1 00:00:01,961 --> 00:00:02,837 [both laughing] 2 00:00:02,962 --> 00:00:04,130 Oh, boy. 3 00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:06,298 Beefcake. - I'll tell you. 4 00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,134 That is a hoot and a holler. - [sighs] 5 00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:09,677 This next episode is definitely 6 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,429 both Trey and I's favorite episode. 7 00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:13,889 It's called "Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride." 8 00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,349 In it, Stan finds out 9 00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,476 that his dog Sparky is a homosexual. 10 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,188 [Male Voice] How did your preoccupation with homosexuality develop? 11 00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:22,898 Well, we have noticed that America 12 00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:25,234 definitely has a preoccupation with gayness, 13 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,861 but we felt there was a part of homosexuality 14 00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:28,571 that has been left unexplored, 15 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,199 and that's animal homosexuality. 16 00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:34,702 [Male Voice] I know people are curious about the two of you too. 17 00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:36,704 Are you guys, uh... 18 00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,539 a couple, if you know what I mean? 19 00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,708 You--you mean, are we gay? 20 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,209 Yeah. 21 00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:45,087 Well, I am a little. 22 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,797 I guess we're all a little gay. 23 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:49,759 Even little Scratch here. - Yeah. 24 00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:52,178 [Male Voice] You must have gotten a lot of mail on this episode. 25 00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:53,471 What kinds of stuff do you get in the mail 26 00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,347 from fans in general? 27 00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:58,309 We have great fans and great fan mail. 28 00:00:58,434 --> 00:00:59,810 People write such interesting, 29 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,812 fascinating things to us every week. 30 00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,689 Let me give you an example. 31 00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,108 "Dear Trey and Matt, 32 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,027 I like your show." 33 00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:10,988 That's from Tom in New Jersey. 34 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,659 [Male Voice] Why does Kenny have to die so often and so horribly? 35 00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:16,744 both: Because he's poor. 36 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,454 [softly] Aw. 37 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,206 [Male Voice] Guys, is there stuff you put into the show 38 00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:22,833 that's subliminal, kind of like a little reward 39 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:25,044 for the fans who are really paying attention? 40 00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,130 Yes. We definitely feel we owe it to our hardcore fans 41 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,841 to put hidden subliminal messages in every episode. 42 00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,718 That way, they can watch the episode over and over 43 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,011 and find something new every time. 44 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:35,054 For instance, in this episode, 45 00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,847 if you look really hard, 46 00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:39,517 you can find a picture of me having sex with Matt's mom. 47 00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:40,893 What? 48 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,354 So now sit back, relax, and enjoy 49 00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:45,773 "Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride." 50 00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:48,400 [pleasant music] 51 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:58,619 [twangy music] 52 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,121 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪ 53 00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:02,123 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪ 54 00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:03,833 all: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 55 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,376 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 56 00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,836 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪ 57 00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:08,671 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 58 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,381 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 59 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:11,882 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪ 60 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,384 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪ 61 00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,136 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 62 00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:18,305 [singing indistinctly] 63 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,807 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪ 64 00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,559 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪ 65 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,936 Hey, where's the school bus? 66 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,646 We're gonna be late for football practice. 67 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,398 Hiya, Sparky. - Who's that? 68 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:28,691 That's my new dog Sparky. 69 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,151 He followed me to the bus stop. 70 00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:31,694 Wow, cool! - Good boy, Sparky. 71 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,154 Who's my best buddy? 72 00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:34,780 Who's your boy? Who's your buddy? 73 00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:36,824 Ugh. You're making me sick, dude. 74 00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,784 He's part Doberman and part wolf. 75 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,536 He's the toughest dog on the mountain. 76 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,788 No way. Everybody knows that Sylvester 77 00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,624 is the toughest dog in South Park. 78 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,126 [growling] 79 00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:48,586 He's not meaner than Sparky! 80 00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,171 Oh, yeah? Let's see. 81 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:51,255 Hey, Sylvester! 82 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,756 Sparky'll kick his ass! 83 00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:54,508 I'll put a dollar on Sylvester. 84 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:55,801 You're on, dude. 85 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,637 That's it, Sparky, kick his ass! 86 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,765 [dogs panting] 87 00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:04,435 Huh. He's doing something to his ass. 88 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,395 He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely 89 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,980 doing something to his ass. 90 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,690 Sparky, bad dog! 91 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,192 [mumbling] 92 00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:12,276 What? - Yeah, dude. 93 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:13,360 I think your dog is gay. 94 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:14,653 What do you mean? 95 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,614 That dog is a gay homosexual. 96 00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:17,865 [dogs panting] 97 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,533 He's just confused. 98 00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,285 I think the other dog's the one that's confused. 99 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:22,369 [mumbling] 100 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:23,746 Sick! Shut up, dude. 101 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,206 [whining] 102 00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:26,957 ♪ Stan's dog's a homo ♪ 103 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:29,084 ♪ Stan's dog's a homo ♪ 104 00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,129 Okay, children, I know that you're all 105 00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,381 extremely excited and nervous and anxious 106 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:37,343 about the homecoming game against Middle Park. 107 00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,969 Who's Middle Park? - What's homecoming? 108 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,679 But just remember what I taught you 109 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,598 that football is like making love 110 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,309 to a really beautiful woman. 111 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:48,020 You can't always score, but when you do, 112 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,648 it makes all the trying worthwhile. 113 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,692 Now let's start practice. [whistle blows] 114 00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:55,027 Uh, Mr. Chef, sir? 115 00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:56,612 Yes, Pip, what is it? 116 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,905 I still don't have a helmet. 117 00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,114 I know, Pip. 118 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,115 The school can't afford helmets 119 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,367 for everybody. 120 00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:02,952 Yes, but couldn't we rotate 121 00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,370 who doesn't have a helmet every week? 122 00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,871 Does it always have to be me? 123 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:08,249 Yes, Pip, I'm afraid it does. 124 00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,708 Oh. - Sorry, son. 125 00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,460 Now get your ass in there. 126 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,921 Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut. 127 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,881 Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, 128 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,049 hut, hut, hut. 129 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,760 Hike the damn ball! 130 00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:21,845 [grunts] - [screaming] 131 00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:22,888 Hey, how's practice 132 00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,014 coming there, Chef? 133 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,474 Huh? Oh, fine, fine. 134 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,892 I don't have to remind you 135 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,602 just how important this game is 136 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,354 to us South Park alumni. 137 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:31,897 Elementary school alumni? 138 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,565 That's as far as most of us got. 139 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,567 You think we have a shot at beating the spread 140 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:37,152 against Middle Park this year? 141 00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,363 I don't know. What--what's the spread? 142 00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:42,241 Middle park by 70 points. - Hmm. 143 00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,368 Hey, I got it! - I got it, I got it! 144 00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,829 I don't think we have a chance. 145 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,498 Nonsense, not with my nephew a quarterback. 146 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,041 Right, Stanley? 147 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,251 Huh? 148 00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:54,295 [grunts] 149 00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:58,299 Attaboy! - Great pass, Stan! 150 00:04:58,424 --> 00:04:59,633 Come on, Ned, we got to get our asses 151 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,218 to the bookie! 152 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,803 [whistle blows] 153 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,431 Okay, that was a good practice, children. 154 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,308 We'll see you here again tomorrow. 155 00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,143 Hey, Stan, isn't that your dog? 156 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,645 Yeah, he must have followed me to football practice. 157 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,188 You see, he is smart. 158 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,773 Uh, my dog Rex follows me 159 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:17,026 to football practice all the time. 160 00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,986 Yeah, but my dog found his own way here. 161 00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,404 That makes him smarter than your-- 162 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,323 [dogs panting] Sparky, get down! 163 00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,283 Oh, my God, what is he doing to my dog? 164 00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:25,617 There he goes again. 165 00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:27,202 Get down, Sparky, down! 166 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,871 Stan forgot to mention that his dog 167 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,289 is a gay homosexual. 168 00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:31,832 Make him stop! 169 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,917 [yelping] 170 00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,712 [laughing] I'm sure glad my dog isn't gay! 171 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,673 Yeah, maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan. 172 00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,301 [laughing] Gay dog. 173 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,013 And so you see, Simon and Simon 174 00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:47,765 were not brothers in real life, 175 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,641 only on television. 176 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,353 Thank you for that presentation, Eric, 177 00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:54,563 but the assignment was on Asian cultures. 178 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,773 You get a D-minus. 179 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:57,358 Aw, damn it! 180 00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:59,318 Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat? 181 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:02,696 How about Stan, our little South Park quarterback star? 182 00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:03,906 Oh, good idea. 183 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,491 Okay, Stanley, you're next. 184 00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,201 Um, I'm not really prepared either. 185 00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:09,661 Well, just make something up like Eric did. 186 00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:11,121 Okay, um, 187 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,790 Asian culture has... 188 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,375 plagued our fragile Earth for many years. 189 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,459 We must end it-- 190 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:16,835 Excellent. A-minus! 191 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,920 Hey! - Wow, cool! 192 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:18,962 Wait a minute! 193 00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:19,963 Why the hell does he get 194 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,131 an A-minus? 195 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,508 Eric, Stanley just might 196 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:23,801 lead our team to victory 197 00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:25,177 against the Middle Park Cowboys 198 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,845 for the first time in decades. 199 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,555 And we treat star athletes better 200 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:29,932 because they're better people. 201 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,016 That's not fair! 202 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,017 Life isn't fair, kiddo. 203 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,310 Get used to it. 204 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,145 Stupid puppet. [bell rings] 205 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,189 Don't forget your assignments tonight, children. 206 00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,358 They're due tomorrow for everybody but Stan. 207 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,235 Mr. Garrison, can I ask you a question? 208 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,945 Of course, Stanley. What is it? 209 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,280 What's a homosexual? 210 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,740 Oh, well, Stanley, 211 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,659 I guess you came to the right person. 212 00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:50,119 Sit down. 213 00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,580 Stanley, gay people... 214 00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,542 well, gay people are evil. 215 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,752 Evil right down to their cold, black hearts, 216 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,838 which pump not blood like yours and mine, 217 00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,714 but rather a thick vomitus oil 218 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,383 that oozes through their rotten veins 219 00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:06,260 and clots in their pea-sized brains, 220 00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:08,387 which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns 221 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,013 of violent behavior. 222 00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:12,641 Do you understand? - I guess. 223 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,893 Good, I'm glad we could have this little talk, Stanley. 224 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,395 Now you go outside and practice football 225 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,188 like a good little heterosexual. 226 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,482 ♪♪ 227 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,526 You guys see me block that defense today? 228 00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,278 I was kicking ass. 229 00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:25,737 You're gonna need to kick more ass than that 230 00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,156 to beat the Cowboys. 231 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,116 Hey, speaking of pounding ass, 232 00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,826 here comes Stan's little homo dog! 233 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,369 Shut up, dude! 234 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,329 Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf? 235 00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:35,581 [barks] 236 00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:36,582 Man, that is the gayest dog 237 00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:37,833 I have ever seen. 238 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:38,834 He just needs some training, 239 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:39,835 that's all. 240 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,295 Sit, Sparky. 241 00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,922 Good boy. Now shake. 242 00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,885 Good boy. Now don't be gay! 243 00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,220 Don't be gay, Spark. 244 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,221 Don't be gay. 245 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,639 [grunts] 246 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,057 Did it work? - I don't know. 247 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,976 He still looks pretty gay to me. 248 00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:59,188 Hey, Stan, your dog been to any pride marches lately? 249 00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,482 [laughing] Yeah, maybe you should take him 250 00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,192 to a Barbra Streisand concert. 251 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,610 [laughing] 252 00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:06,862 Stupid little gay dog. - Gay dog. 253 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,614 Come on, you guys. I have an idea. 254 00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:12,117 ♪♪ 255 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,331 I want $500 on the South Park cows. 256 00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,582 Are you crazy? 257 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,958 No, sirree, I'm telling you, 258 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,460 I got the line. 259 00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,504 My nephew Stan is the best quarterback 260 00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:25,088 the school's ever seen. 261 00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:27,883 I guarantee they'll beat the spread. 262 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,052 I'm gonna put all my money on the Cows. 263 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,387 I'll put $300 on the Cows too, if they guarantee... 264 00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:35,349 Hey, I want to put some money on the cows too. 265 00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,934 Whoa, whoa! 266 00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:38,977 Don't get too carried away, now. 267 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,146 You better be right about this, Jimbo. 268 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,648 [chuckles] Yeah. 269 00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:44,441 Uh, don't-- don't worry yourself. 270 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,693 Are you sure Stan is that good? 271 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,862 Well, not that sure. 272 00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,989 I think we better come up with a backup plan. 273 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,866 Uh, let's see here. 274 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,201 Hey, bookie, what-- 275 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,577 what's the halftime show gonna be? 276 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,246 You haven't heard? 277 00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,665 John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos 278 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,291 is gonna sing "Loving You". 279 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,751 I love that song. 280 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,128 "Loving you"? That's perfect. 281 00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:06,964 Come on, Ned, Middle Park's gonna get 282 00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,341 a halftime show they'll never forget. 283 00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,928 Okay, Sparky, we got you a present. 284 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,264 Now why don't--damn it, Sparky, 285 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,306 where do you keep getting this thing? 286 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,307 No pink bandana, Sparky. 287 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:18,308 Bad dog! 288 00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,643 Now pay attention. 289 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,062 Sparky, this is Fifi. 290 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:23,438 Ooh la la! 291 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:24,690 There he goes. 292 00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:26,483 Attaboy, Spark, get her! 293 00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:28,569 Yes! 294 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,657 Ah, crap. Now what do I do? 295 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:34,825 Who cares if your dog is gay? 296 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,034 Maybe it's not that bad. 297 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,411 No way, dude, my mom says 298 00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,121 God hates gay people. 299 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,165 That's why he smote the sodomies in France. 300 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,875 [mumbling] 301 00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,168 I know, Mr. Garrison said 302 00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,795 that homosexuals are evil, but... 303 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,380 but Sparky doesn't seem evil. 304 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,173 Well, maybe Mr. Garrison is wrong. 305 00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:51,174 You should ask somebody else. 306 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,759 Like who? 307 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,303 And now back to "Jesus and Pals" 308 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,471 on South Park public access. 309 00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,142 Yea, many of you are seeking answers, 310 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,769 and I am the way for you, my children. 311 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,812 Let's open the phone lines back up 312 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,272 for some questions. 313 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,232 Hello, caller, you're on the air. 314 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,568 Yeah, is--is this Jesus? - Yes, my son. 315 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:12,362 This is Robert from Torrey Pines. 316 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,990 I called last week asking for advice on my ex-wife. 317 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,367 Of course, Robert. How are things now? 318 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,744 Everything is much better, Jesus. 319 00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,495 She hasn't mouthed off since. 320 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,748 I just wanted to thank you for the advice. 321 00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,583 Oh, and for-- for dying for my sins too. 322 00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:25,792 That was really nice of you. 323 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,294 Blessed art thou, Robert. 324 00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,004 Next caller, you're on the air. 325 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,505 Uh, hi, Jesus? 326 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,966 I have a dog, and he's a-- 327 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:34,843 he's a homosexual. 328 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,179 My son, a lot of people have wondered 329 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,890 what my stance on homosexuality is, 330 00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,391 so I'd like to state once and for all 331 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,518 my true opinion. You see... 332 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,562 That's all the time we have left for "Jesus and Pals." 333 00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,856 Now stay tuned for "Marty's Movie Reviews." 334 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,691 Damn it! - What'd he say? 335 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,860 I got cut off for Marty's stupid movie reviews! 336 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,363 Oh, "Marty's Movie Reviews" are on? Kickass! 337 00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,156 Isn't there anybody who can help me? 338 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,866 Isn't there anybody who cares? 339 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,576 Come on, dude, we have to get to practice. 340 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,245 No, it's not okay. I don't want a gay dog. 341 00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:04,915 I want a butch dog. I want a Rin Tin Tin. 342 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,416 [sighs] 343 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,170 [melancholy music] 344 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:17,302 ♪♪ 345 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,848 Now, children, 346 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,309 we've got to handle the ball better. 347 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,769 You've got to hold your football 348 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,729 like you would hold your lover. 349 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,940 Gently, yet firmly. 350 00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,400 [funky music] 351 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,485 You want to be both nurturing 352 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,279 and clinging at the same time. 353 00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,073 Oh, yeah. 354 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:42,661 ♪ Just like making sweet love to the football ♪ 355 00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:45,414 ♪ Be naughty with the football ♪ 356 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,873 ♪ Mmm ♪ 357 00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:47,999 Uh, Chef? - ♪ Spank it ♪ 358 00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,960 ♪ Ever so gently ♪ 359 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,628 Chef? - ♪ Spank it ♪ 360 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:54,089 Chef! - Oh, uh, sorry, children. 361 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,632 Uh, let's run some plays. 362 00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,259 Ah, Mr. Chef, sir? 363 00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,053 No, Pip, we still don't have a helmet for you. 364 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,347 Righto, but how about I'll use a helmet today, 365 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,015 and one of the other children goes without. 366 00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:06,268 That wouldn't be very fair to the other children, 367 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,352 now, would it? 368 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,770 Oh, I--I guess not. 369 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,398 What we want to do here, Carl, 370 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,525 is put a trigger on that bomb that makes it go off 371 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,819 at a specific moment during halftime. 372 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,487 And what moment would that be? 373 00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,781 Well, John Stamos' older brother 374 00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,200 is all set to sing "Loving you" during halftime. 375 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,162 We want that bomb to go off when he hits that high F. 376 00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:26,329 What high F? 377 00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:27,372 You know... 378 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,040 ♪ Loving you ♪ 379 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:31,877 ♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪ 380 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,004 ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪ 381 00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,006 ♪ Ahh ♪ 382 00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,675 So you want the trigger on the "doot'n doo"? 383 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,887 No, damn it, the "Ahh"! 384 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,430 ♪ Ahh ♪ - ♪ Ahh ♪ 385 00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,140 [all singing] 386 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,767 Great. - ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪ 387 00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,560 ♪ Ahh ♪ - ♪ Doot'n doo-doo ♪ 388 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,645 You got it. - ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪ 389 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,272 both: ♪ Ahh ♪ 390 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,107 All right. Yeah, okay. 391 00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,275 What's the matter, Stan? 392 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,526 You seem down. 393 00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:57,944 I just--I can't concentrate 394 00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,279 'cause my dog is gay. 395 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,781 Well, you know what they say. 396 00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,575 You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks. 397 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,076 Oh, stop filling his head 398 00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,037 with that queer-loving propaganda. 399 00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:10,040 Say what? You of all people should be sympathetic. 400 00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,250 What do you mean? - Well, you're gay, aren't you? 401 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,795 What? What the hell are you talking about? 402 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,171 I am not gay! 403 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,173 Well, you sure do act like it! 404 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,176 I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass. 405 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:23,845 What's the matter, dude? 406 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,555 I don't know where Sparky is. 407 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,349 He usually follows me to football practice. 408 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,518 Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants. 409 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:30,602 Ow! 410 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:33,605 [melancholy music] 411 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:38,235 ♪♪ 412 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,238 [dramatic music] 413 00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:44,407 ♪♪ 414 00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,117 Hello there, little pup! 415 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,786 I'm Big Gay Al. 416 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,330 Have you been outcast? 417 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,874 Well, then, I'm so glad you found 418 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,751 my big gay animal sanctuary. 419 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,545 We're all big gay friends here. 420 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,296 Would you like to live with us? 421 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,132 Come on in, little fellow. 422 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,260 Nobody will ever oppress you here. 423 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,596 Have you guys seen Sparky? 424 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,098 He still hasn't come back. 425 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,599 Wow, it's been, like, two days. 426 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,142 I think he might have run away. 427 00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:12,686 Did you check the shopping mall-- 428 00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:13,770 Ow! - We'll help you look for him 429 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,188 after the game, Stan. 430 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:16,857 I'm not playing. - You what? 431 00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,149 I'm not playing in that stupid game. 432 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,151 I have to find my dog. 433 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,028 Come on, Ned, keep quiet. 434 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,488 Okay. 435 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,533 Hello there, Enrique. 436 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,577 What are we doing here? 437 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,870 Well, Ned, we always 438 00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,830 kidnap Middle Park's mascot. 439 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:34,708 But this year, we're gonna booby-trap it instead, 440 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,418 and when John Stamos' older brother 441 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,169 hits that high F in "Loving You," 442 00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,296 boom! 443 00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:40,922 No more Middle Park players. 444 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,133 [both laughing] 445 00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:45,427 God damn, I love football! 446 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,722 Sparky, where are you? 447 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,223 Where could he be? 448 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,434 [marching band music] 449 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,269 [all cheering] 450 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,521 ♪♪ 451 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,607 Hello, everyone, this is Frank Hammond, 452 00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,025 South Park Public Radio, AM 900. 453 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,484 Welcome to tonight's matchup 454 00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,986 between the Middle Park Cowboys 455 00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,821 and the South Park Cows. 456 00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,948 Well, it looks like Chef, the South Park Cows' coach, 457 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:07,991 is a little nervous. 458 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,034 This is probably because 459 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,076 his star quarterback 460 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,161 has yet to show up. 461 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,622 Oh, come on, Stan. 462 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,624 Uh, Mr. Chef, if Stanley doesn't show up, 463 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:16,625 can I use his helmet? 464 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,209 No, Pip, I'm sorry! 465 00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:20,045 Sparky! 466 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,671 Sparky! 467 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,549 Play ball! 468 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,092 You're gonna have to quarterback, Kyle. 469 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,594 But I never practiced quarterback. 470 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,804 It's a little late for that bullcrap now. 471 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,264 Filling in for quarterback 472 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,516 is number 12, Kyle "Broslovski." 473 00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,602 Hey, hey, where's little Stanley? 474 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,604 Yeah, why the hell is that little Jewish kid 475 00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,022 playing quarterback? 476 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,149 Ned, look. 477 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,653 They've got Enrique on their sidelines. 478 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,738 And it looks like that bomb is still attached. 479 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:47,781 Yay. 480 00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,909 [wind whistling] 481 00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,497 Hi, little fella, how are you doing today? 482 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,790 Fine, how are you? 483 00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,167 I'm super, thanks for asking. 484 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,627 My gay dog ran away and I was wondering 485 00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:02,045 if maybe he came here. 486 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,130 Well, let's see. Come on in. 487 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,883 Do you have lots of gay dogs here? 488 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,635 We have all sorts of gay animals here 489 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:09,886 at Big Gay AI's. 490 00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:11,346 Over here we have a gay lion. 491 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,639 Roar. 492 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,057 And we have gay water buffalo, 493 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,308 gay hummingbirds. 494 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,227 Here's a gaggle of gay gooses! 495 00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:20,397 Hi, fellas, it's so super to see you! 496 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,899 Wow, it seems like the animals here are really happy. 497 00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,985 Of course they are, silly buns! 498 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,486 It's the one place where gay animals 499 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:27,779 can really be themselves. 500 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:28,947 Do you like to dance? 501 00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:32,242 [electronic music playing] 502 00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,285 Cartman, you hike me the ball, 503 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,829 then somebody run, and I'll throw it or something. 504 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,163 Ready? all: Break. 505 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,707 You guys are toast. 506 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,583 Yeah, we're gonna pound your heads in. 507 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,044 We'll just see about that! 508 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,170 Set, set... 509 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,213 [farting] 510 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,548 Damn it, Cartman! 511 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,634 What's the matter? - Cartman farted! 512 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,386 No, I didn't! That was just my shoes. 513 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,721 Come on, Kyle, 514 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,639 we'll get a delay of game penalty! 515 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,308 No way, dude! - Hike the ball! 516 00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,685 Oh, dude, weak. 517 00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,228 That's right, you get back there. 518 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,813 Hike! - The ball is snapped. 519 00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,106 Middle Park blitzes. 520 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,566 [all shouting] 521 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,151 Fumble! Middle Park gets the ball. 522 00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:08,194 They run it in for a touchdown! 523 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:09,863 The score is 7-0, Middle Park, 524 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:13,033 with 14:57 remaining in the first quarter. 525 00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:14,617 Hells bells. 526 00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:15,785 I haven't seen a beating like that 527 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,120 since Rodney King! 528 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,538 Now, Frank, that's not very PC. 529 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,165 You're gonna get us in trouble again. 530 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,083 Right, right, I--I got to watch that. 531 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,002 If we lose our money 'cause of your nephew, 532 00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:26,129 we're gonna hang you out to dry, Jimbo. 533 00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,547 Don't y'all worry. 534 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,632 You just wait till halftime. [chuckles] 535 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:30,842 ♪♪ 536 00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,302 Sparky! 537 00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,220 Hiya, Sparky, how's it going? 538 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:36,097 [barks] - I missed you, old pal. 539 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,474 You really had me scared. 540 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,309 [barks] - Come on, let's go home. 541 00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,061 I can still make it in time for the game. 542 00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:43,146 We can work on making you not gay together. 543 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,647 ♪♪ 544 00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:45,774 Sparky? 545 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,067 Young man, it appears 546 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,693 you still don't understand. 547 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:49,694 What don't I understand? 548 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,945 Come this way. 549 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,655 I have to show you something. 550 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:54,532 With just over a minute to go in the half, 551 00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,868 the score is Middle Park Cowboys 52, 552 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,870 South Park Cows, zero. 553 00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,081 [all screaming] 554 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:03,208 Oh, my! I haven't seen an Englishman 555 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,627 take a blow like that since Hugh Grant! 556 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,504 Dude! Now, that is not cool. 557 00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,214 Sorry, sorry. 558 00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,799 Okay, Stan, I think you should get in line 559 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,717 for my big gay boat ride. 560 00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,011 Step aboard, Stanley. 561 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,514 [percussive music] 562 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,057 Hello, everyone, and welcome aboard 563 00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:20,058 the big gay boat ride! 564 00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,601 On this adventure, 565 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:22,727 we'll be seeing the world of gayness 566 00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,687 throughout time. 567 00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,689 And the South Park Cows are set to receive. 568 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,149 There's the kick. 569 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,944 It's taken by number 23, Kenny McCormick. 570 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,738 He's at the 50, the 40, the 30... 571 00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:35,240 [all shouting] 572 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,492 The little running back is down! 573 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,244 I think he's... 574 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,454 yes, he's been decapitated! 575 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,414 [gasps] Oh, my God, 576 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,707 they killed Kenny! 577 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,626 You bastards! 578 00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,211 That's got to hurt, Frank! 579 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,212 Ouch-eroo! 580 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:50,755 Hey, come on, 581 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,340 that was roughing! 582 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,634 At least let us scrape him off the field! 583 00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:56,302 Looks like the South Park Cows 584 00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,429 aren't even gonna beat the 72-point spread, 585 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,181 not by a long shot. 586 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,183 You see, gayness has existed 587 00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,977 since the beginning of time, 588 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,812 from the Egyptian pharaohs, 589 00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:08,064 to the shoguns of Japan. 590 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:11,151 Uh-oh, look out, it's the oppressors! 591 00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,736 Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh my! 592 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:14,988 [gunshot] 593 00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:17,407 Oh! Oh, gosh, that was close. 594 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,534 Okay, let's steer our big gay boat out of here 595 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,203 and into a place where gays are allowed to live freely. 596 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,457 all: ♪ We are gay and it's okay ♪ 597 00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,835 ♪ 'Cause gay means happy and happy means gay ♪ 598 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,420 ♪ We're not sad anymore ♪ 599 00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,880 ♪ 'Cause we're out the closet door ♪ 600 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,424 ♪ It's okay to be gay ♪ 601 00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:35,800 So what do you think, Stan? 602 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,343 This kicks ass. 603 00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,179 I'm sorry I tried to change you, Spark. 604 00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,930 I just didn't understand. 605 00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,515 Isn't this precious? 606 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,267 And now here to sing the touching song 607 00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,436 "Loving You" is the one and only, 608 00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:48,938 John Stamos' brother! 609 00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,315 All right, Richard! 610 00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,358 [piano music] 611 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,028 ♪ Loving you ♪ 612 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:59,324 ♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪ 613 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,035 ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪ 614 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,120 [off-key] ♪ Ahh ♪ 615 00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:05,705 ♪ Ahh ♪ 616 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:06,873 What the hell? 617 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,333 He didn't sing the high F! 618 00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,210 Richard Stamos can't sing a high F. 619 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,170 He always screws it up like this. 620 00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,672 Ned, we are gonna get our asses kicked! 621 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,174 ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ 622 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,634 It's obvious where all the talent 623 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,636 in that family went! 624 00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:23,973 Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al. 625 00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,308 [barks] - No problem, kids. 626 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,643 Are you sure you don't want to stay 627 00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:28,102 for some toasted cheese sandwiches? 628 00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,270 No thanks. I've got to get back 629 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,355 for the big football game. 630 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,481 Come on, boy. 631 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,107 Oh, Stan... 632 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,859 when you get back to town, 633 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,028 tell them about us, will you? 634 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,030 Tell them there are gay animals here 635 00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,491 who need homes, desperately. 636 00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:42,659 I will, Big Gay Al. 637 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:43,826 I will. 638 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,705 Oh, my carrot cake. 639 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,083 And these South Park Cows are being absolutely 640 00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:51,876 molested by Middle Park. 641 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,920 I haven't seen so many children molested since... 642 00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,505 I thought you said beating the spread 643 00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:57,257 was a sure thing, Jimbo! 644 00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,343 Yeah, we all put our life savings in this game! 645 00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:02,136 You're a dead man, Jimbo! 646 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:03,930 Well, this should just about wrap it up for-- 647 00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:06,099 wait a minute, what's this? 648 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:07,767 Yeah! Yoo-hoo! 649 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,228 It's Stan, the South Park star quarterback. 650 00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:12,272 Where the hell have you been, Stan? 651 00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:13,940 I've been getting my best friend back. 652 00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:15,650 Just get in there, boy. 653 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,235 Give 'em hell, Stanley! 654 00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:20,905 Jesus...now, I haven't asked you for much. 655 00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:22,907 But all we need is one little score. 656 00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,826 Please, please, Jesus. 657 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,244 Leave me alone. 658 00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:27,662 Hike! - Stan hikes the ball. 659 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:28,997 He steps back to pass. 660 00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,541 Hey, Stan, I'm open I think. 661 00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,918 And he throws it to Kyle, the little Jewish kid. 662 00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:37,005 Oh, my! 663 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,464 I haven't seen a Jew run like that 664 00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:40,216 since Poland, 1938! 665 00:21:40,341 --> 00:21:41,426 Dude! 666 00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:43,803 Touchdown! 667 00:21:43,928 --> 00:21:45,513 Yeah! - Whoo! 668 00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:47,140 The clock runs out, and the final score is 669 00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:49,017 Middle Park Cowboys 73, 670 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,893 South Park Cows 6. 671 00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:53,479 South Park beats the spread. 672 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:56,024 Yeah! Yoo-hoo! 673 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,525 Speech! 674 00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:59,193 Stan, what do you want to tell the world 675 00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:01,571 about this stunning almost victory? 676 00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:03,614 Uh, it's really cool 677 00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:05,408 that we beat the spread against the Cowboys. 678 00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:07,076 Yeah, all right! 679 00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:09,996 And maybe we can beat 'em even more next year. 680 00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,205 Whoo! 681 00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,416 And it's okay to be gay. 682 00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:15,668 What? 683 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,503 Being gay is just part of nature 684 00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:18,963 and a beautiful thing. 685 00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,923 What the hell is he talking about? 686 00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:23,343 Uh, Stanley, you arrived very late in the game. 687 00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:25,011 Where were you that whole time? 688 00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:27,138 I was with my new friend, Big Gay Al. 689 00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,057 He showed me his big gay animal sanctuary 690 00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:30,767 and took me on a big gay boat ride, 691 00:22:30,892 --> 00:22:33,186 where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety. 692 00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:36,689 It's true. I'll show you. 693 00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:41,444 But it was here. It was all right here. 694 00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:43,488 There--there was a techno dance club. 695 00:22:43,613 --> 00:22:45,490 Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup. 696 00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:46,866 All right? Seriously. 697 00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:48,242 I'm worried about you, man. 698 00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:49,660 Oliver! 699 00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:50,912 I thought you ran away 700 00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:52,622 all those months ago. 701 00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:53,623 Sidney! 702 00:22:53,748 --> 00:22:54,624 Willie! 703 00:22:54,749 --> 00:22:56,042 Carlos! 704 00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:57,377 I want to thank you so much 705 00:22:57,502 --> 00:22:59,045 for bringing everybody here. 706 00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:01,464 Oh, there you are, dude. How's it going? 707 00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,758 I'm super, thanks for asking. 708 00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:06,010 It looks like now my work here is done. 709 00:23:08,137 --> 00:23:10,181 Good-bye, Stanley. Peace be with you. 710 00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,224 Wow! 711 00:23:11,349 --> 00:23:14,102 [shimmering tone] 712 00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,562 You guys, you guys! I can do it. 713 00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:17,563 Do what? 714 00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:19,273 ♪ Loving you ♪ 715 00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:22,110 ♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪ 716 00:23:22,235 --> 00:23:23,111 ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪ 717 00:23:23,236 --> 00:23:24,570 both: No! 718 00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:25,822 ♪ Ahh ♪ 719 00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:29,784 ♪ Now you're a man ♪ 720 00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,160 ♪ A man, man, man ♪ 721 00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:32,829 ♪ Now you're a man, man ♪ 722 00:23:32,954 --> 00:23:34,372 ♪ Man, man, man, man, man ♪ 723 00:23:34,497 --> 00:23:36,541 ♪ Now you're a man ♪ 724 00:23:36,666 --> 00:23:38,084 ♪ M-A-N, man ♪ 725 00:23:38,209 --> 00:23:42,046 ♪ Man, man, man, man ♪ 726 00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:44,090 ♪ Now you're a man ♪