1 00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:03,838 And now a fireside chat 2 00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:05,214 with the creators of Comedy Central's "South Park, " 3 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,800 Matt Stone and Trey Parker. 4 00:00:12,972 --> 00:00:13,931 With a-- 5 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:18,477 [both vocalizing] 6 00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:19,687 Hello, I'm Trey Parker. 7 00:00:19,812 --> 00:00:20,855 And I'm Matt Stone. 8 00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:21,981 And this is ole Scratch. 9 00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:23,983 Say hi, old fella. 10 00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:26,360 This episode is called "An Elephant Fucks a Pig." 11 00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:28,070 But the networks had it changed 12 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,864 to "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig." 13 00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:31,532 Which is kind of silly, 14 00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,075 because if an elephant was on top of a pig, 15 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,535 it wouldn't be making love to it, 16 00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,663 it would be fucking it. 17 00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,290 Would you agree with the statement, "This episode 18 00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:41,292 confirms that Matt Stone and Trey Parker 19 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:43,627 are nothing but sick weirdos"? 20 00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:46,213 You know, what is so sick and wrong about two beings 21 00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,882 sharing the most intimate of moments? 22 00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:50,217 That's what I want to know. 23 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,678 Do you come at the gene splicing of DNA 24 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,305 from personal experience? 25 00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,015 Well, yes, I actually made Trey 26 00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,642 from splicing a tomato and a flounder. 27 00:00:58,768 --> 00:01:01,520 Guys, do you have strong ethical views 28 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,106 on whether we should tamper with nature in real life? 29 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,691 Well, both Matt and I think 30 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,735 that genetic engineering is great, 31 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:10,112 and that everything should be spliced with everything. 32 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,906 Why, that's the only way 33 00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:13,532 we're ever gonna become perfect beings. 34 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,159 Isn't that right, ole Scratch? 35 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,203 I think we should splice pigs with elephants 36 00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:19,121 and tomatoes with apples. 37 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,707 I myself would like to be spliced with Fiona Apple. 38 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,292 [abrupt guitar notes] 39 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,920 [laughs] [both laugh] 40 00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:28,005 And so now, sit back, relax, 41 00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:31,050 and enjoy "An Elephant Fucks a Pig." 42 00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:43,354 [twangy music] 43 00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:44,855 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪ 44 00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,857 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪ 45 00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,567 all: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 46 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,111 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 47 00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:51,570 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪ 48 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,405 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 49 00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,116 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 50 00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:56,617 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪ 51 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,119 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪ 52 00:01:58,244 --> 00:01:59,870 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 53 00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,040 [singing indistinctly] 54 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:04,542 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪ 55 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,627 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪ 56 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,547 Stan, where'd you get that black eye? 57 00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:11,757 Nothing, I mean nowhere. 58 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,467 Your sister beat you up again, huh? 59 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:14,844 No! - [chuckles] 60 00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:17,388 Yeah, your sister kicked your ass! 61 00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,014 She's just pissed off 62 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,182 'cause she got headgear at the dentist. 63 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,350 She's taking it out on me. 64 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,935 Yeah, but that sucks you 65 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,562 get your butt kicked by a girl, Stan. 66 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:25,896 I would never let a woman kick my ass. 67 00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,523 If she tried anything, 68 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,025 I'd be like, "Hey, you get your bitch-ass 69 00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,570 back in the kitchen and make me some pie!" 70 00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:34,530 My parents don't even believe that she beats me up. 71 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,323 They think she's all innocent and sweet. 72 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,992 But I know that she's an evil bitch. 73 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,326 Be a man, Stan. 74 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,328 Just say, "Hey, woman! 75 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:44,373 You shut your mouth and make babies!" 76 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,125 Hey, Kyle, what's that elephant doing? 77 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,668 You mean this one? 78 00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,461 Yeah. - He's my new pet elephant. 79 00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,755 Wow, dude. Where'd you get a pet elephant? 80 00:02:51,881 --> 00:02:53,465 I got it mail order from Africa. 81 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:54,842 The ad said it would take 4 to 6 weeks, 82 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,468 but it only took 3! 83 00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,429 Wow, that's cool! - No, it's not cool! 84 00:02:58,554 --> 00:03:00,139 My mom won't let me keep him in the house! 85 00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:01,390 She says he's too big and that its poop 86 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,975 is bigger than our couch. 87 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,186 That's why my mom got me a potbellied pig 88 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:07,062 because its poop is small. 89 00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,690 [muffled speech] 90 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:13,319 Well, yeah, but pigs aren't smart like elephants. 91 00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,779 Hey! Wait a minute! 92 00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:17,531 What is that thing? 93 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:21,285 Uh, oh. This is the new retarded kid. 94 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,871 Oh, I'm sorry, little girl. 95 00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,706 But you still can't get on. 96 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,876 You have to take the special ed bus! 97 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,920 [kids moaning and chattering indistinctly] 98 00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:33,047 Boy, it looks like you're not welcome anywhere, elephant. 99 00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,798 See you! 100 00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:36,842 If a woman ever gave me crap, 101 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,678 I'd say, "Hey, you go do my laundry!" 102 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,513 Sit down, kid! 103 00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:43,098 Yes, ma'am. 104 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,684 And now, children, our friend Mr. Hat 105 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:49,063 is going to tell us all about genetic engineering. 106 00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:50,856 That's right, Mr. Garrison, 107 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,068 genetic engineering is an exciting new science. 108 00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:56,487 You can splice DNA from some animals 109 00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,155 and make them better. 110 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,949 Mr. Garrison? - Yes, Kyle. 111 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,408 With genetic engineering, 112 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:02,868 can you make an elephant smaller? 113 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,704 Well, yes, I suppose you could. 114 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,790 You could splice elephant genes 115 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,251 with a dog or cat or potbellied pig genes. 116 00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:11,710 That's it! 117 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,587 I'm going to combine my elephant 118 00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,256 with a potbellied pig and make potbellied elephants. 119 00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:16,674 [all gasp] 120 00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:17,716 They'd be smart like elephants, 121 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,009 but small like pigs. 122 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,302 That'd be cool! 123 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,512 I want a potbellied elephant. 124 00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,055 Yes, I'll pay $50 for one. 125 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,181 That's stupid. 126 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,724 Shut up, Terrance! 127 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,309 We can genetical engineer anything we want. 128 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,811 Oh, yeah? I bet I can 129 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,521 genetically clone a whole human being 130 00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:32,356 before you crossbreed an elephant and a pig. 131 00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,525 I'll bet you can't! - Watch me, plebeian! 132 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,318 Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie. 133 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,778 Isn't this exciting? 134 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,114 Two A+ students in a cloning war. 135 00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:42,241 Yes, Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering 136 00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,743 lets us correct God's horrible, horrible mistakes, 137 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,245 like German people. 138 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:47,538 You know, you boys might want to visit 139 00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,248 the genetic engineering ranch 140 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,208 outside of town for help. 141 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,668 And you could both use this for your 142 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,670 science fair projects next month. 143 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,213 [bell rings] 144 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,173 Genetic engineering ranch? Sweet! 145 00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,550 Wait, wait. We still need a pig. 146 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,093 We can use Cartman's pig. 147 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,137 Hey! You leave Fluffy out of this! 148 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,514 We're not gonna hurt her. We just need some of her blood. 149 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,266 You're not using any of Fluffy's blood! 150 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:08,934 Else I'll kick you in the nuts! 151 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,186 Kyle? Kyle, no! 152 00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,980 Stanley, can I talk to you for a minute? 153 00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:14,732 Okay. - I couldn't help notice 154 00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:16,317 that black eye you have. 155 00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:18,193 Are there problems at home? 156 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:19,653 Yes. 157 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,281 Oh, dear. Here, Stanley, sit down. 158 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,949 Have some cocoa, 159 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,909 and tell your friend Mr. Hat all about it. 160 00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:28,037 I'm your friend Mr. Hat, Stan. 161 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,872 You can tell me anything. 162 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,498 Now, who hit you? 163 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,625 Is it your father or your mother? 164 00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:35,669 Neither. It's my sister. 165 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,713 Your sister? Oh, for Pete's sake. 166 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,173 Don't be such a little wuss! 167 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,591 Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time 168 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,176 with pansy little foo-foo problems 169 00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:44,553 and give me back my cocoa! 170 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:48,599 [moody string music] 171 00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:52,019 Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions. 172 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,145 Hey! 173 00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:56,940 Hi, Shelly. 174 00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,609 Are you looking at my headgear? 175 00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:00,152 Headgear? What headgear? 176 00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:01,779 Are you looking at my headgear? 177 00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,697 Oh, gosh, I didn't really notice. 178 00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,199 You little liar! 179 00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:06,950 No, I think it looks terrific! 180 00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,410 It matches your-- [screams] 181 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:12,331 [smacking and thudding] 182 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:13,332 [Stan continues screaming] 183 00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:15,918 [thudding] 184 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,086 [Stan continues screaming] 185 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:19,755 [Shelly panting] 186 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,217 [electricity zapping, Stan screaming] 187 00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,676 [glass shatters, Stan screams] 188 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,678 Ready to go, Stan? - Go where? 189 00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:28,305 To the genetical engineering ranch. 190 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,807 We got Cartman's pig so we can splice 191 00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:31,433 its genes with my elephant. 192 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,435 Nobody's splicing nothing from Fluffy! 193 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,355 I swear I'm gonna kill you, Stan! 194 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,107 Why is your sister so mean to you, dude? 195 00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,983 Yeah, If some sissy chick tried to 196 00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:43,237 kick my ass, I'd be like, "Hey, listen, 197 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:46,448 missy, why don't you go knit me a sweater 198 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,242 before I slap you in the face?" 199 00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:49,868 Who said that? 200 00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:55,749 [foreboding music] 201 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,876 This must be it. [thunder crashes] 202 00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,545 Yeah, looks like nobody's home. 203 00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,672 Guess we should come back some other time. 204 00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:03,340 No, Cartman. We're going in there 205 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,092 and splicing Fluffy and my elephant together. 206 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,511 It's okay, Fluffy, I won't let them hurt you. 207 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:08,929 It's just a stupid pig. 208 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,556 Yeah, quit being such a baby. 209 00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:11,890 Baby? Well, at least I don't get my ass 210 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,517 kicked by a girl! 211 00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:14,768 At least I'm not a little pig [bleep]! 212 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,353 Hey! I'm taking my pig and-- 213 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,522 Screw you guys! I'm going home! 214 00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,566 This whole idea is stupid anyway! 215 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,609 What the hell would you know, you fat, sweaty Mongoloid? 216 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,153 You never get higher than a D! 217 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,779 Hey! Why don't you go back to 218 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,906 San Francisco with the rest of the Jews? 219 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,909 There's no Jews in San Francisco, retard! 220 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,704 I'll kick you in the nuts! 221 00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:34,913 Can I help you? 222 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,291 [muffled scream] 223 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,001 Uh, yeah. 224 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,336 We wanna crossbreed an elephant with a pig. 225 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:42,671 Brilliant idea. 226 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,965 Huge, elephant-sized pigs. 227 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,925 No, no, we want to make little potbellied elephants 228 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,178 that people can keep in their houses as pets. 229 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,721 Oh, that's an even better idea. 230 00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,514 Come on in. 231 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,433 I'm so pleased that you children are interested 232 00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,101 in genetic engineering. 233 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:59,188 It's okay, Fluffy. Nobody's gonna hurt you. 234 00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,315 It's thanks to the wonders of genetic engineering, 235 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,192 that soon there will be an end to hunger, 236 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,527 disease, pollution, even war. 237 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,112 I've created things that 238 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,780 will change the world for the better. 239 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,992 For instance, here's a monkey with four asses. 240 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,577 [grumbles] 241 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,245 How does that make the world better? 242 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,664 And here, of course, is my four-assed ostrich 243 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,875 and my four-assed mongoose. 244 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,211 Do you have anything besides just animals with four asses? 245 00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:24,463 Oh, well, I suppose so. 246 00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:26,715 Oh, yes, over here. 247 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,842 Here I have rats spliced with ducks 248 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,886 and gorillas spliced with mosquitoes. 249 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,347 And here I have rabbits spliced with fish 250 00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,682 to make little bunny fish. 251 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,602 Hey, these bunny ears are tied on with little strings! 252 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,229 And over here, a Swiss cheese 253 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,314 spliced with chalk and a beard. 254 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,066 Well, what about our potbellied elephant? 255 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,193 Oh. Well, I'm sorry, children. 256 00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,780 But pig and elephant DNA just won't splice. 257 00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:52,366 Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy? 258 00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:53,492 Which song? 259 00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:54,660 [rock music] 260 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,078 ♪ Pig and elephant DNA ♪ 261 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,704 ♪ Just won't splice ♪ 262 00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,331 However, maybe I could help you 263 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,291 add a few asses to that swine of yours. 264 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,585 You can keep your hands off of Fluffy's ass! 265 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,087 You know, it's amazing what we can do 266 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,256 with a little blood sample these days. 267 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,423 Ow! - Hmm? 268 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,175 What? Excuse me. 269 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,094 Wait, what are you taking Stan's blood for? 270 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,512 Oh, pardon me, I tripped. 271 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,264 Could I have some hair, please? 272 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,224 Watch out, Stan, genetic engineers are crazy! 273 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,517 Come on, Fluffy! 274 00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:24,815 This gas is hurting my anus. 275 00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,358 Yeah, that's pretty fresh. 276 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,652 Ooh, I sure am hungry. 277 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,153 Hello, gentlemen. Any of you blokes know 278 00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:31,989 what's for lunch today? 279 00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,701 Lunchy munchies? Hmm? 280 00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,411 Go away, Pip, nobody likes you! 281 00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,538 Yeah, what kind of a name is Pip anyway? 282 00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,373 Well, my father's family name being Pirrip 283 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,458 and my Christian name, Phillip, my infant tongue-- 284 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,419 God damn it! Would you shut the hell up? 285 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:46,628 Nobody gives a rat's ass! 286 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:47,963 Yeah, go away, Pip. 287 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,590 Right-o. 288 00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:52,217 God. French people piss me off. 289 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,261 Hey, dumb asses! You morons give up 290 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,346 on your stupid science fair project yet? 291 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,265 No, we're already halfway done. 292 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,267 Halfway? Then all you've got 293 00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,685 is a stupid pig. 294 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:02,769 Yeah. - Probably a gay pig too. 295 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,979 Stupid gay pig. 296 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,147 It's more than you've got! 297 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,440 Wrong! We've already got 298 00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:09,735 our human clone well under way. 299 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,862 Oh, my God! They cloned a foot! 300 00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:15,157 Hey, I'll kick your ass! 301 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,950 Oh, ho! 302 00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,453 By Friday, we're gonna clone a whole human being. 303 00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,413 Good luck with your stupid little pig. 304 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,998 Hello there, children. - Hey, Chef. 305 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,791 How you doing? Both: Bad. 306 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,084 Why bad? 307 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,169 We need to genetically engineer 308 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,420 a pig and an elephant, 309 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,130 but their genes won't splice. 310 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,007 Oh, of course they won't splice, children. 311 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,092 Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy? 312 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,886 [rock music] 313 00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,471 ♪ Pig and elephant DNA just won't splice ♪ 314 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:39,473 A pig-elephant? 315 00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:42,309 Say, that's not a bad idea. 316 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,685 I told you guys. 317 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,896 Imagine a pint-sized elephant 318 00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,981 that you could keep in the house. 319 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:51,485 Children, we could make a fortune with this. 320 00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,362 You hear that, dudes? We'll be rich! 321 00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:55,697 Forget about all that genetic engineering hoosa fudge. 322 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,325 If you want to combine a pig and an elephant, 323 00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:01,370 just get them to make sweet love. 324 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,454 What? - I don't think an elephant 325 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,955 would make love to a pig. 326 00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,457 I don't think my pig would wanna 327 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,334 make love to that stupid elephant! 328 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,002 Sure they would, 329 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,462 but you're gonna have to get them in the mood. 330 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,630 Well, how do we do that? 331 00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:12,673 Do what I do, 332 00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,966 get them good and drunk. 333 00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,968 Hey, uh, you guys wanna come over? 334 00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,011 We've got work to do. 335 00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,262 I think it takes a while 336 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,806 for an elephant to get drunk. 337 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:21,890 Really, you guys don't wanna come over 338 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,684 for just a little bit? 339 00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:24,976 Why, is your sister gonna kick your ass again? 340 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,061 Shut up, Cartman! 341 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,646 [muffled speech] 342 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,523 Yeah, Stan, she's just a girl. 343 00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:32,442 Yeah, if some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, 344 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,528 "Hey, why don't you stop 345 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,363 dressing me up like a mailman 346 00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,365 and making me dance for you 347 00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,742 while you smoke crack in your bedroom 348 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,161 and have sex with some guy I don't even know 349 00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,038 on my dad's bed!" 350 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,002 Cartman, what the hell are you talking about? 351 00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:52,087 I'm just saying you're just a little wuss. 352 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,422 That's all. 353 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:54,631 Stan, you can use family love 354 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,299 as a weapon against Shelly. 355 00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:57,884 The next time she's going to kick your ass, 356 00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,720 just tell her, "Shelly, you're my sister. 357 00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:00,721 And I love you. " 358 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,055 [muffled speech] 359 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,557 Sick, dude. She's my sister! 360 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,058 Try it. We'll see you in a while. 361 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,601 We've gotta go get Cartman's pig. 362 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:07,894 No, you don't gotta get Cartman's pig! 363 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,646 You leave Fluffy out of this! 364 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,273 Come on, Kenny. - Kyle, no! [indistinct shouts] 365 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,483 No elephant is gonna make love to Fluffy! 366 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:17,195 I -Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts! 367 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,447 Crap! 368 00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,198 And now back to 369 00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,783 "Jesus and Pals" on South Park public-- 370 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,286 Are you staring at my neck brace? 371 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,579 No. I mean, yes? 372 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,497 I mean, what neck brace? 373 00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:28,915 [grunts] - Shelly, 374 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,500 before you beat my face 375 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,085 into a bloody pulp again, I just want you 376 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,254 to know that you're my sister, 377 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,589 and I love you. 378 00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,511 [Stan screaming] 379 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,513 Someday, Shelly, I'm gonna be bigger than you. 380 00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,974 And you're gonna wish you'd never done any of this to me. 381 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,977 You'll never be bigger than me, Stan. 382 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,270 Never! 383 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:51,897 [panting] 384 00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,064 Beautiful. 385 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,858 It's absolutely beautiful. 386 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,359 My son, 387 00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:57,944 I think we've finally done it. 388 00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,321 Yes, we have, Dad. 389 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,448 My very own human clone. 390 00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,533 Hope it's not a gay clone. 391 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:06,453 Yeah. That was stupid. - That's so stupid. 392 00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,371 Come on, elephant, keep drinking. 393 00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:09,831 Damn, I wonder how drunk he needs to be 394 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,625 to make sweet love to the pig. 395 00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,002 [gulping, squeals] 396 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,462 [elephant trumpets] 397 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:16,838 Damn it! This is never gonna work! 398 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,298 Hello, children. 399 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,925 I thought I'd check and see how 400 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,719 our little entrepreneurial venture is going. 401 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:23,845 Rotten. They're both really drunk, 402 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,388 but won't have sex! 403 00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,682 Oh, children, you just can't stick 404 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,726 a drunk pig with a drunk elephant 405 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:32,854 and expect them to do the mattress mambo. 406 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,564 You need to set the mood. 407 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,525 Let me show you boys what I'm talking about. 408 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:37,901 [mellow music] 409 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:41,029 ♪ Tonight is right for love ♪ 410 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,989 ♪ You know I wanna touch you ♪ 411 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,283 ♪ Where the lights don't go ♪ 412 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,911 ♪ Tonight is right for love ♪ 413 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:52,958 ♪ Love gravy ♪ 414 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,502 ♪ Expressing love so sweet ♪ 415 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,712 ♪ I want to keep you burnin' ♪ 416 00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,798 ♪ Like a dog in heat ♪ 417 00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,300 ♪ Tonight is right for love ♪ 418 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:07,013 ♪ Love gravy ♪ 419 00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:10,308 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John! 420 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:13,436 ♪ Ooh, tonight ♪ 421 00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:17,357 ♪ Oh, it's right ♪ 422 00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,693 ♪ Ooh, tonight is right for love ♪ 423 00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,820 ♪ Love gravy ♪ 424 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,154 [applause] 425 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,656 Thank you, Elton. 426 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,825 ♪ Tonight is right for love ♪ 427 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:32,163 ♪ Love gravy ♪ 428 00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,916 Hey, look! It's working! 429 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,335 Now, children, gather round 430 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,338 and watch the wonders of life. 431 00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,591 The beauty of Mother Nature. 432 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,175 [elephant trumpeting and pig squealing] 433 00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:45,802 Oh, sick! 434 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,053 Fluffy! 435 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,221 Hmm. 436 00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,556 Now I know how all those 437 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,683 white women must have felt. 438 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,688 Oh, how luscious. 439 00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:57,939 Our creature has come to fruition, boys. 440 00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,691 Dad, you're the best. 441 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:00,775 Oh, my God! 442 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,235 He only has one ass! 443 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,445 He's of no use to me. 444 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,488 I'll have to burn the room. 445 00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:06,740 [glass shatters] 446 00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:07,866 Oh, no. 447 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:08,992 This entire experiment 448 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,619 is turning out very bad. 449 00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:13,246 Me bad? 450 00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:14,581 [frog flopping] 451 00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,666 Egads! He's out of control. 452 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,209 We'll have to destroy him! 453 00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,502 But he's our science fair project! 454 00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:22,589 [babbles gibberish] 455 00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,341 He's too dangerous, son. 456 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,843 But, Dad, I want a human clone! 457 00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,720 Son, no! 458 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:29,846 [glass shatters] 459 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,765 [gate shatters] 460 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,684 Oh, son, you've made a horrible mistake. 461 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,227 You've put all the people of South Park 462 00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:37,437 in jeopardy! 463 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:38,730 They're all stupid anyway. 464 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,690 Come on, guys, let's go. 465 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,692 [laughs] Yeah, they're all gay. 466 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,028 Aren't they ever gonna wake up? 467 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,613 Oh, they will. 468 00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,990 It's gonna be one ugly sight. 469 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,659 I thought you said the wonder of Mother Nature 470 00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,035 was a beautiful thing. 471 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,244 Yeah, when does Mother Nature 472 00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:54,871 go from beautiful to ugly? 473 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,791 Usually about 9:30 in the morning, children. 474 00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:58,959 [elephant gasps] 475 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,752 Uh oh. Here we go. 476 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,881 [elephant groans, trumpets] 477 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,550 Ah, there's nothing worse than getting all drunk 478 00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:10,261 and waking up the next morning next to a pig. 479 00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:12,430 [Fluffy squeals] 480 00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,182 Or a big, fat elephant. 481 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,725 Hey, how do we know if she's pregnant? 482 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,310 Well, boys, we might not know that 483 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,813 for a couple of days. - Couple of days? 484 00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,148 But Terrance is going to have his human clone by tomorrow. 485 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,900 Well, good job, Einstein! 486 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,443 Why don't we just build a rocket in the meantime? 487 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,821 Oh, thank Buddha I found you boys. 488 00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:30,532 You must tell me, have you seen anything odd lately? 489 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,284 Uh, we saw an elephant have sex with a pig. 490 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,078 No, no, I said odd. 491 00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,831 Hey, you're that crazy cracker from up on the hill. 492 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,668 Sir, if making mutant animals spliced with humans is crazy, 493 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,837 then... 494 00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,214 Uh... 495 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,340 Hmm. 496 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,426 Oh, never mind. 497 00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:50,802 I'm afraid there's been a bit 498 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,470 of an incident at the ranch. 499 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,847 You see, I've created a large mutant clone 500 00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:55,473 of that little boy there, 501 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,976 and he's broken free. 502 00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,227 [muffled speech] 503 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,770 A big, mutant version of me? 504 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:01,938 Is he bigger than a regular clone? 505 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,857 He's terribly dangerous. 506 00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,984 His brain is identical to yours. 507 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,153 I need you to help me find him. 508 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:12,615 [people screaming] 509 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:17,120 Stan, are you wearing a different hat? 510 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,413 Hey! 511 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,622 I know a certain young man 512 00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,166 who's itching for detention! 513 00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:23,043 [indistinct speech] - [screams] 514 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,294 [glass shatters] 515 00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:25,962 How big do you think he is? 516 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,088 I bet he weighs 400 pounds! 517 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,715 Come on, Stan, 518 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,716 don't you even know where you would go? 519 00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,468 [muffled speech] 520 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:32,761 Oh, my God! 521 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,804 [men screaming] 522 00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,890 It appears that the horrible, destructive creature 523 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:40,310 is 8-year-old Stan Marsh of South Park. 524 00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,520 When asked why he was wreaking havoc 525 00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:45,690 on his hometown, the little boy replied simply, 526 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,319 "Me Stan [speaks gibberish]." 527 00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,154 Back to you in the studio. 528 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,073 Thanks, Tom. Police are requesting that 529 00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,866 if you see this little 8-year-old boy, 530 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,242 you immediately kill him and burn his body. 531 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,827 That's all for now. 532 00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,788 And now back to "Jesus and Pals." 533 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,664 Yea, the way is paved with gold 534 00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,333 for ye who seek truth and-- 535 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,795 [babbling gibberish] 536 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:07,962 Jesus! 537 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:10,006 [babbles gibberish] 538 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,925 Officer Barbrady, my evil genetic clone 539 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:12,967 is destroying the town. 540 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,886 We have to find him. 541 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,930 You boys have been watching "The X Files" too much. 542 00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:19,349 There's no such thing as genetic clone-- 543 00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:20,350 Whoa! 544 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:21,559 [water splashes] 545 00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:22,852 You kids go on home. 546 00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,479 There's nothing to see here. 547 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,939 Come on, let's go! 548 00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:27,565 There you are! 549 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,276 Stanley, you tore up my entire gun shop! 550 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:33,071 You better have a good explanation for this, mister! 551 00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:34,322 It wasn't me, Uncle Jimbo. 552 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,949 It was my evil genetic clone. 553 00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:38,243 Stanley, what the hell has gotten into you? 554 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,912 You have got severe lunchroom duty, mister! 555 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,665 I'm gonna have a word with your father, Stanley! 556 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,707 Yeah, you wait till your father 557 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:45,917 hears about this. 558 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,586 Wait, Stan, there he goes. 559 00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:49,712 Stop! 560 00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:52,590 [babbles gibberish] 561 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,050 He recognizes you, dude. 562 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,885 That's good. That's good, dude. 563 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,011 Just calm down. 564 00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:00,974 [babbles gibberish] 565 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,643 What should we do with him? 566 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,104 Stan, how would you like to go home 567 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,522 and meet your sister? 568 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,150 [babbles gibberish] 569 00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:12,152 [crickets chirping] 570 00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,736 So remember, Shelly's the one 571 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:14,988 with a big wire coming out of her mouth 572 00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,489 and a metal plate on her back. 573 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:17,824 When you see Shelly, kick her ass. 574 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,076 Shelly bad. Shelly very bad! 575 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,286 Me bad? 576 00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:24,080 No, Shelly bad. You good. 577 00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:27,125 [items crashing, clattering] 578 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,168 He's tearing up the house. 579 00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:29,169 Stop him! 580 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,087 [muffled speech] 581 00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,797 [microwave beeps, whirs] 582 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:35,884 [all shouting indistinctly] 583 00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:39,095 [panting] 584 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:43,349 What the hell do you want? 585 00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:45,435 [babbles gibberish] 586 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,729 [screams, groans] 587 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,940 Boys! Boys, I'm lusciously sorry for everything. 588 00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,443 Hey, they got our clone. He belongs to us. 589 00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,278 No, son, this beast is a disgrace 590 00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,197 to genetic engineers everywhere. 591 00:19:57,322 --> 00:20:00,867 Boys, I'm sorry I've caused you such inconvenience. 592 00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,452 I tried to play God and I failed. 593 00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:03,870 [gunshot, clone groans] 594 00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,372 Daddy, no! 595 00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,249 All I ever wanted was to genetically 596 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,168 engineer something useful. 597 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,045 But I failed. 598 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,130 Perhaps we shouldn't be toying with God's creations. 599 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:16,341 Perhaps we should leave nature alone 600 00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:18,968 to its simple one-assed schematics. 601 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,179 You cheating bastards. This isn't over! 602 00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:22,972 Just wait until tomorrow! 603 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,432 [microwave beeps, Kenny thuds] 604 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,351 Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! 605 00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,603 You bastard! 606 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,854 Mom and Dad are home. 607 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,022 My house is a disaster! 608 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,315 You guys gotta help me. 609 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,483 I ain't helping crap. 610 00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:34,943 I wanna eat some pie. 611 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,319 You can't just leave me here alone! 612 00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:37,862 Oh, yeah? Watch me. 613 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,322 Yeah, Stan, we have to go find out 614 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:40,615 if Cartman's pig is pregnant or not. 615 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,617 See ya! - Thanks a lot! 616 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,952 Oh, boy, 617 00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,996 you are gonna get it now. 618 00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,165 It isn't fair. 619 00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,500 Everybody hates me. 620 00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,293 The whole town wants me killed. 621 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,921 Mom and Dad are gonna send me away. 622 00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:56,923 I don't wanna be sent away. 623 00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,508 I wanna stay here! 624 00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:00,551 [sobs] 625 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,053 Stanley, what-- what in God's name 626 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,888 have you been doing? 627 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,432 Everybody in town is upset with you, young man. 628 00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:07,642 What's going on? 629 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,102 Are you on drugs? 630 00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,604 It's not Stan's fault. 631 00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:13,523 Huh? - It wasn't Stan. 632 00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:15,358 He was-- 633 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,027 He was with me the whole time. 634 00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:20,363 Oh. Well, Stan, we're, uh-- 635 00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,615 we're sorry we jumped to conclusions. 636 00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:23,741 Oh, honey. 637 00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:25,576 Please forgive us, son. 638 00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:30,290 Shelly, you saved my life. 639 00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:32,750 And yet you've done so much more than that. 640 00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,961 Today you've taught me the meaning of family. 641 00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,587 Sure, families don't always get along. 642 00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,756 But when the forces of evil descend upon us, 643 00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:40,675 we conquer them by sticking together. 644 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,885 [smacking and grunting] 645 00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:44,721 [rats chattering] 646 00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:46,139 [lawn mower purring] 647 00:21:46,264 --> 00:21:49,267 [lawn mower buzzing] 648 00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:54,981 Everyone, let's give Casey and his weed a big hand. 649 00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:56,524 [tepid applause] 650 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:57,734 Okay, Kyle, we're ready to see 651 00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,360 your science project. 652 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,279 Well, our pig hasn't given birth yet. 653 00:22:01,404 --> 00:22:03,114 But she should any time now. 654 00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:04,699 Oh, well, then I guess you get an F. 655 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,159 Okay, Terrance, I know the class 656 00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:08,578 can hardly wait to see yours. 657 00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:10,038 Thank you, Mr. Garrison. 658 00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,665 Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students, 659 00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:14,292 for our science fair project 660 00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,002 Bill Fossey and I have spawned a creature 661 00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,129 genetically far superior to man. 662 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:19,464 I present to you 663 00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,507 the five-assed monkey. 664 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,051 [grumbles] 665 00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:25,178 Oh, Mr. Hat, isn't it beautiful? 666 00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,180 [applause] 667 00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:29,974 Wait, wait, the pig just gave birth! 668 00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:31,225 It had a baby! 669 00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:32,602 [kids chattering indistinctly] 670 00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:34,187 What's it look like? 671 00:22:34,312 --> 00:22:35,855 Does it look like a pig or elephant? 672 00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:43,237 It kind of looks like Mr. Garrison. 673 00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:46,407 Oh, gee, isn't that an amazing coincidence? 674 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:48,493 What are the odds of that? 675 00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:50,203 Hmm. 676 00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:52,246 You boys get first prize. 677 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:54,957 [applause] 678 00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:56,959 That'll do, pig. 679 00:22:58,127 --> 00:23:01,005 [twangy music] 680 00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:08,137 ♪♪