1 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,219 So have you found a band yet for your wedding? 2 00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:12,596 No. 'Cause I'm in a band. 3 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,014 We really rock. 4 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,283 Yeah. I mean, it's inevitable. 5 00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:19,061 I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it. 6 00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,730 She hears me arranging my social life. 7 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:25,526 And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet. 8 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,069 So it evens out. 9 00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,321 Oh, I got the save-the-date. Yeah? 10 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,281 Yeah. Pretty stationery. Oh, thanks. 11 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,991 Angela: I didn't get mine yet. 12 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,957 There are a few people I decided not to invite, 13 00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:44,044 and that might make things kind of awkward, 14 00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:46,046 but it's my wedding. 15 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,925 And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy. 16 00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:26,795 Yes, thanks. Fantastic sams, adult cut plus. 17 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,464 Comes with a shampoo and blow-dry. 18 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:33,385 We're doing ID photos today. Gotta represent. 19 00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:36,680 On or off? Off. 20 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:37,848 Okay. 21 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:42,561 Oh, what is on your face? Is that a disguise? 22 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,438 Excuse me. 23 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:47,149 Clown paint. 24 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:51,612 ID badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. 25 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:55,073 Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. 26 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,200 I sat at my desk all day 27 00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,662 with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. 28 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:03,707 Can you imagine if I was deranged? 29 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:05,917 Michael: That's a nice tie. 30 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,254 Thank you. 31 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:12,424 That is... who makes that? I don't know. 32 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,968 Do you mind if I wear that for the photo? 33 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,013 Let's... let's keep our clothes. 34 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,724 Oscar: It's like child abuse! 35 00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:26,313 I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby! 36 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,023 I mean, on so many levels! 37 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,959 And I'm supposed to work there? I'm supposed to... 38 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,526 What's the dealio? 39 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,946 Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, 40 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,341 but the photographer's back there. 41 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,158 What's the problem? Angela. 42 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:41,995 There's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace. 43 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,163 Since Christmas. 44 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,873 So, what, you're having a little spat? 45 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,875 I forget, are you guys dating? No. 46 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:49,878 Michael, can I talk to you for a second, please? 47 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:50,962 Yes. 48 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:54,216 Here's how I usually handle this. All I do is listen, you know? 49 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,551 These things just have a way of working themselves out. 50 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,596 It's like if you write someone a letter when you're really angry, 51 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,449 they say to keep it in a drawer for a couple of days 52 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,475 and then you just never end up sending it. 53 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,477 What do you know about conflict resolution? 54 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,355 Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So... 55 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,564 Okay. Okay, what? 56 00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:10,728 That was the right decision 57 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:13,044 for me and my marriage. Yeah. Well, that's not gonna fly here, 58 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,779 because in this office it is fill death do us part. 59 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,823 Assuming that we don't get downsized. 60 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:22,494 Pam, would you get Angela and meet us in the conference room, please? 61 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,872 A "mediators toolchest." 62 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:31,628 Okay. Well, before we get started, you should know 63 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:35,507 that there are five different styles of conflict. 64 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:39,553 My Shaolin temple ster defeats your monkey ster. 65 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:42,764 Can we go? I have a lot of work to do. No. This is important. 66 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:45,767 Okay. The first ster islosejose. What's the next one? 67 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:49,396 Just hold on, please. Okay. 68 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:53,358 If we do lose-lose, neither of you gets what you want. 69 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:55,777 Do you understand? 70 00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,282 You would both lose. 71 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:05,662 Now, I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose-lose negotiation? 72 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:10,333 Can we just skip to whatever number five is, win-win or whatever. 73 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,461 Win-win is number four. 74 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,630 And number five is win-win-win. 75 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:19,676 The important difference here is with win-win-win, we all win. 76 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,681 Me, too. Iwin for having successfully mediated a conflict at work. 77 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:28,935 Okay. So this is the disputed poster. 78 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:33,940 Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings, 79 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,194 using emotion language, 80 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,405 and no judging or "you" statements. 81 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:44,618 I got this poster for Christmas and I feel I want to see it every day. 82 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,412 It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, 83 00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,873 and god has a really cute sense of humor. 84 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,210 Come on. Seriously, that? I don't like looking at it. 85 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,213 It's creepy and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. 86 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,007 It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers 87 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,926 who forced the babies into it. 88 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:05,472 It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art, it destroys souls. 89 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,808 This is so much more offensive to me than hard-core porn. 90 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,769 Okay, okay, okay. Stop. Stop. Stop. 91 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:15,607 Let's see if we can't just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives 92 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,108 that are win-win. Win. 93 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:18,276 Yes. Thank you, Pam. 94 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,239 How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, 95 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,992 which Oscar wears. That way he can never see it 96 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:29,704 and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. 97 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,790 Win-win-win. No. 98 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:32,874 That's... no. 99 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,210 Okay. Well, brainstorm. Own the solution. 100 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,711 How about I leave it up? 101 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,338 How about she takes it down? 102 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:42,425 How about Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays? 103 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,887 Okay. That is called a compromise. 104 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:49,307 And it is style three, and it is not ideal. 105 00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,978 To sum up, win-win: Make the poster into a t-shirt. 106 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,397 Win-lose: Take the poster down. 107 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,399 Compromise: Tuesdays and Thursdays. 108 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,568 And the answer is 109 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,780 make the poster into a t-shirt. Win-win. 110 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,865 Win. Fine. 111 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,908 But” hisdone. 112 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,289 No, you're all good. Great. 113 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,630 Pam: Hey, Angela. I didn't have your zip code. 114 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,549 Oh. Thanks. 115 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,847 It was hand-delivered. But I did get a save-the-date after all. 116 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,516 It's not my taste. 117 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,144 You solved it? Yes. 118 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:37,397 Well, good. We can throw that one out. 119 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,567 Are those all the other complaints? Mmm-hmm. 120 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,485 I would like to see those, please. 121 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,739 I can't do that. You can't do that, huh? 122 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,115 Okay. 123 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:50,994 Now you and I have a conflict. I order you to give me that file. 124 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,039 Okay. That_ 125 00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,793 There. No more conflict. 126 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,796 I had to use win-lose on that. It was not pretty. 127 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,757 All right. Is that it? 128 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,932 It's all Dwight's. 129 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:15,477 Every Friday at 4:00 I have a standing appointmentwith Dwight 130 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,812 for him to file a grievance against Jim. 131 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:21,149 I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. 132 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,860 That box is the special file in New York. 133 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,488 Oh, god. All right. 134 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,949 Why do I have to do everything? 135 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,868 Photographer: Are you sure? Oh, he's sure. Just shoot. 136 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,416 This is from Kevin. 137 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,962 He says Stanley uses his miracle whip without asking. 138 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:45,840 Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning 139 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,842 and the lights are too bright. 140 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,386 Creed... 141 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,432 Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day, 142 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:58,436 and wants a seat facing the receptionist. Nice. 143 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,941 You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me. 144 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,070 Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. 145 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:10,031 This is January 146 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,867 through march of this year. 147 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:19,416 How many of you have, at one time, gone to Toby 148 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,668 to complain about another employee? 149 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,338 And did you get what you wanted? 150 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,465 Or were you merely listened to, 151 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,260 you forget about your problem and you move on? 152 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,904 All: Merely listened to and forgotten. 153 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,471 That is outrageous. 154 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,598 I love this place, 155 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:40,979 and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering. 156 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,398 Okay. 157 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:48,528 Today we are going to get everything out of these files and into the open 158 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,113 where it can be resolved. 159 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:53,783 All right. How about the Phyllis-Angela dispute. 160 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,411 You already did me. Michael: That's what she said. 161 00:08:56,703 --> 00:09:00,874 The thing is, Angela, you are in here an awful lot. 162 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:04,127 You have complained about everybody in the office, except Dwight, 163 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,881 which is odd because everyone else has had run-ins with Dwight. 164 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,383 Toby, by the way, what does "redacted" mean? 165 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,470 There is a file full of complaints in here marked "redacted"? 166 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,514 Yeah. It just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it. 167 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:19,309 So, I just took their name off. Okay. 168 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,978 There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight 169 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,248 that were put in the redacted file about six months ago. 170 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:28,735 Wait. If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago? 171 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,157 Let's move on. 172 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:37,410 I volunteer. Did anyone have a problem with me? 173 00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:40,038 All right. Pamela! Come on down! 174 00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,623 Let's do it. 175 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:45,668 And... okay. Just one complaint. 176 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:49,547 Actually, it has been withdrawn. So that is no help to us. Next! 177 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:50,924 Wait. What did it say? 178 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,885 "Does she have to plan her wedding on office time?" 179 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,054 "Shouldn't she do that at home?" 180 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,098 Michael: Who else? 181 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:02,060 Why don't we just warm up first? Warm up emotionally. All right? 182 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,312 Pam: I have this kind of big secret about Angela. 183 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:08,066 And I've been really nice to her, and I haven't told anyone, and_. 184 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:09,984 What the hell! 185 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,737 Here is a Kelly complaint. 186 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:16,032 "Ryan never returns my calls." Join the club. 187 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,786 My voicemail's real spotty sometimes. 188 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,913 I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking. 189 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,414 To your hr representative. 190 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:26,167 To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn. 191 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,879 Fine. I'll take your name off so no one will know. 192 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,550 Making progress. Yes? 193 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,944 Dwight tried to kiss me. Dwight: What? 194 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,488 And I didn't tell anyone 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it. 195 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,014 That is not true. Redact it. Redact it. 196 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,617 Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. 197 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,361 I just really think we should talk about it. 198 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,187 Okay. Question. When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply 199 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,982 to the permanent misbehavior file in New York? 200 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:50,900 Sure. 201 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,487 Michael: Stanley, you got a lot of anger underthere, buddy... 202 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,157 Hey, thanks for ratting me out. I didn't do it. 203 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,511 I find that hard to believe, considering you have problems with every single person 204 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,454 in this entire office except bobblehead Joe. 205 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:10,378 Someone complained that the men's room is whites only. 206 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,756 Stanley, you know that's not true. I didn't say that. 207 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,926 Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door. 208 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:24,559 Okay. Phyllis, you complained that Angela is giving you dirty looks 209 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,187 and you tried to get off the party-planning committee. 210 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,440 I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close. 211 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:34,611 And, also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much 212 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,862 and that that bugs him. 213 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,948 Stanley and I are close, too. We sit close. 214 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,074 Michael: Okay. 215 00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:43,870 Just take it. 216 00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:47,332 I can't believe Angela. 217 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,793 And iwent against my betterjudgment and I gave her a save-the-date. 218 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,087 And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby. 219 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,797 Well, it was redacted. 220 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,093 Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends. 221 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,845 Don't take her side. 222 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,986 Well, what does Roy think about everything? 223 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,538 I don't know. I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff. 224 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,520 You mean, like your thoughts and feelings. 225 00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:10,605 Yeah. Yeah. 226 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,984 I know you keep saying it's your space even though there's no assigned parking, 227 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,152 but I keep forgetting. 228 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,488 Yes, that's the problem. I guess so. 229 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,658 Okay. Well, all settled then. 230 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,453 I don't like you. 231 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,373 Okay. Ryan, you told Toby 232 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:32,001 that creed has a distinct old man smell? 233 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,964 I know exactly what he's talking about. 234 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,384 I sprout mung beans on damp paper towel in my desk drawer. 235 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:42,178 Very nutritious, but they smell like death. 236 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:47,225 All right, Kevin. You are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela 237 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,394 that made her feel uncomfortable. 238 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:54,232 Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin 239 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,860 that will make him uncomfortable. I accept your decision. 240 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:02,282 Hey, you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo ID taken together. 241 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,326 That doesn't make any sense. Well, it saves time, you know. 242 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:08,454 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning, walk in together. 243 00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:09,580 Perfect. 244 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:10,999 Ph o to gra phe r: Smile. N o. 245 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,459 I never smile, if I can help it. 246 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,504 Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. 247 00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:20,967 When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. 248 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,138 This came out really well. 249 00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,390 There you go. 250 00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:35,064 This is humongous. I am not a security threat. 251 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:39,235 And my middle name is Kurt, not fart. 252 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:40,778 What did I write? 253 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,868 I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file. 254 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,162 Talk to Michael. I gave him the box. 255 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,122 What box? 256 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,501 I didn't report yoursnonng_. 257 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,466 Over here. God, god, god! 258 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,134 No! No! 259 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,863 Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand. 260 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:08,056 Okay. Calm down. No, you calm down. 261 00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,783 Whose side is Toby on? Whose side are you on? 262 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,809 Hey! Him or me? Him or me? 263 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,687 I cannot work with Jim anymore. Either he goes or I go. 264 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,189 Dwight. Stop. You choose! 265 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:18,900 One of us is out of here by the end of today! 266 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,404 Okay. 267 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,867 I am not bluffing. Okay? Okay. Yes. 268 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,230 Do the right thing here, Michael. 269 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:33,623 Okay. I have served you onally for years. I deserve this. You know I do. 270 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,920 You know, your ID says you're a security threat. 271 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,089 You have till 5:00. 272 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,095 Dwight: Oh, look, Jim. 273 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:50,556 There's a sales manager position open in stamford. 274 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:54,060 Want me to call jan and tell her you're interested? 275 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:57,897 I could put in a good word for you 'cause I'll still be working here. 276 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,066 Transfer. Transfer. 277 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:03,820 Everybody! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer! 278 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,031 Okay, you two. In the conference room with me. 279 00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,618 Nobody leaves until we work this out. 280 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,620 Cage match. 281 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,998 Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? 282 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,293 If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage. 283 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,129 Okay. So, Dwight, in your own words, 284 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:25,591 "someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert. 285 00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:31,013 "Everyone has called me Dwayne all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to." 286 00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:36,394 Yes. 5 bucks each and it was totally worth it. 287 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:39,856 "This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, 288 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:43,192 "and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. 289 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,736 "I think he may be the real murderer." 290 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:48,948 "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room. 291 00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:52,285 "When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." 292 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,287 Gag. 293 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:59,167 "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone." 294 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:02,813 Jim: That actually took a while. 295 00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:05,756 I had to put more and more nickels into his handset, 296 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:09,802 till he got used to the weight. And then I just took them all out. 297 00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:14,015 "Every time I typed my name, it said diapers." 298 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,602 Just a simple macro. 299 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:22,231 You know, these actually don't sound that funny, one after another. 300 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,400 But he does deserve it, though. 301 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,488 "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier." 302 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,950 Yeah. I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. 303 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,787 And that's how I spent my entire day, that day. 304 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:04,106 Michael: The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage, 305 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,235 where they dig into your body very hard. 306 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:11,072 And it is very painful and, apparently, some people throw up. 307 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,658 But the next day they feel great. 308 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,786 I've never had one. They sound awful. 309 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,419 Maybe stamford would be cool. 310 00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:28,923 It's a good market. 311 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,885 Yeah. Higher volume. 312 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,306 Maybe we should both go. 313 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,016 I have a girlfriend. 314 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,935 Sure you do, Dwight. Sure. 315 00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:44,647 Hey. There's, like, 300 more of these. 316 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,232 Let's get to them later. 317 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,915 So, are you going to transfer Jim or not? 318 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:51,404 Maybe. I haven't decided yet. Let's get to work. 319 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,698 I want an answer by tomorrow. Okay. 320 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,785 Actually, tomorrow's not good. How about later in the week? 321 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,539 Fine. Good. Okay. 322 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:10,298 Hey! Wait. How about a group picture, while you're here? 323 00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:12,192 I can't. I only get reimbursed for the ID photos. 324 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,719 Well, it's a computer camera, right? 325 00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:18,347 You mean digital? Yeah. It'll take like two seconds. 326 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,016 20 bucks. 327 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,268 All right. 328 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,229 Everybody, come on! Group photo for the newsletter! 329 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,939 You've gotta be kidding. 330 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,625 Michael: Come on, everybody. Come on. Let's go. 331 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,444 Creed, Kevin, Oscar, andale! Let's go. 332 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,447 One, two, three, smile. 333 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:35,948 Try to smile. 334 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,135 We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts. 335 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,303 All right, I'm just gonna take it on three, 336 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,369 whether you smile or not. 337 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,746 One, two, three. 338 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:43,998 Good. Let's check that out. 339 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,960 Okay. All right. One more. Take one more. 340 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,046 That'll be another $20. What? 341 00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,857 Angela, I want to talk to you about something. 342 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:52,882 What? No, Pam. 343 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,008 I am. 344 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:56,011 It's about the save-the-date. Pam, it wasn't her. 345 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,178 What? 346 00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:00,681 I'm the one who complained about you. 347 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,103 I didn't know that Toby was going to write it down. 348 00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,188 Michael: Good. 349 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:08,631 I was just venting. Check that out. 350 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,191 You know, itwasjust... It was one day. 351 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,442 Michael: That's terrible. 352 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,736 I took it right back. It was just like... 353 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,114 Okay. 354 00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,282 Oh, dear. 355 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,536 Okay. 356 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,081 We can do this. Come on, everybody. 357 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,169 All right. Here we go. 358 00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:34,590 Michael: It was really hard getting a good picture of 15 people. 359 00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:38,010 He would not give me a discount, and eight tries added up. 360 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,804 One, two... 361 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,431 Didn't say "three," did I? 362 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,226 But I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, 363 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,353 so it turned out fine in the end. 364 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:50,398 When people work together, there is going to be conflict. 365 00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:53,192 You can't outrun your problems. 366 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,404 Hey, Pam. It's Jim. I have a doctor's appointment in the city, 367 00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:59,031 so I probably won't be in till the late afternoon. 368 00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:00,825 Just thought I'd let you know. Okay, bye. 369 00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:05,037 Okay, jan will see you now. Oh, thanks. 370 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,040 Michael: And that is why the idea of a cage match 371 00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,584 is so universally appealing. 372 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,295 But here's the thing about cage matches, 373 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:16,716 sometimes you have to open the cage. 374 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:21,887 And that is something that Toby will never understand.