Fighting the Frizzies at 11:00!
♪ We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose ♪
♪ And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow ♪
♪ But all of those stories seem kind of gay ♪
♪ 'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday... ♪
♪ Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo ♪
♪ Small and brown he comes from you ♪
♪ Sit on the toilet here he comes ♪
♪ Squeezin' 'tween your festive buns ♪
♪ A present from down below ♪
♪ Spreading joy with a howdy-ho ♪
♪ He's seen the love inside of you ♪
♪ 'Cause he's a piece of poo ♪
♪ Sometimes he's nutty sometimes he's corny ♪
♪ He can be brown or greenish brown ♪
♪ But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve ♪
♪ He might come to your town ♪
♪ Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo ♪
♪ He loves me, I love you ♪
♪ Therefore, vicariouly he loves you ♪
♪ I can make a Mr. Hankey, too ♪ [poot]
Howdy-ho!
♪ I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo ♪
♪ Seasons greetings to all of you ♪
♪ Let's sing songs and dance and play ♪
♪ Now before I melt away ♪
♪ Here's a game I like to play ♪
♪ Stick me in your mouth and try to say ♪
♪ Howdy-ho and yum-yum-yum ♪
♪ Christmas time has come ♪
♪ Sometimes he's runny sometimes he's firm ♪
♪ Sometimes he's practically water ♪
♪ Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass ♪
♪ And won't fall in the toilet ♪
♪ 'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter ♪
♪ And he won't drop off so you shake your ass around ♪
♪ And try to get it to drop in the toilet ♪
♪ And finally it does... ♪
♪ Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo ♪
♪ When Christmas leaves he must leave too ♪
♪ Flush him down but he's never gone... ♪
♪ His smell and his spirit lingers on... ♪♪
Howdy-ho!
Howdy-ho, folks!
We're gonna do something a little bit different tonight!
Instead of our normal thing,
we're just gonna sit back and enjoy some holiday songs!
And if you don't like it...
well, I guess you can suck my tiny little balls.
So, let's start off with a festive Hanukkah song
sung by my favorite Jewish person in the whole world.
Okay Ike, you're my little brother,
so I have to show you how to celebrate Hanukkah.
This is called a "dreidel".
You spin it and see where it lands
and you sing this song:
♪ I have a little dreidel ♪
♪ I made it out of clay ♪
♪ And when it's dry and ready ♪
♪ With dreidel I shall play ♪
♪ Oh, dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ With dreidel I shall play ♪
Hey, what the hell are you doing?
Oh, hey, Cartman!
We're playing dreidel, you wanna try?
Sure!
♪ Here's a little dreidel ♪
♪ That's small and made of clay ♪
♪ But I'm not gonna play with it ♪
♪ 'Cause dreidels' freakin' gay ♪
Hey, shut your mouth, fat ass!
♪ Jews... ♪
♪ Play stupid games ♪
♪ Jews... ♪
♪ That's why they're lame ♪ - ♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ♪
♪ Jews... ♪ - ♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ Play stupid games ♪ - ♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ♪
♪ Jews... ♪ - ♪ With dreidel I shall play ♪
♪ That's why they're lame ♪
What's going on?
Oh, it's that Hanukkah thing.
It's so amazing.
You spin this thing on the ground
and it goes 'round and 'round.
I could watch it all day!
Let me try!
♪ I'll try to make it spin ♪
♪ It fell, I'll try again ♪
♪ Oh dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪ - ♪ I'll try ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪ - ♪ To make it spin ♪
♪ It fell ♪ - ♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I'll try again ♪ - ♪ With dreidel I shall play ♪
♪ Oh, dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ Jews... ♪ - ♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ Play stupid games ♪ - ♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ Jews... ♪ - ♪ With dreidel I shall play ♪
♪ That's why they're lame ♪ - ♪ Oh, dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪ - ♪ Jews... ♪
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪ - ♪ Play stupid games ♪
♪ With dreidel I shall play ♪ - ♪ Jews... ♪
♪ That's why they're lame ♪
Hello, boys!
Hi, Mom!
Oh, how precious!
You boys are all playing dreidel!
Now, you know, that dreidel
is a time-honored tradition for the Hebrew people!
Yes, we know Mrs. Broflovski.
It's so very interesting!
♪ Now when you want... to make the dreidel spin ♪
♪ You kno-ooow... our people always win ♪
♪ Keep spinning one, to make the dreidel spin ♪ - ♪ Jews... play stupid games ♪
♪ You kno--ooow our people always win ♪ - ♪ Jews... ♪
♪ That's why their lame ♪
Oh, hi, Dad!
Hello, everybody!
Say, can I join in?
Sure!
♪ I have a little dreidel ♪
♪ I made it out of clay ♪
♪ And when it's dry and ready ♪
♪ With dreidel I shall-- ♪
Everybody!
[all singing their parts] ♪ Courtney Cox, I love you ♪
♪ You're so hot ♪
♪ On that show ♪
♪ Oh, dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ With dreidel I shall play ♪
♪ Courtney cox, I love you ♪
♪ You're so hot ♪
♪ On that show ♪
Dad?
♪ Courtney ♪ - huh?
We're singing about a dreidel.
Oh, sorry.
We'll talk about this later, Gerald!
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ And with you I shall play ♪
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ And with you I shall play... ♪♪
Woo-hoo, golly! That sure was fun!
But now for our next song, hold on to your bootstraps
'cause we're going to descend down into Hell!
[sobbing and singing]
♪ Oh tannenbaum, oh tannenbaum ♪
♪ Wie grun sind deine blatter ♪
♪ Oh tannenbaum, oh tannenbaum ♪
♪ Wie grun sind deine blatter ♪
♪ Du grunst nicht nur zur sommerzeit ♪
♪ Nein, auch im winter, wenn es schneit ♪
♪ Oh tannenbaum, oh tannenbaum ♪
♪ Wie grun sind deine blatter ♪
Hey, Hitler...
What's the matter, little guy?
Oh, Satan...
Der tannenbaum wie grun sind deine blatter.
Aw, you don't have a Christmas tree?
Auch im Winter, wenn es schneit!
Well I'll tell you what...
Maybe we'll have ourselves a little Christmas...
Right here!
C'mon, everyone, gather 'round!
♪ String up the lights and light up the tree ♪
♪ We're gonna make some revelry ♪
♪ Spirits are high so I can tell ♪
♪ It's Christmas time in Hell ♪
♪ Demons are nicer as you pass them by ♪
♪ There's lots of demon toys to buy ♪
♪ The snow is falling and all is well ♪
♪ It's Christmas time in Hell ♪
♪ There goes Jeffrey Dahmer ♪
♪ With a festive Christmas ham ♪
♪ After he has sex with it he'll eat up all he can ♪
♪ And there goes John F. Kennedy caroling with his son ♪
♪ Reunited for the holidays God bless us, everyone ♪
♪ Everybody has a happy glow ♪
♪ Let's dance in blood and pretend it's snow ♪
♪ Even Mao Tse-tung is under the spell ♪
♪ It's Christmas time in Hell ♪
Adolph, here's a present for you!
Oh!
Au tannenbaum!
Yes, au tannenbaum.
♪ God cast me down from Heaven's door ♪
♪ To rule in Hell forever more ♪
♪ But now I'm kinda glad that I fell ♪
♪ 'Cause it's Christmas time in Hell ♪
♪ Here's a rack to hang the stockings on ♪
♪ We still have to shop for Ghengis Khan ♪
♪ Michael Landon's hair looks swell ♪
♪ It's Christmas time in Hell ♪
♪ There's Princess Diana holding burning mistletoe ♪
♪ Over poor Gene Siskel's head just watch his weenie grow ♪
♪ For one day we all stop burning ♪
♪ And the flames are not so thick ♪
♪ All the screaming and the torture stops ♪
♪ As we wait for old Saint Nick ♪
♪ So string up the lights and light up the tree ♪
♪ We're damned for all eternity ♪
♪ But for just one day all is well ♪
♪ It's Christmas time in Hell ♪
♪ Gather close together and make it quick ♪
♪ We've gotta make room for Andy Dick ♪
♪ Wake his mother and ring the bell... ♪
♪ It's Christmas time ♪
♪ Christmas time ♪
♪ It's Christmas time in Hell!... ♪
Merry Christmas, movie house!
Fighting the Frizzies at 11:00!
[bells jingling] Howdy-ho!
♪ Hark, hear the bells sweet silver bells ♪
♪ All seem to say ding-dong 'm-kay ♪
♪ Christmas is here bringing good cheer ♪
♪ To young and old meek and the bold ♪
♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong that is their song ♪
♪ This joyful ring all caroling ♪
♪ One seems to hear words of good cheer ♪
♪ From everywhere filling the air ♪
♪ Oh how they pound raising the sound ♪
♪ O'er hill and dale telling their tale ♪
♪ Gaily they ring while people sing ♪
♪ Songs of good cheer Christmas is here ♪
♪ Merry merry merry merry Christmas ♪
♪ On, on they send on without end ♪
♪ Their joyful tone to every home ♪
♪ Hark, hear the bells sweet silver bells ♪
♪ All seem to say ding-dong 'm-kay ♪
♪ On, on they send on without end ♪
♪ Their joyful tone to every home ♪
♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong ♪
'm-kay!
Well, that was nice little song, wasn't it?
But let's not forget that for some people
Christmas is about the birth of Jesus.
So now, here's a more serious Christmas song
sung by Eric Cartman.
And...
♪ Oh, holy night... ♪
♪ The stars are brightly shi-ning ♪
♪ It is the night of our dear savior's ♪
♪ B-b-birth... ♪
♪ Oh holy night... ♪
♪ Something-something... Something... ♪
♪ It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie ♪
♪ Jesus was born and ♪
♪ So I get presents ♪
♪ Thank you, Jesus ♪
♪ For be-ing born ♪
♪ Fall ♪
♪ On your knees ♪
♪ And hear... ♪
♪ Can't you hear ♪
♪ The angels'-- ♪
♪ --something ♪
♪ Voices ♪
♪ Oh night... ♪
♪ Divine ♪
♪ The night... ♪
♪ When I get presents ♪
♪ Oh night... ♪
♪ Divine... ♪
♪ Oh night... ♪
♪ Oh night divine... ♪
AhH...
Oh, boy, that was a super song!
And now, let's hear from the school teacher
Mr. Garrison.
Okay children, let's take our seats.
Today we're gonna learn how different cultures
around the world celebrate the holiday season.
Now, pay attention.
♪ I heard there is no Christmas ♪
♪ In the silly Middle East ♪
♪ No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus ♪
♪ They have different religious beliefs ♪
♪ They believe in Mohammed and not in our holiday ♪
♪ And so every December ♪
♪ I go to the Middle East and say... ♪
♪ Hey there Mr. Muslim Merry fuckin' Christmas ♪
♪ Put down that book the Koran ♪
♪ And hear some holiday wishes ♪
♪ In case you haven't noticed it's Jesus' birthday ♪
♪ So get off your heathen Muslim ass ♪
♪ And fuckin' celebrate ♪
♪ There is no holiday season in India, I've heard ♪
♪ They don't hang up their stockings ♪
♪ And that is just absurd ♪
♪ They never read a Christmas story ♪
♪ They don't know what Rudolph is about ♪
♪ And that is why in December I'll go to India and shout... ♪
♪ Hey there Mr. Hinduist Merry fuckin' Christmas ♪
♪ Drink egg nog and eat some beef ♪
♪ And pass it to the missus ♪
♪ In case you haven't noticed it's Jesus' birthday ♪
♪ So get off your heathen Hindu ass ♪
♪ And fuckin' celebrate ♪
♪ Now, I heard that in Japan ♪
♪ Everyone just lives in sin ♪
♪ They pray to several Gods and put needles in their skin ♪
♪ On December 25th all they do is eat a cake ♪
♪ And that is why I go to Japan and walk around and say... ♪
♪ Hey there Mr. Shintoist, Merry fuckin' Christmas ♪
♪ God is gonna kick your ass you infidelic pagan scum ♪
♪ In case you haven't noticed there's festive things to do ♪
♪ So let's all rejoice for Jesus Merry fuckin' Christmas to you ♪
♪ On Christmas Day... ♪
♪ I travel around the world and say... ♪
♪ Taoist, Krishnas, Buddists and all you atheists too ♪
♪ Merry fuckin' Christmas ♪
♪ To you ♪
[clapping]
Thank you, Mr. Hat.
Frizzies at 11:00!
[jingling] Howdy-ho!
♪ I saw three ships come sailing in ♪
♪ On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day ♪
♪ I saw three ships come sailing in ♪
♪ On Christmas Day in the morning ♪
♪ And what was in those ships, all three ♪
♪ On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day ♪ - [snickering]
Shut up, turds!
♪ --was in those ships, all three ♪
♪ On Christmas Day, in the morning ♪
♪ The Virgin Mary and Christ were there ♪
♪ On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day ♪
[snickering]
Shut up, turds!
♪ Christ were there ♪
♪ On Christmas Day, in the morning ♪
♪ Let us all rejoice amen ♪
♪ On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day ♪
[snickering]
I told you to shut up!
♪ --us all rejoice, amen ♪
♪ On Christmas Day, in the morning ♪
♪ Shelly is starting to get pissed ♪
♪ On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day ♪
♪ Shelly got up and killed the turds ♪
♪ On Christmas Day, in the morning ♪♪
Ahhhh!
Golly, that sure was swell.
I'd say my Christmas special is going super fantastic!
But now it's time to hear from perhaps the two most important people
of the whole season.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to McKennicks.
Now please put your hands together and welcome
Saint Nicholas and Jesus Christ!
[applause]
Hello, everybody!
How are y'all doing tonight?
Y'know Jesus, there've been so many wonderful songs
written about us over the years.
That's right, Santa, and we love each and every one of them.
Like this one...
♪ Joy to the world for I have come ♪
♪ Let Earth receive... ♪
♪ Me ♪
♪ Let every heart ♪ [applause]
♪ Prepare me room ♪
♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪
♪ And heaven and nature ♪
♪ And heaven, and heaven and nature sing ♪
Y'know Jesus, that is a nice song.
But I like this one.
♪ Up on the house top reindeer pause ♪
♪ Out jumps good old ♪
♪ Me ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with lots of toys ♪
♪ All for the little ones' Christmas joys ♪
♪ Ho-ho-ho who wouldn't go ♪
♪ Up on the house top click-click-click ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with good old... ♪
♪ Me ♪♪ - You get away!
Go away?
Get away!
Where away?
♪ Away in the manger no crib for my bed ♪
♪ That's where cute little old me ♪
♪ Laid down my sweet head ♪
♪ The stars in the sky looked down where I lay ♪
♪ Cute little 8-pound me asleep in the hay ♪♪
[applause]
♪ O come all ye faithful joyful and triumphant ♪
♪ O come ye to Bethlehem to see... me ♪
Here's one--
♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪
♪ Glory to meeee... ♪ - It's my turn!
♪ Silent night, holy night ♪
♪ All is calm all is bright ♪
♪ Round yon virgin mother and me ♪
I can't think of one--
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
Okay Jesus, here's one you might remember...
♪ Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand ♪
♪ Just like that river twisting through the dusty land ♪
Santa, Santa, Santa... that's not a Christmas song--
I know, but there's, like, 300 Jesus Christmas songs
and only 4 fucking Santa ones.
It's not fair, just do it yourself.
I'm leaving!
Aww, c'mon, Santa! You can't leave!
No, fuck you, Jesus.
But Santa...
♪ The weather outside is frightful ♪
Awww...
♪ But the fire is so delightful ♪
♪ Well, since I've no place to go ♪
♪ Let it snow let it snow let it snow ♪
♪ It doesn't show signs of stoppin' ♪
♪ But I bought some corn for poopity-poppin' ♪
♪ The lights are turned way down low, so ♪
♪ Let it snow let it snow let it snow ♪
♪ The fire is slowly dyin' ♪
♪ And my dear we're still good-bye-be-byin' ♪
♪ But as long as you love me so ♪
♪ Let it snow ♪
♪ Let it sno-ooow ♪ - ♪ Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand ♪
[cheers and applause]
Fighting frizzies at 11:00!
[jingling] Howdy-ho!
Well, I guess that's about the end of my Christmas album.
Gosh, it was sure nice hanging out with y'all again.
And I guess if there's just one thing I have left to say,
It would be this...
♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪
♪ From now on our troubles will be miles away ♪
♪ Here we are as in olden days ♪
♪ Happy golden days of yore ♪
♪ Faithful friends who are dear to us ♪
♪ Gather near to us once more ♪
♪ Through the years we all will be together ♪
♪ If the fates allow ♪
♪ Hang a shining star upon the highest bough ♪
♪ And have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
♪ Now... ♪♪
Time to go, Mr. Hankey.
Goodbye, everybody!
And Merry Christmas!
Bye, Mr. Hankey!
See ya next year!
And now, fighting the frizzies.
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ With dreidel I shall play ♪
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ With dreidel I shall play... ♪♪
Kick my ass, c'mon!
Come on, come on.
Oh, oh.