1
00:00:01,375 --> 00:00:03,189
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:03,190 --> 00:00:05,847
(baby crying)
BERNADETTE: Please stop crying.
3
00:00:05,848 --> 00:00:08,949
I'm begging you.
I don't know what else to do.
4
00:00:08,950 --> 00:00:10,616
My boobs are empty.
5
00:00:10,618 --> 00:00:12,385
Do you want lasagna?
6
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:15,021
(baby fussing)
7
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:19,058
It's okay, it's okay.
8
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,493
Shh...
9
00:00:20,495 --> 00:00:21,961
(crying stops)
10
00:00:26,801 --> 00:00:29,969
What have we done?
11
00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:32,305
(door opens)
12
00:00:32,307 --> 00:00:34,674
(soft music playing)
13
00:00:34,676 --> 00:00:36,742
What... what's all this?
14
00:00:36,744 --> 00:00:39,178
Well, it sounded like
you were having a rough day,
15
00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:41,547
so I wanted you to come home
to something nice.
16
00:00:41,549 --> 00:00:44,116
Oh, that is so thoughtful.
17
00:00:44,118 --> 00:00:45,685
Hey, do you remember when
we went wine tasting
18
00:00:45,687 --> 00:00:46,953
in Santa Barbara
and you said
19
00:00:46,955 --> 00:00:48,521
that was the best
rosé you'd ever had?
20
00:00:48,523 --> 00:00:50,957
Yeah, I remember
us driving up there,
21
00:00:50,959 --> 00:00:53,793
going to the winery and...
22
00:00:53,795 --> 00:00:55,761
that's it.
23
00:00:55,763 --> 00:00:57,163
And this wine is why.
24
00:00:57,165 --> 00:00:59,265
Oh.
25
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:01,000
Hey, what smells so good?
26
00:01:01,002 --> 00:01:03,736
I made your favorite:
pizza bagels!
27
00:01:03,738 --> 00:01:04,837
(gasps)
28
00:01:04,839 --> 00:01:07,540
Pink wine and pizza bagels?
29
00:01:07,542 --> 00:01:10,176
It's like eighth grade
all over again.
30
00:01:10,178 --> 00:01:13,379
I am so lucky to have you.
31
00:01:13,381 --> 00:01:14,580
Well, now be careful,
these are hot.
32
00:01:14,582 --> 00:01:16,182
I-I could explain
the thermodynamics
33
00:01:16,184 --> 00:01:18,451
of why the cheese seems
hotter than the crust,
34
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:20,252
but instead, I'm gonna
keep it to myself.
35
00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:21,287
Oh.
36
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,223
You always know what not to say.
37
00:01:24,225 --> 00:01:26,926
I just, I can't believe
you did all this.
38
00:01:26,928 --> 00:01:28,227
Well, you know,
39
00:01:28,229 --> 00:01:31,063
it's easy to take each
other for granted and
40
00:01:31,065 --> 00:01:33,733
I never want to do
that to you, because
41
00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:36,302
your love,
42
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,437
it's like a river.
43
00:01:38,439 --> 00:01:41,207
It's peaceful and deep.
44
00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:43,643
Your soul is,
it's like a secret
45
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:46,712
that I never could keep.
46
00:01:46,714 --> 00:01:49,982
You did not just
quote an NSYNC song.
47
00:01:51,452 --> 00:01:53,719
I quoted your favorite
NSYNC song.
48
00:01:54,822 --> 00:01:56,522
Oh...
(chuckles)
49
00:01:57,692 --> 00:01:58,758
Mm.
50
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,059
(belches)
51
00:02:05,099 --> 00:02:06,966
(chuckling):
Damn.
52
00:02:06,968 --> 00:02:09,268
I burped so hard,
I died in my game.
53
00:02:09,270 --> 00:02:10,569
(laughs)
54
00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:15,274
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:15,276 --> 00:02:18,611
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:18,613 --> 00:02:20,212
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:20,214 --> 00:02:22,782
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:22,784 --> 00:02:25,451
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:25,453 --> 00:02:28,120
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:28,122 --> 00:02:30,022
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:30,524
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:34,525
♪ The Big Bang Theory 10x13 ♪
The Romance Recalibration
Original Air Da
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
64
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Leonard, I've been
meaning to ask you:
65
00:02:38,430 --> 00:02:40,497
what size shoe
do you wear?
66
00:02:40,499 --> 00:02:41,632
Why?
67
00:02:41,634 --> 00:02:43,100
I'm trying to take
more of an interest
68
00:02:43,102 --> 00:02:45,035
in other
people's lives.
69
00:02:47,373 --> 00:02:48,205
That's nice.
70
00:02:48,207 --> 00:02:49,573
I wear a size
eight and a half.
71
00:02:49,575 --> 00:02:51,909
(giggles)
That's small.
72
00:02:52,945 --> 00:02:57,047
So, tell me, do you have
any plans for the weekend?
73
00:02:57,049 --> 00:02:58,682
Are you gonna laugh
at the answer?
74
00:02:58,684 --> 00:03:02,552
Only if the answer is
"shopping for baby shoes."
75
00:03:04,323 --> 00:03:05,455
If you must know,
76
00:03:05,457 --> 00:03:07,291
Penny won a spa weekend
from work
77
00:03:07,293 --> 00:03:08,692
and she's taking me.
78
00:03:08,694 --> 00:03:10,627
Oh, well you know,
that is interesting.
79
00:03:10,629 --> 00:03:13,530
I wonder what kind of infection
you'll come home with.
80
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:17,601
My money's on fungal.
81
00:03:17,603 --> 00:03:22,139
They're still having girl''
night across the hall.
82
00:03:22,141 --> 00:03:24,675
Oh, so, hang out with me
and we'll have boys' night.
83
00:03:24,677 --> 00:03:26,677
At our age,
84
00:03:26,679 --> 00:03:28,712
why don't we call it
man's night?
85
00:03:28,714 --> 00:03:32,516
Because we just spent our
allowance on comic books.
86
00:03:35,220 --> 00:03:38,655
Penny, is it weird that
we're having girls' night here,
87
00:03:38,657 --> 00:03:39,957
but you don't
live here anymore,
88
00:03:39,959 --> 00:03:41,458
so it's basically
my girls' night?
89
00:03:41,460 --> 00:03:42,993
I hadn't really
thought about it.
90
00:03:42,995 --> 00:03:44,928
But now you're thinking about it
and it bothers you?
91
00:03:44,930 --> 00:03:46,697
I get that.
92
00:03:48,634 --> 00:03:51,635
Things going well with you
and Sheldon living together?
93
00:03:51,637 --> 00:03:52,903
Better than ever.
94
00:03:52,905 --> 00:03:55,739
He asks about my day,
takes an interest in my life.
95
00:03:55,741 --> 00:03:57,341
He's like my boyfriend
in college,
96
00:03:57,343 --> 00:04:00,243
except he's real,
so people can see him.
97
00:04:02,247 --> 00:04:03,714
I've been seeing him for years,
98
00:04:03,716 --> 00:04:05,983
I'm still not convinced
he's real.
99
00:04:07,353 --> 00:04:09,353
Hey, can I
ask you a question?
100
00:04:09,355 --> 00:04:10,821
You've been married
for a while.
101
00:04:10,823 --> 00:04:12,255
Is it normal
for the husband
102
00:04:12,257 --> 00:04:15,559
to kind of completely stop
giving a crap?
103
00:04:15,561 --> 00:04:18,095
(sighs)
Uh-oh, what's going on?
104
00:04:18,097 --> 00:04:20,063
Well, Leonard used to
do all these things,
105
00:04:20,065 --> 00:04:21,598
like bring me flowers
106
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,201
and wear pants.
107
00:04:24,203 --> 00:04:27,270
It's okay,
Howie never has on pants.
108
00:04:27,272 --> 00:04:31,008
The Domino's guy brings
the pizza like this now.
109
00:04:31,010 --> 00:04:33,243
Well,
Sheldon always has his pants on.
110
00:04:33,245 --> 00:04:35,912
I don't think I could
pick his knees out of a lineup.
111
00:04:37,116 --> 00:04:38,248
Well, it's not
just the pants.
112
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:39,616
Just, it's like since
we got married,
113
00:04:39,618 --> 00:04:41,318
he doesn't really
try anymore.
114
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:42,786
Uh, Penny?
115
00:04:42,788 --> 00:04:44,054
I don't know how to say this,
116
00:04:44,056 --> 00:04:45,989
but this is
my first girls' night
117
00:04:45,991 --> 00:04:48,125
and you're kind of
bumming everybody out.
118
00:04:51,997 --> 00:04:54,398
All right, got Halley to sleep.
119
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,099
Yeah, I heard you
on the baby monitor.
120
00:04:56,101 --> 00:04:58,368
Didn't think you could
turn the theme from Walking Dead
121
00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:00,303
into a lullaby.
122
00:05:01,407 --> 00:05:03,540
Yeah, got to get her
hooked on TV,
123
00:05:03,542 --> 00:05:06,243
or someday,
she'll want me to play outside.
124
00:05:07,046 --> 00:05:09,746
Boy, that floor is so squeaky.
125
00:05:09,748 --> 00:05:12,749
I'm surprised I didn't wake
her up walking out of the room.
126
00:05:12,751 --> 00:05:14,451
Have you tried anything
to fix it?
127
00:05:14,453 --> 00:05:16,286
Well, I put the rug down.
128
00:05:16,288 --> 00:05:17,387
It didn't help.
129
00:05:17,389 --> 00:05:20,090
I know. Blue shag.
What were you thinking?
130
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:25,529
Did try nailing a couple
of the boards down.
131
00:05:25,531 --> 00:05:26,596
Did that do anything?
132
00:05:26,598 --> 00:05:28,231
Yeah, it left little
holes in the floor,
133
00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:29,633
that's why I
bought the rug.
134
00:05:38,010 --> 00:05:41,344
If you do that,
I'll win in eight moves.
135
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,554
I'll win in five moves.
136
00:05:56,995 --> 00:05:59,062
I'll win in one move.
137
00:06:01,266 --> 00:06:03,467
Oh, no. Good game.
138
00:06:05,671 --> 00:06:07,003
Hey.
139
00:06:07,005 --> 00:06:08,171
Hey.
140
00:06:08,173 --> 00:06:09,539
Oh, Penny,
I'm trying
141
00:06:09,541 --> 00:06:11,374
to take an interest
in other people.
142
00:06:11,376 --> 00:06:13,110
Uh, how was
your girls' night?
143
00:06:13,112 --> 00:06:14,411
Oh, it was fine.
144
00:06:14,413 --> 00:06:16,680
Hmm. Did you have
anything to eat?
145
00:06:16,682 --> 00:06:18,215
Uh, chips.
146
00:06:18,217 --> 00:06:20,117
(stammers)
Anything to drink?
147
00:06:20,119 --> 00:06:21,518
Some wine.
148
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:26,256
Well, I'm just playing tennis
against the drapes here.
149
00:06:26,258 --> 00:06:27,924
Just ignore him.
150
00:06:27,926 --> 00:06:29,726
Hmm. At least he took
an interest.
151
00:06:29,728 --> 00:06:31,962
What's that supposed to mean?
152
00:06:31,964 --> 00:06:33,063
Nothing.
153
00:06:33,065 --> 00:06:34,364
Hey, what's going on with you?
154
00:06:34,366 --> 00:06:35,966
I don't want to
talk about it.
155
00:06:35,968 --> 00:06:37,701
Well, hey,
come on, just tell me.
156
00:06:37,703 --> 00:06:40,237
Fine.
157
00:06:40,239 --> 00:06:41,872
Lately, I kind
of feel like
158
00:06:41,874 --> 00:06:43,173
you've been taking
me for granted.
159
00:06:43,175 --> 00:06:45,509
Wh-what? Where is this
coming from?
160
00:06:45,511 --> 00:06:46,676
SHELDON:
Leonard.
161
00:06:46,678 --> 00:06:47,677
She might be drunk.
162
00:06:47,679 --> 00:06:50,413
All she had was chips.
163
00:06:50,415 --> 00:06:52,249
It's just, since we got married
you seem to think
164
00:06:52,251 --> 00:06:54,050
you don't have to try anymore.
165
00:06:54,052 --> 00:06:56,286
That is ridiculous.
166
00:06:56,288 --> 00:06:57,888
This is exactly why I didn't
want to talk about it.
167
00:06:57,890 --> 00:06:59,322
No, No, no, no.
Let's talk about it.
168
00:06:59,324 --> 00:07:00,857
I'm the one who's made
all the effort
169
00:07:00,859 --> 00:07:02,692
in this relationship
since day one.
170
00:07:02,694 --> 00:07:04,661
Please tell me
what more I could do.
171
00:07:04,663 --> 00:07:07,030
Okay. You know what?
Maybe I'll take Amy with me
172
00:07:07,032 --> 00:07:08,832
to the spa this weekend instead.
173
00:07:08,834 --> 00:07:10,967
Fine, go ahead.
174
00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:17,874
Amy is free.
175
00:07:19,278 --> 00:07:21,278
She had a harp lesson
on Saturday,
176
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,013
but it got canceled...
177
00:07:23,015 --> 00:07:25,582
Boy, when you take an interest
in people,
178
00:07:25,584 --> 00:07:28,718
you really uncork
a geyser of nonsense.
179
00:07:31,657 --> 00:07:34,024
Okay.
Thanks, Daddy.
180
00:07:34,026 --> 00:07:37,227
He said the only way to really
fix an old floor like that
181
00:07:37,229 --> 00:07:39,563
is to tear it up
and replace the whole thing.
182
00:07:39,565 --> 00:07:41,498
That sounds expensive.
Hang on.
183
00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:43,066
No offense to her father,
184
00:07:43,068 --> 00:07:45,302
but he's not an
MIT-trained engineer.
185
00:07:45,304 --> 00:07:47,237
Thinking and building
is what you do.
186
00:07:47,239 --> 00:07:49,406
MIT's motto is
"Mind and hand,"
187
00:07:49,408 --> 00:07:53,143
which just so happens was also
my motto as a lonely teenager.
188
00:07:54,513 --> 00:07:57,480
Oh, come on. We just need
to be more creative.
189
00:07:57,482 --> 00:08:01,117
What if you didn't step
on the floor at all?
190
00:08:01,119 --> 00:08:02,385
Like, what if you...
191
00:08:02,387 --> 00:08:05,755
swung on a rope
from the ceiling?
192
00:08:07,059 --> 00:08:08,291
(grunts)
193
00:08:08,293 --> 00:08:11,127
(groans)
194
00:08:12,898 --> 00:08:14,864
No.
195
00:08:14,866 --> 00:08:16,399
Okay. Um...
196
00:08:16,401 --> 00:08:18,802
Okay. What if you rig up
a pulley system
197
00:08:18,804 --> 00:08:21,404
and move yourself across
the room in a harness?
198
00:08:27,779 --> 00:08:29,980
(creaking)
199
00:08:33,952 --> 00:08:35,819
No.
200
00:08:36,655 --> 00:08:37,954
BERNADETTE:
I have one.
201
00:08:37,956 --> 00:08:39,823
What if you got
a giant slingshot
202
00:08:39,825 --> 00:08:41,992
and flung yourself
into the wall?
203
00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:45,295
Is that supposed
to be funny?
204
00:08:45,297 --> 00:08:46,830
Hold on.
205
00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:49,699
(screaming)
206
00:08:53,572 --> 00:08:55,438
Yeah, that's funny.
207
00:08:57,643 --> 00:08:59,876
- All right, we're heading out.
- Mm-hmm.
208
00:08:59,878 --> 00:09:02,412
I'll call you when
we get to the hotel.
209
00:09:02,414 --> 00:09:05,015
And if they have any of those
tiny bottles of shampoo?
210
00:09:05,017 --> 00:09:06,750
I will bring them home
so you can show me
211
00:09:06,752 --> 00:09:08,084
how Godzilla takes a shower.
212
00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:11,021
Have fun.
Thanks.
213
00:09:11,023 --> 00:09:12,055
Are you ready?
214
00:09:12,057 --> 00:09:13,456
Uh-huh.
215
00:09:13,458 --> 00:09:14,858
Bye, Sheldon.
216
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,259
You know what?
217
00:09:16,261 --> 00:09:18,628
I feel uncomfortable engaging
in a public display of affection
218
00:09:18,630 --> 00:09:21,264
while their relationship
is strained.
219
00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:24,034
Go ahead, it's fine.
220
00:09:24,036 --> 00:09:26,269
Bye.
Bye.
221
00:09:32,544 --> 00:09:34,344
Okay!
Let's go!
222
00:09:37,482 --> 00:09:38,481
Bye.
223
00:09:38,483 --> 00:09:39,749
Bye.
224
00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:41,051
I'll miss you.
225
00:09:41,053 --> 00:09:42,352
Yeah, I'll miss you, too.
226
00:09:42,354 --> 00:09:43,687
I'll miss you more.
227
00:09:43,689 --> 00:09:45,789
Well, if X equals the amount
that you'll miss me,
228
00:09:45,791 --> 00:09:47,424
then I'll miss you X plus one.
(giggles)
229
00:09:47,426 --> 00:09:50,393
If you miss me X plus one,
I'll miss you
230
00:09:50,395 --> 00:09:52,962
open paren X plus one,
close paren to the second...
231
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:58,034
Thank you.
232
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,905
You're sad, so I made you tea.
233
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:10,508
Thanks.
234
00:10:11,050 --> 00:10:12,370
And it's just the way
you like it.
235
00:10:12,748 --> 00:10:14,214
Earl Grey?
Yes.
236
00:10:14,216 --> 00:10:15,215
Honey?
Yes.
237
00:10:15,217 --> 00:10:16,149
Unsweetened almond--
Good Lord!
238
00:10:16,151 --> 00:10:18,818
I made you tea.
Just drink it!
239
00:10:20,656 --> 00:10:22,522
Sorry, thank you.
240
00:10:22,524 --> 00:10:26,293
Well, what can we do
to cheer you up?
241
00:10:26,295 --> 00:10:28,261
I really don't know.
242
00:10:28,263 --> 00:10:30,330
You want to play Jenga?
243
00:10:30,332 --> 00:10:32,032
Or, uh, Ticket to Ride?
244
00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:33,133
Hearthstone?
245
00:10:33,135 --> 00:10:37,938
I-- what would you be
the happiest losing at?
246
00:10:39,741 --> 00:10:41,575
I don't want to
play a game, Sheldon.
247
00:10:41,577 --> 00:10:46,513
Wow, and I remember when you
loved playing games with me.
248
00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:49,316
Maybe Penny isn't the only
relationship you're phoning in.
249
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,553
It's not that I'd
stopped trying,
250
00:10:53,555 --> 00:10:56,556
it's just how
relationships progress.
251
00:10:56,558 --> 00:10:58,458
They start with infatuation,
252
00:10:58,460 --> 00:11:01,962
but over time mellow into
something more comfortable.
253
00:11:01,964 --> 00:11:04,064
Hmm. Yeah, you're right.
254
00:11:04,066 --> 00:11:05,665
It's like when
I first encountered
255
00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:07,234
the Pythagorean Theorem.
256
00:11:07,236 --> 00:11:08,702
You know,
I was blown away
257
00:11:08,704 --> 00:11:10,704
that the square
of the hypotenuse
258
00:11:10,706 --> 00:11:13,540
was the sum of the squares
of the opposite sides.
259
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:16,243
Yeah, but now
I'm just like "eh."
260
00:11:19,948 --> 00:11:23,250
Okay, this grid
represents the room.
261
00:11:23,252 --> 00:11:27,420
All we need to do is plot out
where each squeak is
262
00:11:27,422 --> 00:11:29,823
and we can find a quiet
path to the crib.
263
00:11:32,427 --> 00:11:34,761
It looks like a map
from Dungeons & Dragons.
264
00:11:34,763 --> 00:11:36,229
Mm.
265
00:11:36,231 --> 00:11:39,699
Except the creature in the crib
is a level-nine poop monster.
266
00:11:39,701 --> 00:11:42,602
Okay, uh, you check
for squeaks,
267
00:11:42,604 --> 00:11:44,070
and I will
mark them down.
268
00:11:44,072 --> 00:11:45,372
(floor squeaking)
Okay.
269
00:11:45,374 --> 00:11:48,441
Space A-3, here we go.
270
00:11:48,443 --> 00:11:50,577
(squeaking)
271
00:11:51,647 --> 00:11:54,014
It's squeaking. Mark it.
272
00:11:54,016 --> 00:11:56,850
It's nice to think that
you grew up in this room
273
00:11:56,852 --> 00:11:58,485
and now your daughter's
going to as well.
274
00:11:58,487 --> 00:12:02,322
Mm. I hope she has the same
amount of sex in it I did.
275
00:12:02,324 --> 00:12:03,857
None. Next square.
276
00:12:07,396 --> 00:12:09,562
Why do you bounce with your
hands in the air like that?
277
00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:12,332
(chuckles)
It's a tradition of my people.
278
00:12:12,334 --> 00:12:14,067
♪ If I were a rich man ♪
279
00:12:14,069 --> 00:12:16,269
(vocalizing)
280
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,073
"Material Girl"
needs to be retired.
281
00:12:20,075 --> 00:12:22,609
That is your karaoke song.
282
00:12:25,547 --> 00:12:29,449
Would you like to play
a driving game I invented?
283
00:12:29,451 --> 00:12:32,686
Is it about the failing state
of my relationship with Penny?
284
00:12:33,522 --> 00:12:35,555
Never mind.
285
00:12:37,359 --> 00:12:40,093
You know, Penny went to this spa
to be away from you.
286
00:12:40,095 --> 00:12:41,861
Are you sure
you should be going there?
287
00:12:41,863 --> 00:12:44,631
I don't want to wait two days
for us to work this out.
288
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:46,633
Very well.
289
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:48,368
You got married
spur of the moment.
290
00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:51,204
I don't see why your
divorce should be any different.
291
00:12:52,407 --> 00:12:54,307
I would pull this car over
and kick you out,
292
00:12:54,309 --> 00:12:58,411
but... if Penny dumps me,
you're all I got.
293
00:13:01,550 --> 00:13:04,384
When was the last time
you got a massage?
294
00:13:04,386 --> 00:13:06,286
Sheldon walked on my back
two weeks ago,
295
00:13:06,288 --> 00:13:08,388
but that was just 'cause
there was a spider on his pillow
296
00:13:08,390 --> 00:13:10,657
and he was trying to get away.
297
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:12,859
Leonard stood on me once, too,
298
00:13:12,861 --> 00:13:16,463
but he was just trying
to see the Rose Parade.
299
00:13:16,465 --> 00:13:17,831
(knocking)
300
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:18,932
I don't know the protocol,
301
00:13:18,934 --> 00:13:21,134
are you gonna be naked
for your massage?
302
00:13:21,136 --> 00:13:22,302
Well. Yeah.
303
00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:25,905
Hmm. Then this is probably
too many clothes.
304
00:13:27,509 --> 00:13:28,775
Hey.
305
00:13:28,777 --> 00:13:30,243
What are you doing here?
306
00:13:30,245 --> 00:13:31,711
I came here to apologize.
307
00:13:31,713 --> 00:13:33,113
Okay. Leonard,
I really appreciate that,
308
00:13:33,115 --> 00:13:35,815
but I need a little time
to myself.
309
00:13:35,817 --> 00:13:37,317
Wha... Okay. I don't get it.
310
00:13:37,319 --> 00:13:38,752
You said make an effort.
311
00:13:38,754 --> 00:13:40,687
Here I am, making an effort.
312
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,655
Hello, Amy. It's
nice to see you.
313
00:13:42,657 --> 00:13:46,426
Nice to see you, too.
314
00:13:46,428 --> 00:13:50,029
And that's how you make
effort look effortless.
315
00:13:50,031 --> 00:13:51,231
All right.
Can you please just go
316
00:13:51,233 --> 00:13:52,465
and we'll talk
about this tomorrow?
317
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:53,466
I don't understand
what you want!
318
00:13:53,468 --> 00:13:55,168
I'm trying to figure it out!
319
00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:56,302
You know what? If you'd like,
320
00:13:56,304 --> 00:13:59,139
I could whip up a quick
Relationship Agreement.
321
00:14:00,242 --> 00:14:01,274
Well, I'm at a spa,
322
00:14:01,276 --> 00:14:03,943
might as well do
something relaxing.
323
00:14:03,945 --> 00:14:06,079
Sheldon, why don't
we give them some privacy?
324
00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:08,381
(sighs)
Very well.
325
00:14:08,383 --> 00:14:09,816
Hey. Later, we'll check
out the minibar?
326
00:14:09,818 --> 00:14:13,052
I'll show you
how Godzilla gets drunk.
327
00:14:15,590 --> 00:14:19,058
So what we did was map
out the entire room
328
00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:22,095
to identify every squeak.
329
00:14:22,097 --> 00:14:24,431
Watch. It's easy,
once you get the hang of it.
330
00:14:24,433 --> 00:14:26,666
(clears throat)
331
00:14:26,668 --> 00:14:29,369
Step.
332
00:14:29,371 --> 00:14:32,338
Step.
333
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:34,974
Hop onto ottoman.
334
00:14:34,976 --> 00:14:38,912
Don't do that in socks,
I almost broke my neck.
335
00:14:38,914 --> 00:14:40,914
Then simply sit,
336
00:14:40,916 --> 00:14:43,316
spin, stand,
337
00:14:43,318 --> 00:14:45,518
stretch...
338
00:14:49,191 --> 00:14:51,324
Maybe unloosen your pants.
339
00:14:52,661 --> 00:14:54,894
And... step,
340
00:14:54,896 --> 00:14:56,696
grab, tiny pivot,
341
00:14:56,698 --> 00:14:58,832
pull, and you're there.
342
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:01,734
(sighs)
Easy, peasy, mac and...
343
00:15:01,736 --> 00:15:04,237
(exhales)
You get the idea.
344
00:15:04,239 --> 00:15:06,739
You actually expect me
to do this
345
00:15:06,741 --> 00:15:08,908
while holding a baby
in the dark?
346
00:15:08,910 --> 00:15:11,578
Hold on...
347
00:15:17,686 --> 00:15:19,152
I don't think she was impressed.
348
00:15:19,154 --> 00:15:20,687
Bigger problems.
349
00:15:20,689 --> 00:15:23,790
I felt something pop.
350
00:15:25,927 --> 00:15:29,162
There's a cucumber
in my water.
351
00:15:29,164 --> 00:15:30,463
Uh-huh.
352
00:15:32,033 --> 00:15:33,166
Do they know it's there?
353
00:15:33,168 --> 00:15:35,268
Um, sh-should I tell somebody?
354
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:37,170
It's there on purpose.
355
00:15:37,172 --> 00:15:39,138
It's refreshing.
356
00:15:43,645 --> 00:15:45,178
Interesting.
357
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:46,746
The world's most boring liquid
358
00:15:46,748 --> 00:15:48,515
and the world's
most boring vegetable.
359
00:15:48,517 --> 00:15:51,084
But you put 'em together,
and bleh.
360
00:15:53,021 --> 00:15:54,521
Hey.
Hi.
361
00:15:54,523 --> 00:15:56,756
Oh! Good, you're here.
Are you still fighting?
362
00:15:56,758 --> 00:15:59,325
If you get divorced,
do I get two Christmases?
363
00:15:59,327 --> 00:16:01,828
We're not getting divorced.
364
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,264
Listen, we realized, that, uh...
365
00:16:04,266 --> 00:16:06,432
we're facing some new challenges
366
00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:07,634
as a married couple.
367
00:16:07,636 --> 00:16:08,735
PENNY:
Yeah. And there are a few things
368
00:16:08,737 --> 00:16:10,570
we need to stay on top of.
So we thought
369
00:16:10,572 --> 00:16:12,605
it would useful--
370
00:16:12,607 --> 00:16:14,807
and I can't believe
I am about to say this--
371
00:16:14,809 --> 00:16:16,242
um...
372
00:16:16,244 --> 00:16:18,811
Would you please help us
make a Relationship Agreement?
373
00:16:21,216 --> 00:16:23,616
But one that's tailored to us.
374
00:16:23,618 --> 00:16:25,618
Okay? We don't need
a bathroom schedule.
375
00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:28,254
Although a rule about him
texting me from in there
376
00:16:28,256 --> 00:16:30,990
might help with the romance.
377
00:16:32,294 --> 00:16:33,326
What do you say?
378
00:16:33,328 --> 00:16:35,628
I get to write a contract?
379
00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:37,997
I say, let's get this party
of the first part started!
380
00:16:37,999 --> 00:16:41,200
(they laugh)
381
00:16:41,202 --> 00:16:44,804
(whoops, mutters)
382
00:16:44,806 --> 00:16:46,906
Do you really think
that's funny?
383
00:16:46,908 --> 00:16:49,008
It's in our agreement.
I have to laugh.
384
00:16:53,662 --> 00:16:55,862
If you find this
draft acceptable,
385
00:16:55,864 --> 00:16:58,965
then I believe your new
Relationship Agreement
386
00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:00,733
is ready to be signed.
387
00:17:00,735 --> 00:17:02,502
Article 8, subsection B:
388
00:17:02,504 --> 00:17:04,904
Leonard will restrict
video-gaming in underpants
389
00:17:04,906 --> 00:17:06,806
to hours Penny is not home.
390
00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:09,209
This includes boxers,
briefs, thongs, G-strings
391
00:17:09,211 --> 00:17:10,944
or anything else
that calls attention
392
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,745
to his pasty little thighs.
393
00:17:17,085 --> 00:17:18,518
Does it really need to say that?
394
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,955
I did this for free,
let me get a little something.
395
00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:25,525
Article 10, subsection C:
396
00:17:25,527 --> 00:17:28,127
If questioned, Penny
may not say that everything
397
00:17:28,129 --> 00:17:29,929
is fine if it isn't.
398
00:17:29,931 --> 00:17:32,498
Other unacceptable responses
include: "It's nothing,"
399
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,101
"Don't worry about it,"
and "I said it's nothing,
400
00:17:35,103 --> 00:17:37,937
don't worry about it."
401
00:17:37,939 --> 00:17:39,939
I think this all looks good.
402
00:17:39,941 --> 00:17:41,407
Me, too.
403
00:17:41,409 --> 00:17:42,609
Oh, well. Great,
then. Here.
404
00:17:42,611 --> 00:17:45,645
You sign here, date here.
405
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,747
And, Penny, if you could
initial here to indicate
406
00:17:47,749 --> 00:17:50,750
that you're accepting Leonard
in "as is" condition.
407
00:17:57,692 --> 00:18:00,560
Aw. I remember signing our first
Relationship Agreement.
408
00:18:00,562 --> 00:18:03,263
Mm. You seem to be forgetting
the "no nostalgia" clause.
409
00:18:03,265 --> 00:18:04,731
Right, right. Got it.
410
00:18:06,472 --> 00:18:13,272
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man