♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
Okay, now, put on the nose, Tweek.
I can't! You do it! - Just stick it on!
But what if I put it in the wrong place?
Just put it between its eyes.
Aah! But what if, while I'm putting on the nose,
the snowman comes to life and tries to kill me?
Tweek, when has that ever happened,
except for that one time? - Yeah!
Hey, fellas! - Oh, hey, Butters.
How are things going with your new best friend?
Well, Tweek's okay.
But he's certainly no Kenny! - Aah!
Yeah, but he's still better than you, Butters.
Yeah. - Well, that's good.
Good luck being their new friend, Tweek.
Hopefully, you'll do better than me.
See ya, fellas.
Oh, man! That is way too much pressure!
You guys! You guys! You're not gonna believe it!
Uh-oh.
Everything's gonna be okay, you guys!
Life isn't so crappy after all!
It's not?! - No!
I was looking in this magazine,
and I found an ad for little ocean creatures
that you can buy and raise in your room!
No way.
Look!
"Sea-People."
You keep them in a big tank of water,
and they, like, build castles and play basketball and stuff.
Nuh-unh. - Yeah!
And look, they ride around on turtles,
and they play games with fish!
No way.
Okay, Kyle, you're being a Negative Nancy.
Stop it, okay, unless you want everyone
to call you Negative Nancy from now on.
Now, what we need is to all chip in $4,
and we can have them here tomorrow.
Only $16? They can't be cool if they're only $16.
If Nancy doesn't want to chip in,
then it will be $5.35 per person.
All right, I'll chip in.
Aah! Me too! - All right.
Butters, don't forget dinner is in two hours!
Okay, Mom. I'm just gonna be up here doing my homework.
Yes, by day, he's mild-mannered, sweet, and innocent Butters.
But...
nobody knows he actually has a dark underside...
Professor Chaos!
Ha ha! Time to wreak havoc on the world that shunned me!
[ Chuckling evilly ]
Professor Chaos!
Ah, my faithful companion in world destruction,
General Disarray. - I have done as you asked
and brought the first load of scrap wood.
Excellent, General Disarray.
Now we can begin my most horrible, evil plan yet
to wreak havoc on humanity.
What dastardly deed are we doing now?
Simple, my dear general.
We are going to block out the sun!
Whoa! - Ah, yes!
I have plotted for weeks
and figured that if we build a huge wooden shade
80 feet high and 50 feet wide precisely on this hill,
South Park will forever be cast in a great shadow!
Oh, awesome!
Soon, all people will have to live like moles!
They will live only to remember with sorrow
how great the sun used to be! [ Laughs evilly ]
Cool, it'll be just like on "The Simpsons."
Huh? - They did that
on "The Simpsons."
I think it was the Mr. Burns character.
He tried to block Springfield from the sun.
He did? Aw, heck!
I thought I was being original.
So, how do we build it?
Aw, I don't want to do it now,
not if they already did it on "The Simpsons."
I gotta think of something else.
God damn it, how come every time I think of something clever,
"The Simpsons" already did it?
Sea-People...
coming in the mail tomorrow.
[ Echoing ] Yes...yes!
[ Upbeat music plays ]
♪ Look at me, I'm livin' free ♪
♪ Free and clean amongst the Sea-People ♪
♪ We look for pirates and search for gold ♪
♪ Life is an adventure with the Sea-People ♪
♪ They don't ever complain, they don't call me fat ♪
♪ They don't make me do homework or nothin' like that ♪
♪ This is the way life was meant to be ♪
♪ Laughin' and singin', Sea-People and me ♪
♪ Sea-People and me, you guys ♪
Wow.
Only three more hours, Sea-People --
Only three more hours, and you can take me away
from this crappy Goddamn planet full of hippies.
Okay, I've added the water purifier tablet
to the Sea-People kingdom tank.
Now it says, "Step two...
Add the Sea-People eggs to the water.
You will see sea life spring instantly."
Okay, let's just run through this one more time.
When the Sea-People arrive, I will welcome them
to South Park as ambassador of Earth.
Tweek, you give them the key to the city,
and we'll all engage them in simple conversation.
We've got to make Sea-People feel comfortable, okay? Ready?
Ready. Let's see 'em.
Hold the sign up, Kyle!
Higher, Kyle!
Okay.
Here we go.
[ Water bubbling ]
Are they playing basketball?
What the fuck is this?!
Hey, these are brine shrimp. I used to feed them to my fish.
I got ripped off! - I told you, Cartman.
Oh, shut up, Kyle! Shut your Goddamn Jew mouth!
You people are why there's war in the Middle East!
And you, Tweek, why don't you learn
to button your shirt right for once?!
You're as bad as Stan with his stupid girlfriend,
always spending time with her!
God, I hate you guys!
They were supposed to take me away
to their underwater kingdom.
They were supposed to take me on adventures of the deep!
They package brine shrimp and sell them to kids?
That's not right, man!
What are we gonna do with them?
Who cares?! Throw 'em away!
Hey, let's pour them in the teacher's coffee
tomorrow morning. - Yeah, that'd be funny!
Heh heh, okay!
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[Ambulance doors close ]
[ Siren wailing ] All right, listen to me.
We must take a strict vow of silence.
Jesus Christ! We killed her!
Shh! Tweek! Shut the hell up!
[ Doorbell rings ]
General Disarray, are your parents home?
No. - I've done it, General Disarray!
I've completed my most horrible deed to date!
What? - You know that big statue
in the town square of pioneer John Wesley Powell?
I snuck over there with a hacksaw,
and I cut off his head!
[ Laughs evilly ] Yeah!
Oh...uh...
They're probably just realizing it now!
Quick! We must turn on the news!
[ TV ] But Hillary Clinton's ass
just keeps getting bigger.
Also in the news tonight,
a vandal has apparently cut off and stolen
the head of the Powell statue in the South Park town square.
Look! Look! I made the news! I've wreaked havoc!
The head was taken in the early morning hours,
and the police have no leads.
I finally made the world sorry!
I brought sadness and chaos!
This act, of course, reminded us all of the time
that Bart Simpson took the head of the Springfield statue
in one of their classic episodes.
Here's what some people had to say.
"Well, I think whoever took the head
was really just doing an homage to 'The Simpsons. '
[ Chuckling ] I think it's great!"
"Yes, it really made me reflect
on that episode and laugh."
"Well, 'The Simpsons' is such a great show,
and we need reminders like this to keep us watching."
Aw...oh, son of a bitch.
The police say that instead of looking for the missing head,
they'd rather leave it off
and be reminded of 'The Simpsons' every day.
Why didn't you tell me "The Simpsons" already did that?
You seemed so proud. I didn't want to bum you out.
Stupid "Simpsons."
[ Cartoon music plays ]
Hello, there, Phillip! I brought you something!
Ooh, what is it?
[ Farts, laughs ]
See? We're just watching cartoons, like always.
Nothing's changed. - Jesus Christ! She's dead!
Stop it, Tweek! We're pretending like nothing happened.
Phillip, I think I may have accidentally
killed Celine Dion!
[ Gasps ] Killing is never an accident,
you dick face!
[ Farts, laughs ]
Oh, Jesus. Change the channel!
And, in other news,
still no cause of death found
for elementary schoolteacher Diane Choksondik.
However, doctors say that during the autopsy,
they did find semen in her stomach.
They found the sea men!
It's only a matter of time before they find the women, too!
The autopsy is ongoing,
and cause of death has yet to be determined.
Oh, God! - We're dead!
Oh, Jesus! That's it, man!
I want nothing more to do with you guys!
Tweek, where are you going?!
They're gonna find you out, and when they do,
I don't want to be within 50 feet of you!
You're gonna fry, man! - Hey, Tweek,
you're in this just as much as we are!
What?! I told you not to put
the Sea-People in her coffee!
I wasn't even there when you did it!
Yeah, but you're our new friend,
and that makes you co-pee-able.
In fact, it makes you the most responsible.
Tweek, you might have to take the fall on this one.
Aah!
[ Crickets chirping ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, well, hello, there, children!
Chef, we did something kind of bad.
We don't know who else to talk to.
Oh, I'm sure your little cracker problems ain't all that bad.
Come on in.
Now, just sit down and take a deep breath,
and tell ol' Chef what's going on.
We need you to promise not to tell anybody.
Now, children, every problem can be worked out.
What was it?
We killed our teacher,
and they found our sea men in her stomach.
Oh, children, that's a problem we all have to face
one time or another.
Here, let me sing you a little song that might cheer you up.
♪ Sometimes you kill your teacher ♪
♪ And they find your semen in her stomach and the -- ♪
Wait! What the -- What?!
So, what should we do?
Wow, I guess this really is a big deal.
We've only got one option, you guys.
We're gonna have to go to that hospital
where they're doing the autopsy
and get our sea men back ourselves.
Aah!
I pulled out my hair!
Okay. How about this, Dougie?
I'm going to pose as a real-estate agent
and con everyone in town into buying a monorail,
and then skip town with all their money!
No? - "Simpsons" did it.
They did it in episode 204.
Okay, then I'm gonna start a website
to spread vicious rumors about everyone in town!
And then, I'll take -- - "Simpsons" did it.
I'll bury a skeleton wearing angel wings
so that the townspeople will think a fallen angel has --
"Simpsons" did it!
[ Crickets chirping ]
This is it. - All right.
Everyone scatter and look for the sea men.
Tweek, stay by the door and keep a lookout.
If you see anybody coming, say the code word...
"Hammertime". - Hammertime?!
Can't the code word just be "look out"?
I won't remember "Hammertime"!
Just remember the song "Can't Touch This,"
and you'll remember the code word.
Yeah, stupid. - Oh, God!
There's nothing here.
Dude, it's probably still in her stomach.
Is it her?
Yeah, it's Ms. Choksondik, all right.
What do we do now?
Just reach in there and get the sea men out of her stomach.
Oh, God, you guys are such pussies.
[ Squishing ] Huh.
Aah! [ Indistinct conversation ]
You guys!
Ham...Hammer...
I can't remember the code word!
- Can you see the Sea-People? - No, just a bunch of goo.
You guys! Uh...
♪ Dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, can't touch this ♪
- Ms. Choksondik stinks inside. - Yeah.
♪ Dun-dun, dun-dun, can't touch this ♪
♪ Dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun ♪
Stop. Hammertime!
Aah! - Quick, hide!
[ Indistinct conversation ]
Yeah, well, at least we got Shannon Sharpe back.
[ Squishing ]
All right, let's just leave the semen sample next to the corpse.
I want to run a hair fiber test next.
[ Sniffing ] Hey, do you smell children?
No, that's not...
Got it! - Let's go!
Blagh! Ugh!
[ Coughs ] Uhh!
[ Crickets chirping ]
Bring the World Cup to South Park
so that a huge soccer riot can destroy --
"Simpsons" did it! "Simpsons" did it!
Take all the beer cans in South Park
and have them shaken up in a huge mixer
at the paint store, so that they --
Episode 9F17, entitled "So It's Come to This."
Fine! Then maybe I'll just forget about destroying the town
and just run away and join the circus!
"Simpsons" did it. - Aah!
There, we just put the Sea-People
back in the tank with the others,
and nobody will ever know.
The blood is washed neatly from our hands.
All right, children,
I got you 4 tickets to Thailand and $300 cash.
It's gonna be tough living for a while.
You might have to do some things for money
you never thought of doing before.
It's all right, Chef, we got our Sea-People
out of the teacher's stomach,
and we put them back in their aquarium.
Wait, what? "Sea-People"?
The Sea-People that we put in the teacher's coffee!
Uh, maybe you better start from the beginning.
[ Crickets chirping ]
...and then we put them back in the tank.
Oh, children, you misunderstood!
Sea-People is different from se-men!
It is? - Yes!
That stuff that was in that vial didn't come from you.
It came from someone else!
I thought you children took turns raping
and then murdered the teacher. [ Chuckling ]
If they found somebody else's sea men in her stomach,
maybe they'll find our Sea-People, too!
Relax, children!
Drinking some brine shrimp can't kill you.
Your teacher must have died from something else.
Oh, really?
[All sigh ]
Aah! I'm so relieved! Aaah!
All right, you children have had a long night.
Why don't we all get some rest?
And on Monday, I'll sing you a song explaining the difference
between semen and Sea-People.
Come on, children, I'll walk you all home.
Okay, good night, Cartman.
Night, guys.
I'm so glad we're not murderers.
Ah, it's so great
that everything is finally back to normal.
[ Harp plays ]
[ Choir sings ]
You guys! Come quick!
You won't believe it!
Oh, no. What now?
Those sea men from the teacher's stomach
somehow combined with the remaining Sea-People
we had left in the tank, and -- Well, look!
Whoa!
How? How did that happen?
I've been up for hours doing some calculations,
and I've come up with my final theory of composite dynamics.
Sea-People plus sea men equals...
SeaCiety. - Whoa.
They've already accomplished so much.
They're like bacteria!
Small organisms live much faster lives
and do things at a much faster rate.
That's right, Tweek, and if my theory is correct,
all we need is to get more of the two reacting agents,
and we can really see them thrive.
Tweek! - Aah!
You go and send away for more Sea-People
from the magazine ad.
Get at least five gallons of them here, stat!
Stan and Kyle, you go find a bigger fishtank
to put them all in!
What are you gonna do? - Me?
I'm gonna go out on the town and find 10 gallons of sea men.
I have done it, General Disarray.
I've watched all 132 episodes of "The Simpsons" -- twice --
and I have finally come up with something
that they have never done.
Behold! This device that I made
will take the cherries out of chocolate-covered cherries
and replace the inside instead with two-month-old mayonnaise.
People will think that they are gonna get a bite
of a sweet, delicious cherry,
but instead, they'll get a mouthful
of yucky, sticky mayonnaise!
[ Laughing evilly ]
You've never seen this on "The Simpsons," right?
No, I think "The Simpsons" would be more clever than that.
Good! Then let us take my machine outside
and make society finally pay for shunning us.
Tonight on "The Simpsons, "
it's a laugh-a-rama when Bart builds a machine
that takes the cherries out of chocolate-covered cherries
and replaces it instead with mayonnaise.
No. No, no! It can't be!
Uh-oh, "Simpsons" did it! "Simpsons" did it!
No! No!
"Simpsons" did it! "Simpsons" did it!
Aah!
Don't have a cow, man.
Oh, sweet Jesus!
CARTMAN: [ Humming ]
Can I help you? - Yes, my mommy told me
this is where I could find some sea men.
Your mom told you? - Do you have them or not?
We sell semen, yes, but not normally to children.
What's your name? - Frances Bellman.
Frances, let's talk. I don't want a bunch
of bull crap from you.
You don't want a bunch of bull crap from me.
Right? Where does that get us? Nowhere.
The truth is, I'm completely certified
to handle sea men. And though I may appear young,
I'm one of the leading sea men authorities of the Midwest --
Up-and-comer. You know what I'm saying?
Have my own business soon,
and I'll need people to help me run it.
I'm talking about you, Frances, and I'm talking
about a six-figure income -- How's that sound?
Everything we supply here is by a quarter-ounce,
one donor, certified, on record.
I see, very interesting.
[ Pops ]
- What are you doing? - Let's take a look here.
Seems like quality stuff you got here, Frances.
Yeah, good texture, nice consistency.
Sea men must be alive and healthy in there.
I'll take five. - Five? Vials?
No, gallons. - We don't have that much here.
Damn it! Give me all you got then!
Aah!
[ Panting ] Aaah!
No! No!
"Simpsons" did it! "Simpsons" did it!
Aah!
Hey, let me on! Let me on!
Sit down and shut up!
Aah!
Butters, have you seen Mr. Hat?
Hello, there, children!
Aah! Nooo!
What the hell's wrong with him?
Look, the Sea-People have evolved
to an Egyptian-like culture!
Soon they'll discover frozen foods! Aah!
That should be enough water, Kyle.
You got the new Sea-People packets, Tweek?
Aah! - Well, drop 'em in!
And I've got the sea men.
Wow, that's a lot of sea men you got there, Cartman.
Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank,
and then I got the rest from this guy, Ralph, in an alley.
That's cool. - Yeah, and the sweet thing is,
the stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for it!
He just made me close my eyes and suck it out of a hose.
Heh! There we go.
Okay, now let's put the SeaCiety in its new home.
[ Sea-People screaming ]
Nothing to do now but wait.
Close your eyes and suck it out of a hose?
Uh-huh, suck it out of a hose, yeah.
Huh. - Huh.
Oh, my God!
Their tiny underwater civilization
has advanced hundreds of years!
Look! There's a library and a temple and a...
Oh...they think I'm God.
Yes!
I am god of the Sea-People!
You hear that?!
I am god of the Sea-People!
I am master of their great sunken empire!
Mom! I'm god of the Sea-People!
That's nice, poopie.
And in other South Park news,
elementary schoolteacher Ms. Choksondik's autopsy
has shown that the semen in her stomach
belonged to school counselor Mr. Mackey.
However, the semen apparently
did not contribute to the death,
and so Mr. Mackey's identity is to remain anonymous.
Hey, Butters! - Hey, Butters!
Aah! - Hey, what are you doing, man?
Cartman said he has something really cool to show everybody.
You got to come. - Cartman?
Ha ha!
Behold! You all see my tiny minions
groveling at my likeness!
I am Eric Cartman, God.
Hey! We paid for the Sea-People, too.
How come they're not making statues of us?
Be ye not jealous, Jew. I am creator of all things, yea.
That is very impressive, Eric.
What do you intend to do with your underwater society?
I'm gonna send a message to my people
and tell them to develop a great machine
that will shrink me down to their size
so I can live amongst them forever!
Aha! Aha-hah!
A-hah-hah-hah-hah!
What the hell is wrong with you, Butters?
They did that on "The Simpsons"! Ha!
"Treehouse of Horror," episode 4F02, "The Genesis Tub"!
Lisa loses a tooth, and the bacteria on it
starts to grow and makes a little society,
and they build a statue of her, thinking she's God!
Ha! Ha-ha-ha!
So? - Yeah, so?
Dude, "The Simpsons" has done everything already. Who cares?
Yeah, dude. They've been on the air for like 13 years.
Of course they've done everything.
Every idea has been done, Butters,
even before "The Simpsons."
Yeah -- In fact, that episode was a rip-off
of a "Twilight Zone" episode.
Really? So I shouldn't care if I come up with an idea
and "The Simpsons" already did it.
It...doesn't matter.
Everything is back to normal!
I think -- I think I can go back
to trying to destroy the world again!
Good for you! - Yeah, that's great, Butters.
Now get the hell out of my room.
I feel like a spring chicken!
I'm ready to wreak havoc once again!
Hey, look, everybody!
The other side of the aquarium is building another statue!
Hey, it's Tweek!
Me?! Oh, man! I don't want to be a god!
That is way too much pressure! - That is bull crap!
You better stop worshiping him, Sea-People!
[ Explosions ]
What's going on now?
The Sea-People from Cartman's side
are suicide-bombing the buildings on Tweek's side!
Aah!
Yeah! Go!
Now what's happening?!
The Sea-People on Tweek's side
just suicide-bombed the Cartman statue!
Oh, God damn it!
[ Whooshing ]
[ Sea-People screaming ]
Oh, no! Oh, the humanity!
Well, it was a nice project while it lasted, boys.
Yeah, but I guess this proves
that war is the natural order of life.
Why can't societies just live in peace?