1
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,514
♪ I'm going down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,224
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,351
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:20,229
♪ Going down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,856
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:24,150
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor" ♪
7
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,569
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:30,448
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:33,701
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:37,204
Ready? 1, 2, 3, 4.
11
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,331
[fife and drum play]
12
00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:44,045
Yeah, yeah!
Do you like to rock?!
13
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:45,588
Yeah, I like to rock!
14
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:46,964
Hello, Baltimore!
15
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,299
Cartman, what the hell
are you doing?
16
00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,467
I'm playing the drum.
17
00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:50,676
Well, you have
to hit it softer!
18
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,303
You can't just hit
a drum.
19
00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:53,888
You have to beat
the shit out of it.
20
00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:55,848
Shut your pie hole,
or I'll kick your ass,
21
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:57,141
you fucking drum!
22
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,225
That's how
you rock, dude.
23
00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,477
You're not supposed
to rock.
24
00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:00,895
You're just supposed
to keep the beat.
25
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:02,980
I am keeping the beat.
Your flute playing sucks!
26
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,065
That's it, Cartman.
You can't be the drummer.
27
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:05,733
Hey, I'll get it!
28
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,026
Dude, the Civil War
reenactment is tomorrow.
29
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:08,944
You're not going to get it by tomorrow.
- Yes, I will!
30
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,572
Alright, alright. Let's just try again.
1, 2, 3, 4.
31
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,741
[fife and drum play]
32
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,163
Yo! Does Cleveland
like to rock?!
33
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,539
Yo! God damn it!
Aah!
34
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,166
What?
35
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,834
Give me the drum
and you play the flute.
36
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,170
No way! Flutes are totally gay.
- Mrph phm rmh?
37
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,005
Cartman, I'm the leader of the
reenactment fife-and-drum squad,
38
00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:29,381
and I say
you play the flute.
39
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:30,633
Oh, well,
you know what I say?
40
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,470
Screw you guys.
I'm going home.
41
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,305
You dick!
- Later.
42
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:40,017
[indistinct conversations]
43
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,936
Jimbo:
Alrighty, everyone.
44
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:43,521
We just have
a few things to go over
45
00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:45,856
before we head out
to the reenactment battlefield.
46
00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,274
First of all,
I have great news--
47
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,443
there are over 200 folks
from around the state
48
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,237
that have come to see
this year's reenactment,
49
00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:52,696
and that's
the best turnout ever!
50
00:01:52,822 --> 00:01:54,865
[cheering]
51
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:56,575
Where the hell is Cartman?
If he misses the orientation,
52
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,868
they're not gonna let him
in the reenactment.
53
00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,954
He'll show.
- He better!
54
00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,915
I'm also very proud to announce
that this year's alcohol sponsor
55
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,084
is Jagerminz
S'more-Flavored Schnapps,
56
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:08,003
the schnapps with
the delightful taste of S'mores.
57
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:09,463
[all]
Mmmm!
58
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,298
Hey, it does
taste like S'mores!
59
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,884
[coughs]
Yeah and it's got quite a kick, too!
60
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,970
And now to clarify how
the reenactment should unfold,
61
00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,888
let's bring up
our master historian,
62
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:20,474
Grandpa Marvin Marsh!
63
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:23,811
The only man old enough to have
actually seen the Civil War...
64
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,813
Reenactment of 1924.
65
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:27,106
Wow, dude! Your grandpa
still isn't dead?
66
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,316
Dude, that's not cool.
67
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,443
Good morning, gentlemen.
- Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
68
00:02:31,569 --> 00:02:33,404
Yeah, you're dressed up
like the South.
69
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,406
Yes, this year I've decided
to fight for the glorious South.
70
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,158
Screw you guys...home.
71
00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:39,827
And may I say that we're going
to whup your ass this time?
72
00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:41,453
You can't just come
to a Civil War reenactment
73
00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:43,080
dressed up like
General Lee, fat ass.
74
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,540
Oh, really?
I'm pretty sure I just did.
75
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,250
Okay, you all know
the rules.
76
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,502
You must fire
your blanks into the air,
77
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,254
and if someone says
they killed you,
78
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,881
you gotta play dead.
79
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,132
The South loses
this battle, Cartman.
80
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,550
They lose the war.
81
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,509
Nuh-uh.
The South is gonna win.
82
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:56,510
No, they're not,
stupid.
83
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:57,636
Yes, we are!
84
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:58,637
How much you want to bet?
85
00:02:58,762 --> 00:02:59,722
Now, remember, everybody,
86
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,432
for a good reenactment,
87
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,100
we've got to pretend
down to the last detail
88
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,727
that we're really
in the Civil War.
89
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,187
So, when the North wins,
90
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:07,855
all of us
on the Confederate side
91
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,815
should act
all bummed and depressed...
92
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,775
How much you want to bet
the South doesn't win?
93
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,068
Well, this war's
about slavery,
94
00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,029
so how about
if the South wins,
95
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:16,864
you two assholes have to be
my slaves for a month?
96
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:18,490
And if the North wins,
you're our slave for a month?
97
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,284
Right!
- You're on!
98
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:21,452
Then I shall bid you
good morning, gentlemen,
99
00:03:21,577 --> 00:03:22,703
and see you
on the battlefield.
100
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,955
What a dumbass!
101
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,248
Yeah, he doesn't even
know that the South
102
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,958
loses the Civil War.
103
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,169
It's gonna be rad having
Cartman be our slave.
104
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,630
And with that,
let's all head to Tamarack Hill
105
00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,006
and put on a good show!
106
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,424
[all]
Yeah!
107
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,928
[announcer]
Welcome to the South Park Reenactment of
108
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,388
the Battle of Tamarack Hill.
109
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,891
The men in gray are
the Confederacy from the South.
110
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,018
In the blue,
the Union from the North.
111
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:50,231
It was a cold morning in 1862.
112
00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:52,650
The Union army had to get
the Bell of Appomattox
113
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,568
down from Tamarack Hill.
114
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,779
What ensued was a bloody battle,
115
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,949
but after many hours,
the Union army prevailed.
116
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,993
Here now is the reenactment
of that great battle.
117
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,370
[whistle blows]
118
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:06,080
Forward!
119
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:09,458
Let's bring
those Confederate bastards down!
120
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,709
[fife and drum music plays]
121
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,629
Fire!
122
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:14,838
[gunshots, cheers]
123
00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:16,382
Alright, men, fire!
124
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:17,549
[gunfire]
125
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,510
[laughter, shouting]
126
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:25,432
Hey, I shot you, Ned.
You have to fall down.
127
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,101
[voice box]
Ow.
128
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,310
Yeah!
129
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,853
[cow moos]
130
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,318
Wow, so this
is what it was like.
131
00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:44,827
Hey, what's
that guy doing?
132
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,371
Whee-hee!
Long live the Confederacy!
133
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,580
[all]
Huh?
134
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,832
What the hell?
135
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,041
Hey, he took the bell!
136
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,668
He can't
do that!
137
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,545
The Confederacy
doesn't take the bell!
138
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:55,713
Hooray for the South!
139
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,006
Cartman, you
can't do that!
140
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,049
God damn it,
now we have to start over.
141
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,804
Alrighty, everyone.
142
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,764
We're going to do
the entire reenactment again
143
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,850
because of some confusion
over the bell.
144
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,601
Now, I know you're
just trying to help, Eric,
145
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,729
but we have to let the Union
army capture the bell this time.
146
00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:13,939
But why?
Why should they get the bell?
147
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,483
Well...'cause we're
supposed to lose.
148
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,402
But we don't have to lose.
- What?
149
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,487
Gentlemen,
we can win this battle.
150
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,281
Sure, we could lose,
151
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,574
and tonight we could go
back to our families
152
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,826
and say, "we did it. We lost
like we were supposed to.
153
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,036
Aren't we proud?"
154
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,330
Or...or we take that hill,
155
00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,623
we take that hill,
and when we stand tall upon it,
156
00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,417
we hold our heads high,
and we yell,
157
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,127
"Not this year!
158
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:38,339
This year belongs
to the Confederacy!"
159
00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:44,345
By God, he's right!
- Jimbo!
160
00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:47,723
No, I've been reenacting
this war for 22 years now.
161
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,726
And for 22 years,
us Confederate reenactors
162
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,686
have had to spend the evening
being ridiculed and made fun of
163
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,146
by the Union reenactors.
164
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,606
Well, I'm sick of it!
165
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:56,857
Yeah, why do we have
to be their bitches
166
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,233
every year?
167
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:00,235
I'm tired
of losing this battle.
168
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,945
And I say it's high time
we kicked some ass!
169
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,197
Who's with me?
170
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:04,990
[all]
Yeah!
171
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,495
Alright, folks,
sorry for the false start.
172
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,746
We're ready to go again.
173
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:14,124
It was a cold morning in 1862.
174
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,334
The Union army had--
[men shouting]
175
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,127
What the hell?
176
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,254
Man: You're not gonna live
to see another day!
177
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,756
Uh, what are
they doing?
178
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,509
You yankee
sons of bitches!
179
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:25,719
[gunshots]
180
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,262
Ow! That hurt!
181
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,889
Damn it, what the hell
are they doing?!
182
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:31,892
What do we do?
183
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:32,893
Run for your life,
dude!
184
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:40,526
God bless those men
that fight for their freedom.
185
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:44,029
God bless those men
and God bless the Confederacy!
186
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,699
Surrender your men,
General!
187
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:49,243
Jimbo, have you lost
your mind?
188
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,120
Surrender your men,
General!
189
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,996
Alright, alright,
we surrender!
190
00:06:58,252 --> 00:06:59,628
The South wins?
191
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,296
The South wins!
192
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:02,464
[cheering]
193
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,465
God damn it!
194
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,888
[slurred]
Well, we can all be friends now.
195
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:13,934
Come on, Randy,
have some S'more Schnapps.
196
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,978
I can't be happy.
You ruined the reenactment.
197
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,773
Aw, come on,
have a little sip.
198
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,817
So, you guys about ready
to start being my slaves?
199
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,193
You cheated, Cartman!
200
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,445
Yeah, and it doesn't matter
because the bet was
201
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:25,946
that the South
doesn't win the war.
202
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,614
And the South still didn't
win the war, dipshit.
203
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,033
Yeah, too bad you're
such a dumbass at history,
204
00:07:30,159 --> 00:07:31,618
or you would have
known that.
205
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,036
[sighs]
I hate you guys so much...
206
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,663
So very, very much.
207
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,497
And this is not over,
not by a long shot.
208
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,461
[slurred]
All I'm saying is that...
209
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,463
I-is that the Confederates
210
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,630
would have just gotten
their asses kicked in Topeka.
211
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,632
That ain't true.
212
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,051
The Confederates would have
whupped ass in Topeka, too!
213
00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:48,802
[all]
Yeah!
214
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,304
You're dreaming!
215
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:52,264
Perhaps we should take Topeka
- Huh?
216
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:53,891
They mock us
in Kansas, soldier.
217
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:55,476
They think the South
is a joke.
218
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,519
They don't respect
our authoritah!
219
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,687
They don't?
220
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,522
No, I say we take Topeka.
221
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,149
You know what?
222
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,651
I'll bet we could take
Topeka right now
223
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:05,903
and prove them all wrong!
224
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,404
Huh?
- That's right.
225
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,406
Maybe we should do
what the Confederates
226
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,200
would have done
and march on to Topeka.
227
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,784
I'll bet we could!
228
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,578
I'll bet we could, too!
229
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:15,954
I'll bet you can't.
230
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,414
What?!
Is that a challenge?
231
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,041
I'll bet we can!
232
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,334
[higher voice]
I'll bet you can't
233
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,585
because you guys
are all pussies!
234
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:22,961
Pussies?
Oh, yeah?
235
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,005
Men, it's time
to show the world
236
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,257
what this Confederate army
has got!
237
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,635
We're gonna take Topeka,
once and for all!
238
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,470
[all]
Yeah!
239
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,556
All you men, you may have
lost in the Union today,
240
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,975
but join us now
and win back your pride!
241
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,477
Yeah!
242
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:39,686
The Union be damned!
243
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,396
Let's go!
244
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:42,147
[all]
Yeah!
245
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:45,734
Oh, what was
our bet again?
246
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,361
Let's see...
247
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:48,612
Yes, I remember...
if the South wins,
248
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,572
you have to be
my slaves for a month!
249
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,199
They're just drunk,
Cartman.
250
00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:53,951
As soon as they sober up,
they'll stop.
251
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,285
Enjoy your freedom,
gentlemen.
252
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,912
Soon you will be
my propertah!
253
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,205
Come, Kenny,
come fight for us,
254
00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,998
and I'll make sure you get
255
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,416
lots of plunder and womens.
- Mrph rm!
256
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,876
[shouting]
257
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,298
[rooster crows]
258
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:18,976
Good morning,
Mrs. Hollis.
259
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,811
Hello, Ralph!
260
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,646
Did you happen to catch
that ballgame last night?
261
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,732
I'm afraid I was grading papers
pretty late--
262
00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:26,775
[rumbling]
263
00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,823
What's that noise, officer?
264
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,910
[men shouting]
265
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,413
Charge!
266
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:40,914
[gunfire]
267
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:50,591
[all screaming]
268
00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:51,883
Ow!
269
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:53,719
Freeze, buddy!
270
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,679
These are blanks
but they still hurt like hell.
271
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,848
[bell rings]
272
00:09:57,973 --> 00:09:59,099
It's ours, it's ours!
273
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:00,851
We've taken Topeka!
274
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,561
[cheering]
275
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,021
Alright, yank,
tell us where you keep
276
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,939
your Jagerminz
S'more-Flavored Schnapps!
277
00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:07,733
S-Schnapps?
278
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:08,984
Uh, I guess it would be
at the liquor store.
279
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,402
Where?!
280
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,945
[sobbing]
At the liquor store!
281
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,071
At the liquor store!
282
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,781
Come on, boys!
283
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,658
[shouting]
284
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:20,454
This is the most bizarre thing
I've ever seen!
285
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,040
Excuse me.
286
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:26,084
Dude, my mom is so pissed
at my dad for going to Kansas.
287
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,836
I know but why do they
have to take it out on us?
288
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,504
Why do we have to wait around
for them to come back?
289
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,173
Here comes the bus.
290
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,552
Butters, are you the
only one that came back?
291
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,971
C-Confederate messenger Butters
reporting, sir.
292
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,849
I have a message for you from the battlefield.
- What battlefield?
293
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,352
Topeka. We're raising
all kinds of hell, see?
294
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,604
It's probably the most fun
I've had in several months.
295
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,356
W-well, you gonna read
your message or not?
296
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:50,067
[Cartman]
"Dear guys...
297
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,277
"words cannot express
how much I hate you guys.
298
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,072
"as we fight our way northward
into the great unknown,
299
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:57,115
"only that one thing
remains certain,
300
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,533
"that I hate you guys
301
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,661
"with every tired muscle
in my Confederate body.
302
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,621
"We have taken Topeka,
303
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,539
"and now I must rally the men
onward to Missouri
304
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,334
"because I will not stop
until we have won it all
305
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,752
"and you guys are my slaves.
306
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,754
"Because...I hate you guys.
307
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,048
"I hate you guys
so very, very much.
308
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,966
Yours,
General Cartman Lee."
309
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,635
Damn it, that fat
piece of shit.
310
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,220
Dude, what if Cartman
really does succeed,
311
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,805
and we really do
have to be his slaves?
312
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,223
That would suck
so much ass.
313
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,557
We have to stop him,
dude.
314
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,017
I'll go get my grandpa.
He'll help us.
315
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,811
Where's the Confederate army
now, Butters?
316
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,562
Uh, I ain't supposed
to tell you that.
317
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,439
If I told you that,
w-well, I'd be a...
318
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,066
a no-good yankee
son-of-a-bitch.
319
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,193
We'll give you 10 bucks.
- Oh,oh...okay.
320
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:36,822
...And was forced to live off
her own feces for several days.
321
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,533
In national news, a frightening
radical group from Colorado
322
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:42,077
is making its way across
the southern states of America.
323
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,121
The group is recruiting
new members
324
00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:46,748
in each town they pass through
and rapidly growing in number.
325
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,750
So authorities have decided
to call in the National Guard.
326
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,752
The group seems to be led
by military mastermind
327
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,839
and right-wing radical
Jimbo Kern,
328
00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:56,967
who is known for his guerrilla
fighting and leadership skills.
329
00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:00,679
Gimme some more S'more Schnapps!
I'm gonna be sick!
330
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,515
[men shouting]
331
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,479
Oh, boy, this is worse
than I thought.
332
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,064
Well, come on, Billy,
333
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,524
we gotta make
these little peckers stop
334
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,484
before they get
themselves killed.
335
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,446
They say we can either fight
them or join them.
336
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,490
Well, I'm joining them.
Those blanks hurt!
337
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,868
Dad, Dad!
Mom wants you to come home!
338
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,953
Not now, Stan.
I'm pillaging!
339
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,080
Get over here!
340
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,166
You've got to stop, Dad.
341
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,001
If the South wins, me and Stan
have to be Cartman's slaves.
342
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,961
This is a reenactment, Kyle.
343
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,255
My name is Private John Farcastle,
344
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,758
and I have to do
what my general tells me.
345
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,843
Hey, there's S'more Schnapps
over here!
346
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,470
More Schnapps!
347
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,096
[men grunting]
348
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:44,848
I'm Sergeant Larson
of the National Guard.
349
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,224
We're here to stop
the terrorists.
350
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,059
They're not terrorists.
351
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:50,103
They're just a bunch of
drunk wankers from Colorado.
352
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,688
Well, we can't
just shoot 'em.
353
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:52,439
There's innocents
and children about.
354
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:53,982
Dawkins!
- Sir!
355
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,317
Fire a warning flare.
- Yes, sir!
356
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,158
Medic!
357
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,499
Oops!
- Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
358
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,542
You bastards!
- Hey!
359
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:13,502
We can't fire
at them, sir.
360
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,544
There are
too many children.
361
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:15,879
Then how do
we stop them?
362
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,380
I know how...
363
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,382
but we'll have to wait until dark.
364
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,472
[Cartman]
"Dear Ms. McCormick,
365
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,682
"It is with a very heavy heart
that I must inform you
366
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,851
"that your son Kenny
was killed in battle
367
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,603
"on the morning
of November 18th
368
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,563
"at Ruby Hills Funland
in Chattanooga.
369
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,440
"This war has taken
something from all of us
370
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,275
"and although
your son appears
371
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,777
"to be the only casualty so far,
372
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,779
"know that we all
share your pain.
373
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,447
"Your son did not die in vain.
374
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:43,824
"I shall persevere
375
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,450
"and make Stan and Kyle
my slaves
376
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:46,701
"because I hate those guys.
377
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,495
"I hate them
so very, very much.
378
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,831
Yours,
General Cartman Lee."
379
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:55,085
[indistinct conversation,
laughter]
380
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,670
There, you see?
381
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,296
We take
the S'more Schnapps,
382
00:13:58,421 --> 00:13:59,214
and by morning, they're
all gonna want to go home.
383
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,423
Nice thinking, Billy.
384
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:02,133
Let's go!
385
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,011
Where to next, General?
386
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,222
Where did
the Confederates go, son?
387
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,058
Well, I guess to Fort Sumter
in South Carolina.
388
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,102
That's where the Civil War
really escalated.
389
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,645
Ah, splendid.
390
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:15,105
Then to Fort Sumter
we shall go.
391
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:16,606
Well, that sounds great.
392
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,149
I'm gonna get
some S'more Schnapps.
393
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,901
You want anything?
394
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,444
Yeah, could I get some
of those animal cookies?
395
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,988
Those frosted ones
with the sprinkles on 'em?
396
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,656
Uh, sure.
397
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,162
What the--
398
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:32,289
Hey, where's
the S'more Schnapps?
399
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:33,373
We're out
of S'more Schnapps?
400
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,542
That can't be!
401
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,918
I guess
we drank it all.
402
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,462
Now what?
403
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:40,630
Now we just wait
until morning.
404
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,215
Checkmate, Cartman.
405
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,592
Pretty soon you're
gonna be our slave.
406
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,718
Yeah!
407
00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,058
[all groaning]
408
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,143
Ouch.
409
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,269
Oh, my head.
410
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,896
Where am I?
411
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,981
Ned, I think I can say
without any doubt
412
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,109
that that was the longest
drinking binge we've ever had.
413
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,070
[voice box]
Oh, oh. My head.
414
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,906
Oh, no, I'm supposed
to be at work today.
415
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:07,157
Me too!
416
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,909
Well, come on, everybody.
417
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:10,118
We've got to get to
the nearest bus station quick.
418
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,413
Where are you going?
419
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,081
We're going home, kid.
Come on!
420
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,750
We can't go home.
We have to take Fort Sumter!
421
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,293
The only thing
we got to do is get home
422
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,127
before our wives leave us.
423
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,712
No.
424
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:21,630
What about
the Confederacy?
425
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,089
What about freedom?
426
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,342
Ha ha.
You lose, fat ass!
427
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:26,718
God,
I hate you guys!
428
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,303
Yeah, but, you know,
429
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,763
I think you've
learned something today.
430
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:30,764
You've learned that you
can't rewrite history.
431
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,891
You see,
history is forever.
432
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,267
And everything happens
for a reason.
433
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,852
You can try
to change the past,
434
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,520
but usually, you kn--
where are you going?
435
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:38,647
This isn't over.
Oh, no.
436
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,649
Oh, no,
not by a long shot.
437
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:44,235
Oh, I don't believe
we came all the way out here.
438
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:45,987
Yeah, well, I don't think
the bus station
439
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,948
is too far from here.
440
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,282
How much do you think a bus
ticket back to Colorado
441
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,617
is gonna run?
442
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,703
[both grunting]
443
00:15:57,082 --> 00:16:00,794
Hello, I am Suzette,
the S'more Schnapps girl.
444
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,629
We are pleased
to sponsor you
445
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,422
with all the
S'more Schnapps you need.
446
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,174
Uh, I can't drink
any more of that stuff.
447
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,258
Me neither.
448
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:08,802
Uh, come on, guys,
449
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,637
just one little drink.
450
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,597
A toast to how far you came
and all that you saw.
451
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:15,141
Yes, please. Do shots out of my breasts.
452
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,811
Well, I guess
one little cheers is in order!
453
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:19,938
[shouting, laughter]
454
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:23,441
Hey, look, Ned's doing
his trick again.
455
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,443
Hey, guys, let's all play
a game of grab-ass!
456
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,070
What's grab-ass?
457
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,905
We just run around
in circles
458
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,407
and try to grab
each other's asses.
459
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,242
Hey, that sounds fun!
460
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,618
[laughter]
461
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:34,786
I got you!
462
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,955
Oh! Ooh!
463
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,666
Gentlemen, I hate
to break up the party,
464
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,584
but I believe we have a fort to take.
465
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,044
You heard the general!
466
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,004
[all]
Yeah!
467
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:46,506
Oh, no!
468
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,924
We'll never stop
them now.
469
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,021
[all]
Whoo-hoo!
470
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,772
Yes, yes!
471
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,988
Throughout 1861,
the Confederate authorities
472
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,823
tried to drive out
the Union occupants
473
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,408
of Fort Sumter Peacefully.
474
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,118
But Abraham Lincoln's
administration
475
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,704
would not surrender the fort
to the Confederates,
476
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,956
so Jefferson Davis
decided to take action.
477
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,082
And the Confederates
won the fort?
478
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,876
Yes.
479
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,294
Imagine what it
must have been like.
480
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,421
You're a Union soldier
stationed at this fort.
481
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,839
And one day you look out
482
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,716
and see thousands
of Confederates
483
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:30,759
ready to pounce on you!
484
00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:34,179
Uh...
485
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,889
Take the fort!
- Charge!
486
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:36,973
[all]
487
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,019
We got it! The fort is ours!
488
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,062
[explosion]
489
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,730
What was that?
490
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:46,191
Attention, political activists.
491
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,194
You are on government
historical monument property.
492
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,029
Surrender the monument
with your hands up.
493
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:53,281
If you would like a tour
of the fort, one can be arranged
494
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,283
through the South Carolina
Chamber of Commerce.
495
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,993
Give up, fat ass.
496
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,244
There's over
100 National Guard guys here.
497
00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:00,121
Stuck my ass!
498
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,248
What do we do, general?
We're outnumbered!
499
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,292
We ask the state
of South Carolina for recruits.
500
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,960
Some reinforcements
are bound to show up.
501
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,171
Alright, that does it.
Blow the whole thing up.
502
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,090
You can't do that.
Our dads are in there!
503
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,758
Sorry, son,
we tried it your way.
504
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:12,759
Now we do it
our way.
505
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:13,760
Prepare the mortar!
506
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,136
Hold it right there.
507
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,806
[men shouting]
508
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,516
Wow, look at that!
509
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:21,518
The entire state
of South Carolina showed up.
510
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,561
I knew they would.
511
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:24,979
Aw, damn it!
512
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,356
We're ready
to fight with ya.
513
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:28,108
Long live the Confederacy!
514
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,818
[all]
Yee-haw!
515
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,319
Now our numbers
are truly great.
516
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,987
It is time.
517
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,615
It is time to march
to Washington, D.C.
518
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:40,078
[men shouting]
519
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,207
Hey, government!
520
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,835
You can't ignore
our anguished cries anymore!
521
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,337
You hear that, government?
522
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,923
Oh, boy,
this doesn't look good.
523
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,466
It's just like
the Million Man March,
524
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,260
except there actually
are a million people.
525
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:58,555
Mr. President, a message
for you from the extremists.
526
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,181
[Cartman]
"Dear Mr. President...
527
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,142
"there are times
when humans can no longer
528
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,852
"endure their government's
authoritah.
529
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,146
"You must declare
the Confederacy its own nation
530
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,606
"so that we may enter into
a new millennium of prosperitah.
531
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,316
"if you do not meet our demands,
532
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,068
"we will be forced
to show the videotapes
533
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:13,778
we have of you
with Marisa Tomel."
534
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,196
Oh, dear God!
535
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,865
We have to meet
their demands!
536
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,700
What? Sir, there's
not that many of them!
537
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:22,370
As vice president, I think we
better give them what they want.
538
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,247
It's just the southern states.
Who really needs them?
539
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,248
My hands are tied.
540
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,000
Tell General Lee
541
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:27,959
that I'll meet him
in front of the Capitol.
542
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,419
Sir!
543
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,129
I'm so glad
I don't have your job.
544
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,091
Dude, let's just
give up now
545
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,426
and accept that we have
to be Cartman's slaves.
546
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,803
Damn it, Billy, this isn't
about you having to be slaves.
547
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,054
This is about history.
548
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,848
We can't let them change it.
549
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,933
But we've tried everything
Grandpa. What else can we do?
550
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,394
Wait a minute, they're all
still doing a reenactment.
551
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,605
What we have to do
is play into that.
552
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,524
Come on, Billy, you boys need
a quick history lesson.
553
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,359
Alright, I'm gonna sign
the document
554
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:56,863
declaring the Confederacy
winners of the Civil War.
555
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,281
[all]
Hooray!
556
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,450
Boy, we really got
the president by the balls.
557
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:01,993
Good thing you have
that videotape
558
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,328
of him and Marisa Tomei.
559
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:04,245
I don't.
I made it up.
560
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:06,915
Hey, who's that?
561
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:07,999
Hello, I'm Abraham Lincoln,
562
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,709
President
of the United States.
563
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,169
Yes,
and I'm Jefferson Davis,
564
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:13,004
President
of the Confederacy.
565
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,048
Boy, this just keeps
getting weirder, doesn't it?
566
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,591
What the hell
are you guys doing?
567
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,509
Hey, general! He's
reenacting Jefferson Davis!
568
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:21,554
You can't talk that way
to a superior officer!
569
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,139
Men, I want
you all to know
570
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,265
that as President
of the Confederacy,
571
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,351
I am hereby surrendering.
- What?!
572
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,144
Well, as Abraham Lincoln,
I accept your surrender
573
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,562
and agree
to your conditions.
574
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:30,855
You and all
the Confederates
575
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:31,898
will have
all the S'more Schnapps
576
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,107
you can drink for a year.
577
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,108
[all]
Whoa!
578
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:35,944
A whole year?
- Alright!
579
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,487
Well, I think we got
what we wanted.
580
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:39,489
That's it? I don't have
to sign this thing?
581
00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:42,909
Hey, come on, we should take
a tour of the Smithsonian
582
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,285
before we head back.
583
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,787
No! We still
have to fight!
584
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,705
Lincoln and Davis
signed a treaty, General.
585
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:48,831
The war is over.
586
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:50,291
Noooo!
587
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,585
It's finally over,
Cartman. You lost!
588
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:55,630
Yeah, and now you can
take that stupid beard off!
589
00:20:55,755 --> 00:21:05,754
Owwwwww!
590
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:08,685
Boys, as President
of the United States,
591
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,186
I want to commend you
592
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:11,437
for stopping
the rebel uprising.
593
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:12,939
Don't touch me.
594
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:14,357
Well, Cartman,
the South lost.
595
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:15,483
That means you're
our slave for a month!
596
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,652
Damn it, damn it.
I was so close! Damn it.
597
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,779
The first thing I want
you to do for us is--
598
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,739
Wait a minute! I don't have to be your slave!
- What?
599
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:23,157
The North still
won the Civil War.
600
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,575
That means slavery
is abolished.
601
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,412
He's right, boys.
Slavery is illegal and immoral,
602
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,622
partially in thanks to
the North winning the Civil War.
603
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:30,790
Awww!
604
00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:32,375
[laughs]
605
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,418
Oh, to hell with it.
Let's just go home.
606
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:34,752
Thanks a lot, Bill Clinton!
Yeah, thanks, dick!