1 00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,308 You should get one of these. 2 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,851 No, thank you. 3 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,103 Do you even know what this is? 4 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,941 It is a fitness orb and it has completely changed my life. 5 00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:29,112 Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts. 6 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,197 Done. 7 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:34,409 This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. 8 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,079 Sorry. It's all right. 9 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,790 Numerous health benefits, 10 00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,127 strengthens your back, 11 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,255 better performance in sports, 12 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,715 more enjoyable sex. 13 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,384 You're not having sex. 14 00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:55,556 Plus, improves yourreflexes. 15 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:57,933 See, I would have caught that. 16 00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,561 Okay, you know what, how much is that? 17 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,020 It's only 25 bucks. 18 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,272 Wow. 19 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,440 Okay. 20 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,402 Pam, can I see you in my office? 21 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,489 Pam: It's performance review day, company-wide. 22 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,618 Last year, my performance review started 23 00:01:57,701 --> 00:02:01,163 with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were 24 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:05,667 and it ended with him telling me he could bench press 190 pounds. 25 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,962 So, I don't really know what to expect. 26 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,089 Pam, you're trustworthy. Thank you. 27 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,466 Oh, no. And a woman. 28 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:16,178 And I want you to listen to a voicemail from my boss. 29 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,182 Jan: Michael, it's jan. I guess I missed you. 30 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:23,685 I 'ii be there this afternoon for performance reviews. 31 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:27,564 I hope it's understood that that will be our only topic of discussion. 32 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,774 See you soon. 33 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,525 First impressions? 34 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,987 Just off the top, 35 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,698 I think she'll be here this afternoon. 36 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,200 Michael: My boss is coming in today. 37 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:39,951 The lovely jan Levinson-gould. 38 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,788 Well, no gould, the gould has been... 39 00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,122 Divorce. 40 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:49,920 The awkward part is that this is the first time we'll be seeing each other since... 41 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,339 Well... 42 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,383 Michael: It was really nothing. 43 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:57,135 We just sort of got caught up in the moment. 44 00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,137 The vulnerable divorcée 45 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:04,226 gives herself to the "understanding with rugged good looks" office manager. 46 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:08,313 Just, she didn't want it to continue for some reason. 47 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,316 We both didn't. I didn't want it. 48 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,153 We both didn't want it to continue. It was not professional. 49 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,533 When people say something's mutual, it never is. 50 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,451 But this was mutual. 51 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,995 Jan: I guess I missed you. 52 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,581 "I guess I missed you." 53 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,667 So she misses me? 54 00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:30,794 She missed you. 55 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:36,633 But then she goes on to say, "that will be our only topic of discussion." 56 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,052 That doesn't mean anything. Those are just words. 57 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,512 I have one idea of what it means. 58 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:41,930 Okay, yeah. What? What? 59 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:44,307 Well, I don't think you're gonna be very happy with this. 60 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,017 Oh, great. 61 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:49,896 All right, well, now I'm in a terrible mood. 62 00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,566 Let's do your performance review. 63 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,651 Because she's conflicted. 64 00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:58,864 She has to be professional, but she's fighting feelings for you. 65 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,118 Why... that's great news. That_ 66 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,370 Why would I not like that? 67 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:09,583 Just 'cause that you work together and it might be awkward. 68 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,084 Wow, wow. 69 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,545 All right, let's listen to that again. 70 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,381 Jan: Michael, it's jan. I guess I missed you. 71 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,633 Oh, hey. 72 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,761 Listen, Jim, 73 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,054 here's a little tip for your performance review. 74 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,348 Okay. Tell Michael that 75 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:29,394 we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed Manila file folders. 76 00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,038 We don't have double-tabbed Manila file folders. 77 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,165 Oh, yes, we do. No, we don't. 78 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,749 Yeah, it's a new product. So, you should just suggest that to him 79 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,610 and then he'll be sure to give you a raise. 80 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,028 All right. 81 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,238 Well, I'm not asking for a raise. 82 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:43,200 I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease. 83 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,703 That is so stupid. What if he gives it to you? 84 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,039 Then iwin. 85 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,334 You know what? I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. 86 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,169 Okay. I need to stay focused. 87 00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,338 And I don't have to see you tomorrow or Sunday, 88 00:04:56,421 --> 00:05:00,217 and please don't call me, and we'll see how things go Monday. 89 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,761 Stupid. 90 00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,388 Wait, wait, one thing. 91 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,017 By tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right? 92 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:11,102 Duh. Duh! 93 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,898 Today is Thursday, but Dwight thinks that it's Friday. 94 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,610 And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon. 95 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:22,405 Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words. 96 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,366 Really? Oh, yes. 97 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:28,870 Let's listen to it again, and this time, really listen to the pauses. 98 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:32,082 God, Stanley. That's freaking brilliant. How do you know that? 99 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,042 Did you learn that on the streets? 100 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:37,921 I'm sorry. Oh, it's okay. I did learn it on the streets. 101 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,923 On the ghetto, in fact. 102 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,716 No kidding. 103 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,386 It's all about my bonus. 104 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,973 Michael and jan definitely made out. 105 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,975 Oh! Maybe more. 106 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,812 Oh, also it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. 107 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,397 So, keep that going. 108 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,815 Oh, yay! 109 00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:03,697 Good work, Stanley. Great performance review! 110 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,407 Stanley in the house, everybody! 111 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,326 Angela, your turn. 112 00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:10,954 Angela: I actually look forward to performance reviews. 113 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:15,375 I did the youth beauty pageant circuit and I enjoyed that quite a bit. 114 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,086 I really enjoy being judged. 115 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:22,924 I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny. 116 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,301 Michael? Yeah? 117 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,802 Jan's on the phone for you. 118 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,056 Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year. 119 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:35,312 Interesting. Jan is calling me. Maybe itwasn't so mutual after all. 120 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,938 Yeah? 121 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,440 Jan: Michael... 122 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,692 Hello. To what do I owe this pleasure? 123 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:44,571 I'm returning your many calls. Well, hello to you, too. 124 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,073 Yeah, I was just... 125 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,451 I just wanted to get some closure 126 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:53,038 on what transpired between us at the meeting 127 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,957 we had in the parking lot of the chili's. 128 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,630 No, we won't be discussing that, Michael. 129 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:04,466 The only things I wanna talk about during your performance review 130 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:07,594 are your concrete ideas to improve your branch. 131 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:11,973 Well, surely, this review is a formality 132 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:16,853 because of what happened at our meeting in the parking lot of the chili's. 133 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,981 The review is anything but a formality, Michael. 134 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,359 And I expect you to forget anything 135 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,236 that you think may have happened between us 136 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,239 and exhibit completely professional behavior. 137 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,407 Been thinking about you. 138 00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:33,286 Okay, that is an example of completely unprofessional behavior. 139 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,622 I don't see how that's unprofessional. 140 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:36,957 Michael? Yeah? 141 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,292 Are the cameras in there with you, in your office? 142 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,044 No. They are not. 143 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:44,881 Yes, they are. 144 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,135 That's my girlfriend. 145 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,973 I heard they made out and had sex. 146 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,433 I heard they just made out. That's it. 147 00:07:56,977 --> 00:08:01,648 Well, I heard they made out and had sex. 148 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,566 Don't talk about it. 149 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:08,154 Office romances are nobody's business but the people involved. 150 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,283 Romances? 151 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:16,788 Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis, I know I do. 152 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,417 I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. 153 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:25,296 Is there any chance that you wrote any of my ideas down in a folder, 154 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,715 like an idea folder? 155 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:27,799 Sorry. 156 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:28,883 That's unfortunate. 157 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,847 How about the suggestion box? There's tons of ideas in there. 158 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:34,973 What suggestion box? 159 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,100 The suggestion box that I put out. 160 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,686 And people could put in suggestions anonymously. 161 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,187 Maybe there's prizes. 162 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:44,649 Oh, yeah, I think I remember that from back when I first started. 163 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:47,694 Why don't you find it and then tell people to get their... 164 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,005 No, never mind. I'll tell them. 165 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:52,157 Hello? Everybody? Yeah, attention, please. 166 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,409 Jan Levinson's coming very soon 167 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:58,371 and so we're gonna have our weekly suggestion box meeting. 168 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:02,250 So you can all get in your constructive compliments asap. 169 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,127 Don't you mean constructive criticism? 170 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,211 What did I say? 171 00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,732 You said constructive compliments. That doesn't make any sense. 172 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,216 Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment, 173 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,136 so maybe you should stop criticizing my English 174 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:16,222 and start making some suggesfions, okay? 175 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,726 Hey, Dan, this is Jim. It is about 11:15 176 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:22,020 and I wanted to know what you were up to tomorrow, 177 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:25,899 which is the 15th, and that is a... 178 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,650 Saturday. Saturday. 179 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,503 So just let me know what you're doing tomorrow, 180 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,862 Saturday, for lunch. 181 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,822 Okay, talk to you soon. 182 00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:38,119 Jan: Address this when we meet again. 183 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,914 Okay. Okay, bye-bye. 184 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,392 Would you please tell Michael that I'm here? 185 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,459 Pam: Sure. 186 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,045 Hi, jan. How are you? Hi, Michael. I'm good. How are you? 187 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,129 Good to see you. 188 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,090 Nice to see you. Okay. 189 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:53,259 Okay, why don't we just step to my office? 190 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,096 We're gonna go in here. Could we please go into your office? 191 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,098 Yeah, right after you. 192 00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,182 Apre's vous. 193 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,266 No calls. 194 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,652 I'll get that. Oh, thank you. 195 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,196 It's nice to see you. Nice to see you, too, Michael. 196 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,782 Really? Not like that. 197 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:16,866 Oh, well... 198 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:21,079 You know, Michael, I think I need to make something clear right off the top. 199 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:24,958 I'm not going to discuss anything with you other than dunder Mifflin business. 200 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,668 Ahrqht penod. 201 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,003 Do we understand each other? Absolutely. 202 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,756 I'm a little confused because first it's, like, all kissy-kissy 203 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,926 and then it's, like, all regret because, "oh, I regret that. 204 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,720 "But, wait, I'm still gonna call you. 205 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,473 "But we're just gonna talk business, 206 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,560 "and I may come down there and fire you if you don't do your job." 207 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,771 But what were we talking about when we first kissed? 208 00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:47,856 Business. 209 00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,567 So, are you still in the middle of the performance reviews then? 210 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,279 No, no, no. Ifinished all that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. 211 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,990 Not like, "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am." 212 00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,449 But I do say, "thank you, ma'am." 213 00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:01,202 But I'm not like, "wham bam." 214 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:05,790 Not that there's anything wrong with "wham bam," if it's consensual. 215 00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:09,127 We're talking about office stuff. 216 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,673 Can I ask you a question? No. 217 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:17,093 This is a business question. It's nothing personal, I promise. 218 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,720 Fine. 219 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,890 Are you wearing a new perfume today? 220 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,475 How is that a business question? 221 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,520 Well, you're wearing it at the office, and... 222 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:31,232 It... I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy. 223 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,817 Please don't smell me, Michael. 224 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,282 Hey, Jim. Hey. How's it going? 225 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,325 Oh, my god, did you see the apprentice last night? 226 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:44,287 Of course. It's on every Thursday night, so how could I miss it? 227 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,599 Can you believe who trump fired? No, that was unbelievable. 228 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,458 Who? Who was it? Who did he fire? 229 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,293 You didn't see it? 230 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,671 I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! 231 00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:58,009 Never go out on a Thursday night. What the hell was I thinking? 232 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,136 I don't understand... 233 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,722 Hold on. Sorry. 234 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,265 Yes, Pam. 235 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,726 Pam: Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting. 236 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,812 I'm kind of in the middle of something. Lwish you wouldn't interrupt. 237 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:10,939 You told me to buzz you 238 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,107 about the suggestion box meeting when jan was here. 239 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,443 I did not, not, not use those words. 240 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:18,196 I'd like to sit in on that meeting. Is it happening right now? 241 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,423 No, it's in, like, 10 minutes. 242 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,574 E veryone's waiting in the conference room. 243 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,326 Great. Very good. 244 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:32,543 Michael: Why are we here? Because I value your opinions. 245 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:36,297 Now, I know a lot of you don't think that I read your suggestions, but I do. 246 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:38,716 I just sift through them every week 247 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:43,304 and I really look and scrutinize to see what you guys are writing. 248 00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:47,517 So, let's just read some of these suckers, okay? 249 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,352 All right. Number one. 250 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,521 "What should we do to prepare for y2k?" 251 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,690 "What should we do to prepare for y2k?" 252 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,167 I thought you read these every week? 253 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,568 Well, obviously, this one got stuck in the box. 254 00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,487 That happens occasionally. 255 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,198 Dwight: It happens occaflonahy and, so... 256 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:04,909 One down! Next suggestion. 257 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:09,831 "We need better outreach for employees fighting depression." 258 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,583 Okay. All right, enough with the jokes. 259 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,669 Nobody in here is suffering from depression. 260 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,629 That sounds serious, Michael. 261 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:19,048 Oh, okay. Well, yeah? Who wrote it? 262 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,258 Tom? Tom. 263 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:22,760 Then, it is a joke because there's nobody in here named Tom. 264 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:26,347 Tom? He worked in accounting up until about a year ago. 265 00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,392 Tom. 266 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,397 Oh, that guy? That guy was weird. 267 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,233 Lmlnght, nextsuggesfion. Nextsuggesfion. 268 00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:41,404 "You need to do something about your b.O." 269 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,614 "You need to do something about your b.O." 270 00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:47,368 Okay. Now, I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, 271 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,704 but it's more of a personal suggestion. 272 00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,497 And it's not an office suggestion. 273 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:54,292 Far be it from me to use this as a platform to embarrass anybody. 274 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,670 Aren't the suggestions meant for you? 275 00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,840 Well, Toby, if by me 276 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:04,177 you are inferring that I have b.O., 277 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:08,139 then I would say that that is a very poor choice of words. 278 00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:11,851 Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. You were inferring. 279 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,353 Was I, creed? 280 00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:16,814 Okay, well, you know what I am implying 281 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:21,194 is that when we're on an elevator together, I should maybe take the stairs. 282 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,279 Because talk about stank. 283 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,823 Not that I would ever say something like that in public, 284 00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,658 and I never have, and I never will. 285 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:31,746 I just think it's something that we should all be aware of, okay? 286 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,999 Now that we've learned this, let's continue. 287 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,084 See, this is good. 288 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,045 We're learning and we're figuring some stuff out. 289 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,568 "You need to do something about your coffee breath." Okay, no! 290 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,109 "You need to do something..." Shut up, shut up, shut up, Dwight. Okay. 291 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:48,554 I don't think you people are grasping the concept of the suggestion box. 292 00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:51,599 Somefimesyou talk to us real close. Yeah? 293 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,352 Is that hard for you? All right. Well... 294 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,579 Well, when you have coffee breath it's hard... 295 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,604 I'll work on that. 296 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,980 Okay, let's keep going. 297 00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,232 Dwight: Just keep it going. 298 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:05,405 Yup. What do we have here? We have somebody's piece of gum. 299 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:09,700 Somebody put a piece of gum in there. This is not a garbage can. 300 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:13,746 This is the future of our company. This is not a place for gum, okay? 301 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,249 I don't want to have to read these tomorrow. 302 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,584 Yeah. Who wants to come in on a Saturday? 303 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:21,754 Yeah... what? All right. Next suggestion. 304 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,506 "Next suggestion." 305 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,927 "Don't..." okay, that's blank. Don't... just... 306 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,763 Put it... "Don't sleep with your boss." 307 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,642 Do you think this is referring to you boning jan? 308 00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:37,579 I can't... I don't understand why you're so upset. 309 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:38,664 I can't... all right, please sit down. 310 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,290 I'm going to sit over here, you're gonna sit over there. 311 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,542 Why are you... Let me ask you this. 312 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,502 Please sit yourself down. Let me ask you something. 313 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,945 What, Michael? Where did you get your outfit? 314 00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:53,035 You're gonna give me this raise. I deserve this raise. 315 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,873 Yes! Yes! Yes! 316 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:02,503 The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation. 317 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,924 Yes! Why are you gonna give me this raise? 318 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,388 Because I'm awesome! 319 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,599 I am awesome! 320 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:19,687 I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened. 321 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,856 Because nothing did, Michael. 322 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:26,986 I'm not gonna say anything more about it and I would advise that you do the same. 323 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,446 Look_. Michael. 324 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,823 Oh, my god. I'm sorry. I'm interrupting. Oh, god. 325 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,701 Were you guys making out? No, Dwight. Come in. 326 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,286 Great. What do you want, Dwight? 327 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,455 I am ready for my performance review. 328 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,664 Okay, great. 329 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:42,752 Your performance has been adequate. You may leave. Goodbye. 330 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,881 Is this how you've been conducting all the reviews, Michael? 331 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:49,133 Do you want to talk now? Good. Okay, Dwight, leave. 332 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,427 Wait, I would like to discuss my raise. 333 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,013 Why on earth would we give you a raise? 334 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:57,391 That is an excellent question. Thank you for asking it. 335 00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:02,480 Let me bring up one word. Dedication. 336 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,400 I have never been late. 337 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:10,821 Also, I have never missed a day due to illness, 338 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,282 even when I had walking pneumonia. 339 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,785 I even come in on holidays. 340 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,828 You do? How do you get in? 341 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,539 I have a copy of your key. 342 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:22,208 That's a serious offense. That is a serious offense. 343 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,793 Very serious. 344 00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,920 As is toying with a man's heart. 345 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,588 Oh, Michael, for god's sakes. 346 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:30,675 I'd also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace. 347 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,344 Okay, third wheel, why don't you do that? For instance, 348 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,507 the time I brought in deerjerky for the whole office. 349 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,683 That was deer? Gross. Oh, god! Dwight: You liked it. 350 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,643 Did not. Jan, have you ever had deer? 351 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,186 It's a delicacy. No. 352 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,021 And, you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. 353 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,189 So when we're done here, 354 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,917 you guys could go over to the antler lodge, 355 00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,734 sample some deer, and talk about my raise. 356 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,069 What do you say, jan? 357 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,696 Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. 358 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,614 I'm gonna step outside, collect my thoughts, 359 00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,449 and I will return in about 10 minutes. 360 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:58,869 Okay, you just clear your head. Thank you, Dwight. 361 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,956 Look, I know it's your job, I know you have to ask, 362 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,709 but I promise you I'm not gonna discuss it with him, 363 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,128 I'm certainly not gonna discuss it with you. 364 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,879 Do you have alight? 365 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:12,717 And in conclusion, I think Lex Luther said it best when he said, 366 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,469 "dad, you have no idea 367 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,847 "what I'm capable of." 368 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,016 That's from Superman? Smallville. 369 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:24,937 And that is why I feel I deserve this raise. 370 00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:31,402 Pam: Do you think Michael and jan actually... 371 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:35,239 I don't really wanna picture it. But thank you, Pam. 372 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,116 How do you come back from that? 373 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,410 You don't, 374 00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,621 I don't think, come all the way back, you know. 375 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,247 Especially working together. 376 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,333 No, I mean doing that with Michael. 377 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:48,252 How do you come back from that as a human being? 378 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,671 Yeah. No, I don't think you can. 379 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,132 I'm heading back to New York. 380 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,801 Alan and I will conduct your performance review 381 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:56,927 over the phone tomorrow. 382 00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:58,572 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay? Good. 383 00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:01,599 No, no, no, come... I just want to know why. 384 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,809 Michael, now is not the time or the place. 385 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,829 Okay, so you're saying that there is a different time or place 386 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:06,913 that we could have this discussion? 387 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,398 No. I am saying we are never gonna have this conversation. 388 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,568 Well, okay. What? Never? As in never, ever, ever? 389 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,904 Or never as in there's still a chance? 390 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,156 Never for me always means never, ever, ever. 391 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:21,369 I just want to know, from the horse's mouth, what is the dealio? 392 00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:22,846 You know, Michael... Am I too short? 393 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,640 Michael, it has nothing to do with your looks, okay? 394 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:28,417 It's your personality. I mean, you're obnoxious, and rude, 395 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:33,673 and stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way. 396 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:36,509 And I don't agree about the b.O., 397 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,595 but you are very, very inconsiderate. 398 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,556 Really? Really.Youte_. 399 00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,392 You're a great guy, okay? 400 00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,102 I appreciate that, thank you. 401 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,603 And you were very sweet. 402 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,564 And you stayed up with me and talked to me 403 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,817 and cried with me, and I appreciate that. 404 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,527 No, I didn't. I was... I don't cry. 405 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:58,072 But I just am not in a place right now where I'm looking for a relationship. 406 00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:02,368 So, we can still work together, we can still be friends, but... 407 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:05,871 Okay? 408 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,750 So my looks have nothing to do with it? 409 00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,585 Oh, god. 410 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:19,635 Jan is not in a place where she feels she can have a relationship right now, 411 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,680 and it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. 412 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,015 And that is all I needed. 413 00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,727 I'm good. I can go home now. 414 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,449 Hey, it's 12:20. Where the hell's Dwight? 415 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:43,826 Noidea. 416 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,036 "Never missed a day," my ass. 417 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,466 I'm here! I'm here! 418 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,553 I'm here. It's okay!