1 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,013 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 2 00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 3 00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 4 00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 5 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 6 00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,106 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 7 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 8 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪ 9 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,612 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪ 10 00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,533 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 11 00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:37,038 [ Birds chirping ] 12 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,751 Throw it away, Clyde. 13 00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:43,669 I'm not gonna touch it. You throw it away. 14 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:44,670 What's going on? 15 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,589 Some high schoolers left a marijuana cigarette behind. 16 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,674 We have to throw it away before some kids find it. 17 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,676 So throw it away. - Nobody wants to touch it. 18 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,136 What if the residue gets on our hands 19 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,263 and it leads to harder drugs, like those commercials say? 20 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,806 Didn't you see that commercial where it says 21 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:57,558 if you have pot, you can become a terrorist? 22 00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,143 And the commercial where two kids have pot 23 00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,936 and the one kid shoots the other -- harmless? 24 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,897 Those commercials are just exaggerations. 25 00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:03,731 How do you know? 26 00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:05,357 None of us have ever had any drugs before. 27 00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,443 Well, I did ecstasy once. 28 00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:09,695 Me and my girlfriend took it, 29 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:12,406 and we stayed up all night having s-s-sex. 30 00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:15,409 Where did you have sex with her? 31 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,788 In her v-v-vagina. 32 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,750 Thank you. Thank you. What a terrific audience. 33 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,794 It's just a stupid plant that makes you dumb. 34 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:25,961 Touching it won't hurt you. 35 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,963 Then you throw it away, smart ass. 36 00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,757 Fine. I will. 37 00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:32,259 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 38 00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,514 There. See? I touched marijuana. 39 00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,224 I'm not a terrorist, I didn't shoot anybody, 40 00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:39,892 and I don't feel like doing more drugs now. 41 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,727 No big deal. 42 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,647 [ Thunder crashing ] 43 00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:49,527 You kids fucking don't fuck around with your fucking mom! 44 00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:52,488 Dad, we fucking can't! The be-da-feh-ka-fuck. 45 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,865 Stan, what did I tell you about watching "The Osbournes"? 46 00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:55,950 Oh, come on, Mom! 47 00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,577 It's going to make you retarded. 48 00:01:58,702 --> 00:01:59,578 It's just a show! 49 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,705 It doesn't have any fucking effect on me, for fuck's sake! 50 00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:03,916 Oh, goody. Now we can watch the news. 51 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,168 In other news, South Park police are still looking 52 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,921 for a crazy man who terrorized the town one hour ago. 53 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,506 The man claimed to be from the future 54 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,216 and ran naked through the city streets, 55 00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:15,761 screaming, "The past! The past! Oh, my God! It's the past!" 56 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,764 Which is what one would expect someone from the future to yell. 57 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,058 [ Doorbell rings ] 58 00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,812 Oh, my God! It's the past! 59 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,815 Oh, whoa, man! It's you! 60 00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:28,858 Who are you? 61 00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:31,569 It's me, Mom! Your son -- Stan! 62 00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:35,030 [ Dramatic music plays ] 63 00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,031 Who is it, Sharon? 64 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,825 Dad! - Dad? 65 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,119 Look, we don't know you, and you don't know us. 66 00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:41,704 Just go away before we call the police. 67 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,038 Who the fuck is it, Mom and Dad? 68 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,708 No way! It's me from the past! 69 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,959 I'm me from the past? 70 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,919 No. I'm you from the future. 71 00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:51,005 Oh, man. This is so messed up. 72 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,464 Okay. We've had enough. 73 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:53,757 Your name's Randy Marsh. 74 00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:56,343 You're a geologist, and you don't like chicken. 75 00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:57,970 Mom, your maiden name is Kimble, 76 00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,972 and you have a scar on your left knee 77 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,141 from when you slipped in the swimming pool. 78 00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:03,934 Randy, what's going on? 79 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,311 I don't know. 80 00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,813 Dude, just let me talk to you for like five minutes. 81 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,648 After that, I'll bail. 82 00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:14,862 I can still remember when I was 5 83 00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:17,823 and you both found that squirrel I'd been keeping in the closet 84 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,159 and you let me keep it for another week, 85 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,202 and then it ran away. 86 00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,870 But I know that's just what you told me. 87 00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:24,830 I knew Mom had actually let it out. 88 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,999 How could he possibly know all that? 89 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:30,169 Unless...he is our son from the future. 90 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,922 But why are you back in this time with us, son? 91 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,215 I have no idea, man. 92 00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,674 I was just about to go to sleep 93 00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,509 in an alley behind the crack house. 94 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:39,386 I shot up a little heroin, 95 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,513 and then this electrical storm started. 96 00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,683 Next thing I knew, I was running around in my own past, man. 97 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:46,268 I thought I was just tripping, 98 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,687 but then I came down, and I was still here. 99 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,106 Oh, dude, it's so bizarre! 100 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,484 Oh, dude, I should've never touched that marijuana. 101 00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:56,111 Stan, whatever has happened, we're going to help you. 102 00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:58,948 That's right. We're a family, no matter what time shift. 103 00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,616 Thanks. Could I get another beer? 104 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,910 You must be exhausted. Why don't you get some sleep? 105 00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:05,204 That'd be killer. Where can I crash? 106 00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,039 I'm sure Stan wouldn't mind sharing his room, 107 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:08,374 would you, Stan? - What?! 108 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,334 I have to share my room with my future self?! 109 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,460 Oh, no! 110 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,212 [ Mid-tempo introduction plays ] 111 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,381 ♪ Here we are, face-to-face ♪ 112 00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,132 ♪ My future self 'n' me ♪ 113 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,676 Stop it. ♪ So much alike ♪ 114 00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:19,969 ♪ And yet so different ♪ No. 115 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:22,054 ♪ One of us messy, the other one clean ♪ 116 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,056 ♪ Gettin' along isn't always easy ♪ 117 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,350 ♪ Sometimes we disagree ♪ Quit it. 118 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,435 ♪ But in the end, we know we're good for each other ♪ 119 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:29,478 ♪ Two peas in a pod ♪ 120 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,189 ♪ Future self 'n' me ♪ 121 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,525 ♪ Future self 'n' me ♪ 122 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,111 ♪ Future self 'n' ♪ 123 00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:39,738 ♪ 'N' me ♪ 124 00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:40,739 Hey, guys. 125 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:41,573 Hey. - Hey. 126 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,325 Whoa! Kyle and Cartman! 127 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,286 It's so cool to see you guys! 128 00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:46,912 Who's this asshole? - This is my future self. 129 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,580 He came during the electrical storm last night 130 00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,790 and is caught in a time matrix. 131 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,041 He's me when I'm 32. 132 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,167 Wow. That's pretty cool. 133 00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:53,585 But how does he know our names? 134 00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:55,337 'Cause, R-tard, he's Stan from the future. 135 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,588 He knows everything Stan knows. 136 00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:58,007 Oh. Wait. 137 00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,342 Stan becomes this douchebag? - Yeah. 138 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,262 I spent a lot of my teenage years on a slow downward spiral 139 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,431 experimenting with drugs and alcohol. 140 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,474 [ Laughing ] 141 00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,059 Shut up, Cartman! 142 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,811 That is so awesome! 143 00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:13,355 Thank you, God! Oh, praise God! 144 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,107 Hey, what happens to me in the future? 145 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:15,983 Oh, I don't know. 146 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:18,319 You guys stayed away from drugs, so you were okay. 147 00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:19,903 I just lost touch with you 148 00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:22,781 after I was sent to juvie hall in 2006. 149 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,950 Juvie hall! [ Laughs ] 150 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,494 Stan's a loser! Stan's a loser! 151 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,038 God damn it. 152 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,750 Thanks for staying after school and tutoring me, Butters. 153 00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:34,126 Well, sure thing, Stan. 154 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,378 But how come you care about schoolwork all of a sudden? 155 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,130 I told you, I can't stand my future self! 156 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,591 I have to do whatever I can to not become a loser like him. 157 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:44,053 Well, studying is the golden key to the imposing door of success. 158 00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,263 I can't stand having my future self around all the time. 159 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,431 It's driving me crazy! 160 00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,099 Maybe if I get smarter, I won't become him 161 00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,476 and I won't have to share my room. 162 00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:51,518 I know what you mean. 163 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,395 I hate having my future self around, too. 164 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,105 Yeah. It's like everything I do, he -- 165 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,315 Wait a minute. What did you say? 166 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,775 I said I know how you feel. 167 00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,318 My life has gone completely downhill 168 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:00,861 ever since my future self moved in. 169 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:01,904 I hate him. 170 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,614 All he ever wants to do is watch "Becker," 171 00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:06,492 and that show is so stupid. 172 00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,452 Dude, how long has your future self been around? 173 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,788 Oh, I guess it's been about four months now. 174 00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:11,872 Four months?! 175 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:12,873 You never told anybody 176 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,625 you were living with yourself from the future? 177 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:15,959 Nobody asked. 178 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,127 Where is he now? 179 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,629 Probably watching "Becker". 180 00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:21,465 [ Becker ] My name is T. Becker. 181 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,008 The "T" stands for "terrific." 182 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,594 [ Laughing ] 183 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,805 See? Here he is -- future Butters. 184 00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,306 Future self, this is my good friend -- 185 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,349 Stan! 186 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:31,642 Sure, I remember you! 187 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,977 Yep. Wearing that puffball hat, like always. 188 00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:34,978 Oh, hello, boys. 189 00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:37,147 Future Butters, it's time to take your liver medicine. 190 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,148 Liver medicine? 191 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,942 Yeah. My future self has a bad kidney 192 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,027 from all the drinking he did in high school. 193 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,779 I need to learn to behave myself. 194 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,741 Hey, where you going, Stan? 195 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,662 All right. Where's that son of a bitch's wallet? 196 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,580 W-What are you looking for, huh, Stan? 197 00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,457 Don't you think it's a little bit of a coincidence 198 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,501 that both your future self and my future self 199 00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,253 got caught in a mexterdexed time plane? 200 00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:01,380 We both got the same teacher for homeroom, too. 201 00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:02,798 You didn't say anything then. 202 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,008 Here it is. There has to be something -- 203 00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,176 Wait. What's this? 204 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:07,845 This expires in 2002. 205 00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,221 Why would he have this in his wallet? 206 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:12,224 I don't follow. - 3451 Colfax Avenue. 207 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,392 Come on, Butters! - Ooh! 208 00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,644 Are we off on an adventure? 209 00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:23,986 Here it is -- Motivation Corp. 210 00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:27,489 [ Beeping ] 211 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,491 I don't think we're supposed to go in there, Stan. 212 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,326 Maybe we should go adventuring somewhere else. 213 00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:32,578 Part of being on an adventure 214 00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,204 is you go places you're not supposed to go! 215 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:37,207 Oh! Well, you're good at adventuring, huh, Stan? 216 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:40,627 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 217 00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:45,466 [ Mouse clicking ] 218 00:07:45,591 --> 00:07:46,717 What the hell is going on here? 219 00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,260 It should take about a month 220 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,387 to achieve the results you want. 221 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:51,972 Well, Mr. And Mrs. Brooks, 222 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,266 I think you're gonna be very pleased with the results. 223 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,392 We sure hope so. 224 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,936 We just don't know how to talk to our son about drugs. 225 00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,438 Well, now you won't have to. 226 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,690 Ah. Here he is. This is Josh Cashner. 227 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,734 He'll be playing the role of your future son. 228 00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:06,069 Nice to meet you, "Mom and Dad." 229 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,988 [ Laughter ] 230 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,073 My goodness. He does look a little like Kevin. 231 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:12,034 Yes, and he knows all your family history 232 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,577 and every detail of your house. 233 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,413 And he's worked up quite a future for your son. 234 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,499 I'm going to tell him that I dropped out of school 235 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,083 and went to prison for eight years, 236 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,669 where I was sodomized -- in the ass! 237 00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,255 Ooh. That should get Kevin to stay clear of drugs. 238 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,465 It sure should! 239 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:29,176 So we'll put the fake news report out on Tuesday night. 240 00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,637 Make sure your son is watching the Channel 4 news. 241 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:34,306 Oh, and that's when you'll fake the electrical storm as well? 242 00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,266 Motivation Corp takes care of everything. 243 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,102 Just follow these simple scripts when your actor arrives. 244 00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:41,271 "Listen to me, you crazy person. 245 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:43,273 There's no way you can be from the future." 246 00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,983 Oh, this is going to be fun! 247 00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,486 I can't believe it. It's all a scam! 248 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:48,779 Yeah. I can't believe it! 249 00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,489 They've all been lying to us this whole time! 250 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,573 This whole time! 251 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,701 I wonder if my future self knows anything about this. 252 00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,540 Hey, maybe my future self remembers this happening 253 00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,208 a-and can shed some light on the subject. 254 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,417 Butters, don't you get it?! 255 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,002 Those assholes aren't our future selves! 256 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,129 Our parents hired them to make us more motivated! 257 00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,298 But then why did they come back to the past? 258 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,467 They didn't come back to the past, you dumb-ass! 259 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,678 They're actors! - Oh. 260 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,388 Oh. 261 00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:15,722 But that's like they're lying. 262 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:16,932 It is lying, Butters. 263 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,934 Your parents lied to you, and my parents lied to me! 264 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:19,935 Get it?! 265 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,895 Oh! That makes me angry! 266 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,856 Why, if Professor Chaos were here, he'd make everyone pay! 267 00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:25,774 Who's that? 268 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,192 You know -- Professor Chaos, 269 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,860 bringer of destruction and disorder! 270 00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:30,487 What? - Follow me back home, Stan. 271 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,824 It's time I let you in on a horrible secret. 272 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:37,536 Wait right here, Stan. 273 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,664 I warn you, you may not like what you're about to see. 274 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,500 We have to teach our parents a lesson, 275 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,503 show them they can't just play with our emotions like that. 276 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,380 [ Laughing evilly ] 277 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,508 Now you know my terrible secret! 278 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,676 You're gay? 279 00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,553 It's fine if you're gay, Butters. I don't care. 280 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,346 Huh? No. I'm Professor Chaos. I -- 281 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,931 We have to teach our parents a lesson. 282 00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:58,932 We're running away. 283 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:01,143 Help me find the perfect place to run away to. 284 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:05,564 Mm. Uh, maybe I used a little too much silver. 285 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,777 How about this? "Winter Park." 286 00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,029 It looks kind of nice. 287 00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:13,905 No. We got to run away somewhere warm. 288 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,282 Oh, look at this, Stan. 289 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,617 "Are you sick of your parents? 290 00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:18,660 Do you want revenge for something they've done to you? 291 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,121 Call the Parental Revenge Center of Western America 292 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,873 for a free consultation. 293 00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,207 Results guaranteed." 294 00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,376 Dude, I didn't know there was such a thing! 295 00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:28,128 Hey, look. Somebody lost their cat. 296 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:28,962 Uh, hi. 297 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,715 Is this the Parental Revenge Center of Western America? 298 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,300 I'm really pissed off at my parents, 299 00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,510 and I want to impose swift and horrible revenge upon them. 300 00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,846 Look. You can make your wiener bigger in just three weeks. 301 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,724 Oh, really? Okay. Where are you located, please? 302 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,185 Great. Um, can I come by tomorrow? 303 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,437 This lady will come and massage your wiener for $95. 304 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,605 That's a pretty good deal. 305 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,023 11:00 is great. Thank you. 306 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,024 That was easy! 307 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,108 I just go to their office 308 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,110 and they'll help me figure out how to get back at my parents. 309 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,321 I want to get revenge on my douchebag parents, too! 310 00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:56,281 Fine. You can come with me. - Hooray! 311 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,991 And then we can make our wieners bigger 312 00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,576 and have a lady massage 'em. 313 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,746 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 314 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,750 I guess this is it. 315 00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,545 [ Door closes ] 316 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,423 Uh, hello? We're here about the revenge on our parents. 317 00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,717 Yes. Come in, please. 318 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:16,551 Cartman?! 319 00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,720 Oh! Stan! Butters! I didn't know it was you guys. 320 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:19,846 What the hell are you doing here? 321 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:22,015 I'm running a business, Stan. Are you my 11:00? 322 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,434 You're the Parental Revenge Center of Western America? 323 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,936 I knew this was too good to be true. 324 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,187 Come on, Butters. Let's go. 325 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,605 So you don't want to make your parents suffer 326 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,482 and pay for mistreating you, then? 327 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,401 Look, I don't know what your parents did to you, 328 00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,903 but if you're here, I take it they pissed you off pretty good. 329 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,988 Maybe you should at least hear what I have to offer. 330 00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,824 We thought this was a legitimate business. 331 00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:40,409 And it is, I assure you. 332 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,577 I started this business over three months ago. 333 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,496 I've been helping children get back at their parents since. 334 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,331 How many parents have you exacted revenge upon? 335 00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,333 Craig's. And Clyde's. 336 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:49,918 Oh, and Kyle's, but that was a freebie. 337 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,503 Look, I run a legitimate business here 338 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,588 with state-of-the-art computers, charts, and technology. 339 00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:54,506 Look around you. 340 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,675 I know how it feels to be really, really pissed off 341 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,718 at your parents. 342 00:11:57,843 --> 00:12:00,053 And I will work hard...for you. 343 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,932 Our moms and dads lied to us about those future selves. 344 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,351 It was a trick to get us to not want to try drugs or alcohol. 345 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,394 [ Sighs ] God damn it. 346 00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,438 See, this is exactly why I started this business. 347 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:10,897 If a parent can't respect their child, 348 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,858 then who can they respect, huh? - Yeah! 349 00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:15,652 Parents understand one thing, and that's consequences. 350 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,654 They need to see consequences from their actions 351 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:18,864 or else they'll never learn. 352 00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,949 What my company does is inflicts those consequences 353 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,035 upon the parents in a very real and very direct way. 354 00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,454 How much is this going to cost us? 355 00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,456 $18,000. 356 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:33,170 How about just 387 easy payments of $199.95? 357 00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:36,590 How about five bucks? 358 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,969 So, everything is working out with your future actor? 359 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,471 Your son seems to be responding? 360 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,097 I think he's pretty scared, all right. 361 00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,141 It's just a little weird having to keep lying 362 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,350 to our boy like this. 363 00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:49,227 Well, you know what us ultraliberals say -- 364 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:52,147 "When it comes to children and drugs, lies are okay." 365 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,274 The ends justify the means. 366 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:55,859 Take smoking, for instance. 367 00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,694 The truth is there's no hard evidence 368 00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:59,279 that secondhand smoke can kill, 369 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,198 but we believe it's okay to lie about it 370 00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:03,200 as long as it gets people to stop smoking. 371 00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:04,618 Well, that makes sense. 372 00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,995 So it is with everything here at Motivation Corp. 373 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,121 It's okay for us to lie 374 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,624 and tell kids that all marijuana supports terrorism 375 00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,210 or that one pill of ecstasy is gonna kill them. 376 00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:16,963 It's not necessarily true, but the ends justify the means. 377 00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:20,175 I think when this is all over, our son is gonna thank us. 378 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,261 Okay, Butters. Let's start with you. 379 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,846 I think I found a great way to get revenge on your parents. 380 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,515 Tell me if I'm going in the right direction here. 381 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,808 What we're gonna do, Butters, 382 00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,768 is wait for your parents to leave the house 383 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,271 and then smear all the walls with poop. 384 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,357 Huh! That'll make 'em awful sore! 385 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,400 I want you to take a look at some of these poop swatches. 386 00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:38,527 P-Poop swatches? 387 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:39,861 Poop comes in a lot of varieties. 388 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,029 I want to find the perfect one 389 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,948 tailored to your revenge on your parents. 390 00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,449 Hey, that's neato, huh, Stan? 391 00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,243 Personally, I like the Baby Green. 392 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,536 But I also think that Classic Brown 393 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:48,870 would go nicely with your house. 394 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,997 Wow. You sure are professional, Eric. 395 00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,124 I don't know which swatch I like best. 396 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,918 Well, you know what we could do, uh, Butters, 397 00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,711 is go with the Baby Green in the living room 398 00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,797 and then maybe a Classic Brown or even a Nut n' Corn Crunch 399 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,674 in your parents' bedroom. - That sounds good! 400 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,843 Well, let's do that, then. That'll look nice. 401 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:03,885 Hooray! 402 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,680 Now, Stan, for you, I've put together a really nice design. 403 00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,057 I feel your parents were a bit more cocky about lying to you, 404 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,684 and your revenge needs to reflect that. 405 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,769 So what I want to do is put a note on your parents' door 406 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,688 telling them I'm the counselor from the school. 407 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,106 Yeah? - The note will inform them 408 00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:19,192 that a problem has come up and they need to see me right away. 409 00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:20,110 Yeah? 410 00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:21,570 Your parents will drive all the way to the school, 411 00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,613 discovering that no meeting is actually taking place. 412 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,240 Yeah?! - And while they're gone, 413 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,118 we're gonna smear all their walls with poop. 414 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,371 Wow! Neato! - That's not neato. 415 00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,247 That sucks. - What? 416 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,249 You're gonna smear Butters' parents' walls with poop. 417 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,167 I thought each revenge was unique and customized. 418 00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,003 Poop-smearing is a hot ticket right now, Stan. 419 00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,421 Have you seen the poop swatches? 420 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,672 Dude, that's not extreme enough. 421 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,173 My parents aren't gonna learn their lesson 422 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,758 from having some crap smeared on their walls. 423 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,135 I want them to see what they did was wrong. 424 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,845 I want them to have to admit they lied to me. 425 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:49,055 Okay. Okay. Fine. I-I just -- My first idea. 426 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,682 That's why we have these consultations. 427 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,726 Okay. Okay. Let -- Let me see here. Uh... 428 00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,144 Well, this is nice. How about this? 429 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,812 We'll lure your parents out of the house, 430 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:56,855 and then we'll kill them. 431 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,024 We'll cut them up into little pieces and feed them to a dog. 432 00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,025 Dude! - Extreme enough for you? 433 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,902 How's Wednesday? - No. That's too extreme. 434 00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,070 First it's not extreme enough, and then it's too extreme. 435 00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,614 - Where do you want it? - Just forget it, Cartman. 436 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,573 You don't know what you're doing. 437 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,909 I am a professional, sir! 438 00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,912 Don't worry, Butters. You're gonna be 100% satisfied. 439 00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:15,749 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 440 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:18,043 Hey, future self. - Yes, former self? 441 00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:20,045 You know that thing I've kept hidden in the hole in the wall 442 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,631 for two years that I've never told anybody about? 443 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,133 You know -- the thing that I take out of the shoe box 444 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,760 every night before I go to sleep? 445 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,261 Oh, uh... 446 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,888 You must know what I'm talking about. 447 00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,514 Sure. Uh... 448 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,934 Uh, oh, man. Could you all excuse me for a second? 449 00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,769 I think I'm gonna crap my pants. 450 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,481 Uh, Stan, don't you think you're upsetting 451 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,732 your future self a little? 452 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,943 Yeah, Stan. Don't be so hard on yourself. 453 00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:46,112 Mom, Dad, I don't think that guy is from the future. 454 00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:49,324 Oh. You -- You don't? 455 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,617 No. You know what I think? 456 00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,243 I think this is all an elaborate hoax, 457 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,578 and I think that whoever is doing it 458 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,163 doesn't have very much respect for me. 459 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,998 See, the best way to try to motivate somebody 460 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,167 is by being direct with them, to be honest with them. 461 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,919 I think the whole future-self thing is a lie. 462 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,463 And lies are never the right way to get your message across. 463 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,423 Well, you know what I think, Stan? 464 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,592 What? - I think he is from the future. 465 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:08,718 Yeah. He must be. 466 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:11,179 It's like I just feel he's our son, you know? 467 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,639 Right. That's mother's intuition. 468 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,015 You can't argue with that. 469 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,476 No, Stan. I think the only way you're gonna get rid of him 470 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,603 is by staying clear of drugs and alcohol. 471 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,563 Right. 472 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,120 Okay. Very nice. Very nice. 473 00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,080 Oh, wait. God damn it. Felipe! 474 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,081 The Classic Brown poop 475 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,582 is supposed to go in the parents' bedroom. 476 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,501 The living room is supposed to be all Baby Green poop. 477 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,503 ¿Qué? ¿La caca no esta aquí? 478 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,255 ¿La caca de moreno alta, sí? 479 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,007 Aquí es verde, señor! Es verde! 480 00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,383 Arriba! Arriba! - Sí. Sí, señor. 481 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,592 Bien, gracias. ¿Y tú? 482 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,219 Carlos! Carlos, no! 483 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,430 We want a textured effect on the Nut n' Corn Crunch poop. 484 00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,724 That's why we spackle with the sponge, see? 485 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,600 Spackle gently. La marrado. 486 00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,019 Gently, see? Marrado. 487 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,186 Sí, marrado. 488 00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,313 Marrado. Spectacular. - Sí. 489 00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,107 Oh, it's so hard to find good help. 490 00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,026 Ah! Butters. Like what you're seeing so far? 491 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,861 Boy, it sure is stinky in here. 492 00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,029 Well, 300 gallons of poop 493 00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,488 isn't gonna smell like a garden, Butters. 494 00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,948 But I think it's coming together real nice. 495 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,241 Look, Eric, I've been thinking. 496 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,368 My parents are gonna be awful sore, and I don't -- 497 00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,287 Yes. Well, then I've done my job, haven't I? 498 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,580 Pepite! Pepite, no! 499 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,665 No come la taco la trabajar! 500 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:25,253 Well, it's hard to find work in commercials, so I ended up -- 501 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,254 Oh, Stan. 502 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,923 Oh. Dude. How's it going, man? 503 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,634 Hey, you want to go upstairs and play hide-and-go-seek? 504 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:32,761 Hide-and-go-seek, huh? 505 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,138 Yeah. Stan, why don't you go upstairs and play with yourself? 506 00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:37,265 I don't believe that he's my future self. 507 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,434 But we can't be sure, so we better assume he is 508 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,853 and never try that first marijuana cigarette, huh? 509 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,439 No. I-I actually have a way to be sure. 510 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,024 I'm going to cut off my hand. 511 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,610 If he is my future self, then his hand will disappear. 512 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,111 S-Stanley, you don't need to do that. 513 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,571 He is your future self. 514 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,073 But I have to know for sure. 515 00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,240 Don't be silly, Stan. 516 00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,201 You don't want to go through life without one of your hands. 517 00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,244 Maybe it's the hand I smoked that first joint with. 518 00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:00,413 Here I go. I'm gonna do it. 519 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,748 Stan. 520 00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,333 Yes? 521 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:04,959 Uh, nothing. Go ahead. 522 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:05,919 Randy! 523 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,004 Aah! 524 00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:10,840 [ Screams ] Oh, my God! Look! 525 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:12,926 Aah! 526 00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:14,511 Why, his hand did disappear! - Oh! Oh, God! 527 00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:17,305 He is you from the future! - Oh, Jesus Christ! 528 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,431 Help me! 529 00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:20,433 That's weird, because I didn't really cut off my hand. 530 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,185 It was fake. 531 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:25,146 Uh, look. It was fake in the future, too. 532 00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:28,233 Looks like you better watch out for marijuana, huh, Stan? 533 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,611 Well, Butters, I hope you like the work. 534 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,822 I'm sure your parents will be plenty pissed off. 535 00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,448 And after my parents get angry, 536 00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,283 how do we get the poop off the walls? 537 00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:38,827 Ooh. Uh, that's a different company. 538 00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:40,036 [ Doorbell rings ] Oh, someone's here. 539 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,413 We'd better run out the back. Pepite! Carlos! Vamanos! 540 00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,415 B-But, Cartman, wait! 541 00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,584 Oh, Christmas. 542 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:47,961 Butters! - Oh! Stan! 543 00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,505 Butters, we've g-- Oh, God, it smells in here. 544 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,591 Yeah. Well, 300 gallons of poop isn't gonna smell like a garden. 545 00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,218 Butters, we're running away. - We are? 546 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,053 Our parents are never gonna admit what they did was wrong, 547 00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:58,096 and they're never gonna change. 548 00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,014 What the hell is this?! 549 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,766 Oh, my God! Our house! 550 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:04,144 Oh, geez. I'm gonna get it now. 551 00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,980 Butters! Do you have an explanation for this?! 552 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:09,315 Well, not really, sir. I-I just thought -- 553 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,442 Wait a minute, Chris. Don't you see? 554 00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:12,902 This might be our fault. 555 00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:13,903 W-- I-- 556 00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,655 My God. You're right, Linda. 557 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,032 This is what we get for deceiving our son. 558 00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,492 - Huh?! - Butters, listen. 559 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:22,745 The whole future-self thing, well, it was a dirty fib. 560 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,998 We just so desperately wanted you to never try drugs 561 00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:26,457 that we used a big scare tactic 562 00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,293 instead of telling you the truth. 563 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,795 We thought the ends justified the means, but they don't. 564 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,463 They just don't, son! 565 00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,174 [ Sobs ] 566 00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:37,010 We're sorry, baby. [ Sobs ] 567 00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:38,469 Get the fuck out of here. 568 00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,388 Stan! Stan! Oh! Okay. 569 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,391 Uh, y-you might be wondering why Butters has a future self, too. 570 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,144 You see, son, the time matrix pulled in more people 571 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:47,937 from the future -- - Oh, stop it, you guys! 572 00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:49,522 I know all about Motivation Corp! 573 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:52,108 All I've been trying to get you to do is admit you lied to me. 574 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,276 Oh. 575 00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,904 Well, son, we've just been trying to make sure 576 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,156 you know how dangerous drugs like pot are. 577 00:19:58,281 --> 00:19:59,574 I've been told a lot of things about pot, 578 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,326 but I've come to find out a lot of those things aren't true, 579 00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:02,410 so I don't know what to believe. 580 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,245 Well, Stan, the truth is 581 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,456 marijuana probably isn't going to make you kill people, 582 00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:09,000 and it most likely isn't gonna fund terrorists. 583 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,794 But, well, son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored, 584 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:12,921 and it's when you're bored 585 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,589 that you should be learning some new skill 586 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,217 or discovering some new science or being creative. 587 00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,260 If you smoke pot, you may grow up to find out 588 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,970 that you aren't good at anything. 589 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,139 I really, really wish you just would've told me that 590 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,140 from the beginning. 591 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,141 He's right. 592 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,019 If we use lies and exaggerations to keep kids off drugs, 593 00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,188 then they're never gonna believe anything we tell them. 594 00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,607 Well, there's only one person I can blame. 595 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,651 Motivation Corp. 596 00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:35,818 Oh, God! 597 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:38,488 Who smeared crap all over our walls?! 598 00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,990 Oh, Jesus! It smells! Oh! 599 00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,659 You really did a nice job, Eric. 600 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,118 Yeah. I got to admit you really came through. 601 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:44,953 Thank you. 602 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,996 I thought the Hangover Black went really nice in the lobby. 603 00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,916 Here, Eric. I cooked you a huge box of cookies as a present. 604 00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,084 Thanks. 605 00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,169 But, you know, all this talk about future selves 606 00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,713 has made me think maybe I should take better care of myself. 607 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:58,049 I mean, maybe I should think about who I'm gonna become. 608 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,468 Attaboy, Eric. You made the right choice. 609 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,178 Who the hell are you? [ Chuckles ] 610 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,681 It's me -- Cartman. You from the future. 611 00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:06,724 I came back to tell you that this is the day 612 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,184 you turn it all around. 613 00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,728 You stop eating junk food, you start studying harder, 614 00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,480 you stay away from drugs and alcohol, 615 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,234 and you become CEO of your own time-travel company. 616 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,070 Oh, wow! Really? That's so awesome! 617 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,155 Now I'll really work to be successful! 618 00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:22,115 Right on! 619 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,908 Go have sex with yourself, asshole! 620 00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,159 I'm not that stupid. 621 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:27,245 Just for that, I'm gonna spend my whole childhood 622 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,706 eating what I want and doing drugs when I want. 623 00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,374 Whatever! I do what I want! 624 00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:32,834 No! Wait! 625 00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:34,335 [ Electricity crackles ] 626 00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,963 Oh! God damn it!