847 Done. 467 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,890 Yes. It's clear, we all test out. 468 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,088 - The system's stable again. - Thank God. 469 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,130 Now we can move on to the next module and I can forget you ever existed. 470 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,567 Can you do me a favor? 471 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,121 Don't tell anyone I cratered this bad. 472 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,360 I won't tell anyone I hired you if you won't tell anyone you worked here. 473 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,564 Oh, the BofA deal. Got it. 474 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,010 Well, I'm gonna call my mom and have her pick me up. 475 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,570 Your mom? 476 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,927 Oh, by the way, you owe me $20,000. 477 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,765 What a dick. 478 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,648 You have to talk to Jared about that. 479 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,006 Where is Jared? 480 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,847 Excuse me. Can you help me? 481 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,728 Obstacle averted. Resuming operations. 482 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:44,005 Please be careful. 483 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,963 - Please be careful. - Please be careful. 484 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:12,281 Okay.