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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
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♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
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♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
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♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
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♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
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♪ Timmy, Timmy,
liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
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♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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Okay, children.
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Step off the bus
and form a group
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next to the nice redneck --
I mean rancher.
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Hello, boys and girls.
My name is Rancher Bob.
15
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Let's all say hello
to Rancher Bob.
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[All ]
Hi, Rancher Bob.
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I'm pleased to show you all
the wonderful world of beef.
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Follow me.
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City kids get to go to museums
for field trips.
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We get cow farms.
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Now, out here,
you can see our cattle.
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This is where the magic begins
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as the cows eat, sleep,
and prepare for certain death.
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They look so delicious.
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Now, here we have
the slaughterhouse.
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This is where we turn the cows
into steaks and burgers!
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[All ]
Ew!
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Aw, dude!
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Anybody want a free sample?
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Me! Me! Me! Me!
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And in here, boys and girls,
we have our veal ranch.
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[ Down-tempo music plays ]
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[ Calves mooing softly ]
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You see, with veal, the whole
key is keeping the cows chained
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so they can't walk around
or get any exercise.
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That way,
their muscle tissue stays soft
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and makes for tender veal.
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Wait a minute.
Veal is...little baby cows?
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Yepper!
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Then why the hell
do they call it "veal"?
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Well, if we called it
"little baby cow",
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people might not eat it.
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Yeah! I wouldn't have!
- Uh, me neither.
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Oh, man!
Look at that one!
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It looks delicious!
- What?
46
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Mmm.
Succulent and juicy.
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Can we have a free sample
of these, too?
48
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Well, no.
49
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But all these veals are going
to the slaughterhouse
50
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tomorrow morning.
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They'll be steaks
by the afternoon,
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and then you can buy them
at your grocery store.
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All right!
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Tomorrow morning?
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[ Down-tempo music plays ]
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00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:09,463
Dude, we got to help them.
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Yeah.
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00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:16,762
[ Knocking ]
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Psst! Cartman.
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No! Uncle Jesse!
No!
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Cartman, wake up!
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What? What the hell
are you guys doing?
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Come on! We got to go!
- Where are we going?
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We're gonna go save
the little baby cows, fat ass.
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What? Why?
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'Cause they're gonna get
slaughtered tomorrow, butthole!
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So?
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So we can't let 'em die,
douchebag.
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00:02:31,569 --> 00:02:32,903
You're our friend.
Now, come help us.
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00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:36,073
Well, in the last 3.2 seconds,
you've called me "fat ass",
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"butthole", and "douchebag".
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I really don't feel much
like you guys' friend.
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We're sorry.
You are our friend.
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We need you to help us
because friends stick together.
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Wait.
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I thought you said we needed him
because he has
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the "Mission: Impossible
Breaking-and-Entering Playset".
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Damn it, Butters.
Will you shut up?
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Oh-ho!
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So you need me
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and my "Mission: Impossible
Breaking-and-Entering Playset".
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Yes, we do.
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We're those little baby cows'
only hope.
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Will you help us?
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Yes.
Yes, I will.
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If Kyle will kiss my black ass.
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00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:01,849
What?!
88
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,601
Just give it a little kiss,
and I'll help.
89
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Screw you, Cartman!
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00:03:04,727 --> 00:03:05,769
Okay, but if you want my help,
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00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:07,229
you have to give it
just a little kiss.
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Kiss it.
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Go on, dude. It's the only way.
- No!
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Kiss it.
Come on. Kiss it!
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Just do it really fast,
and we can go.
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Have Butters kiss it.
- No. It has to be Kyle.
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[ Insects chirping ]
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[ Farts ]
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Aah!
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[ Laughs ]
101
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Oh, man!
That was so awesome!
102
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Sick!
I felt it on my face!
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00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,084
Okay. Very funny, Cartman.
Now, come on.
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I'm not going with you.
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Aah!
- Hey!
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[ Spy music plays ]
107
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,551
I don't know about this, fellas.
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00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,385
It says right here
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on the "Mission: Impossible
Breaking-and-Entering Playset"--
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"Not for actual breaking
and entering.
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Breaking and entering
is a crime."
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Well, killing little helpless
baby cows
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should be a crime, too.
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How does this thing work,
Cartman?
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Jesus.
Don't you guys have any toys?
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First you put on
the black ski mask
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and use the torch
to cut a hole in the roof.
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[ Hissing ]
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[ Spy music continues ]
120
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[ Calves mooing softly ]
121
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Okay.
That's far enough.
122
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- I'm going to go delta.
- You have to talk louder!
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I forgot the AA batteries
124
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:09,708
for the Super Talk Play-Action
headset.
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I said that's far enough!
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[ Down-tempo music plays ]
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[ Moos ]
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00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,259
Don't be scared,
little baby cow.
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We're here to set you loose.
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There you go.
You're free!
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Run away!
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Go!
They're gonna murder you!
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Stan, could you hurry it up?
I'm freezing my ass off.
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You need to freeze
some of your ass off.
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At least I have an ass, Jew!
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What?
137
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Come on, you stupid baby cows!
138
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You have to get out of here!
139
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[ Insects chirping ]
140
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:42,658
What's the matter?
- They aren't leaving!
141
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,619
See? Maybe they want to become
sweet, juicy veal steaks.
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00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,538
Hey, they've never been allowed
to walk before.
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They just don't know how!
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Oh, yeah.
They're too weak to move.
145
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[ Down-tempo music plays ]
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We've got to get them
out of here.
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00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,545
We'll keep them
at Butters' house
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until they can get
their strength back.
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00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,131
No, no, no, no, no!
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00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:58,590
I can't bring calves
into my house.
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00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:00,384
I'll get grounded.
- Okay. Fine, Butters.
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00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:01,677
I guess you're not
a team player.
153
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,803
We'll bring them to my house.
154
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,014
Dude, how are we gonna move
23 calves to your house?
155
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,724
I don't know.
- I've got it!
156
00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:07,933
We could kill Butters
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00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,935
and then float the calves
on a river of blood.
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00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:10,936
Don't be stupid, Cartman!
159
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,313
Butters doesn't have
that much blood in him.
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00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:13,480
Yeah!
I do too!
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We're just gonna have to
carry them one by one.
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Come on, you guys.
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[ Grunts ]
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[ Spy music plays ]
165
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Check it out, you guys.
I'm calf curling.
166
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[ Calf moos ]
167
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,253
Man, these calves
smell like crap.
168
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I don't see how you're gonna
hide them much longer.
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We won't have to.
170
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Butters said he had something
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00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:41,967
that makes baby cows strong
again.
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He's bringing it over.
173
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,261
Butters had that at his house?
174
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:45,346
Hey, fellas!
175
00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:46,972
Butters, did you bring it?
176
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:47,931
I sure did!
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00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:50,100
We'll have those poor
baby cows in shape in no time!
178
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All right!
179
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,020
"Suzanne Somers Calf Exerciser".
180
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:53,937
What?
181
00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,940
"Makes your calves stronger
in just two days."
182
00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:59,401
Oh, God damn it!
That's your plan?
183
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,861
You think it's a gimmick?
184
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:03,364
Suzanne promises
right on the box that it works.
185
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,201
Hello, Mrs. Marsh!
186
00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:09,161
Officer Barbrady.
What can I do for you?
187
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,913
Well, we've got
a little problem.
188
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,623
Jed here caught your boy
and his friends
189
00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:14,083
trespassing on his ranch.
190
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,918
They stole some of his property.
191
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,753
Stole?
A-Are you sure?
192
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,339
I followed a calf-curling trail
right to your house, ma'am.
193
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:23,175
Ooh, Stan's in trouble!
Let me kick his ass, Mom!
194
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,219
N-Now, my son is not a thief.
195
00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:27,596
I'm sure this is just
some kind of misunderstanding.
196
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,768
Stanley, did you see --
197
00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:34,770
Oh, crap!
198
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,605
Stanley, what are you doing
with those calves?
199
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,607
That asshole was gonna kill them
and feed them to people!
200
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,359
Stanley, they belong to him.
201
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:41,652
They don't belong to anybody!
202
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,237
Please, Mom!
We don't want these cows to die!
203
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,238
Let me hit him, Mom!
204
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:46,031
Stanley, this isn't up
for discussion.
205
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,616
The rancher is going to take
his cows back,
206
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,244
and you don't have a choice.
207
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,581
[ Carol gasps, door locks ]
208
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:56,875
Stanley!
209
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,545
Stanley, open this door right
now, or you're gonna get it!
210
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:00,212
No!
211
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:01,964
Stan, you're behaving
like a kid.
212
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,215
You're the ones
who made me eat veal
213
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,299
without telling me what it was!
214
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:05,384
You're the ones who knew
215
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:06,969
we were making
little baby animals suffer!
216
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,470
Open this door now!
217
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,513
Kiss my ass!
218
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,598
Oh, geez.
He said "ass" to his parents.
219
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:13,308
You're getting in
pretty deep, dude.
220
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,353
I apologize for this,
Mister rancher person.
221
00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:19,106
Why don't you just tell them
that the cows will be safe?
222
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:20,774
And when they come out,
I can take 'em back.
223
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,317
I can't lie to my son, okay?
224
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,695
If I betrayed him like that, I'd
pay for it the rest of my life.
225
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:25,904
Well, that's just too bad!
226
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:28,115
Look, that's $800
worth of veal up there,
227
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,575
and I have to ship it out
Friday!
228
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,493
What are you going to do,
Officer Barbrady?
229
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,871
Me?
How'd I get into this mess?
230
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,415
So, what happens now?
231
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,208
I'm gonna lock myself in here
with these cows
232
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,210
until we have a guarantee
of their safety in writing.
233
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:41,712
We're with you, dude.
- Yeah!
234
00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:42,838
Don't be so sure.
235
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,257
Because I'm gonna tell you --
This is gonna get ugly.
236
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:46,341
Real ugly.
237
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:48,093
When all is said and done,
you could all be looking
238
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,471
at being grounded for three,
perhaps even four weeks.
239
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,890
So if any of you guys want out,
just say the word now.
240
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:54,391
I want out.
- Shut up, Cartman.
241
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,642
We're with you, Stan.
- Yeah.
242
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,811
We can't let
those little baby cows down.
243
00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,396
They've got no one else
to turn to.
244
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,273
Then it's settled.
One for all and all for one!
245
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,274
Except Cartman.
246
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:02,858
Yeah!
- Yeah!
247
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,151
Yeah!
Wait. What?
248
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,198
And so that's the situation.
249
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,241
Our boys have locked themselves
in Stan's room
250
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,577
until we can promise the calves
will live free, in writing.
251
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,120
Well, this is ridiculous.
252
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,747
I don't know how you raise
your kids,
253
00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:19,291
but my son does not play
negotiator with me!
254
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,375
Well, excuse me, Sheila,
255
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:21,710
but it wasn't that simple.
- Ha!
256
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,464
Give me 15 seconds with Kyle,
and I'll have that door open.
257
00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:28,884
Kyle, this is your mother!
258
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,386
You will open this door
right now!
259
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:32,513
No, I won't.
260
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,389
Yes.
I see what you mean, Sheila.
261
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:35,474
That was very impressive.
262
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,267
Kyle, if you don't do
as you're told,
263
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,269
I'm going to be very angry!
264
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,480
Well, you made me eat veal
and didn't tell me what it was!
265
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:45,025
So go ahead and be angry,
you baby-cow-killing bitch!
266
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,026
Very persuasive.
267
00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,278
Aah! Open this door!
Open this door!
268
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:49,947
Oh, let -- let me try.
269
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:51,490
Butters?
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
270
00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:53,325
Butters, this is your father.
271
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,202
Oh, sweet Jesus.
What do I do?
272
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:56,995
Be strong, Butters.
You knew it would come to this.
273
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,580
Butters, answer me.
274
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,332
But -- But Dad's a-angry at me.
275
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,167
Don't panic.
I'll tell you what to say.
276
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,794
Butters, right now!
277
00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:07,047
Dad, uh, why don't you
suck my fat one?
278
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,924
What?!
- [ Butters ] Oh, sweet Jesus.
279
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,634
What's gotten into them?
- All right, Stanley.
280
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:13,053
This has gone on long enough.
Your little game is over!
281
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,096
This isn't a game, Mom.
282
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,348
We're not coming out until we
know the calves will be safe.
283
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:17,266
Well, that's fine.
284
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:19,309
You boys can just stay in there
and starve to death.
285
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,728
Us parents are going to go
to Pizza Shack
286
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,814
and have pepperoni pizzas
and ice cream.
287
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,941
Oh, God damn it, you guys.
288
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,568
Cartman, stay away
from that door!
289
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,736
[ Stan's Mom ]
You'll have to come out sooner or later, boys.
290
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:32,656
The longer you wait,
the more trouble you'll be in.
291
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,242
Aah!
292
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:37,452
[ Sighs ] Round one is over.
We made it.
293
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,371
We didn't make it.
Your mom is right, douchebag.
294
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,998
What are we gonna do,
stay in here until we starve?
295
00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:42,291
Our parents would never
let us starve.
296
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,167
They're bluffing.
This is a battle of wills.
297
00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:45,919
If we hold out long enough,
they'll give in.
298
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,337
But we will have to sleep, dude.
299
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,047
Three of us can sleep
while one keeps watch.
300
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,465
We'll shift
every couple of hours.
301
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:53,051
Hey, this is gonna be
just like Vietnam, huh, fellas?
302
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:53,885
Whoopie!
303
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,596
We'll stay in this room
with these baby cows
304
00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,514
for as long as it takes!
305
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:05,355
[ Dramatic music plays ]
306
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,690
Well, we tried everything.
307
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:09,234
We can't get through the door
without tearing apart the house.
308
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,486
Dear God!
It's been over 13 hours.
309
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:14,239
Oh, but my poor little poopsie
must be getting so hungry.
310
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,866
Maybe we should get them
a little food.
311
00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:17,743
Ms. Cartman,
this is a battle of will.
312
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,412
We need our boys to know that
we're not gonna cave in at all.
313
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:21,788
Oh, all right.
314
00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,915
Let's just go to bed and
let them play their little game
315
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,167
for as long as they can.
316
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:29,504
Good night, fellas!
- Good night.
317
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,423
Good night, Patches.
Good night, Halloway.
318
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,258
Good night, Neptune.
Good night, Davis.
319
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,426
Good night, Bud.
320
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,136
Good night, Red.
Good night, Paulette.
321
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,387
Good night, Chastity.
322
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,390
[ Cartman ]
Butters, I'm going to kill you over and over again.
323
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:41,433
[ Insects chirping ]
324
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,061
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
325
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,481
[ Calves mooing ]
326
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:49,191
Can't go on.
327
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,567
Need...food.
328
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,903
I didn't realize hunger
made you feel so bad.
329
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,488
There's only one alternative,
you guys.
330
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:55,906
We're gonna have to eat a calf.
331
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,574
No, Cartman,
we're not eating a calf.
332
00:10:57,699 --> 00:11:00,077
All right! Then we're gonna
have to eat Butters.
333
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:01,244
He might be right, dude.
334
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:02,287
Aw, heck.
335
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,831
Wait.
What is that?
336
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:06,458
Dude!
- Food!
337
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,127
Ms. Cartman, what are you doing?
338
00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:11,630
Ooh, I just can't stand
to see my baby suffer.
339
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,840
Oh, dear God.
You've ruined everything!
340
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:14,591
All right!
341
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,301
See?
Now we can hold out for weeks!
342
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,053
Look, you guys!
Beef jerky!
343
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,138
- Yeah! And fried chicken!
- Wha--?
344
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,348
- Mmm!
- Mmm!
345
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:22,974
Dude, what are you guys doing?
346
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:24,351
We're eating, dude.
347
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:25,519
You're eating meat!
348
00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,437
What the hell do you think
we're doing all this for?
349
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,648
Hey, I'm doing it
to save little baby cows.
350
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,316
I'm not gonna stop eating meat
altogether.
351
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,442
- Me neither.
- Yeah.
352
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,277
If you don't eat meat at all,
you become a pussy.
353
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,238
That's fine.
You guys can live off of flesh.
354
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,698
But I'm never eating meat again.
355
00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,157
Go ahead.
That's more for us.
356
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,742
You want some beef jerky, buddy?
357
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:41,827
Yes.
Who's your buddy?
358
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:43,328
Who's hungry?
Who's a hungry man?
359
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,706
Dude, that's messed up.
360
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,755
[ News theme music plays ]
361
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,716
You guys, check this out!
362
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,384
Tom, I'm standing
in front of the house
363
00:11:57,509 --> 00:12:00,679
where four insane boy terrorists
have barricaded themselves
364
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,515
inside a room
with 23 live infant cattle.
365
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,599
Hey, look!
366
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,144
Some other kids are doing
the same thing we are!
367
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:07,769
[ Grunts ]
368
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,479
Several attempts
to break into the room
369
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:12,274
have proven unsuccessful, Tom,
and the crisis is intensifying.
370
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,900
Here's what some people
had to say.
371
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,318
We were just sleeping,
372
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,070
when suddenly we heard
all the commotion.
373
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:19,072
I mean, to think
this could happen right here
374
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:20,615
in our own community.
375
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,576
We gave those kids everything,
376
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:25,036
and they turned into
little John Walkers.
377
00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:26,747
The police chief of South Park
378
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:29,416
says that there will be no
negotiations with terrorists.
379
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,835
Oh, no. This is big-time
trouble now, fellas.
380
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,420
No.
This is exactly what we wanted.
381
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:35,130
It is?
- Yes. Don't you see?
382
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,757
This validates everything
that we're doing.
383
00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:37,758
If we're making the news,
384
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,092
this is obviously important
to people.
385
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,052
Tom, it looks like
I have an update.
386
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,305
Yes, it looks like
the boy-terrorist story
387
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,599
is not interesting news
to anyone.
388
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,476
Uh, nothing else
was going on, Tom,
389
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,728
so this was the only story
we had to make seem important,
390
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,480
but people are just simply
tuning out.
391
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:53,690
So HBC will now be
switching programming
392
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,985
once again to
"Puppies From Around the World"!
393
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,029
[ Bagpipes playing ]
394
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,031
[Asian lute playing ]
395
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,033
[ Violin playing ]
396
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,035
[ Men singing
in African dialect ]
397
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,037
[ Flute playing ]
398
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,206
[ Mandolin playing ]
399
00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:12,417
[ Mariachi music playing ]
400
00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:16,588
I don't believe it.
401
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:19,424
The Chinese puppy is my favorite
so far!
402
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,761
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
403
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:27,516
Butters?
404
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,309
B-Butters, you have your arm
around me!
405
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,311
Oh, sorry.
I thought you were Mr. Pickles.
406
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,396
MEN AND WOMEN:
♪ We must help the helpless ♪
407
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,690
♪ We must save the unsaved ♪
408
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:36,817
What the hell is that?
409
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,819
♪ For if we fight together ♪
410
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:40,779
♪ We can make sure
the road is paved ♪
411
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,906
♪ For a brighter tomorrow... ♪
412
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,658
Hippies!
- What are they doing here?
413
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:45,867
We are with you, boys!
414
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,578
Your message is real
and your fight is just!
415
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,163
[ Cheering ]
416
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:52,123
Dude, those gaywads
are on our side?
417
00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:53,875
Ew!
They're all dirty.
418
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:54,960
What did I tell you, Stan?
419
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,545
We saved some baby cows
from being eaten,
420
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,464
and now we're no-good,
dirty Goddamn hippies!
421
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,385
[ Newscaster ]
Tom, the calf-terrorist standoff continues,
422
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:08,181
as now members of the FBI arrive
to put an end to the conflict.
423
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:09,474
Oh, Jesus Christ.
424
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,934
Who's in charge here?
425
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,644
I am.
But I don't want to be.
426
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:13,854
Where's the negotiator?
427
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:16,398
Right here --
Glen Dumont, negotiator squad.
428
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,691
All right.
See what you can do.
429
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,276
[ Coughs, sniffles ]
430
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,820
- Dude, are you okay?
- Oh, I just feel so run down.
431
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:22,821
I don't know what's wrong
with me.
432
00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:25,031
- I've got these sores.
- What is that?
433
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:26,700
- Dude, maybe we should end this.
- No!
434
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,369
Get me a hard line to the phone
in that house.
435
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:30,495
The terrorists already said
436
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,247
there's no way
they're coming out.
437
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,748
Don't worry.
I'm a negotiator.
438
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,333
It's my job to talk
to freaks like this
439
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,960
and bring about
a peaceful resolution
440
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,920
using clever psychology.
441
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,006
- [ Telephone rings ]
- Hello?
442
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,633
Hello. My name is Mike.
I'm a negotiator.
443
00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:45,218
Is it okay if I talk to you?
444
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:46,928
Uh, hold on.
It's some negotiator named Mike.
445
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,471
What do I do?
- Don't give him anything!
446
00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:50,390
What do I say?
- Aw, give me that.
447
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:51,641
Talk to me, Mike.
448
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,935
I'm here to make sure
we can all end this peacefully.
449
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,228
You want that, right?
450
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:56,479
Sure, sure.
451
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:57,731
How about we make a trade
452
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,524
just to show
that we can trust each other?
453
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:00,609
What'd you have in mind?
454
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,445
Well, how about you send out
one of the calves?
455
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,363
Oh, Mike. You're breaking
my balls here, Mike.
456
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:06,823
Just one.
That's all we want.
457
00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,074
All right.
How about this?
458
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,826
You guys have all the leverage,
and we have nothing.
459
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:11,369
So how about we give you
one calf --
460
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,287
Cartman, no!
- Dude!
461
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,121
It's cool.
462
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,290
We'll give you one calf
if you'll give us
463
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,958
some guns and ammunition
of our own.
464
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,418
What?
I-I can't do that!
465
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,711
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought we were talking here.
466
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:20,962
But I guess you're not
talking to me. Goodbye.
467
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,672
No, no. Wait.
I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
468
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,841
Y-You're right. What reason
do you have to trust me?
469
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,135
I'm just a guy from Lakewood
trying to make ends meet.
470
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,970
Just a blue-collar guy
like your dad.
471
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,597
Don't have a dad, Mike.
That's not gonna work.
472
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:34,267
Oh. All right. Some guns.
I'll see what I can do.
473
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,145
Okay.
Up a little.
474
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,856
Left a little.
Almost there.
475
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:40,857
What is that?
476
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:43,443
We're giving the boys some guns
in return for a calf.
477
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,320
What?
- You're giving my baby guns?
478
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,572
Hey, this is a negotiation
process, okay?
479
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,324
Did you people go
to negotiator school?
480
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,492
No, you didn't!
481
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,243
Get 'em on the line for me.
482
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,995
[ Telephone rings ]
Hello?
483
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,039
Okay. You see that?
I keep my end of the bargain.
484
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,124
All right. We'll keep ours.
We'll send out one calf.
485
00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:00,585
Well, h-how about you send out
two calves?
486
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,088
Oh, Jesus! There's just no
talking to you, is there, Mike?
487
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,839
[ Moans ]
488
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,091
We had a deal.
Do you think I'm stupid?
489
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:07,425
Don't treat me
like I'm stupid here!
490
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:08,510
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
491
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,678
Damn it!
I'm losing them!
492
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,930
Okay. I'm sorry.
Just send out one calf.
493
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:14,140
Oh, no, no, no. Now you're gonna
have to get us something else.
494
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:15,225
What'd you have in mind?
495
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,896
A little to the left.
496
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:22,565
Okay. That's good.
A little to the right.
497
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:23,984
You're giving them a missile?!
498
00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:25,986
Stand down, ma'am!
Stand down!
499
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,571
This is a delicate process.
I've almost earned their trust.
500
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,490
Stan's getting worse, you guys.
501
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:31,491
[ Telephone rings ]
502
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,326
Mike. Babe.
- How we doing?
503
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:34,577
We got a real sick kid here,
Mike.
504
00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:35,787
Did you get the other things
for us?
505
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,956
I-I did manage to get the FDA
506
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:41,543
to officially change the word
"veal" to "tortured baby cow."
507
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:42,377
Good. Good.
508
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,754
But I couldn't get you
North and South Dakota.
509
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,007
Oh, Mike.
Breaking my balls, Mike.
510
00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:49,342
Now -- Now, please, can --
Can we get you to come out?
511
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,555
All right.
Everything has worked out.
512
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,265
The boys have promised
to come out
513
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:56,683
and bring the cows out
with them.
514
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,143
All right!
- Whoo-hoo!
515
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,937
I'm sorry I doubted
your abilities, Mr. Negotiator.
516
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,647
They're coming out now?
- Yes.
517
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,232
All we need to do in return
is get
518
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,651
a cattle-transporting semitruck
that will take the boys
519
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,236
and the cattle
to Denver International Airport,
520
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,738
where we will have
a fully gassed airplane
521
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,322
waiting to take them all
to Mexico.
522
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:11,990
What?
523
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,200
And they want the guy that
plays Mr. Worf on "Star Trek"
524
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,786
to drive the truck --
in full makeup.
525
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,163
Jesus Christ!
526
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:19,372
All right.
That does it!
527
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,499
You are, in fact,
the worst negotiator
528
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,168
I've ever seen in action!
529
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,711
All right. All right.
I'll give you that.
530
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,921
But in return,
I want three staples.
531
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:27,922
Get out of here!
532
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,174
We'll get them the semi,
533
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:31,176
and we'll get them the Worf guy
from "Star Trek."
534
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:34,054
If they see that, they'll come
out, and then we can take them.
535
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:35,430
But isn't that dishonest?
536
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,431
Maybe so.
537
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:37,932
But if we don't do something
soon,
538
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,893
there could be 50,
even 60 people
539
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,770
who'll have to go without veal
for dinner.
540
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,397
Are you prepared
to let that happen?
541
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,195
[ Indistinct talking on radio ]
542
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,072
All right.
Where is Mr. Dorn?
543
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:53,782
I was woken up
at 3:00 in the morning,
544
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,784
told I had to put on makeup
and come to this town.
545
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:56,910
What the hell is going on?
546
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,912
I'm sorry, Mr. Dorn.
It's FBI business.
547
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,331
We've got terrorists making
demands, and we need your help.
548
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:02,916
This is highly unusual.
549
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,209
All right, boys.
We have your truck.
550
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,878
And we have an airplane on the
tarmac at Denver International.
551
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:07,879
And Worf?
552
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:11,091
My name is Michael Dorn.
I play a character called Worf.
553
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:12,258
Stan, it worked!
554
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:13,510
[ Weakly ]
It did?
555
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,637
They got us a truck
and an airplane and Mr. Worf!
556
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,305
The calves are gonna be okay!
557
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,599
Pick me up.
I-I want to see.
558
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:25,814
[ Guns cock ]
559
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,899
Step back!
Tell those men to step back!
560
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,400
Do it!
561
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:30,902
[ Groaning ]
562
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,697
[ Cheering ]
563
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,366
Aw, shut up,
you friggin' hippies.
564
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,035
All right, Mr. Worf.
565
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,370
Start the engine
and put her in gear.
566
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,455
Oh, and you must refer to me
as "Captain".
567
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,124
Where am I supposed to drive to?
568
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:45,208
No, see, you must say,
569
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,043
"Captain, where am I supposed to
drive to?"
570
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,171
Captain, where am I
supposed to drive to?
571
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,965
You're going to back the truck
up to the door
572
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:53,383
so we can safely load in
the calves.
573
00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:54,843
This whole thing is ridiculous.
574
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:57,220
"Captain, this whole thing
is ridiculous."
575
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,848
Captain, this whole thing
is ridiculous.
576
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,725
[ Brakes hiss ]
577
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,310
Okay!
All set!
578
00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:05,979
[ Newscaster ]
Tom, it looks as though the terrorists
579
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:09,149
are now loading the baby cows
into the back of a semi.
580
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:11,734
This is still
very uninteresting news, Tom.
581
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:12,861
Okay, Cartman!
582
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,904
Step on it, Mr. Worf!
583
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:16,447
[All ]
All right!
584
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:17,782
We're going!
585
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,117
Mexico, here we come!
586
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,577
[ Horn blares ]
587
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:23,580
[ Sirens wailing ]
588
00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:25,874
Wait a minute.
They're following us!
589
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,250
Full speed, Mr. Worf!
590
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,711
We cannot keep going fast
on these icy roads.
591
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,338
"Captain, we cannot keep
going fast on these icy roads."
592
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:35,216
Captain, we cannot keep
going fast on these icy roads.
593
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:36,217
All right, Mr. Worf.
594
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,260
Then reduce speed to 45
595
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,095
but maintain distance
from those police cruisers.
596
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,056
Stan, we're almost there.
You've got to hold on.
597
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:44,058
[ Dramatic music plays ]
598
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:45,810
All right. They're in front
of the cattle ranch.
599
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,020
Hit it!
600
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:51,357
[ Tires screech ]
601
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:53,568
Oh, it's a double cross!
602
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,403
All right, boys.
The game is over.
603
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,030
Get out of the truck
with your hands up.
604
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:59,115
Oh, no.
No!
605
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,950
What are you waiting for?
Go kill them, Worf!
606
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:02,535
I'm not killing anybody.
607
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,787
[ Sighs ]
Some goddamn Klingon you are.
608
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:09,417
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
609
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,670
We're sorry, cows.
We tried. We tried.
610
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:13,671
All right, boys.
611
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,882
Just stay right there
until your parents arrive.
612
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:16,799
Can I go now?
613
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:20,511
Here you go, Mr. Rancher.
I got your cattle back for you!
614
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,764
Oh.
Well, it doesn't matter now.
615
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:23,765
What do you mean?
616
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,433
In the 24 hours
since the word "veal"
617
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,019
was officially changed
to "little tortured baby cow,"
618
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:29,562
the market has gone dry.
619
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,522
Seems when people see
"little tortured baby cow"
620
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,358
on their menus,
they don't feel like ordering.
621
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:34,025
Really?
622
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,693
Damn things ain't worth spit
now.
623
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:37,403
I'll let 'em live outside
with the other cows
624
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:38,571
and live a normal life.
625
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:39,948
You hear that, Stan?
It worked!
626
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,116
We've shut down
the veal industry!
627
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,326
Stan?
628
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:44,744
Stan?
629
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,081
He's very lucky you got him here
when you did.
630
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,541
He was in a very advanced state
of vaginitis.
631
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:51,876
Vaginitis?
632
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:54,045
It occurs when a person
stops eating meat.
633
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:56,464
Those sores on his skin
were actually small vaginas.
634
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:57,966
If we hadn't stopped it in time,
635
00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,592
Stan would've eventually
just become
636
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,511
one great big, giant pussy.
637
00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:02,637
Whoa, dude.
638
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,305
We've got an I.V.
of pure beef blood
639
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,683
pumping into Stan's veins,
and the sores are fading.
640
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,309
Thank God we stopped it in time.
641
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:09,769
Well, I guess
we learned something today.
642
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:10,853
It's wrong to eat veal
643
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,647
because the animals
are so horribly mistreated.
644
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,108
But if you don't eat meat at
all, you break out in vaginas.
645
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,025
Hear, hear.
646
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,777
All right, boys.
It's time to go home.
647
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:19,988
You've got some serious
grounding time to start.
648
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,198
I'll say!
- Aw, we're still grounded?
649
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:24,826
But -- But we -- we learned
things and took up a cause.
650
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,036
Yes, Kyle, but you still
defied your parents.
651
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:30,039
And you need to learn that
terrorism is never the answer.
652
00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:32,333
That's right. Let's get
these terrorists to their rooms.
653
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:35,086
But first maybe we can grab
some burgers.
654
00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:36,546
[All ]
Alright!!