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00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,013
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,723
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,391
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,602
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
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♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
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♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
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Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:32,950
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,911
[ Bell rings ]
11
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And so, class, that is when
Jolie countered back to Aniston
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and said things like --
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Oh, hello, Mr. Mackey.
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All the girls go out
in the hall, please.
15
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,050
I need to speak with the boys
of this class, m'kay.
16
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,513
Boys, we have
a very serious problem.
17
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I've just come from
the men's restroom,
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and somebody went number two
in the urinal.
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What's a urinal?
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The wall toilet for peeing in.
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00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:09,612
And some jokester
took a poop in it, m'kay.
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Now, I want whoever did it
to come forward right now,
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and it will be less painful
for everybody, m'kay?
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Who would take a dump
in the urinal?
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It's such a s-senseless crime.
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Mr. Mackey, I think
you might want to entertain
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that this is some kind
of conspiracy.
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Just like 9/11.
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Oh, God!
Here we go again.
30
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9/11 was not a conspiracy,
fat-ass!
31
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Oh, really?
32
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,342
Do you just believe everything
you're told, Kyle?
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Excuse me!
34
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Can we get back to the issue,
please?
35
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You all don't seem to understand
how serious this is!
36
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Now, who made dookie
in the urinal?
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- [ Laughter ]
- Oh, you think it's funny, huh?
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M'kay!
M'kay!
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You're gonna think it's real
funny when the police get here!
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MAN:
I'm sorry, Mr. Mackey,
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but there just isn't really
any evidence to go on.
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But there must have been
some motive.
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Nobody would just dook
in the urinal for no reason.
44
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But who would benefit
from crapping in the urinal?
45
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This is too big a mystery
for me.
46
00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:05,167
I think we better call in
the Hardly Boys.
47
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:08,045
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
48
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,384
MAN: The Hardly Boys --
two young whippersnappers
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00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,427
with a knack
for solving mysteries!
50
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The Hardly Boys in...
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So that's it, Hardly Boys.
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We've got no leads and nobody
admitting to the crime.
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That sure is a mystery.
54
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Yeah.
It sounds super hard.
55
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Whoever did it must have been
angry with the school.
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Oh.
Oh, I think I'm getting a clue.
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Really?
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Yeah, this is totally
giving me a clue right now.
59
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Oh, I'm starting
to get a clue, too!
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My clue's kind of pointing
this way.
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Oh. Yeah.
Now I've got a total clue.
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I've still got a raging clue.
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My clue's pointing
over there now!
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Oh, let's follow that clue.
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[ Bell rings ]
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Did they find out who crapped
in the urinal yet?
67
00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:03,684
Not yet.
68
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,603
They aren't going to find out
who did it.
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But they'll make up a scapegoat,
send him to detention,
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00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:08,981
and make us all believe it.
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It'll be 9/11 all over again.
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Will you shut up about 9/11?
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Kyle, why are you so afraid
of the truth?
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Because anybody who thinks 9/11
was a conspiracy is a retard!
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Oh, really?
76
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,868
Well, did you know over
one-fourth of people in America
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think that 9/11
was a conspiracy?
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Are you saying that one-fourth
of Americans are retards?
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00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,833
Yes, I'm saying one-fourth
of Americans are retards.
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Yeah, at least one-fourth.
81
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Let's take a test sample.
There's four of us.
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00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,422
You're a retard.
That's one-fourth.
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There are so many people
who know the truth, Kyle.
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Butters!
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Hey, fellas!
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Butters, do you think
9/11 was just a plot
87
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:40,930
by some angry terrorists,
88
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,723
or do you think there was
some kind of cover-up?
89
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:46,143
Well, I heard that 9/11
was caused by President Bush.
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Aha!
You see?
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Where did you hear that?
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- From Eric.
- I rest my case.
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Butters, you don't really
believe that, do you?
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00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,736
Well, I mean, you never know.
95
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:57,905
The government does
some pretty spooky things.
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00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,949
The government and the
corporations headed by the Jews
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00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,575
that carried out 9/11.
98
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,494
- That's right, Butters.
- God damn it!
99
00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:06,163
You see what happens when you
spread this crap, fat-ass?!
100
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,332
- What? People see the truth?
- Can I go now?
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00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:09,375
You guys are blind!
102
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,584
I can't believe everyone here
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00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,586
is just buying into what
they're told by the media.
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00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,171
I'm gonna go find out the truth.
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00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:16,215
I'm gonna blow the lid off
this whole 9/11 conspiracy
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once and for all!
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Oh, no.
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[ Down-tempo music plays ]
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♪ Is it wrong for me
to ask questions? ♪
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♪ Is it wrong to seek
the truth? ♪
111
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,563
♪ I can't just blindly accept
their version ♪
112
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:34,692
♪ I can't base my logic
on proof ♪
113
00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:37,945
♪ Almost all the evidence
points one way ♪
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00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:41,615
♪ But I'm like Charlie Sheen
and Gloria Estefan ♪
115
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,660
♪ I need to know
what really happened ♪
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♪ On 9/11 ♪
117
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♪ 'Leven, 'leven,
'leven, 'leven ♪
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00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:52,626
♪ What really happened on 9/11 ♪
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Of course.
It's so obvious.
120
00:04:57,131 --> 00:05:00,050
How did we not see it before?
121
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,428
This is my frog.
He doesn't have a name.
122
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,888
He's a frog, not a toad,
because toads don't ribbit.
123
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,016
I think frogs are good pets.
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00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,851
[ Scattered applause ]
125
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,561
Okay.
Thank you, Leroy.
126
00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:13,439
Thanks for sharing your
dumb little frog with the class.
127
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:16,400
Okay. Anybody else have anything
for show-and-tell?
128
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:19,653
Uh! Uh! Uh!
Uhhh!
129
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,613
All right, Eric.
You can go next.
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For show-and-tell today,
I have brought
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00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,913
my shocking PowerPoint report
on the truth...
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behind the 9/11 attacks.
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Oh, Christ.
134
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,795
We are told to believe
that the fire from the jet fuel
135
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,756
melted the steel framing
of the towers,
136
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,215
which led to their collapse.
137
00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:41,717
But did you know
jet fuel doesn't burn
138
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,053
at a high enough temperature
to melt steel?
139
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,681
We were told the Pentagon was
hit by a hijacked plane as well.
140
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,558
But now look at this photo
of the Pentagon.
141
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,893
The hole is not
nearly big enough.
142
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,479
And if a plane hit it,
where's the rest of the plane?
143
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,064
Whoa.
144
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:56,482
So now
the inevitable question --
145
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,650
If terrorists didn't cause 9/11,
who did?
146
00:05:58,776 --> 00:06:00,903
Remember that there are,
in fact, two towers.
147
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,572
Two minus one is one --
one, one -- 11.
148
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,075
Two minus one is one.
One, one.
149
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,159
And there are nine members
150
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:08,327
on Silverstein's board
of directors.
151
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,788
That's 9-1-1 -- 9/11.
152
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:14,625
And take two minus one
plus 9-11, and you get 12.
153
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:18,712
Which leads us all to the
mastermind of the 9/11 attacks.
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00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,048
Kyle.
155
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:22,466
Me?
156
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,259
Twelve contains the numbers 1
and 2,
157
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:25,511
just like the toilet yesterday,
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00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,429
where somebody went number two
instead of number one.
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00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:30,391
Add one and two with 911,
and you get 914.
160
00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:32,059
Drop the 4, and it's 91 --
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00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,144
exactly the score Kyle got
on his spelling test
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00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,813
12 days after 9/11!
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00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:38,023
Who had the most to gain
from 9/11? Kyle!
164
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,109
Who was nowhere to be found
the morning the towers fell?
165
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:40,818
Kyle!
166
00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,986
Who dropped the deuce
in the urinal? Kyle!
167
00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:44,655
But probably the most damning
of all
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00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:47,324
is the evidence seen
in this photo of tower 2.
169
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,660
When I zoomed in, I saw what
first appeared to be a blur.
170
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,829
But when I computer-enhanced
it...
171
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:56,708
You almost got away with it,
you sneaky butthole.
172
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,546
[ Bell rings ]
173
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,758
Hey, Token.
174
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:07,052
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
175
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,680
Y-You gonna watch the game
tonight, Butters?
176
00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:11,223
Aah!
177
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,809
All right.
All right!
178
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,562
I was not responsible for 9/11!
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00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:20,274
God damn it!
180
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,445
Hello, boubbie.
How was school today?
181
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:25,612
Terrible.
182
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,073
Oh, come on.
School isn't all that bad.
183
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,826
But everyone thinks
I was responsible for 9/11.
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00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,911
Wha-Wha-What?!
185
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,371
KYLE'S MOM:
We have to do something.
186
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,123
It is obvious our children
187
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,625
are still completely confused
about 9/11!
188
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,961
Yes, we need to go over it
again in the classrooms
189
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,255
so they understand
what really happened.
190
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,424
Well, what really happened?
191
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:46,800
There's strong evidence
192
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:49,344
that what we were told
isn't the truth.
193
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,096
- Oh, no.
- Oh, brother.
194
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,055
That's right.
195
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,308
Did you know
there were explosions seen
196
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,143
at the base of the towers?
197
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:58,020
- No, no.
- Are you retarded?
198
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,646
Look, whatever you believe,
199
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,441
the fact of the matter
is somebody...
200
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,568
dropped a dook
in the school urinal,
201
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,653
and there's still no explanation
for that!
202
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:09,406
Mr. Mackey, there are more
important things going on here.
203
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:10,449
More important?
204
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:11,658
You aren't the one
205
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,411
who had to walk into
the boys' bathroom, m'kay,
206
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,997
after having to wake up early,
you know.
207
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:19,249
There's no -- no coffee
in the teachers' lounge,
208
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,792
and then you --
you walk into the bathroom
209
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:23,545
just to find a big dook
laying there in the urinal,
210
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:24,963
like it's laughing at you!
211
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,131
He's right!
212
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,926
The turd could have been
put in there to cover up 9/11!
213
00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:31,303
No, I'm not saying
they're related!
214
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,055
How do we know they're not?
215
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:36,683
We need to be brave enough
to ask questions.
216
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,102
It's obvious that before we go
any further,
217
00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:42,648
we need to find out who was
behind 9/11 once and for all!
218
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:44,107
Who else could it have been?
219
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,109
This is too big a mystery
for me.
220
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,403
I think we'd better call in
the Hardly Boys.
221
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,280
Oh, no.
Not the goddamn --
222
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,659
MAN: The Hardly Boys --
two young whippersnappers
223
00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:55,410
with a taste
for solving mysteries.
224
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,787
The Hardly Boys in...
225
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,668
So that's about the long
and short of it, Hardly Boys.
226
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:06,129
There were two towers that stood
right here, and they're gone.
227
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,423
And nobody knows
who's responsible?
228
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,759
There are theories,
but nobody's certain.
229
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,805
Hmm. Who would benefit most
from two buildings disappearing?
230
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:17,516
Ooh. Oh, I just started
getting a clue.
231
00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:18,433
Really?
232
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,811
Yeah.
I'm totally getting a clue.
233
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,313
Oh.
Oh, that's giving me a clue.
234
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:26,108
Yeah. Y-Yeah. I've got
a raging clue right now.
235
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,651
Mine's pointing to the left.
236
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:31,613
Oh. Oh, Frank, seriously, I have
such a raging clue right now.
237
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,490
I think we'd better follow it.
238
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,284
Okay.
Let's follow your raging clue.
239
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,911
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
240
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,955
Godspeed.
241
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:46,086
[ Insects chirping ]
242
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,506
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
243
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:54,886
[ Indistinct talking on radio ]
244
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,723
- Kyle!
- Aah!
245
00:09:57,848 --> 00:09:59,766
Dude, do you mind telling me
why CIA guys
246
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:02,019
are coming to my house
and questioning me about you?
247
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,103
I don't know, dude!
248
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,688
It's like everyone's
putting pieces together
249
00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:05,689
that aren't there!
250
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,190
But why did you
have to involve me?
251
00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:09,067
- It's not my fault!
- All right. Look.
252
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,569
I've been doing research
on the Web,
253
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,446
and I found an organization
who says they can prove
254
00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:13,739
you weren't involved in 9/11.
255
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,157
- Really?
- Come on.
256
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,908
We'll go out the back
so they don't see you.
257
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:19,328
There's just one thing
I need to know before we go.
258
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:22,331
You weren't responsible
for 9/11, right?
259
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:26,168
Dude.
260
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:27,669
That's all I needed.
261
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:30,964
[ Bell rings ]
262
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,091
Now, you might all think
I've given up
263
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:35,761
finding who crapped
in the urinal, m'kay.
264
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:39,222
And maybe -- maybe you think
it's a victimless crime.
265
00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:43,185
This is Mr. Venezuela,
the school janitor, m'kay.
266
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,896
He's the person
who has to clean up
267
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:49,483
when some trickster drops a dook
in the wrong toilet.
268
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:53,945
Mr. Venezuela makes six bucks
an hour at best, m'kay.
269
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:55,947
He's got three kids at home.
270
00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:57,658
He's got a car
that barely works.
271
00:10:57,783 --> 00:11:00,744
He's got to clean up puke
with sawdust, m'kay.
272
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,579
Then he walks
into the boys' room
273
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:05,499
and sees a big, meaty chud
starin' him in the face.
274
00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:09,169
So when you crapped
in that urinal, m'kay,
275
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,171
you might as well have
just dropped your pants
276
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,924
and laid a turd right
on Mr. Venezuela's head.
277
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,842
[ Laughter ]
278
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,344
Oh, you think it's funny, huh?
279
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,013
Mr. Mackey, we got him!
280
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:20,847
Huh?
281
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:23,725
We caught the person
that did it.
282
00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:30,899
Hi.
We were hoping you can help us.
283
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,693
My friend is being blamed
for 9/11.
284
00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:35,529
Oh, geez.
Come on in, kids.
285
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:37,656
It doesn't surprise me.
286
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:40,283
More and more people are being
blamed for 9/11 every day.
287
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:41,368
- They are?
- Yeah.
288
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:44,287
It's a way of keeping people
from seeing the real evidence.
289
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:45,622
I know it seems crazy,
290
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,041
but 9/11 was pulled off
by our own government
291
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,794
so they could gain support
for attacking the Middle East.
292
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,295
What?
No, no, no.
293
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,797
I know it's hard to believe.
294
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,007
Dude, why would the government
attack its own buildings?
295
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,093
It's called
the false-flag policy.
296
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,137
Make it look like the enemy
has attacked you.
297
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:03,098
Get all your citizens riled up
and waving American flags.
298
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:06,226
Then you're free to invade
any country you want.
299
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,603
That's retarded.
300
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,230
Look into the evidence of 9/11,
301
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,482
and you'll see there are a lot
of holes in their story.
302
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,317
There's a lot of holes
in the theory of evolution, too.
303
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:15,402
It doesn't mean it's wrong.
304
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,903
You don't understand!
305
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,739
The government controls
everything.
306
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:20,323
The media, the corporations.
307
00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:22,492
They have the power
to do anything they want!
308
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:25,203
Here. Look.
Read the labels on these!
309
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,246
Go on!
Read them!
310
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,540
"Code 2-3-4."
311
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,834
We think they came
from a government office.
312
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,753
- What is it?
- It's anthrax.
313
00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:34,171
Anthrax?
314
00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:36,506
Someday we'll use it
as evidence against them.
315
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,717
Stan, we can't be seen
with this nut job!
316
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,635
[ Men shouting, guns cocking ]
317
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,304
[ Sirens wailing ]
318
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:46,099
Aw! Aw!
Awwwww!
319
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:50,061
Why, Clyde?
Why did you do it?
320
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,105
I don't know.
321
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:55,317
You've got a whole school here,
Clyde, m'kay?
322
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,361
You've got over 300 people
that need to use the boys' room.
323
00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:01,031
And you decide you're gonna
be a comedian, m'kay,
324
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,866
and pinch one off in the urinal
325
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,118
and leave it laying there for
everyone to have to look at.
326
00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:06,995
- [ Snorts ]
- Okay, okay.
327
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,581
You think it's funny,
but nobody else does.
328
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,166
They've got to walk
into that bathroom
329
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,834
and see your rancid dook
propped up
330
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,545
against the back of the urinal
like a brown rag doll.
331
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:16,963
[ Laughs ]
332
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:18,965
Mr. Mackey,
Clyde's parents are here.
333
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,467
M'kay.
That's good.
334
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:21,927
Let's see what your mom and dad
have to say
335
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:23,595
about your little poopscapade.
336
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,596
Come on in, please.
337
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,181
I'm just trying to get your son
to explain
338
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,600
why he would drop a dook
in the urinal.
339
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:33,271
Mr. Mackey...there's something
you should know.
340
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:36,024
[ Dramatic music plays ]
341
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:41,363
Excuse me.
There's been a misunderstanding.
342
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,323
Come on in, Mr. President.
343
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,494
Uh, Mr. President, my name is --
344
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:48,662
Shut up!
345
00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:50,372
You think we don't know
your name?
346
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,540
We know everything.
347
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,583
We control everything.
348
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,627
We've all worked very hard
349
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:58,547
to keep our involvement in 9/11
a secret.
350
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:01,299
But you just had to
keep digging.
351
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:02,676
Really?
352
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:05,220
You won't get away with it.
People know.
353
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,098
People?
You mean sheeple.
354
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:11,601
We have the majority of them
kept in blissful ignorance.
355
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:14,813
Just one more leak to fix.
356
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,898
Wait.
What are you doing?
357
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,693
You've been a thorn in our side
for too long, I'm afraid.
358
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,903
No.
You can't do this!
359
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,488
Please!
I'll stop.
360
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,699
I'll take down the website.
361
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:28,618
[ Muffled shouting ]
362
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:29,786
Too late.
363
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:30,871
[ Gunshot ]
364
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,206
Jesus Christ!
365
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,419
[ Laughs ]
He died like a pig.
366
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,337
Some pigs never learn.
367
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,007
No way.
368
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,134
He was right.
You did cause 9/11!
369
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:45,343
Yes.
370
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:48,221
Quite simple to pull off,
really.
371
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:50,682
All I had to do was have
explosives planted
372
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,434
in the base of the towers.
373
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,478
Then on 9/11, we pretended like
four planes were being hijacked
374
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:57,606
when really we just rerouted
them to Pennsylvania,
375
00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,066
then flew two military jets
into the World Trade Center
376
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:02,193
filled with more explosives
and shot down all the witnesses
377
00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:03,820
in Flight 93 with an F-15
378
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,072
after blowing up the Pentagon
with a cruise missile.
379
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,325
It was only
the world's most intricate
380
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:11,953
and flawlessly executed
plan ever, ever.
381
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,415
Really?
382
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,333
Why?
383
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:19,085
The oldest reason
in the world -- money.
384
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:20,170
The towers fell,
385
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:23,089
and the American sheeple
all waved their flags.
386
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,091
Finally we could invade Iraq
387
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:28,637
and get the oil which made us
all even richer than before.
388
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,181
Beautiful money.
[ Laughs ]
389
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,308
Really?
390
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,809
Is the whole government
in on this?
391
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:38,229
We are all-knowing
and all-powerful.
392
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:40,440
Goodbye, boys.
393
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,819
[Alarm blaring ]
394
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,529
Dang it!
I missed again!
395
00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:48,114
For Christ's sake, Cheney!
396
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,408
Kyle, run!
397
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,245
Kill them!
398
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,790
[ Sighs ]
399
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,667
Attention, students.
400
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,127
Apparently Clyde could not
have been the one
401
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,629
who crapped in the urinal,
402
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:06,758
because Clyde had a colostomy
at age 5, m'kay.
403
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:09,469
Now, whoever did
this unspeakable act
404
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:10,720
is still at large.
405
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:13,974
The boys' bathroom is closed
until further notice
406
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,768
because one of you thought
it would be a good idea
407
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:19,521
to pull down your pants, m'kay,
408
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,357
hover your butt cheeks
over the urinal,
409
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:26,069
and squeeze out
a chocolate hot dog, m'kay.
410
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,445
[ Laughter ]
411
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,447
Oh, you think that's funny, huh?
412
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,783
Let me assure you
there is nothing funny
413
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:35,996
about going up to a nice, clean,
unsuspecting urinal, m'kay,
414
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:39,582
dropping your pants
and then turning around,
415
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,835
squatting over that urinal,
m'kay,
416
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,588
maybe pulling your butt cheeks
apart with your hands, m'kay,
417
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,799
and then laying out
a big fudge dragon
418
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,300
for all the world to see.
419
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,427
[ Laughter ]
420
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,512
Oh, yeah.
That's real funny.
421
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,723
I'm gonna catch
this son of a bitch
422
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:58,435
if it's the last thing I do,
m'kay!
423
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:07,485
All right. Now we have to
switch over to inner bus 65.
424
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:08,695
We made it, dude.
425
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,363
We should be home
in less than 18 hours.
426
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:12,449
Then we'll tell everyone
what we saw!
427
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,951
It just doesn't seem right.
428
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:16,578
Yeah.
Our eyes are finally open, dude.
429
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,455
It's like waking up
for the first time.
430
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,832
Yeah, but doesn't it seem like
431
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,917
we got out of the White House
pretty easily?
432
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,878
I mean, it seems like
it would be pretty hard
433
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,421
to escape from the White House
with everyone chasing you,
434
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,214
and we just kind of...ran out.
435
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:30,050
Well, dude,
maybe we're just super badass.
436
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:31,468
Have you thought of that?
437
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:33,928
Hey!
438
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,889
[ Dramatic music plays ]
439
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:38,600
Dude.
You're alive?
440
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:41,936
[ Gasps ]
441
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,146
Come back here!
442
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:46,566
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
443
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,069
Hey!
444
00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:50,570
[ Grunts ]
445
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,698
[ Music continues ]
446
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:58,912
Aah!
447
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:00,705
Aah!
448
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,707
Aah!
Aah!
449
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,751
No! Please!
Please!
450
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,753
Dude, what the hell is going on?
451
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:07,962
Don't kill me!
452
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,422
I-I just do what they say!
453
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,758
- What who says?
- I have a family!
454
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:14,052
Please don't kill me!
[ Sobs ]
455
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,970
Dude, we aren't going to
kill you!
456
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,764
[ Gunshot ]
457
00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:19,390
Oh, God!
458
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,184
It isn't safe here, boys!
Follow me!
459
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:22,477
Who the [bleep] are you?
460
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,896
There's no time!
Come on!
461
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,446
Do you mind telling us
what the hell is going on?
462
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,740
- Who are you?
- I'm a detective.
463
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:38,159
And I'm afraid you kids
have been double-crossed.
464
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,453
You've figured
this thing all out?
465
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,872
Not me.
My mystery-solving sons.
466
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,040
Come on in, boys.
467
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,792
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
468
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,919
My boys were researching
who went number two
469
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,045
in the urinal at your school
470
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:51,631
when they discovered something
odd, which gave them a clue.
471
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,550
It gave us both a clue.
472
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:57,137
That clue lead them to
a 9/11 conspiracy group party,
473
00:18:57,262 --> 00:18:58,930
where they got a lot more clues.
474
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,766
I was getting a clue
like every two minutes.
475
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,726
I got such a raging clue
476
00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:06,312
that I almost shot clue goo
all over Joe.
477
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:09,149
Those clues pointed out that all
the 9/11 conspiracy theories
478
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:11,651
could be disproven
scientifically.
479
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:13,862
And that's when Frank got
his biggest clue.
480
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,322
It was huge.
481
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:19,409
That all the 9/11
conspiracy websites
482
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,578
are run by the government.
483
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:26,666
The 9/11 conspiracy
is a government conspiracy.
484
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,001
Oh, Jesus.
485
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:29,127
Why would the government
486
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,962
want people to think
they caused 9/11?
487
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,297
For a government to have power,
488
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:34,591
they must appear to have
complete control.
489
00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:36,050
What better way
to make people fear them
490
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,594
than to convince them
they are capable
491
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,220
of the most elaborate plan
on earth?
492
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,014
BUSH:
That's quite enough, Hardly!
493
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,100
Don't believe what he says,
boys.
494
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,393
We caused 9/11.
495
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,562
It's all right here
in these secret documents.
496
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,064
But you'll never get them.
497
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,025
[ Yawns ]
498
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,069
I knew it!
499
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:58,031
You didn't plan 9/11 and you
didn't really shoot that guy!
500
00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,241
Boys, you don't understand.
501
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,368
People need to think
we're all-powerful,
502
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:03,661
that we control the world.
503
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,413
If they know we weren't
in charge of 9/11,
504
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,373
then we appear to control
nothing.
505
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,918
Why don't you just tell people
the truth?
506
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,711
We do that, too.
507
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,588
And most people believe
the truth.
508
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,424
But one-fourth of the population
is retarded.
509
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,468
If they want to believe
that we control everything
510
00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,595
with intricate plans,
why not let them?
511
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,931
Just one thing, Mr. President.
512
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,850
How the devil did you know
we were all here?
513
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:28,686
[ Gun cocks ]
514
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,730
How come you couldn't
just go home, dude?
515
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:32,440
That's all we had to do.
516
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,525
Stan!
What the [bleep]
517
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,319
It was all planned out.
518
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,446
You knew this whole time?
519
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,739
Why?
520
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,616
Because it was me.
521
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,118
I'm the one who took a dump
in the urinal.
522
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,119
What?
523
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:47,247
The stalls were full, and I
didn't want to miss recess!
524
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:49,207
I didn't think it would
turn into such a big deal!
525
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,667
So you blamed the government?
526
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:53,503
And the government was more
than willing to take the blame,
527
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:56,547
so long as it made them
look responsible for 9/11.
528
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:59,217
Aw, man,
now everyone's gonna know.
529
00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:00,677
Why did the stupid Hardly Boys
530
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,595
have to be so good
at solving mysteries?
531
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,763
So wait.
Wait.
532
00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:05,139
Stan took the dump
in the urinal,
533
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:07,225
and he contacted
the conspiracy website,
534
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,310
but the conspiracy site
was run by the government?
535
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,061
Yeah.
536
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,355
So then who was responsible
for 9/11?
537
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,274
What do you mean?
A bunch of pissed-off Muslims.
538
00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,900
Yeah.
What are you, retarded?
539
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:18,319
[ Laughter ]
540
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:21,114
Well, it looks like
this mystery is solved.
541
00:21:21,239 --> 00:21:24,450
It's time for the culprit
to finally pay.
542
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:30,540
When you dook in the urinal,
it's bad, m'kay?
543
00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:35,044
How would you feel if somebody
came into your home, m'kay,
544
00:21:35,169 --> 00:21:36,546
pulled down their pants,
545
00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:39,757
and laid a big mud monkey
right on your mom's face?
546
00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:41,175
[ Laughs ]
547
00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:42,885
Oh, you think that's funny, huh?
548
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:44,846
Yeah, that's real funny.