1 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,047 There you go. 2 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,346 Nice dress, Ryan. 3 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,431 It's not a dress, it's a kurta. 4 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,599 Okay. 5 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:19,394 Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, 6 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:23,607 has invited us all to a diwali celebration put on by her community. 7 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,235 What is diwali, you may ask? 8 00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:29,821 Well, to have Kelly explain it, 9 00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:35,702 (mimicking Kelly) "It's... I have... It's so super fun and it's gonna be great." 10 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,622 A lot of gods with unpronounceable names. 11 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:42,668 Twenty minutes later you find out that it's essentially a hindu Halloween. 12 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,336 You look so handsome. 13 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,879 You really do. 14 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,923 Pam: I love the material. I know. 15 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,466 How come you didn't get me one? 16 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:26,587 Okay. So, between Meredith's minivan 17 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:30,215 and if I borrow Bob's Yukon that should fit about 12 people. 18 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:33,176 I actually might not go. I'm feeling kind of tired. 19 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,054 Do you want to make appletinis and watch sex and the city at my place? 20 00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,807 Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided yet. 21 00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,352 I don't get why you won't go. Did I do something wrong? 22 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,247 I mean, I thought we were really close friends. 23 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,623 I just feel kind of tired, you know? 24 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:46,898 Maybe you've got mono. 25 00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,275 Maybe. 26 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:51,194 I just... I don't really have anyone to go with. 27 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:54,197 Well, go with Dwight. He's single too, right? 28 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,992 Yeah, totally single. Hundred percent available. 29 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,204 Are you guys going to this Indian thing tonight? 30 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,207 I don't know. Who's... who's going? 31 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:08,503 Oh, you mean like, "is Pam going?" 32 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,297 Don't go. They eat monkey brains. 33 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,174 Michael: Hey, hey, hey. Stop that. 34 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,844 That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. 35 00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:19,681 And if they do, sign me up 36 00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:23,018 because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional. 37 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:31,109 It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. 38 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,196 And you know what, Stanley, 39 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,615 come kwanza time, I have got you covered, baby. 40 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,950 I don't celebrate kwanza. 41 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,953 Really? You should. It's fun. 42 00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:44,873 I love the people here. 43 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:50,170 And if there was one thing I don't really care for, 44 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:54,091 is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant 45 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,717 about other cultures. 46 00:02:55,967 --> 00:03:00,681 And I don't want them embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carole. 47 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:05,477 Diwali is a very important holiday for the hindus. 48 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,604 But frankly, I'm a little appalled 49 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:11,066 that none of you know very much about Indian culture. 50 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:15,404 So, without further ado, Kelly, you are on! 51 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:22,828 Diwali is awesome and there's food and there's gonna be dancing, 52 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,871 and I got the raddest outfit. 53 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,665 Kelly? It has sparkles... 54 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:32,170 Why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday? 55 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,048 Oh, I don't know. It's really old, I think. 56 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,008 How many gods do you have? 57 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,553 Like hundreds, I think, maybe more. I don't know. 58 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,680 And that blue, busty gal, what's her story? 59 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,682 She looks like Pam from the neck down. 60 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,434 Dwight: Pam wishes. 61 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,603 Kelly, I'll take this one. 62 00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:52,357 Diwali is a celebration of the coronation of the god-king rama 63 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:56,194 after his epic battle with ravana, the demon-king of Lanka. 64 00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,380 It symbolizes the battle... All right... 65 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,548 Between good and evil... All right. 66 00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,823 This isn't lord of the rings. 67 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:01,700 Here we are. 68 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,287 I'm sorry. 69 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,663 (Phone ringing) 70 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,498 I started biking to work. 71 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,835 Josh does it and he lives a lot farther away than I do. 72 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:16,673 And also it saves gas money, keeps me in shape, helps the environment 73 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:21,678 and now I know it makes me really sweaty for work. 74 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,807 Nice basket. 75 00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,142 Thank you. 76 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:32,981 Now a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million 77 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:36,568 and that's true, but it's also not true, because frankly, 78 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:40,822 there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world. 79 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,700 Here are some famous Indians. 80 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,664 Subrahmanyan chandrasekhar. 81 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:54,419 He is a nobel prize-winning physicist. Impressive. 82 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:58,298 Apu from the Simpsons. Hilarious Indian. 83 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:02,803 M. Night shyamalan, the village, unbreakable, sixth sense... 84 00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,055 "I see dead people." Okay. 85 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,515 Spoiler alert. 86 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,975 He was dead the whole time. Just stop it. 87 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:13,855 What's... oh, what? Where did that come from? 88 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,821 Karen, my chips got stuck in the vending machine again. 89 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,281 Ineed your skinny little arms. 90 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:25,784 Did you shake it? 91 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,370 Yeah, I shook it, I shook it. 92 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,919 We have such a roller-coaster thing, Karen and I. 93 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,964 Excuse me? Roller-coastery friendship. 94 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:44,761 Hot and cold, on again, off again, sexual tension-filled type of deal. 95 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,138 It's very Sam and Diane. 96 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,392 Wow. Yeah? From cheers. Yeah. 97 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:54,813 And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. 98 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,858 I present to you the Kama Sutra. 99 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,278 I mean, look at that. Who has seen that before? 100 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,697 I have, that's union of the monkey. 101 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:06,116 Oh, that's what they call it. 102 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,839 This is the best meeting we have ever had. 103 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,035 Michael: Thank you, Kevin. 104 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,996 You know, I find this incredibly offensive. 105 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,372 Well, I find it beautiful. 106 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,876 Well, whatever Kelly wants to do in her own house is fine, 107 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,878 but we shouldn't all be subjected to it. 108 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,588 Actually, she's right. 109 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,632 This is inappropriate. Why don't I take these? 110 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,110 Michael: No, you're not going to collect them. 111 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,636 Yeah. No, this is a delightful, charming culture. 112 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,848 My Indian cultural seminar was going great until 113 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:34,978 Toby decided he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. 114 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,647 It's just sex, people, everybody does it. 115 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:41,693 I'm doing itwith Carole probably tonight. 116 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,449 All right, I think you guys should be all set. 117 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,701 Oh, here's the corporate card fordinner thanks. 118 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:52,871 Now, Karen, let's keep it to $20 a person this time. 119 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,247 Okay. Got it. 120 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,460 Once a quarter, the sales staff of this branch has to stay late 121 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:01,755 to do order form consolidation which, 122 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:06,134 amazingly, is even less interesting than it sounds. 123 00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,345 You guys ready to party? 124 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:09,930 What's that? 125 00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:13,642 I said, "are you ready to party!" 126 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,896 (Indian music playing) 127 00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,861 Isn't this fun? Not wearing shoes? 128 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,072 I wish some of us still had our shoes on. 129 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:31,034 Stop it. It's a disease. I told you. 130 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,830 I thought you said this was a costume party. 131 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,626 What does that look like to you? 132 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,753 An Indian woman in a sari. 133 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,213 No one's even gonna notice. 134 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,297 Nice outfit. 135 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:48,009 Hey, Kevin. It's a costume. So you can just cool it, okay? 136 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:49,970 Carole? Carole... 137 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,974 I'll have one of those as well. 138 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,809 Thank you very much. Thank you. 139 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,686 Now these are limes, lemons, onions... 140 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,813 I'm a vegetarian. What can I eat? 141 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,023 It's all vegetarian. 142 00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,817 I'll just have some bread. 143 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,612 You used your hands. 144 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,993 Oh, yuck, oh... 145 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:17,288 What, is it too spicy? No. 146 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,250 These s'mores are disgusting. 147 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,544 They're not s'mores, they're samosas. 148 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,089 Do you think they have any s'mores? 149 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,967 All they are is chocolate, Graham cracker and marshmallow. 150 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,177 How difficult would that have been? 151 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:37,642 So, youte Kelly's sisters, huh? 152 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,937 (Speaking in hindi) 153 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,566 What? Rupa, neepa, Tiffany, 154 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,818 stop acting like such little losers and just be cool! 155 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:50,905 Come on, Ryan. Come on. Leave him alone! I hate you guys. 156 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,717 Ryan: They said something about Zach braff... 157 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,075 Don't even listen to them... 158 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,452 No, you know... 159 00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,330 Very official. 160 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:00,999 I decided to come. 161 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,877 I feel a little underdressed, 162 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,589 but at least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? 163 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,674 Is that mean? 164 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,886 (Indian music playing) 165 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,691 Temp! Temp! 166 00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:43,684 I don't even want to hear it, okay? 167 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,043 Stop it. Stop it right now. 168 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,437 I didn't come to diwali to get yelled at. 169 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,588 Ryan is a temporary worker. Makes no money. 170 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:52,217 Vali is a whole doctor, so handsome. Makes good money... 171 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,486 Do you think I want to date a doctor? 172 00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:54,719 And he's a perfect match. 173 00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,557 Hey, big tuna, you ready? 174 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:06,272 One, two, three, shot! 175 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,610 Oh, holy mother of god... 176 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,570 Andy: Oh, that burns! 177 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,240 Andy: Golly... that's good... 178 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,662 (Crazy in love playing) 179 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,179 (Indian music playing) 180 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,306 Wow! Thirty years. 181 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,476 And you two only met once before the wedding night? 182 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,395 Yes. Wow. 183 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,981 How long have you been married to the cheerleader? 184 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,524 (Michael exclaims) 185 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:52,986 She's not a cheerleader! She thought this was a costume party. 186 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,239 No, we're not married 187 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:57,949 yet. 188 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,827 She is very fair. 189 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,997 She is very fair. Very fair and very kind. 190 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:08,334 So, tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing 191 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:11,713 where when you die, she has to throw herself on a fire? 192 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,007 No, okay. 193 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,760 It's still very cool. Okay, thanks. 194 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:26,144 One, two, three, shot! 195 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,732 (Indian music playing) 196 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,407 Are you okay? 197 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,242 I'm gonna be. 198 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:48,875 Hi. I'm just gonna... Just for a sec. Just a sec. 199 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:53,546 Everyone? I'm sorry. Could I have your attention, please? 200 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:58,635 Thank you. Hi. Sorry, I just have an announcement to make. 201 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:06,559 Okay. I have learned a lot about Indian culture tonight, 202 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:10,730 but I have learned even more about love. 203 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,650 And I know you're all thinking, 204 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,861 "who is this crazy gringo and what is he talking about?" 205 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:21,324 Well, I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm crazy in love. 206 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:27,163 So, without further ado, Carole... 207 00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,666 Carol stills, 208 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:38,258 I would like you to do me the honor of making me your husband. 209 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,261 (People exclaiming) 210 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,887 Oh, Michael... 211 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,681 What do you say? 212 00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:48,101 Can we talk about this in private? 213 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,978 I didn't hear you? 214 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,605 Can we talk about this in private? 215 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,275 Oh, you gotta be kidding. 216 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,778 Okay. 217 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,030 (Microphone thuds) 218 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:08,955 No, I get it. I get it. You're not ready. We'll wait. 219 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,332 This is our ninth date, Michael. 220 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,917 Well, yeah. But I... 221 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:16,004 I feel like I've known you many lifetimes. 222 00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:21,384 Maybe I'm hindu after all. Okay, I'm not hindu, but... 223 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:25,930 Carole, Carole, I just... I feel like... I just like you so much. 224 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:30,184 I'd better go. Okay? You can find a way home, all right? 225 00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:31,436 Yes. 226 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:32,770 Okay. Okay. 227 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:37,608 Okay. Good night. 228 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:39,349 Good night. Hey, you know what? 229 00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:41,112 Why don't I come with you? 230 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,948 'Cause I've got this book called the Kama Sutra... 231 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:46,200 Okay, good night, Michael. All right. 232 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,661 Good night. 233 00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,166 (Engine starting) 234 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:58,338 Well, I was a temp, but I got promoted. 235 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,674 So the compensation is a lot more competitive. 236 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,551 So you're saving money now... Yes... 237 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:05,011 To start a family and home? 238 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,555 Oh, or travel? 239 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,266 And buy an Xbox. 240 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,523 Is there anything you wanted to ask us tonight? 241 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,236 Can you believe that my boss proposed to his girlfriend in public? 242 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,364 That is so Michael. Is it? 243 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,783 He's really outgoing, huh? 244 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,368 Yeah. 245 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:31,245 Hey, would you excuse me for a second? 246 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,211 It's hot in there. 247 00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,546 How's the naan? 248 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:41,964 Dry. 249 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,883 You look like you were having fun. 250 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:46,177 I am. You should come dance with us. 251 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:49,097 I have to watch our shoes so they don't get stolen. 252 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,390 Who were you texting? 253 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,474 No one. 254 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,480 (Cell phone buzzing) 255 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:05,071 Andy: (Singing) I went to the doctor I went to the mountains 256 00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,073 I looked to the children... 257 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,325 Andy, no a cappella. 258 00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:16,916 Andy: (Singing) I looked to the children I drank from the fountain 259 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,251 (Andy and Jim singing) 260 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:21,254 There's more than one answer to these questions 261 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,464 pointing me in a crooked line... 262 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:24,882 Wait. 263 00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:28,594 The less I seek my source 264 00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:29,720 oh, come on, guys, please. 265 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:33,015 The closer! Am to fine 266 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,726 the closer! Am to fine 267 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,186 that's not good. 268 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,939 Tuna! Are you kidding me? 269 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:46,821 Oh, my god. 270 00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,532 (Exclaiming) 271 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,951 Wow. That's so spicy. Here. 272 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,035 Yeah. 273 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,246 (Michael exclaims) 274 00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,917 You're waiting for a call? 275 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:07,800 Wow. 276 00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:15,558 Pam, when Carole said, "no," tonight, 277 00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:19,812 I think I finally realized how you must be feeling. 278 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,149 We're both the victims of broken engagements. 279 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:27,028 Well, you were never really engaged. 280 00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:31,532 I was in that marriage arena, though. 281 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,827 Yeah. Yeah. 282 00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,456 Oh, well. 283 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:43,628 I kind of thought something would happen tonight, too. 284 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,466 So alike. 285 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:51,969 So alike. 286 00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,024 What are you doing? 287 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,984 What are you doing? 288 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,319 I'm rejecting your kiss. 289 00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,112 I... what? I didn't... 290 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,214 Can I have a ride home? 291 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,551 If you sit in the back. 292 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:34,845 Night, guys. 293 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:45,481 Hey, can I have a ride, man? I have my bike. 294 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,693 No way, dude. I am not driving home. 295 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:54,782 I brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. 296 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:57,868 You're welcome to share it, though. It's a roomy twin. 297 00:17:58,703 --> 00:17:59,787 I'm good. 298 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,811 (Car honks) 299 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,856 Hey, dummy, get in the car. 300 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,400 I'm a drunk driver. 301 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,735 Yes, you are. 302 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,321 Here, let me take that thing. 303 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,281 Just get in the car. Okay. 304 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,617 You can really hold your liquor, though, really. 305 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,368 Yeah. You can't. 306 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,745 Okay. 307 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,081 And I am just going to lie down in the back, if that's all right? 308 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,166 Sure. 309 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:49,587 Here's your bag. Just don't puke on anything. 310 00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,386 You okay? So good. 311 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,554 Good. 312 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,728 These are not my shoes. 313 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,531 This is just like that show taxicab confessions... 314 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,700 If you say one more word, I'm stopping the car. 315 00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:20,785 Sorry. 316 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:26,207 This is going out to Indians everywhere. 317 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:30,711 It's a tribute to one of the greats, Mr. Adam sand/er. 318 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:32,672 (Singing) 319 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:38,135 Diwali is a festival of lights 320 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,221 let me tell you something 321 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:45,935 tonight has been one crazy night 322 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:50,064 so put on your saris 323 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:53,734 it's time to celebrate diwali 324 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:56,529 everybody looks so jolly 325 00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:59,740 but it's not Christmas, it's diwali 326 00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,326 the goddess of destruction, Kali 327 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,371 stopped by to celebrate diwali 328 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:09,166 don't invite any zombies 329 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,420 to a celebration of diwali 330 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:15,423 along came Polly 331 00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:18,634 to have some fun at diwali 332 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,929 if you're Indian and you love to party 333 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:25,725 have a happy, happy, happy 334 00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:29,061 happy diwali! 335 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,355 Happy diwali!