♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Laughing ]
- [ Pop ] - Stop it, Cartman.
[ Laughing ] That's so funny.
God damn it, Cartman!
Stop throwing those stupid poppy things at me!
Come on and take a look, folks.
We've got a lot of knives for sale here.
Oh, my God! Look!
"Martial arts weapons from the Far East."
Wow. Cool.
Dude, we should each buy a weapon,
and then we'll be like ninjas.
Yeah! We won't have to take crap from anybody!
Our parents won't let us have weapons, dude.
Who's gonna tell them, dumb-ass?
Yeah. Our parents are gonna be at this stupid fair all day.
They'll never know what we bought.
I'll get the tonfas. Those are so sweet.
CARTMAN: I'm gonna get those killer sai.
Look, Kenny, there's something even you can afford --
a ninja shuriken for $1.99.
Mrph rm!
Can I help you boys?
Yeah. We want to get one of each of these ninja weapons.
Okay. You need to have your parents here when you buy them.
I can't sell to anyone under 18 without parents' permission.
Parents?
Oh, God! [ Sobs ]
W-What's the matter?
[ Wailing ] No!
We're brothers, see, and our parents died
in a car accident last year.
Why?!
- Why?! - [ Sobs ]
Why did you have to take them both?!
Why?!
[ Sobs ]
Why do people have to keep reminding us
of what we don't have?!
It's -- It's all right, boys. Don't cry.
I'll -- I'll just go pack these up for you, okay?
God damn. That's like the 12th time that's worked.
[ Grunting, shrieking ]
Kyah! Kyah!
Tai-yo!
Gyah!
Shut up, hippies! I'll kill you!
Yah!
With my tonfa of Takanawa,
I become the great and powerful ninja Shadowhachi --
born to fight evil and people I don't like.
Yeah, and my powerful nunchucks make me into Bunraku --
a deadly but compassionate ninja who protects those in trouble.
What's your ninja name, Kenny?
Mrph rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Yes, and I am Bulrog --
a tough, brute ninja who has dedicated his life
to eradicating the world from hippies.
All right, ninjas. Let's go protect the world.
Kick-ass.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
You guys, you know what we should do?
We should go show our weapons to Craig and those guys.
They'll be so jealous.
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
No, dude. We can't go around showing our weapons to people.
Our parents might find out we have them.
Ugh. You see, guys, this is why Jews can't be ninjas.
They've got no spine.
You don't know anything about Jews, fat-ass!
My mom took me to see Mel Gibson's movie "The Passion,"
and Mel Gibson says you are snakes and you are liars.
And if the Road Warrior says it, it must be true.
Don't worry, Kyle. Craig's not gonna tell on us.
Come, ninjas. Let's go.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
All right. This is it.
Yes. The residence that belongs to the one called Craig.
I still say this is a bad idea.
[ Wind whistling ]
Ninja positions.
Ha!
Hello, Craig.
Look what we got.
Where'd you get those?
We can't tell you where. It's secret ninja stuff.
Ooh, is that jealously I see in your eyes, Craig?
Mm, yes.
Drown me in the sweet water of your envy.
Uh, th-they're not that cool.
Yeah, they're not that cool.
These are real, authentic weapons from the Far East.
But don't tell anybody we have them.
Ugh.
- Whoa! Where'd you get those? - Let me see!
Uh, we'd love to hang out, guys,
but we have important secret work to do.
Yes, the life of a ninja is complex and full of peril.
Come on, ninjas.
- Ho! - Mrph!
Oh, man, did you see the look on Craig's face?!
That was awesome!
Dude, we're like the coolest kids in the whole state.
Hey, fellas. What's happening?
We're playing ninjas, Butters.
Wow-ee! Hey, can I play ninjas with you?
No, Butters.
We are a very select elite fighting team sent
to protect the world from evil, and you can't play with us.
Yeah. You wouldn't make a very good ninja.
Come on, guys. We have a lot of work to do.
Yes, and no time to do it.
No time.
I think I'd make a really good ninja.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
Geez, those guys never let me play with them.
They just shun me all the time.
I'm a lost soul --
a dark, lonely shadow of a person.
- Hi, Butters. - Hi, Mom.
A castaway forced to live his life out in solitude.
It is because of times like these
I was forced to a life of evil.
Society cast me out,
and so I vowed to make them all pay!
And pay they did.
Nobody knows that beneath
this sweet, eight-year-old little boy lies the most evil,
most destructive supervillain of all time!
[ Dramatic music plays ]
Professor Chaos!
Let's see how you like dealing with me, ninjas!
[ Laughs evilly ]
Bah!
[ Grunts ]
Ooh, Butters. Are you going out to play again?
Yeah, Mom, I'm just going outside for a little while.
Well, could you be a sweetie
and take that pie over there to the Thompsons?
I made it to thank them for babysitting you last week.
Oh. Ok-- Okay, Mom.
Gah! Aah!
Buh! Ugh!
Buh!
[ Grunts ]
[ Dramatic music plays ]
STAN: Hmm. This doesn't seem to be the right way.
My ninja sense is telling me
we might be heading in the wrong direction.
Okay. Hang on, guys.
I'll use my special power to see into the future
and find out where we should head next.
Hold on, you guys. I actually have another power.
I can see into the future, too, but better than Kyle.
Let me try.
God damn it, Cartman, you can't keep making up powers!
Yeah, dude. That's like the fifth power you've come up with.
I am Bulrog, and I have lots and lots of powers.
No, asshole! From now on, you only get to have one power.
So what is it?
I have the power to have all the powers I want.
That doesn't count, fat-ass!
Yeah, that's it, Cartman. You don't get any powers.
[ Whines ]
BUTTERS: Hah! Ha ha ha ha!
Well, well, well. If it isn't the four ninjas.
- Who the hell is that? - I don't know.
Craig, is that you?
Fools!
I am Professor Chaos, bringer of destruction and doom!
Your feeble ninja powers are no match for me!
Whoa.
Looks like we have a sworn enemy, you guys.
Mrph!
Very well, Professor Chaos. We'll play along.
Now feel the fiery sting of my tonfa of Takanawa!
Hyah!
[ Dramatic music plays ]
[ Laughs evilly ]
Hey, kid, that knocks you down.
Nunh-unh.
Yeah-huh. I got you.
Nunh-unh, because my cloak is made of a titanium alloy
that shields me from heat!
That's bullcrap! Titanium alloy, my ass.
KYLE: Well, let's see how he likes the icy blast
of my nunchucks of Kuramoto!
Ha!
Aah!
[ Grunts ]
Uh, nice attempt, ninja.
But now both of you shall feel the power of my Web of Holding!
- Aah! - Aah!
- Ugh! - Ugh!
[ Laughs evilly ]
Now you are both trapped in spider webs.
[ Electricity crackles ]
[ Both grunting ]
All right, dickhole. Time for you to pay.
[ Creaking ]
Oh, no. I have no powers. Kyle took them away from me.
Kyle, give me back my powers so I can fight this evil villain!
Okay, okay. You can have your powers back.
All right. And now I'll use my power to...
turn Kyle into a chicken! Bah!
God damn it, Cartman!
♪ Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha! ♪
♪ Now you are a chicken ♪
♪ Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah! ♪
Enough!
I grow weary of your foolishness.
Professor Chaos cannot be stopped.
Oh, yeah? Kenny, use your ninja star!
Mrph! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
[ Dramatic music plays ]
[ Birds chirping ]
Aaaaaah!
[ Wailing ]
Oh, shit, dude.
Butters! Oh, my God.
[ Wailing, sobbing ]
Oh, dude, it's stuck in his eye.
What the hell did you do that for, Kenny?!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
It hurts! It hurts!
Oh, man! We are in serious trouble!
[ Screaming ]
Shh! Shh! It's okay, Butters. Calm down.
I-It's not that bad. Really.
But I can't see nothin'.
I got to go to the hospital!
[ Wails ]
Okay, okay. Calm down, Butters. It'll be okay.
[ Gasping ]
Guys, meeting over here for a second.
All right, you guys.
We need to stay calm and just do the right thing.
We have to kill Butters and bury him in Kyle's backyard.
Dude, shut up.
- I agree with Cartman. - What?!
You don't understand what my mom will do to me
if she finds out I was playing with weapons!
Just stay still, Butters.
Uh...
[ Screams ]
Stop, dude! You're gonna scramble his brain!
Go ahead and scramble it. He won't remember it was us.
You guys can't fix my eyeball!
You have to take me to the hospital!
If we take him to the hospital,
they're gonna find out what happened.
God damn it!
God, please, if you get me out of this,
I swear I'll never play with weapons ever again.
Don't be so quick to throw off your ninja responsibility, Kyle.
Now, come on, guys.
Sure, it's easy to be a ninja
when everything's going your way.
But it's time likes these, when the chips are down,
that a ninja shows his true character.
I-I'm getting woozy.
Shut up, Butters. Now, there's a way out of this.
We just have to use our ninja reasoning.
We need a doctor, but we can't go to the hospital.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait. What about the veterinarian?
Dr. Shafley?
He's really old and going blind.
So if we make Butters up to look like a dog...
Oh, no.
We might pass him off as our pet.
But -- But, fellas, if I --
if I dress up like a dog with a star in my eye,
I'm gonna get grounded!
- Shut up, Butters! - Shut up, Butters!
That is the dumbest idea you guys have ever come up with!
I'd expect this stupidity out of Cartman, but you, Stan?
Butters needs medical attention right now!
All right. Then you take him to the hospital, Kyle.
You take him to the hospital
and let your mom find out what happened.
[ Whimpering ]
Hand me the modeling glue. We need more fur over here.
[ Coughs ]
That modeling glue is making me dizzy.
Butters, we're trying to help you, god damn it!
Now stop being such an asshole!
We need some more fur.
[ Shaver buzzes ]
I think that's good.
Okay. Let's hear your bark, Butters.
[ Whimpering ] Woof. W-Woof?
All right. Now we've just got to sneak him into town.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
Okay. It's clear.
[ Whimpering ]
Now, remember, Butters -- When you get to the vet's office,
you need to stay down on all fours and -- Butters, listen!
At the vet's office, stay down on all fours and bark a lot.
[ Whimpering ]
Woof. Woof. Woof.
We've got to hurry. It's getting late.
[ Metal clanks ]
- Oh, shit. Somebody's coming. - Quick! Hide Butters!
In here!
But -- But, fellas, I got --
CRAIG: Aha! There you are.
You guys thought you were so cool, didn't you?
Well, look at what we got.
No way. You got weapons, too?
Where'd you get those?
From the kn-kn-- From the kn-- From the --
From the knife guy at the county fair.
At first he said we needed our parents' permission,
but then we told him our parents were dead.
Aw, man, now every douchebag in town has a ninja weapon!
Lame!
So, how would you ninjas like to do battle?
Uh, not now, Craig. We -- We have to be going.
You can't pass through this area until you defend your honor!
He said not now, Craig!
I am not Craig.
I am Ginza -- with the powerful blade of the kintama.
Yah!
And I am Black Chaku --
with the power of perfect spelling!
Guys, we're -- we're really not playing, okay?
[ Dramatic music plays ]
W-What -- What's the matter, f-fellas?
Are you n-ninjas or p-p-pussies?
We're twice the ninjas you fags are!
Then fight us.
Very well, Clyde. Yah!
I swore to never fight again.
We don't have a choice, Kyle. Just humor them.
Yah!
- Yah! - Yah!
MAN: ♪ Suba-ra-shi chin chin mono ♪
♪ Kintama no kame aru ♪
♪ Sore no oto saru bo bo ♪
♪ Iye! Ninja ga imas-u-u-u-u-u-u ♪
♪ Hey, hey, let's go kenka suru ♪
♪ Taisetsu no mono protect my balls ♪
♪ Boku ga warui so let's fighting ♪
♪ Let's fighting love ♪
♪ Kono uta chotto baka ♪
♪ Wake ga wakaranai ♪
♪ Eigo ga mecha-kucha ♪
♪ Daijobu we do it all the time ♪
♪ Hey, hey, let's go kenka suru -- ♪
Wait, wait! Wait, wait! Wa--
Hold on a second. Where's Butters?
Oh, no. Butters!
Oh, nice going, you assholes! You made us lose him!
- Lose who? - Butters!
He got a ninja star stuck in his eye.
And we were taking him to the vet when you fucked it all up!
Butters?!
Stuck in his eye? Was he bleeding?
Y-Yeah, a little. Butters!
- Get back here right now! - Oh, shit.
You guys are in trouble. We're out of here!
No, dude! You got to help us find him!
- To hell with that! - We're in this together, Craig!
If Butters tells on us, we're gonna tell on you.
That's ninja code.
[ Whimpering ]
Hello?
Anybody?
Woof. Woof?
Woof-woof. [ Whimpers ]
Woof?
- STAN: Butters? - KYLE: Butters?
- Here, Butters! - Mrph!
- Butters! - Butters!
B-B-B-B-Butters?
- Butters! - Hey, Butters!
Dude, look!
[ Dramatic music plays ]
Hello, there, children.
- ALL: Hey, Chef. - How's it going?
- Bad. - Why bad?
Uh, Chef, you haven't seen Butters around, have you?
No, can't say that I have.
Hey, what are you children doing with those weapons?
N-Nothing. Just...playing.
Well, you children should be careful with those.
You could put somebody's eye out.
Yeah, we know.
Well, I got to get to the fairgrounds.
They're about to start the big auction.
So long, children.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
[ Mumbling ]
Woof. Woof!
Woof-woof!
Oh, my God.
What the -- Doctor! Doctor!
Jesus Christ.
[ Groaning ]
What kind of sick bastard would do this to a dog?
Poor little pup.
[ Moans ]
Woof-woof?
Can you help him, Doctor?
I'm afraid I wouldn't know how.
Unfortunately for this little fella, I'm a people doctor.
Best we call the animal shelter.
Right away.
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
NARRATOR: In our last episode, the four ninjas did battle
with Professor Chaos, bringer of destruction and doom.
It was during that great battle that ninja master Kenny
threw his star into Professor Chaos' eye.
Now the ninjas were in serious trouble
because their parents might find out they had weapons
if Professor Chaos told on them.
While trying to get Professor Chaos some aid
at the veterinarian's office,
the four ninjas ran into Craig and his three friends.
They challenged the four ninjas to fight,
and the legendary battle of Tokutawa began.
It was during this battle that Professor Chaos escaped,
so the four ninjas were forced to join forces
with Craig and his friends to find Professor Chaos,
or else they would all be grounded.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
- Butters? - Butters?
- Here, Butters. - Mrph!
- Butters? - Butters!
Butters, where the hell are you?
It's hopeless, dude.
Butters must have made it to the hospital.
By now our parents probably know we were playing with weapons!
We have to get rid of the evidence!
What?
Dude, we have to get rid of our weapons
so at least we can try to deny everything.
Screw that, dude. I paid 20 bucks for these things.
Let's just return them and get our money back.
We don't have time for that, dude!
We just have to ditch them -- now!
Okay. Go ahead, Kyle. Throw your nunchucks away.
If you can.
But you know damn well that your Jewish blood won't let you.
You can't throw away something you paid 15 bucks for.
Go ahead and try.
Screw you, fat-ass!
[ Dramatic music plays ]
Mel Gibson was right, Kyle.
Right now the Jew in you is screaming, "No!
Those cost money. Get your money back."
You know this to be true.
[ Grunting ]
Go ahead.
Prove Mel Gibson wrong, Kyle. Do it.
[ Grunting ]
Aah!
I-I can't do it.
I can't do it. I...
It's all right, Kyle.
We'll go back to the fair and return them.
[ Dogs barking, cats meowing ]
Come on.
Come on, little fella.
Attaboy.
[ Mumbling ]
Right over here. Good dog. Come on.
There you go. Right in there.
Good dog.
[ Mumbling ]
[ Dog sniffing ]
- Aah! - [ Down-tempo music plays ]
Somebody threw a ninja star in that poor puppy's eye?
It just makes me sick how some people can treat animals.
Well, nothing we can do for it. Let's put it to sleep, shall we?
Here you go, pup.
I've got a sweet dose of murder for you.
What the -- Blast it! He's escaped!
Oh, well.
Let's murder one of these other dogs.
KYLE: All right! The county fair's still open.
Can I help you boys?
We have come to return the weapons we purchased.
Oh, sorry, kids. I don't give refunds.
Listen, doucher, our parents are gonna kill us -- and you --
if they find out that we bought these.
I thought you told me your parents were dead.
- You guys! You guys! - What is it, Craig?
- It's Butters! We saw him! - Where?!
Right on the other side of the fairgrounds.
He's just wandering around aimlessly.
- Then it's not too late! - Come on, ninjas.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
All right, folks, our next item up for auction
is this lovely 19th-century lamp.
Oh, crap, dude. All our parents are there.
Butters was right on the other side.
- We have to get past them. - All right.
Looks like I'll have to use my power of invisibility to get by.
You have that power, too?
I told you -- Bulrog has lots and lots of powers.
Behold.
This way, I can move about the crowd of people undetected.
- Here. Hold this stuff for me. - Good luck, Bulrog.
This lamp comes from the estate of Edna and James Holinger,
who lived in upstate Wyoming.
It has a bronze finish and actual gold leaf along the base.
This is a really rare opportunity
to own a classic antique.
The lamp has been appraised by our auction staff
at well over $2,000,
so we're gonna start the bidding at $375.
Do I -- Do I hear $375?
[ Birds chirping ]
Kid, what the hell do you think you're doing?
[ Babbling ]
Butters!
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
What happened to him?
Oh, my God!
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, dude, we are gonna get it now.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
All right, people.
We are all extremely upset over what's happened,
but let's try to speak one at a time.
Well, like the rest of you,
I am shocked and appalled at what happened.
I don't know if the parents are to blame
or if it's the times we're living in,
but something has to change!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
This is the worst thing that's ever happened in this town --
the worst thing!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Yeah!
I mean, there were children watching that auction.
And when that little eight-year-old boy
walked up and flashed his... penis, it was an outrage!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
I was outraged!
What?
Not only that, the auction was televised on public access.
So my little daughter watching at home saw the...penis.
How am I supposed to explain that to her?
This is what happens
when the moral fabric of society breaks down.
- Yeah! - It's the fabric's fault!
You see the damage you've caused, Eric Cartman?
What were you thinking?!
I told you -- It was a wardrobe malfunction.
- That's bull! - No way!
Dude, they don't care we knocked Butters' eye out with weapons?
Just run with it, dude.
Uh, yeah. I agree!
Uh, my fragile little eight-year-old mind
didn't know how to deal with what I was seeing.
Cartman should be punished!
- Yeah! That's right! - I agree!
Hey, fuck you, Kyle!
- Dude, I-I can't believe it. - Yeah!
I guess parents don't give a crap about violence
if there's sex things to worry about.
So I guess this means we get to keep our weapons.
Yeah. Come on, ninjas.
We've got some more work to do.
- ALL: Hyah! - ♪ Hey, hey, let's go ♪
♪ Kenka suru ♪
♪ Taisetsu no mono protect my balls ♪
♪ Boku ga warui so let's fighting ♪
♪ Let's fighting love ♪
♪ Kono uta chotto baka ♪
♪ Wake ga wakaranai ♪
♪ Eigo ga mecha-kucha ♪
♪ Daijobu we do it all the time ♪
♪ Hey, hey, let's go kenka suru ♪
♪ Taisetsu no mono protect my balls ♪