1 00:00:00,586 --> 00:00:03,265 _ 2 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:05,609 In the afterlife, there's a good place 3 00:00:05,648 --> 00:00:06,848 and there's a bad place. 4 00:00:06,884 --> 00:00:08,484 You're in the Good Place. 5 00:00:08,519 --> 00:00:11,554 - [sighs in relief] - Eleanor, you are my soul mate. 6 00:00:11,588 --> 00:00:13,456 Chidi, you'll stand by my side 7 00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:16,025 - no matter what, right? - Of course I will. 8 00:00:16,060 --> 00:00:18,061 I'm not supposed to be here. 9 00:00:18,095 --> 00:00:19,796 - Wait, what? - Eleanor, Chidi, 10 00:00:19,830 --> 00:00:22,365 I would like you to meet Tahani and Jianyu. 11 00:00:22,399 --> 00:00:23,499 - Boop! - Oh! 12 00:00:23,534 --> 00:00:25,134 - You booped me. - I did. 13 00:00:25,169 --> 00:00:27,170 His real name is Jason. He's a drug-dealing DJ 14 00:00:27,204 --> 00:00:29,038 - from Florida. - What's up, homey? 15 00:00:29,073 --> 00:00:31,975 The problem in the neighborhood... is me. 16 00:00:32,009 --> 00:00:34,344 - [all gasping] - You have all done bad things 17 00:00:34,378 --> 00:00:35,812 since you arrived here. 18 00:00:35,846 --> 00:00:37,680 The Bad Place is owed two people. 19 00:00:37,715 --> 00:00:38,848 You can decide. 20 00:00:38,882 --> 00:00:43,886 Holy motherforking shirtballs. 21 00:00:43,921 --> 00:00:46,723 - This is the Bad Place. - [cackling] 22 00:00:46,757 --> 00:00:48,024 Except for you four, 23 00:00:48,058 --> 00:00:49,993 everyone in this neighborhood 24 00:00:50,027 --> 00:00:53,896 - is one of us. - You saw us all on Earth... 25 00:00:53,931 --> 00:00:56,866 a selfish ass, an idiot DJ, 26 00:00:56,900 --> 00:01:00,003 a tortured academic, a hot, rich fraud. 27 00:01:00,037 --> 00:01:02,338 You thought we would torture each other. 28 00:01:02,373 --> 00:01:05,541 The only thing you succeeded in doing 29 00:01:05,576 --> 00:01:07,343 was bringing us all together. 30 00:01:07,378 --> 00:01:09,445 That's it! My big mistake 31 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:13,082 was having you be soul mates living next to each other. 32 00:01:13,117 --> 00:01:15,051 Next time, I'll spread you out 33 00:01:15,085 --> 00:01:16,686 so it's more of a slow burn. 34 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,221 I'm gonna erase your memories, 35 00:01:18,255 --> 00:01:19,856 make a few changes, and start over again. 36 00:01:19,890 --> 00:01:21,858 Just gotta get the boss-man to sign off. 37 00:01:21,892 --> 00:01:23,393 If this thing goes sideways again, 38 00:01:23,427 --> 00:01:24,894 you are done. 39 00:01:24,928 --> 00:01:26,896 Do your worst. We figured it out once, 40 00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:28,231 we can do it again. 41 00:01:28,265 --> 00:01:29,699 Janet? Open up. 42 00:01:29,733 --> 00:01:31,868 Because you know what, Michael? 43 00:01:31,902 --> 00:01:33,202 You basic... 44 00:01:33,237 --> 00:01:36,305 You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead. 45 00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:38,408 - Cool. - I'm your soul mate. 46 00:01:38,442 --> 00:01:40,943 You'll stand by me no matter what, right? 47 00:01:40,978 --> 00:01:42,378 Hold that thought. 48 00:01:42,413 --> 00:01:43,746 Is it okay if I go work out? 49 00:01:43,781 --> 00:01:46,716 I gotta stay jacked. It's... who I am. 50 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:49,052 - See you soon. - Hi there. 51 00:01:49,086 --> 00:01:50,820 - [yelps] - I'm Janet. 52 00:01:50,854 --> 00:01:53,122 I think this is yours. After I was rebooted, 53 00:01:53,157 --> 00:01:54,891 I found it in my mouth. 54 00:01:54,925 --> 00:01:57,927 What the fork is a "Chidi"? 55 00:01:57,961 --> 00:01:59,629 Why can't I say fork? 56 00:01:59,663 --> 00:02:02,632 [suspenseful music] 57 00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:03,718 ♪ 58 00:02:03,742 --> 00:02:05,742 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 59 00:02:07,938 --> 00:02:10,573 Okay, here we go. 60 00:02:10,607 --> 00:02:12,408 Confidence, Mikey. 61 00:02:12,443 --> 00:02:14,911 Project confidence. 62 00:02:14,945 --> 00:02:16,579 There he is! How's it going, boss-man? 63 00:02:16,613 --> 00:02:18,514 Enough chit-chat. Is everything in place 64 00:02:18,549 --> 00:02:19,916 - for version two? - Yup! 65 00:02:19,950 --> 00:02:22,118 We're keeping everything from version one 66 00:02:22,152 --> 00:02:25,088 that made them miserable, adding a bunch of new stuff 67 00:02:25,122 --> 00:02:27,256 that they'll hate. For example, 68 00:02:27,291 --> 00:02:30,326 all the coffee is from those little pods. 69 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,661 [laughs] 70 00:02:31,695 --> 00:02:33,529 Diabolical. 71 00:02:33,564 --> 00:02:37,800 Plus, they will all have new soul mates, of course. 72 00:02:37,835 --> 00:02:39,102 You gotta trust me on this, boss. 73 00:02:39,136 --> 00:02:41,270 I've thought of everything. 74 00:02:41,305 --> 00:02:42,972 - I won't let you down. - I think you will. 75 00:02:43,006 --> 00:02:44,607 I think this entire project 76 00:02:44,641 --> 00:02:46,275 of yours is stupid and doomed to fail. 77 00:02:46,310 --> 00:02:47,877 I think you're going to be retired, 78 00:02:47,911 --> 00:02:49,612 eliminated from existence 79 00:02:49,646 --> 00:02:51,013 and burned on the surface of a billion suns. 80 00:02:51,048 --> 00:02:52,615 And I have no doubt that you 81 00:02:52,649 --> 00:02:53,683 and your cockamamy experiment 82 00:02:53,717 --> 00:02:54,817 will go down in history 83 00:02:54,852 --> 00:02:56,285 as colossal failures. 84 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,621 - You know, I think if... - Toodle-oo. 85 00:02:58,655 --> 00:03:01,124 Okay, take two, folks. 86 00:03:01,158 --> 00:03:03,159 Any last questions before we start up again? 87 00:03:03,193 --> 00:03:05,995 - Yes. - Just so I'm clear: 88 00:03:06,029 --> 00:03:07,797 we're not pairing them up this time? 89 00:03:07,831 --> 00:03:10,867 Correct. Obviously, the eventual goal 90 00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,335 is to get them to torture each other, 91 00:03:12,369 --> 00:03:14,637 but first we're going to create 92 00:03:14,671 --> 00:03:16,539 some nice, individual torment. 93 00:03:16,573 --> 00:03:19,542 In version one... making them soul mates, 94 00:03:19,576 --> 00:03:22,645 we probably bit off more than we could chew. 95 00:03:22,679 --> 00:03:24,213 We could bite them? 96 00:03:24,248 --> 00:03:26,215 I didn't know we were allowed to bite them. 97 00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:28,184 That's an expression, Chuck. 98 00:03:28,218 --> 00:03:29,585 All right, go ahead, Vicky. 99 00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:30,753 Yeah, I have some questions 100 00:03:30,787 --> 00:03:32,555 about my new character. 101 00:03:32,589 --> 00:03:34,891 I feel like I got Real Eleanor... 102 00:03:34,925 --> 00:03:37,026 like, I got her, you know? 103 00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:39,662 But this new character, "Denise"... I mean, 104 00:03:39,696 --> 00:03:41,998 who is she? I don't get her. 105 00:03:42,032 --> 00:03:44,233 Is she a quirky best friend type, 106 00:03:44,268 --> 00:03:46,035 or more of a femme fatale, 107 00:03:46,069 --> 00:03:48,104 "sexuality is her weapon of choice" type? 108 00:03:48,138 --> 00:03:50,773 - Both... both those things. - I have some questions 109 00:03:50,807 --> 00:03:53,176 about my character too. Like... 110 00:03:53,210 --> 00:03:55,344 - can he bite them? - No. 111 00:03:55,379 --> 00:03:57,847 Okay, reminder: the most important thing tonight... 112 00:03:57,881 --> 00:04:01,250 and this is crucial... you need to get Eleanor drunk 113 00:04:01,285 --> 00:04:04,520 at the welcome party, so she will say and do 114 00:04:04,555 --> 00:04:07,957 a bunch of bad stuff. And then we take that stuff 115 00:04:07,991 --> 00:04:11,060 and use it to build our chaos sequence 116 00:04:11,094 --> 00:04:12,628 in the morning. For example, 117 00:04:12,663 --> 00:04:13,896 you remember last time, 118 00:04:13,931 --> 00:04:15,798 she stole all the cocktail shrimp, 119 00:04:15,832 --> 00:04:19,969 and we made giant nightmare shrimp fly through the sky? 120 00:04:20,003 --> 00:04:21,938 See, it's those details 121 00:04:21,972 --> 00:04:24,574 that make her realize she's in danger 122 00:04:24,608 --> 00:04:27,376 of being found out. 123 00:04:27,411 --> 00:04:32,248 I know that this kind of large-scale deception 124 00:04:32,282 --> 00:04:34,383 is not what you were trained to do. 125 00:04:34,418 --> 00:04:36,886 There are gonna be days when you're just sick 126 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,622 of being around these disgusting humans, 127 00:04:39,656 --> 00:04:43,159 with their weird, gross little mouths, 128 00:04:43,193 --> 00:04:45,728 and their stupid elbows. 129 00:04:45,762 --> 00:04:47,597 You're gonna be tempted to say, 130 00:04:47,631 --> 00:04:50,499 "Screw it. Can't we just go back to HQ 131 00:04:50,534 --> 00:04:52,468 "and do this the old-fashioned way? 132 00:04:52,502 --> 00:04:55,838 "Pull out some fingernails, toss someone in an acid pit, 133 00:04:55,872 --> 00:04:57,907 fire up the old penis flattener?" 134 00:04:57,941 --> 00:05:01,577 And sure, sure, that sounds nice. 135 00:05:01,612 --> 00:05:03,579 But it also sounds easy. 136 00:05:03,614 --> 00:05:06,182 We're all here because we believe 137 00:05:06,216 --> 00:05:09,585 that there's a better way to make humans miserable. 138 00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:13,256 And I... I believe in you. 139 00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:16,926 So, "torture" on three. 140 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,828 Ready? One, two, three... 141 00:05:18,862 --> 00:05:20,162 all: Torture! 142 00:05:20,197 --> 00:05:22,865 - And biting! - Nope! No. 143 00:05:22,899 --> 00:05:25,768 [pleasant music] 144 00:05:25,802 --> 00:05:29,472 ♪ 145 00:05:31,708 --> 00:05:33,809 Hey, lady? 146 00:05:33,844 --> 00:05:35,478 Can you come back? 147 00:05:35,512 --> 00:05:37,980 J...oey? 148 00:05:38,015 --> 00:05:40,616 Janine? 149 00:05:40,651 --> 00:05:43,452 J... Jaja? 150 00:05:43,487 --> 00:05:45,688 [scoffs] Why don't I ever listen to people 151 00:05:45,722 --> 00:05:47,189 when they talk about themselves? 152 00:05:47,224 --> 00:05:49,792 No, it's annoying, and I'm right not to. 153 00:05:49,826 --> 00:05:52,495 Okay, Chidi, where are you? 154 00:05:52,529 --> 00:05:54,964 Or what are you? 155 00:05:54,998 --> 00:05:57,466 A type of soup, maybe? 156 00:05:57,501 --> 00:06:01,137 ♪ 157 00:06:01,171 --> 00:06:03,906 Hi there. I'm Eleanor. 158 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:06,075 Nice to meet you, Eleanor. I'm Nina. 159 00:06:06,109 --> 00:06:07,843 This is my soul mate, Bart. 160 00:06:07,878 --> 00:06:11,013 Love it. Love people's names 161 00:06:11,048 --> 00:06:12,815 and love learning all about them. 162 00:06:12,849 --> 00:06:15,151 - Where are you all from? - Well, oddly enough, 163 00:06:15,185 --> 00:06:17,486 - I was born in Mozambique... - Cool. Listen, 164 00:06:17,521 --> 00:06:20,523 do you guys know if there's, like, a neighborhood phone book 165 00:06:20,557 --> 00:06:22,325 with everybody's name listed in it? 166 00:06:22,359 --> 00:06:24,327 Oh, I don't think so, 'cause, 167 00:06:24,361 --> 00:06:25,928 I mean, there's no phones here. [laughs] 168 00:06:25,962 --> 00:06:28,497 There are no phones here? 169 00:06:28,532 --> 00:06:30,333 Of course. Duh! 170 00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:32,435 [laughs] There's no use for 'em. 171 00:06:32,469 --> 00:06:34,837 I always prefer talking to people anyway. 172 00:06:34,871 --> 00:06:40,009 People... are like nature's apps. 173 00:06:40,043 --> 00:06:42,111 Huh. Anyway, we're on our way 174 00:06:42,145 --> 00:06:43,713 to get some pizza. Would you like to join us? 175 00:06:43,747 --> 00:06:45,247 Maybe we could get to know each other a little bit, 176 00:06:45,282 --> 00:06:46,716 - chat. - Uh, I'm good. 177 00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,017 I'm gonna explore a little bit. 178 00:06:48,051 --> 00:06:49,585 But it was so nice to meet you Nina, 179 00:06:49,619 --> 00:06:51,520 and B... 180 00:06:51,555 --> 00:06:53,389 bye-bye. 181 00:06:53,423 --> 00:06:56,959 [uncomfortable string music] 182 00:06:56,993 --> 00:06:58,694 Oh, sorry, I didn't see you. 183 00:07:00,297 --> 00:07:03,032 Chidi? Are you Chidi? 184 00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:07,536 [otherworldly ringing music] 185 00:07:07,571 --> 00:07:09,205 Eleanor? What are you up to? 186 00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:11,307 Oh, hey there, Michael. 187 00:07:11,341 --> 00:07:13,075 Just getting to know everyone in the neighborhood. 188 00:07:13,110 --> 00:07:14,577 - Oh! - Who was 189 00:07:14,611 --> 00:07:17,580 that mysterious gentleman wearing the nightgown? 190 00:07:17,614 --> 00:07:20,950 Oh, that's Jianyu, a Taiwanese monk 191 00:07:20,984 --> 00:07:22,651 who never speaks. 192 00:07:22,686 --> 00:07:25,921 Might be a little hard to get to know him. [laughs] 193 00:07:25,956 --> 00:07:29,058 Eleanor... you and I both know 194 00:07:29,092 --> 00:07:30,893 that you're not like everyone else 195 00:07:30,927 --> 00:07:32,561 in this neighborhood. 196 00:07:32,596 --> 00:07:36,966 Everyone here led a remarkable life. 197 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:42,271 But you... the work you did as an environmental activist 198 00:07:42,305 --> 00:07:44,740 was just extraordinary! 199 00:07:44,775 --> 00:07:46,842 Ah... [chuckles] Well, 200 00:07:46,877 --> 00:07:49,745 it's the environment. I mean, 201 00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:51,580 I loved, um... 202 00:07:51,615 --> 00:07:53,582 mushrooms. 203 00:07:53,617 --> 00:07:56,619 - I can honestly say that. - Well, it paid off, 204 00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:59,088 because you were the number one point-getter 205 00:07:59,122 --> 00:08:01,157 in this entire neighborhood. 206 00:08:01,191 --> 00:08:02,858 And as such, I was just hoping that you could 207 00:08:02,893 --> 00:08:05,461 say a few words at tonight's welcome party. 208 00:08:05,495 --> 00:08:07,430 You know, just to introduce yourself. 209 00:08:07,464 --> 00:08:09,598 How can I say no? [laughs] 210 00:08:09,633 --> 00:08:11,267 Can I say no? It doesn't feel like 211 00:08:11,301 --> 00:08:12,668 I can say no. But if I can: 212 00:08:12,702 --> 00:08:14,370 - Michael, I'm saying no. - Okay, 213 00:08:14,404 --> 00:08:17,039 so, you'll speak for... maybe an hour or so? 214 00:08:17,073 --> 00:08:18,607 Hey, you know what? I... 215 00:08:18,642 --> 00:08:20,609 got you a little something to wear here. 216 00:08:20,644 --> 00:08:22,711 Now, all the top point-getters wear these 217 00:08:22,746 --> 00:08:25,281 - on the first night. - [gasps quietly] 218 00:08:25,315 --> 00:08:27,950 [whispering] Oh, you gotta be forking kidding me. 219 00:08:27,984 --> 00:08:31,020 So, long story short, my heart is in the Pope, 220 00:08:31,054 --> 00:08:33,622 my liver's in the Dalai Lama, and my teeth were strung 221 00:08:33,657 --> 00:08:37,293 into a necklace for a child king in French Polynesia. 222 00:08:37,327 --> 00:08:39,028 But it got me into the Good Place, 223 00:08:39,062 --> 00:08:41,530 - so... can't complain. - Wow. 224 00:08:41,565 --> 00:08:43,799 Can I... tell you something, 225 00:08:43,834 --> 00:08:46,402 - just soul-mate to soul-mate? - Hold that thought. 226 00:08:46,436 --> 00:08:49,305 - I'm gonna head to the gym. - [laughs] 227 00:08:49,339 --> 00:08:52,475 Oh, you're serious. Again? Right now? 228 00:08:52,509 --> 00:08:55,478 Yeah. I'll catch you later! 229 00:08:55,512 --> 00:08:58,247 Hey there, best person! 230 00:08:58,281 --> 00:09:00,749 You must be Eleanor. I'm Jessica, the host. 231 00:09:00,784 --> 00:09:02,351 - Hi. - Michael told us all about 232 00:09:02,385 --> 00:09:04,253 your speech. I can't wait to hear 233 00:09:04,287 --> 00:09:06,188 - what you have to say. - Me neither, Jessica. 234 00:09:06,223 --> 00:09:07,723 Me. Neither. 235 00:09:07,757 --> 00:09:10,059 Aw, don't be nervous. Here. 236 00:09:10,093 --> 00:09:14,163 - Liquid courage. - Actually, um... you know what? 237 00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:16,031 I think I need to keep a clear head. 238 00:09:16,066 --> 00:09:19,201 Can you imagine getting drunk before giving a big speech? 239 00:09:19,236 --> 00:09:21,504 Getting kicked out of your niece's christening, 240 00:09:21,538 --> 00:09:23,506 and then, only later, once you've sobered up, 241 00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:25,341 realize you don't even have a niece. 242 00:09:25,375 --> 00:09:26,942 It's like, who was that kid? 243 00:09:26,977 --> 00:09:28,210 [chuckles nervously] 244 00:09:28,245 --> 00:09:29,445 So, Eleanor, 245 00:09:29,479 --> 00:09:30,746 you were an environmental lawyer. 246 00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:32,248 - That's fascinating. - Yeah. 247 00:09:32,282 --> 00:09:33,616 I know. Just don't ask me 248 00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:35,351 any questions about it. I am so sick 249 00:09:35,385 --> 00:09:36,619 of describing exactly what it means. 250 00:09:36,653 --> 00:09:38,454 Hey, I'm headed to the bar. 251 00:09:38,488 --> 00:09:40,523 Can I grab you something? How about a margarita? 252 00:09:40,557 --> 00:09:41,957 - No, I'm good. - [stammers] 253 00:09:41,992 --> 00:09:43,192 Actually, I'm the best... 254 00:09:43,226 --> 00:09:45,327 according to the sash. 255 00:09:47,130 --> 00:09:49,031 She's still not drinking? 256 00:09:49,065 --> 00:09:50,633 Nope. Something's off. 257 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,134 Should we... 258 00:09:52,168 --> 00:09:54,703 - [makes chomping sounds] - No. 259 00:09:54,738 --> 00:09:56,772 Keep it together. 260 00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:01,577 [sighs] Ah, screw it. 261 00:10:01,611 --> 00:10:04,547 Couple of quick shots... [gasps softly] 262 00:10:04,581 --> 00:10:07,416 And then I'm coming for you, shrimpies. 263 00:10:11,955 --> 00:10:15,057 Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 264 00:10:15,091 --> 00:10:17,927 [bright string music] 265 00:10:17,961 --> 00:10:19,261 ♪ 266 00:10:19,296 --> 00:10:21,230 These are for you. 267 00:10:21,264 --> 00:10:23,599 Drink up. 268 00:10:23,633 --> 00:10:26,569 Hi. Is your name Chidi? 269 00:10:26,603 --> 00:10:29,572 - Yes? - Ah! I knew you weren't a soup. 270 00:10:29,606 --> 00:10:32,408 - What? - Listen to me very carefully. 271 00:10:32,442 --> 00:10:35,411 My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. 272 00:10:35,445 --> 00:10:37,046 We need to talk. 273 00:10:38,266 --> 00:10:39,844 [rushing sound] 274 00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:43,108 [door clicks open] 275 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:45,610 Chidi? Come on in. 276 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,320 So there really is an afterlife. 277 00:10:48,366 --> 00:10:51,101 I can't wait to have breakfast with Kant, 278 00:10:51,135 --> 00:10:53,170 and lunch with Michele Foucault, 279 00:10:53,204 --> 00:10:54,838 and then have dinner with Kant again, 280 00:10:54,872 --> 00:10:56,506 so we can talk about what came up at breakfast. 281 00:10:56,541 --> 00:11:00,377 I'm sorry, Chidi... all the great philosophers in history... [inhales] 282 00:11:00,481 --> 00:11:02,149 ended up in the Bad Place. 283 00:11:02,175 --> 00:11:04,476 All of my heroes are... 284 00:11:04,511 --> 00:11:06,578 Being tortured. Yes, I'm afraid so. 285 00:11:06,613 --> 00:11:11,617 Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers. 286 00:11:11,651 --> 00:11:14,620 Every day, they make them go to school... 287 00:11:14,654 --> 00:11:17,523 naked, and then they take a test 288 00:11:17,557 --> 00:11:19,458 in a class they've never been to. 289 00:11:19,492 --> 00:11:22,294 [chuckles] And then they smash them with hammers. 290 00:11:22,328 --> 00:11:24,029 And that part is not so clever. 291 00:11:24,063 --> 00:11:25,464 But the point is: 292 00:11:25,498 --> 00:11:29,434 Chidi, you were way better than all of them. 293 00:11:29,469 --> 00:11:31,036 You're safe. 294 00:11:31,070 --> 00:11:32,437 [pleasant music] 295 00:11:32,472 --> 00:11:35,474 No way. Soul mates are real? 296 00:11:35,508 --> 00:11:36,975 They sure are. Although, 297 00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:39,545 your soul-mate situation is a little unusual. 298 00:11:39,579 --> 00:11:42,614 Oh, no. I don't have one, do I? 299 00:11:42,649 --> 00:11:44,149 That's fine. I mean, who needs a soul mate, 300 00:11:44,184 --> 00:11:46,385 anyway? My soul mate will be... 301 00:11:46,419 --> 00:11:47,953 - books! - No, no, 302 00:11:47,987 --> 00:11:49,888 it's not that you don't have a soul mate, 303 00:11:49,923 --> 00:11:52,958 it's that you have multiple soul mates. 304 00:11:52,992 --> 00:11:54,493 Here. Now, 305 00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:56,828 normally, our omniscient system 306 00:11:56,863 --> 00:11:59,831 perfectly analyzes each person's profile, 307 00:11:59,866 --> 00:12:02,534 and then matches him or her with another person. 308 00:12:02,569 --> 00:12:04,970 But in your case, the system matched you 309 00:12:05,004 --> 00:12:06,672 with two other people. 310 00:12:06,706 --> 00:12:08,707 It's a rare occurrence, like... 311 00:12:08,741 --> 00:12:10,375 like a double rainbow, 312 00:12:10,410 --> 00:12:12,878 or someone on the Internet saying, 313 00:12:12,912 --> 00:12:14,313 "You know what? 314 00:12:14,347 --> 00:12:15,914 You've convinced me I was wrong." 315 00:12:15,949 --> 00:12:17,683 So, how do you choose who I should be with? 316 00:12:17,717 --> 00:12:19,718 Oh, I don't choose. You do, Chidi. 317 00:12:19,752 --> 00:12:21,987 I... [stammers] What? 318 00:12:22,021 --> 00:12:25,924 This is Angélique, Pedro, and Pevita. 319 00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:30,195 According to the system, either Pedro or Chidi 320 00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:33,365 could be matched perfectly with either Angélique or Pevita. 321 00:12:33,399 --> 00:12:37,436 So, figure it out. Should be fun. 322 00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:40,239 Cool... beans. One second, guys. 323 00:12:40,273 --> 00:12:42,107 - Um, so, so, so... - Yeah? 324 00:12:42,141 --> 00:12:45,444 Yeah, so... making decisions isn't necessarily 325 00:12:45,478 --> 00:12:47,713 - my strong suit. - I know that, buddy. 326 00:12:47,747 --> 00:12:51,383 You... you once had a panic attack at a make-your-own-sundae bar. 327 00:12:51,417 --> 00:12:52,618 There were too many toppings. 328 00:12:52,652 --> 00:12:54,419 And very early in the process 329 00:12:54,454 --> 00:12:56,054 you had to commit to a chocolate palate 330 00:12:56,089 --> 00:12:57,756 or a fruit palate, and if you couldn't decide, 331 00:12:57,790 --> 00:12:59,858 you wound up with kiwi-Junior-Mint-raisin, 332 00:12:59,892 --> 00:13:01,426 and it just ruins everyone's night. 333 00:13:01,461 --> 00:13:03,428 Chidi, I am so sorry. 334 00:13:03,463 --> 00:13:05,731 I literally cannot choose for you. 335 00:13:05,765 --> 00:13:08,300 This has to be your decision. 336 00:13:08,334 --> 00:13:10,602 Buddy, you gotta trust me. 337 00:13:10,637 --> 00:13:14,640 I would never place you... in a painful situation. 338 00:13:14,674 --> 00:13:17,242 A- Right. Um... 339 00:13:17,277 --> 00:13:19,611 You ready, Chidi? 340 00:13:19,646 --> 00:13:21,046 Here you go, Chidi. 341 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:22,247 One slice of Hawaiian, 342 00:13:22,282 --> 00:13:23,715 straight out the oven for you. 343 00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:25,817 I'm Denise. Welcome to my pizza place. 344 00:13:25,852 --> 00:13:27,986 - Thanks, Denise. - And here's one for you. 345 00:13:28,021 --> 00:13:29,288 [dismissively] Have a nice day. 346 00:13:29,322 --> 00:13:30,922 It's interesting that 347 00:13:30,957 --> 00:13:32,824 Hawaiian pizza is so popular here. 348 00:13:32,859 --> 00:13:34,726 Yeah, I guess a lot of the residents here love it. 349 00:13:34,761 --> 00:13:36,261 Kind of makes you wonder 350 00:13:36,296 --> 00:13:38,130 what type of pizza they have in the Bad Place, huh? 351 00:13:38,164 --> 00:13:39,665 [both laughing] 352 00:13:39,699 --> 00:13:42,100 So, I can't believe you studied in Brisbane. 353 00:13:42,135 --> 00:13:43,935 We must have just missed each other. 354 00:13:43,970 --> 00:13:45,937 - What was your thesis on? - Oh, gosh. 355 00:13:45,972 --> 00:13:47,973 It was so boring. It was called, 356 00:13:48,007 --> 00:13:50,676 "Cultural Relativism and Moral Absolutism: 357 00:13:50,710 --> 00:13:52,577 "An Exploration of Values As Seen Through 358 00:13:52,612 --> 00:13:54,012 "The Works of Alain LeRoy... 359 00:13:54,047 --> 00:13:56,181 both: Locke and Immanuel Kant"! 360 00:13:56,215 --> 00:13:57,849 Shut up. You read it? 361 00:13:57,884 --> 00:14:00,952 No, but that pairing is the most obvious pairing 362 00:14:00,987 --> 00:14:02,754 to employ in a paper with that title, 363 00:14:02,789 --> 00:14:05,123 - and I wanna read it so bad! - [laughing] 364 00:14:05,158 --> 00:14:07,125 What about Morocco? 365 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,627 You ever travel there? 366 00:14:08,661 --> 00:14:10,729 [sucks teeth] 367 00:14:12,465 --> 00:14:13,632 No. 368 00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:17,769 What about anywhere else? You been anywhere else? 369 00:14:17,804 --> 00:14:19,104 No. 370 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:24,209 So, first impressions? Anyone? 371 00:14:24,243 --> 00:14:27,479 I kind of want to hear what Chidi thinks. 372 00:14:27,513 --> 00:14:28,814 Well. Um... 373 00:14:28,848 --> 00:14:30,682 I mean, you're both brilliant, 374 00:14:30,717 --> 00:14:33,485 accomplished women... and Pedro, you're great too. 375 00:14:33,519 --> 00:14:34,820 Just amazing people. 376 00:14:34,854 --> 00:14:37,155 I'm surrounded. Ahh! [laughs] 377 00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:40,125 But, if I had to say... 378 00:14:40,159 --> 00:14:43,662 who I sort of immediately bonded to, 379 00:14:43,696 --> 00:14:47,666 on a gut level, I think I would say 380 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:51,703 that I kind of feel like my soul mate is... 381 00:14:51,738 --> 00:14:54,940 - Angél... - Wait, wait! 382 00:14:56,075 --> 00:14:58,176 [panting] There was a mistake in the calculations. 383 00:14:58,211 --> 00:14:59,644 We had a four-hour time gap 384 00:14:59,679 --> 00:15:01,980 in your profiles on May 10, 2003. 385 00:15:02,014 --> 00:15:04,716 I corrected that day's events for all of you, 386 00:15:04,751 --> 00:15:06,718 and ran the numbers again, and... 387 00:15:06,753 --> 00:15:09,521 the final result proves definitively 388 00:15:09,555 --> 00:15:11,857 that Pedro is Angélique's soul mate, 389 00:15:11,891 --> 00:15:15,360 and Chidi, your soul mate is Pevita. 390 00:15:15,395 --> 00:15:16,561 That was close. [laughs] 391 00:15:16,596 --> 00:15:18,430 [groans quietly] 392 00:15:18,464 --> 00:15:20,899 Hey, you guys hadn't made a decision yet, had you? 393 00:15:20,933 --> 00:15:22,567 No! We did not. 394 00:15:22,602 --> 00:15:24,035 No one said anything. I didn't hear anything, 395 00:15:24,070 --> 00:15:25,570 and I certainly didn't say anything. 396 00:15:25,605 --> 00:15:27,272 That's for darn sure. [chuckles] 397 00:15:27,306 --> 00:15:30,375 - [laughs] - [laughs] 398 00:15:30,410 --> 00:15:32,244 [both laughing] 399 00:15:32,278 --> 00:15:35,113 [scattered, fading chuckles] 400 00:15:35,148 --> 00:15:36,615 Okay. 401 00:15:36,649 --> 00:15:38,917 All right. See you later. 402 00:15:38,951 --> 00:15:42,053 [classical music playing] 403 00:15:42,088 --> 00:15:43,455 This is fun. 404 00:15:43,489 --> 00:15:45,557 It's a fun party. There's no question about it, 405 00:15:45,591 --> 00:15:47,793 this is a fun situation. 406 00:15:47,827 --> 00:15:50,929 Hey, you guys are here. The fun continues... 407 00:15:50,963 --> 00:15:52,697 nay, increases! [laughs] 408 00:15:52,732 --> 00:15:54,966 You two look nice. 409 00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:57,836 Thanks! And you look... 410 00:15:58,938 --> 00:16:00,872 [drawing out word] fine. 411 00:16:00,907 --> 00:16:02,974 Would I say you look better than anyone else here? 412 00:16:03,009 --> 00:16:05,644 No, I wouldn't say that. Do you look bad? 413 00:16:05,678 --> 00:16:06,645 No. But good? 414 00:16:06,679 --> 00:16:07,879 Would I go as far 415 00:16:07,914 --> 00:16:09,047 as to say that you look good? 416 00:16:09,081 --> 00:16:10,782 Doubtful. Hey, wine. 417 00:16:10,817 --> 00:16:13,752 Mmm. Do I feel like red or white? 418 00:16:13,786 --> 00:16:15,987 Oh, deep down in your heart of hearts, 419 00:16:16,022 --> 00:16:18,857 you probably already know which one you want. 420 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,761 Why isn't anyone talking? 421 00:16:22,795 --> 00:16:24,095 Janet, could you show me to the bar, please? 422 00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:25,363 Mm-hmm! 423 00:16:30,870 --> 00:16:33,839 Oh, hey! Chidi, right? 424 00:16:33,873 --> 00:16:36,408 Denise. We met earlier, remember? 425 00:16:36,442 --> 00:16:39,478 Oh, yeah, hi. Are you limping? 426 00:16:39,512 --> 00:16:41,746 Yeah, I am. Crazy story. 427 00:16:41,781 --> 00:16:44,816 See, I was a trapeze artist in an illegal circus 428 00:16:44,851 --> 00:16:46,618 - in Bangladesh... - Angélique. 429 00:16:46,652 --> 00:16:48,787 Hey. How are you doing? 430 00:16:48,821 --> 00:16:50,655 Oh, well, uh... [laughs] 431 00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:53,492 You know. My stomach's in knots 432 00:16:53,526 --> 00:16:54,960 and I'm stress-grinding my teeth, 433 00:16:54,994 --> 00:16:57,195 and it feels like my soul is being suffocated. 434 00:16:57,230 --> 00:16:59,431 You know, just your standard paradise stuff. 435 00:16:59,465 --> 00:17:00,866 How about you? 436 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,001 It's been a little uncomfortable. 437 00:17:03,035 --> 00:17:05,704 I think Pedro maybe heard you say... 438 00:17:05,738 --> 00:17:08,206 - that thing you were gonna say. - Oh, no. 439 00:17:08,241 --> 00:17:09,975 I'm so sorry. I... 440 00:17:10,009 --> 00:17:13,478 But I have to ask. Do you feel the way I feel? 441 00:17:13,513 --> 00:17:15,947 - We can't talk about this. - Well, I know, 442 00:17:15,982 --> 00:17:17,949 but if the numbers were that close, 443 00:17:17,984 --> 00:17:19,818 Angélique, I think I'm supposed to... 444 00:17:19,852 --> 00:17:22,120 Stop! Please don't make this harder 445 00:17:22,154 --> 00:17:23,655 than it already is, Chidi. 446 00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:26,892 [bright string music] 447 00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:29,628 These are for you. 448 00:17:29,662 --> 00:17:32,731 Hi. Is your name Chidi? 449 00:17:32,765 --> 00:17:34,332 - Yes? - Ah! 450 00:17:34,367 --> 00:17:36,134 I knew you weren't a soup. 451 00:17:36,168 --> 00:17:38,003 - What? - Listen to me very carefully. 452 00:17:38,037 --> 00:17:41,540 My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. 453 00:17:41,574 --> 00:17:44,009 - We need to talk. - About what? 454 00:17:44,043 --> 00:17:46,678 Just shut your mouth, smile at me, and walk over here. 455 00:17:46,712 --> 00:17:48,880 Okay, you're definitely my least favorite person... 456 00:17:48,915 --> 00:17:51,082 [in pain] I've met so far. 457 00:17:51,117 --> 00:17:53,084 Okay, I'm sorry, this is really not a good time. 458 00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:54,386 I'm right in the middle of something. 459 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,520 Dude, I'm guessing we have 460 00:17:55,555 --> 00:17:56,555 about 30 seconds to talk 461 00:17:56,589 --> 00:17:57,923 before someone notices. 462 00:17:57,957 --> 00:18:00,725 When I got here, some robot lady appeared 463 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,327 out of thin air and gave me this. 464 00:18:02,361 --> 00:18:04,829 - You mean Janet. - Oh, that's it! Janet. 465 00:18:04,864 --> 00:18:06,698 - Hi there. - Not now, Janet. 466 00:18:06,732 --> 00:18:07,866 - Buzz off. - Okay. 467 00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:09,200 - [short beep] - Now, 468 00:18:09,235 --> 00:18:11,002 I have no memory of writing this, 469 00:18:11,037 --> 00:18:12,904 but it is my handwriting. 470 00:18:12,939 --> 00:18:14,539 And that's your name, right? 471 00:18:14,574 --> 00:18:17,042 So, for some reason, at some point, 472 00:18:17,076 --> 00:18:19,578 I put this note into... 473 00:18:19,612 --> 00:18:21,913 that whatever-lady's robot mouth. 474 00:18:21,948 --> 00:18:24,683 - You already forgot her name? - No, I didn't. 475 00:18:24,717 --> 00:18:27,085 Her name is... 476 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:28,620 - Janet. - Hi there. 477 00:18:28,654 --> 00:18:30,221 - [gasps] Fork off! - Okay. 478 00:18:30,256 --> 00:18:31,856 - [short beep] - From the second I got here, 479 00:18:31,891 --> 00:18:33,858 these nerds have been acting real weird, 480 00:18:33,893 --> 00:18:35,226 trying to get me drunk. 481 00:18:35,261 --> 00:18:36,928 My soul mate ditches me every time I try 482 00:18:36,963 --> 00:18:40,298 to talk to him, and this Zen-master guy 483 00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:42,968 gave me this magic bracelet thing, 484 00:18:43,002 --> 00:18:44,769 and then he just ran away. 485 00:18:44,804 --> 00:18:46,905 Something very strange is going on here, 486 00:18:46,939 --> 00:18:48,573 and the only person I trust is me, 487 00:18:48,608 --> 00:18:52,243 and me told me to find you. So... what's the deal? 488 00:18:52,278 --> 00:18:53,578 What's happening? What do you got? 489 00:18:53,613 --> 00:18:54,913 Uh... 490 00:18:54,947 --> 00:18:56,281 I can't... [stammers, laughs] 491 00:18:56,315 --> 00:18:58,617 Look, I'm... I'm sorry, but none of this 492 00:18:58,651 --> 00:19:00,418 means anything to me, 493 00:19:00,453 --> 00:19:01,987 and I've got my own problems to deal with. 494 00:19:02,021 --> 00:19:04,656 I'm sorry, I can't help you. 495 00:19:04,690 --> 00:19:06,057 Attention, everyone! 496 00:19:06,092 --> 00:19:07,759 [glass ringing] 497 00:19:07,793 --> 00:19:09,928 Speech time! 498 00:19:09,962 --> 00:19:11,930 I know you're probably not a magic wizard 499 00:19:11,964 --> 00:19:13,832 trapped in an amulet, but if you are, 500 00:19:13,866 --> 00:19:16,101 please get me out of this speech. 501 00:19:19,155 --> 00:19:20,320 [rushing sound] 502 00:19:22,313 --> 00:19:23,814 [door clicks open] 503 00:19:24,192 --> 00:19:27,687 Tahani. Come on in. 504 00:19:27,704 --> 00:19:29,939 You're in the good place, Tahani. 505 00:19:29,972 --> 00:19:34,342 Ooh, what a surprise! [laughs] 506 00:19:34,377 --> 00:19:36,311 But yes, I accept. 507 00:19:36,345 --> 00:19:39,214 This is your soul mate, Tomás. 508 00:19:39,248 --> 00:19:40,649 Now, Tomás was a doctor 509 00:19:40,683 --> 00:19:42,851 with the International Rescue Alliance, 510 00:19:42,885 --> 00:19:45,654 and you raised money that ultimately funded 511 00:19:45,688 --> 00:19:48,556 his medical missions. It's just so perfect! 512 00:19:48,591 --> 00:19:50,392 - Aww. - It's lovely to meet you, 513 00:19:50,426 --> 00:19:52,193 - Tahani. - Charmed, I'm... 514 00:19:52,228 --> 00:19:54,396 short. 515 00:19:54,430 --> 00:19:55,897 I'm sorry, did I just say "short"? 516 00:19:55,931 --> 00:19:57,632 I-I meant to say "charmed, I'm sure," 517 00:19:57,667 --> 00:20:00,201 of course, because I am charmed to meet you, 518 00:20:00,236 --> 00:20:02,971 it's just an unfortunate Freudian short. [giggles] 519 00:20:05,341 --> 00:20:07,008 Shall we? 520 00:20:08,110 --> 00:20:10,545 So, where did you attend medical short? 521 00:20:10,579 --> 00:20:13,515 So, this is the living room... 522 00:20:13,549 --> 00:20:16,217 as well as the kitchen and the bedroom. 523 00:20:16,252 --> 00:20:18,353 It's so... cozy. [laughs] 524 00:20:18,387 --> 00:20:21,056 I feel like the walls are just hugging me. 525 00:20:21,090 --> 00:20:22,891 - [laughs] - Michael, I don't mean 526 00:20:22,925 --> 00:20:26,227 to be rude, but this is simply absurd. 527 00:20:26,262 --> 00:20:27,595 Yes, thank you. 528 00:20:27,630 --> 00:20:29,264 I didn't want to say anything, but... 529 00:20:29,298 --> 00:20:30,699 There's only two of us, 530 00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:32,567 and we don't need all this space. 531 00:20:32,601 --> 00:20:34,502 - "All this space"? - Oh, of course. 532 00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:37,839 You two humanitarians don't want anything so extravagant. 533 00:20:37,873 --> 00:20:39,274 I'll just get rid of the second floor. 534 00:20:39,308 --> 00:20:41,076 [magical ringing] 535 00:20:41,110 --> 00:20:42,777 Okay, I'll let you two have some alone time. 536 00:20:42,812 --> 00:20:44,746 I will see you at the party. 537 00:20:47,049 --> 00:20:50,185 Well... certainly is quite quaint. 538 00:20:50,219 --> 00:20:51,786 So, it's just... 539 00:20:51,821 --> 00:20:55,256 fun. I daresay even quite charm... 540 00:20:55,291 --> 00:20:56,691 ah, no. 541 00:20:56,726 --> 00:20:58,426 - What's the matter? - Sorry, 542 00:20:58,461 --> 00:21:00,528 it's just a... self-portrait 543 00:21:00,563 --> 00:21:03,865 of my... my sister. Wonderful. 544 00:21:03,899 --> 00:21:06,101 Your sister is Kamilah Al-Jamil? 545 00:21:06,135 --> 00:21:07,936 I used to play her music for my patients. 546 00:21:07,970 --> 00:21:09,637 At times, it felt like Kamilah's songs 547 00:21:09,672 --> 00:21:11,606 were curing the malaria for us. 548 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,375 [chuckling] Great. 549 00:21:14,410 --> 00:21:16,644 Well, I best be getting changed for tonight. 550 00:21:16,679 --> 00:21:18,713 - Mm. - Can hardly wear a day dress 551 00:21:18,748 --> 00:21:20,615 - to an evening event. - Sounds good. 552 00:21:20,649 --> 00:21:23,251 I'm ready whenever you are. 553 00:21:23,285 --> 00:21:26,588 - Is that... what you're wearing? - Oh, yeah. 554 00:21:26,622 --> 00:21:28,123 My years treating remote villagers 555 00:21:28,157 --> 00:21:30,291 taught me to favor comfort over style. 556 00:21:30,326 --> 00:21:32,894 But you should wear whatever you prefer. 557 00:21:32,928 --> 00:21:34,462 Well, I mean... 558 00:21:34,497 --> 00:21:36,765 as we are soul mates, perhaps... 559 00:21:36,799 --> 00:21:40,902 I-I should also... dress down. 560 00:21:40,936 --> 00:21:43,638 [classical music playing] 561 00:21:43,672 --> 00:21:45,807 ♪ 562 00:21:45,841 --> 00:21:47,976 You all right, my dear? 563 00:21:48,010 --> 00:21:50,512 [chuckling] Yes, just not used to 564 00:21:50,546 --> 00:21:52,914 dressing like a plumber-ess. 565 00:21:52,948 --> 00:21:54,415 Is that what you call a female plumber, 566 00:21:54,450 --> 00:21:56,317 or is it a toilet sweep? 567 00:21:56,352 --> 00:21:58,453 Or clog wench? 568 00:21:58,487 --> 00:22:01,489 [laughing sadly] In any case, that's how I'm dressed. 569 00:22:01,524 --> 00:22:05,093 My darling, you are in the Good Place. 570 00:22:05,127 --> 00:22:07,962 Relax. Feel the breeze on your feet. 571 00:22:07,997 --> 00:22:09,764 That's why Crocs have holes in them. 572 00:22:09,799 --> 00:22:11,366 I'll get us a drink. 573 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,334 Lower that beautiful face for me, won't you? 574 00:22:13,369 --> 00:22:15,637 - Lower-lower-lower-lower-lower. - Okay. 575 00:22:15,671 --> 00:22:17,172 Muah! 576 00:22:19,642 --> 00:22:21,209 Tahani? You all right? 577 00:22:21,243 --> 00:22:22,610 Michael, hello! 578 00:22:22,645 --> 00:22:26,047 Yes, I'm having a splendid time. 579 00:22:26,081 --> 00:22:28,516 Although, if I'm being honest, 580 00:22:28,551 --> 00:22:32,487 a few aspects of my day have been... sub-optimal. 581 00:22:32,521 --> 00:22:34,689 Really? Like what? 582 00:22:34,723 --> 00:22:37,458 [sighing] Well, my house is a bit small, 583 00:22:37,493 --> 00:22:40,895 which is fine, it's just not what I'm used to, 584 00:22:40,930 --> 00:22:44,632 and Tomás is lovely, but we haven't really... 585 00:22:44,667 --> 00:22:46,167 "clicked" yet, 586 00:22:46,202 --> 00:22:48,069 to use a mundane colloquialism... 587 00:22:48,103 --> 00:22:51,406 which I suppose I should do, now that I'm wearing... 588 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,074 [voice breaking] Cargo pants. 589 00:22:53,108 --> 00:22:57,679 Tahani, it's very common to experience adjustment pains. 590 00:22:57,713 --> 00:22:59,914 But the system matched you and Tomás, 591 00:22:59,949 --> 00:23:02,350 and the system is never wrong. 592 00:23:02,384 --> 00:23:04,485 But guess what? This is the Good Place. 593 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,222 If you want your house to be larger, then just ask. 594 00:23:07,256 --> 00:23:09,757 Do you want something this big? 595 00:23:09,792 --> 00:23:11,860 Or maybe bigger, like the Taj Mahal. 596 00:23:11,894 --> 00:23:14,028 I know, I know. How about a moon? 597 00:23:14,063 --> 00:23:16,431 Would you like to live on your own private moon? 598 00:23:16,465 --> 00:23:19,567 No, no, no. My house is wonderful. 599 00:23:19,602 --> 00:23:22,403 And really, it's so silly to want a bigger house 600 00:23:22,438 --> 00:23:24,572 of all things, here in paradise. 601 00:23:24,607 --> 00:23:26,441 So no, no changes needed. 602 00:23:26,475 --> 00:23:28,776 Okay, all right. But if you change your mind, 603 00:23:28,811 --> 00:23:31,079 just ask. Because all the other residents 604 00:23:31,113 --> 00:23:33,715 are very happy, so it'll give me plenty of time 605 00:23:33,749 --> 00:23:36,351 to deal with whatever requests you make. 606 00:23:36,385 --> 00:23:38,620 No demand is too... 607 00:23:38,654 --> 00:23:40,288 what's the word? Oh, "frivolous." 608 00:23:40,322 --> 00:23:41,522 Okay? 609 00:23:41,557 --> 00:23:44,092 Wow. That is rough. 610 00:23:47,496 --> 00:23:50,098 Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 611 00:23:50,132 --> 00:23:53,601 [bright string music] 612 00:23:53,636 --> 00:23:56,771 These are for you. Drink up. 613 00:23:56,805 --> 00:23:58,273 Oh... no, no, I... 614 00:23:58,307 --> 00:23:59,540 [laughing] Hey! 615 00:23:59,575 --> 00:24:00,942 Twinsies! 616 00:24:00,976 --> 00:24:02,777 - I'm sorry? - Look! 617 00:24:02,811 --> 00:24:05,780 Cargo-pants buddies! 618 00:24:05,814 --> 00:24:07,949 [chortles] I bet we have a lot in common. 619 00:24:07,983 --> 00:24:12,253 I was a garbage man in Winnipeg. How about you? 620 00:24:12,288 --> 00:24:15,456 Okay... [mouths word] 621 00:24:15,491 --> 00:24:17,091 Crocs also?! 622 00:24:17,126 --> 00:24:20,094 - [glass ringing] - Speech time! 623 00:24:20,129 --> 00:24:21,930 I know you're probably not a magic wizard 624 00:24:21,964 --> 00:24:23,665 trapped in an amulet, but if you are, 625 00:24:23,699 --> 00:24:25,166 please get me out of this speech. 626 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,001 I've asked our top point-getter, here, 627 00:24:27,036 --> 00:24:28,136 to say a few words. 628 00:24:28,170 --> 00:24:30,638 So, take it away, Eleanor! 629 00:24:30,673 --> 00:24:33,608 [applause] 630 00:24:36,946 --> 00:24:39,480 The dictionary defines "best" 631 00:24:39,515 --> 00:24:42,417 - as being... - [slurring] Oh, God, boring! 632 00:24:42,451 --> 00:24:44,452 I'd like to say a few words if nobody minds. 633 00:24:44,486 --> 00:24:46,087 [whispering] Thank you, wizard. 634 00:24:46,121 --> 00:24:49,157 I am Tahani. Tahani am me. 635 00:24:49,191 --> 00:24:52,627 And even though I wasn't the "number one point-getter," 636 00:24:52,661 --> 00:24:55,296 I just wanted to welcome you all to the neighborhood. 637 00:24:55,331 --> 00:24:57,498 You all look so beautiful tonight, 638 00:24:57,533 --> 00:25:00,101 with your regular-sized pockets and... 639 00:25:00,135 --> 00:25:02,170 regular-sized soul mates. 640 00:25:02,204 --> 00:25:04,672 Oh, no offense, darling, wherever you are. 641 00:25:04,707 --> 00:25:06,140 Probably somewhere down there. 642 00:25:06,175 --> 00:25:08,309 Why don't you try to ease her off the stage 643 00:25:08,344 --> 00:25:10,712 - and take over yourself? - The point is, 644 00:25:10,746 --> 00:25:12,513 we're all good people, right? 645 00:25:12,548 --> 00:25:15,783 We all did the right thing whenever we could. 646 00:25:15,818 --> 00:25:18,186 And that's why it's so nice to be here among you, 647 00:25:18,220 --> 00:25:21,222 in this massive house that I want. 648 00:25:21,256 --> 00:25:24,859 I want this house. Give it. [laughs] 649 00:25:24,893 --> 00:25:26,294 No, I'm just kidding. 650 00:25:26,328 --> 00:25:27,662 But really, give me the house. 651 00:25:27,696 --> 00:25:28,963 Hey there, hot stuff. 652 00:25:28,998 --> 00:25:30,465 Can I get you a cup of coffee? 653 00:25:30,499 --> 00:25:32,066 Get your hands off me! 654 00:25:32,101 --> 00:25:33,568 Oh, you think you're better than I am, 655 00:25:33,602 --> 00:25:35,336 don't you, just 'cause you're wearing that. 656 00:25:35,371 --> 00:25:37,638 Look at that terrible placement and angle. 657 00:25:37,673 --> 00:25:39,507 Is this your first time ever wearing a sash? 658 00:25:39,541 --> 00:25:41,509 Yeah, it is, but I think if we all just... 659 00:25:41,543 --> 00:25:43,845 Well... give it to me then! [shouts] 660 00:25:43,879 --> 00:25:47,115 [guests gasping] 661 00:25:48,717 --> 00:25:50,518 I got her off the stage. 662 00:25:52,395 --> 00:25:53,827 [rushing sound] 663 00:25:55,691 --> 00:25:57,792 [door clicks open] 664 00:25:57,827 --> 00:25:59,894 Jianyu? Come on in. 665 00:25:59,929 --> 00:26:01,496 [pleasant music] 666 00:26:01,530 --> 00:26:04,432 Before we start, I know you were a Buddhist monk 667 00:26:04,466 --> 00:26:06,100 who kept a vow of silence. 668 00:26:06,135 --> 00:26:07,302 Would you prefer 669 00:26:07,336 --> 00:26:10,471 to remain silent here as well? 670 00:26:12,675 --> 00:26:14,475 Every resident here in the Good Place 671 00:26:14,510 --> 00:26:15,977 has a soul mate. 672 00:26:16,011 --> 00:26:18,346 Now, some of the pairings are platonic, 673 00:26:18,380 --> 00:26:21,449 some are romantic, but what you have 674 00:26:21,483 --> 00:26:23,518 with your soul mate is unique. 675 00:26:23,552 --> 00:26:26,020 You have a spiritual connection 676 00:26:26,055 --> 00:26:28,990 that transcends the physical realm. 677 00:26:30,626 --> 00:26:33,628 This person's gonna be your best bud. 678 00:26:35,497 --> 00:26:37,065 [chuckles] 679 00:26:38,334 --> 00:26:43,471 Jianyu, let me introduce you to your soul mate, Luang. 680 00:26:43,505 --> 00:26:45,640 He is also a Buddhist monk, 681 00:26:45,674 --> 00:26:47,709 from the Lumbini zone of Nepal. 682 00:26:47,743 --> 00:26:50,712 You and Luang share an identical soul... 683 00:26:50,746 --> 00:26:54,048 like binary stars, orbiting one another 684 00:26:54,083 --> 00:26:56,317 in a perfect, reflective harmony. 685 00:26:56,352 --> 00:26:59,954 You won't ever have a single moment of loneliness, 686 00:26:59,989 --> 00:27:03,892 because you'll always be right next to each other... 687 00:27:03,926 --> 00:27:05,727 for eternity. 688 00:27:05,761 --> 00:27:08,029 Okay, I'm gonna let you two get acquainted. 689 00:27:08,063 --> 00:27:11,032 I'm sure you have a lot to not talk about. 690 00:27:11,066 --> 00:27:13,334 [laughs] Because... 691 00:27:13,369 --> 00:27:15,670 well, you get it, you get it. 692 00:27:18,741 --> 00:27:21,576 [ambling music] 693 00:27:21,610 --> 00:27:28,883 ♪ 694 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:36,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 695 00:27:37,293 --> 00:27:38,326 [sighs] 696 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:45,633 ♪ 697 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,449 [ominous music] 698 00:28:01,483 --> 00:28:03,251 ♪ 699 00:28:03,285 --> 00:28:05,553 Oh... sorry, I didn't see you. 700 00:28:05,587 --> 00:28:08,289 Chidi? Are you Chidi? 701 00:28:08,324 --> 00:28:11,859 [otherworldly ringing music] 702 00:28:11,894 --> 00:28:16,064 - Eleanor? What are you up to? - Oh, hey there, Michael. 703 00:28:16,098 --> 00:28:18,099 Just getting to know everyone in the neighborhood. 704 00:28:18,133 --> 00:28:21,469 - Ah. - Who was that mysterious... 705 00:28:21,503 --> 00:28:23,471 [pleasant music] 706 00:28:23,505 --> 00:28:30,278 ♪ 707 00:28:41,023 --> 00:28:42,924 Hello, you beautiful spirits. 708 00:28:42,958 --> 00:28:45,793 Can I offer you two something to drink? 709 00:28:45,828 --> 00:28:48,463 - Janet! - Hi there. 710 00:28:48,497 --> 00:28:50,999 This is Janet. Now, she can get you 711 00:28:51,033 --> 00:28:54,635 literally anything you want. All you have to do is ask. 712 00:28:54,670 --> 00:28:57,405 Of course, you two won't ever want anything, 713 00:28:57,439 --> 00:29:00,942 because you're perfectly content. 714 00:29:00,976 --> 00:29:02,677 Oh, I know. How about something special? 715 00:29:02,711 --> 00:29:06,080 Janet, two yak's milks, please. 716 00:29:06,115 --> 00:29:07,515 Enjoy. 717 00:29:07,549 --> 00:29:08,950 [short beeping] 718 00:29:11,220 --> 00:29:12,320 [short beep] 719 00:29:12,354 --> 00:29:19,594 ♪ 720 00:29:24,566 --> 00:29:27,335 - [glass ringing] - Speech time! 721 00:29:27,369 --> 00:29:29,637 - If we all just... - Well... give it to me! 722 00:29:29,671 --> 00:29:31,472 [shouts] 723 00:29:31,507 --> 00:29:32,673 [guests gasping] 724 00:29:32,708 --> 00:29:34,509 I got her off the stage. 725 00:29:34,543 --> 00:29:35,843 Tahani? 726 00:29:35,878 --> 00:29:38,212 - Are you all right? - Yes, fine. 727 00:29:38,247 --> 00:29:41,315 Never better. Top of my game, actually. 728 00:29:41,350 --> 00:29:43,951 You'll have to excuse me, 'cause I've got to go, so... 729 00:29:43,986 --> 00:29:47,021 Oh, look! I've got some shrimp. 730 00:29:47,056 --> 00:29:50,525 In one of my many, many cargo-pants pockets. 731 00:29:50,559 --> 00:29:52,026 [sobs] 732 00:29:52,061 --> 00:29:54,762 What the fork is happening? 733 00:29:57,348 --> 00:29:58,647 [rushing sound] 734 00:29:59,825 --> 00:30:01,726 Okay, here we go. 735 00:30:02,013 --> 00:30:04,320 - How's it going, boss-man? - Enough chit-chat. 736 00:30:04,354 --> 00:30:06,322 Is everything in place for version two? 737 00:30:06,356 --> 00:30:08,724 Yup, I've thought of everything. 738 00:30:08,758 --> 00:30:10,359 I won't let you down. 739 00:30:10,393 --> 00:30:12,595 I was just hoping that you could say a few words 740 00:30:12,629 --> 00:30:14,063 at tonight's welcome party. 741 00:30:14,097 --> 00:30:16,198 You know, just to introduce yourself. 742 00:30:16,233 --> 00:30:18,367 How can I say no? [laughs] 743 00:30:18,401 --> 00:30:20,769 So... cozy. 744 00:30:20,804 --> 00:30:23,405 I feel like the walls are just hugging me. 745 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:24,840 [laughs] 746 00:30:24,875 --> 00:30:26,842 How about something special? Janet. 747 00:30:26,877 --> 00:30:29,845 Two yak's milks, please. 748 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:31,413 Why isn't anyone talking? 749 00:30:31,448 --> 00:30:33,048 Janet, could you show me to the bar, please? 750 00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:34,717 Mm-hmm. 751 00:30:36,052 --> 00:30:38,921 Michael, may I please speak with you privately? 752 00:30:38,955 --> 00:30:41,257 Sure, sure. 753 00:30:41,291 --> 00:30:44,960 It just feels like I used to be Real Eleanor, 754 00:30:44,995 --> 00:30:48,697 - and now I'm Denise. - Denise is a good part, 755 00:30:48,732 --> 00:30:51,033 with a... a great backstory. 756 00:30:51,067 --> 00:30:55,938 You run the best pizza place in the neighborhood. 757 00:30:55,972 --> 00:30:59,041 You have a cat, and that's cool. 758 00:30:59,075 --> 00:31:01,911 I took this job because it seemed fun 759 00:31:01,945 --> 00:31:04,246 and different, and in the original version, 760 00:31:04,281 --> 00:31:07,082 I got to break Chidi's heart, like, 20 times, 761 00:31:07,117 --> 00:31:10,653 and it was great. I mean, he was miserable. 762 00:31:10,687 --> 00:31:14,390 And now, Angélique gets to torture him? 763 00:31:14,424 --> 00:31:15,958 Angélique is a hack. 764 00:31:15,992 --> 00:31:17,927 I can act circles around her! 765 00:31:17,961 --> 00:31:19,828 But I have nothing to do! 766 00:31:19,863 --> 00:31:22,164 I am a Ferrari, okay? 767 00:31:22,199 --> 00:31:25,734 And you don't keep a Ferrari in the garage. 768 00:31:25,769 --> 00:31:26,936 I hear your concern. 769 00:31:26,970 --> 00:31:28,737 I do. And I promise you, 770 00:31:28,772 --> 00:31:31,740 there is a great arc coming for Denise the pizza lady 771 00:31:31,775 --> 00:31:33,742 - in about 80 years or so. - [sighs] 772 00:31:33,777 --> 00:31:37,079 Chidi is going to accidentally kill your cat. 773 00:31:37,113 --> 00:31:39,848 It's gonna give you a great chance to shine. 774 00:31:39,883 --> 00:31:43,919 Can I just have something that makes me stand out? 775 00:31:43,954 --> 00:31:46,622 A mysterious past, or... a limp! 776 00:31:46,656 --> 00:31:47,957 - I want a limp. - This is supposed to 777 00:31:47,991 --> 00:31:51,293 be the Good Place. Why would... 778 00:31:51,328 --> 00:31:52,428 Okay, I... no, I hear you. 779 00:31:52,462 --> 00:31:53,796 I'll tell you what. 780 00:31:53,830 --> 00:31:56,765 Go nuts, all right? Limp your heart out. 781 00:31:57,968 --> 00:32:00,970 Oh, hey! Chidi, right? 782 00:32:01,004 --> 00:32:03,639 Hi. Are you limping? 783 00:32:05,075 --> 00:32:06,675 - How's it going? - [sighs] 784 00:32:06,710 --> 00:32:08,043 We're having some trouble with Eleanor. 785 00:32:08,078 --> 00:32:09,845 She's not engaging in conversation, 786 00:32:09,879 --> 00:32:13,182 - she's not drinking. - Eleanor's not drinking? 787 00:32:13,216 --> 00:32:17,019 She brought a flask in the car during her driver's test! 788 00:32:17,053 --> 00:32:19,655 Okay, we need to keep things moving here. 789 00:32:19,689 --> 00:32:21,957 I'm about to make her talk for an hour. 790 00:32:21,992 --> 00:32:24,360 She'll definitely end up insulting somebody. 791 00:32:24,394 --> 00:32:25,527 [glass ringing] 792 00:32:25,562 --> 00:32:26,862 Speech time! 793 00:32:26,896 --> 00:32:28,797 We're all good people, right? 794 00:32:28,832 --> 00:32:32,001 We all did the right thing whenever we could. 795 00:32:32,035 --> 00:32:34,203 - If we all just... - Well... give it to me! 796 00:32:34,237 --> 00:32:35,571 [shouts] 797 00:32:35,605 --> 00:32:37,139 [guests gasping] 798 00:32:37,173 --> 00:32:39,675 Tahani? Are you all right? 799 00:32:39,709 --> 00:32:41,977 Yes, fine. Never better. 800 00:32:42,012 --> 00:32:43,646 You'll have to excuse me, 'cause I've got to go. 801 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:46,148 [mumbling discreetly] 802 00:32:46,182 --> 00:32:48,851 - What the fork, man? - I know that book. 803 00:32:48,885 --> 00:32:51,020 Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? 804 00:32:51,054 --> 00:32:52,721 Because it's only kind of working. 805 00:32:52,756 --> 00:32:55,658 No... the note you showed me before. 806 00:32:55,692 --> 00:32:57,993 All right, this is from a book called 807 00:32:58,028 --> 00:32:59,728 "What We Owe to Each Other." I used to teach it. 808 00:32:59,763 --> 00:33:01,730 I was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy. 809 00:33:01,765 --> 00:33:03,766 - All right, brag much? - No, I'm trying to help you. 810 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,335 - Sorry. Okay. - I have never seen you before 811 00:33:06,369 --> 00:33:09,071 in my life, but I think... 812 00:33:09,105 --> 00:33:11,840 somehow, that we know each other. 813 00:33:11,875 --> 00:33:14,076 [soft music] 814 00:33:14,110 --> 00:33:16,178 That definitely sounded like a pick-up line. 815 00:33:16,212 --> 00:33:17,913 - [sighs] - And I'm not not interested, 816 00:33:17,947 --> 00:33:19,915 but we need to figure this out first. 817 00:33:19,949 --> 00:33:22,418 - [groans softly] - It's not that bad, right? 818 00:33:22,452 --> 00:33:24,453 I mean, we got a drunken speech. 819 00:33:24,487 --> 00:33:25,621 That's good. 820 00:33:25,655 --> 00:33:28,357 No. It isn't. 821 00:33:28,391 --> 00:33:31,460 Tahani gave the drunken speech instead of Eleanor. 822 00:33:31,494 --> 00:33:34,430 We can't build a chaos sequence out of Tahani's speech, 823 00:33:34,464 --> 00:33:38,467 because she thinks she belongs here... 824 00:33:38,501 --> 00:33:39,868 ding-dong. 825 00:33:39,903 --> 00:33:42,137 Okay, we can still salvage this. 826 00:33:42,172 --> 00:33:44,606 - Where's Eleanor? - She's gone. 827 00:33:44,641 --> 00:33:47,876 - I can't find her anywhere. - Maybe she left with Chidi? 828 00:33:47,911 --> 00:33:49,645 - He's gone too. - What? 829 00:33:49,679 --> 00:33:52,047 Or maybe she left with Jason. 830 00:33:52,082 --> 00:33:55,150 You lost Jason? How is that even possible? 831 00:33:55,185 --> 00:33:58,887 You're only job is to stand next to that idiot. 832 00:33:58,922 --> 00:34:00,889 I got distracted by the fire! 833 00:34:00,924 --> 00:34:02,491 I love fire. 834 00:34:02,525 --> 00:34:05,894 You know, my main job is to burn people with fire. 835 00:34:05,929 --> 00:34:07,563 - What's up, guys? - What are you doing here? 836 00:34:07,597 --> 00:34:09,064 - Why aren't you with Eleanor? - Oh, I told her 837 00:34:09,099 --> 00:34:10,966 I was going to the gym again. 838 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:14,269 Why would you say that in the middle of a party? 839 00:34:14,304 --> 00:34:15,938 - You told me too. - No, I didn't. 840 00:34:15,972 --> 00:34:17,473 You said that if Eleanor tries to confess 841 00:34:17,507 --> 00:34:18,640 that she doesn't belong here, 842 00:34:18,675 --> 00:34:20,075 find a reason to avoid her, 843 00:34:20,110 --> 00:34:21,443 like saying, "I'm going to the gym," 844 00:34:21,478 --> 00:34:22,578 so that's what I've been saying. 845 00:34:22,612 --> 00:34:24,079 That was a suggestion 846 00:34:24,114 --> 00:34:26,115 of the type of thing you could say! 847 00:34:26,149 --> 00:34:28,083 Don't... 848 00:34:28,118 --> 00:34:31,420 How many times have you specifically told her 849 00:34:31,454 --> 00:34:33,288 you were going to the gym? 850 00:34:33,323 --> 00:34:34,990 Five. 851 00:34:35,024 --> 00:34:37,760 - No, nine. - You dimwit! 852 00:34:37,794 --> 00:34:40,095 Hey, man! I was perfectly happy 853 00:34:40,130 --> 00:34:42,197 in my old job in the twisting department. 854 00:34:42,232 --> 00:34:44,266 People came in, and I twist them 855 00:34:44,300 --> 00:34:47,102 until they snapped in half, and I move on to the next one. 856 00:34:47,137 --> 00:34:49,605 But this job... is weird! 857 00:34:49,639 --> 00:34:51,940 It's all talk, no twisting. 858 00:34:51,975 --> 00:34:53,275 So if you don't like the way I do it, 859 00:34:53,309 --> 00:34:55,677 get somebody else. I'm going to the gym! 860 00:34:55,712 --> 00:34:56,945 Fine. Yeah, you do that. 861 00:34:56,980 --> 00:34:58,280 You go to the gym. 862 00:34:58,314 --> 00:34:59,882 Okay, we can still pull this off, 863 00:34:59,916 --> 00:35:01,817 we just need to find the four humans. 864 00:35:01,851 --> 00:35:03,986 Okay? Okay. 865 00:35:04,020 --> 00:35:06,155 [chuckles] Right now. 866 00:35:07,390 --> 00:35:13,495 Everyone in this room, find those four humans! 867 00:35:15,432 --> 00:35:17,466 Are you gonna talk, or just walk around 868 00:35:17,500 --> 00:35:20,068 like a nerd trying to get a personal best on his Fitbit? 869 00:35:20,103 --> 00:35:22,070 I'm sorry, I'm trying to process 870 00:35:22,105 --> 00:35:25,007 a tremendous amount of insane information. 871 00:35:25,041 --> 00:35:27,009 I mean, you're not supposed to be here, 872 00:35:27,043 --> 00:35:30,078 but you and I clearly met here, somehow, 873 00:35:30,113 --> 00:35:31,713 before now. I mean... 874 00:35:31,748 --> 00:35:33,682 does that mean that I'm not supposed to be here? 875 00:35:33,716 --> 00:35:34,850 I don't know, dude. 876 00:35:34,884 --> 00:35:36,418 Were you a good person on earth? 877 00:35:36,453 --> 00:35:38,320 I... I think so. I spent my life in pursuit 878 00:35:38,354 --> 00:35:39,822 of fundamental truths about the uni... 879 00:35:39,856 --> 00:35:42,491 [gasps] Oh, no! 880 00:35:42,525 --> 00:35:45,093 I used almond milk in my coffee, even though I knew about 881 00:35:45,128 --> 00:35:47,095 the negative environmental impact. 882 00:35:47,130 --> 00:35:49,431 - What? - Eleanor, what do we do? 883 00:35:49,466 --> 00:35:50,833 I don't know, dude! 884 00:35:50,867 --> 00:35:52,668 But we better figure it out soon, 885 00:35:52,702 --> 00:35:54,336 or we're doomed. 886 00:35:54,935 --> 00:35:57,836 [sneaky music] 887 00:35:57,871 --> 00:36:00,572 ♪ 888 00:36:01,501 --> 00:36:03,068 - Uh, Janet? - [short beep] 889 00:36:03,102 --> 00:36:05,604 - Hi there, Jianyu. - Hi, Janet! 890 00:36:05,712 --> 00:36:07,680 Um, can I tell you something? 891 00:36:07,714 --> 00:36:10,649 - Sure. - I'm not Jianyu. 892 00:36:10,684 --> 00:36:12,985 And I'm not a silent monk. 893 00:36:13,019 --> 00:36:15,855 My real name is Jason. And I don't know what's going on. 894 00:36:15,889 --> 00:36:17,723 I got here and Michael said I'm a monk, 895 00:36:17,757 --> 00:36:19,892 and he told me I was gonna have a new best friend, 896 00:36:19,926 --> 00:36:22,261 and that we were gonna live in a yogurt. 897 00:36:22,295 --> 00:36:24,663 - A yurt. - Oh, yeah, "yurt" for short. 898 00:36:24,698 --> 00:36:26,532 I was psyched to meet my new best friend, 899 00:36:26,566 --> 00:36:29,502 but he turned out to be this weird silent guy 900 00:36:29,536 --> 00:36:31,570 that won't leave me alone. 901 00:36:31,605 --> 00:36:35,040 I don't wanna go back to my yogurt. 902 00:36:35,075 --> 00:36:38,444 - Can I go to your house? - I don't have a house, Jason. 903 00:36:38,478 --> 00:36:40,913 I live in a boundless void. 904 00:36:40,947 --> 00:36:43,048 - Can I go there? - No. 905 00:36:43,083 --> 00:36:45,718 It's a boundless void. 906 00:36:45,752 --> 00:36:48,387 - Okay. - So, what you're saying is, 907 00:36:48,421 --> 00:36:50,556 there are certain aspects of your existence 908 00:36:50,590 --> 00:36:53,392 here in the Good Place that are confusing for you, 909 00:36:53,426 --> 00:36:56,028 and you're searching for someplace to go 910 00:36:56,062 --> 00:36:58,397 where you feel less lonely. 911 00:36:58,431 --> 00:37:00,266 I know somewhere you could go. 912 00:37:03,737 --> 00:37:07,072 - Why did you do that? - Because you were nice to me. 913 00:37:07,107 --> 00:37:09,608 - You're my friend. - Okay! 914 00:37:11,978 --> 00:37:14,146 Okay! 915 00:37:14,181 --> 00:37:15,748 Okay, so, if we got all the way 916 00:37:15,782 --> 00:37:18,584 to Scanlon, we must have been studying very intensely 917 00:37:18,618 --> 00:37:22,154 for a very long time. Or, you grabbed a random book 918 00:37:22,189 --> 00:37:23,789 of mine and just tore a page out. 919 00:37:23,823 --> 00:37:25,157 I'm gonna be honest, that sounds more like me. 920 00:37:25,192 --> 00:37:26,458 [knocking at door] 921 00:37:26,493 --> 00:37:29,228 Ah! Eleanor and Chidi. 922 00:37:29,262 --> 00:37:30,429 What a pleasant surprise. 923 00:37:30,463 --> 00:37:32,431 I'm so happy you two have met. 924 00:37:32,465 --> 00:37:34,266 I'm just going door-to-door, apologizing 925 00:37:34,301 --> 00:37:36,068 for the commotion earlier tonight. 926 00:37:36,102 --> 00:37:37,636 - Ah. - The first night 927 00:37:37,671 --> 00:37:40,773 in the afterlife can be a little overwhelming. 928 00:37:40,807 --> 00:37:43,309 Don't worry about us, Michael. We are doing just fine. 929 00:37:43,343 --> 00:37:45,110 Oh, good, good. Glad to hear that. 930 00:37:45,145 --> 00:37:46,779 Well, it's getting late. 931 00:37:46,813 --> 00:37:49,615 Chidi, allow me to escort you back to your house. 932 00:37:49,649 --> 00:37:51,817 - Um... - Uh, hello, all. 933 00:37:51,851 --> 00:37:53,519 Sorry for the late hour, Eleanor. 934 00:37:53,553 --> 00:37:54,620 I wanted to stop by 935 00:37:54,654 --> 00:37:56,188 and give you back your sash. 936 00:37:56,223 --> 00:37:57,656 That's okay. You can just keep it. 937 00:37:57,691 --> 00:37:59,358 No! I don't deserve it. 938 00:37:59,392 --> 00:38:01,293 I made a complete fool of myself tonight. 939 00:38:01,328 --> 00:38:04,830 I interrupted your big speech, badly stained my cargo pants, 940 00:38:04,864 --> 00:38:07,633 which, I have to admit, are quite comfortable. 941 00:38:07,667 --> 00:38:09,868 Oh, God, what's happened to me? 942 00:38:09,903 --> 00:38:12,004 I'm praising off-the-rack separates! 943 00:38:12,038 --> 00:38:13,472 Tahani, please. It's late. 944 00:38:13,506 --> 00:38:14,640 - I think what we should do... - No. 945 00:38:14,674 --> 00:38:16,041 Look, ever since I got here 946 00:38:16,076 --> 00:38:18,143 it feels like something's been off. 947 00:38:18,178 --> 00:38:20,312 Tahani. There you are. 948 00:38:20,347 --> 00:38:22,147 I've been worried sick about you. 949 00:38:22,182 --> 00:38:23,816 That's her soul mate? 950 00:38:23,850 --> 00:38:26,785 Is there a second one of him that stands on his shoulders? 951 00:38:26,820 --> 00:38:28,320 Chidi! There you are. 952 00:38:28,355 --> 00:38:30,155 I've been worried sick about you. 953 00:38:30,190 --> 00:38:31,724 Okay... all right, everybody. 954 00:38:31,758 --> 00:38:34,226 Now we are really imposing on Eleanor here. 955 00:38:34,261 --> 00:38:35,661 Chidi, let's everybody take off... 956 00:38:35,695 --> 00:38:37,730 Hi, Eleanor. This person would like 957 00:38:37,764 --> 00:38:39,999 to speak with you... privately. 958 00:38:40,033 --> 00:38:41,467 About something. 959 00:38:41,501 --> 00:38:42,735 Oh, really? 960 00:38:42,769 --> 00:38:44,703 - Yup. Bye! - [short beep] 961 00:38:44,738 --> 00:38:46,038 [whispering] This is the wise monk 962 00:38:46,072 --> 00:38:47,306 who gave me the magic amulet. 963 00:38:47,340 --> 00:38:48,674 I gotta figure out what it means. 964 00:38:48,708 --> 00:38:50,209 Could be the key to this entire mystery. 965 00:38:50,243 --> 00:38:51,844 Luang, perfect. 966 00:38:51,878 --> 00:38:54,747 Why don't you take Jianyu back to your yurt, 967 00:38:54,781 --> 00:38:57,549 - right away. - Homey, no! 968 00:38:57,584 --> 00:39:00,586 I'm not spending another second with this loser. 969 00:39:00,620 --> 00:39:02,187 You said he was gonna be my best friend, 970 00:39:02,222 --> 00:39:03,522 but he is not. 971 00:39:03,556 --> 00:39:05,190 My best friend from Jacksonville 972 00:39:05,225 --> 00:39:07,860 was named Pillboi, and he was dope! 973 00:39:07,894 --> 00:39:09,695 We would talk together, get high together, 974 00:39:09,729 --> 00:39:12,031 throw old batteries at drones together. 975 00:39:12,065 --> 00:39:14,667 But this guy can't hold a camel to Pillboi. 976 00:39:14,701 --> 00:39:17,036 Okay, I no longer think he's a wise monk, 977 00:39:17,070 --> 00:39:19,071 and I'm pretty sure this is just a piece of garbage. 978 00:39:19,105 --> 00:39:20,706 Babe, there you are. I've been worried... 979 00:39:20,740 --> 00:39:22,441 Let me stop you. Can I guess? 980 00:39:22,475 --> 00:39:24,910 You've been worried sick about me. 981 00:39:25,979 --> 00:39:28,580 I'm headed to the gym. 982 00:39:28,615 --> 00:39:30,382 Sure, why not? 983 00:39:30,417 --> 00:39:33,786 - I'm quite confused. - Let me explain, gorgeous. 984 00:39:33,820 --> 00:39:35,521 I don't know what this place is, 985 00:39:35,555 --> 00:39:37,623 but it is certainly not the Good Place. 986 00:39:37,657 --> 00:39:40,292 Michael is forking with us. 987 00:39:40,327 --> 00:39:43,228 - Like a prank show. - Yeah, like a prank show. 988 00:39:43,263 --> 00:39:44,763 Except according to this note, 989 00:39:44,798 --> 00:39:47,700 it's a prank show we've all been on before. 990 00:39:47,734 --> 00:39:49,635 - What note? - Apparently, I wrote myself 991 00:39:49,669 --> 00:39:52,204 a note, and stuck it in that Jackie lady's mouth. 992 00:39:52,238 --> 00:39:53,572 Janet. Her name is Janet. 993 00:39:53,606 --> 00:39:54,873 - Oh, right, Janet. - Hi there. 994 00:39:54,908 --> 00:39:56,241 - Hi Janet! - Hi Jason. 995 00:39:56,276 --> 00:39:59,378 [cackling] 996 00:39:59,412 --> 00:40:01,714 Are you kidding me? 997 00:40:01,748 --> 00:40:04,116 Eleanor Shellstrop, 998 00:40:04,150 --> 00:40:07,386 you sneaky little so-and-so. 999 00:40:07,420 --> 00:40:09,655 That was some very quick thinking. 1000 00:40:09,689 --> 00:40:11,724 I'm extremely impressed. 1001 00:40:11,758 --> 00:40:15,327 And to be honest... I'm relieved. 1002 00:40:15,362 --> 00:40:16,929 At least there's an explanation 1003 00:40:16,963 --> 00:40:19,465 for why this all went south so fast. 1004 00:40:19,499 --> 00:40:21,956 But you're not gonna be so lucky next time. 1005 00:40:21,981 --> 00:40:23,151 - Next time? - What? 1006 00:40:23,176 --> 00:40:25,738 - Yeah. [laughs] - He's gonna do it again! 1007 00:40:25,772 --> 00:40:27,940 That's not gonna work this time... 1008 00:40:27,974 --> 00:40:29,842 - dummy. - Okay, excuse me. 1009 00:40:29,876 --> 00:40:31,343 I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable. 1010 00:40:31,378 --> 00:40:32,978 I demand to speak to your superior. 1011 00:40:33,012 --> 00:40:35,781 I am so sorry, madam. Please forgive me. 1012 00:40:36,977 --> 00:40:39,398 Well, as humans like to say, 1013 00:40:39,453 --> 00:40:41,038 third time's the charm, right? 1014 00:40:41,063 --> 00:40:42,864 [employees grumbling] 1015 00:40:42,899 --> 00:40:46,172 I take full responsibility for the false start. 1016 00:40:46,235 --> 00:40:50,172 But I assure you all, there is no note this time. 1017 00:40:50,206 --> 00:40:52,073 I'll prove it to you. Janet! 1018 00:40:52,108 --> 00:40:53,675 - [short beep] - Hi there. 1019 00:40:53,709 --> 00:40:56,878 Hi, Janet. Open your mouth please. 1020 00:40:56,913 --> 00:40:57,913 Thank you. 1021 00:40:57,947 --> 00:41:00,715 [skin squelching] 1022 00:41:00,750 --> 00:41:03,885 See, no notes. No clues or loopholes... 1023 00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,521 nothing in there! 1024 00:41:06,556 --> 00:41:08,990 Thank you, Janet. So, let's all just pretend 1025 00:41:09,025 --> 00:41:10,725 the last attempt never even happened. 1026 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,394 - Questions. - Maybe it's none 1027 00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:14,229 of our business, but did you tell Shawn 1028 00:41:14,263 --> 00:41:16,231 - what happened? - Yes, I did. 1029 00:41:16,265 --> 00:41:18,667 And he completely understood. 1030 00:41:18,701 --> 00:41:20,068 [chuckling] As a matter of fact, 1031 00:41:20,102 --> 00:41:21,703 he found the whole thing kind of funny. 1032 00:41:21,737 --> 00:41:23,205 But he was very supportive, 1033 00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:24,706 and he says he's very excited 1034 00:41:24,740 --> 00:41:26,408 for us to get going again. 1035 00:41:26,442 --> 00:41:28,343 So, anyone else? 1036 00:41:28,377 --> 00:41:29,744 Anybody? 1037 00:41:29,779 --> 00:41:31,746 No? Then let's get out there 1038 00:41:31,781 --> 00:41:33,481 and make some miseries! 1039 00:41:36,619 --> 00:41:38,920 Testing, one, two, three... 1040 00:41:38,955 --> 00:41:40,121 [digital beeping] 1041 00:41:41,290 --> 00:41:43,959 - Hey there, boss-man. - You were supposed to call me 1042 00:41:43,993 --> 00:41:46,094 - this morning, give me an update. - Oh. 1043 00:41:46,128 --> 00:41:47,929 [laughs] Right, sorry. 1044 00:41:47,964 --> 00:41:49,764 Yeah, it's just the... 1045 00:41:49,799 --> 00:41:52,400 the chaos sequence was going so well... 1046 00:41:52,435 --> 00:41:54,870 better than the first time, in my opinion. 1047 00:41:54,904 --> 00:41:57,739 Eleanor got completely drunk last night. 1048 00:41:57,773 --> 00:41:59,541 She talked for, like, an hour. 1049 00:41:59,575 --> 00:42:02,377 You know, even flashed somebody, so we had a lot to work with. 1050 00:42:02,411 --> 00:42:04,145 So, attempt number two is on track so far? 1051 00:42:04,180 --> 00:42:06,281 Oh, smooth as silk. Everything's great. 1052 00:42:06,315 --> 00:42:08,583 - [tortured screaming] - Oh! 1053 00:42:08,618 --> 00:42:10,638 Sounds like everything's going well back there too. 1054 00:42:10,662 --> 00:42:12,330 We're trying out the new butthole spiders. 1055 00:42:12,364 --> 00:42:14,065 - Ah! - They're enormous. 1056 00:42:14,099 --> 00:42:15,666 You know, good old-fashioned torture... 1057 00:42:15,701 --> 00:42:17,201 the way it's supposed to be. 1058 00:42:17,235 --> 00:42:19,471 Good luck with attempt number two. 1059 00:42:19,496 --> 00:42:20,571 And remember, 1060 00:42:20,596 --> 00:42:22,740 there will be no attempt number three. 1061 00:42:22,774 --> 00:42:24,041 [digital beeping] 1062 00:42:24,076 --> 00:42:25,309 [tense string music] 1063 00:42:26,392 --> 00:42:28,926 Eleanor. Come on in. 1064 00:42:29,167 --> 00:42:34,167 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 1064 00:42:35,305 --> 00:43:35,277 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today