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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
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♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
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♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
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♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
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Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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- [ Monitor beeping ]
- Hello, Mr. Garrison.
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I'm Dr. Biber.
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I'll be performing your surgery
today.
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God bless you, Doctor.
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I know you'll make me well
again.
15
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Now, you're absolutely sure
you want to have a vaginoplasty?
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My whole life, I've been a woman
trapped in a man's body.
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A sex-change operation
is my last chance at happiness.
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All right.
Then let's begin.
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Just relax, Mr. Garrison.
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I think if more people could
just see a sex-change operation,
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they would know
how perfectly natural it is.
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[ Clears throat ]
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The first thing I'm going to do
is slice your balls.
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[ Groans ]
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With the scrotum open, I can now
discard of your testicles.
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So long, balls.
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Now I'll just continue
the incision
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up the shaft of the penis.
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Oh, that stings.
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Now I'll just turn your penis
inside out.
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MR. GARRISON:
Whoa. Oh, geez.
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All we need to do now
is stuff the unskinned penis
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inside your pelvis.
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And now I'll use the skin
from your penis
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to make the vaginal lips.
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Do I look like a woman?
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Pretty much.
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[ Dramatic music plays ]
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Dude, don't be nervous.
40
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How can I not be nervous?
41
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Trying out
for the all-state team
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has been my dream for years.
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You're the best player
at our school.
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You'll make the team for sure.
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This is ridiculous.
Jews can't play basketball.
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I beat out your fat ass,
Cartman!
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All students trying out for the
all-state team to center court!
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Good luck.
49
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Hi, boys.
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Now, you're all here because
you're the best of the best.
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I know that you've all worked
really hard to make it this far.
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Now let's get out there
and show me what you got!
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[ Up-tempo music plays ]
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Uh, excuse me.
B-Broflovski, is it?
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Yeah?
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Can we talk to you
for a minute?
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You, uh, you're the best player
in your school, are you?
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Yep!
I love basketball.
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I want to play
for the Denver Nuggets someday!
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Yeah.
Uh, look, kid.
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You've got great skills
and a great attitude,
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but you're just not
physically built for the game.
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What do you mean?
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Well, it's just that...
Jews can't play basketball.
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- [ Whistle blows ]
- All right, kids!
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We got to work on that shooting!
Come on!
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[ Down-tempo music plays ]
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Dude, you were awesome, Kyle.
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Look, y-you gave it
your best shot, right?
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That's all you could do.
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[ Music continues ]
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♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
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♪ Yo-o-o-o-u lost ♪
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♪ Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ♪
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Kyle, I'm totally ripping on you
at a totally inappropriate time.
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I know.
I deserve it.
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Yeah.
You know why?
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Because Jews can't
play basketball!
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You're right.
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Jesus.
That's no fun.
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Hey, everybody,
you're not gonna believe it!
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Believe what?
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It's Mr. Garrison!
O-Only it isn't Mr. Garrison!
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H-He's a woman now!
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Hello, everybody!
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Can you believe it, ladies?
I'm one of you now!
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Wow!
Just look at all these tampons!
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Regular, heavy flow.
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Oh, boy! I can't wait
till I get my first period!
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[ Humming ]
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Hi, gals!
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Oh, boy. Can you believe the
sales they're having out there?
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Well, I'm about to pee out
my vagina for the first time.
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Give us a hug!
Girls club!
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All right.
Here it goes.
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[ Urinating ]
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Oh, wow! This is great!
Look at that!
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00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:10,352
I'm peeing sitting down like a
dainty, dignified little woman!
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[ Fart, plop ]
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Say, any of you ladies want to
go see a sad movie together?
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[ Farting ]
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You guys try those
new Wings tampons?
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Do those work well?
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[ Farting ]
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Kyle, you have to cheer up,
dude.
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So you aren't built right
for basketball.
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But I feel like
a basketball player.
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It's all I want to do!
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Hello, boys!
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It's me, your teacher,
Mrs. Garrison!
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You guys,
Mr. Garrison has titties.
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I had a sex-change operation.
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My penis is now a vagina,
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and I'm experiencing womanhood
for the first time in my life!
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See you in class!
116
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Mom, Dad,
what's a sex-change operation?
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What?
Uh, n-nothing.
118
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I'll explain it to you
when you're a little older.
119
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But our teacher, Mr. Garrison --
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He just had his penis
made into a vagina.
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- How come?
- Penis!
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Your teacher had a sex change?!
Oh, my God!
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Vagina!
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That does it. I'm taking
you boys out of that school!
125
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Gerald, that is
very close-minded of you.
126
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You shouldn't judge people
who want to change.
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He's a teacher!
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How are we supposed to explain
this to our children?
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It's very simple.
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You see, Kyle,
sometimes a person's outside
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doesn't reflect who they are
on the inside.
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Yeah!
That's right!
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They feel like they're
somebody trapped
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in another person's body.
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And so they can have a surgery
that makes them
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more into the person
they see themselves as.
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Do you understand?
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Totally!
I totally understand!
139
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There. You see, Gerald?
He totally understands.
140
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So, I hear you're interested
in reconstructive surgery.
141
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Yeah, my schoolteacher
wanted to be a woman,
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and you made him into one.
143
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Oh, yes.
Mr. Garrison.
144
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Uh, yes. He had a vaginoplasty.
Mm-hmm.
145
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Well, do you also do
other surgeries like that?
146
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Sure. You see, sometimes
a woman wants to be a man.
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That procedure is called
a peniplasty.
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No, no.
I want to be tall and black.
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You what?
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I hate being small and Jewish.
I feel like a tall black man.
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Oh, you want a negroplasty!
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- Yeah!
- A-A negroplasty?!
153
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It's a fairly common procedure,
really --
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just the reverse
of a caucasioplasty
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just like Michael Jackson had.
156
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Let's take a look here.
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What we do is slice your face
and peel it back
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so we can insert new
pigment-producing cells inside.
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We break the arm bones
in several places
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and put bracers
to make them longer.
161
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Now, the knees
we need to snap off
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and fill with small,
round objects
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that can cause better movement.
164
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And we finish it off
with a nice peniplasty
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to enhance the genitalia.
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Negroplasty takes about seven
hours and costs roughly $3,000.
167
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:11,867
Uh, excuse me.
Is this really a good idea?
168
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Well, it's a good idea if you
want to be tall and black.
169
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,372
Otherwise,
I wouldn't recommend it.
170
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Hello, Mr. Slave!
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Boy, have I been busy.
A woman's work is never done.
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I got some tampons.
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I should be getting my period
really soon.
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Hope I don't get too emotional
and drive you crazy with my PMS.
175
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Mr. Slave,
I got something for us, too.
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Would you like to take
this beautiful woman to bed?
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No, thanks.
178
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N-No, thanks?
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00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:48,529
Come on, Mr. Slave.
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I want to try out
my new snootch.
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I can't believe you just went
ahead and had that surgery
182
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without even asking me
what I thought.
183
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Well, I assumed
you supported me.
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It's still me. I just have
a vagina instead of a penis.
185
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,795
But I'm gay.
I don't like vaginas.
186
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,172
Don't you even care
that I was suffering?
187
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,132
I wasn't happy the way I was!
188
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,760
It's great that you feel better,
but you never stopped to think
189
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,054
about how the people around you
would feel!
190
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:15,973
Look, we can still be together.
191
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:18,433
All you have to do
is stop being gay.
192
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,520
How can you say that?!
You're gay, too!
193
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,981
I'm not gay!
I'm a woman!
194
00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:25,649
Oh!
Jesus Christ!
195
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,652
Oh, so is that it?!
You're just gonna walk out?
196
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,279
You men are all alike!
197
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:34,575
Go ahead and find somebody who
doesn't have a vagina, you fag!
198
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,414
Mom! Dad!
I have awesome news!
199
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,499
The doctor who gave
Mr. Garrison a sex change
200
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,710
said he can make me tall
and black!
201
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,253
What?!
202
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:48,088
Dr. Biber said he can give me
a negroplasty
203
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,132
so I can finally look the way
I've always wanted!
204
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,467
He even took my picture
and then did computer imaging
205
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,595
to show what I would look like
after the surgery!
206
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,099
Oh, just great.
You see, Sheila?
207
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,019
This is what your transgender
progressive thinking gets you!
208
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,979
Now your son wants to be
transracial.
209
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,648
Can I have $3,000, Mom and Dad?
Huh? Can I?
210
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,275
Absolutely not, Kyle!
211
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,443
But why not?
212
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,111
You said sometimes
people need surgery
213
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,863
to feel better about themselves.
214
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:13,655
Yes, but, Kyle --
215
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,449
Well, all my life,
I've felt that I was black.
216
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,992
I listen to hip-hop,
I watch UPN,
217
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,285
and I love playing basketball.
218
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,245
My body doesn't reflect
who I am inside.
219
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,706
Kyle, you have to accept
your body the way it is.
220
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,625
Why? Why do I have to accept it
when I can change it?
221
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,084
The answer is no, Kyle!
222
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,711
You're not going to have
negroplasty!
223
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,129
But Jews can't play basketball!
224
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:32,007
Kyle, you better stop being
anti-Semitic right now, mister!
225
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:37,054
I'm never speaking
to either one of you ever again!
226
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:38,096
[ Door slams ]
227
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,848
- Oh, that does it!
- Where are you going?
228
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,934
That Dr. Biber is about
to get his ass bitten off!
229
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:52,319
Who the hell do you think
you are?!
230
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,404
Dr. Biber.
231
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,240
What kind of nut job would agree
to surgically alter my son
232
00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:58,992
into a tall African-American?!
233
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:00,786
Oh, you're Kyle's father.
234
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,830
That's right, and I also happen
to be a lawyer!
235
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,166
And I'm gonna have you sued for
malpractice
236
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,668
and your clinic shut down!
237
00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:09,836
What is that on your shirt?
238
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:13,423
What the -- They're --
They're dolphins. Why?
239
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,425
Ah.
You like dolphins, hmm?
240
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,052
I love dolphins.
241
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,137
Ever since I was a child,
I've dreamt of --
242
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:21,890
uh, b-but that hardly has any
bearing on what I'm here to --
243
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,643
I can make you one.
244
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,644
What?
245
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:26,645
Invert the back,
246
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,605
move the esophagus to the top
of the head.
247
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:32,150
Yes, a full dolphinoplasty could
be achieved relatively simply.
248
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:35,696
Make me a...dolphin?
249
00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:40,200
♪ If I could swim
with the dolphins ♪
250
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:44,246
♪ The soft and gentle dolphins ♪
251
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:50,627
♪ Why can't I swim
with the dolphins? ♪
252
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:55,006
No.
No, no. It's crazy.
253
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:56,967
There's nothing crazy
about a person
254
00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,468
wanting to look on the outside
255
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:01,221
the way they feel
on the inside.
256
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,391
MAN:
It's "Girls Gone Wild"!
257
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,059
[ Crowd cheering ]
258
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,561
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
259
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,896
MAN:
These girls will do anything!
260
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:13,483
[ Laughter, cheering ]
261
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,360
Oh, gee!
Should I do it?
262
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,029
Should I do it?
Oh, what the hell?
263
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,531
Whoo! Whoo!
264
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:20,991
[ Crowd groans ]
265
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,993
Look. I'll giggle and
make them bounce up and down!
266
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:25,579
[ Giggling ]
267
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:26,955
Oh, boy.
268
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,582
Men will do just about anything
269
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,792
to get a look at our tits,
won't they?
270
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,252
Men are all the same.
271
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,254
My boyfriend walked out on me.
272
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,630
Turns out he was a fag.
273
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,424
But I've been living it up
ever since,
274
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,926
having sex with all kinds
of different guys!
275
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,344
Girl power!
276
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:44,765
You know, the strange thing is
I haven't gotten my period yet.
277
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:48,018
Is there a reason a woman
might miss her period?
278
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:51,146
Well, normally if a woman misses
her period,
279
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,024
it means she's pregnant.
280
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,859
Pregnant?
281
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:58,069
- Oh, my God.
- [ Down-tempo music plays ]
282
00:12:58,195 --> 00:12:59,237
Of course.
283
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,114
I haven't gotten
to experience a period
284
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:04,701
because one of those truckers
I slept with got me knocked up.
285
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,995
I'm pregnant, everybody!
286
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,332
Oh, boy!
Now I can have an abortion!
287
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:17,172
[ Squeaking, clicking ]
288
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,591
Gerald!
What happened to you?!
289
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,760
That doctor is a miracle worker,
Sheila!
290
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,595
I-I'm the happiest
I've ever been!
291
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,057
Look, Ike!
Your daddy's a dolphin!
292
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,644
A dolphin?!
293
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:34,147
Sheila, I-it was wrong of us
to be so judgmental of Kyle.
294
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,191
If he isn't happy
with who he is,
295
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,984
then who are we
to deny him surgery
296
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,403
that will make him feel better
about himself?
297
00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:42,364
[ Squeaks, clicks ]
298
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,782
Gerald, this is crazy.
299
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,492
I used to think I was crazy.
300
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,077
But Dr. Biber told me
301
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:48,829
that there are a lot
of other people out there
302
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:50,831
who are trans-species.
303
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,708
All I did is change
my appearance
304
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,753
to look the way I felt here.
305
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:59,923
And I'm telling you now that if
we don't let Kyle do the same,
306
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,217
he may never be happy, ever.
307
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,135
We owe him more than that,
Sheila.
308
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:07,097
We owe him understanding!
309
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:12,018
Fellas!
310
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,436
Hey, fellas,
you got to come see!
311
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,938
- What?
- It's Kyle!
312
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,690
He's a Negro!
313
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:19,860
Wow.
314
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,653
- I can't believe it.
- Did it hurt?
315
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,823
Yeah, but it was
totally worth it.
316
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,157
Jesus Christ, dude!
317
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:27,409
Look, Stan!
I'm finally whole!
318
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,661
My dad is even gonna take me
back down to the all-star game
319
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,288
to see if I can try out
for the team again!
320
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,206
Come on, Kyle!
We should get going!
321
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:34,916
All right, Dad!
322
00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:39,170
Dude, is Kyle's dad a dolphin?
323
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:42,966
He's a Jewish dolphin --
a Jewphin.
324
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,347
You here for an abortion, too?
325
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:50,932
Yeah, I discovered
a few days ago
326
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,935
I wasn't bleeding out my cooze,
so I guess I'm knocked up.
327
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,228
Is this doctor any good?
328
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,064
Mrs. Garrison?
329
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,400
Oh, that's me.
330
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,529
Hello, Doctor. It looks like
I need an abortion.
331
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,198
An abortion?
332
00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:08,700
Yeah.
I've got one growing inside me.
333
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,078
Are you gonna scramble its
brains or just vacuum it out?
334
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,873
If you want,
you can just scramble it,
335
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,958
and I'll queef it out myself.
336
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,670
- Mr. Garrison --
- Mrs. Garrison.
337
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:24,132
Mrs. Garrison,
you can't have an abortion.
338
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,843
Don't you tell me what I can
and can't do with my body!
339
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,012
A woman has a right to choose!
340
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:32,265
No. I mean you're physically
unable to have an abortion
341
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,434
because you can't get pregnant.
342
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,144
But I missed my period.
343
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,480
You can't have periods, either.
344
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,024
You had a sex change,
Mr. Garrison,
345
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,401
but you don't have ovaries
or a womb.
346
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,111
You don't produce eggs.
347
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,948
You mean...I'll never
know what it feels like
348
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,574
to have a baby growing inside me
349
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,826
and then scramble its brains
and vacuum it out?
350
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,078
That's right.
351
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:56,623
But I paid $5,000 to be a woman.
352
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,667
This would mean
I'm not really a woman.
353
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:02,295
It's -- I'm just a -- I'm just
a guy with a mutilated penis!
354
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,339
Basically, yes.
355
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:08,468
Oh, boy, do I feel
like a jackass.
356
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,682
Hey, asshole!
357
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,017
Excuse me. I'm performing
an operation here.
358
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,395
You told me you were gonna
make me into a woman!
359
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,772
- I gave you a sex change.
- Yeah?!
360
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,774
Well, what kind of woman
can't have abortions
361
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,818
and bleed out her snatch
once a month?!
362
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,987
You made me into a freak
is what you did,
363
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,197
and I want you
to change me back!
364
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,532
Am I a man yet?
365
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,159
Mr. Garrison,
I can't reattach your organs.
366
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,494
Why the hell not?!
367
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,705
Because I've already used
your testicles
368
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,581
to fashion new knees
for a little boy
369
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,291
who wanted to be tall and black.
370
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,501
You what?!
371
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,962
And your scrotum has been made
into a dorsal fin
372
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,172
for a man who wanted to look
more like a dolphin.
373
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,008
Oh, you --
374
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,343
You're coming with me to find
my balls and scrotum
375
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,595
right now, Mr. Man!
376
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:58,727
[ Indistinct conversations ]
377
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:02,022
MAN: Welcome to the all-state
basketball playoffs
378
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:05,108
between the best fourth-grade
players from Colorado
379
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,444
and the best fourth-grade
players from Wyoming.
380
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:08,737
[ Cheers and applause ]
381
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,323
Coach! Coach! I'm all better.
I'm ready to play!
382
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:13,783
Who are you?
383
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,661
I-It's me, Kyle Broflovski.
I had a negroplasty.
384
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,455
Can I play on
the all-state team now?
385
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,915
Well, you're tall
and black enough.
386
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,542
All right, Broflovski.
Suit up!
387
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,960
All right!
388
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,295
Dad, I can play!
389
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,630
All right, Kyle!
390
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,054
Excuse me. Where do you have
special seating for dolphins?
391
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,139
[ Vehicle approaching ]
392
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,433
[ Tires screech ]
393
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,352
Boys, have you seen Kyle?
He's not at home!
394
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:44,522
Kyle went down to play in the
basketball game, Mrs. Garrison.
395
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,566
He's going to play basketball?
396
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,610
- Oh, my God.
- What?
397
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,988
Well, I only made him look like
he could play basketball.
398
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,323
If he actually does it,
399
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:56,159
the testicles in his knees
will explode.
400
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,203
What?! But you made him
into a basketball player!
401
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,413
No, I just made him
look more like one.
402
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,165
We have to stop him
from playing.
403
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:05,168
Those testicles in his knees
are ticking time balls!
404
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,294
Oh, Jesus!
405
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,295
Come on, boys.
406
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,673
We've got to get to my balls
before Kyle hurts himself!
407
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:15,220
♪ And the home of the brave ♪
408
00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:17,013
[ Cheers and applause ]
409
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:23,728
[ Whistle blows,
indistinct shouting ]
410
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,980
Broflovski, be ready
to take over for Owens.
411
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,191
I'm 100% ready, Coach!
412
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:36,991
E-Excuse me. Where -- Where is
the bathroom for dolphins?
413
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,077
We don't have one.
414
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,204
Well, where the hell am I
supposed to go to the bathroom?!
415
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,289
I-I need a large tank
with saltwater!
416
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:46,751
Uh...too bad?
417
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,087
Damn it, you people have to make
special arrangements
418
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,839
for trans-species people
like me.
419
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,967
I may be a dolphin,
but I'm also a lawyer!
420
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,969
You're a lawphin?
421
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,595
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
422
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,721
Tickets, please.
423
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,014
We don't have tickets!
424
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,891
Sorry, ma'am.
No tickets, no entry.
425
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:03,893
Look, there's a boy
with my balls in his knees,
426
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,436
and he's in serious danger!
427
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:06,896
What?
428
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,022
My scrotum!
429
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,858
[ Music continues ]
430
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:12,318
That dolphin has my scrotum!
Now let us in!
431
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:13,528
You can't go in, ma'am!
432
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,822
[ Grunts ]
433
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,366
We have unauthorized entry
on level 1!
434
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,451
[ Crowd cheering ]
435
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:23,079
All right, Broflovski.
You're going in next possession.
436
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,289
All right!
437
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:25,665
[ Clicking ]
438
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,667
Ow.
Hmm.
439
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:29,627
Gerald, where's Kyle?!
440
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,546
- What? Why?
- My balls are in his knees.
441
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,631
If he jumps with them,
they'll explode!
442
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:34,924
Oh, my God!
443
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,427
There they are,
next to that dolphin!
444
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,637
Come on.
We got to get to those balls!
445
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:40,805
[ Gunfire ]
446
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:41,848
Stop them!
447
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,184
They didn't pay
the $2 entry fee!
448
00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,144
MAN:
Now substituting for Colorado,
449
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,605
number 4, Kyle Broflovski.
450
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:49,522
[ Cheers and applause ]
451
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,399
Oh, Jesus!
He's about to play!
452
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,067
[ Gunfire ]
453
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,986
[ Grunting ]
454
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,030
Mrs. Garrison, grab Kyle!
455
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,865
Which one is he?
456
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,621
Aah!
457
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:05,872
[ Crowd gasps ]
458
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,248
Hey, what the hell?
459
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,917
Stop the game!
[ Squeaks ]
460
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,335
[ Clicking ]
461
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,837
Aah!
462
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,006
[ Crowd gasps ]
463
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:18,051
I got it!
I got the ball!
464
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:18,968
Kyle, no!
465
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,970
MAN:
Broflovski goes for the dunk!
466
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:21,971
No!
467
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,432
[ Crowd cheering ]
468
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:30,063
[ Distorted ]
My balls!
469
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,735
Aah!
470
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,279
[ Dramatic music plays ]
471
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,910
[ Screams ]
472
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:46,871
[ Siren chirps,
police radio chatter ]
473
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:49,290
So let me get this straight.
474
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,585
That woman over there was trying
to get to her balls,
475
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,712
which were in the knees
of a black child
476
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,756
whose father is a dolphin.
477
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,633
Yeah, that's basically it.
478
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,301
Sounds like
an open-and-shut case.
479
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,678
All right.
Let's head 'em out!
480
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:02,929
I'm sorry, Kyle.
481
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:06,516
I should've told you
the surgery was cosmetic only.
482
00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:10,061
So does this mean
I'm not really a dolphin?
483
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,813
Let's get you two
up to the clinic,
484
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,607
and I'll change you back
for a nominal fee.
485
00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:18,194
But what about Mr. Garrison?
He can't go back.
486
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:20,655
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
487
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,949
You know what?
I'm okay.
488
00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:24,909
Even though
I'm not truly a woman,
489
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:27,120
I think I still like the new me.
490
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:30,290
I'd rather be a woman who can't
have periods than a fag.
491
00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:33,334
Hey, guys!
This girl is staying a woman!
492
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,295
Who wants to pound my vag?!
493
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,713
Girl power!