1
00:00:03,473 --> 00:00:05,179
Hey, can you help me
put some of the food out?
2
00:00:05,180 --> 00:00:07,046
Yeah. Let me finish
packing this stuff up.
3
00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:09,315
You know how Sheldon is
if he sees Christmas stuff
4
00:00:09,317 --> 00:00:10,917
lying around after New Year's.
5
00:00:10,919 --> 00:00:13,319
Yeah, but he doesn't
live here anymore.
6
00:00:13,321 --> 00:00:15,054
Well, he doesn't live at
Walmart, but he still threw
7
00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:19,292
a tantrum when he saw
Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.
8
00:00:19,294 --> 00:00:20,960
And that's the same man
who complains
9
00:00:20,962 --> 00:00:24,397
you can't find Marshmallow Peeps
after Easter.
10
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:25,898
(phone chimes)
11
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:28,234
Oh. It's Bernadette.
She says they're running late.
12
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:29,669
"The baby threw up on Howard,
13
00:00:29,671 --> 00:00:32,605
and then Howard threw up
on Howard."
14
00:00:32,607 --> 00:00:35,741
Well, he didn't throw up
on the baby. That's a win.
15
00:00:35,743 --> 00:00:36,909
(door opens)
16
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,678
- Hello.
- Hi.
17
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,079
Hi! Welcome back. How was Texas?
18
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,782
Oh, you know. The
Lone Star state. Hmm.
19
00:00:42,784 --> 00:00:44,517
That should be its Yelp rating.
20
00:00:44,519 --> 00:00:47,687
It was not a great trip.
21
00:00:47,689 --> 00:00:48,788
Well, you're home now.
22
00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:50,156
Yeah. It is good to be home.
23
00:00:50,158 --> 00:00:53,226
I... Oh, good Lord!
Is that mistletoe?
24
00:00:53,228 --> 00:00:55,995
Don't you maniacs
own a calendar?
25
00:00:55,997 --> 00:00:59,198
I told him to take it down.
He would not listen to me.
26
00:01:00,668 --> 00:01:04,237
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
27
00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:07,573
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
28
00:01:07,575 --> 00:01:09,242
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
29
00:01:09,244 --> 00:01:11,744
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
30
00:01:11,746 --> 00:01:14,213
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
31
00:01:14,215 --> 00:01:17,083
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
32
00:01:17,085 --> 00:01:18,985
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
33
00:01:18,987 --> 00:01:19,953
♪ Bang! ♪
34
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:23,954
♪ The Big Bang Theory 10x12 ♪
The Holiday Summation
Original Air Date o
35
00:01:23,955 --> 00:01:29,555
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
36
00:01:29,565 --> 00:01:31,799
Did you at least have
a good flight down there?
37
00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:33,100
It was fine.
38
00:01:33,102 --> 00:01:35,302
Other than the weird-tasting
juice Amy gave me.
39
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,005
I slept the whole way.
40
00:01:38,007 --> 00:01:41,142
So, what happened in Texas
that was so bad?
41
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:42,576
And before our next
drive to Comic-Con,
42
00:01:42,578 --> 00:01:44,712
I need the name of that juice.
43
00:01:44,714 --> 00:01:48,482
Well, we were on our way
to my mother's house...
44
00:01:50,653 --> 00:01:54,288
(gasps)
How did we get in the car?
45
00:01:54,290 --> 00:01:56,057
LEONARD:
Hold on.
46
00:01:56,826 --> 00:01:58,526
How did you get him
in the car?
47
00:01:58,528 --> 00:02:00,161
I rented one of those carts,
48
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:02,430
pushed him toward the open
door and just let inertia
49
00:02:02,432 --> 00:02:04,965
take care of the rest.
50
00:02:07,770 --> 00:02:09,603
So, while we're at
your mother's house,
51
00:02:09,605 --> 00:02:13,407
it might be a good time to tell
her that we're living together.
52
00:02:13,409 --> 00:02:14,942
Do we have to?
53
00:02:14,944 --> 00:02:18,179
I really don't want
to hear the religious lecture.
54
00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:20,347
Maybe there won't be one.
55
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,683
(scoffs)
There's always one.
56
00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:25,286
She gave it to my sister
about her boyfriend,
57
00:02:25,288 --> 00:02:27,188
my brother about his girlfriend,
58
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:29,356
my father about his girlfriend.
59
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:34,095
That one had some
un-Christian words in it.
60
00:02:34,097 --> 00:02:36,530
Well, she likes me.
61
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:39,033
You know, there's a chance
she might be okay with it.
62
00:02:39,035 --> 00:02:41,068
Eh, I don't know.
63
00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:43,170
I am her precious little boy.
64
00:02:43,172 --> 00:02:46,874
And you did take my flower.
65
00:02:48,845 --> 00:02:51,746
Do boys have flowers?
66
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,617
Who knows what he has
down there.
67
00:02:55,641 --> 00:02:56,752
Mm.
68
00:02:56,753 --> 00:02:58,252
Anyway...
69
00:02:58,254 --> 00:03:00,788
Thank you, God, for the food
we are about to receive
70
00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:02,857
and for the nourishment
of our bodies
71
00:03:02,859 --> 00:03:04,892
and bless the hands
that prepared it.
72
00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:06,927
Amen.
73
00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:09,530
Given that your
hands prepared it,
74
00:03:09,532 --> 00:03:11,766
isn't that a little
self-serving?
75
00:03:11,768 --> 00:03:14,401
You start changing
the words to the prayers,
76
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:18,572
next thing you know, you're
in a church with a guitar.
77
00:03:19,542 --> 00:03:22,910
Thank you for cooking,
it looks delicious.
78
00:03:22,912 --> 00:03:24,678
Oh, it's my pleasure. Mm.
79
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,313
I'm so glad y'all could make it.
80
00:03:26,315 --> 00:03:27,748
So, tell me,
what's going on back home?
81
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:31,318
Well, uh, Howard and Bernadette
had their baby.
82
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,521
(gasps)
Oh, that's wonderful!
83
00:03:33,523 --> 00:03:38,692
Now, have they decided
to raise it Jewish or regular?
84
00:03:42,698 --> 00:03:44,965
Welcome to Texas.
85
00:03:44,967 --> 00:03:48,235
They haven't said.
86
00:03:49,338 --> 00:03:50,638
Anyway, we, uh, we also have
87
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,373
some exciting news to share.
88
00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:54,875
(gasps) Oh, wait, wait...
I... Shouldn't we just eat?
89
00:03:54,877 --> 00:03:57,678
You know, I mean, God did take
time out of his busy schedule
90
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,947
to bless these Sloppy Joes.
91
00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:02,149
Come on, Shelly,
tell me your news.
92
00:04:02,151 --> 00:04:04,885
All right. This is on you.
(clears throat)
93
00:04:04,887 --> 00:04:09,290
Amy and I are living together
in sin,
94
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:12,560
like a couple of New Yorkers.
95
00:04:12,562 --> 00:04:16,230
Now, while you scold us, I'm
going to get a knife and a fork.
96
00:04:16,232 --> 00:04:18,265
Joe may be sloppy,
but Sheldon's not.
97
00:04:20,570 --> 00:04:22,570
Well, thank you
for letting me know,
98
00:04:22,572 --> 00:04:25,806
and I, for one, am thrilled.
99
00:04:27,343 --> 00:04:28,976
What?
100
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:31,846
What... Where's the judgment?
101
00:04:31,848 --> 00:04:34,481
W-Where's the fire
and brimstone?
102
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,617
Where's the part where you tell
us we're going to Hell
103
00:04:36,619 --> 00:04:38,118
and I say have you seen
the size of the bugs outside?
104
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,286
We're already there!
105
00:04:40,590 --> 00:04:43,624
Obviously, I would prefer if you
weren't living out of wedlock,
106
00:04:43,626 --> 00:04:45,893
but given
your special circumstances,
107
00:04:45,895 --> 00:04:48,929
I'm very happy for you.
108
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:55,102
And what "special circumstances"
are those?
109
00:04:55,104 --> 00:04:58,005
Oh, boy, I think it's
about to get bad.
110
00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:01,508
Shelly, how do I put this?
111
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,144
By your third birthday,
you had memorized
112
00:05:04,146 --> 00:05:07,181
over a thousand different kinds
of trains,
113
00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:09,450
and I never imagined
114
00:05:09,452 --> 00:05:13,854
a woman getting aboard
any of them.
115
00:05:16,726 --> 00:05:19,927
What, so... You thought
I was going to be alone
116
00:05:19,929 --> 00:05:21,729
for the rest of my life?
117
00:05:21,731 --> 00:05:23,898
No! Just for the middle part.
118
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:27,501
'Cause at the end
I assumed there'd be nurses.
119
00:05:29,038 --> 00:05:31,472
Well, this is highly insulting.
120
00:05:31,474 --> 00:05:33,207
Sheldon, don't overreact.
121
00:05:33,209 --> 00:05:35,276
I'm the child
she was worried about?
122
00:05:35,278 --> 00:05:36,610
I have a brother and sister
123
00:05:36,612 --> 00:05:38,345
whose combined
intellectual wattage
124
00:05:38,347 --> 00:05:40,581
couldn't power a potato clock,
125
00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:42,349
if I spotted them the potato.
126
00:05:45,821 --> 00:05:47,454
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
127
00:05:47,456 --> 00:05:50,658
Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
128
00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:51,659
What?
129
00:05:51,661 --> 00:05:52,993
Well, I was in my room,
130
00:05:52,995 --> 00:05:54,895
I couldn't hear
what they were saying.
131
00:05:56,866 --> 00:05:59,199
I'll take over from here.
132
00:05:59,201 --> 00:06:02,303
AMY:
He's been in there a long time.
133
00:06:02,305 --> 00:06:05,172
Should I go talk to him?
134
00:06:05,174 --> 00:06:07,808
He's upset with me. I should be
the one who talks to him.
135
00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:13,213
Are you going to?
136
00:06:13,215 --> 00:06:15,182
Oh, heck no.
137
00:06:28,497 --> 00:06:32,266
Sheldon, what...
what are you doing?
138
00:06:32,268 --> 00:06:35,469
Just being
the un-socialized eccentric
139
00:06:35,471 --> 00:06:38,672
my mother
always thought I was.
140
00:06:39,809 --> 00:06:42,242
You startin' to see
why I didn't go in there?
141
00:06:43,546 --> 00:06:45,045
Sheldon, if you're trying
to prove me wrong,
142
00:06:45,047 --> 00:06:48,415
the tighty-whities on your head
ain't changing my mind.
143
00:06:49,385 --> 00:06:52,453
We're ignoring
the fins... Okay.
144
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:55,189
Yeah. And I don't understand
why you're taking her side.
145
00:06:55,191 --> 00:06:58,192
By being my girlfriend, she's
saying you're a weirdo, too.
146
00:06:58,194 --> 00:07:00,361
I don't think that's
what she's saying.
147
00:07:00,363 --> 00:07:01,762
And...?
148
00:07:01,764 --> 00:07:04,531
That's exactly
what she was saying.
149
00:07:06,102 --> 00:07:08,202
Can you believe my mother
thinks we're both strange?
150
00:07:08,204 --> 00:07:09,870
Absolutely not!
151
00:07:09,872 --> 00:07:11,138
(quietly):
That's... too loud.
152
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:13,674
Absolutely not.
153
00:07:14,857 --> 00:07:16,322
Well, after that,
Sheldon and I
154
00:07:16,323 --> 00:07:17,990
got out of the
house for a while.
155
00:07:17,992 --> 00:07:20,426
Well, first we buttered my feet
to get the swim fins off,
156
00:07:20,428 --> 00:07:21,760
and then we went out.
157
00:07:24,165 --> 00:07:26,231
You know, I'm sorry your
mother made you feel bad.
158
00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:28,734
But, you know, at the end
of the day, she was wrong,
159
00:07:28,736 --> 00:07:31,670
because you're not alone.
160
00:07:31,672 --> 00:07:33,372
You're right.
161
00:07:33,374 --> 00:07:35,474
I have Leonard
and Howard and Raj,
162
00:07:35,476 --> 00:07:38,277
Stuart, Penny,
163
00:07:38,279 --> 00:07:41,113
Leonard's mom, Bernadette,
Wil Wheaton...
164
00:07:41,115 --> 00:07:44,316
What about the woman who just
buttered your big flat feet?
165
00:07:45,152 --> 00:07:47,953
I was going chronologically.
166
00:07:47,955 --> 00:07:49,888
You're right between
Koothrappali's father
167
00:07:49,890 --> 00:07:52,925
and Omar, the one-eyed
Sparkletts guy.
168
00:07:52,927 --> 00:07:55,761
Well, let's try to not let it
ruin the rest of our trip.
169
00:07:55,763 --> 00:07:57,496
I knew we should've
never mentioned
170
00:07:57,498 --> 00:08:00,265
us living together
in the first place.
171
00:08:00,267 --> 00:08:01,900
She was gonna find out
eventually.
172
00:08:01,902 --> 00:08:03,135
Disagree.
173
00:08:03,137 --> 00:08:05,404
We've known about evolution
since 1859.
174
00:08:05,406 --> 00:08:09,341
She still believes in Noah
and his amazing zoo boat.
175
00:08:10,377 --> 00:08:11,710
This could have all been avoided
176
00:08:11,712 --> 00:08:13,378
if you'd only listened to me.
177
00:08:13,380 --> 00:08:16,048
Sheldon,
178
00:08:16,050 --> 00:08:18,196
I knew your mother was fine
with us living together
179
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:20,130
because I already
told her we were.
180
00:08:22,319 --> 00:08:23,575
Why would you do that?
181
00:08:23,773 --> 00:08:25,473
This was a potential issue,
182
00:08:25,475 --> 00:08:27,208
so I got out ahead of it
183
00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:29,978
and I managed
the situation for you.
184
00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:33,548
You "managed the situation."
185
00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:34,749
That's right.
186
00:08:34,751 --> 00:08:37,685
So my mother thought I was
incapable of finding a mate,
187
00:08:37,687 --> 00:08:40,989
and my mate thinks I'm incapable
of running my own life.
188
00:08:40,991 --> 00:08:43,057
Not your whole life!
189
00:08:43,059 --> 00:08:44,892
I mean, science.
You got that.
190
00:08:44,894 --> 00:08:47,495
Organizing your sock drawer,
you're the king.
191
00:08:48,531 --> 00:08:51,332
But understanding
how other people are feeling,
192
00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:53,368
that's a weak spot for you.
193
00:08:53,370 --> 00:08:54,936
I have gotten
much better at that.
194
00:08:54,938 --> 00:08:58,373
Have you?
How am I feeling right now?
195
00:08:58,375 --> 00:09:00,541
What the... How should I know?
196
00:09:01,478 --> 00:09:04,846
Excited? Itchy?
Give me the first letter.
197
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:07,915
You and I are in
a relationship.
198
00:09:07,917 --> 00:09:09,884
I help you with
your shortcomings,
199
00:09:09,886 --> 00:09:12,120
and you help me with mine.
200
00:09:12,122 --> 00:09:13,721
How would you feel
if I contacted
201
00:09:13,723 --> 00:09:15,390
your mother behind your back?
202
00:09:15,392 --> 00:09:19,260
Delighted that you showed any
interest in my family at all?
203
00:09:19,262 --> 00:09:20,695
"Delighted"?
204
00:09:20,697 --> 00:09:23,164
What... Not if I guessed
for a hundred years.
205
00:09:24,367 --> 00:09:25,500
(knocking on door)
206
00:09:25,502 --> 00:09:27,802
Hi.
Hey, guys.
207
00:09:27,804 --> 00:09:29,971
Hey.
Hi. There's the little family!
208
00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:32,206
Hello.
Hello.
209
00:09:33,643 --> 00:09:35,443
And their Sherpas.
Mm-hmm.
210
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,680
The baby's asleep,
can we put her in your room?
211
00:09:38,682 --> 00:09:40,315
Yeah. Go ahead.
Do you need help?
212
00:09:40,317 --> 00:09:42,183
No. I got it.
213
00:09:42,185 --> 00:09:44,452
Doubtfire, Poppins, follow me.
214
00:09:47,190 --> 00:09:48,623
Sorry we're late.
215
00:09:48,625 --> 00:09:50,858
Oh, it's no problem, Amy and
Sheldon were just telling us
216
00:09:50,860 --> 00:09:52,126
about their trip to Texas.
217
00:09:52,128 --> 00:09:53,328
Yeah. Here.
218
00:09:53,330 --> 00:09:54,495
I'll catch you up.
219
00:09:54,497 --> 00:09:56,564
(gasps)
How did we get in the car?
220
00:09:56,566 --> 00:09:57,598
Stop.
221
00:09:59,035 --> 00:10:01,636
Okay. They told Mary
they were living together,
222
00:10:01,638 --> 00:10:03,805
there was a fight, he
got his feelings hurt,
223
00:10:03,807 --> 00:10:04,819
then he put underwear
on his head...
224
00:10:04,843 --> 00:10:05,774
On purpose,
225
00:10:05,775 --> 00:10:08,409
not the way it used to
happen in high school.
226
00:10:08,411 --> 00:10:12,747
I was acting odd
intentionally.
227
00:10:12,749 --> 00:10:15,216
Really? So you can control it?
228
00:10:17,787 --> 00:10:19,220
Okay. Then what happened?
229
00:10:19,222 --> 00:10:21,422
Well, there's really
not much left to tell.
230
00:10:21,424 --> 00:10:23,991
I decided that my mother
views me as a child
231
00:10:23,993 --> 00:10:26,027
because I never went through
a rebellious phase,
232
00:10:26,029 --> 00:10:28,463
so, I got an earring.
233
00:10:28,465 --> 00:10:31,666
(click, then Sheldon screams)
234
00:10:31,668 --> 00:10:34,202
My mother made me
take it out.
235
00:10:34,204 --> 00:10:36,904
(screams)
236
00:10:36,906 --> 00:10:39,574
Amy put alcohol on it.
237
00:10:39,576 --> 00:10:42,276
(screams)
238
00:10:42,278 --> 00:10:45,713
And here we are.
239
00:10:45,715 --> 00:10:47,048
What did we miss?
240
00:10:47,050 --> 00:10:49,784
I couldn't explain it
if I tried.
241
00:10:58,145 --> 00:11:01,713
So tell me, how did Sheldon
look with an earring?
242
00:11:01,715 --> 00:11:03,448
Like the pirate who helps
the other pirates
243
00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:07,052
connect to the Internet.
244
00:11:07,788 --> 00:11:09,154
So what did you
and Leonard do?
245
00:11:09,156 --> 00:11:11,623
Actually, we got in
a pretty nasty fight.
246
00:11:11,625 --> 00:11:13,425
It might've been
the worst one we've ever had.
247
00:11:13,427 --> 00:11:14,459
Oh, my God,
what happened?
248
00:11:14,461 --> 00:11:16,094
Well, we had started
249
00:11:16,096 --> 00:11:18,297
binge-watching
Luke Cage together,
250
00:11:18,299 --> 00:11:20,632
and it was kind of
our thing, and then,
251
00:11:20,634 --> 00:11:24,736
I find out that she watched
two episodes without me.
252
00:11:24,738 --> 00:11:29,508
It's like I was excited
for a present and got socks.
253
00:11:30,511 --> 00:11:32,144
I don't understand how
that turns into
254
00:11:32,146 --> 00:11:33,812
the worst fight of your life.
255
00:11:33,814 --> 00:11:36,114
I don't understand
what's wrong with socks.
256
00:11:36,116 --> 00:11:38,183
To be fair,
we may have been on edge
257
00:11:38,185 --> 00:11:39,918
because of the Christmas tree.
258
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,054
What happened
with the tree?
259
00:11:42,056 --> 00:11:47,659
("Sleigh Ride"
by The Ronettes plays)
260
00:11:47,661 --> 00:11:48,860
You do make a cute elf.
261
00:11:48,862 --> 00:11:50,195
Oh, yeah?
262
00:11:50,197 --> 00:11:54,333
And you thought Spock ears
were only good for Comic-Con.
263
00:11:54,335 --> 00:11:55,934
Hey, hey, I just found a farm
264
00:11:55,936 --> 00:11:57,936
where they let you chop down
your own tree.
265
00:11:57,938 --> 00:12:03,575
Oh cool, I'll be like
a pointy-eared Paul Bunyan.
266
00:12:10,751 --> 00:12:13,318
Stupid idea.
267
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,620
No, what's stupid is a physicist
268
00:12:15,622 --> 00:12:17,622
who doesn't understand
when you swing an axe,
269
00:12:17,624 --> 00:12:20,692
you don't let go.
270
00:12:20,694 --> 00:12:23,829
For the tenth time,
my mittens were slippery!
271
00:12:23,831 --> 00:12:25,130
Ugh.
272
00:12:25,132 --> 00:12:28,567
It's 70 degrees,
you didn't need mittens.
273
00:12:28,569 --> 00:12:31,870
You know how easily I blister.
274
00:12:31,872 --> 00:12:33,872
Yes, yes,
you bruise, you peel.
275
00:12:33,874 --> 00:12:37,776
It's like I'm married
to an old piece of fruit.
276
00:12:37,778 --> 00:12:40,212
Look, we could keep fighting
and let it ruin our night,
277
00:12:40,214 --> 00:12:43,081
or-or we can stop
and try to salvage the evening.
278
00:12:43,083 --> 00:12:45,217
Fine.
Thank you.
279
00:12:52,359 --> 00:12:53,358
Leonard?
280
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,526
Yeah.
281
00:12:54,528 --> 00:12:58,864
There's something
on the windshield.
282
00:12:58,866 --> 00:13:01,032
(grunting)
283
00:13:05,572 --> 00:13:07,239
You need a break?
284
00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:09,408
Do not need a break.
285
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:10,909
There's no shame
in asking for a break.
286
00:13:10,911 --> 00:13:13,011
If I need a break,
I'll ask for a break!
287
00:13:13,013 --> 00:13:15,046
Ugh.
288
00:13:15,048 --> 00:13:16,114
Leonard?
289
00:13:16,116 --> 00:13:17,282
Yeah?
290
00:13:21,755 --> 00:13:23,588
There's a tree on you.
291
00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:28,093
Oh!
292
00:13:28,095 --> 00:13:29,261
Sh...
293
00:13:30,864 --> 00:13:31,997
Ooh.
294
00:13:31,999 --> 00:13:32,931
Ah.
295
00:13:32,933 --> 00:13:34,466
You want to
decorate it tonight?
296
00:13:34,468 --> 00:13:36,935
Yeah, with gasoline
and a match? Sure.
297
00:13:40,274 --> 00:13:41,673
(both groan)
298
00:13:41,675 --> 00:13:43,575
(both panting)
299
00:13:43,577 --> 00:13:47,045
(animal chittering)
300
00:13:50,984 --> 00:13:54,753
I hope it kills us both.
301
00:13:54,755 --> 00:13:56,855
By the way,
if anyone asks,
302
00:13:56,857 --> 00:14:00,525
the elevator shaft
always had a tree in it.
303
00:14:00,527 --> 00:14:04,229
So Bernadette,
if I express
304
00:14:04,231 --> 00:14:07,899
interest in your baby will you
promise not to make me touch it?
305
00:14:07,901 --> 00:14:09,968
Sure.
306
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:12,537
Hey, how's life
with your baby?
307
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:15,707
Really? You're never
gonna touch their baby?
308
00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:18,577
To this day
I've never touched Stuart.
309
00:14:22,616 --> 00:14:26,451
It's been wonderful, Sheldon,
thanks for asking.
310
00:14:26,453 --> 00:14:28,220
(baby crying)
311
00:14:28,222 --> 00:14:31,022
BERNADETTE: Oh, please stop
crying, I'm begging you!
312
00:14:31,024 --> 00:14:32,924
I don't know what else to do!
313
00:14:32,926 --> 00:14:36,094
My boobs are empty.
Do you want lasagna?
314
00:14:36,096 --> 00:14:39,698
(baby continues crying)
315
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:43,034
Shh, shh, shh,
it's okay, it's okay.
316
00:14:43,036 --> 00:14:44,769
Shh.
317
00:14:44,771 --> 00:14:46,972
(crying stops)
318
00:14:50,544 --> 00:14:52,744
What have we done?
319
00:14:53,947 --> 00:14:58,149
Hey, I found superhero
baby wipes,
320
00:14:58,151 --> 00:15:01,052
the perfect way
to clean up crime...
321
00:15:01,054 --> 00:15:02,487
and tushies.
322
00:15:02,489 --> 00:15:03,922
(chuckles)
323
00:15:03,924 --> 00:15:05,624
(baby crying)
Ugh.
324
00:15:05,626 --> 00:15:07,726
It took me two hours
to get her down.
325
00:15:08,729 --> 00:15:12,464
Oh, you-you relax,
I'll take this shift.
326
00:15:12,466 --> 00:15:15,233
You know, in India when
my baby brother cried like that,
327
00:15:15,235 --> 00:15:17,002
the servants would
just take him far away
328
00:15:17,004 --> 00:15:19,404
so we couldn't hear it.
329
00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:24,409
Not always,
sometimes we'd leave.
330
00:15:24,411 --> 00:15:27,345
(crying stops)
331
00:15:27,347 --> 00:15:30,549
Hey, he got her to stop.
332
00:15:30,551 --> 00:15:32,050
That was so fast.
333
00:15:32,052 --> 00:15:33,218
Oh, he's really good with her.
334
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:37,122
(voice breaking):
Yeah, he has a gift.
335
00:15:37,124 --> 00:15:39,691
What's the matter?
336
00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:42,761
Nothing,
these are happy tears.
337
00:15:42,763 --> 00:15:44,796
Oh, good.
(chuckles)
338
00:15:44,798 --> 00:15:46,731
No they're not,
you bozo!
339
00:15:48,902 --> 00:15:53,438
How come Stuart can get her
to stop crying, but I can't?
340
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,707
I mean, it's Stuart.
341
00:15:55,709 --> 00:16:00,579
Maybe she's playing possum
until he goes away.
342
00:16:00,581 --> 00:16:02,981
Not funny.
343
00:16:02,983 --> 00:16:06,084
She's tired, that was funny.
344
00:16:07,187 --> 00:16:10,322
Everyone's a better mom
than me.
345
00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:12,557
Oh, don't take it so personally,
346
00:16:12,559 --> 00:16:15,860
maybe your baby's just a jerk.
347
00:16:18,065 --> 00:16:20,198
(cries loudly)
348
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,701
Wait, so how does
the story end?
349
00:16:22,703 --> 00:16:26,137
Is the baby a jerk
or is Bernadette a bad mother?
350
00:16:27,341 --> 00:16:28,840
Sheldon!
351
00:16:28,842 --> 00:16:30,075
W-What?
352
00:16:30,077 --> 00:16:31,176
Is there
another twist coming?
353
00:16:31,178 --> 00:16:33,144
Is the baby
not theirs at all?
354
00:16:34,781 --> 00:16:35,880
Ignore him.
355
00:16:35,882 --> 00:16:37,749
How did you get
the baby to stop crying?
356
00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:41,119
Oh, I just talked to her.
357
00:16:41,121 --> 00:16:46,057
I've been told the sound of
my voice puts people to sleep.
358
00:16:49,630 --> 00:16:51,730
You poor things,
you must be exhausted.
359
00:16:51,732 --> 00:16:55,900
It has been hard to sleep
with all the crying.
360
00:16:55,902 --> 00:16:58,103
(crying loudly)
361
00:17:01,808 --> 00:17:03,842
How can she hate me?
362
00:17:03,844 --> 00:17:06,945
I make her food
in my chest!
363
00:17:08,649 --> 00:17:13,318
It's like hating
a frozen yogurt machine.
364
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,354
She doesn't hate you,
stop saying that.
365
00:17:16,356 --> 00:17:19,891
Now you hate me too!
366
00:17:19,893 --> 00:17:22,394
Shh, I don't hate you.
367
00:17:22,396 --> 00:17:24,496
(baby crying)
368
00:17:26,233 --> 00:17:30,402
(crying)
369
00:17:30,404 --> 00:17:31,670
(crying)
370
00:17:31,672 --> 00:17:33,872
(all three crying)
371
00:17:35,575 --> 00:17:39,277
It says here that
up to 80% of new mothers
372
00:17:39,279 --> 00:17:40,945
experience baby blues.
373
00:17:40,947 --> 00:17:42,580
And that
the best thing to do
374
00:17:42,582 --> 00:17:45,250
is reassure them that
they're doing a good job.
375
00:17:45,252 --> 00:17:46,217
Bernadette,
376
00:17:46,219 --> 00:17:50,522
you are doing
a good job.
377
00:17:50,524 --> 00:17:53,858
Thank you, Sheldon,
I'm feeling better now.
378
00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:55,460
Thank you, Internet.
379
00:17:55,462 --> 00:17:57,162
I'm telling you,
with the right YouTube video,
380
00:17:57,164 --> 00:17:59,831
I can give Howard
a vasectomy.
381
00:18:02,402 --> 00:18:04,436
So things started
to turn around?
382
00:18:04,438 --> 00:18:07,839
Yeah, eventually I figured out
how to get the baby to sleep.
383
00:18:07,841 --> 00:18:11,509
Please tell me you didn't use
Amy's magic juice.
384
00:18:19,319 --> 00:18:21,052
(whispering): Bernie?
BERNADETTE: Shh.
385
00:18:21,054 --> 00:18:22,120
She's asleep.
386
00:18:22,122 --> 00:18:23,488
Great.
387
00:18:25,058 --> 00:18:28,426
And where are you?
388
00:18:28,428 --> 00:18:30,628
Down here.
389
00:18:40,874 --> 00:18:42,073
Oh.
(chuckles)
390
00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:43,942
This is new.
391
00:18:43,944 --> 00:18:45,376
I didn't know
what else to do.
392
00:18:45,378 --> 00:18:47,645
It worked.
393
00:18:47,647 --> 00:18:50,682
Well, I'd say that's
thinking outside the box,
394
00:18:50,684 --> 00:18:52,917
but... (clicks tongue)
...come on.
395
00:18:52,919 --> 00:18:55,420
(chuckles)
396
00:18:55,422 --> 00:18:57,589
Don't make me laugh.
397
00:18:58,125 --> 00:19:01,126
(softly):
Oh.
398
00:19:01,128 --> 00:19:02,994
Do you need help getting out?
399
00:19:02,996 --> 00:19:04,763
I think I live here now.
400
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,100
It's fine.
(chuckles)
401
00:19:09,102 --> 00:19:11,002
Is it okay if I get some sleep?
402
00:19:11,004 --> 00:19:12,837
Yeah, go ahead.
403
00:19:17,444 --> 00:19:18,710
Good job, Mommy.
404
00:19:18,712 --> 00:19:19,978
(chuckles)
405
00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:21,446
I'm proud of you.
406
00:19:21,448 --> 00:19:25,416
(voice breaking):
Don't make me cry, either.
407
00:19:25,418 --> 00:19:28,286
Good night.
408
00:19:28,288 --> 00:19:30,388
I love both my girls.
409
00:19:30,390 --> 00:19:32,557
We love you, too.
410
00:19:38,965 --> 00:19:40,498
I can't believe
you fit in the crib.
411
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:43,434
I could take a bath
in the sink.
412
00:19:44,638 --> 00:19:47,071
I don't, but I can.
413
00:19:48,108 --> 00:19:49,941
So how were your holidays?
414
00:19:49,943 --> 00:19:51,843
Oh, thank you for asking.
415
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:54,913
Uh, I, uh,
went to visit my grandmother.
416
00:19:54,915 --> 00:19:56,815
She's in Bakersfield.
417
00:19:56,817 --> 00:19:59,918
Uh, usually my brother
and sister go...
418
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,687
(all snoring)
419
00:20:02,689 --> 00:20:04,889
Oh, come on!
420
00:20:14,011 --> 00:20:15,243
That was fun, thank you.
421
00:20:15,245 --> 00:20:16,578
Yeah, thanks.
422
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,446
Our pleasure.
See you guys at work.
423
00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:19,648
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Be there bright and early.
424
00:20:19,650 --> 00:20:21,149
Not me, paternity leave.
Oh!
425
00:20:21,151 --> 00:20:22,550
A small human
426
00:20:22,552 --> 00:20:24,152
wreaks havoc
on his wife's genitals
427
00:20:24,154 --> 00:20:26,755
and he gets time off.
428
00:20:26,757 --> 00:20:28,957
With pay, sucka!
429
00:20:30,761 --> 00:20:33,028
(door closes)
430
00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:34,963
Forgot the baby,
still new to this.
431
00:20:38,492 --> 00:20:45,292
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man