1
00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:12,388
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,056
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,641
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,853
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,563
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,440
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,443
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:28,946
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:33,325
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,999
Mom! Mom, get up!
We have to go!
11
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,000
Mom, get up!
12
00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,127
Oh, poopykins, it's very early.
13
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Mom, I told you --
14
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The new Sony PSP game machine
goes on sale at 7:00 a.m. today.
15
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:49,050
I have to be the first
to get one.
16
00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,134
Come on!
17
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,011
Sweetie, can't we go
after school?
18
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,929
Everyone's moms are taking
their kids after school.
19
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,181
We're outsmarting everyone
20
00:00:55,306 --> 00:00:56,599
by getting to the store
right when it opens.
21
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:57,516
Let's go!
22
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,811
I can't wait to see
the look on everyone's faces
23
00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,396
when I show up to school
with a PSP.
24
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:03,731
I wonder if Kyle will cry.
25
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:06,067
Oh, please, let Kyle cry.
26
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,613
What the hell?!
27
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:17,828
Kenny, when did you get here?
28
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Mrph rm.
29
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:21,499
Friday?!
Aw, Jesus!
30
00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:23,709
I'll just...
sort of get in -- in here.
31
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,753
Hey, dickhole,
what do you think you're doing?
32
00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:27,755
Uh, my friend Kenny was saving
my place in line.
33
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,757
There's no saving places,
fourthie.
34
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,926
Get to the back
or we'll beat your face in.
35
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:33,886
Oh, God damn it!
36
00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:39,433
They'd better not sell out.
37
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That thing is pretty cool.
What games did you get with it?
38
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It's a game called
Heaven vs. Hell.
39
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:48,984
Kenny commands the armies
of heaven
40
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,986
against the forces of Satan.
41
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,448
Dude, you see what Kenny got?
42
00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:56,575
Yes, yes! I know!
Up yours, Kyle!
43
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,910
W-What'd I do?
44
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,870
Just shut your Jew mouth!
45
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,541
MAN: Congratulations!
You have reached level 9.
46
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,167
Wow!
Level 9 already?
47
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,044
Dude, you kick ass
at Heaven vs. Hell.
48
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,296
Yeah, Kenny finally found
something he's really good at.
49
00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:12,299
[ Up-tempo funk music plays ]
50
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,563
[ Music continues ]
51
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,201
Kenny?
52
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,787
Kenny, are you still playing
with that thing?
53
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:44,540
Kenny, it's been two weeks,
and you've done nothing else.
54
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,833
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
55
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:48,335
Who cares if you almost made it
to level 60?!
56
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,337
You're wasting your life, Kenny!
57
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:53,090
If you died tomorrow, what would
you have to show for it?
58
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,384
You're gonna end up wishing
you'd done more with your life,
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00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,636
just like your deadbeat father!
60
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,013
KENNY'S DAD:
Hey, I heard that, bitch!
61
00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:00,806
I wasn't talking to you,
asshole!
62
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,808
How about I come in there
and kick your teeth in?!
63
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:03,976
I'd like to see you try!
64
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,604
KENNY'S DAD: You have to smart
off to me in my own house?!
65
00:03:06,729 --> 00:03:09,064
KENNY'S MOM: It's my house, too,
you no-good loser!
66
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,525
MAN:
You have reached level 60!
67
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:12,526
Mrph!
68
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,153
Mrph rm!
Mrph rmhmhm!
69
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,321
Mrph rmhmhm --
70
00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:21,410
Oh, yeah!
Level 4! Sweet!
71
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,621
[ Birds chirping ]
72
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,250
Mrph rmhmhm rm.
73
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,543
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
74
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,212
Mrph rm!
Mrph rm!
75
00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:33,547
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
76
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,466
Mrph rm!
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00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:38,093
[ Woman vocalizing ]
78
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,480
MAN:
Open the gate!
79
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,607
MAN:
Open the gate!
80
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,611
[ Bells chime ]
81
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,367
Welcome to the kingdom
of heaven, Kenny.
82
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:03,452
I am Peter.
83
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,413
Mrph rmh mrph rmphm?
84
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,082
There isn't much time, Kenny.
85
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:11,168
You are dead,
but your death was no accident.
86
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,003
Heaven needs you.
87
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:14,797
Mrph?
88
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,424
Come.
There's much to discuss.
89
00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:22,096
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
90
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,853
Things are not good in heaven,
Kenny.
91
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:31,772
Satan is planning
a massive attack,
92
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,275
and he knows we are too few
in number to stop him.
93
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,068
God has changed the rules here.
94
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,445
For ages, only Mormons
were allowed into heaven.
95
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,530
- Hey!
- Hi there!
96
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,198
- Hello!
- Oh, hi!
97
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,242
But knowing that hell
was becoming much larger,
98
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,077
God decided to let
more people cross over
99
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,912
so that he could build
an army as well --
100
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,707
an army that you must command.
101
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,125
Mrph rm?!
102
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:55,296
The Sony PSP was built by God
to determine who on earth
103
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,965
had the best skills to defeat
the armies of Satan.
104
00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,758
You are the best.
105
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:03,262
You are the only hope
for the universe.
106
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:07,141
Satan's army grows as we speak.
107
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:10,227
The dark lord knows that
our armies are few in number
108
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:15,357
and unorganized, so our only
hope is perfect strategy.
109
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,610
A child?
This is God's solution?
110
00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:21,947
He beat Satan's army in over
3,000 separate simulations.
111
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,658
Archangel Michael, what say you?
112
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:27,786
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
113
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,122
The child did something
none of us could --
114
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,291
reach level 60 on the PSP.
115
00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:34,293
I don't know if that's luck
or perseverance,
116
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,086
but it's goddamned impressive.
117
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:39,631
All right, Kenny, let me show
you what we're up against.
118
00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:43,385
This is the kingdom of heaven.
119
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,388
Satan's army will attack
the gates here.
120
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,308
They are 10 billion in number,
maybe more.
121
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,809
[ Sniffs ]
122
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:54,521
Our armies are here, here,
and here --
123
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:57,191
just under 10,000 strong.
124
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,109
[ Sniffs ]
125
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,403
We are outnumbered
and in need of someone
126
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,907
who can single-handedly bring
the whole dark empire down.
127
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:09,453
Basically, Kenny,
you are Keanu Reeves.
128
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:14,041
[ Dramatic music plays ]
129
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:29,973
My fellow damned souls,
now is the time for our assault.
130
00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,016
[ Roaring ]
131
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,643
You know no fear!
132
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:36,105
You will drink the blood
of angels!
133
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:39,358
We go now!
Nothing can stop us!
134
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,736
Move aside!
Step aside, I say!
135
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:45,447
Satan, God has mocked Thee
once again.
136
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,324
My spy.
137
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,785
God has found a way
to defeat your army.
138
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,245
Impossible. How?
139
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:52,454
A young man.
140
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:56,208
Basically, he --
he's like Keanu Reeves.
141
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,877
Oh, Jesus Christ.
142
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,839
My lord.
My lord, we must attack now.
143
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:04,633
What's the point?
They have a Keanu Reeves now.
144
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,511
Do not fear, my lord.
Your army is great.
145
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:08,929
Very well.
146
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,266
Demon army,
begin your march on heaven.
147
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:15,227
[ Roaring ]
148
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:18,355
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
149
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,191
MICHAEL: Up here you get
the best tactical view
150
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:22,484
to protect the fortress.
151
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,610
It is from here, Kenny,
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00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,654
that you shall command
the armies of heaven.
153
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,948
Mrph?
Mrph rmh rmphm?
154
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:28,866
Simple.
155
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,993
You will use...this.
156
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,413
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
157
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:38,876
This golden PSP
is king of all PSPs.
158
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:41,128
ALL:
Hail the Holy PSP.
159
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:43,422
It works just like the ones
we sent to earth.
160
00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:44,798
All the commands you make
161
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,259
will be sent to the troops
down on the battlefield.
162
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,386
All you have to do
is play the game, Kenny.
163
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:52,890
Only this time, it's for reals.
164
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:55,267
Gabriel returns with news.
165
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,103
Hell's army is departing.
166
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:00,147
They head now
for the gates of heaven.
167
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,983
Prepare the troops!
We must be ready for them!
168
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,109
The time is at hand, Kenny.
169
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,694
The stage is set,
and the final battle
170
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,488
between heaven and hell
is about to begin!
171
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,157
The fate of the outcome
is in your hands.
172
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,535
Where'd he go?
173
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,536
[ Monitor beeping ]
174
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,705
Doctor!
Doctor, we have a pulse!
175
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,082
Then that's it!
We've brought him back.
176
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,542
Amazing, Doctor.
177
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,877
You've revived somebody
178
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,254
who's been legally dead
for almost a day.
179
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,589
Call the parents.
180
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:30,677
They're going to be shocked
to find out their son is alive.
181
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,724
It's the latest
in electroplastilical science.
182
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,227
Your son's organs
are all functioning again.
183
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,229
It's a miracle.
184
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,939
Kenny, you're alive.
185
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,941
I'm afraid he can't respond
to you.
186
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,692
You see,
being dead for that long,
187
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,570
most of Kenny's brain cells died
from lack of oxygen.
188
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:49,738
Your son is alive
189
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,534
but in what we call
a persistive vegetative state.
190
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,035
Will he ever recover?
191
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,328
I'm afraid no.
192
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,664
Brain cells cannot be repaired
once dead.
193
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,208
But his soul is still in here.
194
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,877
Almost trapped in here,
if you will.
195
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,004
Kenny is the same
as he ever was.
196
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:10,217
It's just that now
he's more like...a tomato.
197
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,095
He can't move on his own?
How will he eat?
198
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,513
A feeding tube.
199
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,266
It pumps a nutrient paste
directly into Kenny's stomach.
200
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:19,685
With it we can actually keep
Kenny the tomato
201
00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:21,228
alive for years.
202
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,898
[ Dramatic music plays ]
203
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,276
A feeding tube?
204
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,862
Yes. Apparently they're using
machines to keep him alive.
205
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,073
But that's not natural!
206
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:36,201
God intended Kenny to die!
What are these people doing?!
207
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:40,080
The child's soul is now trapped
inside his vegetative body.
208
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,833
We have no one to command
the troops with the PSP.
209
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:45,085
And Satan's armies
are approaching.
210
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:48,297
Oh, God damn it.
211
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,469
Boys, I want to thank you
for coming down to my office
212
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,221
on such short notice.
213
00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,558
Are we in trouble or something?
214
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,560
No.
Boys, I'm a lawyer.
215
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:03,270
Your friend Kenny passed away,
216
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,647
and I've called you here
to read his will.
217
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:06,857
Kenny had a will?
218
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:07,983
[ Clears throat ]
219
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,110
"In the highly likely event
of my death,
220
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,904
I, Kenny McCormick,
wish to leave all my belongings
221
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,490
to my good friends Stan
and Kyle.
222
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:19,077
Dudes, you were the best friends
a guy could have."
223
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:20,746
Oh, wow.
224
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,956
That's...really touching.
225
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,166
Fags.
226
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:28,128
"To Eric Cartman --
Eric, I never really liked you.
227
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,838
But, then, nobody does.
228
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,923
You have no ability to feel,
229
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:34,635
and you are going to die alone
and miserable.
230
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,387
It is only because I feel
so sorry for you
231
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,848
that I leave you my Sony PSP."
232
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,601
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah, baby!
233
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,770
Who's the man?!
Who's the man?!
234
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,439
"There is one more thing
I would like to ask you all
235
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,940
as my friends.
236
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,777
If I should ever be
in a vegetative state
237
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:55,781
and kept alive on life support,
please..."
238
00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:00,327
Please what?
239
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:04,247
I don't know.
I lost the last page.
240
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:05,749
Who cares?!
Kenny's dead!
241
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,793
When do I take possession
of my PSP, sir?
242
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,087
It's right here, along with
Kenny's other belongings.
243
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:11,380
They're all yours.
244
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,466
Yes.
245
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,301
- He's alive!
- What?
246
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,554
Kenny McCormick!
He's alive at the hospital!
247
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,014
Oh, my God!
248
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:27,604
[ Dramatic music plays ]
249
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,779
Your army nears
the kingdom of heaven, my lord.
250
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,572
I don't know
if we should continue
251
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,742
without knowing more
about this Keanu Reeves God has.
252
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,286
Satan, I come bearing good news.
253
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:46,164
The Keanu Reeves boy
has been revived on earth.
254
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:48,291
His soul is no longer in heaven.
255
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:51,712
Then God is helpless.
256
00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:53,672
Full march
to the gates of heaven!
257
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,466
Victory is ours!
258
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,095
Kenny?
259
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,722
Kenny, you're alive!
260
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:03,890
Dude, how'd you do that?
261
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,976
He can't respond to you, boys.
262
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,729
Being dead for that long caused
severe damage to his brain.
263
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,814
Well --
Well, then he's not alive.
264
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,608
He's alive.
He smiled when I talked to him.
265
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:14,901
I think.
266
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,069
That's not Kenny!
267
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,280
Kenny sniffs paint and sets
things on fire. Here. Look.
268
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,575
Kenny? Kenny, look.
You want a dollar?
269
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,951
I don't know if it's right
270
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,870
to keep Kenny alive
on that machine.
271
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:27,414
I-I just -- I don't know
what he would want.
272
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,207
Yeah.
The lawyer lost that page.
273
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,333
Oh, I just remembered!
274
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:31,877
Kenny told me this one time
275
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,337
that he wouldn't want to be
kept alive by a feeding tube.
276
00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:35,380
He did?
When?
277
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:38,091
Um, it was, um, this one time.
278
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,593
He did not say that.
279
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,012
You just want him dead
so you can have his stupid PSP!
280
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,930
Stupid?
PSP is stupid?!
281
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,182
Did you all hear that?!
282
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,684
I mean -- I mean
this isn't about PSP, Kyle.
283
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,728
This is about my friend
and his wishes.
284
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,521
And Kenny said he didn't want to
live like this.
285
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,689
- He did not!
- Did so!
286
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:53,774
- Did not!
- Fine!
287
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,358
We'll see about this,
you frickin' Jew!
288
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:57,110
I'm gonna get that
feeding tube removed
289
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,696
if I have to go all the way
to the Supreme Court!
290
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,907
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
291
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,619
Satan's army has crossed over
the plains of limbo.
292
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,204
Then they will be here
on the morrow.
293
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:08,413
Without Kenny's soul here,
294
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,749
there will be nobody
who can use the Holy PSP.
295
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:13,543
No!
There is another.
296
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,755
A Japanese boy did make it
to level 59.
297
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,883
Are you stupid, Uriel?
298
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,093
Japanese people
don't have souls.
299
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:22,928
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
300
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:24,387
- Yeah!
- Yeah, Uriel.
301
00:13:24,513 --> 00:13:25,972
Oh, right, right.
I'm sorry.
302
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,184
Kenny remains our only hope.
Here is what we must do.
303
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,061
Gabriel and Uriel,
you go down to earth
304
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,646
and try to get
that feeding tube removed.
305
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,564
In the meantime...
[ Sniffs ]
306
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,483
...we will put all our troops
at heaven's gate.
307
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,735
We will try to keep hell's army
from breaking through
308
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:39,861
as long as possible.
309
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,029
[ Sniffs ]
310
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,864
Hopefully,
it will be long enough
311
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,867
to get our Keanu Reeves back.
312
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,035
[ Birds chirping ]
313
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,162
You see, Your Honors,
I was the only one
314
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,331
that Kenny McCormick
told his wishes to.
315
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:52,749
And Kenny told me specifically
316
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,418
that he would never want to be
kept alive on machines.
317
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:58,004
What they are doing to him
is not right.
318
00:13:58,588 --> 00:13:59,923
Well, I'm sorry, young man,
319
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,925
but the parents want
their child kept alive.
320
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,177
I don't believe you have
any legal authority here.
321
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,137
I do have legal authority,
Your Honor.
322
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:10,600
You see, I was Kenny's BFF.
323
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,435
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
324
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,104
Best friends forever?
325
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:14,980
That's right.
326
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,731
Kenny and I have been BFFs
since first grade.
327
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,233
Here. Look.
328
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,694
Kenny has the other half
of this BFF necklace.
329
00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:22,571
I believe you all know
what that means
330
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,948
and how serious this is.
331
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:29,202
Look, Kenny. Your friends
are here to visit you again.
332
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,079
But this just doesn't
seem right.
333
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,706
W-What's the matter, Doctor?
334
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,541
I'm afraid I've been given
a court order
335
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,126
to remove Kenny's feeding tube.
336
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,002
What?
337
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,295
He's right in here.
338
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,212
Cartman!
339
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,006
Kenny's BFF says
340
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,466
that Kenny didn't want to be
kept alive artificially.
341
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:46,177
The courts have determined
we must obey his wish.
342
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,430
Cartman is not Kenny's BFF!
343
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,223
Sir, take a look at this.
344
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,517
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
345
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,895
That's all the verification
we need.
346
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,479
Pull the feeding tube, Doctor.
347
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:57,814
No, Doctor, you can't!
348
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,483
I'm sorry.
I have no choice.
349
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,781
GABRIEL:
Here is the hospital.
350
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:07,991
This is hopeless, Gabriel.
351
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,701
We cannot interact
with anything on earth.
352
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,703
How can we possibly get
a feeding tube removed?
353
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:14,456
That dirty, evil,
no-good son of a bitch!
354
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,333
Now that Cartman
got Kenny's feeding tube out,
355
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:17,834
he's gonna die for sure.
356
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,336
The tube has been removed?
357
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,713
How can they let an 8-year-old
decide Kenny's fate?
358
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,132
Apparently some blessed child
has done our work for us.
359
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,258
Good.
360
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,177
Now all we must do is pray
nobody interferes
361
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,845
with the child's death
a second time.
362
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,305
Dude, we have to do
whatever we can
363
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,848
to get that feeding tube
put back in.
364
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,308
- Yeah.
- No!
365
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,893
Let's go to the, uh, media.
366
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,311
We'll make everyone
in the country know
367
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,312
they're killing Kenny.
368
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,355
Yeah! Come on!
369
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,023
No. No.
No! Boys!
370
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,983
Aw, God damn it!
371
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,695
MAN:
This is HBC news.
372
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,489
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
373
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,492
A right-to-die debate
is heating up in Colorado,
374
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,118
where Kenny McCormick's
feeding tube
375
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,496
has been removed by his BFF.
376
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,998
Two boys are bringing
national attention to the story
377
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,417
by protesting outside
the hospital.
378
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:01,753
Don't kill Kenny!
379
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:02,963
ALL:
You bastards!
380
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,506
Don't kill Kenny!
381
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,757
ALL:
You bastards!
382
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:07,384
No!
No, they're not killing him.
383
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:08,635
They're letting him die!
384
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,304
You bureaucrats have no right
to play God
385
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,847
and take that tube out!
386
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,516
No, no.
See, they were playing God
387
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,267
when they put
the feeding tube in.
388
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:19,145
A woman was arrested for trying
to bring food to the patient.
389
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,940
Get your man hands off of me!
390
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,817
However,
a growing number of people
391
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:27,237
are also standing behind
Kenny's BFF, Eric Cartman.
392
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:30,532
We must respect the wishes
of people's BFFs.
393
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:34,536
Otherwise, all our BFF necklaces
would become meaningless.
394
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,204
We all have BFFs,
395
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:39,582
and we believe a BFF
is the highest legal authority.
396
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,460
That's right.
Respect our authoritah.
397
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:45,046
What mockery is this?!
398
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,464
My lord?
399
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,008
The feeding tube
has been pulled.
400
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,260
If the child dies
and his soul returns to heaven,
401
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:52,303
God will have his Keanu Reeves.
402
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:55,348
Perhaps the child won't die
in time.
403
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,100
Forget it!
I'm calling the attack off.
404
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:58,101
No!
405
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,729
Keep your army marching,
my lord.
406
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:04,065
I will get that feeding tube
put back in.
407
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,400
How?
408
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:09,320
I will do what we always do --
use the Republicans.
409
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,742
We Republicans
are deeply saddened
410
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,952
by the tragic events
in Colorado.
411
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,038
[ Cheering ]
412
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:21,708
Removing the feeding tube
is murder. [ Hisses ]
413
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:24,419
Removing the feeding tube
is murder.
414
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,422
Who are we to decide
that Kenny should live or die?
415
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,842
Who are we to decide
that Kenny should live or die?
416
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,261
It is God's will that he live.
[ Hisses ]
417
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,513
It is God's will that he live!
418
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,098
[ Hisses ]
419
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,142
[ Imitates hissing ]
420
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,685
No, no.
You don't say that part.
421
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:41,644
[ Hisses ]
422
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,772
No, no.
You don't say that part.
423
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,148
[ Imitates hissing ]
424
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,203
Jesus.
Their army is massive.
425
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,413
Heaven help us.
426
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:03,458
The biggest battle of all time
is about to begin --
427
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,168
the battle
of the feeding tube --
428
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,337
as people on both sides
of the argument
429
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:08,838
vie for media attention.
430
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,924
[ Indistinct shouting ]
431
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,843
We want all the country to see
that Kenny is alive and in pain.
432
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,346
I believe the people at home
can see he's not in pain
433
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,472
because he's a tomato.
434
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,432
You say tomato, but I say Kenny!
435
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:21,184
You say Kenny, but I say tomato!
436
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:22,769
- Tomato!
- Kenny!
437
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:25,021
- Kenny!
- Tomato!
438
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,356
Uh, excuse me.
439
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:29,651
I, uh, just found the last page
of Kenny's will.
440
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,736
[ Monitor beeping ]
441
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:32,570
What?
442
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:35,323
I found the page where
Kenny specified his wishes
443
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,075
about being on life support.
444
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,952
Well, what does it say?
445
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,079
[ Clears throat ]
"If I should ever be
446
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:45,083
in a vegetative state
and kept alive on life support,
447
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,626
please...
448
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,464
...for the love of God, don't
ever show me in that condition
449
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,925
on national television."
450
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,263
Ooh.
451
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,223
Whoops.
452
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:01,975
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
453
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,309
Oh, geez.
454
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,353
Maybe we let this thing
get out of hand.
455
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,813
This issue is so complicated,
456
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:10,108
but maybe we should
just let Kenny go in peace.
457
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:12,235
You mean Cartman's side
is right?
458
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,863
Cartman's side is right
for the wrong reasons,
459
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,740
but we're wrong
for the right reasons.
460
00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:18,825
ALL:
Yeah.
461
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:19,951
Come on, everybody.
462
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,287
I think Kenny
wants to be left alone.
463
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,708
[ Music continues ]
464
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:31,921
We've just received word that
Kenny McCormick has passed away.
465
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,007
The debate still rages on
in America,
466
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:38,887
but at least now Kenny is in
a much more peaceful place.
467
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:41,472
Satan's army has broken through
the gates!
468
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,183
We're gonna die!
469
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,226
Send all troops
to the battlefield.
470
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,061
I will command as best I can.
471
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,605
Michael!
Michael!
472
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,149
The humans finally did
the right thing!
473
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,151
Oh, my God.
They killed Kenny!
474
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,903
Get him into
the command station! Hurry!
475
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,446
Satan's army charges.
476
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,156
Tell our troops
what to do, Kenny.
477
00:19:58,281 --> 00:19:59,741
[ Beeping ]
478
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,075
So it begins.
479
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,369
Now we shall see
the final battle
480
00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:06,122
between heaven and hell
play out.
481
00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,751
[ Beeping continues ]
482
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:12,795
Yes!
Good, Kenny.
483
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:15,215
The angel spearmen are taking
out their demon soulrippers.
484
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,966
[ Indistinct shouting,
metal clashing ]
485
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,551
Oh, the calvary angels
are clashing
486
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,345
with their black knights.
487
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:23,389
Oh, my God!
My God, this battle is epic!
488
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,476
Oh, they're bringing in
their demon dragons.
489
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,603
Look at the size of them!
490
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,899
My God, this is even bigger
than the final battle
491
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,359
in the "Lord of the Rings"
movie!
492
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,153
It's like -- it's like 10 times
bigger than that battle.
493
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,908
No! No!
How are we losing?
494
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:45,078
The child's soul is in heaven!
God has his secret weapon!
495
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,496
Full retreat!
496
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:47,747
Patience, my lord.
497
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:48,748
No, Kevin!
498
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,292
That's it --
I'm breaking up with you!
499
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,294
[ Hisses ]
500
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,129
Yes.
Yes, Kenny!
501
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,006
Satan's forces are retreating!
502
00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:59,133
This is truly a sight to behold.
503
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,177
Oh, I wish I had a camcorder!
504
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:04,514
We have done it!
505
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:07,058
We have defeated
the armies of Satan!
506
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,520
ALL:
Yay!
507
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,106
Kenny, bless your soul!
508
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:14,899
You've saved all of heaven!
509
00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:16,234
Yes, Kenny.
510
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,152
And to thank you
for what you've done,
511
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,364
we are going to give you
a very special gift.
512
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:24,242
For saving the entire universe
from the forces of evil,
513
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,911
we give you this...
514
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:31,082
...Keanu Reeves statue.
515
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,209
Congratulations.