♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
MR. MACKEY: M'kay, students.
We have a very special guest speaker today.
Who can tell me the name of our country's last vice president?
Dick Cheney?
No, the last one.
Bill Clinton!
No, Clinton's vice president.
He is here today to talk to you students
about some very serious issues.
Please welcome Al Gore!
[ Light applause ]
Who?
Thank you, Mr. Mackey, students of South Park Elementary.
I am here to educate you
about the single biggest threat to our planet.
You see, there is something out there
which threatens our very existence
and may be the end to the human race as we know it.
I'm talking, of course, about ManBearPig.
ManBearPig?
It is a creature which roams the earth alone.
It is half man, half bear, and half pig.
Some people say that ManBearPig isn't real.
Well, I'm here to tell you now,
ManBearPig is very real, and he most certainly exists.
I'm cereal.
ManBearPig doesn't care who you are or what you've done.
ManBearPig simply wants to get you.
I'm super cereal.
But have no fear, because I am here to save you.
And someday, when the world is rid of ManBearPig,
everyone will say, "Thank you, Al Gore.
You're super awesome."
The end.
Uh, okay. Thank you, Mr. Gore.
Thank you, class.
Excelsior!
[ Chuckling ]
Check out this sweet move.
Kyle, you can't block like that!
Just play the game, fat-ass.
Pass it to me, Cartman.
Hang on. I'm gonna do something super killer.
God damn it! Stop it, Kyle!
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
All right. Check it out.
This is a total Kobe Bryant I'm about to do.
Just take a shot or pass the ball, asshole!
It's getting late!
[ Music continues ]
[ Chuckling ]
Let's just see you get the ball this time, Jew boy.
Kyle, knock it off!
STAN: Cartman stop hogging the goddamn ball!
Gwoooon!
Don't worry. It's not really ManBearPig.
It's me -- Al Gore.
We know.
Dude, what are you doing?
I'm spreading ManBearPig awareness.
Here. Each of you kids take a pamphlet and a bumper sticker.
I hope now you boys see that this is totally cereal.
The next time, it could be the real ManBearPig.
Can I just get you to sign the awareness sheet?
Just your name and phone number
and where you first heard about ManBearPig?
Uh, Stan?
Oh, hey, Dad.
Hello.
It's uh, getting late, boys.
Why don't you get in the car and I'll drive you all home.
Okay, Mr. Marsh.
Be safe.
[ Engine starts ]
Boys, I don't want you hanging out
with that ex-vice president anymore, okay?
Aw, he's all right, Dad.
He was just trying to warn us about ManBearPig.
ManBearPig?
He's half man and half bearpig.
No, dude, he's half man, half bear, and half pig.
That doesn't make any sense.
He could be half bear, half manpig.
Boys, there's no such thing as a ManBearPig.
The vice president is just desperate for attention.
But I feel kind of bad for him, Dad.
I don't think he has any friends.
[ Telephone ringing ]
Hello?
Hello. This is Al Gore.
Oh, man.
Hi, Mr. Gore.
- I was the vice president. - I know.
Can you and your friends make it
to an emergency ManBearPig meeting tomorrow morning?
I have some evidence he could be in this area.
Look, I'm sorry, but we're all kind of busy.
[ Sadly ] Oh. I get it.
You don't believe me either.
No, no. It's not that.
Yes, it is.
Nobody believes me!
I'm trying to warn everybody, and nobody takes me cereal!
[ Sobbing ]
I just want somebody in the world
to take me cereal just for once.
[ Sobbing ]
It's okay, Mr. Gore.
I-I believe you.
No, you don't.
Yeah. I'm sure ManBearPig needs to be stopped.
I'm just -- I'm just scared
that I can't do anything to stop him.
[ Sniffles ] Are you cereal?
Yes, I'm cereal.
Don't worry. We can stop him!
Bring everyone you can to my ManBearPig meeting
tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. sharp!
[ Click, dial tone ]
[ Birds chirping ]
Dude, why are we going to hang out with this guy?
Mrph. Mrph rmh rmphm.
Come on, you guys. Al Gore doesn't have any friends.
We'll make an appearance at his little meeting and we'll go.
Hi, kids! Come on in!
Okay. Let's get this meeting started.
What do you kids think we should do to stop ManBearPig?
Yeah, you know, Mr. Gore, my dad is a geologist,
and he said that ManBearPig probably isn't in Colorado.
What does your dad look like?
Does he have large hooves where his feet should be?!
No!
Damn. For a minute there, I thought we'd found him.
Well, this was a great meeting, wasn't it, guys?
But we got to get going to school now.
- [Alarm chirping ] - Oh, my God!
[ Dramatic music plays ]
ManBearPig screen active!
[ Beeping ]
What is this area of Colorado? It's a cave of some kind!
Yeah, that's Cave of the Winds. It's a tourist attraction.
Oh, Jesus on ice skates,
we've got to get down there right away.
- I don't think so, dude. - Yeah, we've got school anyway.
I can get you all excused from school.
You have that kind of power?
Look, you boys have a chance
to help me find and kill ManBearPig once and for all.
I'm totally cereal!
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Cave of the Winds.
Our tour is going to take us through two chambers
of one of the most elaborate cavern systems in Colorado.
Before we get started, I do understand
we have a special guest in our group today --
the ex-vice president, Mr. Al Gore!
Mr. Gore asked me to make sure you all knew he was here.
Now, once we enter the cave,
we do ask you that you follow two rules --
stay on the path and do not touch anything.
All right. Are we ready?
ALL: Yeah!
Let's go cavin'!
Here we are in the main chamber of the cave.
It was discovered in 1892
and first used as a hideout for smugglers of the Old West.
Have you noticed high deposits of sulfur
or a salmon-like odor coming from the caves lately?
Uh, no.
Now, as you can see,
the cave is filled with stalagmites and stalactites.
- Water drips from the... - All right, kids.
I need you to keep an eye out for ManBearPig droppings.
What do ManBearPig droppings look like?
Similar to pig droppings but more manbear-like.
These rocks often make interesting shapes,
which we like to name.
For instance, this one here we named The Hanging Mushroom."
And over here we have Man With Helmet and Two Bowling Balls.
And finally, of course, The Two Sisters.
Now, the cave itself is millions of years old
and has a constant temperature of 57 degrees.
Gwoooooon!
Sir? Mr. Gore? Is there a problem?
- Not yet. - All right, everyone.
If you'll step this way, you'll see how the cave gets its name.
Kids! Kids, over here! Look!
What?
I'll bet this is where he's hiding.
This looks like ManBearPig central.
Come on!
This is where ManBearPig is!
I'm cereal!
In certain areas of the cave, the wind actually blows through,
causing a sound you can hear.
[ Wind whistling ]
- Ahh! - Ooh!
Take a picture of the sound, Steven.
[ Shutter clicks ]
Mr. Gore, I think we should stay with the tour group.
Wait! Shh!
[ Whistling in distance ]
Christ, he's here!
Take this rope!
Be ready to tie him up!
I've got you now, you son of a bitch!
What are you doing?
- Oh, no! - [ Rumbling ]
- No! - [ Boys screaming ]
Leave them alone, you goddamn ManBearPig!
BOYS: Help! Help!
Damn you, ManBearPig! They're just children!
Okay. Everyone out of the cave now!
[ Crowd screaming ]
Go! Go! Move out!
[All screaming ]
Aaah!
[ Dramatic music plays ]
- KYLE: Hello? - STAN: Help!
We're trapped in here!
Somebody get us! We're trapped down here! Hello!
- STAN: Help! - Forget it!
- They can't hear us. - Mrph rmh rmhmhm rmh?
You better get us out of here, asshole!
Me?
You just had to go and be nice to Al Gore!
Now we're trapped in a cave!
Maybe there's another way out of here.
Mrph rmhmhm.
All right. Let's split up and look for a passageway.
Everyone take a different direction.
[ Grunting ]
Oh, man. We're in big trouble here.
This is bullcrap.
If I miss dinner, I'm gonna be so pissed off.
Aah!
[ Grunts ]
[ Coughs ] God damn it!
KYLE: You see anything, Kenny?
KENNY: Mrph rmh rm!
KYLE: Cartman?
Cartman, you see anything?
[ High-pitched voice ] No, nothing. [ Clears throat ]
[ Normal voice ] No. Nothing here. Nothing this way.
T-Treasure.
KYLE: Cartman, you okay? You need help?
I'm fine! This way's a d-dead end!
Coming back to you now.
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
It looks like we're completely sealed in.
Mrph rmh rmphm.
There's a small passageway about 200 yards over there.
But it goes for a long, long way, and it's pretty steep.
Maybe we should go for it.
You guys go on ahead.
I'm gonna stay here, wait it out.
Why?
I just -- I don't feel very good.
I'll just weigh you guys down.
Cartman's right -- First rule of survival
is stay put and wait to be rescued.
No. It's okay. You guys go on ahead.
No. We'll stay here, too.
If we start wandering off, we're gonna get lost or killed.
Let's just wait here and hope help comes soon.
That's cool.
I just -- I just wouldn't go over there if I were you guys.
I just took a huge dump.
Aw, dude!
[ Police radio chatter ]
The cave-in was massive and has cut off all access in or out.
The children are believed to be trapped somewhere in this area.
Does anybody know who these kids are?
No, nobody seems to know them,
only that they were in the tour group.
Digging to them is gonna take days.
Excuse me!
This cave-in was no accident,
and it isn't going to stop unless we move fast.
I am superduper cereal.
What do you mean? The cave-in is over.
I'm afraid you have a much bigger problem than a cave-in.
What's that?
[ Dramatic music plays ]
What is that? A PigBearMan?
No, stupid.
It's ManBearPig.
I'm so hungry.
Do you think people even know we're here?
They saw us on the tour.
Dude, where do you keep going, Cartman?
I just need to keep taking a crap.
I've got diarrhea really bad.
Dude, it's bad enough we have to sit here
without you taking a crap every 10 minutes!
Let's just try to sleep.
Maybe help will come tomorrow.
All that treasure.
It's all mine!
So long as these greedy assholes don't find out about it.
You would all just love
to get your hands on my treasure, wouldn't you?
Even though I found it,
you'd love to think it's somehow yours, too.
God, I hate you guys.
Especially you,
you money-grubbing snake in the grass.
Well, I've got news for you, Kyle.
You're never going to get my treasure.
I've got a little plan going
to get the treasure out of here without you ever knowing.
C-Cartman?
Oh. Hey, Kyle. How's it going?
Dude, what are you doing?
Not much.
You know, just hanging out.
How you been, man? Good?
Dude, get away from me.
Yeah, it was nice talking with you, Kyle.
See you around.
[ Police radio chatter ]
Why won't anybody listen to me?
ManBearPig is in there,
and we have to kill him while we all have the chance.
I'm cereal!
Mr. Gore, please. We need you to calm down.
Now, what exactly do you suggest we do?
I told you we need to fill the cave with hot molten lead
'cause it's the only way to make sure ManBearPig never comes out!
And I'm saying it, and I'm totally cereal,
but everyone just keeps digging!
Well, see, the problem is that if we fill the caves
with hot molten lead, it will kill those boys, too.
They're already dead! Didn't you listen to me?
They got attacked by ManBearPig,
and ManBearPig leaves nobody alive!
I'm super cereal!
And nobody will listen to me! I'm cereal!
[ Sobbing ]
Do you want me to get the ex-vice president out of here?
Nah. I-I feel kind of bad for him.
I don't think he has any friends.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
[ Chuckling ]
All right. Got to be strong.
There's still a lot more treasure to go.
[ Gulping ]
[ Gagging ]
Dude, he's really sick.
It's been three days since four unidentified children
were trapped in a cave-in.
Three days without food, and time is certainly running out.
The digging continues, but progress is fatally slow.
All right, people. We've got to work faster.
Our best estimate still puts us three days away
from reaching the area of the cave called Smuggler's Den.
Smuggler's Den?
I-It's a room near the end of the tour
where you can get your picture taken with fake treasure.
Here. See?
Based on where the boys were seen last,
they're somewhere near this area.
Hopefully they've followed the first rule of survival
and stayed put.
Stan. Stan, wake up!
Huh? What? Have they come for us?
No, it's Cartman.
Something's really wrong with him.
Blugh. [ Coughing ]
Oh, my God!
Cartman! Dude, can you hear me?!
I'm fine. Just a little --
No big deal.
[ Burping ]
We can't wait here any longer.
We got to get him out of here or he's gonna die.
How, dude?
We don't even know if that passage goes anywhere.
Maybe we should head out first, see if we can find a way out,
and then come back for him.
No, don't!
Don't leave me here, you assholes.
Don't leave me here to die.
[ Coughing ]
[ Sirens wailing, indistinct conversations ]
[ Rope creaking ]
[ Groaning ]
[All grunting ]
Come on! Pull!
God damn it, he's so heavy!
[ Coughs ] Hurry, you guys.
You got to get me out of here.
[ Grunting ]
[ Farts, coins rattle ]
- What the hell was that? - Cartman?
You guys, we got no time! You got to get me out!
[ Dramatic music plays ]
[ Metal creaking ]
This is the end of you, ManBearPig.
Excelsior!
[ Music continues ]
Blugh. [ Coughs ]
Mrph rmhmhm rhm.
I can't keep carrying him, dude. I've got no strength.
Yes, you do!
[ Rumbling in distance ]
What the hell is that?
Oh, my God.
Aah! Get me out of here! Get me out of here, you guys!
Run!
[All screaming ]
That's it. Pull everyone out.
There's nothing more we can do.
You're calling off the rescue?
We didn't plan on a freak river flood.
God must really want those kids dead.
What if the children aren't dead?
Look, the cavern is completely flooded.
Nothing could have survived.
There's nothing left alive down there.
Nothing left alive.
I did it.
I killed ManBearPig.
I've saved the earth from certain destruction.
Everyone is super stoked on me.
Even if they don't know it.
[ Gasps ]
[ Coughing ]
Kenny, here! Take my hand!
Hurry, Kyle! The water's rising!
CARTMAN: [ Coughing ]
Cartman...you've got to swim!
Kick with your legs!
[ Coughs ] I can't kick!
Yes, you can!
I can't kick! You just have to save me!
- I need your help! - No, you just have to save me!
[ Grunting ]
STAN: Kyle, no!
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
We are gathered here to say goodbye
to four kids whom we all tried to help
but in the end could not.
But where there is loss, there is hope.
For ManBearPig is no more.
Oh, Jesus. Here we go again.
I have beaten ManBearPig,
and we will never forget the names
of the brave young kids who lost their lives --
kid one...kid two...kid three...
and, of course, kid four.
I remember how kid one used to laugh and play
and how kid two was always there when I needed him.
- [ Grunts ] - Oh, my God!
[ Grunting ]
It's the kids! They're alive!
[ Grunting ]
Kids! I saved you!
Just stay away from us, asshole!
I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you
because you don't have any friends!
But now I see why you don't have any friends!
You just use ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself
because you're a loser!
Yeah, right.
The man who single-handedly killed ManBearPig is a loser.
[ Groaning ]
We need to get our friend to a hospital right away!
No! No, I'm fine.
I just need to get home and rest.
Cartman, seriously, you need to see a doctor!
No! I just need to get to a toilet.
See you guys. I--
Ha-ba --
Ha-ba-a-a-a-a-a-a! [ Farting ]
Aah!
[ Birds chirping ]
Dude, did Cartman just crap treasure?
It's mine! It's mine! You hear me?
I got it out of the cave! It belongs to me!
Keep your greedy hands away!
Hey, that looks like the fake treasure
from our Smuggler's Den photo room.
That's right, and I --
Fake treasure?
Yeah. We put it there for kids to take their picture with.
All in all, I'd say that treasure is worth about $14.
No.
No!
[ Farts ] Aah!
Ow!
You made us pull you to safety because you ate treasure?
You son of a bitch!
Don't you think I'm hurting enough, Kyle?
Ow! Ow! [ Farts ]
Ow!
Well, my work here is done.
I've killed MBP,
and now I must save the world from something else.
Maybe I'll make a movie.
A movie starring me.
Then people will take me super cereal.
Excelsior!
Aah! [ Farts ]