1 00:00:06,555 --> 00:00:07,654 Tables. 2 00:00:07,690 --> 00:00:11,125 Tables are made so a person can sit down and do something. 3 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,160 Or nothing. 4 00:00:13,196 --> 00:00:15,196 Any person can sit at a table, 5 00:00:15,231 --> 00:00:17,864 and if the table is large enough, many people. 6 00:00:17,899 --> 00:00:20,967 To make jokes, eat a meal, tell stories. 7 00:00:21,002 --> 00:00:23,703 Tables are for people to be together and share. 8 00:00:23,739 --> 00:00:27,073 And that is why tables are like Pied Piper. 9 00:00:27,109 --> 00:00:29,575 Grapefruits, postcards, hugs. 10 00:00:29,611 --> 00:00:32,178 These are things people share to connect, to come closer. 11 00:00:32,214 --> 00:00:35,280 To open up about ideas and things that make us feel alive, 12 00:00:35,315 --> 00:00:40,085 like air, ballet, amazing haircuts, weird countries, 13 00:00:40,121 --> 00:00:44,923 three-alarm chili, mountains, continents, the Earth, life. 14 00:00:44,959 --> 00:00:49,828 Life is beautiful and sad and hopeful and dangerous. 15 00:00:49,864 --> 00:00:51,963 So maybe the reason we share so much 16 00:00:51,998 --> 00:00:54,565 is because we understand that without sharing, 17 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,134 we can't survive. 18 00:00:56,169 --> 00:00:58,502 And sharing is tables. 19 00:00:58,537 --> 00:01:01,139 Pied Piper. 20 00:01:01,174 --> 00:01:05,143 Yes. Tables. I see. It's a metaphor. 21 00:01:05,178 --> 00:01:09,612 - It's a wonderful ad spot. - Yeah. We're all just tables. 22 00:01:09,648 --> 00:01:11,014 I love what you've done with the place. 23 00:01:11,049 --> 00:01:14,484 It's a really nicely done place. 24 00:01:16,321 --> 00:01:18,388 Say, is that your dog? 25 00:01:19,724 --> 00:01:21,858 It's a dog. 26 00:01:24,329 --> 00:01:26,929 You and I have never really had much of a rapport, have we? 27 00:01:26,964 --> 00:01:30,432 It's... wanting. 28 00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:31,934 Oh, look. 29 00:01:31,969 --> 00:01:36,105 Well, we're almost there. Prepare to gather, everyone. 30 00:01:36,140 --> 00:01:41,043 No, I didn't say to gather. I simply said prepare to gather. 31 00:01:44,314 --> 00:01:47,182 - Monica, hey. - Oh, hey. How's it going? 32 00:01:47,217 --> 00:01:49,383 - You holding up okay? - Not really. 33 00:01:49,419 --> 00:01:51,485 I know. Her parties are always deeply weird. 34 00:01:51,521 --> 00:01:54,956 Hey, um, I guess this is as good a time as any to say it, 35 00:01:54,991 --> 00:01:59,160 but, um, I'm really sorry for not getting Pied Piper. 36 00:01:59,196 --> 00:02:03,430 And to be honest, it's really embarrassing to be so fucking wrong. 37 00:02:03,465 --> 00:02:06,967 Well, here's the thing, you, uh, you might not be. 38 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,102 What? What are you talking about? 39 00:02:10,239 --> 00:02:13,006 Uh... okay. 40 00:02:13,042 --> 00:02:17,710 So, well, Pied Piper launches and everything's great, 41 00:02:17,745 --> 00:02:21,380 and we spent a fucking bazillion dollars, on the Tables ad 42 00:02:21,415 --> 00:02:25,784 and now we are almost at 500,000 installs, right? 43 00:02:25,820 --> 00:02:28,454 - Yeah. What's the problem? - Well, as you know, 44 00:02:28,489 --> 00:02:30,823 installs isn't really the metric that matters. 45 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:34,226 We need daily active users, people who come back to the platform. 46 00:02:34,261 --> 00:02:36,527 Okay, so how many daily users do you actually have? 47 00:02:36,563 --> 00:02:38,230 Okay, what would... what would be a number 48 00:02:38,265 --> 00:02:40,798 that would make you say, "Ugh, oh, that's bad." 49 00:02:40,834 --> 00:02:43,935 I don't know, like, 100,000? 50 00:02:43,971 --> 00:02:46,504 - Oh. - Are you less? 51 00:02:46,539 --> 00:02:48,874 How much less? 52 00:02:48,909 --> 00:02:51,876 - 19,000. - 19... 19,000 less than a hu... 53 00:02:51,911 --> 00:02:55,012 - 81,000? - No. No, just 19,000. 54 00:02:55,047 --> 00:02:56,981 - That's the only number. - What? 55 00:02:57,016 --> 00:02:59,850 - That's... that's terrible. - Yeah. I'm aware. 56 00:02:59,886 --> 00:03:03,354 - Well, yeah, that's art, not a chair. - Oh. 57 00:03:03,389 --> 00:03:06,156 Richard! Oh, my... well, you haven't told Laurie yet, have you? 58 00:03:06,192 --> 00:03:09,292 - No. - Okay. Well, who else knows? 59 00:03:09,327 --> 00:03:12,595 - Dinesh and Gilfoyle? - No. 60 00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:14,364 Erlich? 61 00:03:14,399 --> 00:03:16,032 No. 62 00:03:16,067 --> 00:03:19,402 Well, apparently Jared knows. 63 00:03:26,191 --> 00:03:29,665 - sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com - 64 00:03:29,980 --> 00:03:32,381 Yeah, Pied Piper's sort of what I'm known for, 65 00:03:32,416 --> 00:03:36,084 but I'm into a lot of cool stuff. 66 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,786 Like, a lot. 67 00:03:37,821 --> 00:03:39,721 You seem surprised. 68 00:03:39,756 --> 00:03:42,156 I'll give you an example. A few months ago, 69 00:03:42,191 --> 00:03:43,857 I'm at my computer, freestyling, 70 00:03:43,893 --> 00:03:45,659 just kind of jammin' out, you know, 71 00:03:45,694 --> 00:03:48,662 before I knew it I had thrown together 72 00:03:48,697 --> 00:03:51,765 the greatest video-chat app the world has ever seen. 73 00:03:51,801 --> 00:03:55,369 So you invented Skype a few months ago? 74 00:03:55,405 --> 00:03:57,738 Great ideas just sort of flow through me. 75 00:03:57,773 --> 00:04:00,974 The platform, you know, it's sort of a group project, 76 00:04:01,009 --> 00:04:04,477 but, uh, the video-chat app, that's my solo album. 77 00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:07,213 - Oh, Robert. - I'm Dinesh. 78 00:04:10,218 --> 00:04:12,885 What the fuck is going on with you? 79 00:04:12,921 --> 00:04:16,488 Hmm? Could you be more specific? 80 00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:17,722 You're hiding something. 81 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,891 What? No, I'm not. 82 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,827 Everything's fine. You know, everything's fine. 83 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,462 That's a lie. 84 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,397 I can tell because you subscribe 85 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:29,401 to traditional Judeo-Christian mores of right and wrong. 86 00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,303 You're made uncomfortable by untruth. 87 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:34,538 My commitment to LaVeyan Satanism 88 00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,407 grants me certain freedoms. 89 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,743 There is no good and evil, there's only self. 90 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,814 - Would you like a beverage? - Yes, I would. 91 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:47,118 Lie. You just want me to go to the bar and leave you alone. 92 00:04:50,022 --> 00:04:52,555 Gil... you crack me up. 93 00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:54,924 Lie. 94 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,095 I terrify you, as I should. 95 00:04:59,598 --> 00:05:02,665 Get out of here. 96 00:05:03,902 --> 00:05:06,870 Okay, thank you. 97 00:05:06,905 --> 00:05:10,939 Okay, so, I just spoke with my friend who runs a market research firm, 98 00:05:10,975 --> 00:05:13,642 she's gonna set up a focus group for the platform, 99 00:05:13,677 --> 00:05:15,577 put it in the hands of some real users, 100 00:05:15,613 --> 00:05:17,813 and hopefully it'll be super obvious what's going wrong. 101 00:05:17,848 --> 00:05:20,449 - Okay, great. - Clink, clink, clink. Gather. 102 00:05:20,485 --> 00:05:22,518 Faster, please. Gather faster. We're close. 103 00:05:22,553 --> 00:05:24,519 We need to see the numbers change. 104 00:05:24,554 --> 00:05:27,389 499,995, 105 00:05:27,424 --> 00:05:31,926 499,996... 106 00:05:35,265 --> 00:05:38,099 499,997... 107 00:05:47,109 --> 00:05:49,209 It's going great. Uh, they've been engaging 108 00:05:49,245 --> 00:05:51,078 with the platform for about an hour now. 109 00:05:51,113 --> 00:05:53,247 - They're just starting the Q and A. - Uh, great. 110 00:05:53,282 --> 00:05:55,449 Thank you, everyone, for sharing your feelings 111 00:05:55,484 --> 00:05:57,884 on the revolutionary new Pied Piper platform. 112 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,754 Now, Bernice, you say here that you were... 113 00:06:01,789 --> 00:06:04,457 totally freaked out by the platform. 114 00:06:04,492 --> 00:06:07,393 What specifically totally freaked you out? 115 00:06:07,429 --> 00:06:11,497 Everything. Just every single thing about it. 116 00:06:11,533 --> 00:06:13,332 Just, like, how it worked. 117 00:06:13,368 --> 00:06:15,534 Now, who else found themselves 118 00:06:15,569 --> 00:06:18,203 totally freaked out by this platform? 119 00:06:18,238 --> 00:06:22,006 Barry, Warren, Natalie, Martina, 120 00:06:22,042 --> 00:06:25,009 Gwen, Amy, Walker, and Clay. 121 00:06:25,045 --> 00:06:27,412 You were all totally freaked out. 122 00:06:27,448 --> 00:06:30,048 Was anyone not totally freaked out? 123 00:06:30,084 --> 00:06:33,384 Clark? Good. What was your reaction? 124 00:06:33,419 --> 00:06:35,819 It just made me feel stupid. 125 00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,721 This file sync thing is confusing. 126 00:06:37,756 --> 00:06:41,192 When I put videos into my main folder, it says it uploaded them, 127 00:06:41,227 --> 00:06:43,294 but then I didn't see where they went. 128 00:06:43,329 --> 00:06:45,396 It said stuff was on my phone and my iPad, 129 00:06:45,431 --> 00:06:48,065 but when I looked at the memory, it said, zero K used, 130 00:06:48,101 --> 00:06:49,599 so stuff wasn't on there. 131 00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:52,368 That's the platform. He's describing the platform 132 00:06:52,404 --> 00:06:54,571 and what's great about it. Well, clearly he doesn't get it. 133 00:06:54,606 --> 00:06:57,140 clearly none of these people get it. Maybe this is a bad group. 134 00:06:57,175 --> 00:07:00,510 This is the fifth one today and it's the least hostile reaction we've seen. 135 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:05,281 Okay, well, everyone that I showed the beta to loved it. Loved. 136 00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:07,483 - Oh, shit. - What? 137 00:07:07,518 --> 00:07:09,784 Who did you give the beta to? 138 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:13,122 - Your friends. Engineers. - Well, yeah, Monica. 139 00:07:13,157 --> 00:07:15,357 I wanted to give it to people who would understand 140 00:07:15,392 --> 00:07:18,026 what I'm trying to do, so I could get useful feedback. 141 00:07:18,061 --> 00:07:19,978 And with all due respect, I gave it to you, the 142 00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:21,696 one person without a computing background, 143 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,165 and you said it felt engineered. 144 00:07:25,901 --> 00:07:27,701 - Oh, shit. - Yeah. 145 00:07:27,737 --> 00:07:29,604 You're trying to sell the platform to regular people, 146 00:07:29,639 --> 00:07:33,441 but you never actually put it in the hands of regular people. 147 00:07:33,476 --> 00:07:34,609 Like them. 148 00:07:34,644 --> 00:07:36,477 Shouldn't there be a download button? 149 00:07:36,513 --> 00:07:40,180 Did they honestly forget to add a download button? 150 00:07:40,215 --> 00:07:43,150 You know what, Richard, why don't we just go... 151 00:07:43,185 --> 00:07:45,485 I mean, who designed this thing? 152 00:07:45,521 --> 00:07:47,920 I did. I designed it. 153 00:07:49,090 --> 00:07:50,557 Excuse me? Who are you? 154 00:07:50,592 --> 00:07:54,060 Uh, my name is Richard Hendricks, I'm the CEO of Pied Piper. 155 00:07:54,095 --> 00:07:55,094 Oh, my God. 156 00:07:55,130 --> 00:07:56,929 Oh, you're the one 157 00:07:56,965 --> 00:07:58,830 who forgot the download button. 158 00:07:58,866 --> 00:08:00,699 Yes. 159 00:08:00,734 --> 00:08:02,501 But no. No, actually, 160 00:08:02,537 --> 00:08:04,436 there is no download button because, um, well, 161 00:08:04,472 --> 00:08:06,372 you don't need a download button. We're past that. 162 00:08:06,407 --> 00:08:08,140 I mean, that's the old thing. This guy, actually, 163 00:08:08,176 --> 00:08:09,441 he should have told you that. 164 00:08:09,477 --> 00:08:11,243 I'm a moderator, not an advocate. 165 00:08:11,279 --> 00:08:12,911 Okay, well, with Pied Piper, 166 00:08:12,946 --> 00:08:15,680 you don't need to download anything or send anything at all, 167 00:08:15,715 --> 00:08:21,018 anywhere, because the second you take a photo or a video or compose a text message, 168 00:08:21,054 --> 00:08:23,388 it's on all of your devices instantly. 169 00:08:23,423 --> 00:08:25,590 - So it's all on my phone? - Yes. 170 00:08:25,625 --> 00:08:28,726 Wrong! It says "zero K used," so it's not on there. 171 00:08:28,761 --> 00:08:31,062 Aha! Aha... 172 00:08:31,097 --> 00:08:33,630 Yes, well, that's the best part about the platform right there. 173 00:08:33,666 --> 00:08:37,401 Yes, uh, because you're right, it's not actually on the phone. 174 00:08:37,436 --> 00:08:40,837 But you don't need it to be on the phone 175 00:08:40,872 --> 00:08:43,440 if you can see it on the phone, 176 00:08:43,475 --> 00:08:46,009 even though there's nothing there at all. 177 00:08:46,044 --> 00:08:48,511 But... where the hell is it? 178 00:08:48,546 --> 00:08:50,713 Everywhere. 179 00:08:50,748 --> 00:08:53,249 And nowhere, sort of. 180 00:08:54,652 --> 00:08:56,985 Let me, uh, let me just take a step back here 181 00:08:57,021 --> 00:08:59,422 and explain it in a simpler way. 182 00:08:59,457 --> 00:09:01,357 - Um, sorry, what was your name? - Bernice. 183 00:09:01,392 --> 00:09:03,892 Bernice. What did you have for breakfast today? 184 00:09:03,928 --> 00:09:06,628 - Scrambled eggs. - Scrambled eggs. 185 00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:08,796 And what's in the eggs? 186 00:09:08,832 --> 00:09:10,298 Electrons. Right? 187 00:09:10,334 --> 00:09:13,602 And we all know how electrons exist in orbitals. 188 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,803 Multivalent states? No? 189 00:09:15,839 --> 00:09:17,339 No one knows this? Okay. 190 00:09:17,374 --> 00:09:20,475 Okay, that's fine. Bad example. That's on me. 191 00:09:20,510 --> 00:09:22,509 I'll... I'm going to use the whiteboard here. 192 00:09:22,545 --> 00:09:25,713 You're gonna... you're gonna love this. Okay. 193 00:09:25,748 --> 00:09:28,515 Then, once we hit a critical mass of users, 194 00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:31,352 the volume of data moving through the system 195 00:09:31,387 --> 00:09:34,688 will enable the neural net to start optimizing the platform. 196 00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:37,858 It will actually get smarter and faster all on its own. 197 00:09:37,893 --> 00:09:42,295 Is that like when I'm texting and my phone starts guessing what I'm going to say? 198 00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:44,163 This goes way beyond autocomplete. 199 00:09:44,198 --> 00:09:48,067 Actually, all of your devices will begin helping each other 200 00:09:48,102 --> 00:09:50,202 in ways that we can't even design or predict. 201 00:09:50,238 --> 00:09:55,808 Okay, but see, the problem is... Terminator. 202 00:09:55,843 --> 00:09:59,378 What? No. No, no. No, no, no. No. 203 00:09:59,413 --> 00:10:03,114 I can assure there is no Skynet type of situation here. 204 00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:07,286 No. Pied Piper will in no way become sentient and try to take over the world. 205 00:10:07,321 --> 00:10:09,588 He just told us he couldn't predict it. 206 00:10:09,623 --> 00:10:13,057 I'm just saying... everybody died. 207 00:10:13,093 --> 00:10:15,125 Mm-hm, yeah. - You're right. 208 00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:18,763 In those movies, there were a lot of casualties. 209 00:10:18,798 --> 00:10:22,065 - Quite scary to think. - It's food for thought. 210 00:10:22,101 --> 00:10:23,534 Speaking of... 211 00:10:23,569 --> 00:10:26,504 Can we order some pizzas in here? 212 00:10:29,409 --> 00:10:32,942 So, when we put our files into a Pied Piper folder, 213 00:10:32,977 --> 00:10:36,374 they get split up into tiny bits and spread 214 00:10:36,399 --> 00:10:39,616 across a network of other users' devices? 215 00:10:39,651 --> 00:10:42,919 Yes, that's, uh, peer-to-peer distribution. Continue. 216 00:10:42,954 --> 00:10:44,721 But they can't look at any of our files 217 00:10:44,756 --> 00:10:48,190 because they only have tiny, scrambled pieces of them? 218 00:10:48,225 --> 00:10:50,592 - Encrypted sharding. - Clark with the assist. Great. 219 00:10:50,628 --> 00:10:51,537 Uh, go on. 220 00:10:51,562 --> 00:10:54,262 But we can look at any of our files anytime, 221 00:10:54,298 --> 00:10:58,567 anywhere even though they're not actually on any of our devices. 222 00:10:58,602 --> 00:11:01,570 Yes. Yes, Bernice, that's it. 223 00:11:01,605 --> 00:11:03,839 That's Pied Piper. That's everything. 224 00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:07,208 So it's all on our phones even though it sort of isn't. 225 00:11:07,243 --> 00:11:09,844 Oh, my God. That's awesome. 226 00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:11,312 Isn't it? Yeah. 227 00:11:11,348 --> 00:11:14,014 So, uh, what do you think? Will you use Pied Piper now? 228 00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:16,551 - Well, yeah, I think I will. - Me, too, 229 00:11:16,586 --> 00:11:19,186 - now that you've explained how it works. - There you go. 230 00:11:19,222 --> 00:11:21,555 That's what we've been aiming for. 231 00:11:23,191 --> 00:11:24,224 They get it! 232 00:11:24,259 --> 00:11:26,125 What's he smiling at? 233 00:11:26,161 --> 00:11:29,629 This data was corrupted the second he walked in that room. 234 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:35,469 So we're tanking, and it's because we're too good. 235 00:11:35,504 --> 00:11:38,071 That's one way of looking at it. Uh, yes. 236 00:11:38,106 --> 00:11:40,939 Yes, we have created a product so far ahead of its time, 237 00:11:40,975 --> 00:11:44,042 people are having difficulty wrapping their heads around it. 238 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:47,012 Well, then we just need to change the platform, right? 239 00:11:47,047 --> 00:11:49,582 - We simplify it. - Well, we can't. 240 00:11:49,617 --> 00:11:52,885 It's not as if I don't want to, it's just that we literally can't do it. 241 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:56,788 Um, if you build an airplane and people are afraid of anything that flies, 242 00:11:56,823 --> 00:11:58,723 you can't just take the wings off of it, because, 243 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,825 at that point, all you're left with 244 00:12:00,861 --> 00:12:04,295 is a really slow, super expensive shitty bus. 245 00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:07,064 No, uh, we built an airplane, we got to fly it. 246 00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,934 What's the point of flying if it's fucking empty? 247 00:12:09,969 --> 00:12:11,736 I think people will want to fly 248 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:14,738 once they realize how cool the platform is. 249 00:12:14,774 --> 00:12:17,541 Guys, I know we're in a tough spot right now, 250 00:12:17,576 --> 00:12:19,576 and I know we needed a quarter million DAU's 251 00:12:19,612 --> 00:12:22,479 in order to get our next round of funding, but this is it. 252 00:12:22,515 --> 00:12:24,415 I think we can do this. All we got to do 253 00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:26,917 is just take every last dollar that we have, 254 00:12:26,952 --> 00:12:28,952 which is, uh... Sorry, uh, Jared, what? 255 00:12:28,987 --> 00:12:32,288 Well, after the Table ads, 256 00:12:32,323 --> 00:12:35,658 the salaries, recruiter fees... 257 00:12:35,693 --> 00:12:37,460 You know what? I haven't run the numbers. 258 00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:39,495 It would be irresponsible to estimate. 259 00:12:39,531 --> 00:12:42,765 Okay, uh, is it less than a million dollars? 260 00:12:42,801 --> 00:12:45,802 - Oh, God, yeah. - Okay. 261 00:12:45,837 --> 00:12:48,703 - It's higher than 500,000, right? - Yeah. 262 00:12:48,739 --> 00:12:54,976 I guess it's about $697,240. But don't quote me on that. 263 00:12:55,011 --> 00:12:59,548 Okay, we use that money to do outreach, tutorials, 264 00:12:59,583 --> 00:13:03,818 user meetups, uh, create a guerrilla marketing campaign 265 00:13:03,853 --> 00:13:06,887 that explains how cool the platform is. 266 00:13:06,923 --> 00:13:11,124 I know it's not ideal, but, um, I really think we can pull this off. 267 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,860 Yeah, that seems doable. 268 00:13:12,895 --> 00:13:14,061 Lie. 269 00:13:14,096 --> 00:13:17,998 Or here's another idea. We could put the platform on hold, 270 00:13:18,033 --> 00:13:21,267 take the money we have left and pivot to something 271 00:13:21,302 --> 00:13:23,703 that doesn't require hours of explanation. 272 00:13:23,738 --> 00:13:27,273 You know, I've been showing people the video-chat app 273 00:13:27,308 --> 00:13:30,042 - that I hacked together and... - Shut up, Dinesh! 274 00:13:30,078 --> 00:13:32,745 You ungrateful pricks, all of you. 275 00:13:32,781 --> 00:13:38,383 Your tepid response to our intrepid boss makes me ill. 276 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:42,320 His plan, will it work? Mm-mm. 277 00:13:42,356 --> 00:13:43,956 Almost certainly not. 278 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:46,358 All of you will likely look back at this time in your lives 279 00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:50,228 and realize you wasted a whole year with nothing to show for it. 280 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:54,165 But if this company is a plane, then this is Richard's goddamn plane, 281 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,401 and if he wants to fly it in the side of a fucking mountain, 282 00:13:57,436 --> 00:14:01,005 that is his prerogative and it is our duty to climb on, 283 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:05,476 strap in and have a fiery death right behind him. 284 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,546 I don't... I don't know about that, but... 285 00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,548 Richard, the floor. 286 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,917 Crashing aside, I think this is the plan and, uh, 287 00:14:13,952 --> 00:14:17,787 really, what other option do we have? 288 00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:20,891 Well, I know what option I have. 289 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:24,394 I can quit. So I quit. 290 00:14:24,429 --> 00:14:28,064 Okay. Any... anybody else? 291 00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:31,266 Guys, no. 292 00:14:31,301 --> 00:14:33,268 Look, Douglas, 293 00:14:33,303 --> 00:14:35,170 customer support is going to be a big part of this. 294 00:14:35,205 --> 00:14:38,240 We need you guys if we're going to get 250,000 users. 295 00:14:38,275 --> 00:14:40,242 I barely have any customers to support, Richard. 296 00:14:40,277 --> 00:14:41,977 And the only way you're going to get that many users 297 00:14:42,013 --> 00:14:44,279 is if you go to one of those click farms in Bangladesh 298 00:14:44,314 --> 00:14:47,181 and pay for them. Good fuckin' luck, man. I'm out. 299 00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:49,951 - Guys, wait. - Jared, let them go. 300 00:14:49,986 --> 00:14:51,719 I have to do their exit interviews. 301 00:14:51,755 --> 00:14:54,121 I guess I can do them on their walk to their cars. 302 00:14:54,157 --> 00:14:57,458 Richard, we're better off without them. 303 00:14:57,493 --> 00:14:58,793 Lie. 304 00:15:02,432 --> 00:15:06,199 This is intolerable. A man can only take so much. 305 00:15:06,234 --> 00:15:08,702 Banished from my own company? No. 306 00:15:08,737 --> 00:15:12,606 I'm just going to give them what they want. I'm going to resign. 307 00:15:12,641 --> 00:15:16,009 We can go to Haiti, build orphanages. 308 00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,678 Haiti? 309 00:15:19,948 --> 00:15:24,750 Is it not said that one should think globally and act locally? 310 00:15:24,786 --> 00:15:26,385 I'm not acting at all. 311 00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:30,856 Lao Tzu teaches the best fighter is never angry. 312 00:15:30,892 --> 00:15:34,794 More important than the blow is knowing when to strike. 313 00:15:34,829 --> 00:15:38,196 Like, perhaps, after we experience 314 00:15:38,231 --> 00:15:43,534 the executive white water rafting trip in Coeur D'Alene? 315 00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:47,472 Gavin, do you have a moment? 316 00:15:47,507 --> 00:15:49,074 Yes. 317 00:15:49,109 --> 00:15:50,775 Alone? 318 00:15:50,811 --> 00:15:52,844 Of course. Denpok? 319 00:15:52,879 --> 00:15:54,311 What? 320 00:15:54,346 --> 00:15:56,714 Give us a moment, please? 321 00:16:01,220 --> 00:16:04,521 Gavin, I'm really not supposed to be talking to you, 322 00:16:04,556 --> 00:16:07,224 but there's something I think you should know about. 323 00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:08,460 I'm listening. 324 00:16:08,485 --> 00:16:12,061 A customer service rep that just left Pied Piper 325 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:15,264 is on campus right now interviewing for a job. 326 00:16:15,299 --> 00:16:17,800 Why would anyone leave Pied Piper now? 327 00:16:17,836 --> 00:16:21,403 I thought maybe you'd want to ask him yourself. 328 00:16:22,573 --> 00:16:25,775 Well done. Well done. 329 00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:29,011 Okay. Thank you for coming in, Douglas. 330 00:16:29,046 --> 00:16:32,247 - Yeah. - Right this way. Okay. 331 00:16:34,652 --> 00:16:38,086 - Uh... - Douglas. 332 00:16:40,090 --> 00:16:42,758 Consider the possum. Nature's... 333 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:45,559 Gavin, if you're bringing another animal into this board room, 334 00:16:45,594 --> 00:16:49,296 - this meeting is over. - Of course not. Don't insult me. 335 00:16:49,331 --> 00:16:52,833 Gentlemen and lady of the Hooli board, 336 00:16:52,869 --> 00:16:55,870 I am the possum to which I refer. 337 00:16:55,905 --> 00:16:58,673 Playing dead to outwit those who wish me harm. 338 00:16:58,708 --> 00:17:00,274 But it's time to end the charade. 339 00:17:00,309 --> 00:17:02,175 I'm sorry, Gavin. What charade? 340 00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:04,377 For months, I've led the world to believe 341 00:17:04,412 --> 00:17:06,546 that my Endframe division was pursuing 342 00:17:06,581 --> 00:17:08,281 a broad-based compression platform 343 00:17:08,316 --> 00:17:10,616 in direct competition with Pied Piper. 344 00:17:10,652 --> 00:17:15,521 But secretly, I knew that any such platform was destined to fail. 345 00:17:15,557 --> 00:17:17,657 But Pied Piper is not failing. 346 00:17:17,693 --> 00:17:19,925 It's the most popular app in the Hooli store. 347 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,494 One of the most installed, yes. 348 00:17:22,529 --> 00:17:25,664 But I happen to know, because I make it my business to know, 349 00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:28,333 that their daily active user numbers are abysmal. 350 00:17:28,368 --> 00:17:32,504 So, you were never developing a platform. 351 00:17:32,539 --> 00:17:33,939 Why didn't you tell us this? 352 00:17:33,974 --> 00:17:36,574 Says the chairperson of the board 353 00:17:36,609 --> 00:17:39,343 that recently asked for my resignation. 354 00:17:39,378 --> 00:17:43,948 Trust cuts both ways. I thought it best to leave you out of it. 355 00:17:43,983 --> 00:17:47,484 I'm sorry, Gavin. I'm just finding all of this impossible to believe. 356 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,855 If you were never building a platform, what did we just spend 357 00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:53,090 three-quarters of a billion dollars on? 358 00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:54,657 I'm not going to tell you. 359 00:17:54,693 --> 00:17:57,828 Instead, I'm going to let the new head of product 360 00:17:57,863 --> 00:18:00,496 for Hooli/Endframe tell you. 361 00:18:02,534 --> 00:18:04,134 Hello, everyone. 362 00:18:04,169 --> 00:18:07,037 I'm Jack Barker, and I'm very excited 363 00:18:07,072 --> 00:18:12,041 to introduce Hooli/Endframe's newest product... 364 00:18:12,076 --> 00:18:15,745 We call it The Box. 365 00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:18,748 Pied Piper's loss is Hooli's gain. 366 00:18:18,783 --> 00:18:21,784 May the best product win. 367 00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:28,556 Can I get you a shirt, sir? There you go. 368 00:18:28,591 --> 00:18:31,559 Actually, let me ask you a question, uh, Emily. 369 00:18:31,594 --> 00:18:33,527 What did you have for breakfast today? 370 00:18:33,563 --> 00:18:35,363 - Um, yogurt. - Okay. 371 00:18:35,398 --> 00:18:38,166 And, uh, we all know what's in yogurt, right? 372 00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,702 Electrons. Multivalent states. 373 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,674 Welcome to the Pied Piper Informational Seminar. 374 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,744 Now, what is Pied Piper? Excellent question. 375 00:18:50,780 --> 00:18:52,980 Here it is. 376 00:18:53,015 --> 00:18:56,817 One of your Hooli/Endframe boxes would go right here in this rack. 377 00:18:56,852 --> 00:19:00,154 Okay, let me show you the next location 378 00:19:00,189 --> 00:19:04,556 in which we would install one of your boxes. 379 00:19:04,592 --> 00:19:08,094 Congratulations, Jack. And congratulations to you, Gavin. 380 00:19:10,665 --> 00:19:12,665 - Hey, John? - John? 381 00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,333 John? 382 00:19:14,368 --> 00:19:16,169 A lot of people have raised their hands, uh, 383 00:19:16,204 --> 00:19:19,037 throughout this seminar saying, Hey, is thing like the Terminator? 384 00:19:19,072 --> 00:19:21,206 Uh, no. Not at all. 385 00:19:21,241 --> 00:19:23,208 Hi, how big are your files? 386 00:19:23,243 --> 00:19:26,278 Dodge Challenger? Hoodie? 387 00:19:42,494 --> 00:19:45,395 - John? - Yo! 388 00:19:45,431 --> 00:19:47,898 - John? - John! 389 00:19:47,934 --> 00:19:49,900 - John! - John! 390 00:19:49,936 --> 00:19:51,835 This is Pied Piper, guys. Okay? 391 00:19:51,870 --> 00:19:53,837 If I could just explain it one more time. 392 00:19:53,872 --> 00:19:57,807 Guys? Please don't leave. I beg you. 393 00:19:57,843 --> 00:20:00,476 Hi, Bernice. Yeah. 394 00:20:13,657 --> 00:20:16,558 We kind of thought we nailed it with Tables, 395 00:20:16,593 --> 00:20:19,995 but you say you want something light, fun, inviting. 396 00:20:20,030 --> 00:20:22,831 But most of all, you want something that delivers 397 00:20:22,867 --> 00:20:25,867 a step-by-step guide to all of the nuances of your platform. 398 00:20:25,902 --> 00:20:26,577 Yeah. 399 00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:28,602 All of this with the caveat that you don't have enough money 400 00:20:28,637 --> 00:20:32,673 - for even a minuscule ad buy. - Um, yes, that's right. 401 00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:34,708 That's a pretty small target to hit. 402 00:20:34,744 --> 00:20:38,079 Anyway, here's what we came up with. 403 00:20:40,383 --> 00:20:44,284 Oh, hello, welcome to Pied Piper. 404 00:20:44,319 --> 00:20:49,222 How can I help you? 405 00:20:49,258 --> 00:20:52,492 What in the name of fuck is that? 406 00:20:52,527 --> 00:20:56,196 Well, his name is Pipey, 407 00:20:56,231 --> 00:20:59,499 the Pied Piper Piper. 408 00:20:59,534 --> 00:21:02,594 He's fun. And, uh, you know, the demo's interactive. Just... 409 00:21:02,619 --> 00:21:05,170 Looks like you want to compress a movie file! 410 00:21:05,206 --> 00:21:08,573 Can I help? You know, with Pied Piper's revolutionary 411 00:21:08,609 --> 00:21:12,144 neural network, optimized, sharded data distribution system, 412 00:21:12,179 --> 00:21:17,515 it's just six clicks away! Follow me! 413 00:21:17,550 --> 00:21:20,285 - I like it. - That's a fuckin' lie. 414 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,563 Yeah. 415 00:21:21,588 --> 00:21:25,290 So, Richard, you want us to take the most sophisticated 416 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:28,226 and technically complex compression based platform 417 00:21:28,261 --> 00:21:33,097 - ever created and add that? - Still here! 418 00:21:34,666 --> 00:21:39,169 Well, after the booths at CES and South by Southwest, 419 00:21:39,204 --> 00:21:41,477 all of our outreach, the Dodge Challenger... 420 00:21:41,503 --> 00:21:42,639 Still here! 421 00:21:42,674 --> 00:21:46,043 Plus, all the cost of working up, you know, this, 422 00:21:46,078 --> 00:21:51,747 - we are pretty much all out of money. - Follow me! 423 00:21:53,084 --> 00:21:55,084 Okay. 424 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,719 Uh-oh! Somebody seems confused! 425 00:21:57,755 --> 00:21:59,888 Let me walk you through Pied Piper's proprietary 426 00:21:59,924 --> 00:22:04,226 peer-to-peer content distribution system, consisting of... 427 00:22:09,967 --> 00:22:12,200 Richard? Are you indisposed? 428 00:22:12,235 --> 00:22:14,069 Richard, can I come in? 429 00:22:16,906 --> 00:22:19,841 Richard, I'm... I'm sorry the guys didn't like Pipey. 430 00:22:19,876 --> 00:22:22,677 It's over, Jared. 431 00:22:22,712 --> 00:22:26,813 Well, you know, a lot of animated characters have rough starts. 432 00:22:26,849 --> 00:22:31,285 Early Bugs Bunny cartoons were just garish displays of anti-Japanese hysteria, 433 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,520 and now he's the face of Warner Bros. 434 00:22:33,555 --> 00:22:37,124 I'm not talking about Pipey, Jared. I'm talking about Pied Piper. 435 00:22:37,159 --> 00:22:41,995 We're dead. We fought Gavin Belson, Russ, Hooli, 436 00:22:42,030 --> 00:22:44,230 the lawsuit, that fucking box, 437 00:22:44,265 --> 00:22:46,899 all so we could build our platform the way we wanted to. 438 00:22:46,934 --> 00:22:51,904 And we did, but I guess you just can't fight public opinion, 439 00:22:51,939 --> 00:22:55,975 except for one woman named Bernice. 440 00:22:56,011 --> 00:23:01,113 Face it, Jared, being too early is the same as being wrong. 441 00:23:01,148 --> 00:23:02,780 Hey. 442 00:23:04,885 --> 00:23:09,521 - We'll figure it out. - I don't know if we will. 443 00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:12,657 Besides, I think I'm getting tired of being kicked in the balls. 444 00:23:12,692 --> 00:23:15,193 Come on, we have a few weeks of runway left. 445 00:23:15,229 --> 00:23:16,793 Uh, I don't want to say exactly how much. 446 00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:18,862 Again, I'm not comfortable estimating, but... 447 00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:22,666 Take what's left of it and divide it up amongst the guys. 448 00:23:22,701 --> 00:23:25,469 I mean, it won't be anywhere close to what you're owed in back pay, 449 00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:27,505 but at least it's something. 450 00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:30,374 Don't give up. Richard, come on, not yet. 451 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,910 We've got to hang on, we've got to see what happens. 452 00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:34,810 Something will turn around. I know it will. 453 00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:38,248 You really believe that? Absolutely. 454 00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:43,019 Gilfoyle's right, you're... you're a terrible liar. 455 00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:48,058 Um, just, uh, set an all-hands for tomorrow at 9 a.m. 456 00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:51,893 And I'll... I'll tell the gang. 457 00:23:51,929 --> 00:23:53,662 It's over, Jared. 458 00:23:57,168 --> 00:24:01,002 And lastly, our deal to furnish Endframe boxes 459 00:24:01,038 --> 00:24:03,738 to Maleant Data System Solutions has officially closed, 460 00:24:03,774 --> 00:24:06,737 putting us far ahead of even the most optimistic 461 00:24:06,763 --> 00:24:09,277 profit targets issued by this very board. 462 00:24:09,312 --> 00:24:13,414 Gavin, it appears we owe you an apology. 463 00:24:13,450 --> 00:24:16,350 We'd like to restore your full status as CEO and chair 464 00:24:16,386 --> 00:24:20,754 with a significantly revised bonus and stock options package. 465 00:24:20,790 --> 00:24:22,756 Thank you. 466 00:24:22,792 --> 00:24:24,724 Of course, apology accepted. 467 00:24:24,759 --> 00:24:27,760 I would like nothing more than to move forward 468 00:24:27,796 --> 00:24:30,430 in a harmonious and productive manner. 469 00:24:30,466 --> 00:24:32,265 Actually, with that in mind, 470 00:24:32,301 --> 00:24:34,901 there's something I'd like to show you. 471 00:24:34,936 --> 00:24:37,704 It's outside. Is... is that all right? 472 00:24:37,739 --> 00:24:40,673 A little field trip, if you will? 473 00:24:42,176 --> 00:24:44,343 Just down here. 474 00:24:44,378 --> 00:24:45,911 A little farther. 475 00:24:45,946 --> 00:24:48,046 We're almost there. 476 00:24:48,082 --> 00:24:51,717 Just out here, everyone. Almost there. 477 00:24:57,658 --> 00:24:59,290 Consider the elephant. 478 00:24:59,326 --> 00:25:05,997 Legend has it its memory is so robust it never forgets. 479 00:25:06,032 --> 00:25:08,199 And I assure you, gentlemen of the Hooli board, 480 00:25:08,235 --> 00:25:11,869 and lady, neither do I. 481 00:25:23,382 --> 00:25:27,083 Okay, guys, uh, 482 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:31,821 we need to have a serious discussion about the future of the company. 483 00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:36,025 What? Why is everyone smiling? 484 00:25:36,060 --> 00:25:37,993 Richard, something happened last night. 485 00:25:38,029 --> 00:25:43,166 The daily active users are up, way up. 486 00:25:43,201 --> 00:25:45,968 - Look at it. Look. - Really? 487 00:25:46,003 --> 00:25:47,503 Holy shit! 488 00:25:47,539 --> 00:25:49,971 Did we just get 7,000 users in a day? 489 00:25:50,006 --> 00:25:51,273 We sure did! We're back! 490 00:25:51,308 --> 00:25:53,475 I don't know if it was the outreach 491 00:25:53,510 --> 00:25:56,578 or the tutorials, but we seem to be getting traction. 492 00:25:56,613 --> 00:25:58,813 Richard, you pulled us out of a nosedive. 493 00:25:58,848 --> 00:26:04,286 Of course, inevitably, we will run out of fuel and plummet towards the Earth, 494 00:26:04,321 --> 00:26:07,921 leaving only a crater behind of torn flesh and excrement, 495 00:26:07,956 --> 00:26:10,391 but in the meantime, we are flying high! 496 00:26:10,426 --> 00:26:12,293 Yeah. I guess we are. 497 00:26:12,328 --> 00:26:14,761 You know, it's crazy, just last night I was, uh, 498 00:26:14,797 --> 00:26:17,665 telling Jared that I thought we should shut down the company. 499 00:26:17,700 --> 00:26:20,901 Well, perfect timing then, huh? 500 00:26:24,506 --> 00:26:27,173 Uh, excuse me. I should get this. 501 00:26:28,643 --> 00:26:29,942 Hey, Jared. 502 00:26:32,380 --> 00:26:35,448 - Are those numbers legit? - Of course. 503 00:26:36,918 --> 00:26:39,652 - All right, then. - This is Jared. 504 00:26:39,688 --> 00:26:41,753 So, are we happy? 505 00:26:41,788 --> 00:26:43,855 Yeah. Worked out great. 506 00:26:43,890 --> 00:26:47,926 So let's keep the 7,000 users that I bought 507 00:26:47,961 --> 00:26:50,995 and add another thousand a day for the next week. 508 00:26:51,031 --> 00:26:53,298 You got it, buddy.