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00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,013
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
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00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,723
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,391
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,602
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,312
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:21,647
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,151
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,195
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,950
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,287
[ Bell rings ]
11
00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:40,041
Mrs. Cartman, we have had it
with your son's behavior, m'kay.
12
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:43,461
Little Billy Turner is now
being treated at the hospital.
13
00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:46,255
Eric, why would you
do such a thing?
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I'm sorry I handcuffed
Billy Turner's ankle
15
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to the school flagpole.
16
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You know that's not the point!
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Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed
Billy Turner's ankle
18
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,265
to a flagpole
and then gave him a hacksaw...
19
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,808
and then told him I had
poisoned his lunch milk
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and the only way he could get
to the antidote in time
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would be to saw through his leg.
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That's very naughty, Eric.
23
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,731
Well, he called me chubby!
24
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:06,150
We have tried at this school
to make Eric understand
25
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,818
that there are boundaries,
m'kay.
26
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:10,237
But frankly, we believe
his behavioral problems
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start at home.
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I know.
I know he's out of control.
29
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But you don't know
what it's like.
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[ Sobbing ]
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00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,415
I'm sorry.
32
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:25,419
It's just that he seems
to get worse every day.
33
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He just never listens!
34
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,508
[ Sobbing ]
35
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:33,844
Well, nice going, asshole.
You made my mom cry!
36
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It's not him.
It's you, Eric!
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I don't know what to do
with you.
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Sure you do.
You're a great mom!
39
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♪ Who's got the greatest mom
in the world? ♪
40
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♪ I do ♪
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00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,566
♪ My mom is number one
in my heart ♪
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♪ It's true ♪
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♪ My mom's the best mom,
better than your mom ♪
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♪ Let's sing it together
in harmony ♪
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00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,034
Mrs. Cartman, I know
this is extremely difficult,
46
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but there is help out there
for people like you.
47
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,959
Have you ever heard of a show
called "Nanny 911"?
48
00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,714
MAN: They're every parent's
worst nightmare.
49
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,550
Shut up!
I hate you! I hate you!
50
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Kids completely out of control.
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00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,471
Look! I'm skating!
I'm skating!
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It's time to call "Nanny 911."
53
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We've gathered a team
of world-class nannies
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to help families in crisis.
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Parents of America,
help is on the way!
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00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,445
Tonight...
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00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:35,823
Mom, I need
another energy drink!
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This 8-year-old son of a single
parent just won't behave.
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[ Speaking German ]
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And Nanny Stella is selected
to set him straight!
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[ British accent ]
It's time for Nanny Stella
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to show Eric Cartman
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his ways are not going to be
tolerated anymore!
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00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:56,886
[ Knock on door ]
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00:02:57,011 --> 00:03:00,139
Mom, are you deaf?!
Somebody's at the door!
66
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,683
Yes, I think it's the nanny,
poopsiekins.
67
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Killer. I'm gonna be on TV now.
[ Burps ]
68
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,605
Hello!
I'm Nanny Stella!
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00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:09,315
Oh, thank you so much
for coming.
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Please come in.
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And you must be Eric!
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Mom, I want a Twinkie.
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A-All right, dear.
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00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:17,948
Hold on, Mrs. Cartman.
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00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,826
There are going to be some
rule changes around here, Eric.
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First of all, no video games
until chores are done.
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[ Laughs ]
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I'm serious.
79
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,336
Let's put down the video game
and go to the kitchen.
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00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,004
[ British accent ]
No, thanks. I'd rather not.
81
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,049
Right. Then I'm going to
have to take it.
82
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:36,759
What the hell
do you think you're doing?
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00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:37,927
Come on.
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This video game is going
right here on the counter
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until we've done some chores.
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Now, first thing we're going to
do is make your bed.
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00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,313
Eric, no!
This is not acceptable!
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00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,899
Stop trying to bogart my Xbox,
you fat bitch!
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00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:55,110
All right. That's it.
You're going to time-out!
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00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,195
Time-out?
91
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,363
Whenever you are naughty, Eric,
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00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,617
you are going to sit
on this stool for five minutes.
93
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,370
And what exactly keeps me
on the stool?
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00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,955
It's the time-out stool.
95
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,208
You can't get down
until the time is up.
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00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,878
Whoa!
How did I do that!?
97
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:17,091
Eric, you have to stay
in time-out!
98
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,676
Um, no?
99
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:21,011
Come on.
You don't have a choice.
100
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,264
All right. Seriously, you're
starting to piss me off now.
101
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,349
Eric, you need to listen to me.
102
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This is very important.
103
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I'm getting down to eye level
with Eric
104
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,896
so that I can talk to him
on his level.
105
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,648
Eric, you need to understand
106
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,025
why you are being punished,
all right?
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00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,860
I'm just gonna get down
as soon as you move.
108
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:40,322
Well, then I'll just
have to stand right here!
109
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[ Snorts, spits ]
110
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,408
Aah!
111
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,202
He spit in my mouth!
112
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,621
Yeah.
It's best to avoid his level.
113
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,374
All right.
I've dealt with this before.
114
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,793
We just need to use psychology
on him.
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00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,129
♪ Don't stop believin' ♪
116
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,506
♪ Hold on
to that feel-a-ee-ing ♪
117
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,093
Eric, can I just talk to you
for a quick second?
118
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,220
Why are you so angry?
119
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,972
Because you took my Xbox.
120
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,057
Is this about more
than your video game?
121
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,434
Are you feeling angry at me
122
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,312
because you think I'm here
to change your life?
123
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,314
Well...yeah.
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And you're feeling
like I have no right
125
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,609
to come in
and tell you how to live.
126
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,278
Yeah, I guess so.
127
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,529
See this?
128
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,613
You have to take the time
129
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,907
to talk to your children
about their feelings.
130
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,868
What else are you feeling, Eric?
131
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,495
Well, I'm feeling confused,
132
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,040
because I don't understand
why you became a nanny.
133
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,082
Me?
134
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:35,294
Well, because I love children,
like you.
135
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,755
Right, but if you love children
so much,
136
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,465
how come you're not a mommy?
137
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,925
Oh, I just never had kids.
138
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,385
Why not?
139
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,513
It just...didn't happen.
140
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,307
You're sterile.
Is that it?
141
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,393
No. That's too convenient
of an excuse.
142
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,812
The truth is, nobody ever wanted
to have babies with you.
143
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,147
Isn't that it?
144
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,191
Always the moms-maid,
never the mom.
145
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,235
Must be hard on you, knowing
that the years are ticking away,
146
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,653
your friends
all getting married,
147
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:04,156
and all the while your uterus
slowly shriveling away,
148
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,950
drying up,
becoming totally worthless.
149
00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:10,829
Why, you -- you --
you little bastard!
150
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,373
How dare you?!
151
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,665
Eric, naughty.
152
00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,334
What kind of monster would --
153
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,668
Yes!
Let the anger come!
154
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,212
Strike me down while you can!
155
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,464
But it won't make your dried-up
ovaries any more fertile!
156
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,591
That's it!
I'm not doing this!
157
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,343
Oh, but we really need
some help!
158
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:28,013
Find yourself another nanny...
television show!
159
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,139
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
160
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,683
MAN: Coming up next,
it's "Supernanny"!
161
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,770
Where other nannies fail,
Nanny Jo comes through!
162
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,272
[ Man vocalizing ]
163
00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:39,400
[ Music continues ]
164
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,281
[ British accent ]
This child's behavior
165
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,492
is totally unacceptable!
166
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:53,247
But there's no child too tough
for Supernanny!
167
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,665
In just three days' time,
168
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:58,001
you're going to see
a new Eric Cartman!
169
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,214
[ Dramatic music plays ]
170
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:06,009
I'm afraid Supernanny is in a
deep state of mental psychosis.
171
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,136
What do you mean?
172
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,346
I mean she spends
most of her time sobbing
173
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,098
and eating her own excrement.
174
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,104
From hell.
175
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,315
It's from hell!
176
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:21,233
Oh, dear.
177
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,693
I don't know what else to do
178
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,695
about my son's
behavioral problems.
179
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:28,157
We've been through every nanny
reality show on television.
180
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:32,286
Well, there is one more show
you could still try.
181
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:35,122
- [ Dogs barking ]
- MAN: When good dogs go bad,
182
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:38,417
there's one man
who's their best friend.
183
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,252
Cesar Millan.
184
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,713
CESAR: [ Spanish accent ] No dog
is too much for me to handle.
185
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:45,549
I rehabilitate dogs.
I train people.
186
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,051
I am the dog whisperer.
187
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,596
[ Knock on door ]
188
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,681
Please come in.
189
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,933
So, tell me what are
the problems
190
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,101
you're having with the child.
191
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,312
Well, he's just out of control.
192
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:01,315
I mean, he never listens to me,
and he pretty much runs my life.
193
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,649
So the child needs to learn
194
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,943
that he's not the most important
person in the house.
195
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,278
You can stop talking
behind my back.
196
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,488
I'm right here, fruitcake.
197
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,822
See, I'm not looking
at the child,
198
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:09,990
I'm not acknowledging the child.
199
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,409
I'm just letting the child know
I'm not interested in him.
200
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,494
Not interested in me?
201
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,913
See, the child thinks your world
revolves around him
202
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:16,914
because it does,
203
00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:19,249
because everything he does
gets a response from you.
204
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,709
- Yeah. Well, I don't see why --
- Tsst!
205
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,502
Hey!
206
00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:23,170
Don't look at the child.
Just keep looking at me.
207
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,880
Let him know we are
having a conversation.
208
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,048
- Mom, this guy doesn't --
- Tsst!
209
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,258
- Aah! Quit it!
- What is that you're doing?
210
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,802
Dogs show their dominance by
nipping each other on the neck.
211
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,554
But it works equally well
on the child.
212
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,473
I just use two fingers
and nip at the child's neck.
213
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:36,475
Doesn't hurt the child.
Just let him know I am dominant.
214
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,185
Look, Mexican,
if you really think that --
215
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,937
- Tsst!
- Knock it off!
216
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:40,562
Tsst!
217
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,731
See, I'm not validating
his bad behavior
218
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,691
with either a negative
or positive response.
219
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,401
Oh!
That's very interesting!
220
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,070
I think the first thing
we need to work on
221
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,279
is getting the child
some exercise.
222
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,948
He's fat and he has
all this pent-up energy that...
223
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,075
- I'm not fat!
- ...we need to let him burn off.
224
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,243
Do you take walks with your son?
225
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,661
Well, no, I don't.
226
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:58,038
Go on.
Take your son for a walk.
227
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,207
- [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- Hey!
228
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,000
You think this is funny,
you son of a bitch?
229
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,752
See, once again,
I am the one going for a walk.
230
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,213
This is about me. The child is
lucky enough to come along.
231
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,340
- Mom, this is degrading!
- Tsst!
232
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,758
Aah!
God damn it!
233
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,343
[ Screaming ]
234
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,804
Don't look at him.
Just look straight ahead.
235
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,556
He'll run out of energy soon.
236
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,766
[ Screaming ]
237
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,901
[ Weakly ]
Mom.
238
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,820
Mo-o-o-o-m!
239
00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:31,989
Here. Why don't you try it now?
Take your son.
240
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,991
Mom, seriously,
people are seeing me!
241
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,325
Good.
Just keep your confidence.
242
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,952
Shoulders back,
eyes straight ahead.
243
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,662
The child can pick up
on that confidence
244
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,747
and learn he's supposed to
follow you, not lead you.
245
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,124
Mom, don't you love me?
246
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,959
Can't you see I'm unhappy
right now?
247
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,335
- Tsst!
- Mom!
248
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,963
Good, Mrs. Cartman.
Very good!
249
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,384
MAN: And now back to
"The Dog Whisperer."
250
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:56,471
It is important to understand
that dogs run in packs.
251
00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,642
And one dog is always
dominant -- the pack leader.
252
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,311
God damn it!
Stop ignoring me!
253
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:06,523
You must assert yourself as pack
leader with dominant energy.
254
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,400
- All right!
- This is abuse!
255
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,902
I'm a child,
and I'm entitled to attention!
256
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,487
- Tsst!
- Quit it, Mom!
257
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,823
It doesn't seem to work as well
when I do it.
258
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,243
Okay. Let me show you how
to express the dominant energy.
259
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,953
What I have done
is I have brought over
260
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,289
some Kentucky Fried Chicken.
261
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,457
Ooh.
Colonel?
262
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:24,958
I am going to eat first,
263
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,627
because that is what
the pack leader does.
264
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,879
Gim-- Gimme the chicken.
Gimme some chicken!
265
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,547
- Tsst!
- What are you doing?
266
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,591
I want chicken!
Gimme some goddamn chicken!
267
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:35,135
I am not going to acknowledge
the child's attempt
268
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,803
at aggressive,
dominant behavior.
269
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,096
Now you eat the chicken.
270
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,681
Mom, gimme --
gimme some chicken.
271
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,849
I want some chicken, Mom!
272
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,894
We won't reward him until he's
in a calm, submissive behavior.
273
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,896
God damn it!
I am not a dog!
274
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,606
Gimme the chicken.
G-Gimme the chicken.
275
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:48,607
I want the chicken.
Chicken!
276
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,567
Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!
Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!
277
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,695
We need him to become relaxed
and submissive.
278
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,365
Okay. I'm fine.
I'm cool now.
279
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,033
May I have some chicken, please?
280
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,826
Oh, very good, sweetie.
281
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,203
No. No.
Now he's lying.
282
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,830
You can tell from his stance
he's still aggressive-dominant.
283
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,083
Suck my asshole, taco bender!
284
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:07,209
- See?
- God damn it!
285
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,503
You can't stand here
and eat KFC in front of me!
286
00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:10,629
- Now hand it over!
- Tsst!
287
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,673
You can't do that to me!
I-- God damn it! This --
288
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:13,965
Tsst!
289
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:15,967
Eh. Eh.
290
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,889
I am not being aggressive.
I am being dominant.
291
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,517
Wow.
I have a lot to learn.
292
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,144
Mom, I'm serious.
This has gone on long enough.
293
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,481
Get that guy out of here
and give me a piece of chicken.
294
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,025
That's how you want it, bitch?
Fine!
295
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,904
I hate you!
I'm running away!
296
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:36,988
- Oh, dear.
- [ Door slams ]
297
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,408
That's okay. This is all part
of the dominant struggle.
298
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,951
But what if he does run away?
299
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,285
Let him go.
He'll be back.
300
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,204
This is a good opportunity
for you to relax
301
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,039
and enjoy your favorite hobby.
302
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,626
Oh, boy! Park Avenue!
I'm rich!
303
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,753
[ Door opens, closes ]
304
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,423
Hey, guys.
I've got some pretty big news.
305
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,341
[ Sighs ]
I ran away from home.
306
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,343
- [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- Yeah.
307
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,304
My mom just doesn't care about
me anymore, so I moved out.
308
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,265
She didn't even try to stop me.
309
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,476
It's gonna be tough living on
my own, but I'll get by somehow.
310
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,145
You can't stay here.
311
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,313
Maybe you didn't hear me.
I ran away.
312
00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,482
I don't have anywhere to sleep.
I'm out on the streets.
313
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,484
You're not staying at my house
either.
314
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,819
All right.
That's fine.
315
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,195
- Butters, I'll crash with you.
- No.
316
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,031
My parents won't let me bring
homeless people home anymore.
317
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,033
Well, what do you guys
expect me to do?
318
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,244
Stay at Kenny's house?
His family is totally poor!
319
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,413
I'm not staying
with poor people!
320
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,958
All right. I'll stay with Kenny.
Let's go, man.
321
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,752
- Mrph rmh.
- Ugh!
322
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:35,630
Well, I guess now we see just
how supportive friends can be.
323
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,799
When the chips are down,
you won't even lend a hand!
324
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,552
I'll just go sleep on the street
somewhere, out in the cold.
325
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,513
Probably get mugged and
gang-raped by some minorities.
326
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:47,017
You guys will be sorry
when I turn up dead!
327
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:50,187
Whoopie!
J&R Railroad!
328
00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:51,938
[ Doorbell rings ]
329
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,899
Hey, Jimmy, you're not
gonna believe this,
330
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,151
but I ran away from home.
331
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,111
I just --
I really need the support
332
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,030
of my best friend right now.
333
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,324
Who's your best friend?
334
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,826
You are, Jimmy!
We've always been best friends!
335
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,037
We know everything
about each other!
336
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,915
What's my last name?
337
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,002
God damn it.
338
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:18,173
Craig. Dude.
I ran away from home.
339
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,800
You're the first person
I came to.
340
00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,676
I knew you'd take me in
off the streets.
341
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,471
But I hate you.
342
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,974
Should that really matter
at a time like this?
343
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,936
[ Thunder rumbling ]
344
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,021
This is bullcrap!
345
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,066
Mom will break soon.
I can outlast her.
346
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,401
[ Door closes ]
347
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,905
All right.
I'm back.
348
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,366
Oh, Eric!
I'm so happy you're home!
349
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,117
Yes. Well, hopefully
you've learned your lesson.
350
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,118
I've come back,
351
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:48,954
but there's going to be
some changes around here.
352
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,121
Look what I did, Eric.
353
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,998
I learned how to make
sumi-e paintings!
354
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,084
I'd almost forgotten
how artistic I was.
355
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,502
That's super interesting,
356
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,255
but I've been out living on the
streets for almost four hours.
357
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,422
Make me something to eat.
358
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:00,465
Cesar!
359
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,758
How's the painting going?
360
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:02,968
Oh, God damn it!
361
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,177
Oh, look.
It came back.
362
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,679
Yep.
Just like you said he would.
363
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,055
What is he still doing here?
364
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,765
He said he's hungry.
What should I do?
365
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,392
Let's feed it.
366
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,394
CARTMAN:
What the hell is this?
367
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,397
Skinless chicken,
boiled vegetables, and salad?!
368
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,898
This is just like Auschwitz!
369
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,484
This is more aggressive,
dominant behavior.
370
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,527
Don't nurture it.
371
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,029
Oh, my God.
Bite-size Snickers?
372
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:23,864
That's it.
373
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:27,075
I'm calling
child protective services!
374
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,619
Come on, Mrs. Cartman.
You must become pack leader.
375
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:30,620
What do you do?
376
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,163
Eric, if you don't want to eat,
377
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,583
then why don't you just go
brush your teeth and go to bed?
378
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,126
No.
You're asking him a favor.
379
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,003
Don't ask a favor.
Dominate.
380
00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,505
Mom, I want this guy
out of here! You got it?!
381
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,007
If he's not gone in two minutes,
382
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,259
I will call social services
on you!
383
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,136
You project the dominant energy,
384
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,555
and he will pick up on it,
I promise.
385
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,682
Shoulders back, head high.
386
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,435
Don't reason with it.
Don't argue with it.
387
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,186
Just dominate it.
388
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:57,522
I am your son,
and you will listen to me!
389
00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:58,857
- You have no right to --
- Tsst!
390
00:14:58,982 --> 00:14:59,900
Mom, knock it off!
391
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,192
- I'm not gonna stand for --
- Tsst!
392
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,611
- Seriously, Mom --
- Tsst!
393
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,404
This is --
Why are you doing this?
394
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,614
- Tsst! Tsst!
- Mom!
395
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,575
Ma...Ma...
396
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,994
I did it!
397
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:16,333
You see? You were calm,
assertive, and in control.
398
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,255
Oh!
Oh, my gosh!
399
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,883
See? This is the behavior
we've been looking for.
400
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,927
This is a relaxed,
submissive state.
401
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,304
- He's never done this before.
- Good.
402
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,140
Now you can reward the behavior
with praise and attention.
403
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,017
I love you very much,
poopsiekins.
404
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,103
You're Mommy's sunshine.
405
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,605
Now you can give him a snack.
406
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:42,943
Good.
This is really good.
407
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,361
Now try a command.
408
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,197
Eric, I want you to go upstairs
and brush your teeth.
409
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,533
Then I'll be up
to read you a story before bed.
410
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,579
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
411
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,209
Oh, my goodness.
I can't believe it.
412
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,669
This is a great first step.
413
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,630
But you're going to have to stay
firm and confident.
414
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,340
You are the pack leader now.
415
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,883
I am the pack leader!
416
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,635
Now, before you go
read your son a story,
417
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,387
let's go enjoy a nice,
quiet cup of tea.
418
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:11,972
Sounds divine.
419
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,642
Who does she think she is
telling me to go brush my teeth?
420
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:25,235
Jesus.
What's happening to me?
421
00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,700
So, how is your son doing,
Mrs. Cartman?
422
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,451
Oh, he's been amazing, Cesar.
423
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,412
He got an "A"
on his last spelling test
424
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,080
and a B-plus in history.
425
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,249
He's losing weight,
and he's doing what I tell him.
426
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:40,291
That's great!
427
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,128
The best part is I'm not letting
him boss me around anymore.
428
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,338
I could have never come out
and had a nice lunch
429
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,716
on a Saturday afternoon
with a friend before!
430
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,633
Good, Mrs. Cartman.
431
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,385
Sounds like you're treating
your son like a son
432
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,720
and not like a friend.
433
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,346
There's just one problem.
434
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:55,640
He still fights me
every step of the way.
435
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:58,018
I feel like he's doing
what I tell him
436
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:01,688
but that inside he's still
the same angry, spoiled child.
437
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:02,605
Don't worry.
438
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:03,940
When you correct the behavior,
439
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:07,068
eventually you will see a change
in the personality.
440
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,321
Oh, Cesar, I'm so happy
to have you in my life.
441
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,491
[ Door opens, closes ]
442
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:15,827
Guys, listen up.
443
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,412
I really need your help
this time.
444
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,913
I've thought about it a lot,
445
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,541
and I've decided
I have to kill my mom.
446
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,834
Kill your mom?
447
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,836
She doesn't let me wear
whatever I want anymore.
448
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,463
Things have really gotten
out of hand.
449
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,423
My mom must die
so I can have a place to live,
450
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,091
but without her trying to run
my life.
451
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,510
She's like Hitler
with all the demands she makes.
452
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:33,595
Dude, have you lost more weight?
453
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,680
Yes!
I've lost almost 10 pounds now!
454
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:36,681
You see what I mean?
455
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,184
I totally know how it felt to be
a Jew in the Holocaust now.
456
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,352
I have to kill my mom.
It's my only way out.
457
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,229
Dude, don't kill your mom.
That's not cool.
458
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,397
She's Hitler.
459
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,274
Would you have killed Hitler
if you had the chance?
460
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,442
All right.
Now, here's the plan.
461
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,486
At 9:45 tonight,
I will sneak out of my room
462
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:51,446
and leave the house,
leaving the back door unlocked.
463
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,074
You guys come into the house
at 10:30 p.m. sharp,
464
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,700
having given me enough time
to get down to Perkins
465
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,035
and be seen by everyone there.
466
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,120
And then all four of you
go upstairs to kill my mom.
467
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,955
Dude, we're not killing
your mom.
468
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,166
Well, I can't kill her.
I'm too obvious a suspect.
469
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,085
When you reach her room,
Butters will keep a lookout
470
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,419
while Kenny opens
the bedroom door,
471
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,796
Kyle puts a pillow
over my mom's head,
472
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,255
and Stan shoots her in the face.
473
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,548
Where am I supposed to get
a gun?
474
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,217
Well, I don't know.
That's your job, Stan!
475
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,551
Do I have to think of everything
here?
476
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:14,844
I'm not shooting anybody.
477
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,055
Okay. Fine. Butters, you cover
my mom's head with a pillow.
478
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,390
- Kyle can shoot her in the face.
- No, Cartman!
479
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,059
Oh. Well, how about
I just do everything?
480
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,769
How does that sound?
I'll just do everything
481
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:24,354
while you guys sit here
and play video games!
482
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,233
Fine!
I'll do it by myself!
483
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,610
[ Insects chirping ]
484
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:31,778
[ Clock ticking ]
485
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:34,114
[ Door opens, hinges squeak ]
486
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,866
[ Dramatic music plays ]
487
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,374
You forced me to do this.
488
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,376
You couldn't just love me
as a son.
489
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:50,213
You just had to humiliate
and degrade me with your rules.
490
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,466
I won't let you dominate
my life anymore.
491
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,635
Goodbye, Mother.
492
00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,973
[ Thinking ]
Wait.
493
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,724
Maybe...
494
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,561
Maybe I don't have the right
to kill my mom.
495
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,062
No!
She's my mom.
496
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,480
I can do whatever I want
with her!
497
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,024
It's more important
I live the way I want!
498
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,318
She isn't an object you can own.
She's a human being.
499
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,654
She isn't an object I can own.
S-She's a human being.
500
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,115
No! Kill her!
No! She's making you suffer!
501
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,283
[ Grunts ]
502
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,410
Maybe all these changes are good
for me.
503
00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:21,661
Maybe...
504
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,372
The world doesn't revolve
around me?
505
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:29,085
Maybe the world doesn't revolve
around me.
506
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,296
[ Gagging ]
507
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:37,510
The...world doesn't revolve
around me!
508
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,138
Aah!
509
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,726
Aaaaah!
510
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,352
Aaaaah!
511
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,574
[ Gasps ]
512
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:06,039
Why, Eric!
You made your own breakfast!
513
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,499
Yeah, Mom. It's okay.
It's grapefruit and lean ham.
514
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,501
And you're studying
before school?
515
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,629
Well, you told me
I had to review my homework
516
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:13,838
before class started.
517
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,634
Oh, Eric.
I'm very proud of you.
518
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,928
T-Thank you?
519
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,221
I love you, sweetie.
520
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,056
Okay, Mom.
You're embarrassing me. Geez!
521
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:25,391
[ Doorbell rings ]
522
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,312
Cesar, I'm so happy you're back!
523
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,605
How is the child doing?
524
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,023
Oh, he's amazing.
525
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,484
I think the change
in personality happened.
526
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,152
He's doing things
for himself now,
527
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:37,820
and he seems to be accepting it.
528
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:40,907
I've lost a best friend,
but I've gained a son.
529
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,408
That's much healthier for him.
530
00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:45,036
And when he gets older, he'll
be able to be your friend, too.
531
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,371
You're the best, Cesar.
532
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:49,332
And to show my gratitude, I've
got two tickets for you and me
533
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,584
to see "Madam Butterfly"
this Friday night.
534
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,961
Well, no.
My work is done.
535
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,545
I've got to get back
to Los Angeles.
536
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:58,424
Oh. But I thought
we were becoming friends.
537
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,301
No, not really.
You're just a client.
538
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,346
Well, good luck to you.
Got to go!
539
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,600
I cleared up the table, Mom.
540
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,645
I'm gonna go upstairs
and make my bed now.
541
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,482
Eric, how would you like
to go with me
542
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,776
to see "Madam Butterfly"
Friday night?
543
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:17,902
No, that's okay.
544
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,153
Besides, I told Stan and Kyle
545
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:20,738
we could work
on our science project then.
546
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,240
Well, what if I took you
547
00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:24,617
to Kentucky Fried Chicken
afterward?
548
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:29,247
And then we'll go to Target,
and I'll buy you a Megaranger.
549
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:34,502
Could I perhaps have...
two Megarangers?
550
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:38,298
Yes, darling.
You can have whatever you want.
551
00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:41,968
[ Ominous operatic music plays ]