Good morning, Metropolis. I'm your host, Lois Lane.
And I'm your co-host, Clark Kent.
And we're here to help make the start of your day...
Just a little bit brighter. Right, Clark?
Right. A little less brighter.
Could we start over?
No problem. Let me know when you're ready.
Great.
[Clark clears throat]
Look, I appreciate you helping me audition
I'm angry you didn't tell me
how badly Oliver was doing, but you're here anyway,
so please don't make me wish you weren't.
It's okay, Lois. You don't need to get all worked up like you usually do.
Well, excuse me, Mr. "I'm slow and steady
and know what's best for everyone."
This happens to be important to me.
With newspapers on the endangered-species list,
news television is my one and only backup plan.
Don't you think you can be a little less dramatic with this whole thing?
Oh, you could be a little more passionate
with this whole thing, but not you.
Not mild-mannered Clark Kent. Do you even care if I get this job?
Of course I care. I bought a new tie.
- Oh, I bought a whole new outfit. - Yeah, you look great.
- Don't do that. - Do what?
Don't you dare reassure me right now.
Lois...
I'm only doing this for you.
How else am I gonna get that second date?
Well, you should have thought about that before you stood me up the first time.
[Man] Work lights, please.
Thanks, guys. That'll do.
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry, we weren't...
Really, one more time would be great.
That's it for today.
What do you say you come in bright and early Monday morning
and give it another whirl?
You got the job. Congratulations.
Great. Aahl
I guess this means you forgive me.
Well, let's just say I won't forget about you when I go national.
Oh, actually, we want you both.
I'm sorry?
Oh no. He's just here to help me.
I am more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy.
Oh, that's good. That's real. That's what people want nowadays.
Besides, you two, you have great chemistry,
like hepburn and Tracy, Regis and Kelly.
It's a package deal, guys. Either you both stay, or you both go.
[Sighs, chuckles]
[Inhales]
[Opening theme song playing]
Somebody save me
let your warm hands break right through
somebody save me
don't care how you do it
just stay, stay
come on
I've been waiting for you
I made this whole world shine for you!
Just stay, stay
come on!
[Chloe] Hey!
From the look on your face,
I'm guessing "good morning Metropolis" wasn't so good.
- Did Lois get the job? - Yeah.
So did I.
They'd only hire us as a team.
[Chuckles]
How do I get myself into these things?
So, what's your first story?
Online dating.
They want us to tape ourselves on dates,
set up through the Internet and then coffee-talk about them on the show.
Wow!
Tackling morning television to get back into Lois' good graces.
You know this has got to be one of your bravest moves yet.
Well, as much as I care about Lois, there's nothing more important
than finding the Kandorians.
Clark...
You've been galloping around the globe,
tracking down every Kryptonian crop circle we've found.
And every time, the Kandorian who came with it was long gone.
That doesn't mean I'm gonna stop looking.
I think it's time to start looking a little closer to home.
Tess has been reinforcing her firewalls,
and she's cut the feed to all her security cameras.
Now, given her attraction to all things alien...
You think she's building her own area 51.
Let me use watchtower to take a sneak peek at her files.
All right. I'll see what I can find on my end.
Clark, you've done everything you can.
You chose to come back to your daily planet double life
as a cover. That's what you need to focus on.
Just for today, leave the Kandorians to me.
- What are these? - Release forms from kzxp.
They want us to fill them out before we go on our dates.
I have to get a date before I can go on one, Clark.
I'm still filling out my online profile.
If you want these mainframe matchmakers to pick you a winner,
you really have to be careful to choose just the right words.
Ifilled mine out in 10 minutes this morning.
I guarantee that's the only 10 you're getting out of it.
Well let's see what you wrote.
Under "likes," you have the theater.
You mean movie theater.
Details.
Favorite drinks, you have "bubbly." Yeah, if it comes in a six-pack.
I do like a six-pack.
Lois, there's nothing on here about monster trucks.
- You love monster-truck rallies. - This is morning television, Clark
monster trucks are not gonna guarantee me a guy
who will impress the home viewers.
Look there are a lot of good things about you
that would attract a lot of great guys.
[Sighs] Really? Like what?
[Stammers] W...
You're Lois.
Thanks, Clark.
But I already filled out my name. Good luck on your date.
I'm sure you'll sweep her off her feet.
[Keys clacking]
[Heavy metal music playing]
[Groans]
Straight to the face!
[Groans]
[Crowd cheering]
That's right.
Yeah! All right!
Why you got to keep making me hunt you down?
Besides, how are you supposed to pay me back
if you keep running away?
- Rick. - Now, come on.
We wouldn't want anything to happen to that pretty little face of yours.
That's your money-maker, baby.
[Engine revving]
Nice wheels.
Nice leather.
Still, nothing compares to Aston Martin's original v8 vantage.
You know your cars.
[Engine revving]
Whoa!
Whoa! Uh, why don't you take it easy, there, speedy?
I'm trying to stay away from life in the fast Lane.
So why are you cruising for company?
Well, I'm not cruising for company, actually.
I was looking for you.
I've seen you fight.
You got speed, strength. You're talented.
Why do you care?
I'm just, somebody trying to help you fix your life.
That last guy was twice your size,
kept on beating you down and you just kept coming back after him.
I don't bruise that easily.
Well, maybe not on the outside.
I know what I'm talking about, Mia,
because I used to fight for the same reasons that you do.
It never mattered who was standing across from me,
because the real battle was with myself.
I can train you...
To teach you how to overcome your fear,
all that hate in your heart,
and get you off the streets.
[Mumbles indistinctly]
My hero.
So what's this help gonna cost me... hero?
Just a little time...
Time enough for me to prove to you that you can trust me.
[Engine revving]
Look, I can handle any hacker, okay. But I think that you should know
someone's trying to get through to us right now,
and I think they're pretty good. So...
Then be better.
Fix the situation, Stuart,
or I'll have you terminated.
Okay. By terminated, though, you mean fired, right?
Right?
Thank you all for coming today.
For years, I've tried to steer LuthorCorp towards
more environmentally conscious projects.
I just had to prove that going green
also meant going up on the stock exchange.
Because thanks to the cutting-edge technology
we've acquired through our new partnership with r.A.O. Incorporated,
I believe this project will put LuthorCorp on top,
Metropolis on the map, and our planet back on course.
[Speaks indistinctly]
I give you the world's first completely self-sustaining solar tower.
This one tower will generate enough clean energy
to power all of Metropolis.
[Applause]
Bravo, Tess.
Congratulations on an exceptionally well-realized effort.
Zod.
I never expected to see you here.
Oh, interesting,
seeing as I am now chairman and ceo of r.A.O.
[Applause]
Please, please. Hold your applause and save it for the real hero.
Our stunning hostess, Tess Mercer.
And by taking on this project,
she is making my simple dream
of harnessing the powers of the sun a reality.
So here's to Tess Mercer...
Our savior.
I swear to you all this tower will change the world.
[Ominous music playing]
[Footsteps approaching]
Here Clark, sound-check time.
[Clears throat]
Just say, "one, two, three."
One, two, three?
Put it in your ear first, big guy.
Huh.
Just tap it once to turn it on.
[Beep]
One, two, three!
Wow Smallville, talk about green.
It's like your first day at the daily planet all over again.
Does this mean I'm about to hear Lois Lane's rules of online dating?
There really is only one rule when it comes to dating, Clark.
Show up.
Like after you ask someone to a monster-truck rally,
it's a good idea to show up to the date.
Maybe we should talk about this when we're not being taped.
Okay, Clark.
Let's talk about something else.
Like your online-dating profile.
But that was supposed to be private.
I'll give you this. You definitely were honest.
But admitting that you grew up on a farm
is either going to get you a date with a country mouse
or a cougar looking for her next meal.
[Catherine] Hi. Clark?
I'm Catherine.
Or not.
- Hello, Catherine. - Hi.
- Ha... ha... have a seat. - Okay.
I've seen these blind-date shows on television before,
but I never actually thought I would go on one.
This isn't live, is it?
They're taping it to air at some other time.
If you can't take the heat, sister, get out of the cafe
sorry [chuckles]. I have this, really annoying ringing in my ear.
I understand. I'm nervous, too.
I can barely hear anything over my own heartbeat.
Oh, please!
Just try to treat this like any other date.
That's the problem. I'm kind of busy so I don't go on
dates much.
Well what is it that keeps you so busy?
Well, until recently, I was overseas...
Skiing in Switzerland, modeling in Milan.
Where I was working in the peace corps.
But then I decided to come to Metropolis to take my phd.
I couldn't decide between sociology or social justice
so I'm doing both.
Is she for real?
Congratulations, Clark.
You're dating Mother Teresa in 6-inch heels.
[Chuckles]
Great
[chuckles]
[Door closes]
You're welcome.
- I didn't thank you. - Well, you should,
because while your teams were out scouring the globe, failing to find us,
I was using our considerably evolved intelligence to make LuthorCorp
the most technologically advanced company on earth.
And the question is what do you want in return?
Someone who betrayed us.
The one you call the blur.
I'm flattered you think, of all the people on this planet,
that I'd know how to find the blur, but...
You disappoint me, Tess.
But I'll play your game.
The blur's blood was used as an antidote to a virus
that swept through Metropolis weeks ago.
We were able to get a sample of that blood.
We took it to the lab to be tested.
Instead, every last drop had been destroyed...
At your request.
What are you talking about?
Since you chose to destroy the blur's blood samples,
I'm guessing you're trying to protect him,
maybe for some altruistic reasons,
or maybe you want to use him as a bargaining chip.
I helped free your people from that orb
because I'd hoped you'd save humanity from itself.
But the only way I can make sure that happens
is ifwe're equal partners.
No human will ever stand on equal footing with a Kandorian.
Make her tell you where this blur is.
Or kill her.
Yes, major.
[Police siren in background]
Ollie, I need your help.
It's not a good time Lois.
You know how Clark and I have
this side job hosting "good morning Metropolis"?
Clark Kent's hosting morning television?
I can't wait to watch him show me how to bake a cake.
Well, our first report does have some heat,
but it's not about baking.
They set us both up on blind dates.
[Laughing]
Clark's on a blind date?
Talk about footage of a train wreck.
Well, you might want to save the space on your dvr,
because here's the kicker.
He did great.
You want to be better.
That's why I'm here.
I need you to tell me my red flags.
Red flags?
You know, anything about me that annoyed you while we were together.
I bought a killer dress. I reserved the entire ace of clubs.
But if I don't identify my deal-breakers,
they're gonna cancel this date before it even gets to air.
Well, call it selective memory or short attention span,
but I only remember the good things.
Like how you used to brush your hair back
when you were nervous, of...
You used to call out football plays in your sleep.
Thanks for the workout, Ollie, but time's up.
Do you think you could pay me in smaller bills?
Nice towel, honey.
Where will she put the money?
See the thing is, we were just sparring.
Don't worry, Ollie, I'm not here to judge.
I just kind of hoped you'd spend more than one week clean
before you got back in the gutter.
- Uh... - Sorry I interrupted your sparring.
[Chuckles nervously]
Lois.
[Police siren wailing]
[Keys clacking]
[Beep]
[Sighs] Finally.
Another firewall?
That's right, my hapless hacker you have been served.
[Beeping]
What? Already?
Damn. You are fast.
Okay.
I see your anonymous proxy filter
with your reinforced protocol encryption,
and I raise you one rewritten a.C.L.
Denied.
Okay.
Now you made me angry.
[Cracks neck]
[Keys clacking]
I thought you said no strings attached.
I'm not trying to sleep with you, kid,
but if you think a pebble in your shoe is painful,
wait till you feel what a $50,000 watch will do.
Thank you. Why don't you look around?
Why would you want to go back out on the streets?
You don't get it.
If I can finish paying off what I owe Rick, I'm done.
I'm free.
Well, how much do you owe Rick? I'll cover it.
And then I'd owe you. I don't think so.
- I'm not that kind of guy. - Don't tell me about types, okay?
I know them all, Rick's type, your type,
political types, twisted types. And I'm sick of all of you.
Well, I'm not gonna trap you here, Mia.
I would just like to see you do something with your life
that you can actually be proud of.
Why would you help someone like me?
Because I know what it feels like to be stuck
in a place that you feel there's no escape from.
And my friends...
Helped me find the way out.
[Sighs] If I stay...
It's gonna cost you.
Way ahead of you.
I went ahead and had my staff buy you some clothes.
I'm sure you'll find something in there that you like.
Oh, and hey.
I hope you dress as fast as you drive,
'cause I'm gonna need you to drop me off somewhere.
[Exhales]
- You got anything stronger? - Of course.
[Chuckles]
The last thing you need is a drink, Lois.
Thanks, Clark. You sound like my mother on prom night.
[Sighs]
How do I look?
If this were a prom, you'd be crowned queen.
Your date's a lucky man.
Do I detect a note ofjealousy
from the notoriously nice Clark Kent?
Careful my date doesn't hear you.
He mightjust have to take you down.
I'd like to see him try.
You know what they say, all's fair in love and war.
And what's it gonna be for us, Lois, love or war?
Clark.
It sounds like you're asking me out on another date.
If I was, would you say yes?
I'll tell you what I'd say.
Oliver?
- What are you doing here? - Well, you wanted this television tryst
to make an impression, right Lois?
My blind date... is with you?
Well, technically, your blind date's leaving in the elevator.
I paid him to go seek his 15 minutes of fame somewhere else.
[Laughs]
[Tires screeching]
You tell smiley he shows up light one more time,
he's gonna go home in a box. You understand me?
Yeah, I got ya.
I wasn't sure you'd show up, Princess.
This should finish paying off what I owe you.
It belongs to Oliver queen.
He's probably got 20 of these things. The guy's richer than the Luthors.
A safe bet says he's got a safe
stuffed with cash some place...
Which is why I want you to show us
where you dropped him off tonight.
Rick.
Did you honestly think I would let you go?
Mia, honey, you're my top earner, baby.
So you remember if you run, I will find you.
If you move to another city, my friends will hunt you down.
No second chances.
[Laughs]
Wow!
I always kind of took you for a beer girl.
No, no. Um...
Only the finer things in life for Lois Lane.
Oh yes, right. Of course.
Then a toast.
[Laughs] Let's not.
[Quenches]
Oliver.
It's bad enough that I catch you dragging yourself through the mud again,
but now you're bound and determined to ruin my date.
Okay, that meeting that you walked in on, that was...
Someone I was actually helping.
Oh... [laughs]
Well, you obviously helped her out of her clothes.
Very funny. And I'm not here to sabotage you.
I just thought your audience might want a date with Metropolis'
most eligible billionaire bachelor.
That'd be me.
[Chuckles]
I guess it wouldn't hurt the ratings.
Okay.
You got 10 minutes to explain yourself.
Well, I'm only gonna need one,
because there's really only one reason why I came here.
I never finished saying what it is that I loved about you.
[Laughs]
Lois, what's going on?
I don't know.
Let me just skip to the end.
The thing I love about you the most...
Is that you're still in my life...
Because you're still in my heart.
[Sighs]
Check, please.
Lois.
Sorry, Clark.
Couldn't this heart-to-heart have waited until the cameras were off?
I'm not hiding my feelings anymore, Lois.
And I kind of figured by saying all that stuff with the cameras on,
I could prove that to you.
I had no idea
you still had such strong feelings.
I went to a really dark place, Lois.
And I think it took going there
and coming back to realize...
You're the best part of my life.
I love you, Oliver,
as a dear friend...
Which is why I have to be totally honest with you.
Clark.
Yes.
[Clears throat]
I'm happy you know what you want.
I guess it just hurts knowing it's not me.
I am so sorry.
[Sniffles, clears throat]
Good night, Lois.
[Horn honks]
Oliver.
I said I was your friend, and I meant it.
I am not going to let you wander down any more dark alleys.
Thank you.
But you don't have to worry about me, Lois.
I'm all about embracing life right now. I'm not trying to end it.
Good.
You know what I mean? Trying to take the right kind of chances.
And you, my friend, were definitely a chance worth taking.
Thank you.
[Sighs]
Is towel girl your driver now?
- Maybe your plan "b"? - Very funny. Her name is Mia.
And come on. I'll introduce you for real this time.
Mia.
Hey. Mia.
I'm sorry.
Oliver.
- [Cocks gun] - Uh-uh.
What's your hurry?
Oh, hey...
Great work today.
Have you seen the new marketing ad?
I have high hopes for you, too.
So did I.
- You said you wouldn't hurt him. - Back in the car, Mia.
Tell me you didn't pick prince charming here over Oliver.
Shut up and get in your carriage, cinderella.
Get off of me!
[Beep]
Pretty boy's worth billions,
but you're not worth the headache.
[Gun cocks]
- I can't let you do this. - Check this out.
Streetwalker thinks she's a street fighter.
What are you gonna do, Mia?
- Stay where you are. - You gonna gun me down?
You don't have it in you. You're no hero.
[Cocks gun]
[Gunshofl
Go! Go!
Come on! Let's go! Go!
Lois.
[Air whooshes]
[Gun explodes]
[Air whooshes]
[Rick groaning]
You will respect me.
Leave me alone.
I'm afraid I can't do that.
Excuse me?
I had to wait until we were locked down for the night
so we won't be interrupted.
You're Kandorian.
And I have a message from major Zod.
Tell me where the blur is...
Or you die.
- You find a lead on the Kandorian? - I've run every play in my playbook
to try and access Tess' files
but she's got one hell of a defensive line.
The good news is I've only counted 100 firewalls,
so I think I'm actually about to score.
Greetings, estimable foe, whoever you are.
Now, I'm guessing, since you've made it this far,
you probably haven't slept and your fingers are getting cramped up.
So I thought I would take it upon myself to do you a big favor
and just say, "give up."
I can do this all day and all night.
I'm sure you already get the picture. So talk to the hand.
Heho, hand.
Stuart Campbell, graduate of mit, talk to these hands.
Nice work, Chloe.
So it looks like Stuart Campbell is Tess' tech boy wonder.
And he has done some pretty heavyweight hacking of his own.
Government databases, corporations.
Wow, we could do a lot with this kind of leverage.
Maybe even get him to join us.
You'd even match.
Clark, this guy is so good,
every time I'd get close, he'd show up and block me.
I know the feeling.
Lois and Oliver. Seeing him with her, it's been a long time
since he looked that happy.
Clark, just stop, okay?
Your willingness to sacrifice yourself for others is a great strength for sure.
But when it comes to your own happiness, it's a weakness.
Oliver's been through a lot lately, and we're all friends.
Lois is not up for auction.
Look, for once, try not to second guess things.
All you have to do is ask yourself, what do you want?
- Lois. - Did you hear?
The brilliant brass at over at kzxp
have decided to go with someone else for their morning show.
- Lois... - After everything that happened,
after Ollie and I almost got killed...
Guess who they've decided to go with.
Apparently blonds test better with morning viewers.
- Lois. - I'm sorry.
I never should have tried out in the first place,
or dragged you there with me...
[Closing theme music playing]