1 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,150 (Theme music playing) 2 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,311 Michael! D'oh! God! Dwight, come on! 3 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,956 I wanted to talk to you about the downsizing... 4 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,439 There's no downsizing. Ai'ight. 5 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:05,708 But if there were, I'd be protected 6 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,025 as assistant regional manager? 7 00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,628 (Sighs) Assistant to the regional manager, Dwight. 8 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:10,372 Look. Yeah, so I don't have to worry, right? 9 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:11,446 Look, look, look... 10 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,698 I talked to corporate 11 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,061 about protecting the sales staff, 12 00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:15,426 and they said they couldn't guarantee it 13 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:16,702 if there's downsizing, okay? 14 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,870 But, there's no downsizing, so just don't... 15 00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:21,123 Bottom line, do I need to be worried? 16 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,708 Mmm, mmm, mmm, maybe. 17 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,271 Michael: It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. 18 00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:29,298 And it's part of my job, but... blech. 19 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:31,091 I... I hate it. 20 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,969 I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump 21 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:37,347 is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, 22 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,640 "you're fired." 23 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,100 (Imitating trump) "You're fired." 24 00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,144 "Uh, you're fired." 25 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,562 He just makes people sad, 26 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,856 and an office can't function that way. 27 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,150 No way. "You're fired." 28 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,419 I think if I had a catchphrase, 29 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,111 it would be, "you're hired. 30 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,572 "And you can work here as long as you want." 31 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,490 But, that's unrealistic, so... 32 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:00,787 Dwight: It's a real shame 33 00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,748 'cause studies have shown that more information 34 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,458 gets passed through water cooler gossip 35 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:05,661 than through official memos. 36 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,378 Which puts me at a disadvantage because... 37 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,423 I bring my own water to work. 38 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,010 Why'd you do this? I didn't do it. 39 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,428 What do you mean? 40 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,680 Oh, the water cooler was brought over here 41 00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,265 for... 42 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,558 Maintenance. 43 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,894 So, what do you guys hear? 44 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:24,978 What's the scuttlebutt? 45 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:31,443 Get set for operation morale improvement 46 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,445 starring Michael Scott. 47 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,781 Now, I think I've had a little stroke of genius, 48 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,325 in that I have had my assistant, Pam... 49 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:39,743 Smile, Pam. 50 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,995 I have had her go out and find out whose birthday 51 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,080 is coming up, 52 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,499 so we can have a little celebration for them. 53 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,042 Notbad! Not bad at all! 54 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,461 All right! And the birthday person is... 55 00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:51,922 Drum roll please... (Tapping rhythmically) 56 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:00,180 Who is it? Who's the person 57 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,642 with the birthday? Um, actually, we don't have any staff birthdays coming up. 58 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,895 Next person on the, uh, calendar. 59 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,314 Okay, um, that would be Meredith. 60 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,607 Yes! All right! 61 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,360 Come on down, Meredith! But it's not until next month. 62 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,737 (Sighs) Um. Uh, okay. 63 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:19,574 Well, great. Well, you know, it'll be a surprise. 64 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:21,928 You still want to have a party? 65 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:24,621 Yeah. Why not? Sure. Go ahead. 66 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,581 Live a little. Come on, Pam. 67 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,375 Come on. Shake it up. Shake it up. 68 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,335 Shake it up! 69 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,523 (Imitates Star Trek communicator trill) 70 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,299 Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? 71 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,926 Well, let me check, captain. 72 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:40,011 (Imitates device beeping) 73 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,642 No captain, no signs of life down here. 74 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,561 Just a wet blanket named Pam. 75 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,272 (Laughs) 76 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,107 (Imitates Star Trek communicator trill) 77 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,609 Star Trek... 78 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,739 Well, for decorations, maybe we could... 79 00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,198 It's stupid, forget it. 80 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:01,324 What? 81 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,576 Well, I was just gonna say 82 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,869 maybe we could have streamers, 83 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:07,414 but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. Never mind. 84 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,416 No, yeah, I think that's a good idea. 85 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,293 What color do you guys think? 86 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,045 Well, there's green... 87 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,548 Uh, blue... 88 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:20,135 Yellow, red... 89 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,219 How about green? 90 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:23,221 I think green is kind of whoreish. 91 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:24,848 Pam: This was tough. 92 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,350 I suggested we flip a coin, 93 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,604 but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. 94 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:31,855 Of course, by saying that, 95 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,691 she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. 96 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,986 These are my party-planning bee-otches. 97 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,323 Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. Off the hook! 98 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,343 Michael: So I was thinking, if you haven't already gotten 99 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,203 a cake, um, maybe go in 100 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,538 for one of those ice cream cakes from baskin Robbins. 101 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,165 They're very good. Very delicious. 102 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,834 Meredith's allergic to dairy, so... 103 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,754 She's not the only one that's going to be eating it, right? 104 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,839 And I think everybody likes ice cream cake. 105 00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,634 It's not, uh... Not just about her, so... 106 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,094 It is her birthday... Mint chocolate chip! 107 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,556 Would be good. How about some mint chocolate chip? 108 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,476 Hey. 109 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,188 So, listen, I was thinking that it might be a good idea 110 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,107 if you and I formed an alliance. 111 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:19,361 'Cause of the downsizing. 112 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,238 I think an alliance might be a good idea. 113 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,198 You know, help each other out. 114 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:29,204 Do you want to form an alliance with me? 115 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,583 Absolutely, I do. 116 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,293 Good, good, excellent. 117 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,628 Okay, now we need to figure out 118 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,922 who's vulnerable and who's protected. There may be... 119 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,258 At that moment, I was just so happy. 120 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,760 I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me. 121 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,512 Did you get your tickets? 122 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,430 To what? 123 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:48,723 The gun show. 124 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,688 (Laughs softly) 125 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,566 And I spend hours 126 00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,693 thinking of ways to get back at him, 127 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,820 but only in ways that would get me arrested. 128 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,263 And then here he comes and he says, 129 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:06,366 "no, Jim, here's a way." 130 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,325 And there's one other thing, and this is important. 131 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,913 Let's keep this alliance totally a secret. 132 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:13,498 (Whispers) Yeah. 133 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,417 Don't tell anyone. 134 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,085 An alliance? Jim: Oh, yeah. 135 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,169 What does that even mean? 136 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,964 I think it has something to do with survivor, but I'm not sure. 137 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,466 (Laughs) 138 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,218 I know that it involves spying on people, 139 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,137 and we may build a fort in accounting... 140 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,514 Jim. Hey. Hey. Hi, Pam. 141 00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:30,950 Listen, could I talk to you for a second 142 00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,602 about the paper products? 143 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,663 Did you tell Pam about the alliance? 144 00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:37,022 What? No... just now! 145 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,274 Oh, no, no, no, no. Dwight, no. 146 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,276 I'm using her, for the alliance. 147 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,904 Jim: Who knows the most information about this office? Pam. 148 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,464 Right. That's good. Good. Pursue this. 149 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:46,549 Well, I'm trying to. Mmm-hmm. 150 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:47,717 Do you see what I'm doing? Mmm-hmm. 151 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,118 But listen, I'm gonna have to talk to her a lot. All right? 152 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,621 And there may be chatting and giggling. 153 00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,264 And you gotta just pretend to ignore it. 154 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,665 Wipe it away. Done. 155 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,750 All right. 156 00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,043 (Sighs) 157 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:05,425 Can you get her? She's right there. That is Meredith. 158 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,844 The birthday girl. 159 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:11,056 And this is Meredith's card. 160 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,933 "Happy bird-day." 161 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,392 (Laughs) 162 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,645 Um, let's see. Jim. 163 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:20,732 Jim wrote, "Meredith, I heard you're turning 46. 164 00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,067 "But, come on, 165 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,945 "you're an accountant, just fudge the numbers." 166 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,363 Not bad. Pretty funny. 167 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,782 I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud, though. 168 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,242 Uh, here's the thing. 169 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,452 Whatever I write here 170 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,913 has to be really, really funny. 171 00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:38,083 Because people out there are expecting it. 172 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,502 I've already set the bar really high. 173 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,338 And they're all worried about their jobs, you know? 174 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,090 It's kinda dark out there. 175 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:47,634 Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh, 176 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,096 "oh, Meredith. Um, happy birthday. 177 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,765 "You're great. Love, Michael." 178 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,058 (Scoffs) 179 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,143 (Imitates gagging and retching) 180 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,021 (Laughs) 181 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:03,274 Yeah. They seem awfully chummy, don't you think? 182 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,276 What do you think that's about? 183 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,112 Only one way to find out. 184 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,364 I'm on it. 185 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,953 You are not going to believe this. What? I believe it. 186 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,514 Well, tensions were high in the kitchen. 187 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,932 I could tell from the body language. 188 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:20,208 Hey, that looks good. What is that, Turkey? 189 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,043 Kevin: Italian. 190 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,421 Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow. 191 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,505 You got the works there. 192 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,341 Red onion, provolone. Yeah. 193 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,865 Jim: Toby and Kevin, the y're trying to get Angela kicked off. 194 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,929 Good. Let 'em. That's fine. It helps our cause. 195 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,264 Well, I don't know. 196 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,658 Becauseifkevufs "taccounfing, yeah_. 197 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,892 And Toby's in human resources, and they're talking? 198 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,602 (Sighs) They're forming an alliance. 199 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:40,687 I love their sandwiches. 200 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,480 Ilovetheu sandwiches, too. 201 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,666 Yeah, their bread's really good. 202 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,233 Their bread is very good. 203 00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:48,361 Damn it! God! (Frustrated grunting) 204 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,864 (Car alarm blaring) 205 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,367 Okay, listen. 206 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,829 We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance, 207 00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,672 and is therefore trying to get us kicked off. 208 00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:02,333 God damn it! Why us? 209 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,045 Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong. 210 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,130 Michael: Meredith, Meredith. 211 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,632 Mary... Mary had a little lamb. 212 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,926 Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. 213 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,280 Don't bring that lamb to work, or it'll poop on the floor... 214 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,306 (Door knocks) Hey! Oscar. 215 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,391 Come on in, what's up? Uh, I'm sorry to bother you. 216 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,477 Oh, not at all. Come on in. What's goin' on? 217 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,980 My nephew is involved with, um, a charity 218 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,940 mmm-hmm. For cerebral palsy. 219 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,318 And I was wondering if maybe you'd like to... 220 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:30,904 You know... 221 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,364 What? Uh, donate to the charity. 222 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,658 Oh, god. Of course I would. 223 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,702 (Scoffs) Get it over here! 224 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,704 Get that over here. Thank you. 225 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:44,334 You know, I'm always good for some serious buckage. 226 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,586 Wow. Two dollars? Three dollars? 227 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:51,132 People out here do not care about diseases. 228 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,469 I'm going to give you $25. 229 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,557 That's... that's... That's very generous. 230 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,810 Oh, my gosh. Well, listen, Oscar. 231 00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:04,521 Generosity, and togetherness, 232 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,064 and community, 233 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:10,443 all convalescences into morale. 234 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,154 That's what I say, so... (Clicks tongue) 235 00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,660 Hey, Jim. Can I talk to you for a second? 236 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,120 Sure. What's up? 237 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:23,081 Um, I don't know. I'm just, like, going a little crazy. 238 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,376 'Cause I keep overhearing all of these conversations 239 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,044 between Michael and corporate 240 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,213 about, like, staff issues. 241 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,422 Yeah. Oh, no. 242 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:34,217 He's making me take notes on these meetings, 243 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,970 and I'm like, "these people are my friends," right. 244 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,431 But he's all like, "this is confidential, you can't tell anybody." 245 00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:43,768 But I don't know, I just feel like I wanna... (Imitates retching) 246 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,538 Just promise me you're not gonna say anything? 247 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,814 I will not... I'm not gonna tell anybody. 248 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:48,958 Okay. This is between you and me. 249 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,483 Pam: Yeah. 250 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,113 Jackpot 251 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,656 Jim: That was beautiful. 252 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,408 All her idea, too. 253 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:02,078 Awesome. She's so great. 254 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,292 Meredith. Bad breath. Meredith has bad breath. 255 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,459 (Door opens) 256 00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:09,544 Hey. Hey. 257 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,379 You wanted to see me? 258 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,690 Uh, yeah. What do you know about Meredith? 259 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:13,923 I don't think she'd be missed. 260 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,594 There's not going to be downsizing, Dwight, okay? 261 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,680 I just... I need to know a little bit more about 262 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:21,890 my friend. 263 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,933 Name, Meredith Palmer. 264 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:27,020 Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. 265 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,522 Uh, employer, dunder Mifflin paper, inc. 266 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,232 Awards, multiple dundies... 267 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,751 I know all that. I know... I know all that. 268 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,712 Ijust_lneed something kind of embarrassing, you know? 269 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,529 Kinda fun, inside... 270 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,531 She had a hysterectomy. 271 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:40,825 Which one is that again? 272 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:41,969 It's where they remove the uterus. 273 00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,786 Oh, god, Dwight, no! 274 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,207 I'm trying to write something funny here, okay? 275 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,890 What am I gonna do with a removed uterus? 276 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:49,998 It could be kind of funny. 277 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,545 You know what? I am on a deadline here. 278 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:53,963 And, just... okay. 279 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,174 Thanks. Thanks for your help. I'm... 280 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,259 I'll work it out. Thank you, Dwight. 281 00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,721 That wasn't a waste of time. 282 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,766 Okay, here's the deal. All right? 283 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,517 Pam says that one of the alliances 284 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,829 is meeting in the warehouse during Meredith's birthday party. 285 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,331 Oh, my god, we have to be there. I know. 286 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,415 But it's gonna be a little tough, 287 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,666 because there's no good place to hide down there. 288 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,193 No, no, yes there is. Behind the shelves... oh, my god. 289 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,319 What, what, what? I know. 290 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,280 I know... I know exactly what to do. Great. 291 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:20,404 Dwight: I'm a deer hunter. 292 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,575 I go all the time with my dad. 293 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:26,037 One thing about deer, they have very good vision. 294 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,914 One thing about me, 295 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:32,418 I'm better at hiding than they are at vision. 296 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,588 This is gonna be perfect, okay? 297 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,423 Centrally located. Perfect cover. 298 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,550 I can hear and see everything. 299 00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:40,635 Good. 300 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,095 Michael. Just a sec. 301 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,305 Are you done yet? Almost there. Just a second. 302 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:47,350 It is perfect. Thank you. Excellent. 303 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,352 Here we go. It is time. Thank you. 304 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,687 Okay! Come on, let's go! 305 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,564 Get the cake! Here we go. Come on, come on, come on! 306 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,108 Shh! Be quiet! 307 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,026 Wait, this isn't gonna work. The lid's open. 308 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,737 So, tape it down. I can't do that. 309 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,322 Then you won't be able to breathe. 310 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,324 Look, I can breathe just fine, okay? 311 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:04,468 But if it makes you feel better, 312 00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:05,785 I'll poke holes in the box. 313 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,829 Thank you. Thank you. Okay. 314 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,914 (Door opens) 315 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,209 Surprise! 316 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:14,794 Oh! Surprise! 317 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,004 No, it's a... 318 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:17,922 It's surprise, Meredith! 319 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,173 One, two... 320 00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:22,844 All: (Singing) Happy birthday to you 321 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:23,928 find the key. 322 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,013 All: Happy birthday... 323 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,681 So, you want me to stay here 324 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:29,225 and, you know, stand next to the box, or... 325 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:32,186 No! You need to go upstairs to the party 326 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:33,831 so people don't notice that we're both gone. 327 00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:35,481 Right. That's good. 328 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,234 Can I trust Jim? I don't know. 329 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,821 Do I have a choice? No. Frankly, I don't. 330 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:45,116 Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? 331 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,744 You tell me. 332 00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:51,289 Staff: (Continue singing) Happy birthday, dear Meredith 333 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:54,459 happy birthday to you 334 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,420 Michael: And many more 335 00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,631 (indistinct chattering) 336 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,803 You were surprised, weren't you? 337 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:08,014 Yes. You looked freaked, man. 338 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,308 We said, "surprise," and you were, like, "what? 339 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,477 "What the hell's goin' on here?" 340 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,561 (Chuckles awkwardly) 341 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:14,913 Good cake. Why don't you have some? 342 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,230 I... I can't, um. 343 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,583 Come on. A little bit. A little bit. 344 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,647 No, no, I can't eat dairy. 345 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,777 Oh, right. Oh, god. Too bad, it's so good. 346 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,861 Yeah, it makes me sick. 347 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,239 You know what? If I were allergic to dairy, 348 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:26,407 I think I'd kill myself. 349 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,826 'Cause this is way, way too good. 350 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:33,915 Pam: He's in a box? 351 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,209 Jim: Pam, he's in a box. 352 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,336 He's downstairs in a box 353 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,046 on the floor near the shelves. 354 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,256 (Laughs) I'm serious. Go down there. 355 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,620 And work your magic... (Chuckles) 356 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,097 Pam: Hey, where are you? 357 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,641 Yeah, we were supposed to meet here. 358 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,851 What? 359 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,188 Oh, my gosh! 360 00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,023 That ties in perfectly 361 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,110 with something that Michael was telling me earlier. 362 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,154 I just don't know what some of the people 363 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,240 in, hke, accounfing, are gonna do. 364 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,409 It said specifically that... 365 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,993 (Dwight grunts) 366 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,248 Hey, Jim. Good party, huh? 367 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,548 Just a little something iwhipped up, you know, 368 00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,644 a little morale boost. Yeah? 369 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,669 No big deal. 370 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:20,813 Speaking of which, I meant to tell you. 371 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:21,838 Very impressive. 372 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,507 The, uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. 373 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,591 What was that, 25 bucks? 374 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:29,554 Yeah, well, you know, money isn't everything, Jim. 375 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,180 It's not the key to happiness. 376 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,265 You know what is? 377 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:34,308 Joy. 378 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,269 You should remember that. 379 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,472 Maybe you'd give more than $3.00 next time. (Chuckles) 380 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:42,316 Yeah, well, $3.00 a mile is going to end up being, like, 50 bucks. 381 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,862 So... god, (scoffs) I can't even calculate 382 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,655 what you're gonna have to give. 383 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,038 Is Oscar around? 384 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,790 I just thought it was a, 385 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,668 kind of a flat, you know, $25 386 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,420 one-time donation. 387 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,255 I didn't think it was a per-mile kinda deal, 388 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,840 you know, so... 389 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,259 Well, that's what a walk-a-thon is. I know... 390 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,303 It says it right on the sheet. Mmm-hmm. 391 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,762 Look. Look at the sheet. 392 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,056 It says it's however many dollars per mile. Right. 393 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,808 Got it. Yes. So, it does. 394 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,227 I just think it's kind of cheap 395 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,591 to "undonate" money to a charity. 396 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,189 No.no, nd no, no, no. 397 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:23,399 I... iwasn't... that wasn't what I was... no. 398 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,526 I... it's not about the money. 399 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:26,986 It's just... it... (Sighs) 400 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,364 It's the ethics of the thing, Oscar. 401 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,452 How's your nephew? 402 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,204 Yeah. Isheingoodshape? 403 00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:37,598 How many miles did he do last year? 404 00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:38,831 Lastyean he walked 18 miles. 405 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,541 Son of a bitch. 406 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,168 That is impressive! Good for him. 407 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:05,900 Happy birthday, Meredith. 408 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,023 Michael: Read it out loud. 409 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,170 And say who wrote everything, 410 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,238 so we know whose is the best. 411 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,074 "Happy bird-day." (All chuckle) 412 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,870 "Meredith, good news. 413 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,664 "You're not actually a year older, 414 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:22,875 "because you work here, where time stands still." 415 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,085 (All chuckle) 416 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,792 I don't know about that... 417 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:26,916 Meredith: That was Stanley. 418 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:30,091 "Meredith, happy birthday. 419 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,760 "You're the best, love, Pam." 420 00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,095 All: Aw. 421 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,138 (Imitates gagging and retching) 422 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,598 Thanks, downer. (Scoffs) 423 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,183 Meredith: This is from Michael. 424 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,353 "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing 425 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:43,688 "that happens to you 426 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,357 "is that someone downsizes your age." 427 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,112 Because of the downsizing. 428 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,196 Rumors. 429 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,574 And because you're gettin' old. 430 00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:55,658 Meredith: No... 431 00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,911 I get it. It's funny. (Michael chuckling) 432 00:17:58,995 --> 00:17:59,996 You didn't get the joke. 433 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:01,872 So, that's cool. 434 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:05,501 That's... you know what? Actually, I have a bunch of these. 435 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,128 Good ones that I didn't use. 436 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:10,339 Um, oh, where's that, uh... 437 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,882 Oh, okay, here's a good one. 438 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:14,051 Um, "hey, Meredith, Liz Taylor called. 439 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:17,013 "She wants her age back and her divorces back." 440 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,807 'Cause Meredith's been divorced, like, twice? Is that right? 441 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,309 Uh, you're right. 442 00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:22,911 Michael: Did I get that right? Okay. Right. 443 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,478 Yes. Divorce. 444 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,608 Um, oh, okay. 445 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,151 "Meredith is so old..." 446 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,611 How old is she? 447 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,654 Well, if everybody could do it. Everybody... 448 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:34,947 "Meredith is so old..." 449 00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:36,741 All: How old is she? 450 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:37,825 "She's so old, 451 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,201 "she went into an antique store 452 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,286 "and they kept her." 453 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,393 Michael: Well, that wasn't even mine. 454 00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:48,919 I got that off the Internet website. 455 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,921 So, don't getmadatme. Uhm 456 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,882 nice party, Michael. 457 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,091 This isn't my fault. 458 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:57,511 Um, ladies, 459 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:58,596 not your best effort. 460 00:18:58,679 --> 00:18:59,680 The streamers? 461 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,868 I think we could have done better than that, don't you think? 462 00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:04,894 Phyllis wanted red. I didn't. 463 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,145 Oh, boy, you... 464 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,856 Okay, wait, all right, people, 465 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,858 hold on, hold on, hold on just a second, okay? 466 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,486 I think we're losing sight of what is really important here. 467 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,155 And, that is that we are... 468 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,075 A group of people 469 00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:20,743 who work together. 470 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,372 I was... I really wasn't gonna flaunt this. 471 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,333 I have made a very sizeable donation 472 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,794 to Oscar's nephew's... 473 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,672 Walk-a-thon. 474 00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:35,049 $25. 475 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,884 Per mile. Per mile, yes. 476 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,553 When I retire, I... 477 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,556 I don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. 478 00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,434 I want to be the guy who gives everything back. 479 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,311 A check for the kids. 480 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,188 And for the team. 481 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,606 I want it to be like, 482 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:54,235 "hey, who donated that hospital wing 483 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,112 "that is saving so many lives?" 484 00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,781 "Uh, well, I don't... I don't know. 485 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,157 "It was anonymous." 486 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,954 "Well, guess what? That was Michael Scott." 487 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,540 "But, uh, it was anonymous, 488 00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:08,874 "how do you know?" 489 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,044 "Because I'm him." 490 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,006 Thank you, Michael. 491 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,343 Michael: Come here. 492 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,096 Don't cash that unfianday, okay? 493 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:23,973 Yeah. Really? Today? 494 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,057 Huh. 495 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,559 Happy birthday. Thanks. 496 00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,911 Huh. I could say something... 497 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:30,229 Don't do that. Okay. 498 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:35,192 Okay, okay. I have something that totally tops the box! 499 00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:36,736 Oh, tell me! Tell me! Okay. 500 00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:38,320 Ihavejust convinced Dwight 501 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,656 that he needs to go to stamford, 502 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,117 and spy on our other branch. No, no, no. (Laughing) 503 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,702 Jim: But before he does so, 504 00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,788 I told him that he should dye his hair to go undercover. 505 00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,039 (Continues laughing) 506 00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:51,125 If we can get him to drive to Connecticut 507 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:53,335 and put peroxide in his hair... 508 00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:54,604 (Door opens) Roy: What the hell is this? 509 00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,106 What, are you trying to cop a feel or somethin', Halpert? 510 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,607 No, dude, no_. Dude, no, lwasjust... hey! Hey! 511 00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,175 Jim: Listen. Whoa. Pam: Hold on. 512 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,278 God, I don't even... I don't even know how to explain this. 513 00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,220 Um, uh... 514 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,181 Dwight asked me to be in an alliance. 515 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:09,226 (Laughs) And, then, um, um, we were... 516 00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:10,936 We've just been messing with him, 517 00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:12,980 uh, because of the whole alliance thing. 518 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:15,399 It's just office pranks. 519 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,151 It's stupid. It's just office pranks. 520 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,111 An alliance? What the hell's he talking about? 521 00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:23,073 I have absolutely no idea. 522 00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,327 Roy: Come on. 523 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,876 Dwight: Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? 524 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,003 Not at all. 525 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:37,713 That's the game. 526 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,673 Convince him we 're in an alliance, 527 00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:41,759 get some information, throw him to the wolves. 528 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,469 That's politics, baby. 529 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,137 Get what you can out of someone, 530 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,889 then crush them. 531 00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,642 I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson.