1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:18,559 --> 00:00:20,200 Episode 3: Thorpe Park 3 00:00:20,746 --> 00:00:23,240 So, I'm halfway through my first term in a new school. 4 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,532 - Nice badge, dickhead. - And it could've been worse. 5 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:29,684 - I will get you. - I still have all my limbs. Just. 6 00:00:30,213 --> 00:00:31,559 I've met loads of new people. 7 00:00:33,140 --> 00:00:35,719 And best of all, no-one's tried to fuck my mum yet. 8 00:00:35,881 --> 00:00:37,719 - She's fit. - She is fit. 9 00:00:37,881 --> 00:00:39,279 Don't have a wank over my mum. 10 00:00:39,441 --> 00:00:41,575 And unlike my old school, there were girls here. 11 00:00:41,695 --> 00:00:43,838 And if there's one thing I now know about girls, 12 00:00:43,958 --> 00:00:46,541 and let's face it, there is only one thing I now know about girls, 13 00:00:46,661 --> 00:00:50,310 it's that boys who drive are more attractive than those who don't. 14 00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:52,897 - Careful... - As he was the oldest, 15 00:00:53,017 --> 00:00:55,320 our chances of getting a car to impress the ladies 16 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,253 rested on Simon's shoulders. 17 00:00:57,373 --> 00:00:58,700 Gently does it. 18 00:00:58,820 --> 00:01:01,132 And his stupid, uncoordinated size 10 feet. 19 00:01:01,252 --> 00:01:02,086 Careful. 20 00:01:02,802 --> 00:01:04,199 Little bit more... 21 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,239 I'm just not great at parallel parking. 22 00:01:08,015 --> 00:01:08,879 Bollocks! 23 00:01:10,927 --> 00:01:11,702 Shut up! 24 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,679 Si, it's me nan. She wants to know if you want some help parking. 25 00:01:14,989 --> 00:01:17,159 Steady on, boys. It's not easy for Simon. 26 00:01:17,501 --> 00:01:18,951 OK, let's try again. 27 00:01:23,881 --> 00:01:25,000 Oh, shit! 28 00:01:27,646 --> 00:01:30,000 OK. Off we go, Simon. Into first. 29 00:01:30,346 --> 00:01:32,520 - Shouldn't you leave a note? - No, we're driving off. 30 00:01:32,972 --> 00:01:34,726 Quickly now. Drive! 31 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,440 Drive! 32 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,359 So it looked like it might be quite some time 33 00:01:42,521 --> 00:01:44,359 before we were picking up girls in a car. 34 00:01:48,716 --> 00:01:52,168 Jay, I have just had the best lesson ever. 35 00:01:52,661 --> 00:01:55,039 Jack Stephens dropped his ruler next to Miss Timms 36 00:01:55,201 --> 00:01:58,359 and when she bent over to pick it up, I saw loads of leg on the way down 37 00:01:58,521 --> 00:02:01,151 - and a bit of tit on the way up. - You lucky git. 38 00:02:01,271 --> 00:02:04,679 Oh yeah, and it's all locked away up here in the visual wank bank. 39 00:02:05,014 --> 00:02:06,738 I thought you'd passed your written test? 40 00:02:06,858 --> 00:02:09,792 I did. I've got the practical tomorrow. I thought this might give me a few tips. 41 00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:12,959 I don't think there is a section on how not to be a whining little bitch. 42 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,450 - Brilliant. - If you pass, 43 00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:16,388 - we could go on a road trip. - Could do. 44 00:02:16,508 --> 00:02:18,890 Maybe we could see what Carli's doing and go somewhere with her? 45 00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:20,865 A car is like a mobile pulling machine. 46 00:02:20,985 --> 00:02:23,658 Forget about Carli, forget about all the girls at this school. 47 00:02:23,778 --> 00:02:26,018 There's a whole world of pussy out there. 48 00:02:26,138 --> 00:02:28,639 He's right. Although he expressed it like a terrible misogynist. 49 00:02:28,759 --> 00:02:30,701 - Thank you. - Why don't you come to Thorpe Park? 50 00:02:30,843 --> 00:02:34,800 - There's always loads of birds there. - Oh, my God, yes! Thorpe Park! 51 00:02:34,961 --> 00:02:36,330 I can get you free tickets. 52 00:02:36,450 --> 00:02:38,083 - How? - I work there. 53 00:02:38,203 --> 00:02:39,783 - Mopping up sick? - Some sick. 54 00:02:39,903 --> 00:02:42,160 How come you never mentioned you work at Thorpe Park before? 55 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,187 I worked at ASDA and you never asked about that. 56 00:02:44,307 --> 00:02:46,440 - Your old man needs the money? - He doesn't, actually. 57 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,240 But paying for rent boys can't be cheap. 58 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,470 - My dad's not bent! - Why's he paying for rent boys? 59 00:02:50,590 --> 00:02:52,450 - He's not! - What, they give him freebies?! 60 00:02:52,570 --> 00:02:55,656 I think we should lay off Neil a bit. Is it right, Neil, that Thorpe Park 61 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,655 has one of only two pulley-launched coasters outside North America? 62 00:02:58,775 --> 00:03:00,515 - I don't know. - It is right. 63 00:03:00,635 --> 00:03:03,683 - I don't know if my dad'll let me go. - What's it got to do with your dad? 64 00:03:03,803 --> 00:03:06,439 He's paying for my car. He might not let me do long journeys yet. 65 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,794 Surely he'll want you to get sucked off by a little lovely 66 00:03:08,914 --> 00:03:12,424 - on the teacup ride? - Are there really loads of girls there? 67 00:03:12,544 --> 00:03:14,534 Sometimes on the rides, their boobs pop out. 68 00:03:14,654 --> 00:03:17,282 You only get a split second of tit, cos they're going at about 70mph, 69 00:03:17,402 --> 00:03:19,725 - but it's still good, though. - This is perfect. 70 00:03:19,845 --> 00:03:22,599 Simon passes his test, drives us to Thorpe Park, 71 00:03:22,761 --> 00:03:24,913 Neil gets us freebies, and I get to ride... 72 00:03:25,033 --> 00:03:27,399 - A man's cock in the bushes. - The Nemesis Inferno. 73 00:03:27,813 --> 00:03:30,679 - This is gonna be awesome. - If I pass my test. 74 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,046 Roller coasters and tits, this is gonna be brilliant. 75 00:03:35,166 --> 00:03:36,725 If I pass my test! 76 00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:38,309 Despite our excitement, 77 00:03:38,429 --> 00:03:41,509 we knew it would take a miracle for Simon to pass his test. 78 00:03:41,629 --> 00:03:44,379 But miracles often come in unlikely packages. 79 00:03:45,812 --> 00:03:46,869 Hello, Simon. 80 00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:50,600 I'm Tracy, your examiner for today's test. 81 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,079 Don't look so nervous, I'm not gonna eat you. 82 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:58,119 So, how are you feeling? Ready to be... examined? 83 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:02,244 - I'm a bit nervous. - It's perfectly natural, sweetheart. 84 00:04:02,585 --> 00:04:05,485 We just need to loosen you up. 85 00:04:06,178 --> 00:04:07,613 Ease into it. 86 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,816 Now, the first part of the test is a doddle. 87 00:04:11,215 --> 00:04:15,039 All you've got to do is sing out the registration plate of that blue car. 88 00:04:15,572 --> 00:04:16,652 OK. It's... 89 00:04:17,873 --> 00:04:21,689 It's, um, E-O-S... 90 00:04:21,809 --> 00:04:24,160 No, 5-1 91 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,168 C-U 92 00:04:27,436 --> 00:04:28,145 Z 93 00:04:29,296 --> 00:04:33,146 - Shit, it's a V not a U, isn't it? - Well, technically yes, but... 94 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,407 You get a pass on that one for having such pretty eyes. 95 00:04:38,181 --> 00:04:40,354 Right, to the Batmobile, Robin. 96 00:04:40,811 --> 00:04:43,061 - Sorry? - Off you pop to your car. 97 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:46,788 Nice. 98 00:04:54,874 --> 00:04:57,692 Why don't you just let me help you with that? 99 00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:05,470 So, Simon, have you got a girlfriend? 100 00:05:05,590 --> 00:05:07,287 - Is this part of the test? - No, 101 00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,640 but I will fail you if you say yes. 102 00:05:10,547 --> 00:05:13,679 Right, just slip it into first and pull out of the centre slowly. 103 00:05:15,105 --> 00:05:16,640 Shit! I stalled it. 104 00:05:17,262 --> 00:05:20,560 False start. Just relax. Try again. 105 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:27,720 - Oh, you're shaking. - I've failed, haven't I? 106 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,279 Shush, shush, silly. No-one's gonna fail here. 107 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,599 Right, I'm not sure that's helping with the nerves, actually. 108 00:05:34,773 --> 00:05:36,879 Simon, if you don't want my help, you've only to say. 109 00:05:37,210 --> 00:05:40,359 But trust me, I know how difficult this test can be. 110 00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,244 Good boy. 111 00:05:52,364 --> 00:05:54,773 You steer, and I'll do the pedals. 112 00:05:55,009 --> 00:05:56,571 That's the tricky bit. 113 00:06:00,034 --> 00:06:03,526 Simon never did tell us what happened on his driving test. 114 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:23,737 I passed! 115 00:06:24,364 --> 00:06:26,337 I passed! First time! 116 00:06:26,583 --> 00:06:28,388 So you owe me that, you little shit. 117 00:06:28,508 --> 00:06:30,822 - I didn't shake on it. - A bet's a bet! Unlucky! 118 00:06:30,942 --> 00:06:33,467 Well done, Simon. We knew you'd pass. 119 00:06:34,047 --> 00:06:36,282 Your dad's just bringing round your new car. 120 00:06:36,402 --> 00:06:38,679 - God, Mum, this is brilliant! - That is not fair. 121 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,740 - You're not allowed to touch it. - Well, we're very proud of you. 122 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,401 It's a Fiat or something, but he says it is second-hand. 123 00:06:44,521 --> 00:06:47,407 God, Mum, that doesn't matter. This is so cool! 124 00:06:55,029 --> 00:06:57,479 That is the gayest car I've ever seen. 125 00:06:58,481 --> 00:06:59,549 Oh, no... 126 00:07:00,735 --> 00:07:02,273 Dad... Really? 127 00:07:03,485 --> 00:07:04,284 Really? 128 00:07:04,404 --> 00:07:06,522 It might not look much, but it's a great little runner. 129 00:07:06,642 --> 00:07:08,920 And you won't be able { o get up enough speed in it }to kill yourself. 130 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,879 - I don't want it. - Come on, it's a special edition. 131 00:07:12,046 --> 00:07:13,046 A Hawaii. 132 00:07:13,353 --> 00:07:15,287 I bet your mates at school will think it's cool. 133 00:07:15,407 --> 00:07:17,685 - I can't go to school in it! - Well, if I was a girl, 134 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:20,039 I'd think whoever drove this was pretty trendy. 135 00:07:20,303 --> 00:07:22,919 Are you trying to wind me up? Why are you saying these things? 136 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,678 Well, I think you should just be a bit more grateful, to be honest. 137 00:07:25,798 --> 00:07:28,102 - Christ, it's got a tape deck. - See, that's good. 138 00:07:28,222 --> 00:07:31,440 No, it's not! You can't even buy tapes any more. 139 00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:33,239 You're being melodramatic again. 140 00:07:33,526 --> 00:07:36,600 Now, why don't you go and show Will? I bet he'll be jealous. 141 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,680 He'll be really jealous of how yellow it is. 142 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:42,167 And be careful, that's the most valuable present you'll ever get. 143 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:44,359 - I fucking hope not. - I heard that! 144 00:07:48,118 --> 00:07:50,208 The good news was that Simon had passed. 145 00:07:50,328 --> 00:07:54,066 The not-so-good news was bright yellow and parked in my driveway. 146 00:07:54,186 --> 00:07:57,847 Well, I don't think it's too bad. It's not great, though, is it? 147 00:07:57,967 --> 00:08:00,191 No. But don't look at the external realities, 148 00:08:00,311 --> 00:08:02,399 - think of the immense possibilities. - What? 149 00:08:02,561 --> 00:08:05,039 Yes, it's a Cinquecento Hawaii, but it's also freedom. 150 00:08:05,530 --> 00:08:08,151 It's the possibility of driving our own destiny. 151 00:08:08,271 --> 00:08:09,649 We can be what we want now, 152 00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:12,265 push our lives literally in the direction we want them to... 153 00:08:12,385 --> 00:08:14,961 - Is that a tape deck? - Check out the Bendermobile! 154 00:08:15,081 --> 00:08:16,581 It looks like a paedo's car! 155 00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:19,159 He's just jealous cos his family haven't discovered fire yet. 156 00:08:19,321 --> 00:08:21,479 - You fucking what, MacKenzie? - Nothing, nothing. 157 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,079 - Oh, hello, Mrs MacKenzie. - Hello, Mark. Is this your car? 158 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,439 No, it's Cooper's. 159 00:08:27,843 --> 00:08:29,959 - Shame about the colour, Simon. - Right... 160 00:08:30,545 --> 00:08:32,958 Mum, we're just off to Thorpe Park and we're running a bit late 161 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,287 - so we should probably go now. - Thorpe Park? 162 00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:39,257 - To ride roller coasters? Is it safe? - Yes, it's incredibly safe. 163 00:08:39,639 --> 00:08:42,962 Won't you be frightened? You cried when you went on the ghost train. 164 00:08:43,082 --> 00:08:46,319 I was five years old! Mum, please! 165 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:50,447 - I just worry about you, petal. Actually, I should get you a jumper. 166 00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:52,559 Go! Just drive before she gets back. 167 00:09:05,070 --> 00:09:06,823 Simon's dad needn't have worried. 168 00:09:06,943 --> 00:09:10,124 There was no danger of him getting up enough speed to kill himself, 169 00:09:10,244 --> 00:09:13,879 despite the fact Thorpe Park would be shutting in a few hours. 170 00:09:14,286 --> 00:09:16,482 - Where's your new car, Si? - Round here. 171 00:09:16,602 --> 00:09:17,574 Fuck me! 172 00:09:17,694 --> 00:09:19,791 Do you get a free Barbie when you buy one of these? 173 00:09:19,911 --> 00:09:21,144 - Shotgun! - After you. 174 00:09:21,264 --> 00:09:22,618 I called shotgun. 175 00:09:22,738 --> 00:09:23,520 What? 176 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,519 Shotgun, it means I get the front seat. 177 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:27,853 In what way could it possibly mean that? 178 00:09:27,973 --> 00:09:29,353 - It just does. - Look, 179 00:09:29,473 --> 00:09:31,503 we drove over here with me in the front seat. 180 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,040 We've come to pick you up, we've picked you up. 181 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,881 Now in you get and I'll return to my previous position. 182 00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,839 It's not happening, freak. I called shotgun. 183 00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:40,639 - He's right, he did call it. - What? 184 00:09:40,801 --> 00:09:42,919 - You're backing him? - Get in the back, Will. 185 00:09:44,349 --> 00:09:48,337 All right, I'm getting in. Get off! I'm hyperreflexic, my bones'll pop out. 186 00:09:49,430 --> 00:09:50,626 So we had a car. 187 00:09:50,746 --> 00:09:53,033 It was a shit car, but it was still a car. 188 00:09:53,446 --> 00:09:55,399 All we needed now was some girls. 189 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,480 Up ahead, a car full of muff! Pull alongside 'em, Si. 190 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,024 I can't. I'm not turning left. 191 00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:04,652 - It's against the Highway Code. - Well, just beep 'em. 192 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:07,249 - Don't be such a pussy! - No! Get off! 193 00:10:07,778 --> 00:10:09,372 All right, all right. 194 00:10:12,566 --> 00:10:15,889 - Hello, lovelies! Follow 'em. - All right, I suppose. 195 00:10:18,355 --> 00:10:20,839 - Shit, I stalled it. - Oh, you dickhead. 196 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,463 - They're getting away. - Jesus, 197 00:10:22,583 --> 00:10:24,617 you make it sound like we're about to attack them. 198 00:10:24,737 --> 00:10:27,101 - You lost the muff wagon. - What were we gonna do anyway? 199 00:10:27,221 --> 00:10:30,097 Follow them until they're forced to drive to a police station? 200 00:10:30,217 --> 00:10:32,999 They love it, you tool. It's called flirting. 201 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,218 Yeah, a terrifying and unsolicited form of flirting. 202 00:10:35,338 --> 00:10:38,479 If you didn't drive like an old woman, we might catch up with them. 203 00:10:38,659 --> 00:10:41,239 I'm not gonna risk our necks for some random girls. 204 00:10:41,401 --> 00:10:44,092 Well, I'd give a left bollock for 'em. So get a fucking move on. 205 00:10:44,212 --> 00:10:45,929 Actually, I think that's them up ahead. 206 00:10:46,049 --> 00:10:48,566 We've caught up with them! Do a left. 207 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,719 What are you doing? Pull out. 208 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:53,080 - There's a space, you can go now. - No, it's not safe. 209 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,959 Are you winding me up? Look, go now! 210 00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:57,064 Thorpe Park's gonna be closing soon, Si. 211 00:10:57,184 --> 00:10:58,809 Look, fuck off, all right! 212 00:10:58,929 --> 00:11:00,841 I've just passed my test and I'm not gonna crash 213 00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,616 - cos you twats can't wait two minutes. - Just fucking go. 214 00:11:03,736 --> 00:11:06,239 - There's a gap! Quickly! - All right! For fuck's sake! 215 00:11:17,137 --> 00:11:20,206 - Oh, shit. - Now look what you've made me do. 216 00:11:20,326 --> 00:11:21,408 Oh, God! 217 00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,412 Why are they going so fucking slowly? 218 00:11:24,532 --> 00:11:26,453 I mean, it's almost as if they don't want to see 219 00:11:26,573 --> 00:11:28,759 their dearly departed fly out the back onto the A320. 220 00:11:29,581 --> 00:11:30,400 Oh, God! 221 00:11:31,906 --> 00:11:34,255 It wasn't a great start to our first road trip 222 00:11:34,375 --> 00:11:36,639 and knowing our luck, they'd be burying him at Thorpe Park. 223 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:41,286 It's fair to say overtaking dead bodies wasn't Simon's strong point. 224 00:11:41,406 --> 00:11:43,223 By the time we finally got to Thorpe Park, 225 00:11:43,343 --> 00:11:46,844 we only had two hours of valuable roller-coaster time left. 226 00:11:48,347 --> 00:11:50,463 I can't believe you lost the muff, you bell-end. 227 00:11:50,583 --> 00:11:54,115 - They were giving us the come-on. - By driving away as fast as possible. 228 00:11:54,286 --> 00:11:56,023 They wanted us to chase 'em. 229 00:11:56,143 --> 00:11:58,515 But it's hard to have a chase when you don't go over 30. 230 00:11:58,635 --> 00:11:59,835 It's 30 for a reason. 231 00:11:59,997 --> 00:12:02,635 I think we should remember today is about roller coasters. 232 00:12:02,796 --> 00:12:04,260 And Simon's got us here safely. 233 00:12:04,380 --> 00:12:06,155 I thought it was about me passing my test. 234 00:12:06,316 --> 00:12:07,776 Yes... As well. 235 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,115 But mainly it's about Nemesis Inferno. 236 00:12:10,277 --> 00:12:11,927 No, today's about tits. 237 00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:15,128 - And we are in luck. Get 'em. - Right. 238 00:12:16,716 --> 00:12:17,556 Park it! 239 00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:21,515 - Quickly, you dickhead. - Fuck off! 240 00:12:25,956 --> 00:12:27,636 I'm not waiting any longer. 241 00:12:32,977 --> 00:12:33,846 Oh, no. 242 00:12:35,141 --> 00:12:36,996 - Oh, shit! - Oh, dear. 243 00:12:37,792 --> 00:12:39,555 Your dad's not gonna be pleased, is he? 244 00:12:39,845 --> 00:12:42,435 God, look what you've done. Christ, I've only had it a day. 245 00:12:42,693 --> 00:12:44,075 You're in the shit! 246 00:12:45,076 --> 00:12:47,087 - Where you going? - My dad's gonna go mental. 247 00:12:47,207 --> 00:12:49,515 - I've gotta get this fixed. - But the roller coasters... 248 00:12:49,677 --> 00:12:51,395 I don't care. I have to get this fixed. 249 00:12:51,556 --> 00:12:54,142 But Simon, we've come so far. 250 00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:57,155 Neil's sister's boyfriend is a mechanic. He'll fix it. 251 00:12:57,613 --> 00:12:59,444 - Is he? - Well, there you go, then! 252 00:12:59,564 --> 00:13:02,275 We'll go and find Neil, his sister's boyfriend will fix it 253 00:13:02,437 --> 00:13:05,735 and your dad will be none the wiser. As we've travelled all this way, 254 00:13:05,855 --> 00:13:09,166 - we might as well enjoy the rides. - But my car... 255 00:13:09,476 --> 00:13:11,140 Simon, look at me. Look at me! 256 00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:14,568 I guarantee the Nemesis Inferno will cheer you up. 257 00:13:14,934 --> 00:13:16,550 Or think about them lovelies. 258 00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,595 They're in there with their... tits and that. 259 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,915 Come on, let's go and find Neil for you. 260 00:13:21,076 --> 00:13:23,178 - Can't we just phone him? - He's at work, Si. 261 00:13:23,298 --> 00:13:24,777 He can't take personal calls. 262 00:13:24,897 --> 00:13:27,086 We're gonna have to go in there if we want to talk to him. 263 00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:29,270 But what about my car door? What if someone nicks it? 264 00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:32,875 We'll take it with us. They'll definitely have a place to store it. 265 00:13:32,995 --> 00:13:34,752 Fine. For fuck's sake. 266 00:13:36,168 --> 00:13:39,155 We have baby-changing and disabled access for limited rides. 267 00:13:39,316 --> 00:13:40,076 Right... 268 00:13:40,997 --> 00:13:42,355 Not really what I asked. 269 00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:44,515 We don't have anywhere to store car doors. 270 00:13:45,494 --> 00:13:47,609 Turns out they don't have anywhere to store car doors. 271 00:13:47,729 --> 00:13:50,115 Knew it. Fine. We'll take turns carrying it, then. 272 00:13:50,276 --> 00:13:52,127 - I'm not carrying it. - Fuck not carrying it. 273 00:13:52,247 --> 00:13:54,556 - You're paying for it as well, mate. - Me? Why? 274 00:13:54,716 --> 00:13:56,476 - Cos you ripped it off. - You reversed! 275 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,274 - But you're the one who ripped it off! - Hey, let's not argue. 276 00:13:59,394 --> 00:14:01,373 Let's just get in there, have some fun. 277 00:14:01,493 --> 00:14:03,926 Face it, if you could park properly, this wouldn't have happened. 278 00:14:04,046 --> 00:14:06,635 Yeah? Well, I'm the only one who can drive, so you can fuck off. 279 00:14:06,755 --> 00:14:09,489 I can drive. I took an army driving course when I was 10. 280 00:14:09,609 --> 00:14:11,417 You still wet the bed when you were 10. 281 00:14:11,537 --> 00:14:13,849 I wet your mum's bed. With my spunk. 282 00:14:13,969 --> 00:14:15,316 Yeah, brilliant. 283 00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:16,716 When we got into the park, 284 00:14:16,876 --> 00:14:19,715 I realised it had been worth ruining a dignified man's funeral for. 285 00:14:20,074 --> 00:14:21,559 It was amazing. 286 00:14:22,075 --> 00:14:23,862 We may have lost the... hm... tits, 287 00:14:23,982 --> 00:14:26,209 but the roller coaster was still in our sights. 288 00:14:26,329 --> 00:14:27,779 We had to find Neil, 289 00:14:27,899 --> 00:14:30,115 if only to stop Simon bitching about his car. 290 00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:32,765 - I'm not paying for it. - Yes, you are. 291 00:14:32,885 --> 00:14:34,915 - Good luck with that. - Let's just find Neil. 292 00:14:35,591 --> 00:14:36,641 What's that? 293 00:14:37,764 --> 00:14:39,960 Are you all right, Mr Monkey? 294 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,871 - It hurts! - Does he need help? 295 00:14:41,991 --> 00:14:43,118 Help! Help! 296 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:46,115 Not up my nose! Not my nose! 297 00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,425 - He's gone mental. - Poor fucker. 298 00:14:50,221 --> 00:14:52,229 - A wasp! Wasp! - Neil! 299 00:14:52,756 --> 00:14:54,561 Wasp! In me costume! 300 00:15:00,225 --> 00:15:01,395 Oh God, that hurts. 301 00:15:01,916 --> 00:15:03,595 Stupid bloody wasps! 302 00:15:03,756 --> 00:15:07,036 Neil, I need to speak to you about your sister's boyfriend. 303 00:15:07,196 --> 00:15:10,235 - Oh, Jesus, Neil! - Christ, you're naked under there. 304 00:15:11,131 --> 00:15:14,269 I don't think it's a good idea to be naked if you're working with kids. 305 00:15:14,389 --> 00:15:16,795 But Mr Monkey isn't naked. He's got a waistcoat and a hat. 306 00:15:16,956 --> 00:15:19,396 No, not Mr Monkey, Neil. You. 307 00:15:19,754 --> 00:15:22,476 - But I'm in the suit. - Yes, naked. 308 00:15:22,637 --> 00:15:24,979 Look, I'm in agony here. Put some of that cream on my stings. 309 00:15:25,099 --> 00:15:27,675 - God, all right, then. - The worst ones are on my back. 310 00:15:27,836 --> 00:15:29,628 - And arse. - Fuck that! 311 00:15:29,748 --> 00:15:32,105 You lot can stay here and finger Neil's arse if you wanna, 312 00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:34,326 but I'm off to find the clunge. 313 00:15:34,562 --> 00:15:36,995 Neil, seriously, can you put it away, so we can talk? 314 00:15:37,156 --> 00:15:40,021 - Put some clothes on. - All right, all right. 315 00:15:41,876 --> 00:15:43,449 Oh, not again. 316 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,306 - What? - They're always doing. 317 00:15:46,426 --> 00:15:48,212 They're bonkers. They've nicked my clothes. 318 00:15:48,332 --> 00:15:50,244 - Where would they have put 'em? - I don't know. 319 00:15:50,364 --> 00:15:52,147 Last time this happened, they burnt 'em. 320 00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:55,275 Please hurry up. We can't go on the roller coaster if you're naked. 321 00:15:55,436 --> 00:15:56,925 Don't worry. I'll get something 322 00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:02,685 With the stench from Neil's arse still hot in my nostrils, 323 00:16:02,805 --> 00:16:04,355 we headed for Nemesis. 324 00:16:04,956 --> 00:16:06,282 Though technically dressed, 325 00:16:06,402 --> 00:16:08,003 the clothes Neil had picked { rom lost property} 326 00:16:08,123 --> 00:16:11,817 made him look surprisingly like a Brazilian male prostitute. 327 00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:14,277 I've just seen the clunge head towards Nemesis. 328 00:16:14,397 --> 00:16:16,102 Sounds like they're thrill-seekers too. 329 00:16:16,222 --> 00:16:17,788 I hope they're cock-seekers too. 330 00:16:17,908 --> 00:16:19,596 - Brilliant. - See ya. 331 00:16:19,716 --> 00:16:21,734 I seriously need to speak to you about my car. 332 00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:24,516 Your sister's boyfriend works in a garage, doesn't he? 333 00:16:24,676 --> 00:16:26,675 - Yeah{, he works in a garage}. - Will he be working tonight? 334 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,961 - Probably, he works most evenings. - Brilliant, perfect, that's sorted. 335 00:16:30,081 --> 00:16:32,121 The park's about to close so we'll go on Nemesis now 336 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:35,115 and we can deal with the car later. But we'll go on the Nemesis now. 337 00:16:35,276 --> 00:16:36,496 I suppose so. 338 00:16:42,009 --> 00:16:43,049 Hello. 339 00:16:43,617 --> 00:16:45,179 Yes, I got your text. 340 00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:46,717 Yes, I'm safe. 341 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,808 No, I'm not crying. 342 00:16:49,116 --> 00:16:51,755 So far, the only terrifying experience I'd had all day 343 00:16:51,917 --> 00:16:53,543 was seeing Neil's cock and balls, 344 00:16:53,663 --> 00:16:56,795 but now the Nemesis Inferno was tantalisingly close. 345 00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:59,749 This is your last chance to queue for Nemesis Inferno. 346 00:16:59,869 --> 00:17:01,704 The ride is now closing. 347 00:17:01,824 --> 00:17:03,858 - Shit, still an hour queue. - That's nothing. 348 00:17:03,978 --> 00:17:06,817 I once waited three hours for the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland Paris. 349 00:17:06,937 --> 00:17:09,156 - You are mental. - Mental. 350 00:17:09,316 --> 00:17:12,761 - Why is enjoying things mental? - This place is full of muff, 351 00:17:12,881 --> 00:17:14,769 but you're only interested in roller coasters. 352 00:17:14,889 --> 00:17:16,236 Girls are everywhere, Jay. 353 00:17:16,356 --> 00:17:18,233 The best rides in the country are only here. 354 00:17:18,353 --> 00:17:20,299 - You sound like you're 40. - Well, I'm queuing. 355 00:17:20,419 --> 00:17:22,735 And I'm getting in a separate queue for the front four seats. 356 00:17:22,855 --> 00:17:25,577 - The front's the best. - The ride is now closing. 357 00:17:25,697 --> 00:17:27,948 - Si, are you coming? - Are you sure your sister's boyfriend 358 00:17:28,068 --> 00:17:30,649 - will be working tonight, Neil? - I told you he works evenings. 359 00:17:30,769 --> 00:17:33,356 Well, that's sorted, then! Now, can we please get on the ride? 360 00:17:33,516 --> 00:17:36,681 - Shotgun the outside seats. - No, you can't shotgun this. 361 00:17:36,801 --> 00:17:38,208 Well, I just did. 362 00:17:40,979 --> 00:17:41,883 Oh, yes! 363 00:17:42,617 --> 00:17:45,188 You know this is one of the only two versions of this roller coaster 364 00:17:45,308 --> 00:17:46,691 outside of the US? 365 00:17:46,811 --> 00:17:49,321 And I promise, athough it's taken a little bit longer... 366 00:17:49,441 --> 00:17:52,321 - Half a fucking hour longer. - To queue for the front, 367 00:17:52,441 --> 00:17:55,794 it will be worth it. Unencumbered thrills. 368 00:17:55,914 --> 00:17:57,744 And we can come back all year thanks to Neil. 369 00:17:57,864 --> 00:17:59,985 - Come on, we're up. - Room for one more at the front. 370 00:18:00,105 --> 00:18:02,155 - Sorry? - One more at the front. 371 00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:05,475 How can there possibly be room for only one more at the front? 372 00:18:05,637 --> 00:18:08,515 There's three people on the front so there's a spare seat there. 373 00:18:08,676 --> 00:18:10,566 Let's just rewind a bit, shall we? 374 00:18:10,686 --> 00:18:12,463 Why are there now 3 people at the front? 375 00:18:12,553 --> 00:18:14,482 - If you could just get on. - They've pushed in. 376 00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:18,556 We spent over an hour queuing for the front and they've pushed in. 377 00:18:18,717 --> 00:18:19,715 Get them off! 378 00:18:19,882 --> 00:18:22,274 Get them off and make them move! Fucking pushing in. 379 00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:24,106 It doesn't matter. We'll sit at the back. 380 00:18:24,226 --> 00:18:25,388 Are they so dumb 381 00:18:25,508 --> 00:18:27,795 they think it's OK to push in? Make them move. 382 00:18:27,915 --> 00:18:29,555 Shut up, you plum, and get on the ride. 383 00:18:29,716 --> 00:18:31,796 Sir, it's the last ride of the day. Please get on. 384 00:18:31,956 --> 00:18:33,833 Will, honestly, it doesn't matter. Just get on. 385 00:18:33,953 --> 00:18:37,460 Fine. Fucking fine. I'll just get on. I'll just get on 386 00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:41,195 and sit at the front next to these inconsiderate arseholes. 387 00:18:47,269 --> 00:18:49,315 I'm the worst human being in the world. 388 00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:26,304 When I look back on my life, 389 00:19:26,424 --> 00:19:29,274 I'm pretty sure that ride will be a low point. 390 00:19:29,394 --> 00:19:33,020 But with a bit of luck, the others wouldn't find out who I'd insulted. 391 00:19:33,140 --> 00:19:34,875 They were on the front? 392 00:19:36,307 --> 00:19:37,534 Oh, no, Will. 393 00:19:39,484 --> 00:19:40,672 Oh, my God. 394 00:19:40,792 --> 00:19:42,125 - Will... - Oh, my God. 395 00:19:42,245 --> 00:19:43,698 - Don't! - "Arseholes"? 396 00:19:43,818 --> 00:19:45,796 - This is the best! - You're going to hell. 397 00:19:45,956 --> 00:19:46,876 Please don't. 398 00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,779 So I'd finally got to ride the Nemesis, 399 00:19:49,899 --> 00:19:51,900 which wasn't as much fun as I'd hoped. 400 00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:53,876 It would be a long journey home, 401 00:19:54,036 --> 00:19:55,835 made longer by Simon carrying the door 402 00:19:55,955 --> 00:19:57,805 and my heavy sense of shame. 403 00:19:58,157 --> 00:20:01,308 Well, it can't be too hard to find. It's the colour of my nan's piss. 404 00:20:01,428 --> 00:20:05,650 - Why are you watching your nan piss? - What am I gonna say to my parents? 405 00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:08,482 - Will the door go back on? - Stop shitting yourself. 406 00:20:08,602 --> 00:20:10,959 Neil said his sister's boyfriend will be able to fix it. 407 00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,953 - No, he won't be able to fix that. - What? 408 00:20:13,073 --> 00:20:15,621 You said he'd be able to fix it no problem and he worked in a garage. 409 00:20:15,741 --> 00:20:18,395 He does, BP garage. He mucks about with cars, 410 00:20:18,556 --> 00:20:20,915 but he won't be able to fix that in a million years. 411 00:20:21,077 --> 00:20:22,270 The door's come off. 412 00:20:22,390 --> 00:20:24,680 This is a disaster. My dad's gonna go mad. 413 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,872 It'll be fine. We'll find someone else to fix it. 414 00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:29,595 I know a bloke who builds Formula One cars. He owes me a favour. 415 00:20:29,757 --> 00:20:31,819 I don't think your make-believe friend will fix this. 416 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:34,398 We'll find a proper mechanic on the way back. It can't be too hard. 417 00:20:34,446 --> 00:20:36,724 As long as it's fixed good as new and my parents don't know, 418 00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,086 that's all I care about. 419 00:20:38,206 --> 00:20:40,115 Oh look, here it is, car park D. 420 00:20:42,464 --> 00:20:43,276 Oh, dear. 421 00:20:43,436 --> 00:20:45,382 What the fuck has happened? 422 00:20:50,772 --> 00:20:53,915 - Holy shit! What's happened? - At least they left the tape deck. 423 00:20:54,081 --> 00:20:56,915 I don't believe this. There's no explaining this to my dad. 424 00:20:57,086 --> 00:20:58,536 I mean, who and why? 425 00:21:05,317 --> 00:21:08,836 - Yes, that makes sense. - Fuckers, let's get 'em. 426 00:21:09,195 --> 00:21:12,875 Jay, I'm not gonna chase after and then fight the Happy Foundation bus. 427 00:21:13,037 --> 00:21:15,022 How are we getting home, then? 428 00:21:18,003 --> 00:21:18,942 It's true. 429 00:21:19,062 --> 00:21:20,614 Girls do like cars. 430 00:21:20,734 --> 00:21:22,645 They just don't like shitty little yellow cars 431 00:21:22,765 --> 00:21:26,053 that ruin funerals and don't have all the doors they were made with. 432 00:21:26,173 --> 00:21:29,356 Girls are also less keen on boys who wear Speedos, 433 00:21:29,741 --> 00:21:31,316 borderline sex pests 434 00:21:31,477 --> 00:21:35,027 and people who insult the disabled. Inconsiderate arseholes! 435 00:21:36,151 --> 00:21:37,418 But it's not all bad. 436 00:21:37,538 --> 00:21:39,755 What we learned today is there isn't a car on the planet 437 00:21:39,917 --> 00:21:42,867 that can make us cool, whatever state it was in. 438 00:21:44,048 --> 00:21:47,098 Dad... What you need to know is it wasn't my fault. 439 00:21:48,093 --> 00:21:50,516 Well, I'm sorry, but it wasn't my fault! 440 00:21:52,254 --> 00:21:54,504 Transcript: Evarin - Synchro: Tagne 441 00:21:55,305 --> 00:22:55,522 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/yw6g Help other users to choose the best subtitles