1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 -== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==- 2 00:00:18,327 --> 00:00:19,879 The Inbetweeners 1x4 Girlfriend 3 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,424 It was a typical Saturday night in suburbia, 4 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:24,651 and Wendy's party was the kind of shit party 5 00:00:24,771 --> 00:00:26,288 that happened most weekends. 6 00:00:26,408 --> 00:00:29,044 Her parents were upstairs, waiting for the house to be trashed. 7 00:00:29,164 --> 00:00:31,859 They'd be down at 11:30 anyway, to turf us all out. 8 00:00:31,979 --> 00:00:33,108 We were downstairs, 9 00:00:33,228 --> 00:00:36,050 bored senseless and wondering how we'd ever get laid. 10 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:39,545 And anyone who is in any way cool was somewhere else. 11 00:00:40,226 --> 00:00:42,641 Can you get off the arm rest, please? 12 00:00:43,449 --> 00:00:45,171 Although it was nice of you to invite me, 13 00:00:45,291 --> 00:00:47,319 this doesn't seem like a very cool party. 14 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:50,639 I'm sorry. Did you cancel a night out with Paris Hilton to be here? 15 00:00:51,213 --> 00:00:52,485 Do you have any more beer? 16 00:00:52,578 --> 00:00:55,421 I think there's a box of my dad's small beers left. Don't drink it all 17 00:00:55,484 --> 00:00:57,760 cos Charlotte Hinchcliffe and her mates will be here soon. 18 00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,679 Yeah, right, like she's gonna come. 19 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,966 - Why wouldn't she come? - She's fit and popular, 20 00:01:02,039 --> 00:01:04,234 - therefore she won't be coming. - Who won't be coming? 21 00:01:04,354 --> 00:01:06,297 - Charlotte Hinchcliffe. - I'd make her come... 22 00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:07,481 All over my face! 23 00:01:07,919 --> 00:01:11,671 She has to get special bras made because not only are her tits so big, 24 00:01:11,791 --> 00:01:13,279 but they are perfectly round. 25 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:15,040 Like porn star tits. 26 00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:17,923 And she's a slag. She once munched off the whole rugby team. 27 00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:20,040 - Can that be true? - No word of a lie. 28 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,674 - I heard that. - Our school doesn't have a rugby team. 29 00:01:22,751 --> 00:01:24,396 - It was another school. - Which one? 30 00:01:24,465 --> 00:01:25,334 It happened. 31 00:01:25,454 --> 00:01:27,409 You should be able to tell me where it happened. 32 00:01:27,483 --> 00:01:30,199 - {You can}Ask her yourself when she gets here. - Except she won't be here! 33 00:01:30,361 --> 00:01:33,639 - Jay, I'm off, mate. See you soon. - All right then, mate. 34 00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,359 - Who was that? - Just a friend. 35 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:38,798 You've made a new friend? 36 00:01:38,918 --> 00:01:42,120 Oh, a friend! Since when have you had other friends? 37 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:43,519 Oh, a friend! 38 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,857 I knew him from when we were doing trials at West Ham. 39 00:01:45,977 --> 00:01:47,968 He's moved into the area. He's just some guy. 40 00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:49,807 - Some guy! - Oh, he's just some guy. 41 00:01:49,927 --> 00:01:51,804 - Oh, he's just some guy. - That's all it is. 42 00:01:51,924 --> 00:01:54,618 Just a friend from when Jay had trials at West Ham... That never happened. 43 00:01:54,738 --> 00:01:57,199 - Don't forget the thumbs up. - Oh, friend! Oh, new friend. 44 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,760 - Friend! - Please be my friend. 45 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,040 - Oh, friend. - Oh, friend. 46 00:02:02,309 --> 00:02:03,719 Fuck you lot. Where's the beer? 47 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,448 - We're out. - I'm going to the loo. 48 00:02:05,568 --> 00:02:07,319 What, for a wank? You wanker. 49 00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:08,605 Friend! 50 00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:12,048 See if you can find some more beer on the way back. 51 00:02:12,168 --> 00:02:14,479 Check the washing machine. That's where I'd hide it. 52 00:02:14,641 --> 00:02:16,199 No-one ever puts any in the fridge. 53 00:02:22,591 --> 00:02:24,279 Fucking hell, she has turned up. 54 00:02:24,547 --> 00:02:27,479 This is now officially the coolest party we have ever been to. 55 00:02:27,641 --> 00:02:29,569 Try and look at cool, then. 56 00:02:39,557 --> 00:02:42,520 As expected, the kitchen was a booze-free zone. 57 00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:45,236 Apart from one small beer in the washing machine, 58 00:02:45,356 --> 00:02:47,199 which was presumably Neil's. 59 00:02:47,361 --> 00:02:50,296 I assumed there wouldn't be any in the fridge, but what the hell. 60 00:02:50,416 --> 00:02:53,143 And to my surprise, I hit the jackpot! 61 00:02:57,417 --> 00:02:59,436 Think you've got my champagne. 62 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,150 God. 63 00:03:02,044 --> 00:03:02,999 Sorry. 64 00:03:03,119 --> 00:03:05,283 You've opened it now, you might as well grab a glass. 65 00:03:05,403 --> 00:03:06,945 Right, yes. 66 00:03:07,285 --> 00:03:08,506 Thanks. Sorry. 67 00:03:09,794 --> 00:03:12,171 Did you know the original champagne glass 68 00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:14,759 is said to be modelled on Marie Antoinette's breast? 69 00:03:14,981 --> 00:03:17,610 Do you always start off a conversation by talking about breasts? 70 00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:19,280 No... How has it gone? 71 00:03:19,845 --> 00:03:21,547 - Quite badly. - Right. 72 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,255 She's amazing. 73 00:03:24,292 --> 00:03:26,014 - Who? - That girl. 74 00:03:26,495 --> 00:03:28,317 Her eyes are beautiful. 75 00:03:28,738 --> 00:03:31,363 You get weird around girls, like a stalker. 76 00:03:31,483 --> 00:03:33,236 - No, I don't. - Yeah, you do. 77 00:03:33,356 --> 00:03:35,606 Where's that muppet with our drinks? 78 00:03:40,644 --> 00:03:43,295 I haven't told my old friends I've joined a state comprehensive yet. 79 00:03:43,415 --> 00:03:45,527 They think I'm here doing voluntary work for Unicef. 80 00:03:45,919 --> 00:03:47,199 You pretentious twat! 81 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,860 - Did you get us any beers? - Hi, Jay. 82 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:53,423 If you really want a laugh, you should come and chat with me. 83 00:03:53,543 --> 00:03:56,326 - I'm about 50 times funnier than him. - Is he for real? 84 00:03:56,446 --> 00:03:58,401 - Regrettably, yes. - I'm totally for real. 85 00:03:58,521 --> 00:04:01,438 - Everybody knows I'm funnier. - Even you'd say so, wouldn't you? 86 00:04:01,558 --> 00:04:05,707 - Well, no, not really. - All right, funny boy, make me laugh. 87 00:04:06,188 --> 00:04:07,715 Without undressing. 88 00:04:36,228 --> 00:04:37,343 Crazy frog. 89 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:42,479 If Will ever stops being funny, I'll let you know. Come on, you. 90 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,816 - What the hell is going on? - Fuck knows. 91 00:04:51,936 --> 00:04:54,505 Her and her mates must be having a snog a twat competition. 92 00:04:54,625 --> 00:04:57,559 That can't be happening, else someone would have claimed you. 93 00:04:58,312 --> 00:04:59,752 This is brilliant news. 94 00:04:59,872 --> 00:05:02,506 How is will getting off with Charlotte Big Jugs brilliant news? 95 00:05:02,626 --> 00:05:04,199 It means things really have changed. 96 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,831 Girls might be about to notice us for who we actually are. 97 00:05:06,951 --> 00:05:08,559 You're fucked, because you're a twat. 98 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:09,736 Nice. 99 00:05:18,662 --> 00:05:19,749 Oh, my God. 100 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,999 I thought she was seeing someone in our year. 101 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:24,424 I heard she was seeing Donovan. 102 00:05:24,642 --> 00:05:26,062 No, who is it? 103 00:05:26,182 --> 00:05:28,680 Is it Donovan, Neil? Cos he's a nutter and we should warn Will. 104 00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:29,919 It's someone. 105 00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:32,039 - Is it Donovan? - I can't think. 106 00:05:32,514 --> 00:05:33,519 Let me think. 107 00:05:33,888 --> 00:05:34,879 That guy... 108 00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:36,319 What's his name? 109 00:05:36,812 --> 00:05:38,487 This isn't a practical joke, is it? 110 00:05:38,607 --> 00:05:40,742 Because if it is, then I'm... I'm fine with that. 111 00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:43,113 It would be nice to know so we can have a laugh about it, 112 00:05:43,233 --> 00:05:46,480 at my expense, and then... get on with our lives. 113 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,123 No, it's not a practical joke. 114 00:05:48,341 --> 00:05:51,181 Great, sure, no. Didn't think it was. 115 00:05:58,481 --> 00:06:00,631 - I liked that kiss. - So did I. 116 00:06:01,232 --> 00:06:03,365 And if you're lucky, you might get more. 117 00:06:04,124 --> 00:06:05,450 Oh, my God, sex? 118 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,867 I'm not gonna have sex with you, Will! 119 00:06:07,987 --> 00:06:09,400 No, no, of course not. 120 00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:11,485 How about we... 121 00:06:12,348 --> 00:06:13,639 don't have sex in here? 122 00:06:14,571 --> 00:06:15,609 All right. 123 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:22,799 - Was it Donovan, Neil? - I'm trying to think who it was. 124 00:06:26,992 --> 00:06:30,209 - Yeah, it was Donovan. - You fucking idiot. 125 00:06:32,118 --> 00:06:34,464 - Will's dead. - Shit, we should do something. 126 00:06:34,584 --> 00:06:37,239 After he gets beaten up, we could take him to hospital. 127 00:06:37,801 --> 00:06:40,399 Fuck, fuck, fuck. Right, don't say anything. 128 00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,196 - All right? - Yep, yep. Yeah, I'm all right. 129 00:06:43,316 --> 00:06:45,990 I heard your mate is with Charlotte. 130 00:06:46,176 --> 00:06:48,519 - Dunno. Don't think so. - Yeah, they're upstairs. 131 00:06:48,681 --> 00:06:49,677 Cheers. 132 00:06:51,716 --> 00:06:52,480 What? 133 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,168 - So sorry, Mr and Mrs Dean. - That's OK, Mark. 134 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:03,880 Hope you're having a nice time. 135 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,650 - The loo's on the left. - Thank you very much. 136 00:07:13,804 --> 00:07:16,719 - What are you doing here? - I came to see you. Leave. 137 00:07:17,176 --> 00:07:18,176 No, stay. 138 00:07:18,991 --> 00:07:21,563 Mark, it's finished. Now, please go. 139 00:07:22,321 --> 00:07:24,618 I'm not leaving till you tell me it's over and you mean it. 140 00:07:24,738 --> 00:07:26,840 It's over and I mean it. 141 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,800 - I think you should leave. - What, you're telling me to leave? 142 00:07:31,281 --> 00:07:32,680 - Yes. - Or what? 143 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,479 - Don't hit him. Just go. - Or what? 144 00:07:34,641 --> 00:07:36,266 Mark, please. For me. 145 00:07:37,281 --> 00:07:38,159 Just go. 146 00:07:40,031 --> 00:07:41,581 Yeah. Yeah, all right. 147 00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:43,599 All right, I'm leaving, I'm leaving. 148 00:07:45,230 --> 00:07:47,284 Good, cos I was gonna call Wendy's parents, 149 00:07:47,404 --> 00:07:50,223 - and don't think that I won't. - OK, mate, two things, yeah? 150 00:07:50,343 --> 00:07:52,141 One, be nice to her, 151 00:07:52,771 --> 00:07:55,945 because she is kind and fragile and gentle, 152 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,830 not like people think. 153 00:07:58,407 --> 00:07:59,405 And two... 154 00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:02,199 If you tell anyone I said that, I will kill you. 155 00:08:02,361 --> 00:08:03,611 I will kill you! 156 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,359 What a dickhead! 157 00:08:16,315 --> 00:08:17,964 Fucking hell, he's leaving. 158 00:08:18,084 --> 00:08:19,817 No screams and he's not covered in blood. 159 00:08:19,937 --> 00:08:23,845 - Will must have got away with it. - Or Donovan killed them both silently. 160 00:08:23,965 --> 00:08:26,319 She is so beautiful and she keeps looking at me. 161 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:29,159 She's only looking to see if you've stopped staring at her. 162 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,520 - She's still looking. - Because you're freaking her out. 163 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,850 I think we've got a connection. 164 00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:37,252 - Her eyes! Why don't we go over? - No, I don't need to pull. 165 00:08:37,372 --> 00:08:40,079 - I've got a sure thing lined up. - A midweek wank? 166 00:08:40,199 --> 00:08:42,473 I've entered that charity blind date thing at school. 167 00:08:42,593 --> 00:08:44,474 - That's tragic. - That's where you're wrong. 168 00:08:44,594 --> 00:08:47,257 Because I get the choice of three girls to take out on a date. 169 00:08:47,377 --> 00:08:50,601 So I don't need to spend my Saturday evening scaring girls like Simon does. 170 00:08:50,721 --> 00:08:53,601 What if she's feeling the same and neither of us does anything about it? 171 00:08:53,721 --> 00:08:55,662 She's fit and she's the year above. 172 00:08:55,782 --> 00:08:58,159 - She'll never go for you. - Look, Will... Will, yeah, 173 00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,999 has pulled Charlotte Hinchcliffe. 174 00:09:00,655 --> 00:09:03,900 Anything could happen tonight. I'm going over. 175 00:09:06,975 --> 00:09:08,029 Go away. 176 00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:12,239 With Simon's humiliation, the party was over, 177 00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:15,039 and some of us had done better than others. 178 00:09:15,407 --> 00:09:17,723 I don't get it. Charlotte Tits could have had me, 179 00:09:17,843 --> 00:09:19,393 and she went for that? 180 00:09:19,591 --> 00:09:22,537 - Come on, then, what did you get? - Well, a gentleman never tells. 181 00:09:22,657 --> 00:09:24,234 - A bender never tells. - Brilliant. 182 00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:26,535 Come on, did you get a chew on her boobies or not? 183 00:09:26,655 --> 00:09:28,600 - I can neither confirm nor deny. - Bender. 184 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,775 Don't listen to them. This is brilliant. Are you seeing her again? 185 00:09:31,895 --> 00:09:34,627 I've got to call her tomorrow. She said we should hook up soon. 186 00:09:34,747 --> 00:09:35,698 Amazing. 187 00:09:36,817 --> 00:09:39,069 And don't tell my dad anything yet. It'll only set him off. 188 00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:40,000 Course. 189 00:09:45,587 --> 00:09:46,959 - Good night? - No, boring. 190 00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:48,359 Will pulled. 191 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,653 Did you, Will? Good work. 192 00:09:51,739 --> 00:09:52,479 Thanks. 193 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,786 When I was your age, I used to love house parties. 194 00:09:54,906 --> 00:09:57,724 Getting off with some bird, one of the upstairs rooms, underneath the coats. 195 00:09:57,844 --> 00:09:58,974 Dad, can we not...? 196 00:09:59,094 --> 00:10:02,412 In fact, I think I met your mum at a house party, Simon. 197 00:10:02,532 --> 00:10:05,080 - Jesus Christ. - She was wild. 198 00:10:05,241 --> 00:10:07,786 And after that, she didn't just like keeping it upstairs. 199 00:10:07,906 --> 00:10:10,356 No, we did it in the kitchen, in the garage... 200 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,473 I think we notched one up in the greenhouse once. 201 00:10:12,593 --> 00:10:14,911 - Stop the car, I'm gonna walk home. - Come on, Simon! 202 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,639 Me and your mum like doing it too, you know. 203 00:10:18,988 --> 00:10:21,547 - They do it in your house, Si! - Dad! 204 00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:25,083 - You're so embarrassing. - Your mum loves it! 205 00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:31,182 Two days had now passed since I kissed Charlotte, 206 00:10:31,302 --> 00:10:33,245 which meant it probably wasn't a wet dream. 207 00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:35,225 Hello, stranger. Hello, boys. 208 00:10:35,345 --> 00:10:37,356 Pulling me at a party of geeks was one thing, 209 00:10:37,476 --> 00:10:39,306 but how would she treat me at school? 210 00:10:39,426 --> 00:10:41,776 How are you? What have you been up to? 211 00:10:41,896 --> 00:10:43,803 On Sunday, me and Sarah went up to London, 212 00:10:43,964 --> 00:10:46,923 bought some vibrating love eggs and put them in on the train back. 213 00:10:47,901 --> 00:10:50,484 And where did you eat in London? 214 00:10:51,423 --> 00:10:52,809 Did you hear what I said? 215 00:10:52,929 --> 00:10:56,121 It just sounded like a private matter so I thought best not to intrude. 216 00:10:56,241 --> 00:10:58,243 Does it intimidate you when I talk about sex? 217 00:10:58,678 --> 00:11:00,204 No. Not at all. 218 00:11:00,799 --> 00:11:03,683 I'm just interested in London restaurants and stuff. 219 00:11:04,055 --> 00:11:05,807 You have had sex before, haven't you? 220 00:11:05,927 --> 00:11:09,604 Yes. Yes. Loads. I've done it with two different girls. 221 00:11:10,308 --> 00:11:11,683 I've had 11 lovers already. 222 00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:16,352 Five girls, actually. Sorry, it was five, not two. 223 00:11:16,472 --> 00:11:18,203 All right, stud. Who were they, then? 224 00:11:18,616 --> 00:11:21,056 - A girl I met in Australia. - Australia? 225 00:11:21,176 --> 00:11:23,619 - I went there on holiday. - When was that? 226 00:11:23,739 --> 00:11:24,739 2005. 227 00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:26,203 So you were 13? 228 00:11:26,498 --> 00:11:29,477 - I was very mature for my age. - Older woman, was she? 229 00:11:29,597 --> 00:11:31,437 She was a couple of years younger. 230 00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:33,607 - So she was 11? - Christ, no! 231 00:11:33,743 --> 00:11:34,993 I mean... 232 00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:38,502 yes... I suppose she must have been. 233 00:11:38,685 --> 00:11:41,083 - Jesus, 11. - And what about the other four? 234 00:11:41,203 --> 00:11:43,379 Had they reached puberty when you'd slept with them? 235 00:11:43,499 --> 00:11:45,244 God, yes, they were very recent. 236 00:11:45,364 --> 00:11:48,314 One was a couple of weeks ago, another one was... 237 00:11:48,905 --> 00:11:51,059 - a few days ago. - I see. 238 00:11:51,514 --> 00:11:55,236 I reckon you should come round on Friday night and, you know... 239 00:11:56,304 --> 00:11:57,554 God, you mean... 240 00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:01,524 you know... on... on Friday? 241 00:12:01,867 --> 00:12:03,935 - Why not, it's no big deal. - Not a big deal. 242 00:12:04,055 --> 00:12:07,004 - I'm not a virgin, you're not a virgin. - I'm so not a virgin. 243 00:12:07,164 --> 00:12:08,352 I believe you. 244 00:12:24,645 --> 00:12:26,013 What are you doing? 245 00:12:26,133 --> 00:12:27,883 - I'm reading. - That's what I meant. 246 00:12:28,044 --> 00:12:30,122 I don't know how anyone bothers with this shit. 247 00:12:30,242 --> 00:12:31,764 It's like a slow version of TV. 248 00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:33,643 - Then why bother? - For Blind Date. 249 00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:35,748 It'll make me sound clever if I say I read, 250 00:12:35,868 --> 00:12:37,219 and girls like clever blokes. 251 00:12:37,369 --> 00:12:40,563 But once a girl speaks to you she'll realise you're not a clever bloke. 252 00:12:40,725 --> 00:12:42,923 Exactly, that's why I'm saying that I read books. 253 00:12:43,085 --> 00:12:46,035 No, not exactly because you'll still seem stupid 254 00:12:46,155 --> 00:12:48,060 even though you've lied about reading books. 255 00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:49,154 Exactly. 256 00:12:49,427 --> 00:12:51,449 OK then, Neil, that clears it up. Good plan. 257 00:12:51,569 --> 00:12:53,371 You coming round mine tonight, play Pro Evo? 258 00:12:53,491 --> 00:12:56,043 Depends. Will your friend the footballer be there? 259 00:12:56,204 --> 00:12:58,816 Oh, friend. Football friend. 260 00:12:59,565 --> 00:13:01,964 Oh, best friends for ever and ever. 261 00:13:02,124 --> 00:13:03,234 Oh, friend. 262 00:13:03,354 --> 00:13:04,884 Fuck off, he's not my friend. 263 00:13:05,044 --> 00:13:07,003 All right. You're touchy about your friends. 264 00:13:07,317 --> 00:13:09,066 Come round mine tonight, my dad's out. 265 00:13:09,186 --> 00:13:10,604 - At last. - I mean going out. 266 00:13:10,764 --> 00:13:12,444 - Cottaging? - He's playing badminton. 267 00:13:12,604 --> 00:13:14,781 - Sounds like a euphemism. - We're not going round yours. 268 00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:16,359 - Your house stinks. - Does not. 269 00:13:16,479 --> 00:13:18,518 - It does smell odd. - Like what? 270 00:13:18,804 --> 00:13:21,155 - It just smells like being poor. - Fuck off! 271 00:13:21,275 --> 00:13:22,987 - Shit. - Charlotte again? 272 00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:25,184 I don't know why she doesn't come over and say hello. 273 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,377 Because she doesn't want to be seen dead with you. 274 00:13:27,497 --> 00:13:30,323 On Friday she'll be doing more than being seen dead with me. 275 00:13:30,485 --> 00:13:32,203 - You're having sex? - Nice. 276 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,643 - Does she know you're still a virgin? - I told her I got laid last week. 277 00:13:35,869 --> 00:13:37,797 Last week? Shit. 278 00:13:38,557 --> 00:13:41,323 Here's a tip for you. The more fingers up, the better. 279 00:13:41,678 --> 00:13:43,923 They fucking love it. Try to get at least three. 280 00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:48,363 What? I'm telling you, all the birds I've shagged love that. 281 00:13:48,524 --> 00:13:50,723 - So no birds love that, then. - Your mum loved it. 282 00:13:50,927 --> 00:13:51,927 Brilliant. 283 00:13:52,047 --> 00:13:54,283 Knowing my luck, she'll have dumped me by Friday anyway. 284 00:13:54,445 --> 00:13:56,603 Especially as she's using you to get back at Donovan. 285 00:13:56,723 --> 00:13:58,750 - What? - It's obvious. Everyone can see it. 286 00:13:59,124 --> 00:14:02,243 It's still great for you cos you get a go on those fantastic tits. 287 00:14:02,404 --> 00:14:04,043 - That's not true. - Yeah, it is. 288 00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:06,687 No offence, but you don't look much like her type. 289 00:14:06,807 --> 00:14:08,243 She goes for big rugby players. 290 00:14:08,404 --> 00:14:10,811 - 15 at a time, sometimes. - Fuck off! 291 00:14:11,124 --> 00:14:13,123 Fuck off, the lot of you. You don't know her. 292 00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:14,911 I'm only trying to look after you. 293 00:14:15,031 --> 00:14:17,563 You're just jealous because a fit girl fancies me and not you. 294 00:14:17,744 --> 00:14:20,379 - Come on, don't be a dick. - It's not all about looks, 295 00:14:20,499 --> 00:14:22,685 and beautiful women like Charlotte understand that. 296 00:14:22,805 --> 00:14:24,937 Maybe if you weren't so obsessed by that asshole Carli, 297 00:14:25,057 --> 00:14:27,123 who's just stringing you along, you'd see that. 298 00:14:27,243 --> 00:14:30,593 Fine, get your stupid fucking heart broken, I don't care. 299 00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:34,203 I've had mates before you and I'll have mates after you've fucked off. 300 00:14:36,201 --> 00:14:38,523 It was true. Simon still did have his old friends. 301 00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:42,284 - Books get me girls. - Oh, books. Oh, books. 302 00:14:42,444 --> 00:14:43,865 And he was welcome to them. 303 00:14:43,985 --> 00:14:47,528 - Books. Blind Date books. - Fuck the book with us, Simon. 304 00:14:48,303 --> 00:14:51,084 Friday rolled around and I was all dressed up for my, 305 00:14:51,204 --> 00:14:52,935 you know, date with Charlotte. 306 00:14:53,055 --> 00:14:54,726 - Bye, Mum. - Where are you off to? 307 00:14:54,846 --> 00:14:56,563 - Just to meet a friend. - Is it a girl? 308 00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:58,083 - No. - Is it a boy? 309 00:14:58,244 --> 00:15:00,443 No! It's a girl, all right. Her name's Charlotte. 310 00:15:00,616 --> 00:15:03,812 - Charlotte! It is she pretty? - Yes. She's beautiful. 311 00:15:03,932 --> 00:15:06,076 She's one of the most popular girls at school. 312 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:10,004 Don't go for the good-looking girls, because everyone's after them. 313 00:15:10,165 --> 00:15:12,156 Someone like you will have much more of a chance 314 00:15:12,276 --> 00:15:14,776 - of you go for the plainer girls. - Someone like me? 315 00:15:14,896 --> 00:15:17,936 Trust me, good-looking girls just break your heart. 316 00:15:18,056 --> 00:15:20,412 Let the good-looking boys go out with the good-looking girls. 317 00:15:20,532 --> 00:15:22,405 Are you saying you think I'm not good-looking? 318 00:15:22,525 --> 00:15:24,283 Darling, I think you're beautiful. 319 00:15:25,604 --> 00:15:26,437 Right. 320 00:15:26,742 --> 00:15:28,924 Thanks, Mum. See you later. 321 00:15:33,278 --> 00:15:34,243 Can you not? 322 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,798 - All right, Jay? - All right? 323 00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:40,821 - Nice car. - Do you like it? 324 00:15:41,056 --> 00:15:43,382 - Just got new rims for it. - Yeah, it's well nice. 325 00:15:43,502 --> 00:15:45,742 - Oh, friend. - Oh, car friend. 326 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,843 Oh, car friend, shall we play football? 327 00:15:48,004 --> 00:15:51,003 I've just got to pop home, but you can have a drive later, if you like. 328 00:15:51,290 --> 00:15:53,963 - Yeah, maybe. Cheers. - Thanks, friend! 329 00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:57,043 - Car friend, football. - Cheers, friend. 330 00:15:57,454 --> 00:15:59,043 See you later, then. 331 00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:05,843 - He's not my fucking friend. - All right. 332 00:16:07,581 --> 00:16:08,556 Friend! 333 00:16:11,582 --> 00:16:12,992 Friend! Friend! 334 00:16:13,696 --> 00:16:15,856 - Where's your friend? - Friend! 335 00:16:23,764 --> 00:16:26,043 Just to confirm, we are going to have sex? 336 00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:28,268 Yes, I can confirm that. 337 00:16:28,766 --> 00:16:31,443 - Told you, Mum. - Did you just call me mum? 338 00:16:31,605 --> 00:16:34,194 - No! No. God, no. - Are you all right? 339 00:16:34,795 --> 00:16:36,117 Yeah, I'm fine. 340 00:16:37,628 --> 00:16:39,213 Are you gonna hurt me? 341 00:16:39,515 --> 00:16:41,874 - If you want me to. - No, sorry, no, I meant... 342 00:16:41,994 --> 00:16:43,644 I know what you meant, Will. 343 00:16:44,310 --> 00:16:45,284 Come on. 344 00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:47,492 I really, really like you. 345 00:16:48,443 --> 00:16:49,453 You know... 346 00:16:50,486 --> 00:16:51,554 I adore you. 347 00:16:52,833 --> 00:16:53,807 A lot. 348 00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:55,621 I like you too. 349 00:16:56,496 --> 00:16:57,404 Come on. 350 00:17:13,649 --> 00:17:14,894 Will... stop. 351 00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:18,203 Don't move your whole body. 352 00:17:18,364 --> 00:17:20,198 Just move your hips, you know. 353 00:17:20,318 --> 00:17:21,707 Right. Sorry. 354 00:17:21,936 --> 00:17:24,003 - Yeah, you know... - Just my hips. 355 00:17:26,069 --> 00:17:27,525 How would that work? 356 00:17:28,431 --> 00:17:30,125 You sort of just... 357 00:17:31,126 --> 00:17:32,432 Look, forget it. 358 00:17:32,561 --> 00:17:34,683 You haven't done this before, have you? 359 00:17:36,685 --> 00:17:38,148 Sorry, I lied. 360 00:17:38,693 --> 00:17:40,002 Shall we have another go? 361 00:17:40,122 --> 00:17:41,999 I think the moment's gone, to be honest. 362 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:43,369 Sorry to ask... 363 00:17:44,122 --> 00:17:45,603 Have I just lost my virginity? 364 00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:47,561 I'm not gonna count that one. 365 00:17:47,681 --> 00:17:50,561 - Can I count it, though? - Probably not, no. 366 00:17:53,061 --> 00:17:55,159 - Shall we cuddle? - I'm going to get dressed. 367 00:17:55,279 --> 00:17:57,662 You should go before my mum gets back. 368 00:18:00,307 --> 00:18:02,643 And, Will, don't tell your mates, yeah. 369 00:18:03,659 --> 00:18:04,746 My mates? 370 00:18:05,632 --> 00:18:07,132 Not sure I have any. 371 00:18:07,537 --> 00:18:09,873 Will you put your pants on, please? 372 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,816 - Friend. - Friend. 373 00:18:12,936 --> 00:18:15,009 - Friend. - Made-up football friends. 374 00:18:15,129 --> 00:18:18,543 - Just give it a fucking rest, will you? - Hello, isn't that friend's car? 375 00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:21,350 New-rims car friend! 376 00:18:22,182 --> 00:18:24,188 I'll show you how much of a friend he is. 377 00:18:24,308 --> 00:18:25,558 Fucking friend. 378 00:18:26,413 --> 00:18:28,404 Oh, friend, friend! 379 00:18:29,055 --> 00:18:30,797 Fucking football friend. 380 00:18:31,964 --> 00:18:34,004 I never thought he'd get that wound up. 381 00:18:37,059 --> 00:18:39,044 Jay, what are you doin'? 382 00:18:39,204 --> 00:18:41,244 Oh, friend. Friend! 383 00:18:41,499 --> 00:18:44,044 I'm not your fucking friend, all right? All right? 384 00:18:44,204 --> 00:18:48,721 - Oh, friend, friend, car friend... - So are they friends or not? 385 00:18:49,124 --> 00:18:53,066 New car friend, let's go for a drive some time. See you, friend. 386 00:18:53,186 --> 00:18:54,483 See you later, friend. 387 00:18:55,581 --> 00:18:56,752 Oh, friend. 388 00:18:56,872 --> 00:18:58,922 Friend, friend, football friend. 389 00:19:01,945 --> 00:19:04,603 Later that week, it was the school's Blind Date show 390 00:19:04,813 --> 00:19:08,129 and I was there to see how Neil's brilliant book reading plan went. 391 00:19:08,489 --> 00:19:10,262 Even though I wasn't talking to him. 392 00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:13,389 And finally, the same question to number three. 393 00:19:14,199 --> 00:19:17,563 People say Anna Karenina because of my aristocratic elbow, 394 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,923 but I'd secretly like to think I'm more Jane Eyre. 395 00:19:23,185 --> 00:19:25,043 Right, have you made your decision? 396 00:19:26,096 --> 00:19:27,185 I dunno. 397 00:19:27,305 --> 00:19:30,252 I know it's for charity, but we've still got another one to go. 398 00:19:30,372 --> 00:19:31,363 Get on with it. 399 00:19:35,219 --> 00:19:36,457 Number three. 400 00:19:38,582 --> 00:19:42,443 She's doing her A-levels four years early and she loves Russian literature. 401 00:19:42,604 --> 00:19:43,643 It's Susie. 402 00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:54,199 Hi, Charlotte, it's me, Will. I don't want to be a stalker, 403 00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:56,440 but I was wondering if you could get back to me. 404 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,289 And just so you know, I'm on the mobile now and not the home number. 405 00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:00,379 Bye, then. 406 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:03,843 Time for asked to meet the boys, so boys, out to come. 407 00:20:04,442 --> 00:20:06,617 - All right? - Hurry up, no swearing. 408 00:20:06,737 --> 00:20:08,844 - All right? - Where's your girlfriend, then? 409 00:20:09,004 --> 00:20:10,723 She'll be here in a minute. 410 00:20:11,324 --> 00:20:13,085 Right, we won't hang around, then. 411 00:20:13,205 --> 00:20:16,753 Number one, what's your name and where do you come from? 412 00:20:16,873 --> 00:20:18,923 I'm Nick, I'm from Twickenham... 413 00:20:19,317 --> 00:20:21,254 Have you got a girlfriend?. 414 00:20:22,932 --> 00:20:24,551 - What's her name? - Charlotte. 415 00:20:24,671 --> 00:20:27,644 It's Charlotte Hinchcliffe, actually. She's a Year 13. 416 00:20:27,804 --> 00:20:31,444 - Is she pretty? - She's very pretty, John. 417 00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:33,689 And do you love her? 418 00:20:35,450 --> 00:20:36,804 Yeah, I think I do. 419 00:20:40,309 --> 00:20:41,859 So those are the boys. 420 00:20:42,004 --> 00:20:44,379 Let's meet the lucky lady who gets to choose one of them. 421 00:20:44,499 --> 00:20:46,598 It's Charlotte from Year 13. 422 00:20:50,027 --> 00:20:51,875 Just like your girlfriend. 423 00:20:52,703 --> 00:20:54,731 What's your name and why are you here? 424 00:20:54,851 --> 00:20:57,400 My name's Charlotte Hinchcliffe and I'm here for a bit of fun. 425 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,923 That's your girlfriend. Why is she on a dating thing? 426 00:21:00,394 --> 00:21:02,015 I don't know, John. 427 00:21:02,325 --> 00:21:05,065 Tell us that bit about yourself, and keep it clean. 428 00:21:05,185 --> 00:21:08,189 Well, I'm single. I've been messing around with a few boys 429 00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:11,564 and now I'm looking for a real man who's gonna show me a good time. 430 00:21:11,684 --> 00:21:12,883 I said keep it clean. 431 00:21:13,308 --> 00:21:16,883 I'm looking for a big, strong man who really knows what he's doing. 432 00:21:17,044 --> 00:21:18,769 I won't tell you again. 433 00:21:19,684 --> 00:21:21,283 OK, let's have your first question. 434 00:21:21,444 --> 00:21:23,616 That was the end of my first love affair. 435 00:21:23,736 --> 00:21:25,612 To date, my only love affair. 436 00:21:25,873 --> 00:21:27,643 There was only one thing to do. 437 00:21:27,811 --> 00:21:29,361 Run to my mum and cry. 438 00:21:29,804 --> 00:21:30,926 I'm so sad. 439 00:21:32,668 --> 00:21:34,805 I feel sad. You were right, Mum. 440 00:21:35,345 --> 00:21:38,883 I know it hurts, petal, but it will get better, I promise. 441 00:21:39,624 --> 00:21:42,403 I just started to make friends and I dumped them all for this girl. 442 00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:45,692 Why don't we move you to another school? 443 00:21:45,812 --> 00:21:48,483 - Stop trying to make me move schools. - I don't want you bullied again. 444 00:21:48,603 --> 00:21:49,843 I was not bullied. 445 00:21:58,688 --> 00:22:01,011 Hello, Mrs MacKenzie. Is William in? 446 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:03,852 I'll leave you to it. 447 00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:07,164 What? 448 00:22:07,324 --> 00:22:10,257 Just wanted to know if you wanted to come out? 449 00:22:10,623 --> 00:22:14,505 Neil's date is that weird girl who's taking her A-levels four years early. 450 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:16,013 Turns out she's about 12. 451 00:22:16,133 --> 00:22:17,878 He's at Milwaukee Fried Chicken. 452 00:22:17,998 --> 00:22:20,004 She's so young, her mum's had to go with her. 453 00:22:20,124 --> 00:22:22,985 The three of them are sitting there around a bargain bucket. 454 00:22:23,105 --> 00:22:24,438 You should come. 455 00:22:24,558 --> 00:22:26,472 Actually, that does sound quite funny. 456 00:22:26,592 --> 00:22:28,950 - Mum, I'm off out. - Brilliant. 457 00:22:31,509 --> 00:22:33,600 How's your football friend? 458 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,306 I don't think we're friends any more. 459 00:22:35,426 --> 00:22:38,352 I had to borrow 300 quid to get his car fixed so he won't call the police. 460 00:22:38,472 --> 00:22:40,817 It was amazing. You should have seen it. 461 00:22:40,937 --> 00:22:43,003 He's a really nice bloke, I don't know why I did it. 462 00:22:43,267 --> 00:22:45,223 You've got mental problems? 463 00:22:47,997 --> 00:22:50,629 I learnt many things from my first heartbreak. 464 00:22:50,749 --> 00:22:52,799 I learnt a little about love... 465 00:22:53,125 --> 00:22:54,002 Go away. 466 00:22:54,311 --> 00:22:55,985 A bit about anatomy... 467 00:22:56,364 --> 00:22:58,194 A lot about friendship... 468 00:22:58,314 --> 00:23:00,644 Friend, fucking football friend. 469 00:23:00,804 --> 00:23:03,684 - And nothing about sex... - Will, stop. 470 00:23:04,123 --> 00:23:06,192 Apart from rubbing up against the perineum 471 00:23:06,312 --> 00:23:08,791 doesn't count as losing your virginity. 472 00:23:09,305 --> 00:24:09,542 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org