♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
Children -- Children, we have a very special announcement.
Your classmate Token has just returned
from winning the Colorado Child Star Contest
with his incredible singing.
Well, let's give him a hand!
Token sings?
Of course he sings. He's black.
Token is going to sing in front of a huge audience
at the Miss Colorado pageant in Denver!
And for doing it, he's gonna be paid $200!
ALL: Whoa!
$200?
Now, of course, as a woman,
I'm a bit against those chauvinistic pageants,
but I hope that you children take a moment today
to congratulate Token for being so special.
[ Bell rings ]
Wow, $200. Can you imagine?
How come we never get opportunities like that?
You want to know what it is, guys?
We're not talented?
That's right. We're not talented.
See, we're not the artistic side.
We're the thinking side.
Yeah. We're too smart to be talented.
Wait. You guys. I just had an amazing idea.
Token is going right to the top, right?
- He's gonna be a huge star. - Probably.
So why shouldn't we get some of that money?
We can be Token's agents.
That way we get 10% of whatever he makes.
Hey, yeah.
We deserve that money just as much as he does.
We just need a really kick-ass office and some nice suits.
A-And a fountain in our lobby.
All top agencies have fountains in their lobbies.
We got to make Token think he needs us,
when actually he doesn't need us at all.
[ Up-tempo blues-rock plays ]
[ Music continues ]
[ Birds chirping ]
- He's looking at the sign! - Perfect.
You guys get back to the office. I'll bring Token there.
All right.
Wait, wait. You guys. This is very important.
When I bring Token back the office,
have Kenny hide in another room and call the phone on my desk.
Why?
I'll answer it and pretend I'm talking
to somebody super famous and important.
When Token sees that, maybe he'll think we're legit.
- That's genius. - Okay. Go! Go! Here he comes.
Yeah, well, then tell him we're just not interested.
Oh, hey, Token!
Buddy, my man! What is up?
Nothin'.
I heard you're doing some thing down in Denver tomorrow night.
Yeah.
I don't know if I ever told you this before,
but I'm actually an agent
over at the Super Awesome Talent Agency.
You may have seen our ads around town.
Anyway, why don't you come down to the office, Token?
Maybe I can convince the company to represent you.
I'm supposed to be home by 3:30.
This will only take a second.
Welcome to our offices, Token.
As you can see, we are quite a successful company.
Did you notice the fountain? Pretty nice, hmm?
Come right over this way, Token.
Guys, you remember Token.
He's thinking about becoming a client.
Oh, Token. Right. Yeah. You're making a smart move, man.
Now, Token, I know what you're saying to yourself.
You're saying,
[ Imitating Token ] "Hey, why do I need an agency?
Why should I give them 10%?"
[ Normal voice ] Right?
Yeah.
Token, the truth is that without representation,
you're in danger of being taken advantage of.
[ Telephone rings ]
Excuse me just a second, Token.
Super Awesome Talent Agency.
Oh, yes! Hello!
How are you, Abraham Lincoln?
Yeah, yeah.
No, I'm happy you called, Abraham Lincoln.
I'm just sort of in the middle of something right now.
Can I talk to you?
Uh, I'll call you back, Abe.
What the hell are you doing?!
I'm making it look like important people call us.
Abraham Lincoln has been dead for 200 years.
Well, Token doesn't know that.
- Yes, he does! - How?!
Token actually pays attention in school, unlike you, fat-ass!
Jew!
You guys, we're gonna lose our client.
Yes, yes. I think that's a good idea, guys.
Let's give Michael Jordan a call about that.
[ Clears throat ] Uh, now, where were we?
We were at why I should give you 10%.
Look, Token, here's the bottom line.
You're gonna start having a lot of offers coming at you
from all directions.
A media storm is about to hit you.
And you can't handle it on your own. Nobody can.
Eminem, Justin Timberlake, Hootie -- They all have agents.
You need somebody to manage it all for you.
This thing in Denver is just the crust, Token.
With our support, you can have the whole pie.
Well, I guess that makes sense. All right.
Uh, if we could just get you to sign right here?
Welcome to the team, Token.
Oh, Kenny, Token just signed with us.
Mrph rm!
From now on we are an entertainment team, Token.
You just do all the singing, all the performing,
and all the entertaining and leave the rest to us.
[Applause ]
And there are your finalists,
the 16 most beautiful women in Colorado.
Here to sing for our 16 lucky finalists,
the winner of the Colorado Child Star Contest --
Token Black.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Lou Rawls' "You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine" plays ]
[ Deep voice ] ♪ You'll never find ♪
♪ As long as you live ♪
♪ Someone who loves you ♪
♪ Tender like I do ♪
- ♪ You'll never find ♪ - Wow. He's really great.
We should get him to sing at Tommy's bar mitzvah.
Oh, you're interested in hiring our client?
We represent Token.
Give us a call. We'll work out a deal.
♪ Oh, I'm not bragging on myself, baby ♪
♪ But I'm the one who loves you, and there's no one else ♪
♪ No-o-o-o-o-o ♪
♪ One else ♪
Just between us girls,
nothing gets my vag wetter than a black man singing.
Mr. Garrison! For the love of God.
♪ You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my love ♪
- You were awesome, Token! - We knew you could do it!
$200, Token. That's great!
And 10% of $200 is...
$20.
Here you go.
- Mrph rm! - Sweet!
This is just the beginning.
I bet we start to see all kinds of offers
coming in for Token now.
Hey, there, my man. That was a great performance.
Thanks.
Don Hizeman, Creative Arts Agency in Los Angeles.
I think you've got real promise.
How would you like to sign with C.A.A.?
Are you serious?
Uh, excuse me. Token already has representation.
You may have heard of Super Awesome Talent Agency.
Mm, no.
Uh, look, Token, there's some shows in L.A.
we want to book you on right away.
If you come out to my limo, we can talk everything through.
Oh, my God. Okay!
Token, you signed with us!
Oh, come on, guys.
You have to see what a huge opportunity this is for me.
They're not so great!
They probably don't have a fountain in their lobby.
Actually, our fountain is two stories tall.
Ooh.
Come on, Token! We have a lot to talk about.
Mister, you can't do this to us.
Sorry, kids.
Nature of the business, you know?
Do you like steak, Token?
I know a great place a few blocks from here.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
God damn it!
So unfair. It's so unfair.
All that time and effort we spent helping Token,
and this is the thanks we get?
This just goes to show that hard work doesn't pay off.
I'm gonna be a homeless drug addict from now on!
Uh, hello. Is this the talent agency?
Huh?
I see sign on the street for a talent agency.
I need a representation.
Hey, wowee. Nice fountain.
You're looking for a talent agent?
No, not me. My wife.
[ Shouts in Chinese ]
This is Wing. She just come over from China.
She over here illegally. The Chinese Mafia help me out.
And what does she do?
Oh, she sing. She very popular in China.
Here. You just sit and listen, you'll be very impressed.
[ Speaking Chinese ]
[Abba's "Dancing Queen" plays ]
[ Chinese accent ] ♪ You can dance ♪
♪ You can jive ♪
♪ Having the time of your life ♪
♪ Ooh, see that girl ♪
♪ Watch that scene ♪
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
Well? What you think?
We're sorry, dude, but getting her career off the ground
would take too much work for us.
Aw. That too bad.
She just got accepted to be on "American Idol" in Los Angeles,
but I can't take her 'cause I have to mind the restaurant.
You've...already done all the work?
Yeah. They say they pay $1,000.
Sir, we would love to sign your wife.
- Yeah! - Really?
We'll go to L.A. with your wife.
All she has to do is go on the show, do all the performing,
make all the money, and leave the rest to us.
♪ Feel the beat ♪
♪ From the tambourine ♪
[ Telephone rings ]
Chitty Wok. Take your order, please.
STAN: Hi. Mr. Lu Kim?
Uh, hi. It's Wing's agents.
Everything's fine, yeah.
We're supposed to arrive in Los Angeles
in about four hours.
Listen, does your wife ever eat or anything?
Oh, don't worry about her.
She a very delicate little flower.
She -- She don't need to eat much.
All right. We'll call you after she goes on TV.
Okay, bye. Oh, wait. Can I talk to my wife, please?
Oh, sure. Here she is.
[ Shouting in Chinese ]
Okay.
Finally, everything working out for me and my family.
[ Thunder crashes ]
Welcome to Chitty Wok. Take your order, please.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
Oh, crap. Chinese Mafia.
Aaah!
[ Choking ]
Aah! Aah!
Mr. Lu Kim, it appears we have a problem.
Oh, a problem? Really?
We smuggled your wife into United States for you.
You were to pay us $10,000 for that service,
yet we have yet to be paid.
We -- We working on it.
She -- She got talent agent.
She's about to make a whole lot of money!
It's too late for that, Mr. Kim.
Your wife is now our property.
We taking her to Los Angeles, where she will work
in massage parlor until she works off the debt.
No. She -- She not here.
Please, just give a little more time.
- [ Grunts ] - Where is she?
She -- She in Alabama.
You're lying. Turn him around.
Yeah? Wha-- Aah!
You don't want to tell us where she is?
All right. [ Shouting in Chinese ]
No! My chitty chicken!
No! The chitty beef!
No! No! Wait! Please! Stop!
Please, not the chitty shrimp.
Tell us where to find her, Lu Kim.
You have no choice.
She -- She go Los Angeles with her agents.
She gonna be American Idol.
[ Sobbing ]
There it is. ""American Idol' contestants."
Jesus. We made it just in time.
Excuse us.
Hey, kid, what do you think you're doing?
Our client has an audition on this show.
Yeah. So do we.
Oh, Christ!
Dude, how long is the wait?
It's been about 17 days for me.
Oh, no. No, no, no. Come on.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Wait in line with everyone else.
No. I don't think you understand.
We're here with Wing. That's right. The Wing.
Ma'am, we are a very important talent agency.
If your producers knew you were forcing people of our stature
- to the back of the line -- - [ Imitates cellphone ringing ]
Oh, excuse me, everyone. That's my cellphone.
[ Clears throat ] Hello?
Oh, yes! Hi...Colonel Sanders.
Yes, I'm doing great, but someone at "American Idol"
doesn't know who Wing is.
Aw, just forget it!
You're right, Colonel Sanders.
You shouldn't give her any more chicken!
God damn it! God damn it!
We can't wait in line. We have to be in school on Monday.
Stupid assholes!
What do you mean your client isn't coming?
We're taping the show tomorrow!
Where am I gonna find another contestant?
Fine! Go screw yourself!
Uh, excuse me, sir.
Did I hear you say you needed somebody for your show?
We have somebody who's ready to go on TV right away.
Really?
Is there a cash prize involved in your show as well?
Well, yeah. Winner gets $1,000.
All right! Our client will do it!
Great! You kids just saved my ass.
See you over at stage six.
Hey, is your show as good as "American Idol"?
No. This is better. It's called "The Contender."
What's "The Contender"?
MAN: Tonight -- two people will compete for glory.
One will stay, one will go home,
in the new hit show by Sylvester Stallone...
Hey, yo.
MAN: ..."The Contender."
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "The Contender."
Fighting out of the red corner, wearing blue-and-white trunks --
"The Destructor" from Del Fuego, Méjico --
Manuello Fer-r-r-nando!
[ Cheering ]
Let's go! Let's see a good fight!
And fighting out of the blue corner,
wearing a gorgeous floral-patterned silk dress --
Wing!
[ Cheering ]
- Come on, Wing! - Let's do it, Wing!
- Let's go, Wing! - Mrph rm!
[ Bell rings ]
[Abba's "Fernando" plays ]
♪ There was something in the air that night ♪
♪ The stars were bright, Fernando ♪
Come on! Hit her!
♪ They were shining there for you and me ♪
ALL: Oh!
♪ For liberty ♪
Oh, my God, dude!
She's got a hell of a chin. I'll give her that.
ALL: Aww!
Lame.
Anyone?
Help four boys and a Chinese woman get back to Colorado.
Your gift of hope is a great deduction.
Hey, kid.
[ Mumbling ]
Mr. Stallone says he's sorry
it couldn't go better for you back there.
Oh. Thanks.
Yo, kid. [ Mumbling ]
Mr. Stallone thinks your singer has a lot of talent.
[ Mumbling ]
He really likes her voice.
[ Mumbling ]
You know, the way she vocalizes the melody...
[ Mumbling ]
...brings tears to his eyes.
Thanks, Mr. Stallone.
We're just sorry she wasn't a better boxer.
[ Mumbling ]
Uh, Mr. Stallone wants Wing to sing at his son's wedding.
You do?
[ Mumbling ]
He'll pay her $4,000.
$4,000?
[ Howls ]
Be at this address tomorrow, 2:00 p.m. sharp.
And don't be late.
We won't.
[ Mumbling ]
- Aah! - Aah!
- You guys! You guys! - What?
Sylvester Stallone wants Wing to sing at his son's wedding!
He's gonna pay her $4,000!
- Mrph? - Get out!
That's $400 for us. We did it!
- Whoo-hoo! - Yeah!
♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪
- ♪ Hoo! Hoo hoo hoo! ♪ - ♪ Hoo! Hoo hoo hoo! ♪
♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪
- ♪ Hoo! Hoo hoo hoo! ♪ - ♪ Hoo! Hoo hoo hoo! ♪
Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
Where's Wing?
What do you mean? We thought she was with you.
No, she was with you.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
If that big C.A.A. talent agency finds out she has work,
they're gonna try to steal her away from us again.
Wing? Wing?
- Wing! Wing! - Wing! Here, Wing.
Mrph!
You thought you could run from us, did you?
Oh, no!
Hey! That's our client!
They did it to us again!
That dirty talent agency stole our client again!
Not this time. They dropped their card.
Now we know where C.A.A. talent agency is.
And we're gonna march in there and get our client back.
You see, Mrs. Kim, when you made a deal with us,
you signed your life away.
Yes, we help Chinese citizens sneak into the U.S.,
but when they get here, they become our slaves.
It's an age-old business,
and nobody has the guts to stop us.
2490. All right. This is the place.
Damn. C.A.A. is pretty impressive.
Of course it's impressive!
They steal everyone else's clients!
[ Shouting in Chinese ]
Yeah. Whatever. You can suck our balls.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
Hello?
We want to talk to somebody right now!
Oh, my God, you guys. Look.
They do have an amazing fountain.
[ Shouting in Chinese ]
You assholes stole our client!
How about some goddamn business ethics?
You tell 'em, Kyle.
You think you own the business, but you don't.
Give us back Wing right now!
- Aah! - Mrph!
[ Gunfire ]
Jesus! They really want Wing as their client!
What the hell is that? Go, go!
Dude, maybe we should give up!
No. Screw that, dude.
If we keep letting C.A.A. take all our clients,
we're never gonna make it as talent agents!
Yeah, if these talent agents want to play rough,
we can play rough, too.
Cartman!
You want to play rough?! Okay!
Take this!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh!
We got to split up and find Wing!
You and Kenny go that way!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh!
Wing?
[ Grunting ]
- [ Dramatic music plays ] - Whoa-oh-oh!
Stupid talent agents!
Oh!
[ Screams ]
Oh! [ Screaming ]
All right, Kenny. Let's go.
Kenny?
Kenny!
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
Don't worry, Kenny. You didn't die for nothing.
We're gonna get Wing back as our client and --
and make a ton of money!
I swear it to you!
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
They killed Kenny!
You bastards!
Enough!
I have a lot of respect for you boys,
fighting your way in here.
But you come any closer and I'll blow her brains out.
Don't give us that crap.
She's no good to you dead, and you know it.
Yeah. You wouldn't kill her.
'Cause then she can't pay you money.
We know because we're in the same business you are.
This woman has a contract with us.
We own her.
She had a contract with us first.
We own her.
Her life belongs to us!
Guys, guys, guys!
Don't you see what we're doing?
Jesus.
We're not talking about an object here.
We're -- We're talking about a person.
I mean, look at what we've all become.
All this violence and anger, and for what?
For control over somebody's life
who we're all just trying to leech off of.
Yeah.
Wing doesn't belong to us or to you.
We're all just caught up in a business
that treats people like commodities.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
Perhaps...you're right.
We've spent all this time
mooching off the hopes and dreams of others,
forgetting that they are human beings.
Yeah. It's not a very satisfying feeling.
[ Sighs ]
I am tired of this business.
It is a very dirty and perverse business.
It's a lousy business. I quit.
Me too.
Aw -- Aw, guys. Come on.
We quit, too.
It's time for us to find another way to make money.
From now on, all contracts we have on people
are null and void.
- All right! - All right!
[ Mumbling ]
Mr. Stallone thanks all of you for coming to his son's wedding.
[ Mumbling ]
And now as a special treat...
it is his pleasure to give you the music of Wing!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Down-tempo introduction plays ]
♪ Sing ♪
♪ Sing a song ♪
♪ Make it simple ♪
Boys, thank you so much for everything.
You really help us out.
Yes. You were right, kids.
Her voice is so beautiful.
To think we would have made it
so nobody would ever hear her sing.
I think we all learned it's best to leave talent
to the talented people.
Can I clear some of your plates, folks?
Token?
Oh. Hey, guys.
W-What are you doing here?
- Token, you're waiting tables? - Yeah.
Well, it turns out an agency
really doesn't do anything for you.
I'm trying to work my way back home.
Oh, man. That's too bad, Token.
Hey, could you bring us some more bread?
Oh, and some more olive oil. Chop-chop.
♪ To last your whole life long ♪
My God. Her voice is so beautiful.
Yes. She's a very delicate little flower.
[ Shouting in Chinese ]
♪ Sing ♪
♪ Sing a song ♪
♪ La la-la la-la la la la-la la-la ♪
♪ La-la la la la-la-laaa ♪
♪ Sing ♪
♪ Sing a song ♪
♪ Sing out loud ♪
♪ Sing out strong ♪
♪ Sing of good things, not bad ♪
♪ Sing of the happy, not sad ♪