1 00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,046 Hello, son. 2 00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:06,632 If you're watching this, that means I'm already dead. 3 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,886 Life is a... how do you know it's gonna be a boy? 4 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,679 How... would you stop interrupting, please? 5 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,057 Yesterday, I was scraping some gunk 6 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,226 off my wall sockets with a metal fork 7 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:20,479 and I gave myself the nastiest shock. 8 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:24,441 And when I came to, I had an epiphery. 9 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,320 Life is precious. 10 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:34,618 And if I die, I want my son 11 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:40,165 to know the dealio. The dealio of life. 12 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,718 Here are some things that I want to teach you 13 00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:44,461 that your mother won't be able to. 14 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:47,631 To jump-start a car, first, pop the hood. 15 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:53,428 Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. 16 00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:58,183 Then, you take these and clip them wherever. 17 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,897 Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra. 18 00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:05,333 What... We will demonstrate on Pam. 19 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:06,483 And... 20 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,776 Come on. 21 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:13,824 You just twist your hand until something breaks. 22 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,703 Well, you get the picture. Thanks, Pam. 23 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,082 And remember, no matter what, I will always love you. 24 00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,834 What if he's a murderer? 25 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,711 He's not gonna be a murderer. 26 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:26,920 Maybe that's how you die? 27 00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:30,299 You know what, Dwight, do you want to do this or no? 28 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,467 Iwanna do this. Okay. 29 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,012 From the top. Ready? Three... 30 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,305 Action. 31 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,161 Hello, everyone. 32 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:03,832 As you know, we are six days away from Phyllis' wedding. 33 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:08,128 So get your suits to the dry cleaners and get your hair did. 34 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:10,547 And Karen, you might wanna invest 35 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,508 in a dress or a skirt of some kind 36 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,218 if you don't already have one. 37 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,971 This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. 38 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:21,016 It's my job to insure that none of you look like ragamuffins. 39 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:25,979 So I am instituting prima nocta. 40 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:31,318 Prima nocta, I believe, from the movie braveheart 41 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,403 and confirmed on Wikipedia, 42 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,906 is when the king got to deflower 43 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,492 every new bride on her wedding night. 44 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:46,667 I'm sorry, I had a very different understanding 45 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,669 as to what prima nocta meant. 46 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,588 I'm trying to get everyone excited about Phyllis' wedding 47 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:55,300 because I want her to get people excited about my wedding 48 00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:57,719 when the time comes, which won't be hard, 49 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,304 becauseifs gonna be awesome. 50 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:00,948 A lot better than hers, that's for sure. 51 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,683 It'll probably be on a boat. 52 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,893 What's up, spinsters? 53 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,019 Nothing. 54 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,813 You know, this is a luncheon shower. 55 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,022 Girls only. 56 00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,273 No problem. 57 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,360 The guys are having a little shindig of their own 58 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,154 in the warehouse from 2:30 to 3:15. 59 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,574 It is the only time that Bob was available. 60 00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,076 Sort of a guys' night out. 61 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,829 A g.N.O., if you will. Agno. 62 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,832 Actually, it's more of a guys' afternoon in. 63 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,418 Ag.a.i. Agay. 64 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:34,464 Not... not... it's not gay. It's just a... 65 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:39,177 It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. 66 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,556 An hour-long shower with guys. 67 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,733 Karen: I guess Jim and I have had a little bit 68 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,068 of a rough patch for the past couple weeks, 69 00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,529 but we had some really good talks 70 00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:01,074 and, actually now, I think that we're better than ever. 71 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:06,163 Karen and I had a long talk last night 72 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:09,040 and the night before that 73 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:15,464 and every night for the last five nights. 74 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,729 Pam: Something's up with Jim and Karen. 75 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,440 Not that I've been eavesdropping. 76 00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,650 It's not really any of my business. 77 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:40,155 But I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck. 78 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,574 Halpert! 79 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:45,243 Tah, queen handsome as ever. 80 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,788 "Hey, everybody, it's me, Jim." 81 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:53,001 Hello, hello. Todd packer. 82 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,462 Karen filippelli, Jim's girlfriend. 83 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:56,880 Shut up! 84 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:57,964 Shut it! 85 00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,049 That's rude. 86 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:03,470 Either this chick is a dude or Halpert got scared straight. 87 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,347 Michael: Yes! Yes! 88 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,642 There... 89 00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,811 What happened? What? 90 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:11,895 Oh, god... 91 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,481 Quick! Somebody help! Help the man! 92 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,608 No! No! No! 93 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:17,919 Michael: I can't believe you're not gonna be there. 94 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,069 It's gonna be good. 95 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,072 It's gonna be a great bachelor party, man. 96 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,466 Todd: I have a full day of sales calls. 97 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,658 You should get out of them. 98 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,452 Oh, god. 99 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,954 It's the only time he can do it. 100 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,374 2:30 to 3:15. It's gonna be great. 101 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,917 We're going to be doing some darts, 102 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,961 we're gonna be grilling up some steaks. 103 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:40,715 Got some pie, going to be very delicious. 104 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,468 And what kind of stripper did you get? 105 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,555 I did not order a stripper. 106 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,398 What do you mean you didn't order a stripper? 107 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,017 You ever even been to a bachelor party? 108 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,775 Not personally, no. 109 00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:02,237 Mike, okay. A stripper is bachelor party 101. 110 00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,508 If you don't get a stripper, your party's gonna suck. 111 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,075 I can't get a stripper here. 112 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,618 Sexual harassment. 113 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,998 Get one for the girls, too. That evens it out. 114 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,916 Like, you know, separate but equal. 115 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,835 So that's what that means. 116 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,170 Okay, everybody, a slight change of plans. 117 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,214 We are still going to be having two parties, 118 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:24,843 but each is going to get a little extra dose of naughty. 119 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,304 All right! 120 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,598 Okay. What? 121 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:33,393 Okay, co-ed naked strippers in this office, for realsies. 122 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,978 Under no circumstance should a man 123 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,897 strip off his clothes in this office. 124 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,149 Shut up, Angela! 125 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,488 Pam: Hey. 126 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,164 Everything okay? 127 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,166 Oh, yeah. Why? 128 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,502 Well, you seem a little tired. 129 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:05,258 Yeah, well, I guess there's been a couple of late nights. 130 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,511 Karen and I have been up talking. 131 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,642 You should get more sleep. 132 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,727 Yeah, I know I should. 133 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,730 Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep. 134 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:19,940 No, I'm sure you're right. 135 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,443 When I get eight hours compared to like, six hours, 136 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,403 it's like, big difference. 137 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,613 Really? 138 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:27,697 Oh, yeah. 139 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,825 You've got to get your rem cycle 140 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:36,414 going with the whole sleeping better than not. 141 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,669 Good advice, beesly. Thanks. 142 00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,837 See you out there? Yeah. 143 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,466 Don't fall asleep at your desk! 144 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:47,801 Oh, my god. 145 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,553 Okay. We are off. 146 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,223 Ryan and I are going to go get some supplies 147 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:58,520 and I need you to handle hiring the strippers. 148 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,397 Absolutely not. I'm on it. 149 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,899 Well, get on it and make it happen. 150 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,987 Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles. 151 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,114 No tats. 152 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,824 No, tats. Of course, I want... 153 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,076 Stop. That's disgusting. 154 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,078 Leave me alone and get the male stripper. Fine. 155 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,371 I knew you would, Nancy. 156 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,539 Sally. 157 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:19,874 No preference. 158 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,960 What do you think, redhead or brunette? 159 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,462 Blonde. 160 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,797 Nice. 161 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,592 Do you have any blonde women? 162 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,464 He hasn't even said a word yet. 163 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,977 Justgiggling. 164 00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:44,816 Got you. Got... whoa! 165 00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,198 Yes? 166 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,783 Jim: Are you okay? 167 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,577 I'm in... I'm in the sex shop. 168 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,828 Got you. 169 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,621 Okay, so they have Albert Einstein, 170 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,416 Ben Franklin or spongebob squarepants. 171 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,084 Squarepants? 172 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,544 Yep, spongebob squarepants. 173 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,713 And you think that'd be sexy? 174 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:11,217 Michael referred me to a male strip club called banana slings. 175 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:15,847 Instead, I called the scholastic speakers of Pennsylvania. 176 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,641 Franklin: Hold the door, please! 177 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,643 Thank you. 178 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,270 Hello. Hello. 179 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,189 You wearing a thong? 180 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,274 What? 181 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,113 Sparkling cider is very good. 182 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,407 I think that's champagne. 183 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,451 Michael: Hello, ladies. 184 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,787 Who, here, is a history buff? 185 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,457 Who's a fan of buff naked? 186 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,336 Without further ado, 187 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:52,133 the one, the only, the sexy, Mr. Benjamin Franklin! 188 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:55,595 Thank you for that introduction, Mr. Scott! 189 00:09:55,678 --> 00:10:00,850 And good afternoon, fine gentlewomen of dunder Mifflin. 190 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,521 Half pants, right, Mr. Franklin? 191 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,814 Knickers, in fact. Yes. 192 00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,857 He's in his knickers. 193 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:11,361 Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably 194 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,738 one of the sexiest presidents ever. 195 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,866 Well, actually, I never was president. 196 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,994 Yes, but Ben Franklin was. 197 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:26,835 I'm here to teach you a little bit about my life 198 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,379 and the era of the founding fathers... 199 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:34,008 And when they came over on the mayflower. 200 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,514 Wait. This is the entertainment? 201 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,392 Yeah, all right, so, I want you to give him 202 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,060 your undivided attention. 203 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:47,647 And Mr. Franklin. If any of these ladies misbehave, 204 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,275 I give you permission to spank them, 205 00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:51,776 especially that one. 206 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,949 Have you ever seen a stripper before? 207 00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,159 Yes. 208 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,036 Jennifer garner portrayed one on alias. 209 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,205 It was one of her many aliases. 210 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,373 Yeah, me neither. 211 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:06,457 Hey. Hi. 212 00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:09,294 I'm Elizabeth. I'm the dancer that was requested. 213 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,378 Okay. 214 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,965 I specifically ordered a stripper. 215 00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,800 I'm the stripper. 216 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,177 Oh, okay. Good. 217 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:19,804 Well, in the future, please identify yourself as such. 218 00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,514 Okay. Oh, god 219 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,141 "is she hot?" 220 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,815 Text back, "kind of." 221 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:35,904 Itwas a warm June evening in 1752, 222 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:38,239 the night of my fateful kite flight... 223 00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:39,574 Mr. Franklin? Yes. 224 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:40,909 Do you have a girlfriend? 225 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:43,286 I have a lovely wife, Deborah. 226 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,997 But don't you also have girlfriends in Paris? 227 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,666 Like, a lot of them? 228 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:52,128 Well, that is a gray area of my life. 229 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,715 Okay? So it was a warm June evening... 230 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,801 Look at that. 231 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,803 Nothing like grilling in the great outdoors. 232 00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:05,141 Is it the same grill you grilled your foot on? 233 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:08,662 Yes, but I got all the foot off of it. 234 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:09,812 Oh, gross. 235 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,814 Okay, Ben Franklin. 236 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,278 Ben Franklin tied a cherry stem in his mouth! 237 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:20,448 Well, that is because I am a renaissance man. 238 00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:24,786 Ben Franklin? Do you wear boxers, briefs or pantaloons? 239 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:29,207 Well, you're very saucy. 240 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:36,798 Guys! Beef, it's what's for dinner. 241 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,467 Who wants some man meat? 242 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,094 I do! I want some man meat! 243 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,845 Michael, Dwight would like your man meat. 244 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,640 Well, then, my man meat he shall have. 245 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,976 There you go. 246 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,270 Deliciosity. 247 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:51,437 Of course. 248 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:52,647 Here we go. 249 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:57,360 So I guess, you have the Ben Franklin wig and the costume 250 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,779 and you figure, "how can I put this to practical use?" 251 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,406 Well, I'd like to think that his dad 252 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,199 was a Ben Franklin impersonator, 253 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,077 and he really pressured him into it. 254 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,248 Hey, I wanted to talk to you. 255 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,001 I know this is weird or whatever, 256 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,795 but Jim told me about you guys. 257 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,172 What do you mean? 258 00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:19,841 Well, that you kissed. 259 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,052 And we talked it through and it's totally fine. 260 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,680 It's not a big deal, it's just a kiss. 261 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,852 But you're not still interested in him? 262 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,395 Oh, yeah. 263 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,772 Really? 264 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:38,818 Oh, no! I was confused by your phrasing. 265 00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,029 You should definitely go out with Jim. 266 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,947 I mean, you're going out with Jim. 267 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,532 I'm not going out with Jim. 268 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,701 You're dating him, which is awesome, 269 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,953 because you guys are great together. 270 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,204 Okay. 271 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,831 And I'm not into Jim. 272 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,624 Yeah. 273 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,461 So, well, good. 274 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:57,962 Yeah. 275 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,548 Sorry. 276 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,967 What are you sorry about? 277 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,095 What? 278 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,930 What are you sorry about? 279 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,601 Nothing. I was just thinking of something else. 280 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:15,563 Okay, the game is no-limit deuce-to-seven lowball. 281 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,066 Blinds 25/50. Nickels are worth 10, 282 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:21,110 dimes, 25, and quarters, 50. Nothing wild. 283 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,072 I call shuffle! Here we go. 284 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,869 Michael... 285 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,958 Gentlemen, the entertainment is here. 286 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,878 Everybody, I'd like to introduce you to Elizabeth. 287 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,129 Hi, guys. 288 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,339 That's a nice outfit. 289 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,133 I hear there's an important meeting here. 290 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,054 I'm not really into strippers. 291 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:51,015 You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. 292 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:54,560 She's an artist and I appreciate that. 293 00:14:56,020 --> 00:15:00,942 It's very moving and sexy, the art. 294 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,694 Hit it! 295 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,076 So where's the groom? 296 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,911 Oh, he's right there. 297 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,162 There he is. 298 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,330 Absolutely not. 299 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,707 That's all you, that's all you. 300 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,128 Okay! All right, I'll do it. 301 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,297 Yeah, let's do it! Let's do this thing. 302 00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:24,799 Yeah? What do I... 303 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:25,883 Just sit on down. 304 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,718 All right. All right. 305 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,178 Okay. Here we go. 306 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,388 Oh, here we go. All right! 307 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,514 Yes! 308 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,809 Not bad! Not bad! 309 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,311 You smell nice, like tide. 310 00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:38,980 What's that? 311 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,982 You smell like tide detergent. 312 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,277 Do you use tide detergent? 313 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,159 I have a girlfriend, so... 314 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,952 I bet she'd be jealous! 315 00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:57,123 Yeah, she probably... Yeah, she would be. 316 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,708 You know what? Okay. Excuse me. 317 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,793 This is sick, please. Stop it, stop it. 318 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,312 Turn off the music, because this is wrong. 319 00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,130 This is wrong! This is wrong. 320 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,843 I have a girlfriend. I... 321 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:10,970 And you are engaged 322 00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:14,932 and I'm sure you have a boyfriend in prison or something, so... 323 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:17,977 Let's just clear out, okay? Shame on you. 324 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,356 Go back to work! 325 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,570 Elizabeth, I want you to sit here. 326 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,447 When the phone rings, answer it. 327 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,742 You want me to answer phones with my clothes on? 328 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:36,996 We hired you for three hours' work, and we're gonna get it. 329 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,878 I love your poster. 330 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:46,881 Thank you. 331 00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,435 You know, I invented electricity. 332 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,686 I know. 333 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,023 Well, I'm sensing a little electricity right here. 334 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,693 Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis? 335 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,571 Yes, but I don't. 336 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,282 My name is Gordon. 337 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,162 On one hand, I want to be honest with jan and tell her the truth. 338 00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:21,457 On the other hand, I'm afraid she's gonna dump me. 339 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:25,294 You know, Michael, ifathered an illegitimate son. 340 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,462 Really? 341 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,881 But I kept all this from my wife, Deborah. 342 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,801 These things only serve to upset the women. 343 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,387 They are the gentler sex. 344 00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:36,806 Wow. 345 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,518 Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleazebag. 346 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,314 Stripper? 347 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,775 Could I ask you a question about women? 348 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,782 Should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me? 349 00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,497 "Secrets, secrets are no fun. 350 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,667 "Secrets, secrets hurt someone." 351 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,503 Wow. 352 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,673 Thank you. 353 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,053 Care for a piece of chocolate? 354 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,847 Chocolate? Where did you acquire it? 355 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,557 That is a delicacy in the Amazon, 356 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,060 but it has not yet been imported to the United States. 357 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,854 Who is the king of Austria? Josephll 358 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,707 who is the king of prussia? Friedrich Wilhelm III. 359 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,024 Who is the king of england? 360 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,568 Why, the tyrant, king George, of course! 361 00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,361 I don't care what Jim says. 362 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,822 That is not the real Ben Franklin. 363 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,158 I am 99% sure. 364 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:41,787 Jan: Michael, lleft a meeting. What is so urgent? 365 00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,165 Are you... are you okay? 366 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,667 Not really. 367 00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,879 Look, I don't know how to say this, so ijustwill. 368 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,005 Okay. 369 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:55,718 I went to a bachelor party 370 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,972 and things got a little out of hand. 371 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,310 When... when did... When, last night? 372 00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:06,520 No, today at work. 373 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:07,789 You went to a bachelor party at work? 374 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,024 Yes, I kind of arranged it. 375 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,252 Well, I don't even think the stripper was that hot. 376 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,028 Did you guys think she was hot? 377 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,237 Kelly, don't do this. 378 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,465 Do what? I just asked you a question. 379 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,240 You know what you're doing. 380 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:22,244 Anyway, you know who was totally flirting with Ben Franklin? Pam. 381 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,247 Really? Looks like I hired the right guy. 382 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,250 I'm glad. Any real potential there, beesly? 383 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,670 Yeah, right. 384 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,714 God, I need a boyfriend. 385 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,218 You know, Ryan, I'm... 386 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,511 I'm totally ready to be set up 387 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,262 with one of your business school friends. 388 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,389 Vvheneveh 389 00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:42,598 Ryan: Okay. 390 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,479 Oh, my god, I would get so fat if I worked here. 391 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,815 Yeah? I lose my appetite all the time. 392 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,151 You could strip, you know. 393 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,070 Thanks. 394 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,822 So you don't want to end our relationship? 395 00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,615 I'm closer to firing you. 396 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,492 That is so sweet. 397 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,413 You are the best gd girlfriend in the world. Do you know that? 398 00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,039 I'll talk to you later. 399 00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,374 You are. You are. 400 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,960 So you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? 401 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,713 Ben Franklin. 402 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:19,468 And, Elizabeth, the stripper, gave me great advice which rhymed. 403 00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:26,308 It really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president, 404 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,811 but someone like Elizabeth can't. 405 00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,900 Are you near-sighted or far-sighted? 406 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,695 Both. That's why I invented the bifocals.