1 00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:10,511 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪ 2 00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:12,388 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪ 3 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,973 Both: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 4 00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:15,850 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 5 00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:16,934 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪ 6 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,853 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 7 00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,688 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 8 00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,440 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ 9 00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:23,733 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪ 10 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,484 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 11 00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:28,946 ♪ [muffled] ♪ 12 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,281 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪ 13 00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:31,699 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪ 14 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,495 All: ♪ I walk hand in hand with Jesus ♪ 15 00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,290 ♪ Over at the park by where he lives ♪ 16 00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:44,253 ♪ I tell him all my problems and sometimes he tells me his ♪ 17 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:47,048 ♪ What a friend I have in Jesus ♪ 18 00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:49,759 ♪ I can say that honestly ♪ 19 00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:52,470 ♪ He's unlike all other friends ♪ 20 00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:55,097 ♪ Who really don't care about me ♪ 21 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,892 ♪ Amen ♪ 22 00:00:58,017 --> 00:00:58,934 Boring. 23 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,394 And now Mr. Mackey 24 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,855 will read his favorite psalm for us, Psalm 46. 25 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:06,567 "God is our refuge and strength," mkay? 26 00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:09,779 "a very present help in trouble," mkay? 27 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:10,529 [whispering] Hey, you guys, you want to know 28 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,031 what my favorite psalm is? 29 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,616 "it's a man's obligation to stick his boneration 30 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,242 "in a woman's separation. 31 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:16,452 "this sort of penetration will increase the population 32 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:17,703 of the younger generation." 33 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,830 "God is in the midst of her," mkay? 34 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:22,208 "she shall not be moved," mkay? 35 00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:23,626 [whispering] Wait, wait, wait. "It's a man's obligation 36 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,294 to stick his boneration in the woman's--" 37 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,712 "it's a man's obligation to stick his boneration 38 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,047 "in a woman's separation to increase the population 39 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,048 of the younger generation." 40 00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:31,092 [mumbling] 41 00:01:31,217 --> 00:01:32,718 No, no, it's her separation. 42 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,095 "it's a man's obligation to stick his boneration 43 00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:36,013 in a woman's--" - Boys! You are in church! 44 00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:37,389 Oh! 45 00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:40,142 "The God of Jacob is our refuge," mkay? 46 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,603 Thank you, Mr. Mackey. Hello, everyone. 47 00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:45,397 Today we are going to talk about Hell. 48 00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:47,441 [ominous organ music] 49 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:50,069 Hell is not a very nice place. 50 00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,738 Burning, searing flames, 51 00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:56,158 screaming, torture for eternity. 52 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,702 Once you are in Hell, you cannot escape. 53 00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:01,956 You live forever in horrible pain and burning agony. 54 00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:05,751 All sinners are there in misery, dying over and over and over. 55 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:08,879 If you be cast down into this black bog of stench, 56 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,589 then woe is thou, 57 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:14,301 for Satan has made it the most miserable place in the universe. 58 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:18,973 And he will be your ruler! Your ruler of pain and agony! 59 00:02:19,098 --> 00:02:20,391 [Hawaiian music plays] 60 00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,852 All: ♪ Oh, we're going to the hukilau ♪ 61 00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:25,729 ♪ The huki, huki, huki, huki, hukilau ♪ 62 00:02:25,855 --> 00:02:28,149 ♪ Oh, we're going to the hukilau ♪ 63 00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:30,568 ♪ The huki, huki, huki, huki, huki, hukilau ♪ 64 00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:33,195 ♪ Everybody loves the hukilau ♪ 65 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,738 I do. 66 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:35,990 All: ♪ Where the laulau is the kaukau at the luau ♪ 67 00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:39,118 ♪ We throw our nets out into the sea ♪ 68 00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,370 ♪ All the 'ama'ama come a-swimming to me ♪ 69 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,039 ♪ Oh, we're going to the hukilau ♪ 70 00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:46,709 ♪ The huki, huki, huki, huki, hukilau ♪ 71 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:49,378 Women: ♪ Oh, we're going to the hukilau ♪ 72 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,922 Men: ♪ The huki, huki, huki, huki, huki, hukilau ♪ 73 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,341 Women: ♪ Everybody loves the hukilau ♪ 74 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,719 All: ♪ Where the laulau is the kaukau at the luau ♪ 75 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,847 ♪ We throw our nets out into the sea ♪ 76 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,308 ♪ All the 'ama'ama come a-swimming to me ♪ 77 00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:04,810 ♪ Oh, we're going to the hukilau ♪ 78 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,563 ♪ The huki, huki, huki, huki, hukilau ♪ 79 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:11,400 ♪ Luki-luki-lau ♪ 80 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,152 Yeah! 81 00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,195 Ow! 82 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,446 [laughter] 83 00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:16,864 Great luau, Satan. 84 00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:18,032 Thanks. See you, Gary. 85 00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,825 Thanks for coming. Oh, bye, Marcia. 86 00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,493 Satan, a few of us are gonna go pound some brews. 87 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,245 You want to join us? 88 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,456 Oh, I'd love to, Mr. Matthau, but I can't. 89 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:27,541 Chris and I just moved to the west side 90 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,751 and we have to unpack. 91 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:29,752 Oh, well. Maybe next time. 92 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,170 Great Luau. Bye. 93 00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:33,631 [blood-curdling scream] 94 00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:38,052 [humming] 95 00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,012 Chris? - Yeah? 96 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:43,641 Did you, uh, see my boy-with-an-umbrella hummel? 97 00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:46,101 No, but there's still some boxes coming from the movers. 98 00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,269 Oh, okay. Thanks. 99 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,687 [doorbell rings] 100 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,689 Oh, that must be them now. 101 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,066 Just put the boxes by the-- 102 00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:55,486 Hello, Satan. 103 00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:56,862 Saddam. 104 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,156 Did you miss me, buttercup? 105 00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,492 No, it can't be. You're dead. 106 00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:02,534 I killed you. 107 00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:03,827 Yeah, you killed me. So? 108 00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:05,996 Where was I gonna go, Detroit? 109 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,958 Oh, no. Oh, God, no. 110 00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:12,002 A place of everlasting agony and pain, 111 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,337 Hell awaits all sinners 112 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,214 and all who do not accept Christ. 113 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:16,674 Children in this town 114 00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:19,176 have not been attending Sunday school after mass, 115 00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:21,136 and adults have not been coming to confession. 116 00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:23,514 If this does not change, I promise you: 117 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:24,974 you will all be going 118 00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,268 to the black pit of Satan's world. 119 00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:29,144 That is all. Peace be with you. 120 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:32,439 Well, that was quite an uplifting sermon. 121 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,066 Yeah. 122 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:34,858 Mom, we're staying for Sunday school. 123 00:04:34,984 --> 00:04:36,402 What? 124 00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,362 We have to go to Sunday school so we don't burn. 125 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:39,822 Yeah. I'll see you later, Mom. 126 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,824 Oh, now look at that. They're scared to death. 127 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:44,451 Hell is a very real place, Mr. And Mrs. Marsh. 128 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:45,744 I'm trying to save their souls 129 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,079 and the souls of everyone in this town 130 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,956 from the wretched lake of fire. 131 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,086 Come on, guy. Just let me in so we can talk. 132 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:55,963 I don't want to talk to you, Saddam. 133 00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:58,173 This isn't what I need in my life right now. 134 00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,591 Is that the movers, Satan? 135 00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:01,302 Uh, yeah. Yeah, it's just the movers. 136 00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:02,720 Oh, well, tell them 137 00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:04,013 I'm leaving their check on the counter. 138 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:06,348 Okay, Chris. - Say, look. 139 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,142 I know our relationship wasn't perfect, okay? 140 00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,560 I know that. 141 00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,353 I was too busy trying to take over the world 142 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,231 to give you what you needed, but I've changed, Satan. 143 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,399 Oh, like I haven't heard that before. 144 00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:16,942 Come on! 145 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,194 Can't we just go out for a burrito? 146 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,447 Me gusta burrito mucho! 147 00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,408 I can't, Saddam. I'm with Chris now. 148 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:25,659 Who? Screw him! 149 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,369 He can't pound your ass like I can. 150 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,538 Good-bye, Saddam. - Wait, wait, I'm sorry. 151 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,249 But, Satan, you can't deny what's between us. 152 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,585 You can try, but you know we belong together. 153 00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:37,880 My life is good now, Saddam. Chris treats me well. 154 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,965 You and I are through. Good-bye. 155 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:44,178 [exhales heavily] 156 00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:48,974 Aw, come on, guy! Give me a break! 157 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,895 Hello, children. 158 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,563 I'm Sister Anne, and I'll be teaching you 159 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,315 so that you can all receive your first communion. 160 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,942 Are we gonna go to Hell? - Well, hopefully not. 161 00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:01,028 That's why you're gonna need to receive communion. 162 00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,113 And as long as we get this communion thing, we're safe? 163 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,365 What if we haven't really done anything 164 00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:05,616 that horribly bad in our lives? 165 00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:06,533 Yeah, what if we hadn't? 166 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:07,826 It doesn't matter, 167 00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,661 because we are all born with original sin. 168 00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:11,663 Now let me explain how communion works. 169 00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:13,374 The priest will give you this round cracker, 170 00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:15,417 and he will say, "the body of Christ," 171 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,294 and then you eat it. 172 00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,880 Jesus was made of crackers? - No. 173 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:22,091 But crackers are his body. - Yes. 174 00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,050 What? 175 00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:24,176 In the Book of Mark, 176 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,803 Jesus distributed bread and said, 177 00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,429 "eat this, for it is my body." 178 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,848 So we won't go to Hell as long as we eat crackers. 179 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,058 No, no, no, no. 180 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,476 Well, what are we eating, then? 181 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,228 The body of Christ. 182 00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:35,229 No, no, no. I get it. 183 00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,647 Jesus wanted us to eat him 184 00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:38,273 but he didn't want us to be cannibals, 185 00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:39,608 so he turned himself into crackers 186 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:40,651 and then told people to eat him. 187 00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:42,444 No! - No? 188 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:43,946 I can't whistle if I eat too many crackers. 189 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,656 Look, all you have to know 190 00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:46,740 is that when the priest gives you the cracker, you eat it. 191 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:49,368 Okay? - All: Okay. 192 00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:51,745 And then you will drink a very small amount of wine, 193 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,372 for that is the blood of Christ. 194 00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:55,457 Oh, come on, now. This is just getting silly. 195 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,126 Eric, do you want to go to Hell? 196 00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:58,961 No. - Then stop questioning me. 197 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,380 But now we can have communion and not go to Hell, right? 198 00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,340 No, because before you can take your first communion, 199 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:04,842 you have to have your first confession. 200 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:06,552 Confession? 201 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:08,011 You'll be getting in the confession box 202 00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,555 with a priest and confessing all your sins 203 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,806 so that God can forgive you. 204 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,141 You kids will all have to go 205 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,600 to your first confession this Tuesday, 206 00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,018 so I want you all to go home tonight 207 00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:16,770 and think long and hard about all your sins 208 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:20,983 so that you can tell the priest everything. 209 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,026 [muffled] Oh, shit. 210 00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:27,656 Those were some great pork chops, Satan. 211 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,491 Yeah. 212 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,201 Hey, you, you've been acting strange all night. 213 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,412 What's up? - Nothing. Why? 214 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:34,830 Well, it's just that you've washed that same dish 215 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,123 seven times now, silly. 216 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,667 Oh, sorry. [laughs] 217 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,794 Come on, Satan, you know you can tell me anything. 218 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,004 What's up? 219 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:46,592 Well, Chris, Saddam showed up today. 220 00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:49,887 Oh, wow. 221 00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:51,305 Wasn't ready for that. 222 00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:53,265 He showed up spouting all kinds of things 223 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:56,018 about how he's changed and he still loves me. 224 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,394 I thought you killed him. 225 00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,938 Yeah, well, where was he gonna go, Detroit? 226 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,065 Do you still love him? - No, Chris. 227 00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:03,066 It's okay if you do. 228 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:05,068 Well, I mean... [sighs] 229 00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:08,238 of course there's a part of me that will always love him. 230 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,990 But I also know how abusive he was. 231 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,492 I'm much happier with you. 232 00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:12,826 Well, you know what I think we should do? 233 00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:13,952 I think we should all get together 234 00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,496 and just talk like adults. 235 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:17,039 What? 236 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,040 We're all grown men here, Satan. 237 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,333 I want to just go meet this guy. 238 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:20,709 No, Chris, you don't understand. 239 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,377 Saddam is fucking crazy. 240 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,630 I know he's got the whole "bad boy" thing going, 241 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:26,298 and I think that's what you were attracted to. 242 00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,175 But I can be a pretty rough tumbler myself. 243 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:29,384 [plate shatters] Oops! 244 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,719 Aw, butternuts! 245 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:31,470 [clattering] 246 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,559 Okay, let's see. Uh, oh, yeah. 247 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:38,685 There was the time we threw a fish 248 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,145 into the bus driver's hair 249 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,438 and she didn't find it for seven days... 250 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,439 Oh, yeah. Okay. 251 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,607 And then there was the time 252 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:44,733 we held that little first grader down 253 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:45,734 and farted on him for 28 minutes. 254 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,944 Right. I already got that one. 255 00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:48,403 Hey, dudes. What are you doing? 256 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,905 We're trying to remember all our sins. 257 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:50,697 Sister Anne told us we have to confess all our sins, 258 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:51,782 or else we're gonna go to Hell. 259 00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,075 What? 260 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,243 Have you confessed all your sins yet? 261 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,619 No! - Dude, he's Jewish. 262 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:56,286 He doesn't have to confess his sins. 263 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:57,871 Oh, good. I don't? 264 00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:58,705 Yeah, you're already going to Hell. 265 00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,457 I am not! - You are too! 266 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:01,833 Dude, this lady told us if you don't confess all your sins 267 00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:02,543 and you don't eat crackers and drink wine, 268 00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:03,544 then you go to Hell, period. 269 00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:04,878 I'm gonna go ask my mom. 270 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,588 Now, let's see. 271 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,173 What about the time we set Mr. Garrison's cat on fire? 272 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,800 Oh, right. That was mostly Kenny's fault. 273 00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:11,552 [muffled] What? - You guys! You guys! 274 00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:12,803 We just thought of something! 275 00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:14,263 What, Butters? 276 00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,139 Well, what about the handicapped kid, Timmy? 277 00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:18,141 Timmy! - What did we do to Timmy? 278 00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,686 No, I mean poor Timmy's gonna go to Hell. 279 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:21,979 He can't confess his sins, 280 00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,188 'cause all he can say is his name. 281 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,898 Timmy! - Oh, yeah. You're right. 282 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,942 I guess Timmy's pretty screwed. - Oh, man. 283 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,777 We can't let Timmy go to Hell. We have to do something! 284 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:29,820 [muffled] What are we gonna do? 285 00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:31,154 I don't know. 286 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:32,614 I don't know what we're gonna do. 287 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,827 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 288 00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,912 I can't deny my feelings for Saddam, 289 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,832 but my life is so much better now with Chris. 290 00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:44,793 [speaking gibberish] 291 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:48,005 Yeah, it's like Chris is so perfect in every way, 292 00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,756 but there's just something about Saddam 293 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,341 that I'm much more attracted to. 294 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:54,344 [speaking gibberish] 295 00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:57,431 In what way? [speaking gibberish] 296 00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:58,724 Yeah, you're right. 297 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:01,268 Saddam would just treat me bad again. 298 00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:04,396 I'm just gonna have to not see Saddam, put him out of my mind, 299 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,106 and focus on Chris. 300 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:07,691 If I don't see Saddam, 301 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,526 then I won't have such strong feelings for him. 302 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:10,611 Thanks, guys. 303 00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:11,612 [speaking gibberish] 304 00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,572 There you are. - Oh, hi, Chris. 305 00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:15,032 I've been looking all over for you. 306 00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,241 I have to tell you something 307 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,868 that might make you a little mad. 308 00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:19,119 What? 309 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,871 Well, I called Saddam Hussein 310 00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,372 and invited him over for dinner tonight. 311 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,249 You what? 312 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,834 I just think we all need to get this out in the open. 313 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,503 Oh, Chris! Rarr! 314 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,213 Rah! [screams] 315 00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,049 Come on, Satan, we're all adults here. 316 00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,884 He was an important person in your life, 317 00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,511 for better or for worse, so I want to know him. 318 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,221 If he sees that I'm a real person too, 319 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,766 then, well, maybe he'll see how happy we are together. 320 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:43,685 No, Chris, he'll try to kill you is what he'll do. 321 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,854 Satan, we're not in junior high school anymore. 322 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,522 Oh, dear God. 323 00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:50,984 Hail, Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. 324 00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,319 Blessed art thou amongst--" How was it? 325 00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,987 Oh, dude, you screwed me up! - Huh? 326 00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,864 The guy in there said I have to say 54 Hail Marys. 327 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,366 Now I can't remember if I was on number seven or eight. 328 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,034 Who's in there? - I don't know. 329 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,118 You can't see him. It's just some anonymous guy. 330 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:03,330 Well, here goes everything. 331 00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,999 Uh, forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 332 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,876 [clears throat] Blessed art thou, child. 333 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,753 Now, what do you have to confess? 334 00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,380 Well, let's see. 335 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,006 I'd like to start, if I may, back when I was 2 1/2. 336 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,008 It was a cold April morning, and the dew on the grass 337 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,718 was frozen like tiny beads of glass. 338 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,220 Hail, Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. 339 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,221 Bless-- [muffled] Hey, dude. 340 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,014 God damn it! - What? 341 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,265 Ooh! There's Sister Anne. We got to ask her about Timmy. 342 00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:23,725 Sister Anne... - Oh, Hello, children. 343 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,811 We have a question. - Okay, shoot. 344 00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,646 Where do handicapped people go when they die? 345 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,107 The handicapped are just people like you and me, 346 00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:31,400 so the same rules apply: 347 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:32,984 they need to be baptized, take communion, 348 00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:34,486 and confess their sins. 349 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:35,904 But our friend Timmy can't really talk. 350 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:36,988 All he can do is say his own name, 351 00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,448 so he can't really confess his sins. 352 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:39,825 So is he going to go to Hell? 353 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,785 Uh, this really isn't a question for me. 354 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,036 It's for the priest. 355 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,414 I'll see if I can find him. Bye. 356 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,457 And that was about everything from first grade. 357 00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,209 Then last year, well-- 358 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,628 you can't tell anybody about this stuff, right? 359 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,296 [clears throat] Your confession 360 00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:54,840 does not leave this box. 361 00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,008 Okay, because last year, I took a sandwich 362 00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,927 that the priest of this church had been eating. 363 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,345 Oh. 364 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:04,015 Well, I'm sure he would forgive you if he knew. 365 00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,517 No, but I'm not finished yet. 366 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,727 I took the sandwich that the priest was eating, 367 00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:07,728 took the piece of ham out of it, 368 00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,271 put it between my butt cheeks, 369 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:12,357 and then put the sandwich back and watched him eat it. 370 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:13,817 I see. 371 00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:14,776 Yeah, and then this other time, 372 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,486 I went pee-pee in the holy water thing, 373 00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,113 and the priest blessed himself on the forehead with it 374 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,406 every day for about a week. 375 00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,616 And then this one time, I was at the park 376 00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,160 and the priest was out walking his dog, 377 00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:24,995 and I went number two on the sidewalk 378 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,955 and then told Officer Barbrady that it was the priest's dog, 379 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,498 and so the priest got fined, like, $100 380 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:29,499 for not cleaning it up. 381 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,209 And then this one time, 382 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,295 I put super glue all over the priest's Bible-- 383 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,546 Ow! Oh, Jesus! 384 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,923 Oh! No! Ow! 385 00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,425 [muffled yelling] 386 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,093 Father, I need to talk to you. 387 00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,304 Father? I have to ask you a question. 388 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,098 Okay, okay. Fine. 389 00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:47,184 Ooh! Oh-ho! 390 00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:49,060 Dude, what happened? I felt it, you guys. 391 00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,855 I felt the angry hand of God. 392 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,774 He is an angry God, you guys. 393 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:56,693 We all have to start taking this very seriously. 394 00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,739 [doorbell rings] 395 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,949 Oh, Hello. You must be Saddam Hussein. 396 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,494 And you must be Mr. Assface. 397 00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:06,870 Just kidding. You're Chris, right? 398 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,538 Thanks for inviting me to dinner, guy. 399 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,248 Here, I brought you a potato. 400 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,625 Oh, thank you. 401 00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,085 Chris! No! It's a bomb! 402 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,129 Satan! What the heck is wrong with you? 403 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:17,881 Yeah. Hey, relax, guy. 404 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,174 We're all here to act like adults, right? 405 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,634 [bomb explodes] 406 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,552 Oh, gee, I must have overcooked it. 407 00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:24,679 Well, come on in. Dinner's just about ready. 408 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:30,519 [babbling] 409 00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,187 Very good, Ike. 410 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,314 That's two John Steinbeck books in one day. 411 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:37,442 Cookie monster! - Oh, he's growing up so fast. 412 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,152 Mom, dad, am I going to Hell? 413 00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:42,030 Why? What did you do, Kyle? 414 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,282 Nothing, but the guys said if I don't confess my sins 415 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:45,992 and eat crackers, I'm gonna go to Hell! 416 00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:48,078 Oh, no. That's just Catholics. 417 00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:49,996 Us Jews don't believe in Hell. 418 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,915 We don't? But what if we're wrong? 419 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,460 Well, Kyle, they could be wrong too. 420 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,087 Yeah, but if they're wrong, no big deal. 421 00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,923 If we're wrong, we burn in Hell. - Oh, no! 422 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,968 Kyle, it's all about being a good person now. 423 00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,886 You see, Christians use Hell as a way to scare people 424 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,388 into believing what they believe. 425 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,973 But to believe in something 426 00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,683 just because you're afraid of the consequences 427 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,101 if you don't believe in something 428 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,769 is no reason to believe in something. 429 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,521 Understand? - No. 430 00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:15,814 Well, you guys can do what you want. 431 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,148 I'm going down to that church 432 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,900 to confess my sins and eat crackers. 433 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,193 And I'm taking Ike with me. 434 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:20,986 Kyle! 435 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,366 So, Saddam, Satan told me 436 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,702 all about how you guys almost took over the world once. 437 00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,287 Yeah, those were the days, boy! 438 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:31,872 What the Hell is this crap we're eating, anyway? 439 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,832 It's all vegetarian, Saddam. 440 00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:35,750 Chris was a nutritionist before he died. 441 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:38,211 Ah, isn't that fascinating? 442 00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,213 So, tell me, Chris, how is it that you died? 443 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:43,008 Oh, well, I actually slipped on an escalator in a mall. 444 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,259 Those things can be pretty sketchy. 445 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,844 An escalator? 446 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,387 What kind of pussy way of dying is that? 447 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:50,515 Look, Saddam, I know that you and Satan had a relationship, 448 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,559 and I just want you to know 449 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,603 that I'm totally okay with you guys staying friends. 450 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,146 Uh-huh. 451 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,480 I think it's important to stay friends 452 00:14:57,606 --> 00:14:59,274 with people you had relationships with. 453 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,234 And I know that Satan and my relationship 454 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,862 is strong enough that it can handle anything. 455 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:06,406 Right? 456 00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:07,407 Right. 457 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,705 Father, the children asked me about their handicapped friend. 458 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,665 I want to explain to them that he's fine. 459 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:18,627 Well, has your friend ever confessed or been baptized? 460 00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,879 I don't think so. - Then Hell awaits him. 461 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,380 Father, these boys are really worried 462 00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:23,423 because they think they have to-- 463 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:24,716 They should be worried! 464 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,343 Boys, it is your Christian duty 465 00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:28,219 to save the souls of your friends. 466 00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:29,638 Yes, but-- 467 00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,139 Mr. Father, we have to ask you something. 468 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,807 Oh, you're the little Jewish boy, right? 469 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,309 Yeah. 470 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,602 If we're Jewish, are we gonna go to Hell? 471 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,062 Well, young man, you can rest assured 472 00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,897 that according to Matthew 25, 473 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,066 when you die, you will stand before God, and he will say, 474 00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,652 "depart from me, ye cursed, into the eternal fire 475 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,695 prepared for the devil and his angels." 476 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:48,156 Yes, as a Jew, your home will be the lake of fire. 477 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,741 Oh, no! - Father-- 478 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,160 I hope to see all of you in church this Sunday. 479 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,537 [together] We will be. 480 00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,373 Father, I don't know if I agree fully 481 00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:57,707 with what you're saying. 482 00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,417 I think that as long as Jewish people are good, 483 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,961 they will get into heaven. 484 00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:03,380 Sister, the Jews crucified our savior. 485 00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,632 I mean, if you don't go to Hell for crucifying the savior, 486 00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:07,634 then what the Hell do you go to Hell for? 487 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:08,927 Stan, you've got to help us become good Christians! 488 00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:10,303 Please! 489 00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:11,888 Alright, alright, alright. 490 00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:12,597 You heard the priest: the first thing we have to do 491 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:13,348 is get you guys all baptized. 492 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,349 Come on. 493 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,143 [gurgling] 494 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,230 Okay, you better baptize Kyle some more. 495 00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:21,982 Hallelujah! Wash away the sin! 496 00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,358 [screaming] Hah! 497 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,067 Turn around so I can clean out your ass. 498 00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:25,652 Cartman! - What? 499 00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:27,320 Dude, you just said "ass." That's a sin. 500 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:28,363 Oh, now you've said it too! 501 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,490 Oh, shit! Oh! - What? 502 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:31,366 Oh, dude, we got to go back to church 503 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,701 and confess again. 504 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,620 But what about them? - Uh--oh, I know. 505 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,580 We can use wacky water weasel. 506 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,002 Ah! - Okay, come on. 507 00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:43,378 Alright, come on! 508 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:45,880 Whew! Well, I don't know about you guys, 509 00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:47,674 but all that ginger made me tired. 510 00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,259 Yeah, I guess I should be getting back. 511 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,677 Good. I'll show you out. 512 00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:51,970 Nice to meet you, Saddam. 513 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,763 Have a safe walk back. - Yeah. 514 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,266 Thanks for the wheatgrass and twigs and stuff. 515 00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,435 Satan, that guy is a pussy! 516 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,061 He's stable, Saddam. 517 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,938 Yeah, that's what I said. He's a pussy. 518 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,898 Having stability in your life is a great thing. 519 00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,358 You should try it. 520 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:07,694 For some people, maybe, but you like excitement. 521 00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,154 I know you, Satan. 522 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:10,822 I'm very happy with my life now. 523 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,240 Here. 524 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,576 I'm at the Bargain Hotel on Monte Vista, room 16. 525 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,120 No, Saddam. I won't be needing this. 526 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:19,122 Oh, I know you won't, but just keep it just in case. 527 00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,373 It was good seeing you again, Satan. 528 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,541 Good night. 529 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,501 Good night, pussy! I mean Chris. 530 00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:24,669 Good night. 531 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,757 [phone rings] Hello, your excellency? 532 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,300 This is Sister Anne, the Bleeding Eyes of Jesus, 533 00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:31,801 calling from the United States. 534 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,762 Yes, I understand you wish to speak with the Pope. 535 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,096 Yes. 536 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,264 The priest here has been telling the children 537 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,974 some pretty radical things, 538 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:40,101 and I just wanted to see what the church thinks about Jews 539 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,895 and the mentally handicapped. 540 00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:44,105 Yes, well, the Pope is here, but please keep it brief. 541 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,399 He is very old. 542 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,568 Huh? - Hello, his holiness. 543 00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,820 I want to ask you about people with mental disabilities. 544 00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,655 Huh? 545 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:54,824 Do mentally challenged people go to Hell? 546 00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,243 Uh, what's that you say? Huh? 547 00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,496 Handicap. Mental handicap. 548 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,914 Be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be. 549 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,875 The priest here said 550 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,710 that people with mental handicaps might end up in Hell. 551 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:06,711 Is that true? 552 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,713 [belches] 553 00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:11,216 uh, be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be. 554 00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,929 Come on. This stupid light won't change. 555 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:18,181 Come on, hurry up. Hey, what are you guys doing? 556 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,808 We're going to church. 557 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:20,475 We sinned and so we have to confess again. 558 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,476 Us too. 559 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,394 We saw a picture of a naked lady. 560 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:24,646 We could see her whole beaver. 561 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,231 Yeah, if we died right now, 562 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,025 we'd have unclean souls and we'd burn in Hell. 563 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,110 Well, come on. Let's go. 564 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,654 [horn honks] oh! 565 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,158 Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! 566 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,160 He had sins that he didn't confess. 567 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,956 And he never took communion. He's doomed. 568 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,332 We got to get to that church before we die. 569 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,917 Yeah. 570 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:46,918 Careful. 571 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:55,218 Yeah. That's hot. 572 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,595 You take it. You take it now! 573 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,306 Chris, what are you doing? I'm just-- 574 00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,809 I'm just trying to be a little more naughty in bed. 575 00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,811 I know that's what you liked about sex with Saddam. 576 00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,855 I'm just showing you that I can be that way too. 577 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,565 Oh, boy. Uh-huh. 578 00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:11,818 Yeah, you like that, don't you, bitch? 579 00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:13,903 I'm a bad boy. 580 00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:16,114 Yeah. Take that. 581 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,449 Chris, just don't-- don't do that. 582 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:19,868 But it turns you on. 583 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,995 No, it just-- when Saddam did it, yeah, but-- 584 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,538 but what? Nothing. 585 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,915 I just--I'm just really tired is all. 586 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,585 Can we just please go to sleep? 587 00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,420 Chris, seriously, I'm just tired, okay? 588 00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:33,173 Okay. I love you, Satan. 589 00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:35,175 I love you too, Saddam. - Both: Oh! 590 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:38,011 Wha--oh, I'm sorry. I mean Chris. 591 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,888 It's okay. It's okay. 592 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:43,141 [stammering] I understand. I do. 593 00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,226 I just need to go get some air, okay. 594 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,895 [stammering] I'll be back really quick. 595 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,605 Yeah, sure. Okay. 596 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:50,857 Come on, hurry up! 597 00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:52,400 [knocks on door] Oh, no! It's locked! 598 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:53,818 What? No! 599 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,153 It can't be locked! We have to confess! 600 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,655 We have to confess our sins before we die! 601 00:19:57,780 --> 00:20:00,825 Hey, there's a window in the back that's usually open. 602 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,369 The confession box is over there. 603 00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:05,580 I'm first! I'm first! 604 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:06,456 Oh! [giggles] 605 00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:07,832 What the-- 606 00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:13,046 Oh! Son of a bitch! 607 00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:14,255 [giggling] 608 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:17,342 Uh, kids, uh-- - You're a sinner! 609 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,385 You're doing unnatural things in the house of God! 610 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,721 Oh, uh, uh-- 611 00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:25,892 Oh, forgive me, Heavenly Father. I have sinned against you! 612 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,685 Oh, this guy is so gonna burn! 613 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:31,231 Mrs. Donovan is a temptress from Hell. 614 00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:33,524 Dude, if this guy's going to Hell, who's gonna save us? 615 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,652 Well, it looks like we're gonna have to save Timmy, Kyle, 616 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:36,903 and everyone else in this town 617 00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:38,947 from the angry hand of God ourselves! 618 00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:44,327 Oh, the pain! Oh, the pain! 619 00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:47,330 [key jingles] 620 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,917 No. I can't. 621 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,963 What am I doing? 622 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,006 I know this is the wrong thing to do. 623 00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,174 I could lose Chris. 624 00:20:58,299 --> 00:21:02,470 I can't do this. I can't do this. 625 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,473 We have ah-repeatedly broken God's Commandments. 626 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,892 We have lived our lives for ourselves-ah, 627 00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:10,019 totally ignoring the laws-ah. 628 00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:12,021 If thy hand offend thee, cut it off. 629 00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,314 It is much better for thee to enter-- 630 00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,400 Oh, what the Hell are they doing now? 631 00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:16,985 Oh, no. 632 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:18,736 Into fire that will never be quenched-ah. 633 00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:20,405 Pamphlet? Pamphlet? 634 00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:21,990 There is only one answer. 635 00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:25,451 As kids, we must abandon this town of sin and start anew. 636 00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,704 I don't want to go to Hell. 637 00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:29,163 It will be a long road, 638 00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:31,958 but at the end of that road is salvation, 639 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:35,044 and I am going to lead you there.