♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
♪ gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ [muffled] ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪
You guys know what?
Um, the last thing you do when you die
is crap your pants.
What?
Yeah, when you die, your jowls release
and crap comes flying out your ass!
[laughing]
That is fucking stupid, Cartman!
Oh, yeah?
I'll bet you five bucks that when you die
you crap your pants, asshole!
Hey, everybody, it's time!
It's time!
It's time? - Oh, it's time!
It's happening now? - Let's go!
It's time for what?
Get down to Metsker's Field! It's about to happen!
People of South Park,
I am pleased to be with you on this most historic day,
a day you will certainly all remember
as the day your town became great.
The grand opening of the first South Park
Wall Mart!
[crowd cheering]
Look at it, honey, it's so big.
It's like we're a real town now.
Whoa, awesome!
Hey!
Isn't this where Stark's Pond used to be?
Where we used to kayak and fish?
Yeah, now it's a Wall Mart!
I know that with the opening
of the South Park branch of Wall Mart
you will all see your town completely change.
Now, shop, friends, shop!
[cheering]
It's beautiful!
Welcome to Wall Mart.
Sharon, isn't that your father?
Yes, Wall Mart is the leading employer of seniors!
And they also employ the handicapped!
Hello, Mrs. Marsh, can I help g--
can I help you g-get a shopping cart today?
Why, yes, I'd love one, Jimmy.
[straining]
My God...
Look at all these incredible bargains!
Dude, check it out!
Time Cop on DVD.
Three copies for 18 bucks!
Why the hell would you want three copies
of the same movie?
Because one copy is 9.98!
But this way, you save, like, 20 bucks.
You only need one copy R-tard!
Okay, fine, dumbass!
You go ahead and buy one copy for 9.98!
Okay, fine! I will!
Wait a minute.
I don't even want one copy of Time Cop!
Dude, you can't shop for crap.
I can't believe these bargains.
Fools.
Ignorant fools.
Just look at the Marsh family, huh?
Brand-new television,
new plastic dishware and cups,
and enough bulk-buy ramen to last us a thousand winters.
Dad, how come Wall Mart
is able to sell everything so cheap?
It's simple economics, son.
I don't understand it at all.
But, God, I love it.
[whispering voices] 6.99...three for $15...
Three for 15.99... Two pack only 19.98...
Aah!
[thunder rumbles]
Ahh...
Oohhh...
Yeah.
Randy, what are you doing?
N-nothing!
I'm-i'm just gonna head down to the Wall Mart real quick.
It's almost midnight.
Yeah, think about it.
If I go down there now,
there won't be anybody else there!
I can have all the bargains to myself!
Thanks for coming to Wall Mart.
All are welcome... All are welcome.
Excuse me! Hello!
Can somebody tell me why we're going to Jim's Drug
to buy Voltar Cards
when Wall Mart has them for three bucks cheaper?
Dude, I can't deal with Wall Mart right now.
My parents had me there for three hours last night!
Oh, sorry, boys, I'm going out of business.
Why, Mr. Farkel?
I can't compete
with Wall Mart's low prices.
Everyone is shopping there now,
and, well, I can't make end's meet.
[sad violin tune]
I've got to sell the store
and try to find another line of work.
Cartman, stop it!
What, I just felt like playing a little violin, Kyle.
I appreciate your business, boys,
but you'll have to try somewhere else in town.
[sobbing]
See? That sucks, dude!
What? That's called progress, Kyle.
Yeah, but what about all the people
getting laid off from the grocery stores?
And what about all the--
♪♪
[Crack]
Whatever, I can go get another one at Wall Mart.
It was only five bucks.
Come on, let's go to Main Street
and support one of those stores.
What the hell?
[glass shatters]
[growling]
Butters?
[hisses]
Butters, what the hell are you doing?
Well, I'm just playin' monster.
It's kinda spooky out here.
[growling]
Dude, we've gotta show our parents
what Wall Mart is doing to our town!
Dad?
Jesus Christ.
D-dad?
[weakly] Staaan?
Dad! Oh, my God!
Stan...
Wha-- Dad, are you dying?
No, I'm just... really, really tired.
I was shopping at Wall Mart all night.
But your face?
In the checkout line,
they had these...
little stickers filled with glitter.
They were only 99 cents for 15 of them!
I couldn't resist.
Do you want one?
Here, it's a little turtle.
[knocking]
Come in!
Oh, hello, fine shoppers.
Sir, we just had a big town meeting and decided
we don't want your Wall Mart here anymore.
We're sorry, but it seems our Main Street is dying
and good people are losing their jobs.
We'd all like you... out of South Park.
[nervous chuckle]
What, do you think I want to be here?
I hate this place!
But it... won't let me leave.
But you run the Wall Mart.
Oh, you're wrong.
Wall Mart isn't run by anybody.
First it reels you in with its bargains.
Next thing you know, you're working at the Wall Mart
because it has all the jobs.
Then you're sitting in a little office
trapped on all sides.
Then why don't you just quit?
Not so loud!
It can hear you!
You hate Wall Mart, too?
[rumbling]
Agh! I didn't say that!
I love Wall Mart!
With all its fantastic bargains and one-stop shopping,
who can't love it, right?
Wall Mart takes the hassle out of shopping
and makes it both affordable and fun!
And Wall Mart really gives back to the community!
Us people are certainly lucky
to have a store like Wall Mart, aren't we?
Geg-geg-geg-geg.
Hey, wait a minute.
I think we just got squirreled.
Yeah, that guy probably thinks he can get us to go away
by being so goofy.
[screaming]
[farting]
Ha! You owe me five bucks, Kyle!
Here we go, everyone.
I got three nice steaks from South Park grocery.
We'll have to share them.
Hah.
I remember when we could afford to buy six steaks
when we shopped at Wall Mart.
Yeah, but, Dad, the whole town agreed
not to shop at Wall Mart anymore.
I know, I know!
God! Nyaaa!
Mom, Dad, when people die, do they always crap their--
[glass shatters]
Oh, you stupid turd!
Oh, Jesus, a broken glass.
Well, I don't see any choice now.
We have to go to Wall Mart.
We do?
Where else are we gonna get a new glass at this hour?
Everyone get your shoes on. We're going to Wall Mart!
But, Dad, we're not supposed to shop at--
Stan! One family buying one glass
isn't gonna make a difference!
Hey...
Gerald, what are you doing?
We said we weren't gonna shop at the Wall Mart anymore!
Well, where else was I gonna get
a napkin dispenser at 9:30 at night?
Mr. Garrison, Chef, Jimbo!
Now, come on, people.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Don't you see what you're all doing?
Well, what are you doing here, Randy?
I came because I wanted to make sure
nobody was shopping here!
Dad!
Oh, alright, and maybe I was gonna buy a glass.
One glass.
And some chips.
And butter.
And some new pliers.
Jesus... look at us.
We all don't like the Wall Mart,
but we can't stop coming here.
It's like some mystical evil force.
Yeah, this place has a power over us we can't resist.
We have to find a way to put the South Park Wall Mart
out of business once and for all!
Let's burn it down!
No, no, no!
Let's freeze it!
I think its best we try to reason with it.
No!
All you have to do is not shop at Wall Mart anymore!
If you want it to go away,
all it takes is a little self-control
and personal responsibility!
♪ Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya ♪
[all] ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya ♪
♪ Kumbaya, my Lord... ♪
You butthole, Kyle.
You just had to go and ruin everything, didn't you?
It wasn't my idea to burn the Wall Mart down.
No, but you got everyone all worked up.
You were always jealous of the Wall Mart.
You always hated it.
Dude, our town is going to be better without--
What the--
Oh, awesome!
How?
How did this happen?
Mom, Dad, why are you shopping here?
We can't destroy it, Son.
We have to learn to live with it.
Can I help you?
[screaming]
Dad, what are you doing?
You get a discount working here.
10 percent.
That means the bargains are even better.
Dad, you're a geologist!
I'll make less money, sure, but,
as long as I buy everything at Wall Mart,
it will all even out.
Don't you see?
Wall Mart isn't our enemy.
It's our neighborhood friend.
Hey! Hey!
Who the hell told you to put this thing back up?
Sorry, kid, we got orders from corporate headquarters.
But nobody wants a Wall Mart here.
Then you're gonna have to talk to the higher-ups.
Where are they? - Bentonville, Arkansas.
That's where Wall Mart started.
That's where all the bigwigs are.
Looks like we're gonna have to go to Arkansas!
Come on, guys!
We're gonna put a stop to Wall Mart once and for all!
Whoa, pixie sticks, 29 cents!
[rumbly growling]
Wall Mart?
Are you speaking to me?
My friends?
Trying to hurt you again?
Yes, Wall Mart, I understand.
Three tickets to Bentonville Arkansas, please.
Wait guys, hold up!
I want to go with you and help out.
No way.
You want to go with us so you can betray us at some point
and keep us from destroying the Wall Mart.
Nuh-uh.
Yeah-huh!
You wanna go with us so that later you can go,
"Ha ha, I was working for Wall Mart all along"
or something.
I am not, Kyle!
Dude, just let him come. The bus is about to leave.
Alright, fine. Come on, fatass.
Heh-heh.
You fools have no idea
that I will never let you hurt the Wall Mart.
I heard that! - You heard what?
You said we have no idea
that you're never gonna let us hurt Wall Mart!
That's not what I said! - Dude, come on.
He's working for the Wall Mart to stop us from succeeding!
Dude, we have to go!
God damn it.
Well, hurry up if you're coming, Cartman!
Heh-heh.
You stupid fools have no idea
that I'm actually working for the Wall Mart
to stop you from succeeding!
God damn, that took a long time.
It would have been faster
if Cartman hadn't slashed the tires!
I did not!
I wanna close Wall Mart just as much as you guys do!
Can I help you?
Yeah, we've come to complain.
We don't want a Wall Mart in our town.
Who does?
Nobody likes what the Wall Mart does.
But it keeps right on doing it.
We want to talk to who's in charge.
In charge?
I guess that would be Harvey Brown.
He's the current president of Wall Mart,
one of the original creators.
Where's he?
We...invented the Wall Mart Supercenter in 1987.
The idea was simple:
build a store for one-stop shopping
where bulk purchases
could keep prices incredibly low.
We didn't know what we were doing.
In just four years, it was out of control.
So, how do we stop it?
You don't stop it.
There has to be a way.
There's nothing! Don't you understand?
Nothing can stop the Wall Mart in your town!
Unless... Of course...
You can find and destroy its heart.
The heart of Wall Mart?
Sir, don't you think you're talking a little too much?
Every Wall Mart has a heart...
Somewhere near the television department.
Destroy the heart,
and you could reverse the entire process.
You speak too much, sir.
Why don't you guys just destroy the heart?
Because the Wall Mart stops you!
Many have tried, kid--
union leaders, nature activists,
even the best fair trade lawyers
have tried to stop the Wall Mart, and now?
They are Wall Mart shoppers, all.
Alright. Come on, you guys. We have to get back home.
It won't work! Don't you understand?
It isn't going to stop
until there's nothing but Wall Mart left!
Jesus, what did we do?
What did we doooo?
Boys...
Tell the world I'm sorry.
No, dude, don't!
[farting]
Ha, ha hahahaha!
That's 10 bucks you owe me, dickface!
[thunder crackling]
Alright, this is it.
If Wall Mart has a heart,
we have to find it and destroy it.
No matter what the Wall Mart does to try to stop us,
we have to be strong.
Let's do it.
I'm afraid not, Kyle!
Wall Mart is a great store.
I cannot let you fools ruin its terrific bargains.
You see, I was working for Wall Mart all along.
I knew you were!
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did!
I said from the beginning you would do this!
No, you didn't. - Yes, I did!
[repeating]
You see, Kyle, it was me who slashed the bus--
slashed the bus tires in Arkansas!
I said so! I told you--
La la la la la laaaa I can't hear you!
La la la la lalaaaa!
I'm sorry, boys,
but if you want to hurt the Wall Mart
you'll have to go through me.
We don't have time for this.
Kenny, keep him away from us.
Very well, Kenny. Let us battle!
Ow, Kenny.
Kenny, knock it off!
Welcome to Wall Mart.
Save it, grandpa.
We gotta find the television department.
Aaaah!
Boys, these axes are only 4.99.
Dad, we know how to destroy the Wall Mart.
Shh! What are you talking about?
One of the creators told us.
You have to take your keys over to the television department.
Television department...
Alright, come on, let's go.
Oh, my God! - What?
Those $2 salt and pepper shakers!
They were $3 five minutes ago!
The Wall Mart is lowering its prices to try and stop us!
Come on, we gotta try to make it to the back!
Aaagh!
Don't look! Don't look at its bargains!
[all screaming]
I think I see the television department in the back!
Is that the right way, Dad?
Dad?
Dad!
This screwdriver set is only 9.98!
Come on, Dad!
I can't make it, boys!
You're gonna have to go on without me!
No, Dad, we need your keys!
This bargain is too great for me!
I'm gonna have to buy these.
Here, take the keys and go on!
The television department is near the back!
Next to the cell phones!
Go, hurry!
I'm gonna go buy these screwdrivers!
There, the television department!
Hello, boys.
Congratulations on getting this far.
Who are you?
I am...Wall Mart.
You?
I have taken this form in order to talk to you,
but I can take many forms.
Does this suit you better?
Or perhaps you'd prefer this form.
I can take whichever form I like.
We don't want your store in our town,
we've come to destroy you.
Where's the heart?
To find the heart of Wall Mart,
one must first ask one's self
"who is it that asks the question?"
Me. I'm asking the question.
Ah, yes, but who are you?
Stan Marsh-- now, where's the heart?
Ah, you know the answer but not the question.
The question is: where is the heart?
Very well, you want to see the heart of Wall Mart?
It lies beyond that plasma screen television.
It's a mirror.
Yes, don't you see?
That is the heart of Wall Mart--
You, the consumer.
I take many forms-- Wall Mart, K-Mart, Target--
but I am one single entity:
desire.
Well, the guy in Arkansas said to destroy the heart.
Aagh! No!
No, what have you done?
Now you shall see my true form!
Ah ha ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha!
Now you see me as I truly am!
We better get outta here!
Get out! It's gonna blow!
Dad, come on, we gotta get out!
It's too late for me, son!
I have to buy this stuff!
The Wall Mart is imploding!
Everybody out now!
[all screaming]
[farting]
Haa ha ha ha!
Boys, you did it!
You killed the Wall Mart!
[cheers]
How did you do it, Kyle?
All Wall Marts start a self-destruction sequence
if you break a mirror in the back.
We know how to destroy it now.
Spread the word to other towns.
Wait, I think I understand the symbolism of the mirror.
The Wall Mart... is us.
Duh.
You see, boys, if we like our small-town charm
more than big corporate bullies,
we all have to be willing to pay a little bit more.
Do you understand?
Yeah!
Let's all go shop at Jim's Drug, down the street!
[all cheering]
All: ♪ Oh, Lord, kumbaya ♪
Alright, let's not make that mistake again.
Yeah, let's go shop over at True Value.
Let's go! - Yeah!