1
00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:04,880
[upbeat acoustic guitar music]
2
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:07,591
♪♪
3
00:00:07,717 --> 00:00:09,760
- ♪ Let's raise the roof,
whoo-whoo ♪
4
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,012
♪ Let's raise the roof ♪
5
00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,555
♪ Whoo-whoo-whoo ♪
6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:13,931
♪ Raise the roof,
whoo-whoo ♪
7
00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,766
♪ Yeah, boy, yeah, boy ♪
8
00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:17,018
♪ Say oh ♪
9
00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:18,227
[together]
♪ Oh ♪
10
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,645
- ♪ Say oh oh ♪
11
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:20,771
[together]
♪ Oh oh ♪
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00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,231
- ♪ Say uh uh uh ♪
13
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,441
♪ Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
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00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:24,608
♪ Whoo ♪
15
00:00:24,734 --> 00:00:26,235
Oh, you're back already.
16
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,903
Wasn't that episode a hoot and
a holler?
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00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:29,739
This next episode is called
"Ike's Wee Wee,"
18
00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,574
and it's all about the courage
of one man in facing
19
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,534
his bitter addiction and coming
to terms with life
20
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,911
before he loses everything he
loves.
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00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,038
And Ike's wee wee.
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Right.
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00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:39,957
I have to go to the bathroom.
24
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:41,959
What did I say?
25
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:45,171
I said calm down, or I'm gonna
be forced to use ninja star.
26
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,423
Anyway, this episode also deals
with the very important
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00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,258
subject
matter of circumcision.
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00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,469
That's when they take a knife
and cut a slit
29
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right down the middle of your
penis
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00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:55,306
slicing it into two halves,
and then they take the two
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00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:56,640
halves and tie them in a little
bow.
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No, they don't.
33
00:00:58,017 --> 00:00:59,351
Huh?
34
00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,979
Dude, that's not what they
do.
35
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:04,607
Is that what they did to you?
36
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,068
Well...well, yeah, that's
what they do to everybody,
37
00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:08,194
isn't it?
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00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,489
No.
[laughs]
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00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:14,658
[laughter]
40
00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:17,328
Dude, now I know why that Sally
chick calls you the pretzel.
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Shut up!
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00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,248
- Well, anyway, this episode is
certainly gonna--
43
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,042
I have to go to.
44
00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:24,668
God damn it! Will you just
give us two minutes?
45
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I can't wait two minutes.
- That's it.
46
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,298
Ninja star!
47
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:32,218
Ahh.
48
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:38,432
Well, anyway, sit back, relax,
and enjoy "Ike's Wee Wee."
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00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:40,518
♪ Raise the roof,
whoo-whoo ♪
50
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:42,770
♪ Raise the roof,
say whoo-whoo-whoo ♪
51
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:52,738
[twangy music]
52
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,240
♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪
53
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:56,242
♪ Gonna have
myself a time ♪
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00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:57,952
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
55
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♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,955
♪ Going down
to South Park ♪
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00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,790
♪ Gonna leave my
woes behind ♪
58
00:02:02,915 --> 00:02:04,500
♪ Ample parking
day or night ♪
59
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,001
♪ People spouting:
"Howdy neighbor!" ♪
60
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,503
♪ Headed on up
to South Park ♪
61
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,255
♪ Gonna see if
I can't unwind ♪
62
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:12,424
[mumbling]
63
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:13,926
♪ So come on down
to South Park ♪
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00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,719
♪ And meet some
friends of mine ♪
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00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:19,348
Okay, children,
let's take our seats.
66
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,059
This morning we're gonna
have a special lecture
67
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:24,979
from your school counselor,
Mr. Mackey.
68
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Boo.
69
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:27,815
Now, who was that?
70
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:30,401
That is not
appropriate behavior, okay.
71
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,653
[as Mackey]
I'm sorry,
Mr. Mackey, okay.
72
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:35,364
That's okay, just don't
let it happen again.
73
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,159
[as Mackey]
We won't let it happen again,
Mr. Mackey, okay.
74
00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:40,619
Okay, okay,
that's fine.
75
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:41,704
[as Mackey] Okay.
76
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:42,705
Okay.
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00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:43,956
[laughter]
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00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,666
Now, as
your counselor,
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00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,751
I'm here to tell you
about drugs and alcohol
80
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:49,837
and why
they're bad, okay.
81
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:52,506
So first of all,
smoking's bad.
82
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:55,759
You shouldn't smoke,
and, uh, alcohol is bad.
83
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:57,344
You shouldn't
drink alcohol,
84
00:02:57,469 --> 00:03:00,181
and as for drugs,
well, drugs are bad.
85
00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:01,932
You shouldn't
do drugs.
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00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,517
Okay, now that about
wraps up my introduction.
87
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,352
Now, are there
any questions?
88
00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:06,812
Yes, Stan.
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00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,439
- Why do dogs
have cold noses?
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00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:10,482
Uh, well,
I'm not sure.
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00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:11,984
Oh.
92
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,986
Now, let's focus our
discussion first
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00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,404
on "mari-ju-wana."
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00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,114
Mari-ju-wana's bad
95
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:19,909
and it also has a very
distinct smell, okay.
96
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:22,161
I'm gonna pass around
just a little tiny bit,
97
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:24,163
and I want you all
to take a smell
98
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,539
so you know when someone
99
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:27,208
is smoking mari-ju-wana
near you.
100
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,460
Okay, just take a smell,
pass it on,
101
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:30,920
and when it gets
back up to me,
102
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,379
we'll finish
talking about it.
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00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:34,048
In the meantime,
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00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:35,341
I want to get into
alcohol a little, okay.
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00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,218
Alcohol is bad.
106
00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:39,220
If you drink alcohol...
107
00:03:39,345 --> 00:03:41,263
Hey, are you guys gonna come
to Ike's party this weekend?
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00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,556
Your little brother's
having a party?
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00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:43,682
Why, is it
his birthday?
110
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,017
No, it's his bris.
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What the hell is
a bris?
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I don't know,
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00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,855
but there's gonna be lots
of food and a band.
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Oh, kick ass.
I want to have a bris.
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00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:53,234
And so, that's why
alcohol is bad.
116
00:03:53,359 --> 00:03:56,987
Has that mari-ju-wana made it
back up here yet?
117
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,364
No? Okay.
118
00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:00,074
Let's talk about LSD.
119
00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:02,993
Children,
LSD is bad.
120
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,495
It's a drug
made famous
121
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:06,497
by John Lennon and
Paul McCartney.
122
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:08,123
Hey, are we supposed to get
123
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:09,166
your little brother presents
for a bris?
124
00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,501
Uh, I'm not sure.
125
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,919
Well, dude, you better
find out.
126
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,420
Boys, are you
paying attention?
127
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:14,797
[as Mackey]
Sorry, Mr. Mackey, okay.
128
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,382
Okay.
129
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:17,549
Now, children, has that
mari-ju-wana
130
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:18,926
made it around
yet?
131
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:23,639
Uh, who--who has
the "mari-ju-wana" now?
132
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,102
Oh-oh--okay, whoever has
the mari-ju-wana,
133
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:30,562
just pass it up to
the front row, okay.
134
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,357
Uh, oh.
135
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,192
I am very disappointed
in you, young man.
136
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,069
You should be ashamed
of yourself.
137
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,113
What could have possessed you
to be so stupid?
138
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:41,198
I'm sorry,
Principal Victoria.
139
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,992
Well, sorry isn't going to
140
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,994
cut the cheese this time,
Mister.
141
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,328
I'm afraid I'm going to have
to suspend you from school.
142
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,247
You mean
I'm fired?
143
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:50,291
Well, I guess that's the
grown-up way to put it, yes.
144
00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:53,377
But--but it was an honest
error of judgment, okay.
145
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,629
I really thought it was
important for the kids to know
146
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,298
the smell
of mari-ju-wana.
147
00:04:57,423 --> 00:04:58,882
It was an error of judgment,
Mr. Mackey,
148
00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:00,801
but I'm afraid I have to
let you go for it.
149
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,137
We searched each one of
those kids, but came up empty.
150
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,097
We had to
let them go home,
151
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,390
and one of them now has
half of a lid of Jamaican grass
152
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:07,975
because of you!
153
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,102
How--how am I gonna
make ends meet?
154
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,520
Okay.
155
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:12,730
What--what will I do
for money?
156
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,315
There, there, now,
157
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,941
maybe this will
all blow over someday
158
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,693
and we can give you
a job as a janitor,
159
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,236
cleaning up vomit
with that pink sawdust stuff.
160
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,448
[sobbing]
Okay.
161
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:25,784
Aah!
162
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,578
Man, that sucked
getting searched.
163
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,288
Yeah, my ass
is killing me.
164
00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:30,998
Why did they
search us?
165
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:32,374
That mari-ju-wana never even
made it to us.
166
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,792
I wonder
who took it.
167
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,586
[playful music]
168
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:39,214
And now it's
almost time for Bobo's...
169
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,759
[laughs]
170
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:44,136
Hello there,
children.
171
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,262
[all together]
Hey, Chef.
172
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,430
How's it going?
173
00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,307
Bad.
- Why bad?
174
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:50,184
- Children, I heard about
what happened at school today.
175
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,186
Now, none of you took
that nasty marijuana, did you?
176
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,729
- No, dude,
we never even saw it.
177
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,689
- Okay, because I just
want to tell you
178
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,775
that drugs are bad!
179
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,526
We know, we know.
That's what everybody says.
180
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:00,944
Right.
181
00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:02,988
But do you know
why they're bad?
182
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,948
Because they're an addictive
solution to a greater problem
183
00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:06,492
causing disease of both
body and mind with consequences
184
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,077
far outweighing
their supposed benefits.
185
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,496
And do you have any idea
what that means?
186
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:12,206
No.
187
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:14,333
I know, drugs are bad
because if you do drugs,
188
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:16,293
you're a hippie,
and hippies suck.
189
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,796
Look, children, this is all
I'm gonna say about drugs:
190
00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,464
stay away from them!
191
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:23,050
There's a time and a place
for everything,
192
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:24,843
and it's called
"college."
193
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,553
Do you understand?
194
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:27,805
[all together]
Dude.
195
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,598
Okay.
196
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,141
Hey, are you gonna come to
Ike's bris this weekend?
197
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,018
Oh, hell no,
I can't bear to see that.
198
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:34,603
What do you mean?
199
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,063
Don't you boys know
what a bris is?
200
00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:37,439
They're going
to circumcise him.
201
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:38,857
What's that?
202
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,193
Oh, boy,
here we go again.
203
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,695
Children,
uh...
204
00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,989
what's the one thing that's
more sacred to a man
205
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:47,699
than anything else
in the world?
206
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:49,493
Uh...bicycles?
207
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:50,953
Ham?
208
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,413
No, not ham,
you fat [bleep].
209
00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:53,539
Screw you!
It's ham, isn't it?
210
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:55,541
No, no, no, children.
211
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,709
I'm talking about the most
important part of a man's body.
212
00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,587
Your heart?
- Your eyes.
213
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:01,839
Oh!
[mumbling]
214
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,257
That's right.
215
00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:04,633
Hey! My mom says you're not
supposed
216
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,260
to call it a "penis,"
Kenny!
217
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:07,261
You're supposed
to call it a "fireman."
218
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:08,762
- A "fireman"?
219
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,180
- That's the proper
way to say it,
220
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:11,265
or else
you get a spanking.
221
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,766
- Damn it, children.
222
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,268
Why do I always
have to be the one
223
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:15,853
to explain all this
stuff to you?
224
00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:17,813
Ask your parents for once.
- Hey, wait!
225
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,149
Dude, something tells me
this bris thing isn't good.
226
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,610
Hey, Mackey,
you got any more pot?
227
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,446
My four-year-old
needs a fix.
228
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:26,488
[laughs]
229
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,407
- Hey, Mackey!
230
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,492
Now we see what you and
Homer Simpson have in common:
231
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,161
"dope"!
[laughs]
232
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,745
Hey, Mackey!
233
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:34,872
Who do you
think you are?
234
00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,207
[all yelling at once]
235
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,917
Hey, hippie,
you gonna do some drugs?
236
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,711
[whimpers]
237
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,382
I don't think I've seen you
around here before.
238
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:48,552
No, I just--
I had to get away, okay.
239
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,012
I just
lost my job.
240
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,472
Oh, that's weak, man.
241
00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:52,848
You know
what you need?
242
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,391
You need a good
stiff drink.
243
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,602
Oh, I-I-I don't
drink, okay?
244
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:59,855
Trust me, man,
it'll make you feel better.
245
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,107
Drinking's bad.
246
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,151
Go ahead,
drink the beer.
247
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,945
It'll calm
you down.
248
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,572
Yeah,
why the hell not?
249
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:09,990
It's just a beer.
250
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,825
Don't be such
a pussy, okay.
251
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,288
So how do you feel?
252
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,498
[belches]
253
00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:19,124
Oh, about the same.
254
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,375
Oh, you just need something
a little stronger.
255
00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:23,045
Kyle, you have
to stop them.
256
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,588
Stop who?
257
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,048
Dude, I found out
what a bris is.
258
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,132
I found out what they're
gonna do to Ike.
259
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,634
What?
260
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:29,760
They're gonna chop off
his wee-wee.
261
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,678
[dramatic musical tones]
262
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,639
Chop of his wee-wee!
Are you sure?
263
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,432
Yeah, dude,
it's a Jewish tradition.
264
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,892
It's called
a "circum-stision."
265
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,852
Dude,
that is not cool!
266
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,729
Chopping off wee-wees
is not cool!
267
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,105
That can't be true.
268
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:43,690
My parents
wouldn't do that.
269
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:45,400
Dude, I asked
five different people.
270
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,110
They said all Jewish boys
have "circum-stisions"
271
00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:48,987
and they make it into a party
called a bris.
272
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,114
Dude, you don't just chop
off somebody's fireman.
273
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,658
I won't believe it.
I won't!
274
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:54,201
I have to ask
my mom and dad!
275
00:08:55,494 --> 00:08:57,955
♪ We are young,
okay ♪
276
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,123
♪ Heartache
to heartache ♪
277
00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:02,125
♪ We stand, okay ♪
278
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:06,463
♪ No promises, no demands,
mands, mands, okay ♪
279
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:07,673
Uh...
280
00:09:07,798 --> 00:09:09,174
Is this my house?
281
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:10,801
Your key ain't
gonna work, Mackey.
282
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:12,177
I changed the locks!
283
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:13,720
Why,
Mr. Freely?
284
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,347
I'm not renting
to you anymore!
285
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,974
I heard that you got fired
from your job
286
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:18,642
for selling drugs
to children.
287
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:22,312
No, no, no, okay.
It wasn't like that.
288
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,356
Drugs are an
illegal narcotic,
289
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,024
and having
never taken drugs,
290
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,235
I can say that
they have nothing to offer.
291
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,529
But I've never
taken drugs, either.
292
00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:32,364
I've never taken drugs,
and look at me,
293
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,824
I'm totally fine.
294
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:35,367
Now, get off my property
295
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:37,160
before I lose control
and kill you!
296
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,289
Ow!
Okay?
297
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:41,623
Drug user!
298
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,375
Drug user!
Come back here!
299
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:47,921
Just
a little higher.
300
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:48,964
Mom, Dad!
301
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,173
Oh, hi,
boobala.
302
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:51,800
I'm glad
you're here.
303
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,218
You can help us
decorate for the party.
304
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,636
Your mother's
made GaHekgafuga.
305
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,763
What the hell is GaHekgafuga?
306
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:59,766
Mom, Dad, what exactly
is this party for?
307
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:03,604
To celebrate your little
brother's passage into life.
308
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,230
Meaning what?
309
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:06,773
Meaning we're going
to circumcise him.
310
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,650
They are gonna
cut off his fireman.
311
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,736
It's Jewish
tradition, booby.
312
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:12,654
Normally we do it
right after the baby is born,
313
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,698
but we had to do it later
for Ike because he's a--
314
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,658
Ahh!
315
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,496
Oh, now,
what's gotten into him?
316
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:22,956
Stan, will you go
talk to him?
317
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:27,544
[both] Let us cut off
your pee-pee, Stan.
318
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:30,005
[all scream]
319
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,466
Oy, what is the matter
with them?
320
00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:34,343
I can't believe my parents
are cannibals.
321
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:35,802
What are you
gonna do, dude?
322
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,220
I have to save
my little brother.
323
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:38,597
I have to send him away until
324
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:39,931
my parents come to their
senses.
325
00:10:40,057 --> 00:10:41,767
Come on, Ike.
- [baby chatter]
326
00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,477
Cover me
for a while.
327
00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:44,478
I'll find a place
to hide him and come back.
328
00:10:44,603 --> 00:10:46,063
No way, dude.
329
00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:47,439
We're not staying alone
in your house
330
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,066
with your wee-wee
chopping parents.
331
00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:50,817
Just give me 30 minutes.
Come on, Ike.
332
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:54,946
[sighs] I can't sleep.
It's too cold, okay.
333
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,907
- Hey, you want something
to warm you up?
334
00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:59,534
Oh, uh, I didn't know this
dark alley was taken.
335
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:02,496
Here, try this.
It'll warm you up.
336
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:03,997
Mari-ju-wana's bad.
337
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,874
What?
338
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,293
Mari-ju-wana makes you feel
depressed and low, okay.
339
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,170
And you don't feel
that way now?
340
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,296
Huh. Good point.
341
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,426
[gasps]
342
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:19,388
N--I don't
feel any diff--ooh.
343
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,848
Ooh, baby,
get down, okay.
344
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,601
Uh-huh.
- Man, this alley is cool.
345
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,229
It's so alive
and beautiful.
346
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,355
Oh, boy.
347
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,066
Come on, Ike. Hurry up.
348
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,734
[baby chatter]
349
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,569
Where's the next train going?
350
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,029
Lincoln, Nebraska.
Train leaves in five minutes.
351
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:37,531
You want to go
to Nebraska, Ike?
352
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,199
No.
353
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,367
I need one ticket
for my little brother.
354
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,868
That's a little brother?
355
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,203
I thought it was
a trash can or something.
356
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,204
What's wrong
with his head?
357
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,081
Huh?
358
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,332
I'm sorry, but we just can't
throw Caucasian babies
359
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,126
on an
outbound train.
360
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,752
But my parents are gonna
cut off his ding-dong.
361
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,295
What? Why the hell would
they do that?
362
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,922
They've just gone crazy
for a while.
363
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,382
Please, Mister, I have to hide
my brother
364
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:56,800
until they come to
their senses.
365
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,093
No can do, sonny.
- Damn it!
366
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,680
[bell dinging]
367
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,598
Ike, if you want
to keep your penis,
368
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,100
you have to
get on this train.
369
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,435
[train whistle blows]
370
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,853
Ready, Ike?
Kick the baby!
371
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,938
Don't kick the baby.
372
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,690
Good-bye, Ike,
be safe!
373
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,233
I'll come find you
in Nebraska
374
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:14,401
when Mom and Dad
are back to normal.
375
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:15,527
Bye, bye.
376
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:20,073
Oh, man,
where am I?
377
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:22,075
Hey, wow.
378
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,785
It's that counselor from the
elementary school, Mr. Mackey.
379
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,203
Wow, dude.
380
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,705
Hi, boys,
how are you today?
381
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,206
Pretty good, man.
How are you?
382
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:29,833
Oh, I've
been better.
383
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,668
I've been kicked out of town
for doing drugs.
384
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,128
Hey, us too.
385
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,796
Yeah, remember?
386
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,006
You caught us smoking weed
in the bathroom
387
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,424
and got us
suspended.
388
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,926
Oh. Oh, fortune,
how you mock me.
389
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,012
Cheer up, bro, all you need
is some clear liquid
390
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,388
to get
your head straight.
391
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,308
- Uh, boys,
LSD is bad.
392
00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:49,644
Mm.
393
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:53,356
Who put all this
cotton in my mouth?
394
00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:55,984
Yeah, baby.
395
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,445
The world
is so small.
396
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,823
I'm free.
397
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,784
I'm free.
398
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:05,368
Sweet, dude,
totally killer.
399
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:06,995
That guy's
totally tripping.
400
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,416
- There,
what do you think?
401
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:12,751
What the hell's
that supposed to be?
402
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,294
I'm making
a dummy Ike doll.
403
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:15,921
My parents think he's out
with me right now
404
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,839
and I have to
bring him back for dinner.
405
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,674
Dude, I think your mom's
gonna notice that isn't Ike.
406
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,635
Not if I say he's sick
and put him to bed right away.
407
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,386
No, go away.
bad bog.
408
00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:25,138
Dude, what did you make
that doll out of?
409
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:26,598
I used a bunch of bones
from the butcher shop.
410
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,725
Is that why it
stinks so bad?
411
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,811
Hi, boys.
412
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,395
[all together]
Hi, Mr. Mackey.
413
00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:34,523
Are you boys
staying out of trouble?
414
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,233
[together]
Yes!
415
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,694
Okay, I'm just gonna go
over here for a while.
416
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,488
Anyways, I need
you guys to help me
417
00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,824
so that my parents
don't realize Ike is gone.
418
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,742
Knock it off,
asshole!
419
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,536
No way! I'm never going back
to your parent's house.
420
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:48,537
Come on, dude, if it were
your little brother,
421
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:49,621
we'd help you.
422
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,498
[grunts]
423
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:52,916
Wait a minute,
no, you wouldn't!
424
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,293
[train whistle toots]
425
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,421
Ouch.
Ow.
426
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,299
Would you look
at that, honey?
427
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:04,427
Somebody dropped off
a perfectly good trash can.
428
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:05,804
Yeah.
429
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:07,305
[baby chatter]
430
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,016
Booby, where have
you been?
431
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:11,768
Dinner's been ready
for five minutes.
432
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,436
- Sorry, Mom, I just
had to deal with Ike.
433
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,855
He's been cranky.
434
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,731
How is my
little jelly bean?
435
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,567
[fake baby chatter]
436
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,193
I'm gonna take him up to
the bathroom to get washed up.
437
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,153
Okay, but first let Mommy
give you a kiss.
438
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:25,115
No, Mom, he doesn't
want you kissing him.
439
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,200
[shrieks]
440
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:28,618
Oh, my God,
make him stop!
441
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:29,870
Put it down,
you stupid dog!
442
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:32,247
My baby.
Oh, God!
443
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,332
Get out of here, you mutt,
let him go!
444
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:38,128
Oh, my baby!
Boobala...
445
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,546
[screams]
446
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,715
Baby!
- Huh?
447
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,009
[tires squealing,
screaming]
448
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,260
[explosion]
449
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,804
Oh, he's dead.
He's dead.
450
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,140
My little
boobala's dead.
451
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:53,310
here, there, Sheila.
There's nothing we can do.
452
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:54,936
[crying]
453
00:14:58,356 --> 00:14:59,733
"Yea, usher us
unto the Lord,"
454
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:01,359
sayeth some
Jewish guy once.
455
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:04,029
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
456
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:07,032
["Hava Nagila" on bagpipes]
457
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:10,619
♪♪
458
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,495
Hey,
wait a minute.
459
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,331
How come Ike's tombstone
has a Canadian flag on it?
460
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,333
Well, booby, there's
something you have to know.
461
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,960
Ike wasn't really your brother.
He was adopted.
462
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,462
What?
463
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:21,463
He was not really
a Broflovski.
464
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,881
He was Canadian.
465
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,007
But we loved him
all the same.
466
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:25,634
[cries]
467
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,344
You mean to tell me
that all this time
468
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:28,386
I've been trying to
protect Ike from having
469
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:29,721
his fireman cut off,
470
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,097
and he's not even
my real brother?
471
00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:32,724
What are you
talking about?
472
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,310
Dude, Ike isn't dead.
He's in Nebraska.
473
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,978
What, what, what?
474
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,772
Dude, you shouldn't have
told them that.
475
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,273
Now they're gonna find him
and cut off his penis.
476
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:41,733
"Fireman."
- Oh, who the hell cares?
477
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:42,734
He's not even
my responsibility.
478
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,487
[yelps]
479
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,656
Oh, my God.
They've killed Kenny!
480
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:49,574
You bastards.
481
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:52,118
Yea, let us ponder
the Lord's mercies.
482
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,745
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
483
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,413
[plays "Hava Nagila
on bagpipes"]
484
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:02,796
Get out of the way,
you damn hippie.
485
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:03,922
- I don't need to take your
right wing,
486
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,423
authoritative bullshit.
487
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,008
What?
488
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,927
You're just like
the government, man,
489
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:11,680
trying to prosecute out
one side of your mouth, okay.
490
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:14,849
While supporting guns
out of the other, okay.
491
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:17,560
Eh, why don't you go to
a Grateful Dead concert?
492
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:21,272
I can't, man.
Jer-bear's dead, okay.
493
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:24,359
Hey, man,
I overheard what you said.
494
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:25,777
That was cool.
495
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,821
What?
Oh, thanks, man.
496
00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:31,199
Would you like to come over
to my place and finger paint?
497
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,450
Sure, man.
498
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:35,745
Finger painting's cool, okay.
499
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,669
Now, where did you
leave him, young man?
500
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,462
How the hell
should I know?
501
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,631
Gerald, do something about
your smart-ass son.
502
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,551
Uh, mind your mother,
smart-ass.
503
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,136
If we don't find him,
so help me,
504
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:53,221
you're gonna be
grounded for a month!
505
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,598
All this time, "look out
for your little brother, Kyle,"
506
00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:57,225
"Take care of your
little brother, Kyle,"
507
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,727
and he wasn't even
really my little brother!
508
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,228
Kyle, just because
Ike is adopted
509
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,813
doesn't make him
any less your brother.
510
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,398
Yeah, right.
511
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,066
Excuse me.
512
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,027
We're looking for
a two-year-old Canadian boy.
513
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:09,237
Two-year-old Canadian boy,
two-year-old Canadian boy...
514
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,781
Oh, I think they might have
one of those down at Hap's Bar.
515
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,074
Come on!
516
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,000
Ike!
517
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,501
[baby chatter]
518
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,336
Hey, lady,
that's my table post!
519
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:26,671
You can't have that!
520
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:31,468
Wow, man.
521
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,261
You know, it's like,
522
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,888
you go through life thinking
523
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:36,723
that you're an individual,
okay.
524
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:38,933
Then you realize that
you're more than that, okay?
525
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:42,020
We're all just one big
individual, okay?
526
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:46,608
Let's get married and
have a honeymoon in India.
527
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,402
Okay.
528
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:53,782
- Now, you march to your room
529
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,784
and you think about
what you've done!
530
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:57,744
But first apologize
to your brother.
531
00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,079
He's not my brother!
532
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,413
Apologize to him!
533
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,664
I'm sorry, Ike.
534
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:02,832
[baby chatter]
535
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:11,257
Wow, this is so beautiful.
536
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:13,134
I am one with the animals
537
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,552
and the trees.
538
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,679
And I am one with you.
539
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:20,016
♪ At long last
I have found ♪
540
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,977
♪ A true reason
to be ♪
541
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:25,980
♪ Now I feel
I can start anew-- ♪
542
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,232
Oh! Oh!
543
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:29,609
Ow, hey!
[grunts]
544
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,944
Whoa.
545
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,238
[grunts] Okay.
546
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:34,614
What the hell's
going on?
547
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:35,990
Tough love, Mr. Mackey.
548
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,408
We're taking you
to rehab.
549
00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:38,910
I don't want to
go to rehab.
550
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,745
I haven't even
done drugs in weeks.
551
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,455
We were wrong for
shunning you, Mr. Mackey,
552
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,165
and we apologize.
553
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,084
We should've realized
that you needed help.
554
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,086
Yeah, now we'll make sure
you get the help you need.
555
00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:49,629
I don't want help!
556
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,297
You'll thank us later.
557
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,426
Hello, Tom.
Hello, Patty.
558
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,053
Thanks for coming
to Ike's bris.
559
00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:59,389
Look, Ike,
it's your Uncle Murray.
560
00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:00,765
Hello, Ike.
561
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,559
Say, where's little Kyle?
562
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,602
He's been sent to his room
for being a bastard.
563
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:07,021
He's decided that Ike isn't
his brother since he's adopted.
564
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,566
Hi, there.
- Hello, do I know you?
565
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,151
Oh, no,
but I never miss a bris.
566
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:12,360
Here, I brought
some dip.
567
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,195
Oh, thanks.
568
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,030
Well, I guess the chopping
is about to commence.
569
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:17,407
[baby chatter]]
570
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:18,825
What do you want?
571
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:22,078
[baby chatter]
572
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,999
Oh, no, you don't.
573
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,667
That isn't gonna
work on me, Canadian.
574
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:29,460
Maybe you're being
too hard on him, dude.
575
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:30,587
No way, there's no
real connection between us.
576
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:31,671
It was all a big lie.
577
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:33,006
Cookie Monster.
578
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:35,258
Two, three,
four, five...
579
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:36,885
Go on, Canadian,
beat it!
580
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,136
I'm through getting
in trouble for you!
581
00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:40,430
[baby chatter]
582
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:43,683
You have to admit
you have a problem
583
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,310
before anybody
can help you.
584
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,729
But I don't think
I really have a problem.
585
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,439
Nonsense,
you did drugs.
586
00:19:49,564 --> 00:19:51,024
I suppose you forgot
all about your family?
587
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,692
I don't really
have a family.
588
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,152
And you
lost your job.
589
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,778
No, I lost my job
before that.
590
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,739
Mr. Mackey, you're
supposed to be an adult.
591
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:58,948
The problem with drugs is that
people forget
592
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,867
to stop doing
them.
593
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,243
There's a time and a place
for everything, Mr. Mackey,
594
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:03,828
and it's called
"college."
595
00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:05,914
Now I want you
to repeat after me:
596
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,082
drugs are bad.
597
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,001
Drugs are bad.
598
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:12,962
Drugs are bad.
599
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:15,089
Drugs are bad.
600
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,509
Hello, Dr. Schwartz.
601
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,011
Thank you so much
for coming all this way
602
00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:21,679
to perform Ike's bris.
603
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:23,223
Oh, my pleasure, Sheila.
604
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:24,933
I brought the normal
cutting device,
605
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,143
but then I remembered
that Ike was Canadian,
606
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,686
so I brought
the right one.
607
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,188
Where is the little rug-rat?
608
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,565
Right over here.
609
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:33,775
Come here, you.
610
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,485
Ow!
611
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:37,111
[baby chatter]
612
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:41,699
Ike!
613
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,243
Ike!
614
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:46,829
[baby chatter]
615
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,377
There you are.
Come on, Ike, it's time.
616
00:20:54,212 --> 00:20:56,130
You stay away
from my little brother!
617
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,715
But son, I just--
618
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,175
You aren't gonna
cut off his wee-wee!
619
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,718
Not today,
you sick-ass weirdo!
620
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,345
Kyle, what are you
talking about?
621
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,597
And you! You should be
ashamed of yourself.
622
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,266
Don't you understand
that us males
623
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:07,892
are defined
by our firemen?
624
00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:10,520
Yes, the fireman
is very magical.
625
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:13,022
If you rub his helmet,
he spits in your eye.
626
00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:16,192
Kyle, a circumcision
627
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,528
is a very common thing
for Ike to have.
628
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:20,863
His father had it,
his grandfather had it,
629
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:23,658
and his brother had it.
630
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:24,993
No!
631
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:26,452
No, it isn't true!
632
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:28,079
We're not going to
cut it off.
633
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:29,914
We're just gonna snip it
so that it looks bigger.
634
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,501
Oh, hey, that doesn't
sound like a bad idea.
635
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,545
Yeah, I want to get
a "circum-stision" too.
636
00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:39,674
Congratulations,
Mr. Mackey.
637
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,467
You are fully recovered.
638
00:21:41,592 --> 00:21:43,469
I can't thank you enough
for everything, okay.
639
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,555
I feel like
my old self again.
640
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,391
Just one
more thing...
641
00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:50,935
Remember that
you can stay sober.
642
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:52,937
I will,
Miss Social Worker.
643
00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:55,315
I will, okay.
644
00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:57,567
It's okay, Ike,
I'm here.
645
00:21:57,692 --> 00:22:00,236
And a one and a two
and a...
646
00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:01,404
Bris!
647
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,449
Ouch.
[baby chatter]
648
00:22:04,574 --> 00:22:05,783
Cookie Monster.
649
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:07,702
Ike, you're okay.
650
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,620
Wow, dude, I guess having
a bris isn't all that bad.
651
00:22:09,746 --> 00:22:11,289
Yeah, you know,
I've learned something today.
652
00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:12,707
Family isn't
about whose blood you have.
653
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:13,833
It's about
who you care about.
654
00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:15,293
Yeah.
655
00:22:15,418 --> 00:22:17,045
And that's why I feel you
guys
656
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:18,087
are more than just
friends; you're my family.
657
00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:19,505
Except for Cartman.
658
00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:21,466
Naturally.
- Screw you, guys!
659
00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:22,675
I don't want to be in your
penis chopping family anyway!
660
00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:26,929
And so now, children,
661
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:28,723
your school counselor
is back
662
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:31,351
to tell you firsthand
about his nasty experience
663
00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:33,644
with drugs and alcohol.
664
00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:36,981
Okay, kids,
you shouldn't do drugs, okay.
665
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:38,691
Drugs are bad.
666
00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:40,360
You see, I was at
the bottom of the barrel.
667
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:41,861
I was a wreck.
668
00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:43,488
Well, I didn't even
care about money.
669
00:22:43,613 --> 00:22:45,615
I was--I was wasting
my life...
670
00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:47,617
Hey, you guys want to come
to my bris tomorrow?
671
00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:48,910
You can't have
your bris tomorrow, Cartman.
672
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:50,495
That's when
I'm having mine.
673
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,163
No way, I set up
mine first, hippie!
674
00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:54,207
Now, boys, you need
to listen up, okay.
675
00:22:54,332 --> 00:22:57,251
What I'm talking about might
save your life someday, okay.
676
00:22:57,377 --> 00:22:59,212
[as Mackey]
Okay, Mr. Mackey, okay.
677
00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:00,671
Okay.
- [as Mackey] Okay.
678
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:02,256
Okay.
- [as Mackey] Okay.
679
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:03,800
Okay.
680
00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:06,302
Now, as I was saying,
drugs are bad.
681
00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:07,845
You shouldn't
do drugs.
682
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:10,431
If you do them, you're bad.
683
00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:12,517
Because drugs are bad, okay.
684
00:23:12,642 --> 00:23:14,310
It's a bad thing
to do, drugs,
685
00:23:14,435 --> 00:23:16,687
so don't be bad
by doing drugs, okay.
686
00:23:16,813 --> 00:23:18,272
That'd be bad.
687
00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:20,608
Drugs are bad, okay.
688
00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:23,611
[funky music]
689
00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:30,743
♪♪