1 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:11,242 The core compression algorithm is optimal. 2 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,685 All the test cases ran optimal. 3 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:16,731 The Weissman Score is optimal. Looks like Nucleus is optimal. 4 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,529 Good. Good. 5 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,651 Congratulations, guys. 6 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:25,680 - Oh, yeah. - A dunk. 7 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:39,644 Richard, the ingestion engine is ready for testing. Have you seen Richard? 8 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,644 He's in there, having a little trouble with his personal ingestion engine. 9 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,883 Still? It's been an hour. He's gotta get this done. 10 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,804 Oh, he's got his laptop in there, on top of his lap. 11 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,728 Hey, Richard. 12 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,609 Don't talk to me while I'm in the bathroom please. 13 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:55,330 Well, snap it off, we gotta go. 14 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,402 I know. Just don't talk to me while I'm in here. 15 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:58,561 It's weird. 16 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,086 Oh, my God. Jared's been back from that island 17 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,288 for a whole day and he didn't get any toilet paper? 18 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,681 Are you serious? ls Jared out there? 19 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,569 I thought you didn't want me to talk to you 20 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,600 while you were in the bathroom. Make up your mind. 21 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,688 You know what? Just get away from the door, please. 22 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,484 Friday, the pool cleaner comes. 23 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,130 - Do you understand? - Yes. 24 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,289 And tomorrow is trash day so make sure all the cans are out front. 25 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,805 Yes. 26 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,885 Now, you are under no circumstances to order any movie on demand, 27 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,121 adult or otherwise. 28 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,611 Yes. 29 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,887 Okay, has anything that I've just said confused you? 30 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,201 - Yes. - God damn it! 31 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,730 Jesus, Cher. Are you bringing your whole closet? 32 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,282 I'm a pro, Dinesh. I won't apologize for it. 33 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,931 I dress according to the moods that I sense in the room. 34 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,480 As such, I must have options. 35 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,369 We all packed and ready to go? 36 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,690 We can take my car but gas is on the company. 37 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,480 Hello? Did everyone leave? 38 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:53,971 No. 39 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,963 What? Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 40 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,569 I don't know how you read your screen in the car. 41 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:11,005 It makes me sick as a dog. 42 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:12,844 I'm okay as long as I don't think about it. 43 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,490 Besides, the presentation is tomorrow. 44 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:17,689 So if you just don't think about it, it really doesn't bother you 45 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,680 to be staring at the screen when the car's moving 46 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,564 - and turning and you're all queasy... - Oh, God! 47 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,244 Gilfoyle. 48 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,164 See, I knew it bothered you. Fucking liar. 49 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,800 So I'm a little behind, being stuck on that island for four days, 50 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,008 but I think I'm on top of everything. 51 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,765 Okay, uh, give me your IDs and I'll go register us... 52 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,411 There you are. Got your credentials and wristbands 53 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,727 for the walk through at 4:00 today. 54 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,165 Uh, walk through? 55 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,441 Yeah, basically, it's a sound check for the competition. 56 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:56,449 Uh, yeah, we didn't know about that. 57 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,649 Did I not tell you about the walk through? 58 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,209 I am so sorry. 59 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,009 Uh, that's why I'm here. Peter's on safari 60 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,327 with Lorne Michaels and Kanye West until next week 61 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,323 so, I can put all of my attention on you guys for once. 62 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:11,644 I am so sorry. I thought that I talked to you guys about the walk... 63 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,491 Gentlemen, welcome to the big show. 64 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,126 TechCrunch motherfucking Disrupt. 65 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,922 Okay, guys, this place is a vortex of distraction. 66 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,321 Normally the tech world is 2% women. 67 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,762 Guys, these next three days, 15%. 68 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,729 It's a goddamn meat market. 69 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,325 I need you to focus. 70 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,569 How we do here is the entire future of your company. 71 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,404 Don't screw it all up now. 72 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,086 We have to knock them dead in the preliminaries tomorrow 73 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,128 so we can move on to the finals on Friday. 74 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:54,524 I have a question. The program says that Dan Melcher is judging our round. 75 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,329 Is there any way to get him removed? 76 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,562 Not unless there's a conflict of interest. 77 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:02,008 Well, there may be. I did have sexual intercourse with his wife. 78 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,003 What? It was three years ago. 79 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,367 So one of the guys judging us wants to fucking kill you? 80 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,602 Maybe. I don't know if he found out. 81 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,968 Either way, Richard, you may have to present instead of me so be prepared. 82 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,441 What, me? Present? No. 83 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,126 We may be fine. We may be totally fine. 84 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,521 We also may be totally fucked. 85 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,090 I'll let you know either way. 86 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,841 I'm gonna go network. Don't approach me. 87 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:30,121 I don't want to present. Besides, I'm not even done with the demo. 88 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,522 Okay, Richard, you need to go to the hotel right now and finish. 89 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,811 - You already checked us into the hotel? - Yeah. Yeah. 90 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,684 Okay, uh, I'm gonna do this module by module. 91 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:43,084 Dinesh, you built the edge video player so I'm gonna start with you first, okay? 92 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,606 Okay, you guys set up the booth, okay? 93 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,802 Um, I think it's this way. 94 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,086 You think? 95 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,609 A few flyers, that's all we have? 96 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,921 Yeah, I think it is. 97 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:59,243 Hello, what's your name? 98 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,488 Visit us at microdrone.com... 99 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:05,724 Oh, wow, Microdrone. They just closed $17 million in seed funding. 100 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,641 Hi. Hello. Excuse me. 101 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:14,167 Pied Piper? You guys are competing in the Startup Battlefield, right? 102 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:15,890 Everyone has been talking about your compression rate. 103 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,446 I mean, it is supposed to be sick. 104 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:19,726 Yeah. 105 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,842 Anyway, you must be great with Java 106 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:25,242 and I just cannot seem to figure out this stupid bug. Do you mind? 107 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,725 I'll be back. 108 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,370 Thank you. 109 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,842 If we integrate one module every two hours we should be in great shape... 110 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,571 Richard, follow me. Follow me. Follow me. 111 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:40,440 - All right. See you at the hotel. - See you. 112 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:41,760 Very soon, I hope. 113 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,491 Hey, man. Just wanted to say good luck. 114 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,924 Okay, thanks. But what's with all the... 115 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,526 Sorry. I just can't be seen talking to you, you know? 116 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,329 Hooli people all over the place. 117 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:58,450 I don't know, man, I'm just really into this whole rest and vest life, you know, 118 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,284 - way more than I thought I would be. - Mmm. 119 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,044 I just don't want to rock the boat. 120 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,044 Oh, hey, did I tell you? I'm getting a boat. 121 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,088 - Wow. - And a boat guy to take care of it. 122 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,924 You have to have a boat guy. 123 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,365 Wow, yeah, you've gotta have a boat guy... 124 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:11,601 If you have a boat. 125 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,604 Hey, um, you know that girl, right? 126 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,369 Sherry, I think her name was. She said you guys went to school together. 127 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:19,811 Uh, okay, yeah. 128 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,167 I saw her at the Valleywag party last night, 129 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,961 which was crazy, by the way. Dude, there must've been like 12 girls there. 130 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,685 - Holy shit. - Nuts. 131 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:30,889 Anyway, um, she said you guys went out a couple times 132 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,567 and then, uh, she dumped you and you became obsessed with her? 133 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:38,087 What? What? She said I was obsessed? 134 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,924 She said obsessed. 135 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,731 Uh, that's bullshit, 'cause I think we went out two times. 136 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,724 Eh, it was nothing. So, how could I be obsessed? That's... 137 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,731 No, you're going down! Nucleus is gonna crush Wide Diaper. 138 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,770 You never should've said no to my man, Gavin Belson. 139 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:56,327 Okay. 140 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:03,044 Seeded quite a few new companies. 141 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,771 Spinder. It's like Tinder but for spinsters. 142 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:09,128 Elderly women looking for sex. 143 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:32,603 There's this girl who's walking around, saying that I'm obsessed with her. 144 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,684 Now, that just really pisses me off. 145 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,730 That's fascinating. Let's just forget about it, okay? 146 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:38,801 Yeah. 147 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,122 I mean it's... it's just so fucked up, right? 148 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,884 I mean, I barely remember her. 149 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,240 And it's just so insulting to have someone walking around spreading lies about you. 150 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,443 Right? I wonder who she's working with. 151 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,683 Like I wonder who she's here with because if she's telling her coworkers, 152 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,331 then that's a whole 'nother group of people I gotta worry about. 153 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,004 Richard, you don't have to worry about anything 154 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,650 - except for Pied Piper right now. - Yeah, I know. 155 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,166 We have less than 24 hours till the preliminaries. 156 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:08,121 - No one's worrying, that's the thing. Perfect. - Perfect. 157 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,166 Okay, her. 158 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,600 She used the word "obsessed," Dinesh. 159 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,120 - "Obsessed." - Richard, I don't care. 160 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,244 Neither do I. That's the entire point. 161 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,281 I'm just gonna check her lnstagram real quick. 162 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,522 Because if she's posting comments about me being obsessed... 163 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,720 I mean, I can't just ignore that. 164 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,330 Would you be interested in a device that links to your smartphone 165 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,244 and lets you know, even before it happens, whether you're having a panic attack 166 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,685 - or a heart attack? - Yeah, yeah. 167 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,285 Okay, here's how Panic-a-Tech works. 168 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,567 You wear this on your finger all day and it tracks your vitals. 169 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,122 Or if that's too embarrassing, there's also a Bluetooth suppository 170 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,886 and that goes right where you think it goes. And that comes with a retrieval kit. 171 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,248 Was he like, "Bro, you're my bro," 172 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,970 or was he like, "I wanna shoot you in the face and watch you bleed out all over the stage" 173 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,361 "'cause you fucked my wife, you cocksuck?" 174 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,284 Right in the middle. It was like... 175 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:09,886 Huh. 176 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,924 What happened? How's it going at the hotel? 177 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:16,085 Weird. He switched to meta-data extraction and now wants to see you. 178 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:20,091 Meta-data? Already? Makes no sense. 179 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,685 He seems very distracted. 180 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:27,924 Okay, guys, urn, since we're kind of playing from behind here 181 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,401 I put together a little secret weapon. 182 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:34,082 I, um... I went through the entire list of conference participants 183 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,130 and I found images and I found bios and I printed them out 184 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,326 so we have them all in one place. 185 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,131 - Why did you do that? - Uh, okay. 186 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,851 Who's this guy? Watch. He is... 187 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:49,249 Rick Smith, co-founder of Crosscut Ventures. 188 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:50,446 How did you... 189 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:54,286 ID-Keen. It's this facial recognition app that Monica put on our phones. 190 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,249 You just point it at anybody, tells you who they are 191 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,129 and how important they are to the conference. 192 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,126 You're not showing up at all. 193 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:07,046 Yeah, maybe I'm not getting a... No, I'm getting a signal. 194 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,527 Okay. Um, well... 195 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:15,283 Ooh, Jared, Jared, uh, recycling's over there. 196 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,966 Hey, so what's the deal? Does the judge know or not? 197 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:19,883 I don't know, Monica. He's toying with me. 198 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,964 Or maybe he's not. I can't fucking figure it out. 199 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,930 Erlich, you need to stop this. His wife is here. 200 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,207 Grow a pair and talk to her, find out for sure. 201 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,170 Why don't you grow a pair and I'll talk to her? 202 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:33,481 Hmm. 203 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,881 What? 204 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,565 Hey- 205 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,485 Do you happen to know Java? 206 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,287 Are you kidding? It's like my specialty. 207 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,725 Will you help me? 208 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:52,131 Oh, it would be my honor. 209 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,240 Yes? 210 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,449 Oh, sorry. Um, I must not have the right room. 211 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,364 - I'm looking for Dan Melcher. - Yeah, that's us. 212 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:19,965 Oh, it is? Okay. 213 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,929 I was looking to speak with his wife. 214 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:26,723 That's me. I'm, well, his new wife, we just got married. 215 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,404 Oh, congratulations. 216 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,606 Uh, what happened with Madelyn? 217 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,527 - You're a friend of Dan's? - Yeah. 218 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,001 We've... We have a common interest... 219 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,287 - Uh, many common interests. - Yeah. 220 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,964 Well, she was a nightmare. 221 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,887 Pills, in and out of rehab. 222 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,885 Had all of these disgusting affairs. 223 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,564 You know, the divorce nearly killed Dan. 224 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,371 Really? Disgusting affairs. 225 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,483 Well, I... I feel terrible. 226 00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:57,245 No, it's fine. He's put it behind him. 227 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,211 All Of it? 228 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,322 - I mean, every aspect of it? - Mmm-hmm. 229 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,531 Well, that is... That is great to hear. 230 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,086 What if she's spreading this lie to everyone at this conference? 231 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,525 I mean, honestly, Gilfoyle... 232 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,924 Richard, stop talking about this or I have to punch you in the face. 233 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,482 Fuck. it is huge. 234 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,561 - Uh... "Very, very huge." 235 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:25,690 Check, one-two, two, tsetse fly, tsetse fly. 236 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,250 Hey, how's the demo coming? 237 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,482 Um, we're getting there. 238 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,090 Uh, definitely... Getting there. 239 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,808 Gentlemen, I bring good tidings. 240 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:38,090 Turns out that Melcher is divorced, remarried 241 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,562 and has put the previous relationship behind him completely. 242 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:42,846 Problem solved. 243 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,285 That's great. 244 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,410 It sure is, Richard, it sure as hell is. 245 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:53,085 Look at these poor fuckers. They don't even know what's about to hit 'em. 246 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,289 The hammer of God. 247 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:59,048 I am so sorry! I am so sorry. I thought you guys were gonna come get me 248 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,963 and... And I'm sorry. 249 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,407 - Wait, Jared, what are you doing here? - What? 250 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:04,527 - Who's watching the booth? - Yeah. 251 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,807 - I thought that maybe Monica could... - Ooh. 252 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,645 She's not in the company. We need her here. That's the thing. 253 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,451 All right, everybody, uh, this run-through is for essential personnel only, 254 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:13,925 essential only. 255 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,161 Oh. 256 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:20,130 - We need someone in the booth is the thing. - Right. 257 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,645 You're essential to the booth. 258 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:22,846 Right. 259 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,043 All right, each team will have six minutes for presentation and demo, 260 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,685 at which point the judges will ask a few questions... 261 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,808 Uh, do you mind if I break in here, just one question. 262 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,531 Uh, are the judges allowed to send us through 263 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,967 to the finals immediately after we present 264 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:41,126 or do we have to wait until everyone else has gone? 265 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,090 Well, I'm just saying what everybody's thinking. 266 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,842 Hello, what's your name? 267 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,888 Visit us at microdrone.com to download... 268 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,804 - Uh, excuse me, no thank you. - ...a free video of you 269 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,882 - at TechCrunch Disrupt. - Uh, no thank you. 270 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:01,363 Nathan. Are you Nathan Zimmerman, CEO of Flingual? 271 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,727 I... I... Whoever's doing this, no thank you. 272 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,684 Yeah, I think we got a dead zone, an audio dead zone right here. 273 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,285 Listen to this. 274 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,609 Hear that? Compared to... 275 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,968 Okay, here's what I want, as soon as the music comes up... 276 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,080 Music? 277 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,885 I want you to hit me with a spotlight, barn! And a hard spot. 278 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,162 Better yet, do you have those spotlights that... 279 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,730 ...come up from the ground, 280 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,040 like in Pride Fighting. 281 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:23,120 I can check. 282 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,130 Okay, so two of those, one on each side and then one in the center 283 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:30,728 so that it casts my shadow behind me, like a giant looking over his own shoulder. 284 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,529 Do you have any wind machines. 285 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,051 I'm gonna need two of those... 286 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:35,645 Are you humming to yourself? 287 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,480 Was I? 288 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:39,927 Uh... 289 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,800 You know, honestly, I may have found the perfect woman. 290 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,008 Whoa. What? Who? Who? 291 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,844 She's in the booth right next to us, Charlotte. 292 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,400 She's not even physically my type, she has blonde hair 293 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,848 and these stupid pink streaks that doesn't seem to be dominant at all. 294 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,491 However, I think I'm in love. 295 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,450 Whoa! 296 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:02,047 She invited me to her room to watch Cloud Atlas later tonight. 297 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,327 Oh, yeah, that means she wants you to lay her. 298 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,084 Is that definitive? 299 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,481 I mean, nobody can watch more than like a minute of that film. 300 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,722 So what's the deal? I mean, is she hot? 301 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,211 Yeah, I mean, she's attractive, 302 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,568 but almost every woman is attractive. It was her mind. 303 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:20,563 She wrote this Java method that was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. 304 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,324 Elegant, tight. 305 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,890 There's just something so hot about a woman that can code like that. 306 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,530 You know, I just want to 307 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,490 crawl in her frontal lobe and... 308 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:31,846 What's up? 309 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,642 You know I wrote that code, right? 310 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,291 No, this code was on her system. 311 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:41,126 A banged up 15-inch MacBook Pro with shitty stickers on it? 312 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,885 Everyone here has a beat up 15-inch MacBook Pro... 313 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,327 With a 1.3 chip and only two gigs of RAM? 314 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,802 She doesn't know Java. I wrote that code. 315 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,531 - You said you were in love with her mind. - Oh, fuck. 316 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,848 You realize what's going on, right? 317 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:59,208 It's not her you're sexually attracted to, it's my code. 318 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,762 Shut the... That is the most disgusting fucking thing I've ever heard. 319 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,401 Just face it, Dinesh, you're gay for my code, you're code gay. 320 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,882 No! No, I'm into her. Her, okay? Fuck your code! 321 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,644 You'd like to fuck my code, wouldn't you? 322 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,485 Hey, would you like to masturbate to the subroutine I just wrote? 323 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,881 No! It's... I'm... I'm... 324 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,406 And then I'll sort of close right here in the center 325 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,482 with a confidence and poise that, well, 326 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,723 they probably won't have seen up until this point. 327 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,600 And then at that point we've got some photos that we're gonna throw up on the big screen. 328 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,160 - Photos? - Yeah, you know, just a few. 329 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,971 Gandhi, MLK, me as an inquisitive child. 330 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,565 Richard, could you please? 331 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,921 Oh, yes, sorry. I'll just plug it in here. 332 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,805 No! Don't! 333 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,370 - Don't! - Oh, shit... 334 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,562 - Oh, what the fuck? - Shit. 335 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,721 Oh, she's here. 336 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:47,847 Mmm. 337 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,484 Oh, shit, it's frozen. It's frozen. 338 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,403 That is not me, obviously. 339 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,245 He's obsessed with me. I'm sorry. 340 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,402 Hey, what's wrong? 341 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,803 I'm just a little nervous 'cause you're so beautiful. 342 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:17,367 Oh? 343 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:18,930 Random question... 344 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,881 So you didn't write any of that Java code? 345 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:23,441 Uh-uh. 346 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,803 But I write all of our tweets and we have like a couple hundred followers. 347 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,122 Couple hundred's pretty. 348 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,891 Oh, let me move this. 349 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,330 Oh, that's the code your, uh, friend wrote. 350 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,920 - Yeah, it is. - It's really good, huh? 351 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,609 It's fine. I don't care about it. 352 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,490 Mmm, there we go. 353 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,006 On, fuck. 354 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,611 Come on, focus, focus. 355 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,250 Richard's not gonna finish, is he? 356 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,561 He'll finish, Gilfoyle, he has to. 357 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,205 Are you okay? 358 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,211 Yeah, I'm fine. 359 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,170 I knew it. You couldn't do it. 360 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:39,121 Please shut up. Shut up. 361 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:43,205 Why is it that every time I'm about to have sex with a lady, 362 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,804 he's all up in there somehow? 363 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,202 Finally, just us. Guys, this round is on me. 364 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,045 Hey, Jared. There you guys go. 365 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:54,886 - To Pied Piper. Hmm? - To Pied Piper. 366 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,405 Hear, hear. 367 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,525 Yeah, drink it up. 368 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,568 - Mmm. - But it's not gonna change who you are. 369 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,770 Monica, can I speak to you for a minute? 370 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,171 Yeah. 371 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,409 - No, Sherry, it has to be now! - Oh, shit. 372 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,284 Okay, look, we need to talk. 373 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,169 You keep telling people I'm obsessed with you. 374 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,890 Richard, why don't you just take a step back... 375 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,201 It's not true... No, no, no, let me finish. 376 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:22,683 Okay, did I put your picture up on the big screen in the auditorium? Yes. 377 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,720 But that's because I was showing you to my friends 378 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,001 to prove a point that I'm not obsessed with you. 379 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:31,324 - Richard, I'm gonna go now. - No, I'm not obsessed with you, Sherry! 380 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,930 I'm... 381 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:35,566 I'm not. 382 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:40,326 That guy Richard I was telling you about just totally freaked out on me. 383 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:41,686 Yeah, the obsessed guy. 384 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,364 - Where are you? - You've been doing this ever since 385 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,805 - we arrived at the conference. - Which elevators? 386 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,851 You really think that you can come between me and Richard Hendricks? 387 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,367 We're partners, okay, and I've devoted every second 388 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,728 of my waking life for the past two months to him, okay? 389 00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:00,004 I am devoted to him and to the precious thing that we're building together! 390 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,924 I'm his partner. I can tell when he's vomiting... 391 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,206 - Uh, what? No. Because he's nervous... 392 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,726 - Never mind, Kate, I'm fine. - ...or when he's vomiting because he's sick 393 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,087 or when he's vomiting because he had cilantro, which he loves 394 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,049 but he shouldn't have because it makes him... 395 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:15,921 I had no idea that you felt this way. I mean it, I am so sorry. 396 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,401 I mean, I'm obsessed with her... 397 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,723 Richard, can I talk to you for a second? 398 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,445 Uh, okay. 399 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,730 I owe you an apology. I was way off base. 400 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,723 Well, yeah, you were. 401 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,885 He cleared it all up for me. 402 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,645 - Jared? Really? - Yeah. He's your partner, right? 403 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,130 Yeah, he is. One of many. 404 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,890 Probably too many. 405 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,164 How could I not have seen this? 406 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,051 Obviously you're not obsessed with me. 407 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,610 Richard, it's none of my business, but be safe. 408 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,809 - Okay? - Okay. 409 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:03,291 Of course I'm safe. I backup my whole system like five times a day. 410 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:07,166 So... Uh, Jared, hey, 411 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,965 thank you. 412 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,164 - For what? - Uh, you know, everything. 413 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:16,165 I feel like we don't appreciate you enough, so thank you. 414 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,283 Are you... Are you crying? 415 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,809 Uh, don't do that. Don't cry. 416 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:33,449 Oh, shit. I gotta get back to work. I... I need to focus here. 417 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:34,766 We should all go. 418 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,763 All right, I'm taking care of this one. 419 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,969 But when we win this fuckin' thing, Richard, you're buying the next round. 420 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,121 Yeah. 421 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,485 Oh, no. 422 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:49,322 We're with the conference, is there any sort of discount? 423 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,402 - Kind of break you can... - Mmm-mmm. 424 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,528 No. All right. 425 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,171 - Hello, again. - Oh, hi. 426 00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:00,086 You know, that was really sweet of you to be so concerned about Dan. 427 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,571 He really has been through hell. 428 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,241 Well, it's the least I could do. 429 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,244 So how did you know Madelyn again? 430 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,369 Oh, uh, long story. 431 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:11,930 Yeah? 432 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,882 I have to admit, I'm curious. 433 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,602 You know what, keep it open. 434 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,048 Have you ever cared too much? 435 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,849 People, are you ready? 436 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,970 Are you ready for the ultimate tech startup competition? 437 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,610 Let me hear it. 438 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,808 Disrupt! 439 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,485 Disrupt. 440 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,687 Hello. My name is Saeed Jobrani. 441 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,883 I am the CEO of lmmediBug. 442 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,760 And we're hereto revolutionize 443 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,889 the way you report bugs on your mobile platform. 444 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:02,488 Happin! will revolutionize location-based mobile news aggregation as you know it. 445 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,201 We're making the world a better place, through Paxos algorithms 446 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:07,731 for consensus protocols. 447 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,529 And we're making the world a better place 448 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,490 through software-defined data centers for cloud computing. 449 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:16,963 A better place through canonical data models to communicate between endpoints. 450 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,082 A better place through scalable, 451 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,369 fault-tolerant distributed databases with ACID transactions. 452 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,011 And we are truly local mobile social. 453 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,686 And we're completely So-Mo-Lo. 454 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,006 And we're Mo-Lo-So. 455 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,889 We're Lo-Mo-So, bro. 456 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,601 We were So-Lo-Mo but now we're Mo-Lo-So. 457 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,650 No, Mo-So-Lo. No... 458 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:41,926 You want me to get a water or something? 459 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,923 - Yeah, drink this. - Here. 460 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,364 - So we're all good? - We're all great. 461 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,603 I killed it. Our Weissman score on all tests, 2.89. 462 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,444 Right at the theoretical limit. 463 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,443 Yeah, all the edge modules are humming. 464 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,364 Uh, even on mobile. They can throw anything at us. 465 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,968 Great. Well, good luck. I'm gonna go find my seat. 466 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,690 Um, except 3D video. 467 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:05,886 What? 468 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,883 3D video's still a little hinky. 469 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,440 Erlich better steer them away from that just to be safe. 470 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:12,045 Where the hell is Erlich? 471 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,084 He wasn't with you guys this morning? 472 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,447 Rather than heating an entire room, 473 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,285 HumanHeater is a microwave technology 474 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:23,569 that can heat the surface of a person's skin instead, 475 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,291 potentially saving millions in heating costs 476 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:31,042 and helping the environment, thereby making the world a better place. 477 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:32,890 Judges. 478 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:35,487 Uh... 479 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,403 Okay, so, 480 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:43,044 you want to heat people with microwaves, is that right? 481 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:44,770 That can't be safe. 482 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:48,526 That's a great question and trust me, it is very, very safe. 483 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,171 I've been working on it for 15 years. 484 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,164 I don't trust you and it can't be safe. 485 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,926 And even if it was, I don't think you could ever sell the public on this. 486 00:24:58,400 --> 00:24:59,970 Thank you. 487 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,849 I think when people see the savings on their utility bill 488 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,402 and when they see how it saves the environment, they will be sold. 489 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,687 Microwaves? Are you kidding me? 490 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,566 Man, they are brutal. 491 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,530 All right, let's light this candle. 492 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,204 Where the hell have you been? 493 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,762 Uh, there's been some developments. You know how I fucked Melcher's old wife? 494 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,842 - I fucked his new wife, too. - What? 495 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,729 Uh, don't worry, he's not gonna find out. 496 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,081 I left way before he got back last night and then I didn't 497 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:29,327 go back this morning until 20 minutes after he had left. 498 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,686 You went back? 499 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,889 - How many times did you fuck this woman? - The old wife or the new wife? 500 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:35,963 - The new wife. - Last night or this morning? 501 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,930 Erlich, what were you thinking? This is kind of a big day today. 502 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,048 Relax, he's not gonna find out. She's not gonna tell him. 503 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,087 How the fuck do you know that? 504 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,721 Because she'd have to be crazy to tell him and I asked her point blank if she was crazy 505 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,007 and she swore to me, no, she's not crazy. 506 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,647 - Pied Piper, you're up. - Let's do it. 507 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:54,406 The microwaves only penetrate the top layer of skin cells. 508 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,211 I don't believe you. It can't be safe. 509 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:58,406 Thank you. 510 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,846 I've been testing it on these guys all winter and they're fine. 511 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,287 Let me just demonstrate it to assure you... 512 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:07,362 - No! No! - No! Please! 513 00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:11,887 No one is ever going to buy one of these. 514 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,246 Ever. 515 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,527 That was HumanHeater. 516 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,285 Next up, Executive Chairman and Chief Visionary 517 00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:22,251 - Erlich Bachman presenting Pied Piper. 518 00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:38,442 Since the dawn of time, 519 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:43,128 mankind hath sought to make things smaller, but until now, 520 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,202 no man... 521 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,203 You son of a bitch! 522 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,601 Jesus Christ! Everyone, remain calm. 523 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,365 Stay in your seats! Everything is under control! 524 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,011 Lights? 525 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,806 I think he knows. 526 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:58,370 Security to main stage.