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00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,013
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
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00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,686
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
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♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
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♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
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Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:33,284
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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[Down-tempo music plays]
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Friends, we gather in this place
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to mourn the victims
of yesterday's tragedy,
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nine good people
who were run over in the street
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by an elderly woman driver.
15
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Oh, God, memorial services
are so boring.
16
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You insensitive asshole,
Cartman!
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Nine people died!
18
00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:56,557
Yeah, but like eight of them
were hippies.
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Mostly hippies go
to farmer's markets.
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Mostly.
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It is sometimes hard
in times like these
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to understand God's way.
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Why would he allow
nine innocent people
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to be run down
in the prime of their lives
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00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,654
by a senior citizen who perhaps
shouldn't be driving?
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It is then
that we must understand
27
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God's sense of humor
is very different from our own.
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He does not laugh at the simple
"man walks into a bar" joke.
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No.
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God needs complex irony
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and subtle farcical twists
that seem macabre to you and me.
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All that we can hope for
is that God got his good laugh
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and a tragedy such as this
will never happen again.
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Look out!
35
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[Engine revs]
36
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Ah!
Was that a stop sign back there?
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[Crowd screaming]
38
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Oh, I think I hit a pothole.
39
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Hey, Dad, how come they let
old people drive?
40
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Well, Stan,
it's a very fragile issue.
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But they kill people.
42
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Sometimes, yes.
43
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But senior citizens have to be
dealt with very gingerly, Stan.
44
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We can't just take
their licenses away.
45
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I'll be God damned if they think
they can take my license away!
46
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Oh, hi, Dad.
- I heard what you said!
47
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You want to take driving
privileges away from seniors!
48
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Well, let me tell you something,
pecker face,
49
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,348
I worked 55 years
in a steel mill...
50
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Yes, Dad.
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...and I flew Spitfires
over Germany in World War II...
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Yes, I know.
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...and I will be God damned
if the government thinks
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it can step in and take away
my right to drive!
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I think old people
should have rights, Grandpa.
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I just don't want to die.
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[Reel clicking]
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[Humming]
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[Ominous music plays]
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Damn it, Mona,
this isn't the fastest way
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to Country Kitchen Buffet.
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No, but it's the shortest.
Save the most gas that way.
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[Humming]
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[Ominous music continues]
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You save more gas
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00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,685
if you take the highway
to Country Kitchen Buffet!
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Less miles means less gas,
you old fool.
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There's Country Kitchen
right there!
69
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,154
Where?
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Back there!
You're gonna miss it!
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[Tires screech]
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Aah!
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00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,539
Is this the parking lot?
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00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:26,874
I think so.
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Another death tonight
by senior-citizen motorists.
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00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,090
Carl Zorn of Pine Junction
was killed instantly
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when struck by a vehicle
driven by Pete and Lydia Melman,
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who were trying to find
Country Kitchen Buffet.
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This latest tragedy comes
only two days
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after the accident
in Deer Creek,
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where three construction workers
in a bulldozer
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were run down
by senior citizen Paul Thom,
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00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,398
who was trying to find
Country Kitchen Buffet.
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Public outcry is forcing
the DMV to consider
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suspending the licenses
of all seniors over 70,
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though no decision
has yet to be made.
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Seniors of South Park,
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I don't know about you,
but I am mad as hell.
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00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,122
Yeah!
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00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:08,666
Yeah!
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00:04:08,791 --> 00:04:13,921
I am sick of having my mental
condition come into question.
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Yeah!
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That's right!
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We need to let everyone know
we're pissed off
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and we're not gonna take it
anymore.
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Hear, hear!
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That's right, Pete.
98
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That's right.
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Now...
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00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:33,274
can anybody remember
what we're pissed off about?
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I remember we're all pissed
about something.
102
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That's why we had this meeting,
103
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but I can't for the life
of me...
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Ooh!
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Was it the kids skateboarding
on the sidewalks?
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No.
107
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Oh, I remember.
108
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They're going to take
our licenses away!
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Yeah!
- That's right!
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That's right. They're gonna try
and take our licenses away.
111
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And I, for one, am mad as hell.
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Me too!
- Yeah! That's right!
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I'm mad, too.
114
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I am sick of having my mental
condition come into question.
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So now what are we gonna do
about it?
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Do about what?
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They're gonna take
our licenses away.
118
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They are?!
They can't do that!
119
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You said it!
- You said it!
120
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That's right.
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So you know what I think
we should do?
122
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I think we should have
a senior-citizens meeting --
123
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get all the seniors together at
the community center and unite!
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Great idea, Marvin.
125
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Wait. I-I think we're having
that meeting right now.
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Oh. Right.
This is the meeting.
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Right, to get them damn kids
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to stop skateboarding
on the sidewalks.
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Yeah!
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That's right!
- This will stop 'em.
131
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Sharon, have you seen Dad?
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He's not here, hon.
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He's having a meeting
with all the seniors in town
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at the community center.
135
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Oh.
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00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:02,613
Wait a minute.
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If all the seniors in town
are at a meeting,
138
00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:09,036
that means that when
the meeting gets out...
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Every senior in town
will be driving home...
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At the same time.
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[Dramatic music plays]
Oh my God.
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Get inside!
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Get inside!
144
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Seniors meeting getting out!
Get off the streets!
145
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[Crowd screaming]
146
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All right.
Great meeting, everyone.
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Let's do it again sometime.
148
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So long, everybody.
[Engines starting]
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Goodbye, Lucy.
- See you later.
150
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,444
Goodbye, Bill!
151
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Get off the streets!
[Dramatic music plays]
152
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Get off the streets!
153
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Old people are driving!
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Run!
- Run!
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Oh my God!
156
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Gerald!
Where are the boys?!
157
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We've got to get out of here!
158
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The boys, Gerald!
Where are they?!
159
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T-They're...
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They're playing street hockey!
161
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Oh my God!
162
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With just 10 seconds to go,
the offense makes its move.
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Marsh heads for the goal and
passes the ball to the poor kid.
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The poor kid hands it off
to the Jew.
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The Jew shoots!
Oh!
166
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And the shot is blocked again,
167
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proving once and for all
that Jews cannot play hockey.
168
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It isn't fair.
Cartman's fatter than the goal.
169
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,651
I'm not fat.
I just have a sweet hockey body.
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[Voice in the distance]
Get off the streets!
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Get off the streets!
172
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Dude, look.
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Get off...the streets!
174
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Get off the streets!
175
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- What is that?
- I don't know.
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Get off!
177
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,461
Get! Streets!
Off the streets!
178
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,504
Dude, is that your dad?
- I think so.
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Looks like Stan's dad's
been hittin' the bottle again.
180
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Streets!
181
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What is he saying?
- I can't understand him.
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00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,387
Aah!
183
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:51,847
Calm down.
184
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,017
We cannot understand you.
185
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,560
Mrph rm!
186
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:59,563
[Tires screeching]
187
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,273
Oh, Jesus!
188
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,274
Old people!
189
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,859
Come on!
190
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,695
[Ominous music plays]
191
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,447
Oh, God! They're coming!
192
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,991
Get over there.
Stay low!
193
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,202
Why are they all out driving
at the same time?
194
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:14,495
Shh!
195
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:23,086
[Exhales deeply]
It's okay, boys. They're gone.
196
00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:25,255
Let's just lay low for a minute
until we can find --
197
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,548
[Screams]
198
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,510
I don't remember
there being a building here.
199
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,345
Run!
[Engine starts]
200
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,388
[Screams]
201
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:36,725
I told you to turn left, Larry.
202
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,852
Get up the stairs!
Up the stairs!
203
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,479
Come on!
Come on!
204
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,189
Aah! There's another one!
[Tires screech]
205
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,524
[Screaming]
206
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:47,319
Excuse me.
Is this Costello Avenue?
207
00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,739
In here!
208
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,866
[Screaming]
209
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,038
They're not gonna stop
until we're all dead!
210
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,165
Quiet!
Keep quiet!
211
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,291
Dad, I'm scared.
212
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,293
Just keep your voices down.
213
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:04,753
We'll stay the night in here.
214
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,630
We'll stay the whole winter
if we have to.
215
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,006
I'm not staying the winter
in this room.
216
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,342
You just need to tell old people
they can't drive anymore.
217
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,344
Stan, it's not that simple!
218
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:14,763
Just relax
while I find the lights.
219
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,931
Here we go.
220
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,016
How the hell did we get up here?
221
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,977
[Screaming]
222
00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,271
I told you
this was the wrong way.
223
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,358
[Dramatic music plays]
224
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,736
Tom, I'm standing outside of the
Department of Motor vehicles,
225
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,989
where senior citizens have
until 3:00 p.m.
226
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:34,241
to hand over
their driver's licenses.
227
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:36,410
The new law was passed
just three days
228
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,245
after the night of horror
229
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,456
in which all seniors were out
driving at the same time,
230
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:45,210
causing 14 deaths
and $3 million in damage.
231
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,505
All righty.
There we go.
232
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,631
Next.
233
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,384
It ain't right
what you're doing.
234
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,303
I never had an accident
in my life!
235
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:57,264
That's right.
You shouldn't punish all of us.
236
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,266
We're sorry, but this is
the only way to be sure.
237
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:00,267
Next, please.
238
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,893
There we go.
239
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,771
But how am I supposed to get
to the grocery store?
240
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,024
Or the pharmacy to buy medicine?
241
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:10,861
Well, maybe you should be
in a nursing home, hmm?
242
00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:12,863
Some of us would rather die!
243
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,407
Well, we can certainly
help you with that, too.
244
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,576
We aren't second-class citizens.
245
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:18,410
That's right.
246
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:22,414
You can take our licenses,
but you'll never take our pride!
247
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:23,874
Yeah.
248
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,919
Oh, isn't this great, you guys?
249
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,796
Being able to walk the streets
now that old people
250
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,548
are confined to their homes,
where they belong.
251
00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:34,051
[Horn honks]
Billy, get in the car.
252
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:37,179
I need you boys to help me
pick up my new Hoveround.
253
00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:40,349
Uh, Grandpa, I don't think
you're supposed to be driving.
254
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:41,808
God damn it, Billy!
255
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,685
You're supposed to listen
to your dad, right?
256
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,479
Well, I'm your dad's dad!
257
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,774
And that means you get in this
car before I tan all your hides!
258
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,443
Well, look at it this way.
259
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,612
Statistically speaking,
we're safer inside a car
260
00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:55,447
with an old person driving
than outside.
261
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,199
My God, he's right.
262
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,244
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
263
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,038
I shall not walk through
the valley of death.
264
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,498
[Groans]
265
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:06,958
Guys, I don't know
if I ever told you this, but...
266
00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:09,711
Well, I love you guys.
267
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,088
Except for you, Kyle.
268
00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:13,715
Okay.
All set?
269
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,884
[Horn honks]
270
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,428
Asshole!
271
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,555
[Horns blaring]
272
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,350
Mrph!
273
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,935
[Tires screech, crash]
274
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,062
[Siren wailing]
275
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,316
Uh, I think there's a
police car behind you, Grandpa.
276
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,984
Huh?
277
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:35,112
Go around.
278
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,072
Go around, you moron!
279
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,825
[Police Announcement]
Blue Impala, pull your vehicle over.
280
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,702
I believe that's us.
Thank God.
281
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,083
Could I see your license,
please?
282
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,419
I ain't got one!
You peckers took it!
283
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,838
Well, then I'll have to take you
to jail.
284
00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:56,007
You just try taking me to jail,
scrotum head.
285
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,135
You just try.
286
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,887
Stupid son of a --
287
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,431
God damn it.
288
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,599
I've just got him right here,
Mr. Marsh.
289
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:05,934
Oh, brother.
290
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,145
Well, good job, Dad.
Look at you now.
291
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:11,648
Oh, God damn it, don't you
lecture me, you son of a bitch.
292
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,067
You just had to be
so damn stubborn, didn't you?
293
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:16,903
Now my son is gonna talk to me
like I'm 12.
294
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,740
We're not treating you
like children, Dad, all right?
295
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:22,451
Now, I think you owe
Mr. Police Officer an apology.
296
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,370
Who needs to apologize, hmm?
Who's a sorry-sorry?
297
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,080
Kiss my sagging ass!
298
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:28,790
Well, fine,
I was gonna bail you out,
299
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,460
but maybe you can just sit here
and think about what you did.
300
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,295
I won't be sitting here long.
301
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,964
- 've already called the AARP.
- What's that?
302
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,551
The American Association
of Retired Persons,
303
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,220
the largest political group
in the country.
304
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:45,307
When seniors like me
are being discriminated against,
305
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,185
the AARP comes
and sets it right.
306
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:51,146
And you're gonna be sorry
when they get here.
307
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,689
[Bell rings]
308
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,860
And so you see, children,
Genghis Khan was a Mongol,
309
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,946
not to be confused
with a mongoloid,
310
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,365
like the actor Nicolas Cage.
311
00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:06,161
Okay. Now, who can tell me
in what year...
312
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:11,750
the first film...
by the mongoloid...
313
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,376
That's odd.
314
00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:15,128
[Down-tempo music plays]
315
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,714
Those ROTC guys
are way off course.
316
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,303
More old people!
317
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,722
The American Association
of Retired Persons.
318
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,308
Stay in your seats, children.
I'll be right back.
319
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,893
[Door closes]
320
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:34,064
Set up a perimeter.
Bring Bravo team to Point Delta.
321
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,566
Bravo team is go.
322
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,985
Move! Move! Move!
323
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,154
Let's go!
Let's go!
324
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,323
Uh, can I help you folks
find something?
325
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,574
[Grunts]
326
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:47,494
[Gunfire]
327
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:48,495
[All gasp]
328
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,247
Old people have gone mad!
329
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,008
[Coughing]
330
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,635
Contact!
331
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,137
Put your hands up, young man!
332
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:07,764
Marvin Marsh?
333
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:08,765
Yes?
334
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,726
I'm Bill Stewart,
president of the AARP.
335
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,521
We've come to help the seniors
in this town fight back.
336
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,022
Oh.
It's nice to meet you, Bill.
337
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,065
Huh?!
338
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,900
We came as fast as we could.
339
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,319
We just had to stop by
Country Kitchen Buffet first.
340
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,281
It's the nursing home!
341
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:25,740
Liberate our comrades!
342
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,243
Let's go!
- Get out of there!
343
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,744
There, now, Mr. Johnson.
344
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,162
We can go to the cafeteria
345
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:33,582
and get you some nice cream corn
and toast.
346
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,208
[Dramatic music plays]
347
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,376
Can I help you?
348
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,211
- Help this.
[Grunts]
349
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:39,880
The revolution is on, brother!
350
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,840
We're taking control
of the town!
351
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,384
We are?
Well, it's about damn time.
352
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,137
Hey, everyone,
we're taking the town.
353
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,556
All right.
354
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:50,682
Oh.
355
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,394
Seniors?
We're taking the town over.
356
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,396
The revolution is on!
357
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,064
Oh, the revolution?
358
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,151
Oh, I better get
my other sweater.
359
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,738
Mrs. Ryland, seniors
are taking over the town.
360
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,072
Would you like a gun?
361
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,158
Oh, I suppose so.
362
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:09,743
What the hell is going on?
363
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,078
Shut your piehole
and get over there.
364
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,039
Randy, what is this?
365
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:17,542
Huh?! You are now under
the authority of the AARP.
366
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,921
Ha!
There you go, Mr. Smart Mouth.
367
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:22,255
Look at you now!
368
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,632
Dad, what are you doing?
369
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,967
The AARP is going to help us
take this town
370
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,178
until we get our licenses back!
371
00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:31,431
Yeah. And we're gonna ask
for more money in Medicare, too.
372
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:32,933
That's right.
- Yeah!
373
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,601
Have you all got Alzheimer's?
374
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:35,894
They're not gonna listen
375
00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,562
to a bunch of whacked-out
senior citizens.
376
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:38,480
Huh?!
377
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,857
We'll tell 'em if they don't
give us our demands,
378
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,859
we'll start killing hostages.
379
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,070
Right. They're gonna
really believe that.
380
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,279
[Gunshots, Grunting]
381
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,406
Isn't that a little extreme, Bill?
382
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,742
Huh?!
No. We got to be tough.
383
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,744
Just like with those damn Japs.
384
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,120
This is insane, Dad.
385
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:57,082
You all need to stop right now
before more people get hurt.
386
00:15:57,207 --> 00:16:00,877
The time when you can tell me
what to do is over, bucky boy.
387
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:03,088
We 're in charge now.
388
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,345
All right.
389
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:14,015
We've got control of the mayor's
office and the fire station.
390
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,934
Reinforcements have arrived
391
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,144
from the nursing home
in Conifer.
392
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:18,728
Good!
393
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,982
Hell, us senior citizens could
take over the entire country.
394
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,942
We've got company.
395
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,945
[Sirens wailing]
396
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,613
Attention, seniors.
397
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:32,283
Lay down your weapons
and turn yourselves over.
398
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,328
Mrs. Applegate,
show 'em we mean business.
399
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,205
All right.
400
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,498
Ooh!
401
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,083
Aah!
402
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,795
What do you want?
403
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:44,796
Huh?!
404
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,632
We want our licenses back!
405
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:48,675
[All]
Yeah!
406
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,886
That's right. And we want
more money in Medicare!
407
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,263
[All]
Yeah!
408
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,098
And we want those damn kids
409
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,851
to stop skateboarding
on the sidewalks!
410
00:16:57,976 --> 00:16:59,811
[All]
Yeah!
411
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,604
[Down-tempo music plays]
412
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,106
[Coughing]
413
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,816
[Sniffles, moans]
414
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:05,734
Hey, Dad.
415
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,861
Stan! Boys!
You're safe.
416
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,779
Dad, why is everyone letting
the old people do this?
417
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,114
Why doesn't somebody stop them?
418
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,699
They've tried to stop them, son,
419
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,118
but the seniors get up
so early in the morning,
420
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,912
they get everything done before
everyone else is even awake.
421
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,165
They're saying something about
taking over the whole country.
422
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:21,207
Yes.
423
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,043
And now,
seeing how early they get up,
424
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,086
I don't see how anyone
can stop them.
425
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,796
Wait a minute.
You boys!
426
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:28,590
You get up almost as early
as they do.
427
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,591
You can fight them.
428
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,634
Oh, come on, Dad.
Can't you guys do it?
429
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,512
No, son.
We...like to sleep in.
430
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,890
Two hostages
come front and center!
431
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:37,974
They're coming.
432
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,476
Get out of here
before they see you.
433
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:42,312
Run to the hills and find
a way to fight them. Go!
434
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:45,315
Boys!
Avenge me!
435
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,650
Avenge me!
436
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,111
All right.
Check it out.
437
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,613
Kenny did reconnaissance
on the town.
438
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,823
The old people have blockades
here and here.
439
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:56,326
Old ladies are keeping watch
in towers around the perimeter.
440
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:57,660
The leaders,
along with my grandpa,
441
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,204
are most likely
in the mayor's office.
442
00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,498
So our only solution
is to cut off their life force.
443
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:02,916
We can't fight them, Cartman.
444
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,584
No, but we can sneak into town
445
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,545
and shut down
their food supply -- here.
446
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,047
Country Kitchen Buffet?
447
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:10,840
Yeah. You take out
Country Kitchen Buffet,
448
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,175
and old people won't know
what to do.
449
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,635
That's a retarded idea, Cartman.
450
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,804
Is it? Two years ago they closed
the Country Kitchen Buffet
451
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:16,805
in Steamboat Springs,
452
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,390
and all the old people died of
starvation in less than a week.
453
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:20,934
Yeah.
I remember hearing about that.
454
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:24,270
Even if it could work, how would
we go about shutting it down?
455
00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:27,315
I think I have a plan.
But we'll have to do it tonight.
456
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,691
[Mid-tempo music plays]
457
00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,693
We'll start
by sneaking into town
458
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:33,029
cleverly disguised
as black people.
459
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,948
At 5:45,
Kenny and Kyle split off
460
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,950
and set a diversion
on the east side of town.
461
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:38,535
[Steam whistle blows]
462
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,703
Meanwhile, Stan and I sneak
into the mayor's office
463
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:43,248
and steal some of the explosives
the old people have stashed.
464
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,917
9:00, we rendezvous
at the Country Kitchen Buffet,
465
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,753
where we strap the explosives
and the timer to Kyle's chest.
466
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,130
We say our tearful goodbyes
to Kyle,
467
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,923
and then we send him inside.
468
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,843
[Beep, explosion]
469
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:55,844
Yeah!
- All right!
470
00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:57,428
Mrph rm!
- I did it!
471
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,975
Yeah, or we just go
to Country Kitchen Buffet
472
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,352
and lock it from the inside
so the seniors can't get in.
473
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,980
Well, right.
Or we do -- do that.
474
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,108
All right, everyone.
475
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:12,485
Round up your ammunition
and get ready to move.
476
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,696
We're taking this war
further out!
477
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,531
All right!
- Revolution!
478
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,116
Let's go!
- Look, Bob.
479
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:21,995
Uh, I appreciate what the AARP
is trying to do for us,
480
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:25,415
but, uh, all we want
is our licenses back.
481
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:26,749
Huh?!
Heck, no!
482
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,418
This is going too well.
483
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,461
We're gonna take
the whole country back,
484
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,881
wipe out everyone
below the age of 65.
485
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:35,758
Wipe 'em out?
What are you, senile?
486
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,260
Come on, everyone!
487
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,929
It's time to plan phase two!
488
00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:41,264
[Door rattles]
489
00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:42,932
What the heck?
490
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,852
Huh?
What is this?
491
00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:48,563
It's 6:00 a.m.
Country Kitchen should be open.
492
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,857
I-It's not open?
H-Has to be.
493
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:52,859
[Door rattling]
494
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:53,943
Try a window.
495
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:55,445
[Rattling]
496
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,572
They're blocked from the inside!
497
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:58,573
No.
498
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,242
No. Let us in!
Let us in!
499
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,744
Open the doors!
500
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,288
It's 6:00 a.m.!
- It's 6:00 a.m.!
501
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:06,372
We're hungry!
502
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,208
Open the Country Kitchen Buffet!
503
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,418
You have to let us in!
504
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,295
[Dramatic music plays]
505
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,923
[Grunts]
506
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,514
All right, everyone.
Area secure.
507
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,434
Collect their weapons
and free the hostages.
508
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,811
That was a great strategy, boys.
509
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,564
You may very well have saved
this entire country.
510
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,400
[Yawns] What happened?
Is it over?
511
00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:35,735
Everything is fine.
512
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,029
Control of the town
is back to you folks.
513
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:41,032
Country Kitchen.
W-What happened?
514
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,533
Sir, what should we do
with this one?
515
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,202
It's up to the townspeople.
516
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,746
Well, I think he learned
his lesson, huh?
517
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:48,498
Don't you feel silly now, Dad?
518
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,583
I think somebody owes us all
an apology.
519
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:51,751
Yes, he does.
520
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,003
Oh, stop it, Dad.
This is partly your fault.
521
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:54,796
Huh?
522
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,298
All Grandpa wants is not to be
talked to like a child.
523
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,800
I think half
of what he was angry about
524
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,760
wasn't what you were doing,
but how you were doing it.
525
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,220
That's right.
526
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:03,554
And, Grandpa,
you should be proud
527
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,014
you made it though life
to be a senior.
528
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:07,433
But you should also realize that
when you get behind the wheel,
529
00:21:07,558 --> 00:21:08,518
you're a killing machine.
530
00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:09,769
I know.
531
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:12,021
I guess sometimes us seniors
need to know
532
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,356
when to stop driving
533
00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:16,150
so we don't put the
responsibility on our families.
534
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,653
Well, I think this has been
a real learning experience
535
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,988
for the Marsh family.
536
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,365
People died,
but we all grew a little.
537
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,700
Let's just go home.
538
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,702
Sure.
I'll drive.
539
00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,037
[Laughs]
That's our Grandpa.
540
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:30,206
[Laughter]
541
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:32,083
Dude, I hate my family.