1 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 2 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,806 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 3 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,599 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 4 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 5 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,604 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 6 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 7 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,401 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 8 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,529 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! 9 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:33,159 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 10 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,370 [Bell rings] 11 00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:39,040 Okay, children, let's take our seats. 12 00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:41,000 Did you take attendance, Mr. Slave? 13 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,501 All donesy-wonesy. 14 00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,587 Okay, let's all take out our math homework 15 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,172 and go over the problems. 16 00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,424 Math homework. Math homework. 17 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:49,967 Where did I file that? 18 00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:52,219 Oh, and by the way, children, there's a walkout 19 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,597 scheduled today to protest the war in Iraq. 20 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,349 So if you're against the war, run along outside. 21 00:00:57,475 --> 00:01:00,686 And if you're for the war, stay here and we'll do math problems. 22 00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:05,649 [Cheering] 23 00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,151 ♪ We got out of school ♪ 24 00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:08,611 ♪ No more school today ♪ 25 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,529 What should we do? - Let's go see a movie! 26 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,448 [Crowd chanting] No war! No war! 27 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:15,076 No war! No war! 28 00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:17,328 No war! No war! 29 00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:20,664 No war! No war! No war! 30 00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,458 No war, m'kay! 31 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,543 No war, m'kay! 32 00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:27,463 Oh, uh, here you go, boys. These will help you protest. 33 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,633 It's good to see that you care about peace, boys, m'kay. 34 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,593 No war, m'kay! 35 00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:35,012 Excuse me, boys. Tom Statsel, HBC News. 36 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:37,681 Can you tell me why you kids marched out of school today? 37 00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:41,644 Uh...war? 38 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,229 Right. What about the war? 39 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,816 I-It's...It's gay? 40 00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:49,944 Uh-huh, and what aspect of it do you think is most gay? 41 00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:52,655 Uh, no blood for oil! 42 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,907 Yeah, war is not my voice. 43 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,076 Bush is a nay-zee. 44 00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:59,662 Hey, all you un-American bastards! 45 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,915 If you don't like America, why don't you get out? 46 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,500 [All] Yeah! 47 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,418 Don't you call us un-American! 48 00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:09,672 This country was founded on the right to protest, m'kay! 49 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,173 [All] Yeah! 50 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,551 If the founding fathers saw you burning your flag 51 00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:15,302 and calling the president a Nazi, 52 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:16,846 they'd roll over in their graves! 53 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,347 [All] Yeah! 54 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,767 The founding fathers would agree with our right to protest. 55 00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:24,603 The founding fathers would kick all your asses! 56 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,439 Boys, what do you think the founding fathers would say? 57 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,526 T-The foggy who? 58 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,778 [All shouting] 59 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,407 Well, I hope you little commies 60 00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:37,908 are pretty pleased with yourselves -- 61 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,702 going out there and protesting America 62 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,996 and then saying on national television 63 00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:44,415 that you don't even know who the founding fathers are! 64 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,334 You kids don't know squat about America, do you?! 65 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,713 W-Well, not really, no. 66 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,006 Well, that's just jingles, 67 00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,383 because I'm assigning all you little flag burners 68 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:58,053 a full report on 1776 and the founding fathers! 69 00:02:58,179 --> 00:02:58,888 [All] Aw! 70 00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:01,348 Shut up! I want you all in your study groups of four. 71 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,142 And if you can't give an outstanding report 72 00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:04,768 on what the founding fathers would have to say 73 00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:08,439 about all this protesting, then it's F's for you! 74 00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:10,482 [Bell rings] 75 00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:15,279 Ugh. 76 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,157 Uh-ugh. 77 00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:20,618 I can't do it. 78 00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:22,620 This is way too much material for a 9-year-old. 79 00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:24,914 [Yawns, smacks lips] 80 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,248 Oh, no, you don't, Cartman! 81 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,583 Every time we get put in a study group, 82 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,585 you sit on ass while the rest of us do all the work! 83 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,295 But you guys are such better studiers than me. 84 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,463 I know you can pull it off. 85 00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:34,632 You're gonna read this stuff and study like the rest of us! 86 00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:36,425 Myaaa! 87 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,927 M-M-Myaaa! 88 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,012 Shut up and study! 89 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,765 Myaaaa! Mya, mya. 90 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,393 [Whimpering] 91 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,731 [Groaning] 92 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,193 [Sighs] 93 00:03:56,403 --> 00:04:00,950 Hmm, 1776, when our founding fathers created America. 94 00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,577 I wonder what it used to be like in those days... 95 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,120 in those days... 96 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,623 in those days...in those days. 97 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,832 What are you doing? 98 00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:10,459 I'm trying to have a flashback. 99 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,168 A mrph? 100 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,419 You know, if I have a flashback, 101 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:15,172 then I can see what 1776 was like firsthand. 102 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:16,465 No, you just have to study. 103 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,968 No. I've seen this work before. Just give me a second. 104 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,427 Oh, okay, okay. How about this? 105 00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:23,138 Say, guys, 1776 was so long ago. 106 00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,516 I wonder what life would have been like back then... 107 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,685 back then...back then... 108 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,019 back then. 109 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,272 [Choir vocalizing] 110 00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:36,151 Uh...Oh, wait, wait. I know, I know. 111 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:39,488 You know, guys, I don't even care about 1776. 112 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,656 It was so long ago 113 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,825 that I don't think it has anything to do with me... 114 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,285 with me... 115 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,328 with -- anything to do with me... 116 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:47,454 with me. 117 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:48,956 That isn't gonna work, dumbass! 118 00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:51,500 Kids, let's keep it down for study groups 119 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,169 or else Mr. Garrison's going to punish me. 120 00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:56,338 Just face it, Cartman. You're gonna have to study! 121 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,756 Myaaa! 122 00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,550 M-M-M-Myaaa! 123 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:02,594 [Dramatic music plays] 124 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,013 There. All finished. 125 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:07,099 From now on, this is the pro-war side of town, 126 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:09,768 and that's the unpatriotic side. 127 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,270 Yeah! - That's right! 128 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,897 How about we call this the rational side of town 129 00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:15,899 and that the redneck side?! 130 00:05:16,025 --> 00:05:17,026 [Laughter] 131 00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,111 You just keep all your flag burning 132 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:22,364 and your hippie-rock protest songs on your side of the town! 133 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:23,741 Hey, wait a minute. 134 00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:25,826 Your side of town has the post office. 135 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,953 Well, your side has the grocery store. 136 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,205 You can come to our side of town to use the post office 137 00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:32,541 if we can go to your side to use the grocery store. 138 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,336 Uh, can we cross the line to take our kids to school? 139 00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:37,379 Well, naturally, you can cross the line for that, 140 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,132 just like we can cross the line for hardware supplies, gas, 141 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,342 and pharmaceutical needs. 142 00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:42,593 Yeah, okay. - That's good. 143 00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:45,596 Hey, everybody, this is never gonna work. 144 00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:46,889 Don't you see? 145 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:50,100 All this dividin' up the town -- It's just ridiculous. 146 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,061 What we really should be doing 147 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:55,564 is just beating the hell out of each other like we were. 148 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,400 He's right. Boy, do I feel like a fool. 149 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:01,487 [All shouting] 150 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:03,572 Cartman, what the hell are you doing? 151 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,574 You're supposed to be studying! - That's what I'm doing. 152 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,326 I'm about to find out all about what happened 153 00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:09,161 back in 1776. - How? 154 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,205 All I have to do is be thinking about American history 155 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,373 when I walk through this doorway. 156 00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:14,708 I'll trip the rope, causing the rock to fall on my head, 157 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,085 and then I will have a flashback 158 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,669 to the times of our founding fathers! 159 00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:20,047 Cartman, you are hereby declared a full-fledged retard. 160 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:21,757 Make fun of me all you want, Kyle, 161 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,008 but I will have the last laugh. 162 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,843 Gentlemen, if you will clear the doorway, please. 163 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,391 [Clears throat] 164 00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:34,728 Oh, gee, I wonder what it used to be like in the year 1776. 165 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:35,938 [Grunts] 166 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:39,942 Derh. 167 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,068 Derh... 168 00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:42,444 Cartman? 169 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:43,737 Cartman! 170 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:45,531 Benjamin Franklin? 171 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,157 No, turd pants, it's Kyle! 172 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,242 Kyle. 173 00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:52,913 Get out of my flashback, you goddamn Jew. 174 00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:56,625 [All] Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! 175 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,711 Okay, people. What are we rabbling about now? 176 00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:01,088 Mayor, our peace rally 177 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:02,965 has always been set for this Saturday. 178 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,967 And now these pro-war bastards 179 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,428 are suddenly trying to say they get the town square. 180 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:08,804 That's bull crap, Mayor! 181 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:12,474 Our rally to support the war was set up months ago. 182 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,351 There was no war months ago! 183 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:17,479 Hey, if you don't like America, then you can get out! 184 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,647 Look, nobody wants to hear 185 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,692 a bunch of twangy-country-music, pro-war propaganda. 186 00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:24,611 Nobody wants to hear a bunch of rock protest songs! 187 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:25,821 Yeah! - Yeah! 188 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,197 Up yours, rednecks! 189 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,490 [All] Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! 190 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,785 Quiet, people! The town square is public space. 191 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:32,870 That means if neither group 192 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:35,372 will nicely and maturely move the day of its rally, 193 00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:38,208 I'll just have to give the town square to both groups. 194 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,501 All right! That's fine! 195 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,588 Because our war-support songs will be a thousand times better! 196 00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:44,548 Oh, you think so? Bring the shizzle. 197 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,717 We'll trizzle the shizzle all over the hizzle. 198 00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,302 Yeah? See you Saturday, 199 00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:52,097 McKizzer shanizzernilla shazz beyaznatch kazizza. 200 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,308 Cartman? - Cartman? 201 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,643 You better be studying, God damn it. 202 00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:58,896 Ah, Stan, Kyle, Kenny. You're just in time. 203 00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,314 Oh, no. - Oh, yes! 204 00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,607 I am just about to flash back 205 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:03,025 to the days of our founding fathers. 206 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,443 Cartman, you're supposed to be studying! 207 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:05,444 What the hell is all this? 208 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,279 I have programmed TiVo to record over 50 hours 209 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:08,280 of the History Channel. 210 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,656 When TiVo is full, both TiVo and I 211 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:10,657 will be dropped into the water, 212 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:11,950 combining our electro-whatever fields 213 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,702 and sending me into a flashback of history. 214 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,038 Uh, Cartman, I think that's a really bad idea. 215 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,247 Or a really sweet one. 216 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:18,916 [Bell chimes, Announcer speaks] Your TiVo is full. 217 00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:20,542 Oh, here goes! 218 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,003 [Electricity crackling, Cartman screaming] 219 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,261 Cartman? 220 00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:32,763 Cartman? 221 00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,306 Aw, crap. 222 00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:37,184 [Down-tempo music plays] 223 00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,689 Oh, awesome! 224 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,108 Oi, there, young lad! Are you all right? 225 00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:46,693 Yeah, yeah. Can you tell me what year it is? 226 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:49,279 This year? Why, it's 1776, it is. 227 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,782 Oh, yes! I did it! I did it! 228 00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,158 Would you like a ride into town? 229 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,035 I'm on my way to Master Thomas Jefferson's house 230 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,620 to get a very important document, I am. 231 00:08:56,745 --> 00:09:00,123 Oh, kick fuckin' ass, dude! 232 00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:02,042 Never seen you around here, friend. 233 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,168 Might ye be from up north? 234 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,462 No, I'm not from here at all. I'm having a flashback. 235 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,548 A flashback? Why, what is that? 236 00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:10,008 Well, you know, it's a -- Oh, awesome! [Laughs] 237 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,510 ♪ Look at me ♪ 238 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:14,137 ♪ I'm back in time, in 1776 ♪ 239 00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:16,598 ♪ With gaslight corners, cobblestone streets ♪ 240 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,141 ♪ And humble houses made of bricks ♪ 241 00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,394 ♪ What a special, magic time ♪ 242 00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,145 ♪ And it's all alive for me ♪ 243 00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,606 ♪ I'm so glad Stan and Kyle aren't here ♪ 244 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:28,068 ♪ I hate those guys, seriously ♪ 245 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,445 ♪ Seriously hate those guys ♪ 246 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:33,031 ♪ Hate Stan and Kyle ♪ 247 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,036 [Monitor beeping] 248 00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,997 Is he going to be all right, Doctor? 249 00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:41,415 Your son tried to kill himself 250 00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,750 in a ritualistic fashion I've never seen before. 251 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:46,044 His chances of surviving are very slim. 252 00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,838 I'm so sorry. 253 00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,881 Oh, baby. Baby, you can't die! 254 00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:51,675 Yeah. We have a report to do, asshole. 255 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,843 Get up! Get up! 256 00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:55,095 Ooh. Easy, Kyle. - But it's not fair! 257 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:57,139 We have to do a full report on the founding fathers, 258 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,141 and -- and Cartman got out of helping us again! 259 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,018 I guess we're just gonna have to do it with the three of us. 260 00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,936 Come on, guys. 261 00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,230 I know you're in a very dark place now, sweetie, 262 00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:06,982 but you must come toward the light. 263 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,525 Come toward the light! 264 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,985 [Mid-tempo music plays] 265 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,278 Here we are, then -- 266 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,280 the current residence of Master Thomas Jefferson. 267 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:14,573 Super neato! 268 00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,492 I'm afraid you'll have to wait here. 269 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:19,077 But I need to talk to the founding fathers 270 00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,078 to do my report. 271 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,164 Sorry, only the official messenger boy 272 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,915 is allowed to talk to Mr. Jefferson. 273 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:27,044 Oh, okay. I guess I understand. 274 00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,378 ♪ I don't want to wait ♪ 275 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,922 ♪ For our lives to be over ♪ 276 00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:34,092 [Screaming] 277 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,469 ♪ I don't want to wait ♪ 278 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,472 ♪ For our lives to be over ♪ 279 00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:41,058 [ Knock on door ] 280 00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,602 Hello. I am Thomas Jefferson. 281 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,979 And I am the official messenger boy, I am! 282 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,147 Very well. 283 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,608 Take this document to the Continental Congress. 284 00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:52,402 Wow. The Declaration of Independence Day. 285 00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,446 Some favor going to war with England, 286 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,782 and others want to avoid war at all costs. 287 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:57,908 It's a bitch, ain't it? 288 00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,285 Perhaps this document will make the reasons for war 289 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,370 obvious to all. 290 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,746 Good luck, young messenger. 291 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,331 Now make haste! 292 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,960 Okay, so Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence. 293 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,337 Then the Continental Congress -- 294 00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,172 [All Chanting] No war! No war! No war! 295 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,840 Oh, Jesus. 296 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,842 Uh, boys, would you mind clearing the living room? 297 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:18,303 We have to practice our big war-protest song. 298 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:19,429 Dad, we have to study. 299 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,056 Mr. Garrison is making us do a presentation 300 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,891 on what the founding fathers would say about the war. 301 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,519 Hey, that's a terrific idea! 302 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,979 Yeah! We could have the boys do their presentation 303 00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:29,940 as part of our peace rally on Saturday! 304 00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,525 Oh, no. No, no, no, no. 305 00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,901 [All Chanting] Support our troops! 306 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,486 Support our troops! 307 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,530 See? I told you they had your son! 308 00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,198 Kenny, what are you doing over here 309 00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:39,866 with all these un-American traitors? 310 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,243 Mrph rmhmhm rm. 311 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,704 The boys are going to give a presentation at our rally 312 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,080 about how the founding fathers 313 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,082 would agree with our right to protest. 314 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,500 What?! No! - What?! Oh, no! 315 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,210 Actually, we hadn't really come to a -- 316 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:53,463 Look, my son is a patriot and loves his country! 317 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:54,923 - Come on, Kenny! - Mrph rmh -- 318 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,383 Now! - Yeah! 319 00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:57,509 [All Chanting] Support our troops! 320 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,677 Support our troops! 321 00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,846 Oh, Kenny, n-- Oh! Aw. 322 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,973 Aw, now we lost two in our study group! 323 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:04,141 God damn it! 324 00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,101 Can you believe those hick sons of bitches? 325 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,311 Manipulating their kids into being on their side. 326 00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:09,646 Disgraceful! 327 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,023 Stan and Kyle, it's up to you to show all those warmongers 328 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,859 that the founding fathers agree with us! 329 00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:16,445 Yeah, that's right! Let's get back to work! 330 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:19,322 Do you think kids in every town have to deal with this crap? 331 00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:22,743 [Dramatic music plays] 332 00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:26,163 Enter, young messenger! 333 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,881 I am John Hancock, president of the Congress. 334 00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:36,965 Wow! 335 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,383 Mr. John Adams? 336 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,384 Aye. 337 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,594 Will you do the honors 338 00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:42,971 of reading the document to Congress, please? 339 00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:46,433 "When in the course of human events, 340 00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,810 it becomes necessary for one people to..." 341 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,021 "...we mutually pledge to each other our lives, 342 00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:54,107 our fortunes, and our sacred honor. 343 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:59,988 P.S. every Thursday should be 'free ice cream' day." 344 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,702 Excuse me, but does this declaration actually suggest 345 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,996 that we should go to war with England? 346 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,998 We have no choice, Mr. Dickinson. 347 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,083 [All shouting] 348 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,294 All right, everyone. 349 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:17,798 Thank you all for coming out to protest the war, m'kay! 350 00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:19,424 [Applause ] 351 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,801 Don't kid yourselves. 352 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:23,720 These people have come out to support our troops, right?! 353 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,430 [Applause] 354 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,600 And now Randy Marsh is gonna sing a protest song 355 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,185 he wrote about the war. 356 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,561 Oh, no, you don't! 357 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,939 We're doing our pro-war song first! 358 00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:34,815 Yeah! 359 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:35,982 The last thing these people want 360 00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:38,443 is another bleeding-heart rock protest song! 361 00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:42,155 People, I told you, you have to share the stage. 362 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,116 Nobody wants to hear another pro-war country song! 363 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:47,452 Well, excuse me if... 364 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:50,580 ♪ I'm a little bit country ♪ 365 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:54,125 ♪ Well, I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll-a ♪ 366 00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:57,254 ♪ I'm a little for supportin' our troops ♪ 367 00:13:57,379 --> 00:14:00,966 ♪ And I'm a little for bringin' 'em home ♪ 368 00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,801 ♪ I believe freedom isn't free ♪ 369 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,678 ♪ No, but war shouldn't be our goal ♪ 370 00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:07,639 ♪ We must defend our country ♪ 371 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,433 ♪ If it means war, then we say no ♪ 372 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,352 Yee-haw! 373 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:16,898 ♪ Did you forget them towers in New York? ♪ 374 00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:20,944 ♪ Did you forget how it made you feel ♪ 375 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,947 ♪ To see them towers come down? ♪ 376 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,699 ♪ Were you like me? ♪ 377 00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:29,494 ♪ Did you think it weren't real? ♪ 378 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:33,623 ♪ I like to rock, but I don't want to rock Iraq ♪ 379 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,420 ♪ The only kind of rockin' America should do ♪ 380 00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,506 ♪ Is the kind that we can all dance to ♪ 381 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,509 ♪ We've got GPS, ICBMs ♪ 382 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:47,470 ♪ And good old-fashioned lead ♪ 383 00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:50,807 ♪ We're gonna show Saddam what America means ♪ 384 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,560 ♪ That son of a bitch will be dead ♪ 385 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,521 ♪ Why are we fightin' this war? ♪ 386 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:59,900 ♪ There's a man in the office we didn't vote for ♪ 387 00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,943 ♪ They didn't give me a choice ♪ 388 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,362 ♪ War is not my voice ♪ 389 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,197 ♪ Yea-a-a-a-h! ♪ 390 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:08,241 [Men shouting] 391 00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:11,870 We must go to war! 392 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,331 But what about the violence, the lives lost? 393 00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,540 If we found a country, 394 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,959 it should be founded on peace and diplomacy! 395 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,046 England will only understand one thing -- force. 396 00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:22,881 I must state again for the record 397 00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,674 that South Carolina, North Carolina, 398 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,636 Pennsylvania, Maryland, and Georgia are against war! 399 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,221 Yeah, because you don't care about the fate of the colonies 400 00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:31,306 like we do! 401 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,807 You're all unpatriotic! 402 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:36,353 And if you don't like the colonies, then you can get out! 403 00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,063 Don't you call us unpatriotic! 404 00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,439 We are protesting this war 405 00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,983 because we care so deeply for the fate of our colonies! 406 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,235 You are all unpatriotic for leading the colonies 407 00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,488 into a war that half of them don't want! 408 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,115 [All shouting] 409 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,826 Whoa. How very, very relevant. 410 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,914 Tom, I'm standing in the town square, 411 00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,624 where the war rally has been going on 412 00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:00,043 for an incredible 87 hours. 413 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,754 The crowd still appears to be split right down the middle -- 414 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,507 half support country music and the other half rock 'n' roll. 415 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,675 Let's listen in. 416 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,218 And now we'd like to bring out 417 00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:10,595 a couple of very special South Park students 418 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,056 who did a report on what the founding fathers 419 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:16,226 would have to say about the war. 420 00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,311 [Applause] 421 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:19,813 [All] Boo! 422 00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,440 For you people who still think war is the answer, 423 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:26,152 perhaps you can listen to the voices...of the children. 424 00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:27,904 [Cheers and applause] 425 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,993 Uh, we didn't do it. 426 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:34,285 What? 427 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:36,371 We didn't do our homework. 428 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,415 Boys, you were supposed to come out here 429 00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:40,750 and tell everyone about the founding fathers! 430 00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,085 First we lost one study partner 431 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,503 when Cartman put himself in the hospital, 432 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:44,504 and then they took Kenny away. 433 00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:45,922 Then Kyle forgot to set his clock ahead 434 00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,549 for Daylight Savings, and we couldn't find anything 435 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:48,842 in the history books about Iraq -- 436 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,552 That's because the founding fathers 437 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,095 would have supported the war! 438 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,931 The founding fathers would have protested, like us! 439 00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,141 Support! - Support! 440 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:57,308 Protest! - Protest! 441 00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,435 Country! - Country! 442 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,603 Rock 'n' roll! - Rock 'n' roll! 443 00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,772 [All shouting] 444 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,153 Aah! 445 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,781 [All] Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! 446 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,242 Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! 447 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,536 We cannot found a country based on war! 448 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:19,039 We cannot found a country that is afraid to fight! 449 00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:19,873 Rabble! 450 00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,000 [All] Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! 451 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,085 [Down-tempo music plays] Oh. Benjamin Franklin. 452 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,837 Benjamin Franklin. - Benjamin Franklin's here. 453 00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,589 It's Mr. Franklin. - Franklin, Franklin. 454 00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,466 Oh, Benjamin Franklin. Franklin, Franklin. 455 00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:30,633 Benjamin Franklin. 456 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:34,345 Mr. Franklin, where do you stand on the war issue? 457 00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:38,683 I believe that if we are to form a new country, 458 00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:42,312 we cannot be a country that appears war-hungry and violent 459 00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:43,980 to the rest of the world. 460 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,316 However, we also cannot be a country 461 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,943 that appears weak and unwilling to fight 462 00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:50,528 to the rest of the world. 463 00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:56,367 So, what if we form a country... that appears to want both? 464 00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,330 Yes. Yes, of course. 465 00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:01,831 We go to war... 466 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,459 and protest going to war at the same time! 467 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,835 Right! 468 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,003 If the people of our new country 469 00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:08,505 are allowed to do whatever they wish, 470 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:11,508 then some will support the war and some will protest it. 471 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,510 And that means that as a nation, 472 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:16,012 we could go to war with whomever we wished 473 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:19,182 but at the same time act like we didn't want to. 474 00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,476 If we allow the people to protest 475 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:22,769 what the government does, 476 00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:26,064 then the country will be forever blameless. 477 00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:29,734 It's like having your cake and eating it, too. 478 00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:33,238 Think of it -- an entire nation founded on saying one thing 479 00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:34,322 and doing another. 480 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:40,203 And we will call that country the United States of America. 481 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,204 Wow! 482 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,580 I get it now! 483 00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:43,915 I get it! 484 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,333 Whoa. Here goes. 485 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,001 I wish I could go back to my time... 486 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,504 to my time... to -- to my time. 487 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,131 [Monitor beeping] 488 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,340 Wow! 489 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,843 [All shouting] 490 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,347 [Groans] 491 00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:05,311 [Glass shattering] 492 00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,480 Everyone, stop, please! 493 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:08,731 [Shouting stops] 494 00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,191 The -- the child. 495 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,818 The child from the hospital! 496 00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:15,405 If you all don't mind, I would like to do my report now. 497 00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:17,699 I know what the founding fathers would say. 498 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,576 He does? - He does? 499 00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:20,994 I learned something today. 500 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,246 This country was founded by some of the smartest thinkers 501 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,790 the world has ever seen, and they knew one thing -- 502 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:28,042 that a truly great country can go to war 503 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:31,045 and at the same time act like it doesn't want to. 504 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,756 You people who are for the war, you need the protesters 505 00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:36,134 because they make the country look like it's made of sane, 506 00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:37,260 caring individuals. 507 00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,721 And you people who are antiwar, you need these flag-wavers, 508 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,181 because if our whole country 509 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:43,224 was made up of nothing but soft, pussy protesters, 510 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,018 we'd get taken down in a second. 511 00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:47,520 That's why the founding fathers decided we should have both. 512 00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:50,398 It's called having your cake and eating it, too. 513 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,150 He's right. 514 00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:53,776 The strength of this country 515 00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:56,112 is the ability to do one thing and say another. 516 00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:59,032 Yeah, if it weren't for all you guys protesting, 517 00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,451 everyone around the world would hate the American people 518 00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:03,203 instead of just the president. 519 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:05,788 And if it weren't for you people flexing your arms, 520 00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:08,208 America could easily get taken over by terrorists 521 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,417 or -- or China. 522 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,836 I guess we owe you an apology. 523 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,755 And I-I guess we owe you one. 524 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,632 [All] Aw. 525 00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,050 Aw. - Aw. 526 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:18,468 Aw. - Aw. 527 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:19,636 Aw. - Aw. 528 00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:21,054 Cartman? 529 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:23,306 Cartman saved the day? - Can't be. 530 00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,058 The founding fathers want you all to know 531 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:26,601 that we can disagree all we want, 532 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,811 as long as we agree that America kicks ass. 533 00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:32,190 ♪ Hey, I'm a little bit country ♪ 534 00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:35,026 ♪ And I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll-a ♪ 535 00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:37,320 ♪ I'll be the muscle of America ♪ 536 00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:41,157 ♪ And me, I'll be the caring soul ♪ 537 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,825 ♪ And when you put us together ♪ 538 00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:44,661 ♪ You get a nation with one goal ♪ 539 00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:47,080 ♪ To thrive and prosper ♪ 540 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:49,999 ♪ With a little country and rock 'n' roll ♪ 541 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,627 Come on up here, everybody! 542 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,504 [Up-tempo music plays] 543 00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,673 [All] ♪ We're a little bit country ♪ 544 00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:58,800 ♪ We're a little bit rock 'n' roll ♪ 545 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,469 We can be a nation that believes in war... 546 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,846 And still tells the world that we don't. 547 00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:07,350 ♪ Let the flag for hypocrisy fly high from every pole ♪ 548 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:10,061 ♪ 'Cause we're a little bit country ♪ 549 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,563 ♪ And we're a little bit rock 'n' roll ♪ 550 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,274 Well, good night, everybody. 551 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:16,943 It sure has been great bringing you 100 episodes. 552 00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,570 We want to thank our guests, the pro-war people... 553 00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:20,863 [Cheers and applause] 554 00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,824 ...and the antiwar people. 555 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:23,866 [Cheers and applause] 556 00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:25,159 What the hell are they doing now? 557 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:25,994 I-I don't know. 558 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,080 ♪ For the war, against the war -- Who cares? ♪ 559 00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:33,126 ♪ 100 episodes ♪ 560 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,547 I hate this town. I really, really do.