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00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,379
♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪
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00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,503
♪ gonna have
myself a time ♪
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00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,220
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
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00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,759
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:16,756
♪ Going down
to South Park ♪
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00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,303
♪ gonna leave my
woes behind ♪
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00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,722
♪ Ample parking
day or night ♪
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00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:21,685
♪ People spouting
"howdy neighbor" ♪
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00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,554
♪ Headin' on up
to South Park ♪
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♪ gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
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00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,730
♪ [muffled] ♪
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00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,353
♪ So come on down
to South Park ♪
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♪ and meet some
friends of mine ♪
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[school bell rings]
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We are South Park,
green and white!
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Let's go Cows--
fight fight fight!
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Nobody can beat a cow,
let's go, South Park!
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00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,126
Hey, South Park, do you
have school spirit?
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00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,042
[mooing]
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00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,290
I think us cows have the best
school spirit, huh, Mandy?
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Yeah, and South Park is
really gonna stick it
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00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,550
to Littleton
next week.
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00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:54,965
So let's bring out
our mascot
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and get this
pep rally going!
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[thumping dance music]
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It's Mooey!
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Mooey, wave to me!
Wave to me, Mooey!
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Butters,
shut the hell up.
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[angry shouting]
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We are People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals!
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We protest your
insensitive use
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of cows as your
school mascot!
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Oh, Jesus,
not PETA again.
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00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:25,079
Cows are maimed and slaughtered
and used as a commodity!
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[screaming]
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This is the fate
of the cows!
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This is your
insensitivity!
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[kids]
Eww!!
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[sobbing]
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The cow is a slave.
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The cow is
a commodity,
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to be thrown away,
by a society gone wrong!
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[school bell rings]
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Alright, children,
I have just been informed
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that since our school has been
attacked by eco-terrorists
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for the 47th time,
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we are going to change
our school mascot.
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[all groan]
49
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But Mr. Garrison,
if we change our mascot,
50
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,695
that means the
eco-terrorists win.
51
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,493
That's right, Stanley,
the eco-terrorists win.
52
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,743
Now, I have here a mascot
selection sheet.
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00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,710
Every student is supposed
to check the box
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next to the mascot
they like the most.
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And the most popular selection
will be the school's new mascot.
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00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,877
But we like
being the cows.
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You're responsible
for the enslavement
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and genocide
of millions!
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00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,099
Get-get out
of here, PETA!
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We're changin'
the mascot already!
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We speak for those who cannot
speak for themselves!
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Go on,
get outta here!
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Get-get out!
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Jesus, where do they
keep coming from?
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Go on,
get outta here.
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ThiS is
bull crap, dude!
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00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,274
Now, children,
it's not that bad.
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00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,571
There's plenty of
great new mascots
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00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,784
on the sheet
to choose from.
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The Hurricanes,
the Blizzards,
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00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,494
the Redskins, the Indians...
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00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,618
But aren't Indians and
Redskins just as offensive?
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00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,834
No, those are fine.
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00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,419
PETA doesn't
care about people.
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God damn it,
vegans piss me off!
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00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,962
Now, we're gonna end up
with a stupid eagle,
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or a faggot bobcat
as a mascot.
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Wait, you guys!
I have an awesome idea.
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We should
secretly go around
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and tell all
the students we can
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00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,299
to not check any of the mascots
on the selection sheet,
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00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,552
and instead, write in:
"Giant Douche."
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00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:08,553
Yeah!
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00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,645
Yeah, that'll
be awesome!
85
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:10,559
Hey, no, wait, wait!
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00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,057
I got a better idea,
you guys.
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What we should do, is we
should secretly go around
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and tell all
the students we can
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00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,904
to not check any of the mascots
on the selection sheet,
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00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,148
and instead, write in:
"Turd Sandwich."
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00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,275
[laughing]
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00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,198
Turd Sandwich isn't better
than Giant Douche.
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It's only about 1,000 times
better, am I right, guys?
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Come on, we have to
tell everybody fast,
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it's gonna be so funny!
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It was my idea, and
we're gonna tell everyone
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to write in
Giant Douche!
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It's way funnier!
- It is not!
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00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,288
Kenny, what's funnier, giant
douche or a Turd Sandwich?
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Giant Douche.
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00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,130
Ah, you're just
saying that
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because I broke your
cat's leg last week!
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Stan, do you pick Giant Douche
or Turd Sandwich?
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Dude, I really
don't care.
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00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,638
That's 2 against 1,
if Stan doesn't care.
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00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:45,677
So it's Giant Douche.
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00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,425
Wait, wait,
what about Butters?
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00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,722
Huh?
You hate Butters!
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00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,436
God damn it, you guys,
Butters is our friend!
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And he should be allowed
to have his opinion!
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Butters, which is funnier?
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A stupid, not funny
Giant Douche
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or a super funny
Turd Sandwich?
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Ha ha, Turd Sandwich!
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00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,899
You misled him,
fat ass!
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It's the best choice,
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and me and Butters
are sticking with it.
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Yeah!
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00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,195
What's this for?
120
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:05,443
Jimmy, we're gonna have
everyone write in a mascot
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00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,786
that's really funny,
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00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,245
and you have to tell us which
one would be funnier.
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00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,705
That's a fantastic
idea, fellas.
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00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,541
The key to successful humor
is s-staying power.
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00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:13,830
Tell me the first
mascot idea.
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A Giant Douche.
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00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,292
[chuckles]
Okay, that's pretty funny.
128
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,414
Now, what's the second?
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A Turd Sandwich.
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00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,259
[chuckles]
Okay, okay, now, let's wait 10 seconds.
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00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,680
Okay, now tell me
the first one again?
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00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,144
Giant Douche.
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00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,729
And the second?
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00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,314
Turd Sandwich.
135
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,310
Jeez, they're both
screamingly funny, fellas.
136
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,108
Better give it
another 10 seconds.
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00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,864
Alright, now we'll see which
one really has staying power.
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00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:47,902
Number one?
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00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,537
A Giant Douche.
140
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,780
Okay, I think
that's it.
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00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:51,906
Number two?
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00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,325
Turd Sandwich.
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00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,201
Jeez, I don't know what
to tell you, fellas.
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00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,453
They're both
instant classics.
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00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,329
But I guess I'll have to
go with Giant Douche,
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00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,673
simply because the fact that it
is a giant renders it useless,
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00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,292
adding a parody slant
to the satire.
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00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,588
Aggh!
149
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,836
Aw, we lost?
150
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,094
Alright, it's decided.
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00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,555
Let's all write in
"Giant Douche".
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00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,514
Okay, you win, Kyle.
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00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,186
Attention students,
154
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,180
we have tallied your
mascot nomination sheets,
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00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,683
and there will now be
a school-wide vote
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00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,731
between the top two
nominations.
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00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:24,230
So, here's the first
most requested candidate:
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00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,779
a Giant Douche.
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00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,821
♪ Y'all ready for this ♪
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00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,369
[dance music]
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Go, Giant Douche!
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00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,375
Hey, South Park!
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00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,869
Have we got
school spirit?
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00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,333
[sparse clapping]
165
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,876
We've got spirit,
yes, we do!
166
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,840
Giant Douches,
me and you!
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00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,339
Let's goooo...
Douches!
168
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:49,631
[clapping]
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00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:56,396
And now, your second
nominee, Turd Sandwich.
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00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,139
♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪
171
00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,107
♪ Who, who, who,
who, who ♪
172
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,067
♪ Who let
the dogs out?... ♪
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00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,652
Alright,
Turd Sandwich!
174
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,191
Cartman--
what the hell?
175
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:06,404
Giant Douche sucks!
176
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,741
We've got spirit,
yes we do!
177
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,486
We are sandwiches
filled with poo, yeah!
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00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,738
[sparse clapping]
179
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,831
Students can now
cast their choice
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00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:19,168
between the Giant Douche
and the Turd Sandwich.
181
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,162
We'll count up
the votes on Tuesday.
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00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,164
You won't get more votes
than us, asshole!
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00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,757
Game on, Jew-boy!
184
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,593
Yeah, game on,
Jew-boy!
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00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,132
[school bell rings]
186
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,254
Be sure to vote for
Giant Douche!
187
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,847
Giant Douche,
he's the best!
188
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,474
Giant Douche
is your man!
189
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,685
Kyle, aren't you taking this
a little too far?
190
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,848
I mean, do we really want
a Giant Douche
191
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,096
to be our school mascot?
192
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,312
Dude, I am not going
to lose to Cartman's
193
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,648
stupid Turd Sandwich.
194
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,108
[patriotic electronic flute
playing]
195
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,102
Vote for Turd Sandwich!
196
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,446
This is the most important
election of your lives.
197
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,611
Turd Sandwich brings
the hope for change!
198
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,702
A vote for Turd Sandwich
is a vote for tomorrow.
199
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,695
There, you really want
that asshole to win?
200
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:55,787
I'm not voting.
201
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:56,781
What?!
202
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,283
You gotta vote, dude.
203
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,625
Haven't you seen the
"Rock the Vote" stuff,
204
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,085
or Puff Daddy's
"Vote or Die"?
205
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,296
I just think this
whole thing is stupid.
206
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,256
Kenny, we have got to
make Stan understand
207
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,716
the importance of voting.
208
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,460
Because he'll definitely
vote for our guy.
209
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,461
Yeah!
210
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,639
How was school
today, Stanley?
211
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,133
It was ridiculous.
212
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,133
We have to have
a new school mascot,
213
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,476
and we're supposed to vote
214
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,845
between a Giant Douche
and a Turd Sandwich.
215
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,060
What did you say?
216
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:25,356
Did you just say that
voting is ridiculous?
217
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,773
No, I think
voting is great,
218
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,771
but if I have to choose
between a douche and a turd,
219
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,239
I just don't
see the point.
220
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,653
You don't
see the point!
221
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,367
Oh, you young people
just make me sick!
222
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,861
Stanley, do you know
how many people died
223
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,529
so you could have
the right to vote?
224
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,122
Mom, I just don't think there's
much of a difference
225
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,160
between a douche
and a turd.
226
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,328
I don't care.
227
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,746
You don't care!!
228
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,165
You really want a Turd Sandwich
as your school mascot!
229
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,254
On your football helmets--
a turd!
230
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,669
Well, hold on, Randy.
231
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,292
I think a Turd Sandwich
is a little better
232
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,293
than them having a giant
douche on their uniforms.
233
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,169
You're crazy!
234
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,671
A douche is
at least clean.
235
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,264
It's sexist,
is what it is!
236
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,304
You don't understand
the issues, Sharon!
237
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,516
Are you calling me
ignorant?
238
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,183
If you think the school mascot
should be a Turd Sandwich,
239
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,350
you're not
exactly Einstein!
240
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,018
I am sick of you
belittling my opinion,
241
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,357
you son of a bitch!
242
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,441
[glass shatters]
243
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,403
I hate this family,
I hate it!
244
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,147
[doorbell rings]
245
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,078
Puff Daddy?
246
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,413
Your friend Kyle told me
247
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,954
you don't understand
the importance of voting.
248
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,326
I--
249
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,953
apparently you haven't heard
of my Vote or Die campaign.
250
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,964
Vote or Die, what the hell
does that even mean?
251
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,301
What you think
it means, bitch?!
252
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,502
Ahhhh!!
253
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,345
♪ Vote or die, motherfucker
motherfucker, vote or die! ♪
254
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,307
♪ Rock the vote ♪
255
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,677
♪ or else I'm gonna stick
a knife through your eye ♪
256
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,224
♪ Democracy is founded
on one simple rule ♪
257
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,346
♪ Get out there and vote,
258
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,269
or I will motherfucking
kill you ♪
259
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,229
Yeah.
260
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,523
♪ I like it when you
vote bitch [bitch] ♪
261
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,237
♪ Shake them titties when you
vote, bitch [bitch] ♪
262
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,278
♪ I'll slam my Jimmy through
your mouth roof, mouth roof ♪
263
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,823
♪ Now get your big ass
in the polling booth ♪
264
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:01,952
♪ I said, vote, bitch
or I'll fucking kill you ♪
265
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,618
♪ Vote or die, motherfucker
motherfucker, vote or die! ♪
266
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,121
♪ You can't run from a.38
go ahead and try ♪
267
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,589
♪ Let your opinion be heard
you gotta make a choice ♪
268
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,424
♪ 'Cause after
I slit your throat ♪
269
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,918
♪ you won't have
a fuckin' voice ♪
270
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,305
♪ Vote or die ♪
Vote or die!
271
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,142
Okay, I'll vote.
272
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,442
Hello, Clyde!
273
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,981
What do you guys want?
274
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,979
We were just wondering who
you might be voting for,
275
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:34,821
for the new
school mascot.
276
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,110
I haven't decided yet.
277
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,074
Oh, really?
Well, that's interesting.
278
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,535
You certainly should
think about it
279
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,405
and make the right
decision.
280
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,332
Butterscotch candy?
281
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,417
Sure.
282
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,329
Clyde, are you aware
of what Turd Sandwich
283
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,876
can bring to our school?
284
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,044
Turd Sandwich is not only
285
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:55,338
the first turd to be
nominated school mascot,
286
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,631
but even the first sandwich.
287
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,889
You see, what Turd Sandwich
brings to our school, Clyde,
288
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,383
is a complete package--
289
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,305
The turd,
and the bread,
290
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,802
and the lettuce,
and the olive.
291
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:09,314
Whereas Giant Douche
is just, well,
292
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,149
just a Giant Douche.
293
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,978
So, come voting day,
you'll now most likely
294
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,696
vote for the
Turd Sandwich, yes?
295
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,276
I'm still not
totally sure.
296
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:23,904
Well, then perhaps we
could interest you in...
297
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,123
Another
butterscotch candy?
298
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,586
You're doing the
right thing, Stan.
299
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,924
Don't you feel like you're
a part of something now?
300
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,509
I guess.
301
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,129
[gun cocks]
302
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:41,672
Look, it may not
seem important now,
303
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,470
but your vote
really does count.
304
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,808
And we all have to
do our part.
305
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:45,596
Okay.
306
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,596
Whoa, wait,
what are you doing?
307
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:49,847
I'm voting.
308
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,940
No, you wrote down
Turd Sandwich.
309
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:55,186
Yeah, I know.
310
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,445
Dude, you're supposed to
vote for Giant Douche.
311
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,031
I thought I was supposed to
make my own decision.
312
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,151
Well, yeah, but not if your
decision is for Turd Sandwich!
313
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,527
What the hell
is wrong with you?!
314
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,573
Wait a minute, you didn't
want me to vote!
315
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:04,946
You wanted me to
vote for your guy!
316
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,447
Well, I just figured
you'd vote for my guy!
317
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,619
Whose fucking
friend are you?!
318
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:08,615
Puffy!
319
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:09,912
Hey, fuck off, Kyle!
320
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:10,955
Don't let them
intimidate you, Stan.
321
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:11,952
I'll help walk you
to the booth.
322
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,579
And then I'm gonna buy you
a nice steak dinner
323
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:14,671
with all the trimmings.
324
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:15,835
Oh, forget it!
325
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,083
I'm not gonna be
persuaded into voting,
326
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,668
and I'm not gonna be
threatened into voting
327
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,339
if I don't feel
comfortable with it!
328
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,258
I'm not gonna vote, and you
all can just live with it!
329
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,469
We've simply had it with your
son, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh!
330
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,391
Voting just doesn't appear
to be important to him.
331
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,105
Stanley, when you left
for school this morning,
332
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,269
you said you were
going to vote!
333
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:34,733
The whole thing
is a joke!
334
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,352
You see?
He's out of control!
335
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:39,571
It's nearly torn our
whole family apart.
336
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,190
Well, my hands are tied.
337
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:42,487
We can no longer
have Stan's behavior
338
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,360
jeopardizing the
other children.
339
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,861
He must be removed.
340
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,655
Oh, are you happy now,
Stan?
341
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:48,826
You just got
yourself suspended.
342
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,578
No, I'm afraid
it's worse than that.
343
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,666
By county law,
344
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:54,628
I'm bound to enforce the
harshest punishment possible.
345
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,122
Expulsion?
346
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,631
No, banishment.
347
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:00,797
B-banishment?
348
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,511
You can appeal to
the city council,
349
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,631
but I don't think
it'll do any good.
350
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:07,349
Your son must leave South Park,
never to return.
351
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,218
Oh, Randy!
352
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,141
[sobbing]
353
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,059
Our son...
banished!
354
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:14,432
Where did we go wrong?
355
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:18,231
[sobbing]
356
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,730
You... you're all
joking, right?
357
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:27,323
As it was in the time of our
forefathers, so it is now.
358
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:31,408
Stan Marsh, for not following
our most sacred of rites,
359
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,660
you are hereby banished from
South Park for all eternity.
360
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,584
Or until you decide that
voting is important.
361
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,047
Goodbye, Stan.
362
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,542
May the Gods treat you
more kindly than we did.
363
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,983
Stan, don't you think this
has gone far enough?
364
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,444
Is it really
that big a deal?
365
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:02,946
Yeah, just vote.
366
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:04,899
For Giant Douche.
367
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,360
I'm not voting!
368
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,915
Yo, Puffy, man, we just
gonna let this happen?
369
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,784
We got to kill this
non-votin' fool!
370
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,378
No, Chestazious,
just let him go.
371
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,749
He won't survive a fortnight
in the wilderness.
372
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,093
This is breaking your
mother's heart, Stan.
373
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,837
She couldn't even help
tie you to the horse.
374
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,305
Dad, isn't this
a little extreme?
375
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,514
Jesus...
376
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:30,925
I guess maybe you'll
never understand
377
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,052
how important voting is.
378
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,144
Goodbye, son.
379
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,893
[slap]
Yah!
380
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,324
[horn sounds]
381
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,242
That's one of the hardest
things a parent ever has to do.
382
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,263
[man]
Look, what is that?
383
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,007
[woman]
Oh, the poor thing!
384
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,429
[Stan]
Hello?
385
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:14,847
Don't worry,
we'll free you.
386
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,141
Just sit still
for a moment.
387
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,309
Oh, thank God.
388
00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:20,103
Get off of him,
you filthy human!
389
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,485
Poor thing needs water!
390
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,279
You're safe now.
391
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,150
Shame on you, making this
horse your slave!
392
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,902
Awww!
393
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,450
Come, you can
live with us.
394
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,117
We will give you
food and shelter.
395
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,160
What about me?
396
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,078
Open the gate!
397
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,050
This poor creature's in need
of food and water!
398
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,264
You have a home
here, friend.
399
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,725
The "kid"
wants to stay, too.
400
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,094
I was put on the horse,
I didn't wanna ride it.
401
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,722
I don't know
if you can stay.
402
00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:03,021
We'll have to ask
Dr. Cornwallis, come.
403
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,732
We don't normally
allow outsiders.
404
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:10,198
You see, here, we live in
harmony with the animals.
405
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,989
They're not our pets, but
our fellow living beings.
406
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:17,035
We work with the animals,
and try to live as they do.
407
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,251
We make friends
with the animals.
408
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,379
We co-exist,
and we intermarry.
409
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,124
This is my wife, Janice.
410
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:31,049
The outside world looks down
on a man marrying a llama.
411
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,797
But our love knows
no boundaries.
412
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,267
Wow, you guys really
love animals.
413
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:42,981
And why not?
414
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,647
Mark here has been with Kelly
for three years now.
415
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,144
And Gary and Sally here
416
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,863
have just managed to
have a child together.
417
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:53,025
Kill me...
418
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,992
Yes, life here is
good and natural.
419
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,830
But now that you know
where our compound is,
420
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,792
you'll have to either live
with us, or be murdered.
421
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:02,909
I'll live with you.
422
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:04,586
It's not up to you.
423
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,876
You'll have to talk
with Dr. Cornwallis.
424
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,463
[munching]
425
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,699
What did he say?
426
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:35,783
He said I can stay.
427
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:36,868
Excellent!
428
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,953
Dr. Cornwallis is
wise beyond his years.
429
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,949
Here's your PETA t-shirt
and a bumper sticker.
430
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,757
[TV announcer]
This is "Debate 2004,"
431
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,751
with your host, Jim Lehrer.
432
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,254
Welcome to the cable access
televised debate
433
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:58,132
between a Giant Douche
and a Turd Sandwich.
434
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,758
We'll start with
Giant Douche.
435
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:01,886
Sir, some students and
parents are reluctant
436
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,388
to have a Giant Douche
represent them.
437
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,311
What do you say
to those people?
438
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,728
Jim, first of all,
I would like to thank you
439
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,601
for monitoring
this debate.
440
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,148
And I would like to thank
441
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,487
all of the students and
their parents for coming.
442
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,231
Oh, suck-up,
suck-up!!
443
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,609
Shh!
- What, that's an obvious suck-up move.
444
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,701
But I would hope that those
students and their parents
445
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,286
who question my qualities
446
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,451
would simply
look at my opponent.
447
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,666
He is a Turd Sandwich.
448
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,459
You're a Turd Sandwich.
449
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,874
No, sir,
if you'll pardon me,
450
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,877
you are, in fact,
the Turd Sandwich.
451
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:31,839
You're a Turd Sandwich!
452
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,418
Sir, you are
a Turd Sandwich.
453
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,886
You're a Turd Sandwich!
454
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,463
Uh, Turd Sandwich,
455
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,464
I will ask you not to
speak out of turn.
456
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,886
I'm sorry, Jim.
457
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:42,554
Anyway, as I was saying,
458
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,555
uh, wait, I forgot
what I was saying.
459
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:46,931
Ha, what a douche.
460
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,898
Alright, Turd Sandwich,
this next question is for you.
461
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,892
How should
South Park Elementary
462
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,481
enforce its laws of conduct
463
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,445
for young athletes during
sporting events?
464
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,660
You know,
465
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,280
my opponent wouldn't even know
the answer to that question.
466
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,657
If you ask him
the same question,
467
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,454
he would not answer it.
468
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,578
He would stand around and just
babble on and on about nothing,
469
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,500
until finally, he was
saved by the buzzer--
470
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:11,496
[buzzer]
471
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,793
Your time is up, turd.
472
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:19,346
Stan, I want to introduce you
to my stepdaughter, Theresa.
473
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:22,508
She seems to have
taken a liking to you.
474
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,305
And she's ovulating.
475
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,766
Uh, no thanks,
that's okay.
476
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,389
Stan, some PETA members
are growing concerned
477
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,437
that maybe you don't
love animals.
478
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:34,733
I do love animals,
just not like you guys do.
479
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,947
You don't
belong here, Stan.
480
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,191
You should return home.
481
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:41,114
I can't, I was banished
for not voting.
482
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,736
But why on Earth wouldn't
you want to vote?
483
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,080
I think voting is great,
I just didn't care this time,
484
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,119
because it was between a Giant
Douche and a Turd Sandwich.
485
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,708
But Stan,
don't you know?
486
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:52,671
It's always between a Giant
Douche and a Turd Sandwich.
487
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,835
Nearly every election,
since the beginning of time,
488
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,959
has been between
some douche and some turd.
489
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,006
They're the only people
who suck up enough
490
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,925
to make it
that far in politics.
491
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,719
I guess...
I guess you're right.
492
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,219
Yo, what did I say was going to happen to you,
bitch?
493
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,103
Ahh!
494
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,395
Ah! He's wearing
the skin of an animal!
495
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:13,357
Take that!
496
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,733
I hope that teaches you
a lesson about wearing fur.
497
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,575
Idius, Ronicus?
498
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,569
[gunfire]
499
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,535
Vote or die!
500
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,544
Protect the animals!
501
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,583
Protect the animals!
502
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,376
Ugh-ugh, ugh...
503
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,218
Janice, we shall die together,
in each other's arms!
504
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,507
[gunshots]
505
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:46,429
Oh, kill me!
506
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,472
Kill me!
507
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:58,771
M'kay, that's one more vote
for Turd Sandwich.
508
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,489
So who won, Mr. Mackey?
509
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,483
It's pretty close,
but it looks like
510
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,201
Giant Douche
is gonna win!
511
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,036
Oh, no, no!
512
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,030
Ha, you lose, fat ass!
513
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,247
Hey, wait a minute!
514
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:11,366
Look!
515
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,042
Stan!
516
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,336
Stan, you came back,
does that mean...
517
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,051
You learned the
importance of voting?
518
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,091
I learned that I'd better
get used to having to pick
519
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,509
between a douche
and a Turd Sandwich,
520
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,052
because it's usually
the choice I'll have.
521
00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,425
He's going to vote!
522
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,177
He's going to vote!
- He's going to vote!
523
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,520
♪ Let's get out
and vote ♪
524
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:35,816
♪ Let's make
our voices heard ♪
525
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,730
♪ We've been given
the right to choose ♪
526
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,195
♪ between a douche
and a turd ♪
527
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,609
♪ It's democracy
in action ♪
528
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,576
♪ Put your freedom
to the test ♪
529
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:48,116
♪ A big fat turd
or a stupid douche ♪
530
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,785
♪ which do you like best ♪
531
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:56,708
Stan's vote brings the total
votes for Turd Sandwich to 36!
532
00:20:56,839 --> 00:21:00,799
And Giant Douche
has 1,410.
533
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,337
Giant Douche still wins!
534
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,131
[cheering]
535
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:06,554
[groaning]
536
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:07,923
Dude, so my vote didn't
even really matter!
537
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,220
Hey!
That's not true, Stan.
538
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,469
You can't judge
the merits of voting
539
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,312
on whether or not
your candidate won.
540
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,272
Your vote still mattered.
541
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,982
Hey, everybody!
542
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,476
They just found
all the PETA members
543
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,148
murdered at
their compound!
544
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,361
[gasping]
545
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,026
What, they're all dead?
546
00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,649
That means--
547
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,323
that we can go back to
being the South Park Cows!
548
00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:30,992
[cheering]
549
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,115
Now your vote
didn't matter.
550
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:34,616
♪ Let's get out
and vote ♪
551
00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:38,336
♪ Let's make
our voices heard ♪
552
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,547
♪ We've been given
the right to choose ♪
553
00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:43,382
♪ between a douche
and a turd ♪
554
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:45,673
♪ It's democracy
in action ♪
555
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,637
♪ Put your freedom
to the test ♪
556
00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:50,929
♪ A big fat turd
or a stupid douche ♪
557
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:53,347
♪ which do you like best ♪
558
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:55,186
♪ Let's get out
and vote ♪
559
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:58,148
♪ put your freedom
to the test ♪
560
00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,608
♪ A big fat turd
or a stupid douche ♪
561
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,103
♪ which do you like best ♪