1 00:00:01,117 --> 00:00:02,960 Previously on "The Big Bang Theory"... 2 00:00:03,166 --> 00:00:05,094 So, Leonard, tell everyone your news. 3 00:00:05,162 --> 00:00:07,533 Oh, uh, I am starting a book. 4 00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:09,940 That would be big news from Penny, 5 00:00:10,008 --> 00:00:11,943 but you've read a book before. 6 00:00:13,208 --> 00:00:15,458 He means he's writing a book. 7 00:00:15,576 --> 00:00:18,357 I do. It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. 8 00:00:18,472 --> 00:00:20,667 Yeah. It's about a brilliant physicist 9 00:00:20,735 --> 00:00:22,747 who solves crimes using science. 10 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,044 - Oh, Leonard... - It's not about you! 11 00:00:27,005 --> 00:00:28,646 - Oh, boy. - What? 12 00:00:28,755 --> 00:00:30,826 They cast the new Professor Proton. 13 00:00:30,896 --> 00:00:32,818 - Is it Sheldon? - Not exactly. 14 00:00:32,886 --> 00:00:34,630 SHELDON: Wheaton! 15 00:00:34,698 --> 00:00:36,591 It's Wil Wheaton. 16 00:00:41,612 --> 00:00:42,779 Hey, what are you doing? 17 00:00:42,847 --> 00:00:44,866 I thought we were having dinner at Leonard and Penny's. 18 00:00:44,933 --> 00:00:45,999 Oh, no. No, 19 00:00:46,091 --> 00:00:48,164 they're watching the new Professor Proton. 20 00:00:48,239 --> 00:00:50,013 I-I can't keep Wil Wheaton off the Internet, 21 00:00:50,081 --> 00:00:52,214 but I can keep him off my retinas. 22 00:00:52,799 --> 00:00:55,409 So, you're just gonna sit here by yourself and do nothing? 23 00:00:55,485 --> 00:00:56,927 Of-Of course not. 24 00:00:57,004 --> 00:01:00,683 I'm going to write mean comments about Wil's show online. 25 00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:04,074 Well, you can't criticize something you haven't seen. 26 00:01:04,144 --> 00:01:06,964 I'm sorry, are you familiar with the Internet? 27 00:01:07,730 --> 00:01:09,402 Well, what if I watch it with you? 28 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,834 Maybe I won't like it and we can complain about it together. 29 00:01:11,902 --> 00:01:14,128 Get your own thing to complain about. 30 00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:16,498 Oh, trust me, I've got one. 31 00:01:18,153 --> 00:01:19,951 Look, at least if you watch it, 32 00:01:20,042 --> 00:01:23,065 maybe you can find more specific things to criticize. 33 00:01:23,136 --> 00:01:24,738 Ooh, that is a good point. 34 00:01:24,839 --> 00:01:27,964 Criticisms are more hurtful when they're specific. 35 00:01:29,488 --> 00:01:30,646 ♪♪ 36 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:31,980 ♪ Grab your goggles ♪ 37 00:01:32,409 --> 00:01:33,745 ♪ Lab coat on ♪ 38 00:01:34,112 --> 00:01:37,253 ♪ Here he comes, Professor Proton. ♪ 39 00:01:37,425 --> 00:01:39,199 Hey, everybody. I'm Professor Proton. 40 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,834 Welcome to the show. Today I will be teaching you 41 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:45,714 how to make a real hovercraft using common household items. 42 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,011 Darn it, I do like objects that hover. 43 00:01:49,297 --> 00:01:51,659 All you will need is a CD, 44 00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:54,770 a bottle cap, a balloon, and some super glue. 45 00:01:54,847 --> 00:01:57,472 Oh, no! I have all those things! 46 00:01:58,462 --> 00:02:02,058 ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ 47 00:02:02,126 --> 00:02:05,779 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ 48 00:02:05,847 --> 00:02:07,177 ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ 49 00:02:07,245 --> 00:02:10,177 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 50 00:02:10,245 --> 00:02:12,105 ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ 51 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,785 ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ 52 00:02:14,853 --> 00:02:17,062 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 53 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,878 ♪ Bang! ♪ *THE BIG BANG THEORY* Season 11 Episode 15 54 00:02:18,946 --> 00:02:21,214 *THE BIG BANG THEORY* Title: "The Novelization Correlation" 55 00:02:25,967 --> 00:02:28,030 (Typewriter clacking) 56 00:02:28,563 --> 00:02:29,948 - Hey. - Hi. 57 00:02:30,045 --> 00:02:31,578 (Typewriter dings) What's that noise? 58 00:02:31,646 --> 00:02:33,859 Oh, it's my new keyboard. (chuckles) 59 00:02:34,091 --> 00:02:36,508 It looks and sounds like an old-fashioned typewriter. 60 00:02:36,576 --> 00:02:38,758 It makes me feel like a real novelist. 61 00:02:39,609 --> 00:02:41,617 You poured yourself a Scotch. (stutters) 62 00:02:41,685 --> 00:02:43,143 - Apple juice. - Oh. 63 00:02:43,687 --> 00:02:44,867 But unsweetened, 64 00:02:44,935 --> 00:02:46,893 - like Hemingway used to drink. - Ah. 65 00:02:47,025 --> 00:02:49,109 - So, how's the book coming along? - Uh, good. 66 00:02:49,177 --> 00:02:51,065 I just wrote the part where the hero, 67 00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:53,759 hotshot physicist Logan Dean, arrives at CERN. 68 00:02:53,795 --> 00:02:55,308 Oh, is he based on you? 69 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,961 Uh, kind of. But he can eat dairy products 70 00:02:58,029 --> 00:02:59,914 without having to leave the room. 71 00:03:00,383 --> 00:03:02,719 Yeah, that's smart, because CERN is in Switzerland 72 00:03:02,787 --> 00:03:04,672 - and there's a lot of cheese there. - Hmm. 73 00:03:04,740 --> 00:03:07,609 Uh, believe me, that is a plot point later. 74 00:03:07,726 --> 00:03:09,727 Well, I'm excited to read it whenever you're ready. 75 00:03:09,807 --> 00:03:10,938 Thank you. 76 00:03:11,635 --> 00:03:14,508 Oh. Oh! I just thought of the murder weapon! 77 00:03:14,676 --> 00:03:15,875 Swiss army knife? 78 00:03:15,943 --> 00:03:17,719 (laughs) No. 79 00:03:19,517 --> 00:03:20,914 (laughs) 80 00:03:20,982 --> 00:03:22,719 That's way better. 81 00:03:24,381 --> 00:03:26,867 Look, it works! We did it! 82 00:03:27,198 --> 00:03:29,883 See, there was a reason to keep that TurboTax CD. 83 00:03:29,951 --> 00:03:31,156 Yeah. 84 00:03:31,633 --> 00:03:32,984 A CD-ROM? 85 00:03:33,052 --> 00:03:35,141 More like "CD-vroom." 86 00:03:36,414 --> 00:03:38,328 Do you feel bad you told Wil Wheaton 87 00:03:38,396 --> 00:03:40,630 that you'd be his enemy if he did this show? 88 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,026 No. I feel bad 89 00:03:43,094 --> 00:03:45,328 I'm engaged to somebody that would point that out. 90 00:03:46,063 --> 00:03:47,906 WHEATON: It's time for Professor Proton's 91 00:03:47,974 --> 00:03:49,375 science joke of the day. 92 00:03:49,508 --> 00:03:52,190 Why can you not trust atoms? 93 00:03:52,401 --> 00:03:54,017 Hmm. 94 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:56,406 Because they make up everything. 95 00:03:56,564 --> 00:03:59,615 (laughs): Oh, that's funny! 96 00:04:00,086 --> 00:04:02,828 Yeah, because they do. They make up everything. 97 00:04:03,637 --> 00:04:04,961 (doorbell rings) 98 00:04:05,633 --> 00:04:07,188 Oh, I wonder who that could be. 99 00:04:07,352 --> 00:04:09,359 Just when I thought this couldn't get any better, 100 00:04:09,427 --> 00:04:12,086 Wil has introduced suspense into the show. 101 00:04:13,556 --> 00:04:16,826 Hey, it's real NASA astronaut, Howard Wolowitz! 102 00:04:16,894 --> 00:04:19,146 What?! 103 00:04:19,745 --> 00:04:20,982 Hey, Professor Proton. 104 00:04:21,050 --> 00:04:22,416 Hey, thanks for being here. 105 00:04:22,484 --> 00:04:25,482 No problem. I'm on my "launch" break. 106 00:04:27,763 --> 00:04:31,201 How could Wil ask Howard to be on his show and not me? 107 00:04:31,352 --> 00:04:33,076 Well, he is an astronaut. 108 00:04:33,144 --> 00:04:36,512 And he didn't start an online petition to get Wil fired. 109 00:04:36,888 --> 00:04:39,115 But why wouldn't Howard tell me? 110 00:04:39,209 --> 00:04:40,769 Well, because he probably worried 111 00:04:40,837 --> 00:04:43,482 that you'd be a big baby about it. 112 00:04:44,857 --> 00:04:46,381 All those answers make a lot of sense. 113 00:04:46,449 --> 00:04:48,287 Thank you, Amy. That helps. 114 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,303 And then, when the lights come back on 115 00:04:52,371 --> 00:04:54,951 in the supercollider room, Dr. Logan Dean makes 116 00:04:55,019 --> 00:04:58,413 two important discoveries: a gluino 117 00:04:58,838 --> 00:05:00,821 (gruffly): and murder. 118 00:05:01,053 --> 00:05:03,498 Oh, gluino. That's exciting. 119 00:05:04,397 --> 00:05:06,451 (gruffly): And murder. 120 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,881 (gruffly): I heard you. 121 00:05:09,564 --> 00:05:11,428 The first time. 122 00:05:12,636 --> 00:05:15,003 I don't know which Hemsworth is playing Logan Dean, 123 00:05:15,071 --> 00:05:16,474 but I know it's a Hemsworth. 124 00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:18,333 Well, Logan's actually based on me. 125 00:05:18,605 --> 00:05:20,670 So a young Paul Giamatti. 126 00:05:21,795 --> 00:05:23,438 Well, I have to finish writing it 127 00:05:23,506 --> 00:05:24,702 before they can make it into a movie, 128 00:05:24,769 --> 00:05:26,951 and I still have a few things to figure out. 129 00:05:27,046 --> 00:05:28,337 You should talk to Bernadette. 130 00:05:28,419 --> 00:05:30,361 Since she's been on bed rest, she's binged, 131 00:05:30,429 --> 00:05:32,750 like, every detective show in the world. 132 00:05:32,953 --> 00:05:36,416 Oh, there was a funny detective show in India called Karamchand. 133 00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:38,249 He had an assistant named Kitty, 134 00:05:38,319 --> 00:05:40,686 and he was always saying, "Shut up, Kitty!" 135 00:05:42,432 --> 00:05:44,532 Sounds less mean if you say it in Hindi 136 00:05:44,602 --> 00:05:47,504 and don't think of women as having feelings. 137 00:05:48,394 --> 00:05:49,422 Hello. 138 00:05:49,490 --> 00:05:50,753 - Hey. - Hey. - Hi. 139 00:05:50,955 --> 00:05:53,918 Howard, I want you to know that I forgive you. 140 00:05:53,986 --> 00:05:55,551 I'll take it. 141 00:05:56,409 --> 00:05:57,941 What's he forgiving you for? 142 00:05:58,009 --> 00:06:00,643 Don't care. Clean slate. Happy Yom Kippur to me. 143 00:06:01,519 --> 00:06:03,505 I know that you were on Wil's show, 144 00:06:03,582 --> 00:06:05,363 and I know why you didn't tell me. 145 00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:06,472 Do you? 146 00:06:06,807 --> 00:06:07,995 Because you were afraid 147 00:06:08,103 --> 00:06:10,113 that I would be difficult and annoying about it. 148 00:06:10,261 --> 00:06:11,929 (chuckles) I hope your book has a twist 149 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,824 as surprising as that. 150 00:06:14,777 --> 00:06:16,293 It doesn't. 151 00:06:16,807 --> 00:06:19,051 I thought you were boycotting Wil's show. 152 00:06:19,119 --> 00:06:21,507 I was, but I decided to give it a shot, 153 00:06:21,575 --> 00:06:23,238 and I actually enjoyed it. 154 00:06:23,306 --> 00:06:26,519 Just out of curiosity, how did you come to be on the show? 155 00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,715 Did he ask you? Did you ask him? 156 00:06:28,841 --> 00:06:31,775 Did you just show up on the set and ring that doorbell? 157 00:06:31,996 --> 00:06:33,819 Sheldon, if you want to be on the show, 158 00:06:33,887 --> 00:06:36,313 you're gonna have to apologize to Wil. 159 00:06:36,902 --> 00:06:39,261 That would be the mature thing to do. 160 00:06:39,623 --> 00:06:42,410 Let's put a pin in that and keep thinking. 161 00:06:46,726 --> 00:06:47,785 Ooh. 162 00:06:47,853 --> 00:06:49,629 What? What? Which part? 163 00:06:50,113 --> 00:06:51,933 That was just the baby kicking. 164 00:06:52,293 --> 00:06:53,589 Got it. (chuckles) 165 00:06:53,666 --> 00:06:56,301 - But this is good so far, really good. - Yeah? 166 00:06:56,384 --> 00:06:58,668 Yeah. I have no idea who the killer is. 167 00:06:58,736 --> 00:07:00,840 Oh, great. Me, neither. 168 00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:05,129 So, does Penny know you based a character on her? 169 00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:07,077 What character? 170 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,394 Ilsa, the head of the institute. That's clearly Penny. 171 00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:10,636 No, it's not. 172 00:07:10,772 --> 00:07:11,821 Really? 173 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,489 Confident, ball-busting beauty 174 00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,847 who's always rolling her eyes at Logan? 175 00:07:16,949 --> 00:07:20,051 Trust me, that describes more women than you think. 176 00:07:21,121 --> 00:07:24,652 "He looked at the stunning woman who was his boss and said..." 177 00:07:24,891 --> 00:07:26,472 It's murder. 178 00:07:27,793 --> 00:07:30,457 Figure that out yourself, genius? 179 00:07:31,405 --> 00:07:33,136 Okay, no need to be snarky. 180 00:07:33,251 --> 00:07:34,484 Who would want to kill him? 181 00:07:34,552 --> 00:07:37,511 Could be anyone. Dr. Silvers. 182 00:07:39,504 --> 00:07:41,011 Dr. Prekash. 183 00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:44,777 Hans the Janitor. 184 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:48,715 But the door is locked, 185 00:07:48,783 --> 00:07:50,879 so it has to be someone in this room. 186 00:07:51,030 --> 00:07:53,496 Wow, you are on fire. 187 00:07:56,582 --> 00:07:58,796 Maybe it is a little like Penny. 188 00:07:59,027 --> 00:08:00,764 Any chance she'll be flattered? 189 00:08:00,996 --> 00:08:02,966 I don't know. She's pretty mean. 190 00:08:03,113 --> 00:08:04,468 Ilsa or Penny? 191 00:08:04,636 --> 00:08:06,457 Exactly. 192 00:08:10,394 --> 00:08:11,957 Oh, hey, Howard. What's up? 193 00:08:12,238 --> 00:08:13,574 I'm so sorry. 194 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,347 Wh-Wh-What for? 195 00:08:16,781 --> 00:08:18,426 Hello. 196 00:08:18,926 --> 00:08:20,242 Hello, Sheldon. 197 00:08:20,573 --> 00:08:22,049 I suppose you've come here to tell me 198 00:08:22,117 --> 00:08:25,285 that you've moved me to your super secret enemies list. 199 00:08:25,761 --> 00:08:28,097 I don't have a super secret enemies list. 200 00:08:28,198 --> 00:08:30,023 I'm not a Bond villain. 201 00:08:30,351 --> 00:08:32,074 I'm just a regular guy, 202 00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:34,366 with a regular enemies list. 203 00:08:34,755 --> 00:08:37,996 Which, by the way, you are no longer on. 204 00:08:38,144 --> 00:08:41,043 Really? Well, that is something. 205 00:08:41,191 --> 00:08:44,043 It's not something that I care about, but it is something. 206 00:08:44,418 --> 00:08:46,276 He's trying to say he's sorry. 207 00:08:46,512 --> 00:08:47,625 I am. 208 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:50,861 I watched your show, and it's really good. 209 00:08:51,017 --> 00:08:52,066 Aw, thank you. 210 00:08:52,134 --> 00:08:54,301 And I regret how hard I was on you. 211 00:08:54,379 --> 00:08:55,686 I want you to know 212 00:08:55,754 --> 00:08:58,121 that being on the Professor Proton show 213 00:08:58,199 --> 00:09:00,257 has been a childhood dream of mine. 214 00:09:00,379 --> 00:09:02,068 So, if you're ever looking 215 00:09:02,136 --> 00:09:05,854 for any more scientist guests, I hope you'll consider me. 216 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:09,144 I appreciate that, Sheldon, and I'll keep it in mind. 217 00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:10,951 You know, actually... 218 00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:12,472 Yay! Uh... 219 00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:15,795 No. No. I want to have 220 00:09:15,863 --> 00:09:18,293 more female scientists represented on the show, 221 00:09:18,361 --> 00:09:21,894 and I thought maybe Amy might be interested? 222 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:29,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 223 00:09:31,144 --> 00:09:33,269 (stutters) Or... 224 00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:35,418 wouldn't it be nice 225 00:09:35,528 --> 00:09:39,340 to have us both on, to show that 226 00:09:39,426 --> 00:09:42,996 even female scientists can land a man? 227 00:09:45,176 --> 00:09:46,600 (sighs) 228 00:09:46,668 --> 00:09:48,418 I said "sorry." 229 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,833 So, what do you think? 230 00:09:58,901 --> 00:10:01,677 I like it. I can't wait to see who the killer is. 231 00:10:01,763 --> 00:10:04,739 Is it that Ilsa girl? She seems pretty mean. 232 00:10:05,544 --> 00:10:07,298 But adorably mean, 233 00:10:07,366 --> 00:10:09,841 like a baby lion? 234 00:10:10,942 --> 00:10:13,763 No, regular mean, like a regular lion. 235 00:10:14,979 --> 00:10:17,763 But it seems pretty accurate, considering who you based it on. 236 00:10:18,044 --> 00:10:19,364 Huh. 237 00:10:19,466 --> 00:10:22,302 And... who do you think that is? 238 00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:24,634 But the door is locked, 239 00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:26,869 so it has to be someone in this room. 240 00:10:29,751 --> 00:10:32,352 Wow. You are on fire. 241 00:10:34,906 --> 00:10:36,216 Oh. Y... 242 00:10:36,284 --> 00:10:38,309 Bernadette. Yeah, sure. 243 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,200 Each one of you had a motive. 244 00:10:41,427 --> 00:10:43,583 Who died and made you detective? 245 00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,083 He did. 246 00:10:46,691 --> 00:10:49,185 I think you're neglecting your own motive, 247 00:10:49,292 --> 00:10:51,747 a massive inferiority complex. 248 00:10:51,958 --> 00:10:53,505 It's not massive. 249 00:10:53,806 --> 00:10:55,817 It's just average-sized. 250 00:10:58,421 --> 00:11:00,638 I don't mean to interrupt, but somebody's tracking 251 00:11:00,713 --> 00:11:03,958 blood everywhere, so... Never mind, it's me. 252 00:11:05,091 --> 00:11:07,817 You say we're all suspects. 253 00:11:08,122 --> 00:11:10,013 How do we know you're not the killer? 254 00:11:10,153 --> 00:11:11,536 I have an alibi. 255 00:11:11,676 --> 00:11:15,578 Yeah. He's not smart enough to pull off a murder like this. 256 00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:20,661 It's pretty obvious: blonde, mean, glasses. 257 00:11:20,729 --> 00:11:22,599 - It doesn't say "glasses." - Oh, really? 258 00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:25,294 (stammers) But it will, because Ilsa does. 259 00:11:25,362 --> 00:11:27,220 And... you know who else wears them? 260 00:11:27,389 --> 00:11:29,310 (clicks tongue) Bernadette. 261 00:11:30,284 --> 00:11:32,206 And-and that's her, cause it's, 262 00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:34,500 it's totally, it's totally her. 263 00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:40,120 Oh, Amy. Good, you're here. 264 00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:41,431 Hi. What's up? 265 00:11:41,499 --> 00:11:45,612 How would you like to be on television? 266 00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:47,606 Is it gonna be a news story 267 00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,879 where I have to say you were quiet and kept to yourself 268 00:11:49,947 --> 00:11:51,887 and I'm as shocked as anyone? 269 00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:54,504 No, it's not. 270 00:11:54,579 --> 00:11:58,700 Wil Wheaton wants you to be on Professor Proton. 271 00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:02,043 That's nice, but I'm not really interested. 272 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:03,621 What do you mean? 273 00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,584 But he wants to talk about women in science. 274 00:12:05,652 --> 00:12:08,707 You're a woman, you're in science. You go, girl. 275 00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:11,512 I'm all for promoting women in science, 276 00:12:11,580 --> 00:12:14,215 but I don't really want to be on Wil's show. 277 00:12:15,161 --> 00:12:17,207 Is it because kids may be there, 278 00:12:17,275 --> 00:12:20,325 and they're known carriers of head lice? I get that. 279 00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:23,364 Sure, that's the reason. 280 00:12:23,996 --> 00:12:25,317 Wait a minute. 281 00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:28,007 You're always bragging that lice aren't attracted to you 282 00:12:28,082 --> 00:12:29,348 because your scalp is so oily. 283 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,348 That was on your dating profile. 284 00:12:32,026 --> 00:12:33,481 Okay, look, 285 00:12:33,618 --> 00:12:36,573 I know you have strong feelings about Professor Proton, 286 00:12:36,641 --> 00:12:39,086 and I don't want to get in the middle of that. 287 00:12:39,812 --> 00:12:42,023 So you're not going to do something 288 00:12:42,091 --> 00:12:43,843 just because you think it might upset me? 289 00:12:44,421 --> 00:12:45,976 Well, it's tricky, 290 00:12:46,044 --> 00:12:48,178 because answering that question honestly 291 00:12:48,246 --> 00:12:51,734 is one of the things I tend not to do because it upsets you. 292 00:12:52,113 --> 00:12:54,414 Well, that's very upsetting. 293 00:12:55,462 --> 00:12:57,085 Like I said. 294 00:12:58,353 --> 00:13:01,117 What other things don't you do because of me? 295 00:13:01,943 --> 00:13:03,466 Remember last week when we went 296 00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:06,093 to that dueling piano bar I was so excited about? 297 00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:07,322 No. 298 00:13:07,390 --> 00:13:08,992 Well, now you're getting it. 299 00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:14,820 Boy, I don't know how people who aren't on bed rest 300 00:13:14,888 --> 00:13:17,031 keep up with the Kardashians. 301 00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:19,291 Well, sometimes you have to read in your car 302 00:13:19,374 --> 00:13:21,726 while your husband thinks you're working late. 303 00:13:22,910 --> 00:13:25,911 Speaking of which, he came by yesterday to show me his book. 304 00:13:26,664 --> 00:13:29,320 Oh, and-and what did you think? 305 00:13:29,388 --> 00:13:30,579 I liked it. 306 00:13:30,647 --> 00:13:33,093 Really? The Ilsa character didn't bother you? 307 00:13:33,161 --> 00:13:36,226 Oh, he was exaggerating. You're not really like that. 308 00:13:37,794 --> 00:13:40,327 Well, I know I'm not like that. 309 00:13:40,551 --> 00:13:42,576 The character was based on you. 310 00:13:42,884 --> 00:13:44,095 I don't know what to tell you. 311 00:13:44,163 --> 00:13:46,330 When I brought it up with Leonard, he said it was you. 312 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,947 Well, when I brought it up, he... 313 00:13:49,197 --> 00:13:51,043 got all squirrelly and left the room. 314 00:13:51,111 --> 00:13:52,845 Son of a bitch. 315 00:13:56,515 --> 00:13:59,328 I just learned some very distressing news. 316 00:13:59,396 --> 00:14:01,320 Sometimes, Amy doesn't do things 317 00:14:01,395 --> 00:14:03,656 because she's worried about how I'll react. 318 00:14:03,963 --> 00:14:06,859 First of all, it's not sometimes, it's always. 319 00:14:07,553 --> 00:14:10,546 Second, it's not Amy, it's everybody. 320 00:14:11,162 --> 00:14:13,890 And third, it's not news, it's well-established. 321 00:14:14,742 --> 00:14:16,874 Yeah. Like just now I wanted to get a croissant, 322 00:14:16,942 --> 00:14:19,710 but I didn't want to hear you say, "Ooh, la, la." 323 00:14:21,054 --> 00:14:23,236 So you're saying everyone walks on eggshells 324 00:14:23,304 --> 00:14:24,617 to spare my feelings? 325 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:26,429 No, of course not, because we don't want 326 00:14:26,497 --> 00:14:28,235 to hear you complain about how much you hate the sound 327 00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,249 of crunching eggshells. 328 00:14:31,209 --> 00:14:34,070 I don't want my relationship with Amy to be like that. 329 00:14:34,138 --> 00:14:36,921 Sheldon, Amy knew what she was getting into. 330 00:14:36,989 --> 00:14:38,041 You think? 331 00:14:38,109 --> 00:14:39,812 Yes, we warned her. 332 00:14:41,498 --> 00:14:43,958 Well, regardless, I can change. 333 00:14:44,026 --> 00:14:46,226 - (both laugh) Sure. - Yeah, of course you can. 334 00:14:47,007 --> 00:14:49,242 You know, everybody thinks I'm so predictable. 335 00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:51,300 Well, tomorrow I'm gonna show up at work 336 00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,101 and do something no one will expect. 337 00:14:53,169 --> 00:14:55,843 Where a baseball cap backwards to prove your point? 338 00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:03,085 Yes, but which hat? 339 00:15:03,827 --> 00:15:05,374 Gryffindor. 340 00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:08,906 Well, now that you guessed it, I'm not gonna do it. 341 00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:10,843 Yeah, you will. 342 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,093 Yeah. 343 00:15:18,513 --> 00:15:20,156 (scoffs) 344 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,984 Looks like the bullet went right through you. 345 00:15:26,052 --> 00:15:27,852 Damn it, Logan. When are you gonna stop? 346 00:15:28,070 --> 00:15:31,320 Sorry. I didn't get my PhD in quitting. 347 00:15:32,068 --> 00:15:35,195 You're a physicist. What makes you think you can solve a crime? 348 00:15:35,263 --> 00:15:36,781 He's losing a lot of blood. 349 00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:39,374 Great. I'm gonna have to clean that up. 350 00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:42,694 You know what? A little soda water 351 00:15:42,762 --> 00:15:44,781 might get that right out. 352 00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:47,867 - We got to find some bandages. - ILSA: No. 353 00:15:47,935 --> 00:15:49,374 There's no time. 354 00:15:52,874 --> 00:15:54,257 Does it hurt? 355 00:15:54,585 --> 00:15:56,968 Everything you do hurts. 356 00:15:59,177 --> 00:16:02,382 Then why do you keep coming back for more? 357 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:07,062 (door opens) 358 00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:08,149 Hey. 359 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,101 So this is what you think of me? 360 00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:12,718 Huh? I'm mean and everything I do hurts you? 361 00:16:12,786 --> 00:16:14,358 What are you talking about? 362 00:16:14,426 --> 00:16:16,082 I know I'm Ilsa. 363 00:16:16,187 --> 00:16:18,549 Wha...? That is crazy. 364 00:16:18,617 --> 00:16:20,117 You-you two are totally different. 365 00:16:20,185 --> 00:16:21,213 How? 366 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,814 Well, you... She... 367 00:16:24,652 --> 00:16:26,374 Her name's Ilsa. 368 00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:28,518 You know what? 369 00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:30,025 It's fine. Write whatever you want. 370 00:16:30,093 --> 00:16:32,788 And by the way, Logan Dean can tell everyone he's five-eight, 371 00:16:32,856 --> 00:16:34,948 but he's not fooling anybody! 372 00:16:45,523 --> 00:16:47,429 Are you sure that's the move you want to make? 373 00:16:47,583 --> 00:16:48,828 Absolutely. 374 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:51,531 Okay. 375 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,953 Checkmate. 376 00:16:55,905 --> 00:16:58,421 Oh, I did not see that coming. 377 00:16:59,171 --> 00:17:01,351 That's well played, Amy. 378 00:17:01,874 --> 00:17:03,288 What's going on? 379 00:17:04,367 --> 00:17:07,970 You beat me, and I am responding with humility and admiration. 380 00:17:08,038 --> 00:17:09,418 What does it look like? 381 00:17:09,804 --> 00:17:11,781 You let me win so you could show me 382 00:17:11,817 --> 00:17:14,398 how emotionally mature you are, didn't you? 383 00:17:14,515 --> 00:17:16,484 Well, I couldn't wait for you to actually beat me; 384 00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:18,312 that would take forever. 385 00:17:19,398 --> 00:17:20,988 I'm sorry. It's... 386 00:17:21,171 --> 00:17:22,460 I'm trying to show you 387 00:17:22,528 --> 00:17:23,679 that I can change. 388 00:17:23,747 --> 00:17:27,265 I-I don't want you to miss out on things because of me. 389 00:17:28,007 --> 00:17:29,405 I know you don't. 390 00:17:29,546 --> 00:17:31,546 You know, and maybe somewhere out there, 391 00:17:31,614 --> 00:17:34,940 there is a little girl who will see you on Wil's show 392 00:17:35,052 --> 00:17:37,374 and realize that she, too, can grow up 393 00:17:37,442 --> 00:17:39,484 to be a brilliant, amazing, 394 00:17:39,577 --> 00:17:41,515 successful scientist. 395 00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:44,398 Thank you. 396 00:17:44,474 --> 00:17:46,804 Who is really terrible at chess. 397 00:17:47,795 --> 00:17:48,888 Got it. 398 00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:50,989 No, no, no. I mean really bad. 399 00:17:51,178 --> 00:17:54,265 What was your queen doing over there, going shopping? 400 00:17:57,643 --> 00:18:00,110 I mean, I-I didn't intend to write about Penny, 401 00:18:00,178 --> 00:18:02,704 but I guess maybe subconsciously I did. 402 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:06,064 I believe you mean "unconsciously," dear. 403 00:18:07,088 --> 00:18:08,844 Yeah, sure. You know, it would be nice 404 00:18:08,912 --> 00:18:10,807 if you didn't correct me all the time. 405 00:18:10,888 --> 00:18:13,182 It would be nice if I didn't have to. 406 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:17,049 Maybe this book of yours is a bad idea. 407 00:18:17,213 --> 00:18:18,338 What do you mean? 408 00:18:18,406 --> 00:18:19,672 Well, you're a physicist. 409 00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:22,096 What makes you think you can write a book? 410 00:18:27,416 --> 00:18:28,797 You're a physicist. 411 00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:31,713 What makes you think you can solve a crime? 412 00:18:34,019 --> 00:18:35,173 Got to go. 413 00:18:35,256 --> 00:18:37,283 I think you mean "have..." 414 00:18:39,059 --> 00:18:40,357 Oh, Penny, good news. 415 00:18:40,425 --> 00:18:41,774 - It's not you. - What? 416 00:18:41,952 --> 00:18:43,830 Ilsa. It's not you. It's my mother. 417 00:18:43,898 --> 00:18:45,756 I've been writing about my mother! 418 00:18:46,604 --> 00:18:48,805 I think you're neglecting your own motive, 419 00:18:48,898 --> 00:18:51,323 a massive inferiority complex. 420 00:18:51,509 --> 00:18:52,869 It's not massive. 421 00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:55,252 It's just average-sized. 422 00:18:59,728 --> 00:19:01,291 We got to find some bandages. 423 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:03,103 There's no time. 424 00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:08,713 Does it hurt? 425 00:19:08,908 --> 00:19:11,025 Everything you do hurts. 426 00:19:12,010 --> 00:19:14,252 Then why do you keep coming back for more? 427 00:19:14,455 --> 00:19:15,819 Maybe you like it. 428 00:19:16,751 --> 00:19:19,385 I... M-Maybe I do. 429 00:19:24,399 --> 00:19:27,766 Penny, what? I'm a physicist. What I'm doing by writing a book? 430 00:19:35,531 --> 00:19:37,181 WHEATON: Well, that is our show for today. 431 00:19:37,258 --> 00:19:39,125 And I want to say a very special thank you 432 00:19:39,194 --> 00:19:40,931 to Dr. Amy Fowler for being here. 433 00:19:40,999 --> 00:19:42,679 It was a real pleasure having you. 434 00:19:42,773 --> 00:19:44,363 And you can feel that pleasure 435 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:48,718 because you don't have a lesion in your nucleus accumbens. 436 00:19:49,412 --> 00:19:51,593 I really hope I don't. 437 00:19:52,455 --> 00:19:54,121 All right, we'll see you next time! 438 00:19:54,189 --> 00:19:56,449 ♪♪ (Professor Proton theme music plays) 439 00:19:57,228 --> 00:19:58,478 Amy. 440 00:19:58,689 --> 00:19:59,923 You were glowing. 441 00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:01,462 (giggles) 442 00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:04,431 Oily scalp. 443 00:20:05,658 --> 00:20:07,477 I'm so proud of you. 444 00:20:08,329 --> 00:20:10,134 And I'm proud of you. 445 00:20:10,407 --> 00:20:12,602 Because you can't tell how jealous I am? 446 00:20:12,688 --> 00:20:15,087 No, no, no. I can. 447 00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,742 But I can tell how hard you're trying to keep it in. 448 00:20:18,923 --> 00:20:20,466 Really hard. 449 00:20:22,813 --> 00:20:23,922 I'm gonna go to bed. 450 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,181 All right, I'm gonna go scream on the roof. 451 00:20:25,248 --> 00:20:26,930 - Love you. - Love you. 452 00:20:36,921 --> 00:20:39,110 (Sheldon screaming) 453 00:20:42,863 --> 00:20:45,754 ♪♪ 453 00:20:46,305 --> 00:21:46,588 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today