1 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,139 Michael: Pam! 2 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,559 Pamela, Pam-a-lama-ding-dong. 3 00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:00,143 Making copies. 4 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:01,937 I'm not making any copies. 5 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,773 Let's go! Messages, stat. 6 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:06,233 Lots to do, lots to do. 7 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,568 Information superhighway. 8 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,128 Nothing new. Lay them on moi. What? 9 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,195 There's nothing new. 10 00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:11,738 That's not what you said earlier. 11 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,574 Oh, do you want me to repeat the messages 12 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,826 that I gave you before for the... 13 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,416 The most sacred thing I do is care, 14 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,210 and provide for my workers, my family. 15 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:28,672 I give them money. I give them food. 16 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,800 Not directly, but through the money. 17 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,803 I heal them. 18 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,222 Today, I am in charge 19 00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:40,309 of picking a great new healthcare plan. 20 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,560 Right? 21 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,312 That's what this is all about. 22 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,231 Does that make me their doctor? 23 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:50,861 Yes, 24 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,904 in a way. 25 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,281 Yeah, like a specialist. 26 00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:00,746 So which health plan have you decided on? 27 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,040 I am going to go with the best, jan. 28 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,334 I am going to go with the one 29 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:08,253 with the acupuncture, therapeutic massage... 30 00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:09,463 You know, the works. 31 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:10,631 Wait, acupuncture? Mmm-hmm. 32 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,716 None of the plans have acupuncture. 33 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,551 Have you looked at them closely, Michael? 34 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,595 Oh, well, I think it was you 35 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,806 who didn't look closely enough at the gold plan. 36 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,141 The gold plan? Yep. 37 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,976 I'm not even on that plan. 38 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,162 Well, I'd recommend it. Michael... 39 00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:25,395 It's very good. 40 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,626 You gotta crack these things open. 41 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,734 You know, the whole reason 42 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,819 that we're doing this is to save money. 43 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,090 You just need to pick a provider, 44 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:37,616 and then choose the cheapest plan. 45 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,954 Well, that is a kind of a tough assignment. 46 00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:47,143 Um, it's not gonna be a popular decision... it's your job, so... 47 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,794 Around the old orifice. 48 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,171 I... well, it's a suicide mission, you know? 49 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,965 Michael... I... I don't... 50 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,926 Uh, maybe, lmean_. Theyte_.Theyte_. 51 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,845 You know, sometimes a manager, like yourself, 52 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,889 has to deliver the bad news to the employees. 53 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,474 I do it all the time. 54 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,077 Oh, When have you ever done that? 55 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,812 I'm doing it right now. To you. 56 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,358 Last night on trading spouses, 57 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,734 there's... have you seen it? 58 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,194 No, I have a life. 59 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,821 Interesting. What's that like? 60 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,072 You should try it some time. 61 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,323 Wow. 62 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,325 But then, who would watch my TV? 63 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:21,785 That's sort of, like a... 64 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,412 Michael: Jimbo! 65 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,164 Ha, ha, ha. 66 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,793 There's a decision that needs to be made. 67 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,170 And I'm having an unbelievably busy day. 68 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:37,342 Um, so I am going to let you pick a healthcare plan 69 00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:41,722 for our office and then explain it to your coworkers. 70 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,307 Gosh. 71 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,559 Yeah! 72 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,894 That is a great offer. Yeesh. 73 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,146 Thank you. 74 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:53,316 I really think I should be concentrating on sales. 75 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,318 Yeah. Really? 76 00:03:55,569 --> 00:04:00,323 I just don't think that this is the kind of task that I 77 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,742 am going to do. 78 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,493 You know who would be great for this? 79 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,996 Anytime Michael asks me to do anything, 80 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,789 I just tell him that Dwight should do it. 81 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:11,001 Yes! I can do it. I'm your man. 82 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,128 Right now, this is just a job. 83 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:17,174 If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career. 84 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,844 And, uh... well, if this were my career, 85 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,431 I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. 86 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,601 Okay, first, let's go over some parameters. 87 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,478 How many people can I fire? 88 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,188 Uh... none. 89 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:32,814 You're picking a healthcare plan. 90 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,877 Okay, we'll table that for the time being. 91 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,444 Two, I'm gonna need an office. 92 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,130 I think the conference room should be fine. 93 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:42,073 You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace. 94 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,492 Yes! I have an office. 95 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:45,952 Bigger than his. 96 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,120 You cannot use it. 97 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,724 Okay, I take it back. It's a workspace. 98 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,624 Temporary workspace. You can use it. 99 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:53,293 Thank you. 100 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,338 If Dwight fails, then that is strike two. 101 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,173 And good for me for, uh, 102 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,175 for giving him a second chance. 103 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,552 And if he succeeds, then, you know, 104 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,262 no one'll be prouder than I am. 105 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,430 Igroomed him. 106 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,057 I made him what he is today. 107 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,644 Unless he fails. 108 00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:12,229 And, uh... 109 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,480 Talked about that already. 110 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,110 Dwight: What did I do? 111 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,237 I did my job. 112 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,531 I slashed benefits to the bone. 113 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,157 I saved this company money. 114 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,284 Was I too harsh? Maybe. 115 00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,662 I don't believe in coddling people. 116 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,915 In the wild, there is no healthcare. 117 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,000 In the wild, healthcare is... 118 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,585 "Ow, I hurt my leg. 119 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:38,964 "I can't run. A lion eats me. And I'm dead." 120 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,092 Well, I'm not dead. 121 00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:44,678 I'm the lion. 122 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,972 You're dead. 123 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,644 Stanley: There's no dental, 124 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:55,480 there's no vision, there's a $1,200 deductible. 125 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,861 Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. 126 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,029 Pam, Michael Scott. How's tricks? 127 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,574 Where are you? 128 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,909 Oh, I am in my office. 129 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,119 I am swamped. 130 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,788 I have work up to my ears. 131 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,999 I'm busy, busy, busy. Busy, can't step away. 132 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:18,295 I just wanted to check in and see how everybody's doing. 133 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,421 Everybody cool out there? 134 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,798 Um, actually, people are really unhappy. 135 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,384 Um, Dwight sent around this memo, and... 136 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,136 Oh, Pam, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 137 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,096 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I... I... I gotta go. 138 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,723 I'm gettin' a call. 139 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:30,849 No, you're not. 140 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,604 I have to make a call after I finish my work. 141 00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:36,897 You know what? 142 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,232 Um, just don't let anybody in my office 143 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,400 under any conditions today. 144 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:44,321 I'm just too busy, too swamped, you know? 145 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,198 I am unreachable. I am incommunicado, capisce? 146 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,325 Pam: Okay. 147 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,827 Thank you. Oh, got... Here we go again. 148 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,746 Gotta go. I have to take this. 149 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,581 Still no one calling. 150 00:06:58,627 --> 00:06:59,628 Pam: Dwight... 151 00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:00,795 Dwight: Uh, knock. 152 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,356 Pam: What is this... Please. Please knock. 153 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,381 This is an office. 154 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:04,966 It says "workspace." Same thing. 155 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,552 If it's the same thing, then why did you write "workspace"? 156 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,722 Just knock, please, okay? 157 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,265 A sign of respect for your superior. 158 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,350 You are not my superior. 159 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,247 Oh, gee, then why do I have an office? 160 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,228 Okay. I thought it was a workspace, Dwight. 161 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:20,815 Dwight, are you really in charge of picking the healthcare plan? 162 00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,692 Yes, and my decision is final. 163 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,819 This is a ridiculously awful plan, 164 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,404 because you out everything. 165 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,782 Oh, times are tough, Pam. Deal with it. 166 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,784 Sure. You cut more than you had to, didn't you? 167 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,118 Well, why did you do that? 168 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,679 You work here. Don't you want good insurance? 169 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,205 Don't need it. Never been sick. 170 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,289 Perfect immune system. 171 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,124 Okay, well, if you've never been sick, 172 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,568 then you don't have any antibodies. 173 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,752 I don't need them. 174 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,254 Superior genes. I'm a schrute. 175 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:44,714 And superior brain power. 176 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,927 Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. 177 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,317 Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol? 178 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,974 So I can lower it. 179 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,603 He literally won't come out of his office. 180 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,106 He's gotta come out sometime. 181 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,651 To go to the bathroom. 182 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,153 Kevin. That's inappropriate. 183 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,200 Michael, can I talk to you? 184 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:15,328 Uh, uh, I would love to, but I am really busy. 185 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,705 Rain check? 186 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:17,831 Meredith: Uh, Michael? 187 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,333 Michael, please. Can we talk about this memo? 188 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,919 Uh, what... which, uh... Which memo? 189 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,772 Dwight's healthcare memo. I told you about it. 190 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,631 Good plan? It's a great plan. 191 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,216 Saves the company a fortune. 192 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,676 It's like a pay decrease. 193 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,177 Michael, he made huge cuts. 194 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,387 Cuts? What? 195 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,264 Wow, Dwight, did you make cuts? 196 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,766 Yeah. Yousam to go out and trim... no, no, no, no, no. 197 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:37,976 You know what? 198 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:40,353 I said nothing specific, because I was so busy. 199 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,522 Why don't you go in there, Dwight, 200 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:46,151 and find these people a plan that'll work for them, okay? 201 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,318 Dwight: I can handle it. 202 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,195 Michael: Okay? All right. 203 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,406 Everybody feel good? 204 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,907 All right. Good. 205 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,705 Plus, there's some other good news. 206 00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,625 Today, at the end of the day, 207 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,420 I will have, for all of you, 208 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:07,839 a big surprise. 209 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,383 Okay? So hang in there. 210 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,302 And I will see you at the end of the day. 211 00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:14,429 All right? 212 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,022 This is not good. 213 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,482 It's ridiculous. 214 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,317 Did you talk to him? 215 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,651 What was that? 216 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,945 You let him walk all over you. It's just pathetic. 217 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,339 Kevin: What are you guys talking about? 218 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,032 Angela: Nothing, Kevin. 219 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,534 Do I know what the surprise is? Hell, no! 220 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:37,994 Doesn't matter. 221 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,871 The point is they're not unhappy anymore. 222 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,456 They're out there thinking, 223 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,458 "wow, my boss really cares about me. 224 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,377 "He has a surprise. He's cool. 225 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:47,921 "Hey, what a great guy. 226 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,631 "I love him. 227 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,675 "I love him." 228 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,679 Okay, everyone, gather 'round. 229 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,226 Step forward. 230 00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:05,313 It has been brought to my attention 231 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,107 that some of you are unhappy with my plan. 232 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,818 So what I'd like you to do is to fill this out, 233 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,319 and write down any diseases you have 234 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,463 that you might want covered, 235 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,030 andlwlsee what I can do. 236 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,365 Hey, you know what, Dwight? 237 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,759 We can't write our diseases down for you, 238 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,535 because that's confidential. Okay. 239 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,121 Well, I didn't say to write your name down, did I? 240 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,914 Fill it out, leave it anonymous. 241 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:25,834 Or don't write any disease down at all, and it won't be covered. 242 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,086 Sound fair? Good. All right, I'll be in my office. 243 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,379 Jim: Workspace. 244 00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,340 You know what? Come with me. 245 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,218 We are going on a little mission. 246 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,886 Operation surprise. 247 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,140 Pam: Where are you going? 248 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,685 Headed out, part of my busy day. 249 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,937 You know, meetings. 250 00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:50,150 Couldn't find the knob. 251 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,487 Michael: So basically, I want to do 252 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,489 something nice for my employees. 253 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,658 Atlantic city, okay? 254 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:02,453 They have this thing where they send a bus, right, for free. 255 00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:04,706 Picks everybody up, you head down there, 256 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,541 get to the hotel, room is comped, 257 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,168 and they give you a big pile of chips. 258 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,794 And your food, everything, 259 00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:13,673 just kind of all inclusive, free kind of weekend. 260 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,450 I don't know of anything like that. 261 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,468 But, um, you know what you might want to do 262 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,888 is just call those casinos directly, uh, maybe... 263 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,306 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 264 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,975 Well, I did. So... 265 00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:38,072 Wait, what are you writing? 266 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,533 Don't write "ebola" or "mad cow disease." 267 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,327 All right? 268 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,681 'Cause I'm suffering from both of them. 269 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,373 I'm inventing new diseases. 270 00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,125 Oh, great. So, like, 271 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,586 let's say that my teeth turn to liquid. Mmm-hmm. 272 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,088 And then they drip down the back of my throat. 273 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,256 What would you call that? 274 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,109 I thought you said you were inventing diseases. 275 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,010 That's spontaneous dento-hydroplosion. 276 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,222 Hhce. Thank you. 277 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:03,556 Michael: Calling to ask you 278 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,516 a little favorooni, my friend. 279 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,646 Um, trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost. 280 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,106 And I was thinking that maybe we could 281 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:15,818 take 'em down to take a spin on your big ride. 282 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,009 Man: You mean the elevator 283 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,340 that takes you down into the mineshaft? 284 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,199 It's not really a ride. 285 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,244 Uh, it says here that it's a... 286 00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,371 A 300-foot drop. 287 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,581 Well, it goes 300 feet in the earth, 288 00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,124 but it moves really slowly. 289 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,253 So it's not a free fall? 290 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,755 It's an industrial coal elevator. 291 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,843 All right, well, once you get down into the mine, 292 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:44,597 what do you... you got laser tag or something? 293 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,891 Okay, okay, so I don't know what the surprise is. 294 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,518 Am I worried? No. 295 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,603 No way. And see, I thrive on this. 296 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,647 This is my world. This is improv. 297 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,274 This is whose line is itanyway? 298 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,276 Dwight: Damn it! 299 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,657 All right. Who did this? 300 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,052 I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it, so I can punish them. 301 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,327 What are you talking about? 302 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:10,290 Uh, someone, uh, forged medical information, and that is a felony. 303 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,374 Okay, whoa. 304 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,727 All right, 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. 305 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,271 Yeah. How do you know that they're fake? 306 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,255 Uh, "leprosy. 307 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,259 "Flesh-eating bacteria. 308 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:23,886 "Hot dog fingers." 309 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:29,100 "Government-created killer nano-robot infection." 310 00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:31,912 You did this, didn't you? Absolutely not. 311 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,062 Yes, you did. No, ldidn't. 312 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,873 I know it was you. Okay, fine, you know what? 313 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,066 I'm gonna have to interview each and every one of you 314 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,694 until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. 315 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,446 And until that time, 316 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,784 there will be no healthcare coverage for anyone! 317 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:48,786 Killer nano-robots? 318 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,538 It's an epidemic. 319 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,585 Mmm-hmm. The problem, Jim... 320 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,754 Is that people who are really suffering 321 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,088 from a medical condition 322 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,798 won't receive the care they need, 323 00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:03,343 because someone in this office 324 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,845 is coming up with all this ridiculous stuff. 325 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,473 Count choculitis. 326 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,183 Sounds tough. 327 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,185 Why did you write that down, Jim? 328 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,354 Is it because you know I love count chocula? 329 00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,480 Do you? 330 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,899 I think you need to confess. 331 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,776 Mmnpmnm. Thefact_ 332 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,319 What are you doing? 333 00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,737 What? Those are my keys. 334 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,364 Good luck. Wha... Jim! 335 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,074 Damn it! No! 336 00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:27,617 Jim, let me out! 337 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,743 Jim! Let... 338 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,163 The light gray, the green... 339 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,379 Jim Halpert. 340 00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,880 Let me out. Who is this? 341 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,024 Let me out, or you're fired. 342 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,049 No. You can't fire me. 343 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,926 Yes, I can. I'm manager for the day. 344 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,177 Mmm-hmm. Clean out your desk. 345 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,345 Okay. 346 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,468 Can you hold on one second? I'm getting a, uh, beep. 347 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,768 Jim Halpert. Hey, Jim, it's Pam. 348 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:56,396 Hey, Pam. How are ya? 349 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,332 Good, how are you? Are you busy? Dwight: Jim, open the door! 350 00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,542 I'm doing okay. Gettin' excited for the weekend, though. 351 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,960 Pam: Yeah. Yeah, what are you up to? 352 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,195 Um, I'm not bothering you, aml? No, not at all. 353 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,506 You don't have anything you're doing? 354 00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:06,864 I have nothing to do. Oh, great. 355 00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,783 Jim! Um, yeah, no, this weekend, nothing. 356 00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:10,660 I'm not really doing anything. Jim! 357 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,245 Might go to the mail. The mail? 358 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,830 I need new shoes. Oh, interesting. 359 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,415 What kind of shoes? 360 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:17,834 Jan: Hello? 361 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,252 Uh, heho, uh_. 362 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,712 This is Dwight schrute calling for jan Levinson-gould. 363 00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:23,423 This is jan. 364 00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:25,508 Hi, Dwight schrute calling, 365 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,218 acting manager, Scranton branch. 366 00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,846 Listen, I needed your permission to fire Jim Halpert. 367 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,014 Who is this? 368 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,599 Dwight schrute. 369 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:34,934 From sales? 370 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,602 Well... where's Michael Scott? 371 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,272 Uh, he is not here right now. 372 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,107 He put me in charge of the office. 373 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,860 Dwight, listen to me very carefully. 374 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:47,155 You are not a manager of anything, understand? 375 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,782 That's not entirely true, 376 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,159 because he put me in charge 377 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,618 of picking the healthcare plan. 378 00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,120 Really? 379 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,413 Okay. Yeah. 380 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,766 When Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately. 381 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,017 Call you immediately. Good. Yes. 382 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,126 Oh, hey, listen. 383 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,212 Um, since I have you on the phone, um... 384 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,297 Can I fire Jim? 385 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,720 And, please, don't use my cell phone ever again. 386 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:08,819 Oh, this is your... 387 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,887 I thought this was your... 388 00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:18,102 Michael: Hey, hey, everybody. 389 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,897 Ice cream sandwiches! Ahhh! 390 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,399 Here you go. Take one, take one. 391 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,984 It's all good. Phyllis, think fast! 392 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,111 Ya boom! Oh, oh, I see Angela. 393 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,738 Right? Angela, wah! 394 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,240 Hey, temp. 395 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,451 Why don't you take two? 396 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,286 Because you don't get healthcare 397 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,246 and, uh, faster metabolism. 398 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,082 Did you get the kind with the cookies instead of the... 399 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,667 Why don't you just eat it, okay? 400 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:45,087 And here you go, Stanley the manly. 401 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,172 Oh, thanks. 402 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:47,256 There you go. 403 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,700 This isn't the big surprise, is it? 404 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,135 Because we've been having a pretty horrible day. 405 00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,137 Uh_.nope. Nope. 406 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,014 This isn't the surprise. 407 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:58,768 It's surprising, um, because you didn't expect it. 408 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:02,021 But you will... you'll know it when you see it. 409 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,648 Dwight: Michael! 410 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,066 Michael! 411 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,444 Oh, for god's sake. 412 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,622 I tried being rational. 413 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,165 Okay? And what happened? 414 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:22,667 The employees went crazy. 415 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,126 I got no help from corporate. 416 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,628 So that leaves me with no options. 417 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,631 I'm now gonna read aloud your submitted medical conditions. 418 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,050 When you hear yours read, please raise your hand 419 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,343 to indicate that it is real. 420 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,626 If you do not raise your hand, 421 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,304 it will not be covered. 422 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,014 What about confidentiality? 423 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:40,017 You know what? You have forfeited that privilege. 424 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,353 Ihavetded to treat you all as adults, 425 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,897 but obviously, I am the only adult here. 426 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,316 Number one. Inverted penis. 427 00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:54,949 Could you mean vagina? 428 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:58,327 Because if you do, I want that covered. 429 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,731 I thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy. 430 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,624 The uterus is different from a vagina. 431 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:05,960 I still have a vagina. 432 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:18,598 Oh, my... 433 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,143 Okay. Great. 434 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,228 Dermatitis. Thank you, Angela. 435 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,063 I'll make sure that's covered. 436 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:30,484 Okay, now, who wrote this... This hysterical one? 437 00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:32,028 Anal fissures. 438 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,446 That's a real thing. 439 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,072 Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it. 440 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,327 Someone has it. 441 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,215 Kevin: You think we should go? 442 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,176 I don't know, Kevin. I mean, this is important. 443 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:56,427 I don't want... there he is. 444 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:57,553 Kevin: What is he doing? 445 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,929 Oscar: I don't know. 446 00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,566 Well? 447 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,109 Well, what? 448 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,153 You could be referring to anything. 449 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,197 Okay. The healthcare plan. 450 00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:18,032 Why did you put Dwight in charge of that? 451 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,116 He did a horrible job. 452 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,035 Uh, Dwight? 453 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,912 Did you raise benefits? 454 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:23,996 I most certainly did not. 455 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,581 Oh, come on! That's horrible. 456 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,917 Oh! 457 00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,628 Thanks, Dwight, for a crappy plan. 458 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,672 Damn! 459 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,049 Oh! Mmm! 460 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,967 I wish I had time to change it, but... 461 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,512 Jan needs it by 5:00, and... 462 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,138 What time is it? What time is it? 463 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,516 Oh, it's after 5:00. I... oh. 464 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,142 Oh, it's awful! 465 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,937 So, well... 466 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,148 Okay. See you guys, uh, on Monday. 467 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:54,276 What about the surprise? 468 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,196 Oh, yes. Exactly. 469 00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,533 Thank you, Angela, for reminding me. 470 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,743 Terrific. Um... 471 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,705 Before I tell everybody what the big surprise is, 472 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,373 would you like to tell me 473 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,999 what you think the big surprise is? 474 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,562 We all think you don't have a surprise. 475 00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:13,921 All right. I have some news for ya. 476 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,464 There is a big surprise. 477 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,634 And... 478 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,886 Here it is. Here we go. And... 479 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,640 The big surprise is... 480 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,436 Drum roll! 481 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:51,167 Michael: When I am backed into a corner, 482 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,793 that is when I come alive. 483 00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,588 See, I learned improv from the greats, 484 00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,173 like, um, 485 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,091 drew Carey and Ryan stiles. 486 00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:02,261 Yeah! Ah! 487 00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:03,554 This... 488 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:13,290 Michael: Robin Williams, oh, man. 489 00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:14,914 Would I love to go head-to-head with him. 490 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,401 Oh, ho, ho! That would be exciting. 491 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,337 Hi, oh, I'm mork from ork. 492 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,822 Well, I'm... I'm bork from smork. 493 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:22,907 Nanu-nanu. 494 00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,742 Jibbly bloo bloo! 495 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,353 Oh, um... 496 00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:53,938 Jan wants you to call her.