1 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,025 (Theme music playing) 2 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:58,600 All right, Jim, your quarterlies look very good. 3 00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:00,561 How are things going at the library? 4 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,355 Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it, so... 5 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,525 So you've come to the master for guidance? 6 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,878 (In Chinese accent) Is this what you're saying, grasshopper? 7 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,862 Uh, actually, you called me in here. 8 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:12,072 But, yeah. 9 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,449 All right, well, let me show you how it's done. 10 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,653 Yes, I'd like to speak to your office manager, please. 11 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,454 Yes, hello. This is Michael Scott. 12 00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:20,831 I am the regional manager 13 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,041 of dunder Mifflin paper products. 14 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,373 Just wanted to talk to you 15 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,044 manager a manager. 16 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:30,424 All right, done deal! 17 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,110 (In Irish accent) Thank you very much, sir! 18 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,011 You're gentleman and a scholar. 19 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,222 Oh, I'm sorry. 20 00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:38,765 Okay. I'm sorry. 21 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,225 My mistake. 22 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:41,977 (Clears throat) 23 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,313 That was a woman I was talking to. 24 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:47,149 So... she had a very low voice. 25 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,359 Probably a smoker. 26 00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,361 So... (Clears throat) 27 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:53,905 So that's the way it's done. 28 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,659 I've, uh, I've been at dunder Mifflin for 12 years. 29 00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:00,203 The last four as regional manager. 30 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,581 Uh, if you wanna come through here. 31 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,751 (Clears throat) See, we have the entire floor. 32 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,003 So this is my kingdom, far as the eye can see. 33 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,756 Ah, this is our receptionist, Pam. 34 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,758 (Imitating bam-bam) Pam! Pam, Pam! 35 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,009 Pam beasley. 36 00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:17,721 Uh, Pam has been with us, um, for... forever. 37 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:18,847 Right, Pam? 38 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:19,931 Well, I don't know. 39 00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,117 If you think she's cute now, 40 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,702 you should have seen her a couple of years ago. 41 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,478 (G rowls) What? 42 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:25,896 Uh, any messages? 43 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,232 Um... yeah. Just a fax. 44 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,569 Pam, this is from corporate. 45 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,005 How many times have I told you... I know... 46 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,131 That there's a special filing cabinet 47 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,240 for things from corporate? You haven't told me... 48 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,509 It's called the wastepaper basket! 49 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,494 (Laughs) 50 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,830 Look at that! (Laughs) 51 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,248 Oh, look at that face. 52 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,918 People say I am the best boss. 53 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,419 They go, "god, we've never worked 54 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,671 "in a place like this before. 55 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,547 "You're hilarious. 56 00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,508 "And you get the best out of us." 57 00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,888 I think that pretty much sums it up. 58 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,225 I found it at Spencer gifts. 59 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,770 (Phone ringing) 60 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:10,023 (Singing) Shall I play for you 61 00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:12,192 pa rum pa pum pum 62 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,653 (imitating drums) 63 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,907 I have no gifts for you 64 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,784 pa rum pa pum pum 65 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,786 (imitating drums) 66 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:26,748 My job is to speak to clients, um, on the phone, 67 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:30,043 about, uh, quantities 68 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:34,965 and, uh, type of copier paper. 69 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,552 You know, whether we can supply it to them, 70 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,054 whether they can, uh, 71 00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,389 pay for it. 72 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,141 And, um... 73 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,810 (Clicks tongue) 74 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,939 I'm... I'm boring myself just talking about this. 75 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,070 Wassuup? 76 00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:58,697 Wassuup? 77 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,532 I still love that after seven years. 78 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,033 Vvhasuup? 79 00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:03,952 Vvhasuup? 80 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,538 (Sustained) Whasuup? 81 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,458 Vvhassup? 82 00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:10,751 Oh, wow. 83 00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,589 (Sighs deeply) 84 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,049 (Grunts) 85 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,638 What? 86 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,098 Nothin'. 87 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,808 Okay, all right. 88 00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:27,976 See you later. 89 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,311 All right. 90 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,271 Take care. 91 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,564 Back to work! 92 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,566 (Mouthing) 93 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,196 Woman: Just try to reach him sometime today. 94 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,741 Um, I don't know, just before lunch. That would be great. 95 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,677 Michael: Corporate really doesn't interfere with me at all. 96 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:45,994 Uh, jan Levinson-gould... 97 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,537 Jan! Hello! 98 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,706 I call her Hillary rodham Clinton. 99 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,709 Right? Not to her face, because, uh_. 100 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,419 Well, not because I'm scared of her. 101 00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:57,005 Because I'm not. 102 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,299 But, um, yeah. 103 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:02,153 All right, was there anything you wanted to add to the agenda? 104 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:05,931 Mmm... me no get an agenda. 105 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,141 I'm sor... what? I'm sorry? 106 00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,434 I didn't get any agenda. 107 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,448 Well, I faxed one over to you this morning. 108 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,730 Really? 'Cause it didn't, uh, I didn't... 109 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,857 Did we get a fax this morning? 110 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,400 Uh, yeah, the one... 111 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:21,112 Then why... why isn't it in my hand? 112 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,532 Because a company runs on efficiency of communication. 113 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,200 Right? Just... (Imitates gun firing) 114 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,077 Um, so what's the problem, Pam? 115 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,496 Why didn't, uh... Why didn't I get it? 116 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:31,998 You put it in the garbage can 117 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,084 that was a special filing cabinet. 118 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,464 Yeah! Uh, that was a joke. 119 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,132 That was a joke that, uh, 120 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,592 was actually my brother's. 121 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,718 And it was... (Laughs) 122 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,220 It was supposed to be with bills, 123 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,489 and it doesn't work great with faxes. 124 00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:47,931 Do you wanna lookatnflne? Yeah. 125 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,683 Yeah, I would. Thank you. 126 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,768 Okay, since the last meeting, 127 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,144 Alan and the board have decided 128 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,939 that we can'tjustify a Scranton branch and a Stanford branch. 129 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,148 Oh, okay. 130 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:58,292 No, Michael, don't panic... 131 00:05:58,316 --> 00:05:59,651 No, no, no, no. This is good. 132 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,152 This is good. This is fine, excehent 133 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,380 Michael, listen, okay, don't panic. 134 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,423 Although alarm bells are kinda going ringy, dingy, dingy! 135 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:05,824 We haven't made any decisions yet. 136 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,134 I've spoken to Josh in Stanford. Okay. 137 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,368 I've told him the same as you, 138 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,096 and it's up to either you or him to convince me 139 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,430 that your branch can incorporate the other. 140 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,497 Michael: Okay, no problem. 141 00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,350 This does, however, mean that there's going to be downsizing. 142 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,418 Me no wanna hear that, jan. 143 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,004 Because downsizing is a bitch. 144 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,256 It is a real bitch. 145 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,301 And iwouldn't wish that on Josh's men. 146 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,386 I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men. 147 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,930 Or women, present company excluded. 148 00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:30,390 Sorry, uh... 149 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,893 Is Josh concerned about downsizing, himself? 150 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:34,978 Not downsizing himself, 151 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,501 but is he concerned about downsizing? 152 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:41,610 (Laughs) 153 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:43,486 Question: How long do we have to act... 154 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,822 (Telephone rings) 155 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,116 Oh, Todd packer. Terrific rep. 156 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,799 Do you mind if I take it? Go right ahead. 157 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:51,828 Packman. 158 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,038 Todd: Hey, you big queen! 159 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,789 Oh, that's not appropriate. 160 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:57,334 Hey, is old godzillary coming in today? 161 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,020 Um, I don't know. I don't know what you mean. 162 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:02,088 Look, I've been meaning to ask her one question. 163 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,757 Does the carpet match the drapes? 164 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,091 Oh, my god! 165 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,760 Ohh! 166 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,387 That's horrifying. 167 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,140 And horrible. 168 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,434 Horrible person. 169 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,647 So do you think we could keep a lid on this for now? 170 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,440 I don't wanna worry people unnecessarily. 171 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:21,691 No, absolutely. 172 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,068 Under this regime, 173 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,653 it will not leave this office. 174 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,029 Just like that. 175 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,573 (Whispering) So what does downsizing actually mean? 176 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:29,658 Well... 177 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,385 (Whispering) You guys gotta update your resumes, 178 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:32,535 just like I'm doing. 179 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,162 I bet it's gonna be me. 180 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,747 It's probably gonna be me. 181 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:37,874 Yeah, it'll be you. 182 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,310 I have an important question for you. 183 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,418 Yes? 184 00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:43,171 Um, are you going to Angela's cat party on Sunday? 185 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,673 Yeah. Stop. 186 00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,132 That is ridiculous. 187 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,069 Michael: Am I gonna tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. 188 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,293 I don't see the point of that. 189 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:53,014 As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer. 190 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,184 Hey! Pam: This is Mr. Scott. 191 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,186 Guilty! Guilty as charged. 192 00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,646 Ryan Howard from the temp agency. 193 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:00,730 Uh-huh. 194 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,124 Daniqua sent me down to start today. 195 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,317 Howard, like moe Howard, three stooges. 196 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,361 Watch this, this is moe. 197 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:07,862 Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck! 198 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:10,281 Meeeeh! (Laughs) 199 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,200 Ah, right here. Three stooges. 200 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,785 High five! Oh, Pam. 201 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,161 It's a guy thing, Pam. 202 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,579 I'm sort of a student of comedy. 203 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,791 Watch this. Here you go. 204 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,210 (Imitating German) 205 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,591 (Laughing) I'm Hitler! 206 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,343 Adolf Hitler... 207 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,095 (Continues imitating German) 208 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,572 I don't think it would be the worst thing 209 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:34,889 if they let me go. 210 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:37,684 Because then I might... 211 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,246 I just, I don't think it's many little girls' dream 212 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,438 to be a receptionist. 213 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,607 Um, I like to do illustrations. 214 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,819 Um, mostly watercolor. 215 00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,739 A few oil pencil. Um... 216 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,866 Jim thinks they're good. 217 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,659 Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. 218 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,537 Sure. Uh, Mr. Davis, let me call you right back. 219 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,289 Yeah, something just came up. Two minutes. 220 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,665 Thank you very much. 221 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,709 Dwight, what are you doing? 222 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,335 What? What are you doing? 223 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,254 Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate. 224 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,589 It's not on your desk. 225 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,632 It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. 226 00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:13,428 One word, two syllables. Demarcation. 227 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,480 You can't do that. Why not? 228 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,567 Safety violation. I could fall and Pierce 229 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,860 an organ. 230 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,071 We'll see. 231 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,327 See, this is why the whole downsizing thing 232 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,770 just doesn't bother me. Downsizing? 233 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,330 Downsizing? 234 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,873 Yeah, I have no problem with that. 235 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:45,085 I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. 236 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,004 I even brought it up in my interview. 237 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,799 I say bring it on. 238 00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:54,153 Pam: You just still have these messages from yesterday. 239 00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:56,096 Relax, everything's under control. 240 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,473 Uh, yeah, yeah. There we go, yeah. 241 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,266 Oh, that's important. Right. 242 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,937 Oh, this is so important I should run to answer it. 243 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,522 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 244 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,899 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 245 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:10,068 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 246 00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,237 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 247 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,197 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 248 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,991 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 249 00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:21,996 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 250 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:24,374 What? 251 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,167 (Laughing) Come on! 252 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,669 Six million dollar man! 253 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,920 Steve Austin! 254 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,381 Actually, that would be a good salary for me, 255 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,466 don't you think? $6 million? 256 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,969 Memo to jan. I deserve a raise. 257 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,428 Don't we all? 258 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,055 I'm sorry? 259 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,599 It's nothing. 260 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,602 If you're unhappy with your compensation, 261 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,729 maybe you should take it up with hr. 262 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,482 Okay? Not today, okay? 263 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,568 Pam, just be professional. 264 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,071 (Sighs) 265 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,717 Michael: I think I'm a role model here. 266 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,493 I think I garner people's respect. 267 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,371 Attention all dunder Mifflin employees, please. 268 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:06,291 We have a meeting in the conference room asap. 269 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,960 People I respect, heroes of mine, would be... 270 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:10,962 Bob hope. 271 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,133 Um... Abraham Lincoln. 272 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,969 Definitely. 273 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:19,679 Bono. 274 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,475 Uh, and probably god 275 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,145 would be the fourth one. 276 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:29,439 And I just think 277 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,690 all those people 278 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,027 really helped the world 279 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,778 in so many ways 280 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,907 that it's, um... 281 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,451 It's really beyond words. 282 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,372 It's really incalcalacable. 283 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,267 Now, I know there are some rumors out there, 284 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,977 andljusthnda anna set the record straight... uh, uh, uh_. 285 00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:51,812 I'm assistant regional manager. I should know first. 286 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,379 Assistant to the regional manager. 287 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,173 Okay, um, can you just tell me, please? 288 00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,050 Just tell me quietly. Whisper it in my ear. 289 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,527 I'm just about to tell everyone. 290 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,261 Man: Can't you just tell us... Please! 291 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:01,679 Okay? Do you want me to tell them? 292 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,015 You don't know what it is. (Chuckles) 293 00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:05,658 Okay, you tell them. With my permission. 294 00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,203 I don't need... permission granted. Go ahead. 295 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,188 Corporate has deemed it appropriate 296 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:13,191 to enforce an ultimatum upon me. 297 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,069 And, uh, jan is thinking about downsizing 298 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,863 either the Stanford branch or this branch. 299 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,491 I heard they might be closing this branch down. 300 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,159 That's just... 301 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,262 That's just the rumor going around. 302 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,555 This is my first day, I don't really know. 303 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,539 Yeah, but, Michael, what if they downsize here? 304 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:29,707 Michael: Not gonna happen. 305 00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,310 Stanley: It could be out of your hands, Michael. 306 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:34,045 It won't be out of my hands, Stanley, okay? 307 00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:35,129 I promise you that. 308 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,256 Oh, can you promise that? 309 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,590 On his mother's grave. 310 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:38,883 Well... 311 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,262 Vveh, yeah, hsapmmse 312 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,055 and, frankly, I'm a little bit insulted 313 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,266 that you have to keep asking about it. 314 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:47,701 Stanley: It's just that we need to know. 315 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:50,478 I... I know. Hold on a second. 316 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:51,956 I think Pam wanted to say something. 317 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,190 Pam, you, uh, 318 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:58,361 had a look that you wanted to ask a question just now. 319 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,739 I was in the meeting with jan, 320 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:05,618 and she did say that it could be this branch that gets the axe. 321 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,370 Stanley: Are you sure about that? 322 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:08,705 Look, Pam... 323 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,123 Uh, maybe you should stick 324 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:13,501 to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings. 325 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,545 Pam, information is power. 326 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,400 So you can't say for sure whether it's gonna be us or them, can you? 327 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:21,259 No, no, no, no. Stanley, no. 328 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:23,386 You did not see me in there with her. 329 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,597 I said, "if, uh, if corporate 330 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,766 "wants to come in here and interfere, 331 00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,727 "then they're gonna have to go through me. 332 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,688 "Right? You know, you can go mess with Josh's people. 333 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,523 "But I'm the head of this family, 334 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,318 "and you ain't gonna be messin' with my chillun'." 335 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,493 If! Left, what would I do with 336 00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:51,414 all this useless information in my head? 337 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:55,293 You know? Tonnage price of Manila folders? 338 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,379 Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt, 339 00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,589 which is mixed Berry. 340 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:05,585 Pam: Jim said "mixed berries"? 341 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,433 Oh, well, yeah, he's on to me. 342 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,685 Um... (Chuckles) 343 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,896 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch out for this guy. 344 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,606 Dwight schrute in the building. 345 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:17,750 This is Ryan, the new temp. 346 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:18,894 What's up? Nice to meet you. 347 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,234 Introduce yourself. Be polite. 348 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:21,361 Uh, Dwight schrute, 349 00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:22,653 assistant regional manager. 350 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,697 Assistant to the regional manager. 351 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,575 So, uh, Dwight, tell him about the kung fu 352 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,118 and the car and everything. 353 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:32,246 Uh, yeah, I got a '782802. 354 00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:33,766 I bought it for $1200, fixed it up. 355 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:34,850 It's now worth three grand. 356 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:35,917 That is his profit. 357 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,585 Yeah, uh, new engine, suspension. 358 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,128 I got a respray. I got some photos. 359 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,631 Oh! Damn it! 360 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,341 Okay. Damnflll. 361 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,426 Hold on, hold on. Judge is in session. 362 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,844 What is the problem here? 363 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,721 He put my stuff in jell-o again! 364 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:51,182 (Pam laughing) 365 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,202 Dwight: That's real professional. Thanks. 366 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,787 This is the third time, and it wasn't funny 367 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:55,871 the first two times either, Jim! 368 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:56,896 It's okay here. 369 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,357 Uh, but people sometimes take advantage 370 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,733 because it's so relaxed. 371 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,362 I'm a volunteer sheriff's deputy on the weekends. 372 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,198 And you cannot screw around there. 373 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,492 It's sort of one of the rules. 374 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,387 Michael: (Laughing) What is that? That's my stapler. 375 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,704 No, no, no! Do not take it out. 376 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:15,057 You have to eat it out of there, 377 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,921 because there are starving people in the world, 378 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,000 and, which I hate, 379 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,877 and it it is a waste of that kind of food. 380 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,313 Okay. You know what? You can be a witness. 381 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:22,537 Can you reprimand him, please? 382 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:25,633 How do you know it was me? 383 00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:26,717 Dwight: It's always you. 384 00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:28,070 Are you gonna discipline him or not? 385 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,929 Ooh, discipline, kinky! 386 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,307 All right, here's the deal, you guys. 387 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,471 Thing about a practical joke is that you have to know 388 00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:38,104 when to start as well as when to stop. Dwight: Yeah. 389 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:41,441 And, yeah, Jim, now is the time 390 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:45,027 to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into jell-o. 391 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,156 (Clears throat) Okay. 392 00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:49,991 Dwight, I'm sorry, because 393 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,493 I have always been your biggest flan. 394 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,788 (Laughing) Nice! 395 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,040 That's the way it is around here. 396 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,726 It just kind of goes round and round and round. 397 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,836 You, uh, you should have put him in "custardy." 398 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,546 Oh, hey! Yes! 399 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,299 New guy! And he scores. 400 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,467 Okay, that's great. 401 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,427 I guess what I'm most concerned with 402 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,804 is damage to company property. 403 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,514 That's all. 404 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,811 Pudding. 405 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,521 Putting. 406 00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,106 I'm trying to think 407 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,858 what other dessert to do. 408 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:25,485 (Chuckles) 409 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:28,738 Do you like going out at the end of the week for a drink? 410 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:29,906 Yeah. 411 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,782 Well, that's why we're all going out. 412 00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,302 So that we can have an end-of-the-week drink. 413 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,368 So when are we going out? 414 00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:35,828 I don't know. Tonight, hopefully. 415 00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,079 Okay, yeah. 416 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,917 Hey, man. 417 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,126 What's going on? 418 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,336 Hey. Hi, baby. 419 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,171 Uh, Roy is my fiance. 420 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,089 We've been engaged about, um... 421 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,217 About three years. 422 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:52,345 And, uh, we were supposed to get married in September, 423 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,931 but I think we're gonna get married in the spring. 424 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:59,727 Do you mind if I go out for a drink with these guys? 425 00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,437 Uh, no, no, come on. 426 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,439 Let's get out of here, gohome. 427 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,899 Okay, um, I'm gonna be 428 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,317 a few minutes, though. 429 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,194 It's only 20 past 5:00. 430 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,820 I still have to do my faxes. 431 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,827 You know what? You should come with us. 432 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,430 Because, you know, we're all going out, 433 00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,248 and it could be a good chance for you to 434 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:21,975 see what people are like outside of the office. 435 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,584 You know, I think it could be fun. 436 00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:24,794 No, it sounds good. 437 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:25,962 Oh, no. 438 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,255 Seriously, we gotta get going. 439 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,589 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 440 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,435 Um... what's in the, uh... What's in the bag? 441 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,540 Just tell her I'll talk to her later. 442 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,041 No, definitely. All right, dude, awesome. 443 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,191 Will do. 444 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:54,323 Do I think I'll be invited to the wedding? 445 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,376 So, uh, have you felt a vibe yet? 446 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,253 We work hard, we play hard. 447 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,398 Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard. 448 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,506 Right? 449 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,759 Um, I guess the atmosphere that I've created here 450 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:16,012 is that I'm a friend first 451 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,680 and a boss second. 452 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,515 Probably, uh... (Knock on door) 453 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,683 Entertainer third. 454 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,602 Just a second! Right? 455 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,563 Oh, hey, do you, uh... 456 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,065 Do you like the Jamie Kennedy experiment? 457 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,026 Yeah. Yeah. Punk'd and all that kind of stuff? 458 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,361 Okay, um, you are gonna be my accomplice. 459 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,738 Just go along with it, okay? 460 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,156 All right. Just follow my lead. 461 00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:37,158 Don't pimp me, all right? Come in! 462 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:40,494 So, uh, corporatejust said that I don't want to... you got a fax. 463 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:41,662 Oh, thank you, Pam. 464 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,914 Pam, can you come in here for a sec? 465 00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,416 Just have a seat. 466 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,751 I was gonna call you in anyway. 467 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,045 Um, you know Ryan. 468 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:53,549 Um, as you know, there's going to be downsizing. 469 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:57,887 And you have made my life so much easier 470 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:02,224 in that I am going to have to let you go first. 471 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,602 What? Why? 472 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,896 Why? Well, theft. 473 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,230 And stealing. 474 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,357 Stealing? 475 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,483 Mmm-hmm. 476 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,735 Um, what am I supposed to have stolen? 477 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,904 Post-it notes. 478 00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:17,031 Post-it notes? Yeah. 479 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,866 What are those worth, like, 50 cents? 480 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,952 50 cents, yeah. You steal 1,000 post-it notes at 50 cents apiece, 481 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:25,498 and, you know, you've made a profit margin. 482 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,875 You know, gonna run us out of business, Pam. 483 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,543 Are you serious? 484 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,089 Yeah, I, um... 485 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,257 Oh, my... I can't believe this. 486 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:38,427 I mean, I've never even stolen as much as a paper clip, 487 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,471 and now you're firing me. 488 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,265 And the best thing about it is that, uh, 489 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,935 we're not gonna have to give you any severance pay. 490 00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:51,065 Because that is gross misconduct, and, uh... 491 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,817 So just clean out your desk. 492 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,402 I'm sorry. 493 00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:01,867 (Sniffling) 494 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,963 You've been "xed," punk! (Laughs) 495 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,673 Surprise! It's a joke! 496 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,049 We were joking around! 497 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,259 (Laughs) See? 498 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:19,969 Okay, he was in on it. 499 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,178 He was my accomplice. 500 00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:24,640 And it was just kind of a morale booster thing. 501 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,977 And we were showing the new guy around, kind of... 502 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,062 Kind of giving him the feel of the place. 503 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,481 So you sh... 504 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,567 God, you were... We totally got you... 505 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,735 You're a jerk! 506 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,863 I don't know about that. 507 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,715 What is the most important thing for a company? 508 00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:01,761 Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? 509 00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,220 Nuh-uh. 510 00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:06,015 It's the people. 511 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:08,142 The people. 512 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,186 My proudest moment here 513 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,105 was not when I increased profits by 17%. 514 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,733 Or when I cut expenses 515 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,276 without losing a single employee. 516 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,986 No, no, no, no, no. 517 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:20,905 It was a young Guatemalan guy. 518 00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,950 Firstjob in the country, barely spoke English. 519 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,328 Came to me and said, 520 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,705 (in Spanish accent) "Mr. Scott, 521 00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:33,417 "would you be the godfather of my child?" 522 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,755 Wow. Wow. 523 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:40,382 Wow. 524 00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:45,262 Didn't work out in the end. 525 00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:46,806 We had to let him go. He sucked. 526 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,020 (Sniffles) 527 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,104 Hey. 528 00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:55,773 Hey. 529 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:56,941 Good. How are you? 530 00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:58,943 I thought you were going out for a drink with... 531 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,778 Oh, no, no. 532 00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:03,405 Just going to, uh... 533 00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:04,824 How's your headache? 534 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,534 It's better. Thanks. Good. 535 00:22:06,617 --> 00:22:07,952 Good, that's great. 536 00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:09,495 Is, uh_ yeah? 537 00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:11,539 Um, are you, uh... 538 00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:13,582 Am I walking out? 539 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:14,875 Yes. (Laughs) 540 00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,377 Yes. Do you wanna? 541 00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,379 Yeah. Great. 542 00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:20,130 Let me just... (Car horn honks) 543 00:22:20,214 --> 00:22:21,715 Yeah. Oh, Roy 544 00:22:21,799 --> 00:22:23,133 listen, have a nice weekend. 545 00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:25,636 Yeah, definitely. You, too. 546 00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:27,346 Enjoy it. 547 00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:29,431 (Door opens) 548 00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:31,809 (Door closes) 549 00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:41,068 Uh... you know, just come here.