1
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,050
Where is my desk?

2
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,053
That is weird.

3
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,431
This is not funny. This
is totally unprofessional.

4
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,117
Okay, well, you're the one
who lost the desk.

5
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,392
I didn't lose my desk.

6
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:20,103
Hey, calm down. Where
was the last place you saw it?

7
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,356
Okay, who moved my desk?

8
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:23,875
Jim: I think you should
retrace your steps.

9
00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,818
Okay, I am going to tell Michael

10
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:29,863
and this entire office
will be punished.

11
00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:31,865
Colder.

12
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:35,661
Warmer.

13
00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,455
A little warmer.

14
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,250
There you go. Warmer.

15
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,126
Warmer.

16
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,337
Warmer. Warmer. Warmer.

17
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,630
Cold. Cold. Cold.

18
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:47,839
Back up.

19
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,509
(Jim exclaims)

20
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:51,635
(Telephone ringing)

21
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,679
Warmer. Hot. Red hot.

22
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,098
Hot. Very hot.

23
00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,351
(Telephone continues ringing)

24
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,488
Dwight schrute. Hi, Dwight.

25
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,158
What sort of discounts are we
giving on the 20-lb. White bond?

26
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,452
Jim, I've given you this
information, like, 20 times.

27
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:18,787
Jim: Lknow.

28
00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:20,789
(Toilet flushing)

29
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,834
It's by the ream?

30
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:24,918
Yeah. Ream...

31
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,962
It is now $9.78,

32
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,755
so it's a discount of 7%.

33
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,508
Okay, thank you.
Got to get back to work.

34
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,848
Wash your hands, Kevin.

35
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:12,966
Right.

36
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,903
Oh, let me just check the
pricing list. Hold on one second.

37
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,847
Sensei, hello, it's sempai.

38
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,391
Dwight.

39
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,411
You know what, let me
give you a call right back.

40
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:26,396
I'm gonna find it and then
I'll call you back. Thanks.

41
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:30,067
Yes, I just had a question...
Yes, sensei.

42
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,152
(Speaking Japanese)

43
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,116
Was that your mom?

44
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,826
No, that was my sensei.

45
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,204
Oh, I thought it was your mom.

46
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:46,249
I am now sempai,
which is assistant sensei.

47
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,353
Assistant to the sensei,
that's pretty cool.

48
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,419
Assistant sensei.

49
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,504
Okay.

50
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,924
I am a practitioner
of goju-ryu karate

51
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:55,759
here in Scranton.

52
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:56,843
(Shouting)

53
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,095
Sensei: Two!

54
00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,638
Dwight, snap your kick back.

55
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:00,722
Three!

56
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:05,644
Dwight: My sensei, ira,
recently promoted me to purple belt.

57
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,772
And gave me the duties
of a sempai.

58
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,567
Not that a lot of people here in
america know what a sempai is.

59
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,779
But it's equally
as respected as a sensei.

60
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,203
I don't wanna stay
until 7:00 again this year.

61
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,456
I don't really have any
control over that, Stanley.

62
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:35,424
Michael tends to procrastinate a
bit whenever he has to do work.

63
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:40,429
Time cards, he has to
sign these every Friday.

64
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,306
Purchase orders have to be
approved at the end of every month.

65
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,308
And expense reports,

66
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:49,187
all he has to do is initial these
at the end of every quarter.

67
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:53,024
But once a year it all falls on
the same Friday. That's today.

68
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,694
I call it the perfect storm.

69
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,071
(Singing) I don't wanna work

70
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,699
I just wanna bang
on this mug all day

71
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,909
did you ask me here
for any specific reason?

72
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:04,786
Yes, I did.

73
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,496
Here's the dizzle.

74
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:10,500
I have a very top-secret
mission for you.

75
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,879
I want you to update all the
emergency contact information.

76
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,714
Why is that secret?

77
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:19,384
Hello. Oh, god. Busywork.
Oh, get away, cretin.

78
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,470
Pam: I put stickers,
so you know where to sign.

79
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,096
Yes, thanks,
I know where to sign.

80
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,222
Itsjustthat lastyearyou_.

81
00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:27,350
Yeah, well, last year they were
out of order, weren't they, Pam?

82
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:31,313
Well, the last pick-up for
overnight deliveries is at 7:00.

83
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,483
So you need to have them
signed by then, or much earlier.

84
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,485
Chillax, Pam.

85
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:39,654
Stop Pam-ms-ing.
That's pretty good.

86
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,908
Actually I'm sending Ryan
on a top-secret mission.

87
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,659
Tell her what it is.

88
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,870
Updating emergency contacts.

89
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,332
Well, is that really a priority?

90
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,542
Is it a priority?
Oh, I don't know.

91
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,920
What if there's a tornado, Pam?

92
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,088
People's legs
are crushed under rubble?

93
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,674
Please, would you be so kind
as to call my wife?

94
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:03,512
No, I can't, because we don't have
any emergency contact information,

95
00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:05,764
because Pam said
it wasn't a priority.

96
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,349
Think. Think with
your head, Pam.

97
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,518
Okay, well, she walks out.

98
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,228
That's the problem
with being a boss,

99
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,897
is that when you are tough
they resent you

100
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,566
and when you are cool
they walk all over you.

101
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:18,235
Catch-22.

102
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,238
Catch-22. Yes.

103
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,993
Why don't you give me your
contact information to start with?

104
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,703
Okay, what's your cell?

105
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,122
Larissa Halpert.

106
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:32,916
What's her address?

107
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,417
117 Von Bergen street.

108
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,794
(Cell phone ringing)

109
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:36,878
Hello?

110
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,402
Michael: (In shrill voice)
Hey, Ryan!

111
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,926
This is Michael Jackson

112
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,886
calling from wonderland.

113
00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:47,597
You mean neverland?

114
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,141
This is tito.

115
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,893
(Laughing)

116
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,021
What?

117
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,275
Calling from...

118
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:02,404
Your major and minor lines
cross at a Ridge.

119
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,489
That sucks.

120
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,741
You're making this up as
you go along, aren't you?

121
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,577
I am just following the website.

122
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,121
Well, at least
I don't have cavities.

123
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,415
Yes, you have very nice teeth.

124
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,583
Thanks.

125
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,002
Who's your emergency contact?

126
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,128
(Cell phone ringing)

127
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,337
Stacey.

128
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,550
(Knocking on window)

129
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,218
Pick up!

130
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,014
Hello?

131
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,100
(In shrill voice)
This is Mike Tyson.

132
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,518
(Sniggering)

133
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,521
Hey, Dwight?

134
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,734
As sempai, do you ever think
that there's gonna be a day

135
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:44,154
where humans and robots
can peacefully coexist?

136
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,782
Impossible.
The way they're programmed...

137
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:51,870
You're mocking me. No, I'm not.

138
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,664
Well, let me offer you
a little piece of advice.

139
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,084
I am not afraid
to make an example out of you.

140
00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,920
Well, that's not advice.

141
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,088
What advice sounds like is this:

142
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,884
Don't ever bring
your purple belt to work

143
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,136
because someone might steal it.

144
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,280
Okay, give that back to me.

145
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,430
Okay. Say "please."

146
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,098
No. That is not a toy.

147
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:13,350
Please? Please!

148
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,644
Good. And it absolutely
is a toy.

149
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:16,770
Arigato.

150
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,438
Arigato. This is not a toy.

151
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:22,025
This is a message
for the entire office.

152
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:26,112
So that everyone can see that I am
capable of physically dominating them.

153
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,785
And this is more of a
ying-Yang thing.

154
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,871
The "Michael" is all cursives,
"Scott" all caps.

155
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:38,792
Left brain, right brain,
or duality of man.

156
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:39,960
(Knocking on window)

157
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,045
Could you practice on the forms?

158
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,652
No women or children,
unless provoked.

159
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:48,677
Okay.

160
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,886
Roy.

161
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,304
Warehouse guy, doesn't count.

162
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,389
Okay.

163
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,557
Michael. Could you
beat up Michael?

164
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,993
Yeah, I don't think
that would happen.

165
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,060
Because we're friends.

166
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,187
Because I would kick his ass.

167
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,481
Well, Dwight's
a purple belt, so...

168
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,901
I've beat up black belts. Yeah.

169
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,028
And how did you know
they were black belts?

170
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,571
They told me after.

171
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:13,118
See, I used to run with a very
tough crowd, street fighter types.

172
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:17,789
Real, real bad people.
I'm just lucky I got out.

173
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,583
Is your wife still your contact?

174
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,752
Ex-wife. Yeah.

175
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,463
Her last name's Becker now.

176
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,383
Okay.

177
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,552
You don't need to write "ex."

178
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:35,265
And after that, nobody ever messed
with the damn rascals ever again.

179
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,225
Sounds tough.

180
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,769
When you're a jet, you're
a jet all the way, right?

181
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,895
You're a jet?

182
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,373
Have you signed
the expense reports yet?

183
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:43,982
Yes, in theory I have.

184
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,693
I just need to cross
some t's and dot some I's.

185
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:49,529
All right.

186
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:53,992
I am going to be in my office,
if anybody needs me.

187
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,368
(Exclaims)

188
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,162
Michael! Oh, wow!

189
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,581
Sleeper hold! Bedtime for bonzo.

190
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:01,666
(Michael shushing)

191
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,876
(Michael exclaims)

192
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,586
You are the weakest link!

193
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:05,670
(Yells)

194
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,298
I'm friends with everybody
in this office.

195
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,217
We're all best friends.
I love everybody here.

196
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:16,473
But sometimes your best
friends start coming into work late,

197
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,934
and start having dentist appointments
that aren't dentist appointments,

198
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:24,189
and that is when it's nice to let them
know that you could beat them up.

199
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,066
Just hit me, you'll see.

200
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,610
I can't, 'cause
I just got a manicure, so...

201
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,695
Oh, queer! Eye...

202
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:33,698
Queer eye, that's a good show.
Important show.

203
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,200
Go ahead. Do it.

204
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,535
Just have Dwight punch you.
Oh, yeah.

205
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,659
Well, that would be kind
of worthless because I know

206
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,664
a ton of 14-year-old girls
who could kick his ass.

207
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,541
You know a ton
of 14-year-old girls?

208
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,918
What belt are they?

209
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,003
Look, Dwight is a wuss.

210
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,671
When we rented armageddon... no.

211
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,191
He cried at the end of it.
He did.

212
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,359
Dwight: Michael, I told you. That
was because it was new year's Eve

213
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,803
and it started to snow
at exactly midnight.

214
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:57,514
"Bruce Willis, they're gonna
leave him on the asteroid."

215
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,765
Okay, I'll punch you.

216
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,016
Oh, okay, here we go.

217
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,559
All right, come on.

218
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,769
(Exclaims)

219
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,312
(Screams)

220
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,065
(Groaning)

221
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:11,152
Did I want to harm Michael? The
one man I've been hired to protect?

222
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,570
No, I did not.

223
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,114
Are you okay? Yes.

224
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,866
Are you sure you're
all right? Yep, yep.

225
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,285
Thank you.

226
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,126
I come from a long line
of fighters.

227
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:29,504
My maternal grandfather was
the toughest guy I ever knew.

228
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,423
World war ii veteran,
killed 20 men,

229
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:35,635
then spent the rest of the war
in an allied prison camp.

230
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:40,890
My father battled blood
pressure and obesity all his life.

231
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,643
Different kind of fight.

232
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,771
Okay, he has to be stopped.

233
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,774
Please, please, please,
please, just ask Michael.

234
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,027
I don't know.

235
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,279
(Exclaims)

236
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,366
Okay, I'll buy you
a bag of chips.

237
00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,701
French onion?

238
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,911
Obviously. Why are
you spinning around?

239
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,329
Okay. Yes.

240
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,082
Take this pen, okay,

241
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,042
stab me with it.

242
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,460
Michael: Go away.

243
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:10,837
I just have a quick question.

244
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,797
I haven't signed them, okay?

245
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,841
No, it's not that.

246
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,970
I was just wondering, since I'm
probably gonna have to stay late,

247
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:22,974
could you ask Dwight to stay late,
too, so he can walk me to my car?

248
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:26,853
Come in.

249
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,232
Pam, I hate to
break this to you,

250
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,610
but Dwight can't stop you
from being mugged.

251
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,403
He's just not tough enough.

252
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,964
He's a purple belt,
that's really high.

253
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,656
Oh, god, I could beat up Dwight.

254
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,366
That's ridiculous.
I can murder him.

255
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,035
It's just that out there you...

256
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,387
Oh, is that what they're saying?

257
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,412
Yeah, kind of.

258
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,331
Okay, all right.

259
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,833
Where's Dwight? Jim: Kitchen.

260
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,001
Okay.

261
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,691
Dwight: All right. Here we go.

262
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:56,758
(Kelly exclaims)

263
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,718
Good. Wow, that's
actually pretty cool, Dwight.

264
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,529
Excellent. Now, watch.
Let me take you from behind.

265
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,822
What? Michael: Watch out, Kelly,

266
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,223
he might sucker punch you.

267
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,617
I didn't sucker punch you,
Michael.

268
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:05,642
No, really?

269
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,894
In case you'd remember,
I was defending my honor.

270
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,145
()h, is fltatit? Lmeasamumi

271
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,314
yeah. Really? Well,
the offer, Dwight,

272
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,234
was for one punch,
which I absorbed.

273
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,736
I had no idea that there
would be a second punch.

274
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,613
So, catch-22.

275
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,739
Dwight: Okay, fine.

276
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,785
Tit for tit. Give it your best
shot. Two punches. Go!

277
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:27,580
Look, if we were in a bar right
now, there would be two punches.

278
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,304
Me punching you
and you hitting the floor.

279
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,833
No, I'd block
yourfhstpunch_. Yeah?

280
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:31,977
Rendering you ineffective.
Oh, really?

281
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,002
Yeah. You know what,

282
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,730
you're just lucky
that we're at work right now.

283
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,464
What about, uh, Dwight's dojo?

284
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,049
No, they just have classes.

285
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,968
Nojtsfieedunngtheday
itsfine. Look_.

286
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,261
I got the key.

287
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,637
Hey, Michael. Hey, Toby.

288
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,240
Any word on those time cards?
I have an idea.

289
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,848
Why don't you leave right now?

290
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,476
Why don't you walk away
from the room, okay?

291
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,938
Fine. We'll go at lunch.

292
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,942
Pam, make an announcement.

293
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,319
Figure out car pools.

294
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,033
Jim: Well, we're all getting
excited to see this fight.

295
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,704
The Albany branch is working right
through lunch to prevent downsizing,

296
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:11,374
but Michael, he decided
to extend our lunch by an hour

297
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:15,169
so that we could all go down to
the dojo and watch him fight Dwight.

298
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,881
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!

299
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,134
I'm coming. Fight!

300
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,514
Sorry.

301
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,733
I recognize that.

302
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,485
That is Japanese
for California roll.

303
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:40,737
No, it's not.

304
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,131
I think it is,
a guy told me about that.

305
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,955
Actually it's a symbol for
eternal discipline.

306
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,701
Wow. That is really interesting.

307
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,036
What?

308
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,621
Your love line... I'm just
kidding. I can't see anything.

309
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,914
Look closer.

310
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,584
Oh, okay. One point for me.

311
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,835
Tied up. Oh, you're dead.

312
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,254
What? What are you gonna do?
Bring it, beesley, bring it.

313
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,339
(Grunts)

314
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,798
Oh, yeah. Good move.

315
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,633
Not such an ultimate
fighter now, huh?

316
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:05,303
(Laughing) Hey, put me down.
Put me down!

317
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:08,014
Oh, my god!
Hey, put me down! Hey!

318
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,104
Ira: Okay, gentlemen, listen up.

319
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:18,983
After a clean strike to the
chest, stomach or kidneys,

320
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,110
I will separate you
and award a point.

321
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,404
The first person to three
wins, all right? Yes, sensei.

322
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,614
Lot of rules, lot of rules.

323
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,200
On the street, we didn't
have any rules. Maybe one.

324
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,619
No kicks to the groin,
home for dinner.

325
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,454
(Exclaims)

326
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,289
Hey, what the hell was that?

327
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,374
Yes!

328
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,768
Ira: Dwight, one point.
No way! Okay!

329
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:36,793
Eat it!

330
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,187
All right, that's the way
you wanna do it?

331
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,797
You wanna play dirty, huh?
Okay, game on, man!

332
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,006
Sweep the leg.

333
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,570
Michael: Yeah, I'm coming
at you, man!

334
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,385
(Breathing quickly)

335
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,597
(Michael exclaims)

336
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,141
Okay, purple belt, okay.

337
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,559
I got it. No.

338
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,728
I got his pants.
That was my pants.

339
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,480
No points for pants.

340
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:01,818
Dwight, you have... no, look. No,
you have something, you have some...

341
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,320
God, you look like
such an idiot!

342
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,905
(Both shouting)

343
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,224
Clean technique, gentlemen.
Come on, do that again!

344
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,958
Do that again, I dare you.

345
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,418
(Screaming)

346
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,003
Okay, break. Break!
No holding! Break.

347
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,881
Oh, you can't see!
You can't see!

348
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,634
One point, two points,
three points!

349
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,324
Ira: Break!
How many points was that?

350
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,179
Iwin! Iwin!

351
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,308
No, you didn't! No, you...

352
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,019
Eight points, nine points.

353
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,187
(Hawking)

354
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,564
Stop it! No!

355
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,482
Come on, Michael!

356
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,526
Open your mouth! No, Michael!

357
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,710
You talking to me?

358
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,670
You talking to me?

359
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,631
Raging bull. Pacino.

360
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,384
Oh, I want that footage,
I want it. I need it.

361
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,929
Oh, I have to get back to
work. I have lots of work to...

362
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,806
Check this out. Come here.

363
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,266
There he is.

364
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:19,228
Mr. Temp having lunch
by the car.

365
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:23,191
Let us play with him.
This is going to be hilarious.

366
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,950
Oh, we're playing phone tag.

367
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,578
Woman on phone:
Seven new messages.

368
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,163
First new message:

369
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:40,333
Michael: Hi, Ryan.
This is Saddam Hussein.

370
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,001
Next message:

371
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,378
Hey, Ryan,
this is your girlfriend

372
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,589
and I'm mad.

373
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,781
My emergency contact
is Todd packer.

374
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,408
Todd f. Packer.

375
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,994
Know what the "f" stands for?
Fudge?

376
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,079
(Knocking on door)

377
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,414
Yeah. Come in.

378
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,416
Oh, hey, karate kid.

379
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,377
The hilary swank version.

380
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,087
Hi. How are you?

381
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:29,131
I need to change my
emergency contact information

382
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,883
from Michael Scott.

383
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,051
Okay, to what?

384
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,261
Just put

385
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,180
"the hospital."

386
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,350
Contact number, just put 911.

387
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,893
(Scratching)

388
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,062
He is such a sore loser.

389
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:47,066
You heard, obviously, that I mopped
the floor with him this afternoon.

390
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,152
You know what,

391
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,822
do yourself a favor.
Just leave me as his contact

392
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,740
and I will call the hospital.

393
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,450
Cut out the middleman.

394
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,202
(Scratching)

395
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,212
Later, Jim. Later, kev.

396
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,470
Have a good weekend.

397
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:17,805
Yeah, you, too.

398
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:29,817
(Knocking on door)

399
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:30,943
Yeah?

400
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,653
I have the emergency contacts.

401
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:35,239
Just lay them on a chair.
I'll take it from here.

402
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,950
So, what you up to this weekend?

403
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,096
Hanging out
with some friends, probably.

404
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,289
Well, if you do anything
crazy, give me a shout.

405
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,291
Yeah. All right,
I will see you Monday.

406
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,417
All right.

407
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,129
(Sighing)

408
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,386
Dwight?

409
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,472
Michael, did you finish yet?
This close.

410
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:00,824
Dwight, may I speak
with you for a minute?

411
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:01,932
I'm busy.

412
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:04,268
Well, busier,
but I'm making the time.

413
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,562
Michael, can't your
conversation wait till Monday?

414
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,730
We wanna go home.

415
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,167
Well, you don't even have
anybody to go home to, Toby, so...

416
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,791
The shipping place
closes in a half hour.

417
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:12,902
I know,

418
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,530
but I have been carrying
the load on my back all day.

419
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,992
And if everyone would
just chip in a little bit,

420
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:22,119
it might help me out.

421
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,164
What do you say? Let's
gang-bang this thing and go home.

422
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,874
Good? Dwight.

423
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,467
This is illegal. I don't care.

424
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:43,224
I have been testing you the
entire day. Did you know that?

425
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,019
Of course.

426
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,480
And I'm happy to say
that you passed.

427
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,983
So, effective immediately,
I am promoting you

428
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:57,279
from assistant to the regional
manager, to assistant regional manager.

429
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,576
Michael, I don't know...

430
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,703
I know,

431
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,496
I know, I know, I know.

432
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,124
I wouldn't be offering it if I
didn't think you could handle it.

433
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,417
I can handle it. I can.

434
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,668
I know. Okay.

435
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,795
(Sighs)

436
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:17,049
So, I guess,
this will just be my office.

437
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:20,052
No, no, title change only.

438
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,263
I'll have Pam send
out a memo. No, no.

439
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,764
Three month probationary period.

440
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,684
Let's just not tell anybody
about this right now.

441
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,770
Just a formality.
Absolutely. But not really.

442
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,564
Michael,

443
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:38,779
I have so much
to learn from you.

444
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:40,448
Yes, you do.

445
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,911
Thank you,

446
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,456
sensei

447
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,753
and, ditto.

448
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:58,215
I told Dwight
that there is honor in losing,

449
00:20:58,299 --> 00:21:01,051
which, as we all know,
is completely ridiculous.

450
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:04,764
But there is, however, honor
in making a loser feel better,

451
00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:07,057
which is what
I just did for Dwight.

452
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,394
Would I rather be feared
or loved?

453
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,813
Easy. Both.

454
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:16,192
I want people to be afraid
of how much they love me,

455
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:19,612
and I think I proved that
today at the dojo.

456
00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:21,405
Typemnnertoflure! Senseh

457
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,073
typewriter torture! Stop!

458
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,492
Typewriter!