1
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:12,013
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,681
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,349
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,561
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,271
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,605
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:25,109
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:28,362
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:32,992
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,704
MAN:
The year is 2006,
11
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,831
and young Eric Cartman
cannot wait
12
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,875
for the new Nintendo Wii
to come out.
13
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,794
Unable to cope with the wait
any longer,
14
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,505
Eric decides to freeze himself
for three weeks.
15
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,675
But a freak avalanche
makes Eric impossible to find,
16
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:54,638
and so he remains frozen
for 500 years.
17
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,684
[ "Buck Rogers in the
25th Century" theme plays ]
18
00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:21,665
[ Music continues ]
19
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,062
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
20
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:46,107
[ Birds, insects chirping ]
21
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,238
[ Squawks ]
22
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,031
Whoa!
Steady!
23
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,408
This way, otters!
24
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:02,039
This is it -- New New Hampshire.
25
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:05,209
We have risked much
bringing you here, time child.
26
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,628
Can it.
27
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,839
You otters may have evolved
to the point you can talk,
28
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,674
but I don't need lectures.
29
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,468
Don't let the time child
out of your sight.
30
00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,845
He could try to run.
31
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,596
We have a deal, Blavius.
32
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,100
As long as I get what I want,
you have nothing to worry about.
33
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,227
[ Squawking ]
34
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,062
Something is spooking
the ostriches.
35
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,398
Sure.
This is monarch land now.
36
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,567
Probably jarvis probes
everywhere.
37
00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:31,485
Here it is!
We have arrived!
38
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:32,486
Hold!
39
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:36,115
This is it, time child --
the old Museum of Technology,
40
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,408
abandoned long ago.
41
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,537
Let's get what you want,
time child, and get out of here.
42
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:46,292
[ Music continues ]
43
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,918
Over here!
44
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,671
Yes! Here!
I-It's here!
45
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,299
The Nintendo Wii.
46
00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:57,136
I've waited so long for this.
47
00:02:58,888 --> 00:02:59,805
All right, time child.
48
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,432
We've filled our side
of the bargain.
49
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,142
Now return with us to Otter Bay.
50
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,144
Sorry, Blavius.
I've got other plans.
51
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:06,604
[ Beeping ]
52
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,355
No!
53
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,523
It was a trick!
54
00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:12,526
Science damn you, time child!
55
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,364
I got it!
I got the Wii!
56
00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,617
MAN:
Time child, you've returned!
57
00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:22,203
We thought for sure you had died
in the thobart plant!
58
00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:25,289
Yeah. Lucky for me the otters
believed I was on their side.
59
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:26,916
Do me a favor.
60
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,500
Next time I'm in
a recessed biocave,
61
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,669
don't send me
a level-two homing call.
62
00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:33,756
T.C., wait!
63
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:36,926
Oh, I can't wait!
This is gonna be so awesome!
64
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,594
Get out of my way!
65
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,471
You gained the otters' trust?!
66
00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:42,890
Were you wearing
an information crystal?
67
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,225
Here.
68
00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:47,478
Science be praised.
This could end the war!
69
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,648
You've done a great thing, T.C.
How can we repay you?
70
00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:52,942
Just send a maintenance guy
to my room!
71
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:56,528
I want this Nintendo hooked up
to my float screen now!
72
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,656
Come on.
73
00:03:58,781 --> 00:03:59,949
Come on!
74
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,576
Dude, what is taking so long?
I want to play!
75
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,162
Uh, what kind of output
does this have?
76
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:08,082
This is some ancient super-VHS
output or something.
77
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,542
I can't connect it
to your float screen.
78
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,045
There's got to be
some way to hook it up!
79
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,588
It's the freakin' future!
80
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,048
It may be the future for you,
81
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,384
but I can't hook up anything
to a float screen
82
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,386
without at least
a laser-seven output.
83
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,096
You got to be [bleep] me!
84
00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,847
Science damn it!
85
00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:26,058
I am so [bleep] sick
of the future!
86
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,310
T.C., what's wrong?
87
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,478
I'll tell you what's wrong.
88
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,648
I've been waiting 500 years
to play the Nintendo Wii,
89
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,693
and if I don't get to play
real soon, I'm gonna bust a nut!
90
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,361
Well, we're all glad
you're back.
91
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,822
I know somebody
who's missed you very much.
92
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,156
Come on in, K-10!
93
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,117
- [ Light music plays ]
- Bark, bark.
94
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619
Hello, Eric.
I have missed you.
95
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,622
Suck my balls, K-10.
I'm not in the mood.
96
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:52,918
Fellow atheists,
the time child has returned
97
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,170
with information
on our sworn enemies,
98
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,881
the Allied Atheist Alliance!
99
00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:01,093
They have started digging
for clams in sector J-7.
100
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,262
If we mount an all-out attack,
101
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,597
we can wipe out
their food supply!
102
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,225
But those are civilian otters.
103
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,019
We cannot tolerate the otters!
104
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,520
Their science is flawed!
105
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,732
Their answer to the great
question is different from ours.
106
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:18,193
Yes, but sending out all
our ships at the same time --
107
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,195
It would leave our city exposed.
108
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:23,240
That's why we have
to be super-duper sure
109
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:26,160
that nobody finds out
we're doing it.
110
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:29,913
The United Atheist Alliance
111
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,999
is about to send out
all its defense ships
112
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,626
to take down the Allied Atheist
Alliance's clam fields!
113
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,045
Praise science!
114
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,755
This is your chance,
young Shpeck,
115
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,506
to avenge your father's death.
116
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,841
Careful, son.
117
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,552
Just because their science
leads them to a different answer
118
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,762
to the great question
119
00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,889
doesn't mean we have the right
to kill them all.
120
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:47,806
No.
121
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,976
Our answer to the great question
is the only logical one.
122
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,728
Our science is great.
123
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,064
Let us not forget
the great Richard Dawkins,
124
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,566
who finally freed the world
of religion long ago.
125
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,360
Dawkins knew that logic
and reason
126
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:00,694
were the way of the future.
127
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,614
But it wasn't until he met
his beautiful wife
128
00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:07,326
that he learned using logic
and reason isn't enough.
129
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:08,911
You have to be a dick
130
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,914
to everyone who doesn't think
like you.
131
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,916
Prepare all the troops.
132
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:18,629
We will level the United
Atheist Alliance to the ground!
133
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:21,215
MAN:
With new Glade monvert cleaner,
134
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:24,426
you can make your monvert
sparkle like never before.
135
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,096
My monvert's never looked
so clean!
136
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:31,141
God, I hate future TV.
There's too many commercials!
137
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,477
Ugh. I'm so bored!
138
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,020
There's nothing to do!
139
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,188
Tell me about it.
140
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,189
Hey, I know!
141
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,316
Let's crank-call people
in the past!
142
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:39,983
Huh?
143
00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:42,736
I just got
the Crank Prank Timephone!
144
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,446
♪ Crank Prank ♪
145
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,198
♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪
146
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,326
MAN: New from Zasbro,
it's Crank Prank Timephone!
147
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,495
I just dial a random number
on the keypad,
148
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,623
enter a date and year
on the divilibrator, and...
149
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,584
Wow! Someone from the past
is on the line!
150
00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,462
Hello.
Is your refrigerator running?
151
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,297
Well, then you better
go catch it!
152
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:03,549
[ Laughter ]
153
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,008
♪ Crank Prank ♪
154
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,593
♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪
155
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:07,428
What?
156
00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,389
Uh, hi.
It's the year 1973, right?
157
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:12,808
Could I speak
with Al Coholic, please?
158
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:13,892
[ Laughter ]
159
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,645
MAN: Crank Prank Timephone
comes with divilibrator,
160
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,147
antimatter fusion cone,
161
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,607
and 30 Blaine H.F. Watt
triggers.
162
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,743
Why didn't anyone tell me
there was a timephone?
163
00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:33,829
Why does it matter?
Bark, bark.
164
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:34,788
Don't you see?
165
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,416
If I get one of those phones,
I can call myself in the past
166
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,835
and tell me
not to freeze myself!
167
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:44,339
Then I can go back to my time...
and play Nintendo Wii.
168
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:47,009
Bark, bark! That phone
is for crank-calling only.
169
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,470
Using it in the way
you described is illegal.
170
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,847
I care!
Where's the closest toy store?
171
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,601
Working. Bark, bark.
The Jarvanian Shopping Complex.
172
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,478
But it is not open yet.
173
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,816
Come on.
174
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,027
Come on!
175
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,738
Store is now open.
Welcome!
176
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:08,864
Ugh, finally!
177
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,407
Welcome to Zeebod's Toys.
178
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,201
I want one of those
timephone things.
179
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,620
Ah. The Crank Prank Timephone.
Sure.
180
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,247
Now, I am required by the state
to make sure you know
181
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,917
this is for prank-calling
the past only, right?
182
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:21,585
Yeah, yeah. I'm only gonna
crank-call people.
183
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,421
All right.
That'll be 6,000 credits.
184
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,964
6,000 credits?
185
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,717
What do I look like to you,
a therilium miner?
186
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,719
This is a pretty advanced
piece of equipment.
187
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:31,845
It's expensive.
188
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,556
Look, I have to have
one of those phones.
189
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,016
Oh, all right.
190
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:38,977
Then I have to have
6,000 credits.
191
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:43,357
Bark, bark. I'm sorry, Eric.
Bark, bark.
192
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,234
How about a robot?
How much for the robot?
193
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,528
- Aww.
- Sorry, kid.
194
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,239
You're gonna have to crank-call
people in the present.
195
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:51,949
Science damn it!
196
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,034
Wait.
K-10.
197
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,119
Can you access
this store's sales records?
198
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,622
Working. Bark, bark.
Accessed.
199
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,582
I want the name
and address of anybody
200
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,584
who's bought a timephone
from this guy in the past week.
201
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,628
Working.
Bark, bark.
202
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,925
The United Atheist Alliance
has taken the bait!
203
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,135
Soon they will
send their ships out
204
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:14,221
to destroy
our decoy clam fields.
205
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,806
And while their ships are away,
206
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,308
the United Atheist League
intends to attack them.
207
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,893
Our plan has worked perfectly,
208
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,853
for when the United
Atheist League
209
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,897
attacks the United
Atheist Alliance,
210
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,358
we will charge in
and kill them all!
211
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,736
Our science, our answer to the
great question shall prevail!
212
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:30,988
ALL:
Hail science!
213
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,114
Hail science!
214
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,657
Hail science!
215
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,952
And I will personally kill
the time child
216
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,622
and eat his entrails
on my tummy!
217
00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:44,960
[ Horn blows ]
218
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:50,007
[ Telephone ringing ]
219
00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,592
I'll get it, darling.
220
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:53,343
Hello?
221
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,261
Hello?
222
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:57,848
Uh, yes. Hello.
I'm calling for Mr. Wall.
223
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,434
I'm sorry.
There's no Mr. Wall here.
224
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,269
Oh, is Mrs. Wall there?
225
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,146
No, there are no Walls here.
226
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,689
Then how does your roof stay up?
227
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,024
[ Laughter ]
228
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:08,275
Oh, I see.
229
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,402
Is this the Johnson boys
from down the street?
230
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,362
No.
We're from the future!
231
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,447
Very funny!
232
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,032
Hi, I'm a pepper,
and I'm wondering
233
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,658
if you'd like to be a pepper,
too.
234
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,619
God darn you!
235
00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:19,870
[ Laughter ]
236
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:21,538
- Yeah!
- That was a great one!
237
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,999
[ Doorbell rings ]
238
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,711
Hello. I'm with
the cubic waste department.
239
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,880
I need to check your lortran
for inhubitors.
240
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,591
Oh.
Okay, I guess.
241
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,760
Come on in, Bob.
242
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,597
All right.
Just let me use my tools.
243
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:41,683
Hey!
244
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,560
[ Laughs ]
Stupid assholes!
245
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,187
♪ I got your timephone ♪
246
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,355
Bark, bark!
247
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,316
Science H. Logic!
What a jerk!
248
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,779
[ Indistinct conversations ]
249
00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,952
WISE ONE:
Silence, otters!
250
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,080
It's the wise one!
251
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,749
The wise one speaks!
252
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:09,836
This is not the path
we should be taking.
253
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,589
Will more bloodshed end
anything?
254
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,592
Wise one, our answer
to the great question
255
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,469
is the only one
based on good science!
256
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,138
Science. Reason.
257
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,474
Is that really all there is?
258
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,643
They are not a logical race,
wise one!
259
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:27,145
They go around
chopping down trees for tables
260
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,773
when they have perfectly good
tummies to eat on!
261
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,108
How logical is that?
262
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:31,942
Yes!
263
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,860
The great Dawkins said
we cannot tolerate those
264
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,237
who don't use reason!
265
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,490
How reasonable is it to eat
off wood instead of your tummy?
266
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,202
Well, perhaps the great Dawkins
wasn't so wise.
267
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,537
Oh, he was intelligent.
268
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:47,082
But some of the most intelligent
otters I've ever known
269
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,459
were completely lacking
in common sense.
270
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:54,172
Maybe some otters do need
to believe in something.
271
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,757
Who knows?
272
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:59,928
Maybe just believing in God
makes God exist.
273
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,474
Kill the wise one!
274
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:05,642
Kill the wise one!
275
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,894
- [ Indistinct shouting ]
- What? No! Wait! Wait!
276
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,605
[ Screaming ]
277
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,399
[ Insects chirping ]
278
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,407
Oh, God.
279
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,869
[ Telephone ringing ]
280
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:26,496
Hello?
281
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:29,124
[ Static ]
282
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,584
CARTMAN:
Hello?
283
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,252
[ Static ]
284
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,212
- Am I there?
- Who is this?
285
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,673
There! There! I have me!
All right. All right. Listen.
286
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,968
Listen to me carefully.
You need to be patient.
287
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,053
What?
Who the hell is this?!
288
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:42,929
It's me!
289
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,181
Me who?
290
00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:45,515
Me you!
291
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:46,808
What?
292
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:47,976
I'm you in the future!
293
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,102
You have to be patient and wait
294
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,687
for the Nintendo Wii
to come out,
295
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:51,938
or else you'll wake up
in the future
296
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,523
and have to deal
with a bunch of sea otters!
297
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,941
Oh, very funny, Kyle!
298
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,443
It's not Kyle!
It's you!
299
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,445
Yeah? Well, you can
go [bleep] yourself.
300
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,572
I'm trying to do you a favor,
dumb-ass!
301
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:01,698
Just listen to me!
302
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,824
Listen to this!
303
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,659
[ Farts ]
304
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,661
Dickhead.
305
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,872
[ Telephone rings ]
306
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,834
What an asshole!
307
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,045
[ Telephone rings ]
308
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,006
- Hello?
- [ Static ]
309
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,008
CARTMAN:
Butters! Butters!
310
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,052
Eric?
Is that you?
311
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,428
Butters!
Butters, listen to me!
312
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,471
J-Just listen.
313
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,223
I'm about to come over
to your house
314
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,058
and ask you to help me
freeze myself.
315
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,434
Do not do it!
316
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,146
Eric, are you playing
a joke on me again?
317
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,606
No!
This is not a joke!
318
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,400
Whatever I say to you, Butters,
no matter how hard I try,
319
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:39,653
do not do what I tell you.
320
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:43,573
But --
But you're here right now!
321
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,159
Butters! Come on!
We got to go!
322
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,912
No! Don't listen to me!
Tell me to go screw myself!
323
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:49,788
Huh?
324
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,540
Come on, Butters!
It's gonna get dark!
325
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,543
But you're telling me
not to go with you.
326
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,044
What?
327
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,255
Who the [bleep] is this?!
328
00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,965
Aw, damn it.
Just listen to me!
329
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,259
If you freeze yourself,
you are going to die!
330
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:03,343
Suck my balls!
331
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,803
No, you suck my balls!
332
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,638
Just listen to me
for one minute!
333
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,557
Okay.
You have one minute.
334
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,225
Right before you left
for Butters' house,
335
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,602
you drank a bunch of Ovaltine
and put Clyde Frog in the closet
336
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,354
so nothing would happen to him,
right?
337
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:16,523
Are you spying on me?
338
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:18,650
No, I am you,
you stupid asshole!
339
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,944
[Bleep] you, asshole.
You can go [bleep] yourself.
340
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,946
Come on, Butters.
We're going.
341
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,698
Oh, all right, then.
342
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,617
God, I hate that guy!
343
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:30,203
- [ Dramatic music plays ]
- My friends, the time has come.
344
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:33,540
May science give us the courage
to do what we must.
345
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,334
Launch all defensive ships
to sector J-7.
346
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,837
Take out
the otters' clam fields!
347
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:41,506
[ Whirring ]
348
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:46,219
Sir, the United Atheist Alliance
has sent out all their ships.
349
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,680
Their capital is
now unprotected.
350
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:54,144
Then begin the attack.
Science be praised.
351
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:06,323
Kill the table-eaters
in the name of almighty science!
352
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:09,326
[ Horn blows ]
353
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,495
[ Telephone ringing ]
354
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,874
Hello?
355
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,001
- [ Static ]
- CARTMAN: Hello? Kyle?
356
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:18,835
Hello?
357
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,378
Yes.
Hello, Kyle.
358
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,339
It's Eric.
Uh, how's it going?
359
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,840
What do you want?
360
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,092
Kyle, you are the smartest guy
I know,
361
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,011
so I think maybe you're
the only person
362
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,137
who can understand this.
363
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,263
You know how earlier today,
364
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,890
I asked you
to help me freeze myself?
365
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,767
I'm not going to help you
freeze yourself, Cartman.
366
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:34,893
It's a stupid idea.
367
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,145
No, see, I know
it's a stupid idea,
368
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,564
because I actually did
freeze myself.
369
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,191
And you were right, Kyle.
370
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,944
It -- It backfired, and I was
frozen for 500 years,
371
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,404
and now I'm calling you
from the future.
372
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,449
Uh-huh.
373
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,242
No, really, Kyle,
I'm -- I'm seriously.
374
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,911
Here.
Talk to my robot dog.
375
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:56,456
Bark, bark.
Hello, Kyle. Bark, bark.
376
00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,709
I'm hanging up now.
377
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,044
No!
Kyle, listen, please!
378
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,421
I think right about now,
I'm in my mom's freezer.
379
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,256
Suck my balls, fat-ass.
380
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,259
I will.
I will suck your balls, Kyle.
381
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,261
Just stop me
from freezing myself,
382
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:13,682
and I will get down on my knees,
and I will suck your balls.
383
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,809
I'll suck 'em dry, Kyle.
384
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,019
- [ Horn honks, tires screech ]
- Aw, God damn it!
385
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,354
Now you've made me miss my ride!
386
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,190
My whole day is screwed up
because of you!
387
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,192
Kyle!
388
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,360
Kyle!
389
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,196
Eric, I really think you should
stop calling the past.
390
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,656
You could change the present.
391
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,283
Well, I don't notice anything
different, Kit-9, do you?
392
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,328
I guess not.
Meow, meow.
393
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,998
Hmm.
I see.
394
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,124
[ Explosion ]
395
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,710
- Ugh!
- Meow, meow!
396
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,840
- Aah!
- Meow, meow!
397
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,304
- Aah!
- Meow, meow!
398
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,016
- T.C., we're under attack!
- By who?
399
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,435
We have to get to the war room!
It's the only safe place!
400
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,145
[Alarm blaring ]
401
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,441
The United Atheist League
is bombing the city!
402
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:05,942
We're defenseless!
403
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,110
This is terrible!
404
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,319
I'm gonna die in the future
405
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,071
without ever playing
Nintendo Wii?!
406
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907
Sir, the sea otters
are advancing.
407
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,743
They've broken through
the east portal!
408
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,911
[ Dramatic music plays ]
409
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,209
What?!
Three-way fun-chat on screen!
410
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,713
What are you otters doing?
This is our attack!
411
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,007
Yes, and we are attacking
both of you!
412
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,301
You fools!
This will be the end of us all!
413
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,762
Then accept our answer
to the great question,
414
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,263
and we will withdraw!
415
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,891
Your answer to the great
question is illogical!
416
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:39,684
What is the great question?
417
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,437
What atheists should call
themselves.
418
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,566
Unified Atheist League
is the most logical name!
419
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:49,569
United Atheist Alliance
makes more sense!
420
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,030
No!
Allied Atheist Alliance!
421
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,531
That way it has three A's!
422
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,325
That is the logical choice!
423
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,911
So be it.
We cannot agree.
424
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:58,953
Prepare to die.
425
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,581
- [Alarm blares ]
- Virad missiles launched, sir!
426
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,124
I have to get out of here!
427
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,584
Why is everyone in my past
so stupid
428
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,377
that they think
I'm crank-calling them?!
429
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:07,587
But, Eric, meow, meow,
430
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,381
you knew the wife of the
smartest man in all of history.
431
00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:11,466
Who?
432
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,052
Your teacher,
the one called Garrison.
433
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:16,346
Garrison?
But he's an asshole!
434
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,848
[ Telephone ringing ]
435
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,058
[ Moaning ]
436
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:23,311
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm a monkey!
437
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,396
Give this monkey what she wants!
438
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,148
Oh, Ms. Garrison!
439
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,441
- [ Ringing continues ]
- Damn it!
440
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,734
Who the hell is calling?
441
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,778
I'll tell them to call you back.
442
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,321
[ Breathing heavily ]
443
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:37,117
Garrison residence.
Can you call back later, please?
444
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,786
CARTMAN: It's an emergency!
It's an emergency!
445
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,121
An emergency?
446
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,706
I need to speak
with Mr. Garrison right now!
447
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,459
I'm sorry, but Mr. Garrison
has passed away.
448
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,670
Mrs. Garrison is
the only person here,
449
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,922
and she's rather tied up
at the moment.
450
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,841
Look, asshole!
This is a real emergency!
451
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,759
Just pass the phone
to whatever Garrison
452
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,262
wants to call himself
since the sex-change operation!
453
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,598
Sex-change operation?!
454
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,100
Uh-oh.
455
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:05,311
Ohh!
You're a man?!
456
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,438
Not anymore!
I've been fixed!
457
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,566
Richard, hold on!
I can explain!
458
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:13,236
Explain?!
How could I be so stupid?!
459
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,531
Richard, come back, please!
460
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,451
Well, go ahead and leave,
you atheist faggot!
461
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:24,289
Have fun mocking God in hell,
you queer!
462
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,875
Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison?
463
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,966
All right, Eric.
Are you all set to go?
464
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,302
Go?
465
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,387
Right.
Where am I going?
466
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,471
We told you.
467
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:41,764
We're sending you home
468
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,641
with the Crank-'n'-Wank
Time Machine.
469
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,268
Don't worry, my son.
470
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,394
When you return to your time,
471
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,188
you will merge
with your other self.
472
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,731
It's all very Zen.
473
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,065
Wait.
474
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,359
Isn't everybody at war
over atheism?
475
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,403
Atheism?
No.
476
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,281
We've learned to get rid
of all the isms in our time.
477
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,366
Yes, long ago we realized
478
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,869
isms are great
for those who are rational.
479
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,288
But in the hands
of irrational people,
480
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,540
isms always lead to violence.
481
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:10,043
So there is no war
now in the future?
482
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,377
Of course there's war!
483
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:14,297
The stupid French-Chinese think
they have a right to Hawaii!
484
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,423
ALL:
Yeah!
485
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,010
But now the moment has come
to send you back to your time.
486
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,263
We unfroze you for a purpose,
487
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,682
and now that purpose
is fulfilled.
488
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,100
And what was that purpose again?
489
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,311
We explained that to you
already.
490
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:29,520
Right.
491
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,482
Goodbye, Eric. I will miss you.
Squawk, squawk.
492
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:34,651
I'll miss you, too, Cocka-3.
493
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:37,695
So long, Eric, and tell everyone
in the past for us
494
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,157
that no one single answer
is ever the answer.
495
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,080
Hey!
496
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,207
I'm back.
497
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:51,167
Wow!
I'm back!
498
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,794
There you are, Eric!
499
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,963
Mom!
Mom, they did it!
500
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,547
Eric, you have to come home.
501
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,800
You can't just wait here
for that game to come out.
502
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,802
No, I know.
You're right, Mom.
503
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,054
I need to learn to be patient.
504
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:06,683
I think I can wait three weeks
for Nintendo Wii to come out.
505
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,476
But, honey, it's only September.
506
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:12,021
The Nintendo Wii
doesn't come out for two months.
507
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,606
What?
508
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:14,941
No!
509
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:16,734
No!
510
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,653
You sent me back too far!
511
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,029
Hey!
Do it over!
512
00:21:20,154 --> 00:21:21,698
Who are you talking to, muffin?
513
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,908
I can't wait two months!
I can't!
514
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,368
There has to be a way
around this!
515
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:29,080
Hey, kid,
somebody's on the phone for you.
516
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:30,748
Hello?
517
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:33,334
- [ Static ]
- CARTMAN: Hello? Hello?!
518
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,796
I know what you're thinking.
Do not do it!
519
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,465
You just need to be patient
and wait the two months!
520
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,591
Do you hear me?!
521
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,637
- Oh, suck my balls, Kyle.
- [ Telephone beeps ]