- The following program is brought to you
in Spooky Vision-- be warned:
all scenes will be accompanied by pictures
of Barbra Streisand.
[screams]
[twangy music]
[bloodcurdling scream]
♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
[singing indistinctly]
♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
[ship rumbling]
[spooky music]
♪♪
[ship humming]
[hatch whooshes]
[alien shrieking]
[guts squish] [engine hisses]
I wonder why Cartman wasn't in school today.
He probably just ditched to avoid that spelling test.
Hey, guys, how's it going?
[laughter] Oh, nice costume, dude.
Who are you supposed to be, Luke Perry?
Cartman, how come you weren't at school today?
Did you eat too many pork rinds last night?
You guys. You're so funny.
No matter how I'm feeling, I can always count
on you guys to lighten me up.
What?
I had to stay home today
because my mother wasn't feeling well.
She has the flu, and I wanted to take care
of the house so she could stay in bed.
I just wanted to catch you guys to see if we were assigned
any homework tonight.
[spooky music]
What the hell are you talking about, Cartman?
Stop screwing around, dude-- we're all gonna go meet
at the store later to buy pumpkins to carve.
Oh, then we can enter the carving contest!
I'll run home and get money from Mother.
Do you guys need some, too?
♪♪
Dude, this is creepy.
Stanley, look who's here. Aunt Flo.
Hello, Stanley. Remember me?
Hi, Aunt Flo.
Now, Stanley, Aunt Flo only visits
once a month-- be nice.
Say, Stanley, I brought you and Shelly presents.
Wow, really? Hey, I love Aunt Flo!
Okay, Shelly.
This one's for you.
[grunting]
It's a television- CD player-
surround sound home theater.
Wow! - What do you say, Shelly?
Thank you, Aunt Flo.
Okay, Stanley. Your turn.
Your very own fish.
What do you say, Stanley?
I don't know.
I think he likes you. Come on, Shelly.
Let's hook up your home theater.
Okay...
How do you like your fish, Stanley?
I don't like it. It's spooky.
Oh, now, what's spooky
about a cute little goldfish?
Go put him in your room.
- Do I have to? Yes, you do!
- Damn it! Language!
Where have you been, dude?
Dude, my mom's having her monthly visitor.
Aunt Flo?
Yeah, and every time she shows up,
my mom turns into a total bitch.
Where's Cartman?
He said he was gonna bring money for us to buy a pumpkin.
Yeah, I wonder why he's being so nice.
Here he comes. - Hey, Cartman.
Did you bring us money from your mom?
Yeah, right. You guys can kiss my black ass.
You said you could get us money, Cartman.
Man, you guys are hella stupid.
If I had money, I wouldn't give it to you assholes.
Well, at least he's back to normal.
Yeah, but we can't get a pumpkin,
so we can't enter the carving contest.
It's okay, Kenny said he'd get one.
Oh, how's Kenny gonna get one?
He's hella poor.
Why do you keep saying "hella," fat-ass?
'Cause I'm hella cool, that's why.
That's not cool!
You guys are just hella jealous.
♪♪
- Good night, Stanley.
We'll see you in the morning.
Can you leave the light on, Dad?
Well, it has to be off, or your Aunt Flo will complain
about wasting electricity.
I wish Aunt Flo didn't have to visit now.
Yeah, me too, but she only visits your mom
for five days or so.
I'll be out sleeping on the couch.
[spooky music]
♪♪
[gasps]
♪♪
Where'd he go?
♪♪
[sighs]
♪♪
[thunder crackles]
[indistinct] Kenny!
You share that blanket with your brother!
[knock on door] - Who the hell could that be?
Hi, there, folks.
This is a heck of a storm out now.
Thought maybe you could use some provisions.
There's some candles and food in there.
It ain't much, but it should get you through the night.
Take care, folks, I've got other houses to get to.
Kenny, wasn't that your fat, racist,
foul-mouthed friend, Eric Cartman?
Uh-huh.
Hey, where did the shirt go?
I covered you with a shirt. Where did it go?
[whimpers]
♪♪
I'm not gonna look.
It's not closer.
I'm just seeing things.
Ah!
[screams]
Mom! Mom!
Stanley, settle down! - Look!
He's gonna kill me, Mom!
Is there a problem?
No problem, Aunt Flo.
Do you not like your goldfish?
No! - I'm sorry, I'm a bad aunt.
There, there, Aunt Flo. Stanley loves his goldfish.
♪♪
[screams]
Stanley! What are you doing?
The fish! But--
Stanley, I'm in no mood for this,
not when your Aunt Flo is in town.
Oh, look, you woke your sister up!
Go to sleep, Stanley!
[wind howling]
Ah! Mom!
All right, Stanley, I have had enough...
Oh, Stanley. What have you done, baby?
What have you done?
Mom, I was just sleeping, and the next thing I knew--
Shh. It's okay, honey. It's okay.
I've got such a good boy.
Mommy's little angel.
Now, don't worry, Stanley.
Mommy's going to hide the body.
Nobody's going to take my baby away.
I've got such a handsome boy.
Such a good boy.
You're not gonna get away with this.
[thunder crackles]
♪♪
[Sharon grunting]
Sharon! - Ah!
Aunt Flo, what are you doing up?
Look at you with your little shovel.
Just like when you were 12.
Mom, what are you doing?
Shh. It's going to be okay, Stanley.
Mom, you think I killed that guy?
It was the fish.
He says I'm next.
You get some sleep, baby.
Mommy's taken care of everything.
But Mom! - Shh.
♪ Hush, little baby, don't say a word ♪
♪ Mommy's gonna buy you a mockingbird ♪
♪ If that mockingbird don't sing ♪
♪ Momma's gonna bury it in the backyard ♪
[rooster cries]
[clock farts]
Mom! - What is it, honey?
[gasps] My baby's killed again!
No, Mom! - What are we gonna do, baby?
What are we gonna do?
I've got such a handsome boy.
Such a good boy.
[Sharon grunting]
It's about time, Kenny. Did you bring the pumpkin?
Uh-huh. - Well, where is it?
What the hell is that?
[indistinct] - It's all you could afford?
Whoever heard of a squash allowance, Kenny?
That's hella stupid.
Stop saying "hella," Cartman.
How are we gonna win the contest with a squash?
Whoa, Stan, you don't look so good.
I haven't been sleeping so well.
[sighs] God, I hate you, Kenny.
I have to get another knife. This one's hella dull.
God, will you shut up?
Kyle, you know how some people
are, like, murderers and stuff? - Yeah?
Do you think animals can be murderers too?
I don't know.
Oh, great, he's got that stupid beard on again.
No, Kenny, you should cut with the blade
facing away from you, you're gonna hurt yourself.
There you go.
Isn't this fun, you guys?
Carving pumpkins for Halloween?
♪ You guys are my best friends ♪
♪ Through thick and thin, we've always been together ♪
♪ We're four of a kind, havin' fun all day ♪
♪ Pallin' around and laughin' away ♪
♪ Just best friends ♪
♪ Best friends are we ♪
I love you guys.
You seem tired, Stan.
I haven't been sleeping well. - Why?
My pet goldfish killed
another random person last night.
Oh, that sucks, dude. - Hey, dudes.
Man, it's hella cold out here. - Cartman?
Who'd you expect, Maury Povich?
God, you're hella lame. - What are you doing?
What do you mean, what am I doing?
I'm just standing here. Jesus, mellow out, you guys.
You can't be standing there, Cartman.
Why the hell not?
- Because you're standing over there!
Ah! Son of a bitch!
Wow, you don't see this every day.
I can't believe what I'm seeing.
It's like I'm looking at a mirror.
Dude, this is hella weird.
[humming] [doorbell dings]
Oh, Officer Barbrady, wh-what a surprise.
What can I do for you?
Well, there's been a report of a few missing people.
Is that so? - Yeah, no biggie.
But I was wondering if you'd seen any of 'em.
- I've never seen any of those men, Officer Barbrady.
- No, I didn't think so.
Mind if I look around the backyard, though?
♪♪
- Why would you want to do that?
- Well, I'm checking everyone's backyards.
Missing people usually turn up hiding in someone's bushes.
May I?
♪♪
[dog gruffing]
Well, this all looks in or--
[pan clunks] Tennis, anyone?
[bloodcurdling scream]
Nobody's going to take my baby away from me.
Nobody!
Okay, Ms. Marsh,
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you a few questions.
♪♪
Hello there, children. all: Hey, Chef.
- All ready for a Halloween lunch?
Today I've got spooky spaghetti.
With freaky French fries.
Uh, Chef? - Or haunted hash browns.
Chef-- - And a creepy cookie.
And monstrous milk.
Chef-- - And a terrifying napkin!
Chef! - What?
- We have problems. - What's the first problem?
- Chef, I have a goldfish that keeps killing people.
- Oh. Well, uh, don't worry, Stan.
I'm sure it'll work out. Now, what's the other problem?
- Oh, no.
Oh, dear God, no!
And then I showed up to the bus stop,
and this son of a bitch is standing there!
I'm sorry. I've caused so much trouble.
This is all very strange to me, too.
Exactly what do you remember?
Well, I was just standing around,
and Stan and Kyle were being really mean as usual,
and Kenny had just bought a new car.
Of course. That's it! - What?
Don't you see, children?
This Cartman is from an evil parallel universe
where everything exists as its opposite.
He's my evil twin?
But he doesn't even look that much like me.
He's all fat and stuff. He's hella lying.
Will you stop saying that word?!
Of course! My pet goldfish must be
from the evil opposite universe, too.
Children, somewhere in South Park,
something has created a door to the evil parallel universe.
This is amazing.
I can't believe how nice you are, Chef.
How do you mean?
In my world, you're a skinny,
white insurance salesman.
Oh! Hello, boys.
I'm Stan's Aunt Flo.
Whoa! What's wrong with your head?
Why are you shaking like that?
Dude, that's not cool, she's got Parkinson's disease.
Oh, sweet.
[vibrating] Check it out, you guys.
You don't even have to put a quarter in her.
Cartman! - Ooh, this is hella cool.
Aunt Flo, where did you get this goldfish?
Oh, I got it from the pet store, Stanley.
Do you remember what pet store?
Let's see, I believe it was called
the Indian Burial Ground Pet Store.
Just outside of town. - Where?
I know I have the address written down somewhere.
Let me look. - That's it, dude.
We gotta take the spooky fish back to that pet store.
Who's we? You got a turd in your pocket?
I'm going home, I'm hella hungry.
I'll help you, Stan.
Shut your goddamn mouth, fat ass!
Dude, are you sure that fish is a murderer?
It seemed like a normal fish to me.
Just help me take it back. Come on.
Did you find the address, Aunt Flo?
Aunt Flo! - Oh, Stanley, no!
Not Aunt Flo! - It was the fish!
Oh, what a good baby.
What a good son I have.
Now we'll never know where that pet store is.
There can't be that many pet stores in South Park, dude.
Aunt Flo isn't from South Park.
The pet store could be anywhere between here and Denver.
Well, we better get working.
Cartmans, you go home and call all the pet stores
in the phone book.
Can do! - Screw you!
It's all taken care of, Stanley... oh!
I've got such a good boy.
Such a handsome boy!
Come on, we're running out of time.
Hey, why is the basement door locked?
♪ Cracked corn and I don't care ♪
♪ Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care! ♪
♪ My master's gone away ♪
♪ Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care ♪
don't see any pet stores called Indian Burial Ground.
Shut up, dude, I'm trying to watch TV!
And now back to the Terrance and Phillip Halloween Special!
[farts]
That fart was absolutely ghoulish, Terrance!
[both laugh]
[laughs] Man, that's hella funny!
What's so funny about that?
No, Kitty, this is my pot pie!
[Kitty meows] No, Kitty, that's a bad kitty!
[singsongy] Who's my kitty?
Who's my Mr. Kitty?
My fluffy ol' pal?
Yes, that's a guy-- that's my Mr. Kitty.
No, Kitty! Bad kitty!
[laughs] You suck, dude.
♪♪
Stanley, Kenny's mother is here.
She's wondering if you've seen Kenny.
You saw him, didn't you?
You saw my boy.
Yeah, my goldfish-- - Yeah!
Stan just got a new goldfish,
and he wanted to show it to Kenny,
but Kenny never came over.
My Kenny used to laugh and play.
He was eight years old, just like you, my Kenny was.
I know. - You gotta tell me.
What happened to him?
You have to know something!
Mrs. McCormick, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
You've been drinking.
That's right, I'm a little drunk.
You'd be drunk, too, if you lost your boy.
My Kenny used to sing and dance!
You guys, I found the pet store!
Come on, let's go!
Mom, I know you think I did all this,
but I'm gonna prove to you it was this fucking fish.
I believe you, sweetheart.
Run from him, boys. Run and don't stop.
Can I help you boys? - I want to return a fish.
Damn it! - What?
That's the ninth return I've had this week.
What's wrong with it? Oh, let me guess.
It killed a bunch of people, right?
Yeah, dude! - Damn it!
It's just like all the other returns.
[animals snarling demonically]
Dude, why is your store called
the Indian Burial Ground Pet Store?
Well, there was an Indian
burial ground here before I bought it.
So you just built your store on top of Indian burial ground?
Oh, hell no!
First I dug up all the bodies, pissed on 'em,
and then buried them again upside-down.
Why? - Why?
I don't know. I was drunk.
We think that when you did that,
you opened up a doorway to an evil parallel universe.
Well, that certainly would explain a lot.
Like what? - Well, like this.
[vortex howling]
I've been wondering what the hell this was!
Hello, Mr. Marsh.
Top of the evening to you.
Okay, bye, then.
Sharon? - Yes, hon?
There's a policeman being held prisoner in our basement.
Yes, hon, I had to restrain him
so he wouldn't find the bodies in the backyard
and take our baby away.
Why'd you take his pants off?
Sh-Sharon?
Why'd you take his pants off?
Oh, Randy, I just don't know what to do anymore.
What is it? - I just...
I can't believe that Aunt Flo is gone,
that she won't be visiting me ever again.
Oh, well, don't think of it as an end,
think of it as a new beginning.
Now, could you fill me in on the dead bodies
and captive policeman stuff real quick?
[spooky music]
Look, pal, this is very simple.
All I want to do is return this fish.
I can't give you your money back.
I don't care, dude, I just want this fish away from me!
No, I won't take it back. - Listen, friend.
You can't sell people pets like this.
You have to have a sign that says,
"Warning: these fish are from an evil parallel universe."
Now, it's not our fault you disrespected the bodies
of this land's native people,
but by golly, you're gonna take this fish back.
All right, you win.
Wow, thanks, Evil Cartman!
And sir, can I make a suggestion?
Move your store,
and let these great people of the Wampanoag
rest in peace.
You kick ass, Evil Cartman! - Yeah!
You know what I like best about you?
You don't say "hella" like our Cartman does.
I swear, if he says that one more time, I'm gonna kill him.
Now, Kyle, murder is never an answer.
What the...
- He was here. Cartman was just here.
Who are you? - We're looking for Cartman.
The trail ended here.
Where is he? - I don't know who you mean.
Maybe this will jog your memory!
No, stop! You don't know what you're doing!
Those pets are evil!
[futuristic whooshing]
I'm sure glad that's over with.
Now I can sleep at night.
Hey, you guys, we still have time to enter
the pumpkin carving contest.
Hey, yeah! I almost forgot.
Come on! I bet that, together,
we can make the best pumpkin ever!
You know, Evil Cartman, I like you
a lot better than our Cartman.
Yeah, you're cool, and you don't say "hella."
Oh, thanks, you guys.
I certainly like you a lot more
than in my evil parallel universe.
Ah! Ah!
So where are we gonna find a pumpkin to carve?
Let's use Kenny's squash.
Yeah, you know, I never thought
it was such a bad little squash.
It just needs some tender loving care.
[spooky music]
Boo! - Ah!
Oh, man, this movie is hella scary.
Aha! There you are, Cartman.
Nice costume, you guys.
You spend about a buck fifty on those?
We're here to take you back, Goody-Two-shoes.
Oh? I've got a better idea.
Why don't you two go fuck yourselves?
Hey, what's wrong with you, Cartman?
What's wrong with me? Let's see.
Um, I hate you guys.
You're hella stupid.
Come on, Mr. Wholesome.
We're taking you back to our universe.
Don't touch me!
What the hell's going on?
Cartman never hits us.
All right, just stand there, Cartman.
This gengratication gun will send you back to our universe.
Oh, wait, you guys are from the evil parallel universe?
Oh, it's about friggin' time you showed up.
You don't want me. You want that impostor Cartman.
Come on, I'll show you.
- And the winner is...
Squash-O'-Lantern!
By Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski,
and the evil Eric Cartman from a parallel universe!
We won, dude! - Hooray!
You boys win the Halloween chocolate ball!
Oh, no!
Stan and Kyle have come to take me back my world!
I don't want to go back!
Don't worry, Evil Cartman.
You're staying with us.
Now, zap his hella ass back to your... hella universe!
Stop saying "hella," Cartman!
Thought you could get away from us, huh, Cartman?
Please! - Leave him alone, butthole.
Shut your trap, kid!
Why don't you guys take our Cartman back?
He's more like you anyways.
Hey, you backstabbing sellout!
It's time, Cartman.
Prepare for gengratication.
[gun whirring]
Well, goodbye, you guys.
It's been fun.
[all screaming]
Oh, what now?
- It's the evil pets!
[all screaming]
The gengratication gun!
Get to the stage!
♪♪
[man groaning]
Oh, dear... it really was Stan's fish
that killed those people.
Give me that gun, kid.
Up yours, evil twin!
No...
Ah...
All right, now you just gotta send this bozo through,
and the whole mess will be over with.
Sorry, Cartman. We like Evil Cartman better.
See ya. - What?!
- We can't deal with you saying "hella" anymore, Cartman!
You're going to the other universe.
[yells] - Hey!
Which one is the good Cartman?
[both] I am!
Stop wasting time, Cartman-- we have to send
one of you back to the evil universe.
Yeah, now, which one of you is the Cartman we can't stand?
both: He is!
Time is running out. You'll have to destroy us both.
What?!
It's the only way you can be sure.
We have to both go for the good of the world.
No! Screw you guys!
How did you guys know?
Our Cartman would never say anything like that.
[laughs] You guys are hella stupid!
I knew you would fall for that.
Oh, no, dude! - You tricked us, Cartman!
That's right, I did!
♪ You guys are hella stupid ♪
♪ You guys are hella lame ♪
♪ You guys are hella dumb ♪
♪ Hella, hella, hella ♪
Damn it!
I'm sorry my wife held you captive, Officer.
She's been upset 'cause her Aunt Flo
isn't gonna visit her anymore.
Oh, I understand.
I remember when my wife stopped getting her monthly visitor.
Uh, do you want your pants back?
No. Just leave me with my dignity.
Okay, people, move along, nothing to see here!
♪ You guys are my best friends ♪
♪ Through thick and thin, we've always been together ♪
♪ We're four of a kind, havin' fun all day ♪
♪ Pallin' around and laughin' away ♪
♪ Just best friends ♪
♪ Best friends are we ♪
I love you guys.