1 00:00:08,718 --> 00:00:09,927 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪ 2 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,138 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪ 3 00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:13,639 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 4 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,433 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 5 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:16,434 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪ 6 00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,686 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 7 00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,479 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 8 00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:22,064 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ 9 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:23,399 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪ 10 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,192 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 11 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:28,696 ♪ [mumbling] ♪ 12 00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,114 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪ 13 00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,574 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪ 14 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,995 Okay Stan, I'm going to give you... 15 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,413 a "U.F.O. crash-landing" card, 16 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,999 you can deny it or cover it up. 17 00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,542 Dude, I don't understand this game at all. 18 00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,586 It's "Investigative Reports of Bill Curtis Fun Time Game", 19 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,087 you have to deny it or cover it up. 20 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,505 Uh, deny it. 21 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:47,548 Okay, let's see what Bill Curtis says. 22 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:48,924 Hello, I'm Bill Curtis. 23 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,593 Many believe that the U.S. government 24 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,845 covered it up, I'm Bill Curtis. 25 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,638 Alright, Cartman, I'm going to give you... 26 00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,348 A "jail time card," you lose a turn. 27 00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:57,808 Sweet. 28 00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,810 Oh yeah, well, I'm going to give you... 29 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,145 AIDS. 30 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,605 What? 31 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,231 I just gave you AIDS. - AIDS? 32 00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,900 Dude, that's not cool, don't give Kyle AIDS. 33 00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:09,028 Kyle has AIDS and now loses 47 turns and 800 points. 34 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,321 Kenny, your dad and I 35 00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:11,989 are thinking about having another baby. 36 00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,449 Wouldn't you love to have another brother or sister? 37 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,742 No. 38 00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:17,661 We just might work on it later tonight. 39 00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:18,913 God damn it, poor people suck! 40 00:01:19,038 --> 00:01:20,706 Your family is already on welfare 41 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,333 and now you're going to bring another kid into the world. 42 00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,292 Poor people are turning out babies, 43 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,086 adding on to over-population 44 00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,213 and expecting m e to pay for it with my tax dollars. 45 00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,507 You don't pay tax dollars, Cartman, you're eight. 46 00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:32,093 You see, this is just what I've been talking about! 47 00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,761 I can't even relate to you guys anymore 48 00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:34,929 because you're too immature. - What? 49 00:01:35,054 --> 00:01:36,430 I've got to start hanging out with friends 50 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,015 that are a little more intelligent and understand 51 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,600 politics and stuff. 52 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:41,310 It's just that I'm up on this level, up here 53 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,978 and all my friends are down here. 54 00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,105 You don't know what you're talking about, fat-ass! 55 00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,524 No, no, no, me, "nah", you guys, "nah". 56 00:01:46,649 --> 00:01:48,984 Maybe more down, down "nah". 57 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:53,114 Screw you guys, I'm going home! 58 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,491 I'm Bill Curtis. 59 00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:58,828 I've outgrown all my friends, 60 00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,412 I need to meet more mature people, Clyde Frog. 61 00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:03,582 Oh, great idea, Clyde Frog! 62 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,543 I can meet new friends on the internet. 63 00:02:07,545 --> 00:02:08,796 Here's a chat room. 64 00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:10,172 "men who like young boys", that's perfect! 65 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,966 Hi, everybody. 66 00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:15,219 I am a young boy seeking an older male for good times. 67 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,846 I am eight years old and would like-- 68 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:20,057 [computer beeping] 69 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,892 Wow, look at all these guys that want to be my friends! 70 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,687 I'll pick tony316. 71 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,523 Hi, Tony. 72 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,109 Oh, you know the usual stuff. 73 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:32,236 Smiley face. 74 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,572 "Kewl, wanna get together? Smiley face." 75 00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:37,199 Sure, Tony, that would be cool. 76 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,577 Winking smiley face. 77 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,874 Sounds good, see you then! 78 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,792 Clown hat, curly hair, smiley face. 79 00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,628 You see that Clyde Frog! 80 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,547 Tomorrow I'm going to meet my first mature friend. 81 00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:55,342 Hi, are you Tony? 82 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,970 Yeah, you're Eric? - Yeah! 83 00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,389 I brought you some candy. - Wow, cool! 84 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,601 And some books on Kama Sutra. 85 00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,061 Neato, having older friends kicks ass! 86 00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,063 You see I've really been having a tough time, 87 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,857 I've kind of matured faster than my other friends, 88 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,317 we don't really relate anymore and-- 89 00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:14,612 uh, all my friends seem so childish now, you know. 90 00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:17,198 Do you like having your back rubbed? 91 00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:19,575 Yeah, that seems really nice, thanks. 92 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,659 Hold it right there, scum bag! 93 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:21,952 Huh? 94 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,662 We monitored your little online chat, 95 00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,707 now you're coming with us. - No! 96 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,459 What the hell just happened? 97 00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,670 [moaning] 98 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,797 You can't eat Kenny, we have to save food for the baby. 99 00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:35,466 Your mom and I are going out for a few weeks, Kenny, 100 00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,051 take care of the baby. 101 00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,677 Kenny, you have to change the baby's diapers! 102 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,846 You have to share your room with the baby! 103 00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,014 Both: The baby, the baby, the baby! 104 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,808 Huuuh! 105 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,393 [giggling] Stop it. 106 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,145 Come on, let's go try to get you pregnant again. 107 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,688 Oh, alright. 108 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:50,773 Dad, I want to play catch. 109 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,191 Huh? 110 00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:53,108 Oh, I'll play catch with you later, son. 111 00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:54,777 I want to play now! 112 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,612 Oh, go ahead, we can make love afterwards. 113 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,155 Oh, alright. 114 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:02,785 Alright, here comes a pop fly, see if you can catch it. 115 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,579 Good job, now throw me one. 116 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,873 Oh! 117 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:10,000 [coughing & sputtering] 118 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,001 Blech! 119 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,336 What happened? 120 00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,879 He smacked me in the balls. 121 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,547 Oh, oh! - Woo-hoo! 122 00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:16,840 Blech! 123 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,470 Okay, we'll try this again. 124 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,311 This one looks good, "HungDaddy". 125 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,647 Hello, HungDaddy! 126 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,192 Damn dude, this guy is tiny, he must be a dwarf. 127 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,486 Sorry, I'm not interested in being friends with midgets. 128 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,530 Frowny face. 129 00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,366 How about this one? 130 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:45,911 Mr. Hammer Head? 131 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:46,954 Hi, there. 132 00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,914 Mr. Garrison! - Ahh, Eric! 133 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,417 You want to be my friend? - Oh, crap! 134 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:52,960 That's cool, we can hang out, what do you want to do first? 135 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,295 Nothing, nothing! 136 00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:55,671 Alright, scum bag, we got you. 137 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,464 Hey, ah! 138 00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:58,924 Good thing you guys came. 139 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,801 This little boy was trying to have his way with me. 140 00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,512 Nice try, buddy, we monitored your little online chat, 141 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,306 now you're coming with us. - No! 142 00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:08,309 Why the hell does the FBI keep arresting all my friends? 143 00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:09,977 This has to be the work of Stan and Kyle. 144 00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:10,936 God, I hate those guys! 145 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,148 See, I told you, dude! 146 00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:15,691 Those are dialysis machines. 147 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,609 Old people have to hook themselves into it with a tube 148 00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:18,986 and it sucks all their body fluids out. 149 00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,404 Oh, man, that's terrible! 150 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:21,822 I know, huh? 151 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:22,948 Put your mouth against the glass, like this. 152 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:23,907 Wah! 153 00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,534 Yeah, haaa! 154 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,244 Bleh-leh-leh-leh! 155 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:28,996 Wha-la-la-la-la! 156 00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,081 Alright, just what the hell do you guys think you're doing? 157 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,333 We're making faces at sick people. 158 00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:34,960 No! I mean what the hell are you doing? 159 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:35,919 Why are all my mature adult friends 160 00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:38,505 being mysteriously arrested, huh? 161 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,548 We don't know. - I'll tell you why! 162 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,467 Because you guys are jealous 163 00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:42,760 and can't handle the fact that you're immature, 164 00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,346 and so you started a government conspiracy against me! 165 00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:46,764 We don't know what you're talking about, lard butt. 166 00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,766 Lard butt, oh, that's so mature. 167 00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,309 God, I guess I was wrong about you guys, huh? 168 00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,560 You're not more mature than us, Cartman. 169 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,479 Yes, I am! 170 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,399 I'm telling you this is all a terrible mistake, 171 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,109 Officer Barbrady. 172 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,570 Well, the FBI said I have to hold you here, 173 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,739 so that's what I'm going to do, Mr. Complainy-pants. 174 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,366 Oh! 175 00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:09,203 Do you like having your back rubbed? 176 00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:10,287 Eat me, pervert. 177 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,872 Okay. 178 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,542 We demand you release these men at once. 179 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:16,794 Who are you? 180 00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:18,087 We are NAMBLA, 181 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,214 the North American Man-Boy Love Association 182 00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:21,173 and we heard about these political prisoners 183 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,758 you're keeping. 184 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,885 Political prisoners? No, these are child molesters. 185 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,053 Loving young boys has been around 186 00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,805 since the time of the Romans, pal. 187 00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,181 There's nothing wrong with it! 188 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,058 We are an organization dedicated to showing 189 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,518 that sex between a man and a young boy 190 00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:34,186 can be a beautiful thing! 191 00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,396 Yeah! - Yeah! 192 00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:37,022 Uh, I don't know who you are, 193 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,315 but these men aren't going anywhere 194 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,067 until I hear from the FBI. 195 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,194 Hate mongerer! Hate mongerer! 196 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:43,946 [chanting] Hate mongerer, yeah. 197 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,739 Okay, people, I think you'd better move along 198 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,116 before I arrest more of you. 199 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,826 All these men wanted was to love a young boy, 200 00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,495 there is nothing wrong with love. 201 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,247 I did not want love from a young boy, 202 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,623 I like men my own age. 203 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,125 Ah! I mean-- 204 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,584 I like women, what did I say? 205 00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,002 Oh, God, I love titties! 206 00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,003 You haven't heard the last of us, officer. 207 00:07:00,129 --> 00:07:02,131 Together we are strong. Come on, men! 208 00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:03,132 [mumbling] 209 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,175 Yeah! - Yeah! 210 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,594 Well, they got activists for everything these days. 211 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,223 I've done it, Kevin! 212 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,766 I've successfully gene-spliced this chipmunk 213 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,101 with a piece of provolone cheese. 214 00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,104 Do you know what this means, Kevin? 215 00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:19,731 No more will the world have to look in two different places 216 00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:21,525 for squirrels and provolone cheese. 217 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:22,901 No more will mankind have to pick-- 218 00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:24,278 [doorbell rings] Who could that be? 219 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,072 Why, it's little Eric Cartman. 220 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,490 Doctor Mephesto, I need help. 221 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,575 Of course, come in. 222 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,201 See, unfortunately, 223 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,244 I have matured faster than all my friends. 224 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,120 I want to hang out with older friends, 225 00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,663 but I can't find any. 226 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,664 So I was wondering if you can genetically engineer 227 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,249 some older friends for me. 228 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,625 Oh, Eric, I'm afraid it's not that simple. 229 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,211 Genetic engineering has not yet evolved to the state 230 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,963 where I can just make people. 231 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,590 Damn it, but I want to hang out with older guys! 232 00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,551 Oh, well, I happen to be a member of an organization 233 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,261 that can help you. It's called NAMBLA. 234 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,637 NAMBLA? 235 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,681 Yes, I've been a member for several years. 236 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,850 I'm sure they'll let you join, you look about right. 237 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,685 Okay, thanks, Doctor Mephesto! - Sure. 238 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,605 Fellow members of NAMBLA, 239 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:03,275 as you know, we continue to be discriminated against. 240 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,819 Recently the FBI has started to arrest men 241 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,863 who are doing nothing more than than trying to start 242 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,615 a sexual relationship with a young boy. 243 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,533 All: Oh! 244 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,410 And now that all ethnic groups, homosexuals and womens 245 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:14,995 are protected under civil rights laws, 246 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,997 we want the same! 247 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,999 All: Yeah! - Yeah! 248 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,334 What we need is proof that young boys 249 00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,668 want be members of NAMBLA. 250 00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,545 That they want love from us. 251 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,256 We need a poster child. 252 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,759 To show the world that it is a beautiful and wonderful thing-- 253 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:29,885 ooooh. 254 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,304 Can we help you? 255 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,097 Yes, I'd like to join your fine organization, 256 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,390 is that cool? 257 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,184 You do? - Sure. 258 00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:40,020 Thank you! Thank you, Jesus! 259 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,022 Sweet. 260 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,319 Whah! 261 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,779 Bleh! - Bleh! 262 00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,614 Le-le-le-le! Buh! 263 00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,783 Well, Kenny, the doctor confirmed it. 264 00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,368 I'm pregnant! 265 00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:55,577 You're going to have a little brother or sister. 266 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,956 [gasp] - Yup, it's for sure. 267 00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:01,041 And he fixed my shattered left testicle, too. 268 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,417 Don't be out too late, Kenny. 269 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,127 We need to start moving stuff out of your room. 270 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,089 Wow, your mom's pregnant, Kenny! 271 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,715 Yeah, now what are you going to do? 272 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,802 I don't know, but I have to think of something! 273 00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:12,844 ♪ Nyah-nyah-nyah ♪ 274 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:13,971 ♪ Nyah-nyah-nyah ♪ 275 00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:15,305 ♪ I got into NAMBLA ♪ 276 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,140 ♪ And you guys didn't ♪ 277 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,684 What are you talking about, fat-ass? 278 00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:20,644 Oh, no big deal, I just found a group called NAMBLA 279 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,896 with adult members and they all think that I'm so mature 280 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,691 they want m e to be their new poster child, is all. 281 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,151 It looks like I'm finally going to have mature friends 282 00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:29,570 who I can relate to. 283 00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:30,737 ♪ Nyah-nyah-nyah nyah-nyah-nyah ♪ 284 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,239 ♪ I'm too mature for you guys ♪ 285 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:33,448 ♪ Nyah-nyah-nyah nyah-nyah-nyah ♪ 286 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:37,494 Can I help you, young lady? 287 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,746 [muffled mumbling] 288 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,540 Oh, you want "morning after" abortion pills. 289 00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,584 Well, they're right over there. - Thanks! 290 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,346 I'm sorry, young lady, 291 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,598 but I can't sell that to you 292 00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:58,724 without permission from your parents. 293 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,605 Well, alrighty then, cash or charge? 294 00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:05,606 Cool. 295 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,369 Look, mom, I made you something to drink. 296 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,288 Oh, well, that's very sweet of you, Kenny, 297 00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,998 you made my favorite drink for me. 298 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,083 Yeah. 299 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,419 But, unfortunately, now that I'm pregnant I can't drink. 300 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,087 What? - Well, I could still drink. 301 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,088 No, Daddy. 302 00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,051 Oh, that hits the spot. 303 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,720 Makes me forget all about my shattered balls. 304 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,724 What, what's the matter? 305 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,559 Why don't you go make me another one of-- 306 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:45,228 Oh! 307 00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,230 What's the matter? - Uh-oh! 308 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:50,150 Oh God, I'm gonna crap my pants! 309 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,943 Oh, God! 310 00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:54,112 [bodily noises] 311 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,073 Oh, my balls. 312 00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:57,074 Blech! 313 00:10:57,199 --> 00:11:00,077 [more noises] 314 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:02,704 Oh, God! 315 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,749 [even more bodily noises] 316 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,339 Just a few more pictures, Eric. 317 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,257 You make a perfect poster child. 318 00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:15,300 Thanks, dude. 319 00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:20,180 Hey, Eric, we have a surprise for you. 320 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,890 We want you to have a big dinner and dance 321 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,684 honoring you as our new poster child. 322 00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:25,727 Really, awesome! 323 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,854 Yes, and we want you to, umm... 324 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,357 Invite all your young male friends. 325 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,275 Oh, yes. Aww! 326 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,528 Well, sure, I have some friends who want to be mature 327 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,363 excluding Stan and Kyle, of course. 328 00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,323 Great, now you go and invite your little friends 329 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,533 and we'll get the hotel ready. 330 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,368 Kick-ass! 331 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:44,955 Kenny, don't forget to clean out your room, 332 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,624 so we can paint it for the baby! 333 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,001 Hey, are you feeling down, you need some excitement! 334 00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,170 And North Park Funland has just opened its newest ride, 335 00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,172 the John Denver Experience! 336 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,425 You'll be "Rocky Mountain High" with this, 337 00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,094 the most extreme, insane ride ever built! 338 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,430 Both: It was fun. 339 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,223 Note: People with heart conditions and expectant mothers 340 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,101 should not ride "The John Denver," open now, come on down! 341 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,102 Mom! 342 00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,607 Are you sure you should be going on this thing? 343 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,359 Oh, it's alright. 344 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,527 You know, I think maybe Kenny's been a little worried 345 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,112 about the new baby, 346 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,363 we have to show him that he's still our little boy. 347 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,202 [distorted mumbling] 348 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,041 What'd he say? 349 00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:37,299 [screaming] 350 00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,093 Whoa! 351 00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:42,596 [screaming] 352 00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:47,017 [distorted mumbling] 353 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,855 Oh, God, my nose, I think I broke my nose. 354 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,607 Come on, Stuart, let's just get you to a bathroom. 355 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,067 Oh, I'm not going to make it, I'm going to be sick. 356 00:12:56,193 --> 00:12:58,361 Oh, my stomach. 357 00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:00,489 Oh, my nose. 358 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:01,782 Gross. 359 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,292 Oh, Stan and Kyle, just the guys I wanted to see, 360 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,752 my NAMBLA organization 361 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,337 is having a very important benefit in my honor. 362 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,047 They are? 363 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,632 We're going to have a big mature party at this hotel 364 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,842 and I can invite all my mature friends that I want. 365 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,636 And that means I'm going to invite everybody, 366 00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,679 except for you guys! 367 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:27,808 ♪ Nyah-nyah-nyah nyah-nyah-nyah ♪ 368 00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,518 We don't want to go to some stupid adult meeting anyway. 369 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:30,685 Well, that's nice, because you can't go. 370 00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:31,686 We don't want to go. 371 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:32,687 You can't go. 372 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,897 We don't want to go. 373 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,565 No, you can't go. 374 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:38,276 Hey, Clyde, Butters, check this out! 375 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,487 Dude, maybe we do need to start being more mature. 376 00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,656 Yeah, I guess we've got to try to get in that club, too. 377 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,910 [moaning] 378 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:47,828 You're doing fine, Ms. McCormick. 379 00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:49,412 It's alright, Kenny. 380 00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:50,705 Come see the miracle of life. 381 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,166 [splat] Ewww! 382 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,709 I can see his head. - You can? 383 00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:55,710 Push now, push hard! 384 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,671 [splat] 385 00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:58,672 Oh, my God! 386 00:13:58,797 --> 00:13:59,756 [screaming] 387 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:00,799 What is it? 388 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,510 It's alive! 389 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,932 Oh, my God! It killed Kenny! 390 00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,684 Bad baby, bad! 391 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,894 Hmm? 392 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,105 That does it! 393 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,986 Oh, hi, Kenny, what are you doing? 394 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:25,031 What are you doing Kenny? 395 00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:29,703 Kenny, what are you going to plunge? 396 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:30,996 Grrrrr! 397 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:32,789 Ahhhh! 398 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:33,790 Kenny, what the hell are you doing? 399 00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,512 What the hell? 400 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:48,847 Hey, what the hell are you guys doing here? 401 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,181 This is for mature people only. 402 00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:51,433 We got invited too, fat-ass. 403 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,767 Well, I guess nowadays 404 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,102 they allow any old schmucks into NAMBLA. 405 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,854 Fellow NAMBLA members, 406 00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:57,647 it is great to see you all here. 407 00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,441 It seems like we have finally found a city 408 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,442 that won't oppress us! 409 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,235 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 410 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,113 First and foremost, I want to recognize Eric Cartman 411 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,074 for putting us in touch with all you pretty young boys. 412 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,659 Thank you, thank you very much, thank you. 413 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,119 Now, I know that many of us 414 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,704 have already found partners in this fine city 415 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,581 and I'd like to take a minute 416 00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,374 to hear some testimonials from members. 417 00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:17,834 This is boring. - Yeah. 418 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,085 Hey, when are we going to get to some action, huh? 419 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,046 Oooh! - Ha-ha! 420 00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:23,298 Goodness, what a gift from God. 421 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,217 We'll get "to it" very soon, I'll assure you. 422 00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:27,510 But first, I'd just like to hear 423 00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:29,012 from a couple of you on your progress. 424 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,513 Yes, Patrick. 425 00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:33,683 I found a little eight-year-old named Butters, 426 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,186 he's a beautiful bright little boy. 427 00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:37,896 Well, I sure am, I guess. 428 00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,690 And his skin is as soft as fresh linen. 429 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,275 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 430 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,693 That seems kind of weird. 431 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,654 Well, my skin is "springtime" soft, I suppose. 432 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:46,780 Wonderful. 433 00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,323 And how about you Mr. Harris? 434 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,866 Well, I want to announce 435 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,743 that I may have found the dream boy of the decade, 436 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,996 he's sexy and sassy and full of spunk. 437 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:55,997 His name is Timmy. 438 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,667 Timmy! Tim-my? 439 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,502 Well, members, I know we're all eager 440 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,045 to get acquainted with our new partners. 441 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,215 So why don't we turn down the lights and start the dance. 442 00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,218 [light dance music] 443 00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:11,596 ♪♪ 444 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:12,889 Alright, I want these perverted bastards 445 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,516 all taken in, got it? - All: Got it. 446 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:15,934 Fellow NAMBLA members, 447 00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,394 as the South Park representative-- 448 00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:18,895 Hold it right there! - Nobody move! 449 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,230 What's going on? 450 00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,649 Alright, sickos, where are the children? 451 00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:25,151 What children? - This is NAMBLA, right? 452 00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:26,903 Yes. 453 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,571 "The North American Man-Boy Love Association". 454 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,281 What? No! 455 00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:32,659 We're "The North American Marlon Brando Look-a-likes." 456 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,662 Oh, crap, we've got the wrong NAMBLA. 457 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,622 Oh, damn it, I'm in the wrong place! 458 00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,499 Don't tell me that other NAMBLA 459 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,292 is actually in South Park. - You know of them? 460 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:42,711 Know of them? 461 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:43,753 We've been fighting with them for years 462 00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,255 over the rights to NAMBLA.com. 463 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,298 Yeah, those perverted bastards! 464 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,884 Wow, you guys really do look a lot like Marlon Brando. 465 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,594 Thank you. 466 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,679 Now, let's go get those other NAMBLA bastards 467 00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:54,180 before they hurt any South Park children! 468 00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:55,974 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 469 00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,268 And let's kick their asses for stealing our domain name! 470 00:16:58,393 --> 00:16:59,394 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 471 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,315 Alright, members, that's enough of that. 472 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,693 It's time for for us all to retire to our respective rooms 473 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,695 and get to know our new young boys. 474 00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,697 Alright! 475 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,241 Dude, being mature is boring. - Yeah! 476 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,243 Everyone come up and grab your room keys 477 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,745 and we'll head upstairs. 478 00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,626 [man singing in french] 479 00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,003 ♪♪ 480 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,714 [screaming] 481 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:28,965 Dude, I think these guys mean to have 482 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,467 sexual encounters with us! 483 00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:32,802 I know dude, let's get the hell out of here! 484 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,512 Ah! There's more of them, quick hide! 485 00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,933 Alright, Marlon Brandos! 486 00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,643 They've got to be here somewhere, let's try this room. 487 00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:42,896 Let's get those perverts. 488 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:47,442 Ah! - Sacre bleu! 489 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,818 Whoa! 490 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,570 Ahhh! Ahhh! 491 00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:51,571 Kenny, no! Leave me alone! 492 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:52,989 Mmm-hmm-mmm. 493 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,324 [grumbling] 494 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,826 Kenny! 495 00:17:56,951 --> 00:18:00,121 This time I will not drop the food. 496 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,623 Where's the boys? 497 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,667 Sacre bleu! 498 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:06,669 I think the boys went in here. 499 00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,213 Ah! 500 00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,632 [dog barking] 501 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,550 Maybe the boys are in here, oh, boys! 502 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:15,303 Ah! 503 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,554 Alright, you're under arrest! 504 00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,181 No, you've got the wrong NAMBLA again. 505 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,599 Damn it! 506 00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,142 Hey, we didn't try that room. 507 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,310 [bell ringing] 508 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,479 Sacre bleu. 509 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,855 Dude, we're surrounded by perverts. 510 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:26,898 They're all over the place. 511 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:27,941 Timmy! 512 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,275 What are we going to do? 513 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,819 Well, Cartman, you got everybody into this, 514 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,612 you have to figure out a way to get everybody out. 515 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:33,613 Yeah! - Uhh, that's fine. 516 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:34,364 I know how to get us out. 517 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,241 How? 518 00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,576 Well, look, those perverts aren't going to rest 519 00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,954 until they've made love to one of us, right? 520 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,039 So somebody is just going to have to go out there 521 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,083 and take one for the team. 522 00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:49,462 And I think in all fairness, it should be Butters. 523 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:52,382 Huh, well, why me? 524 00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:53,758 Now, are you a team player or not? 525 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,760 Well, sure, I'm a team player, I guess. 526 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,554 Well, Butters, there is no "I" in team. 527 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,222 You mean you expect me to go out there 528 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:00,849 and let all those horny old men 529 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,475 have their way with my fragile person? 530 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,310 Just what team is this anyway? 531 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:05,895 Just go Butters, we're running out of time. 532 00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,940 Oh, alright then. 533 00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,650 He's such a dumb ass. 534 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,652 Alright men, here I come. 535 00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:16,114 I'm ready to take one for the team. 536 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,825 Kenny, Kenny, I've had enough of your shenanigans! 537 00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,702 Ooh, one of the boys just came in! 538 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,204 I get him first! - What the--? 539 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,831 Oh, no! Ahhhhh! 540 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,211 Are you alright, Stuart? 541 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,504 Don't touch me. 542 00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,090 I've had my nuts broken, body poisoned, 543 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,758 and been made love to in the ass 544 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,719 by three dozen 40-year-old men. 545 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:41,181 I just want to go home and take a hot bath. 546 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,974 We've been after you for a long time, buddy. 547 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,309 Do you know your rights? 548 00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,603 Rights? Does anybody know their rights? 549 00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,813 You see, I've learned something today, 550 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:51,107 our forefathers came to this country 551 00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,193 because they believed in an idea. 552 00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,278 An idea called freedom. 553 00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,863 They wanted to live in a place where a group 554 00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,823 couldn't be prosecuted for their beliefs. 555 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,909 Where a person can live the way he chooses to live. 556 00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,286 You see us as being perverted 557 00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,704 because we're different from you. 558 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,040 People are afraid of us because they don't understand. 559 00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:10,251 And sometimes it's easier to persecute than to understand. 560 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,922 Dude, you have sex with children. 561 00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,715 We are human. 562 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,426 Most of us didn't even choose to be attracted to young boys, 563 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,053 we were born that way. 564 00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:21,512 We can't help the way we are, 565 00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,765 and if you all can't understand that, well, 566 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:27,310 then I guess you'll just have to put us away. 567 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:34,651 Dude, you have sex with children. 568 00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,110 Yeah, you know, we believe in equality for everybody 569 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,112 and tolerance and all that gay stuff, but dude, 570 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:38,988 fuck you. - Seriously. 571 00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:40,573 Alright, that's enough, 572 00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:42,742 you're all going to be put away for a long time. 573 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,495 Well, Cartman. - Well, what? 574 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:46,746 Don't you think you owe everyone an apology 575 00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:47,956 for bringing NAMBLA here? - All: Yeah! 576 00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,540 Alright, alright. 577 00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:51,626 I'm sorry I almost got you guys all raped, there. 578 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:52,752 And now do you still think you need to hang out 579 00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,420 with older mature friends? 580 00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:56,297 No, I guess you guys will blossom into maturity some day, 581 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,590 just don't take too long. 582 00:20:58,967 --> 00:20:59,842 Okay, let's roll. 583 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,845 [siren wailing] 584 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:09,143 Coo-coochie-coo coo-coochie-coo. 585 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,979 Our little angel, yes. 586 00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,647 Oh, he's so beautiful! 587 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,856 I know it's been hard on both of us, 588 00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:15,316 losing poor Kenny. 589 00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,235 But this knew baby kind of reminds me of him. 590 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,695 What should we name him? 591 00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,530 Well, seeing as though Kenny passed away, 592 00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:22,073 maybe we should name him... 593 00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:23,283 Kenny. 594 00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:25,451 Yes, Kenny is such a great name. 595 00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,704 My little Kenny, a brand-new Kenny. 596 00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:29,956 [gurgling] 597 00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:32,417 God, this must have been the 50th time this has happened. 598 00:21:32,542 --> 00:21:33,793 52nd. 599 00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,796 [man singing in french] 600 00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:44,804 ♪♪