1 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,672 Good morning, Pam. 2 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:07,549 Oh, welcome back, Andy. 3 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,885 Drew. I'm drew now. 4 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,638 Oh, drew. Sorry. 5 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:15,140 Apology not accepted. 6 00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:19,770 Because it wasn't even necessary in the first place. 7 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:23,941 Several weeks ago, Andy Bernard had an incident. 8 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,401 (Screaming) 9 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,655 But after five weeks in anger management, 10 00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:33,867 I'm back, and I've got a new attitude and a new name 11 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,287 and a bunch of new techniques 12 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,914 for dealing with the grumpies. 13 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,624 Morning, Jim. 14 00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,918 Hey, Andy. How are you, man? 15 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:44,419 Good. Drew. 16 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:45,546 What's that? 17 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,214 You can call me drew. 18 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,132 No, I'm not gonna call you that. 19 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:50,968 Cool. 20 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,846 I can't control what you do. I can only control what I do. 21 00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:55,931 Andy. 22 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,099 Drew. 23 00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,602 Dwight. 24 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,772 How's it going, man? 25 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,902 Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. 26 00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,821 Which I'm looking forward to. 27 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,781 It's an amish technique. 28 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:15,075 It's like slapping someone with silence. 29 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,953 I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday 30 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:20,664 for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. 31 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,792 Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard 32 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,669 that he is being shunned? 33 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:29,673 Andy, Dwight says welcome back and that he could use a hug. 34 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,050 Okay. Tell him that that's not true. 35 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:33,734 Dwight says that he actually doesn't know 36 00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,304 one single fact about bear attacks. 37 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:36,388 Okay. No, Jim. You guys. 38 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:40,058 Tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. 39 00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:42,102 Jim, tell him! 40 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,813 Andy... no, it's too far. 41 00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:46,481 Damn you. 42 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,797 Michael: Today is safety training day. 43 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,508 Toby is leading ours upstairs. 44 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:18,055 But I am giving everyone a little bit of a treat. 45 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:21,350 We are going to listen in on Darryl's presentation at the warehouse. 46 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:24,478 And if I know Darryl, it gonna to be zoppity. 47 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,271 Now, 48 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,232 this is the forklift. 49 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:33,195 You need a license to operate this machine. 50 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:36,531 That means the upstairs office workers can't drive it. 51 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,408 Quiz. Mike. 52 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,951 Should you drive the forklift? 53 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:41,078 I can and I have. 54 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,871 No, no, no! I said, "should you?" 55 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:44,498 You should not drive it. 56 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,208 You should not drive the forklift. 57 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,019 You understand? You're not allowed to drive the forklift. 58 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,628 It's not safe. You don't have a license. 59 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,339 Guys, I'm not the only one who's driven the forklift. 60 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,632 Pudge has driven the forklift. 61 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,050 Madge. 62 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,426 I thought your name was pudge. 63 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,387 No. It's always been madge. 64 00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,721 Okay. 65 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,056 Her. 66 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:05,894 Her? Yes, "her" is qualified to work a dangerous machine. You are not. 67 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,647 Okay? Fine. 68 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,732 Do you understand that? Yes. 69 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:14,903 We do safety training every year or after an accident. 70 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,531 We've never made it a full year. 71 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,616 This particular time, I was reaching 72 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,868 for a supply box on the top shelf 73 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:26,164 when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, 74 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,251 kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled... 75 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,169 Hey, Darryl, how's it hanging? 76 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,716 And I fell and busted my ankle and... 77 00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:38,301 I'm legitimately scared for my workers. 78 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,763 The baler can flatten a car engine. 79 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,182 It can cutoff your arm and crush 80 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:46,935 your entire body without skipping a beat. 81 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,103 Yeah! 82 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,773 How many people a year do you think get their arms 83 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,400 cut off in a baler? 84 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,860 Bale 'er? I hardly know her. 85 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,486 Damn it, Michael, pay attention, man. 86 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,321 Anybody want to take a guess? 87 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,031 Five bucks says it's over fifty. 88 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,616 You really want to bet? Anybody? 89 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,369 Ever since march madness ended, I am so bored. 90 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:05,996 How many? Okay. You're on. 91 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,914 Ten people. Michael. 92 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:09,207 Ten people. 93 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,917 Would you like to be one of them? 94 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,812 No, don't worry about it. We'll just go double or nothing. 95 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:13,962 On what? 96 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,189 I don't know. I'll figure something out. 97 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:16,566 Nice. What are you guys talking about? 98 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,675 These are very dangerous machines 99 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,178 down here and the upstairs workers... 100 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,637 Michael? 101 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,639 Should not go anywhere near them. 102 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:25,932 Yes. Yes. 103 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,744 But it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world... 104 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,746 It would be the worst thing in the world. It would. 105 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,164 What the hell is wrong with this man? Very much so. 106 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:32,522 It's a big red trash compactor. 107 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,899 It's not a trash compactor! 108 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,042 Michael: It's very dangerous, okay. 109 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,294 Don't disrespect a baler, Mike. 110 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,320 All right, all right, I got it! I got it! 111 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:40,006 Only on the rarest of occasions would I go near... 112 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,115 No, you don't touch it! There is no occasion 113 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,284 for you to go near this stuff, okay? 114 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,745 Toby now has the floor 115 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,539 and he is going to try not to screw this up 116 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,708 like everything else in his life. 117 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:53,794 Let me rephrase that. 118 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,296 Ibehevethatyou can do safety training 119 00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,882 and make it sound just as good as Darryl. 120 00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,009 Here we go! 121 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,262 Okay, one thing you're going to want to 122 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,139 look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome. 123 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,308 It's recommended that you take a 10-minute break 124 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,060 from typing every hour. 125 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,354 For your circulation, you're going to 126 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,022 want to get up out of your chairs 127 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,316 and move around for about 10 minutes every hour. 128 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:20,278 Yes. Good. Fine. Like stretching and... 129 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:24,241 Yeah, your computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes, 130 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:29,037 so it's also recommended that you step away for about 10 minutes every hour. 131 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,498 Wow? That is... That time really adds up. 132 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,750 That's like a half an hour, every hour? 133 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,002 Take them at the same time. 134 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,547 Okay. You know what? You're making it sound kind of lame. 135 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,633 80 skip ahead to the really dangerous stuff. 136 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:45,929 Like sometimes computers can explode, can they not? 137 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,597 No. No. 138 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,518 You always want to keep a sweater or cardigan 139 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,478 of some sort in case it gets drafty. 140 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,622 What about a long-sleeved tee? 141 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:55,647 That will work. 142 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,607 Kevin: Long Johns? Creed: A shawl? 143 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,192 You know, anything that warms you. 144 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:01,152 Okay, you know what, I think that everybody 145 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,029 is going to vomit due to boredom. 146 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,282 Sorry. He is very lame. 147 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,535 Let's see. 148 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,204 Seasonal affective disorder. 149 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,164 A depression that includes weight gain, 150 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:16,793 fatigue, irritability, brought on by the low light of winter. 151 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,045 Thank god we only had a baler to deal with. 152 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,769 Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain't it? 153 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:21,965 Okay. Guys, you know what? 154 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,926 I didn't interrupt when you were having your presentation. 155 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,720 Actually, you did. 156 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,054 Yes. 157 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,515 Okay. Let's do another one. 158 00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:31,766 This is a good one. 159 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:34,686 A particular concern for office workers 160 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:37,981 is a sedimentary lifestyle which can contribute... 161 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,566 Sedentary. 162 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,570 Yes. Which can contribute to heart disease. 163 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,907 Heart disease kills more people than balers. 164 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,451 That's called having a fat butt, Michael. 165 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,286 No. No, it's sedentary. 166 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,038 Yeah, that's fat butt disease. 167 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,247 That's what you suffer from? 168 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,874 You have fat butt disease, Michael? 169 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,019 Excuse me, sea monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds. 170 00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,085 Yeah. Yeah? 171 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,147 I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you? 172 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,255 Ryan! 173 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,566 Dude, please tell your girl to shut up. 174 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:04,591 What? 175 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,110 Kelly, you've insulted the gentleman. 176 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,135 Please apologize. 177 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,219 Are you kidding me? 178 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,346 All right, we out of here. 179 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,574 Darryl, I did not walk out in the middle of yours, so... 180 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,391 Yeah, but ours was real, Michael. 181 00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:14,476 Yes. 182 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,078 That's what we've been trying to tell you, Mike. 183 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,687 It's serious down there. 184 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:21,691 We do dangerous stuff, man. This is shenanigans, foolishness. 185 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,318 Nerf ball. 186 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,237 You live a sweet little nerfy life 187 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,365 sitting on your biscuit 188 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,158 never having to risk it. 189 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,536 Okay. 190 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:40,335 What? So, nerf isn't cool anymore? 191 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,755 Michael: Darryl thinks he's such a man because he works in a warehouse. 192 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,006 Well, big deal! 193 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:48,134 I worked in a warehouse. Men's wearhouse. 194 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,136 I was a greeter. 195 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,430 I'd like to see Darryl greet people. 196 00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,074 He'd probably make them feel like wimps. 197 00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,517 Not me, I... 198 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,398 Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to men's wearhouse. 199 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,900 We have a special on khaki pants today. 200 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,737 This is one example. 201 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:11,950 Ten. 202 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,452 Really? Ten? That's your guess? 203 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:15,829 You're a professional accountant. 204 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:17,539 There's, like, 10 green ones. 205 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:18,623 Forty-two. 206 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,749 I'm going to say 50. 207 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,459 Don't be that person. 51. 208 00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,223 Oh, come on. That is lame. It's a strategy. 209 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,255 It's called being smart. Thank you. 210 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,339 Oh, jeez. 211 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,592 I don't know how the whole betting thing started, 212 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,011 but it's fun. 213 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,178 Ten. Ten's out. 214 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,389 Damn it! Forty-seven, 48, 215 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,391 forty-nine. Jim wins. 216 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,517 That is not fair. 217 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,687 He has spent hours up here at reception with you. 218 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,023 Hours and hours. 219 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,441 Okay. Okay. 220 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,775 No, constantly. Like for years. 221 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,860 Okay. 222 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:50,113 Pam, depression is as scary as a baler, right? 223 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,948 I don't understand the question. 224 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:56,536 Working in an office can lead to depression, which can lead to suicide. 225 00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,206 I mean this is really serious stuff. 226 00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:01,624 Yeah. 227 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,961 Nobody commits suicide because they work with a baler. 228 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,297 And yet those guys are making fun of me, 229 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,548 calling me a nerf. 230 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:09,632 That_ 231 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,010 It's really hard to demonstrate depression. 232 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,929 Their safety training had visuals. 233 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,264 Yeah. 234 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,684 You are so right. 235 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:23,521 They have visual aids and all we had were the facts. 236 00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,607 You don't go to the science museum 237 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,776 and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. 238 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:33,198 You go the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball 239 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,283 and your hair sticks up straight. 240 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:36,910 And you know science. 241 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,162 So, you're okay? 242 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,663 Indubitably. 243 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,834 They used props, they used visual aids 244 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:48,213 and they just made us look like dopes. 245 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,007 Idiots! God, what are we going to do? 246 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,467 I don't know. I don't know. 247 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,761 Because you know what our killer is? 248 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,097 Depression. Wolves. 249 00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:58,515 Depression. 250 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,558 Visual aids. Yes. 251 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,811 A quilt. A depression quilt. 252 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,689 No time to sew a quilt. 253 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:08,942 I got it. 254 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:12,904 Get me the number for the giant big box toy store. 255 00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,368 You may be asking yourself 256 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,495 what am I doing on a trampoline? 257 00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:23,289 Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, 258 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,167 relieve some stress and then move on with my day. 259 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,419 Not. Here's a plan. 260 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,046 Dwight is going to gather 261 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,675 all of the officer workers and all of the warehouse guys 262 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,052 and we're going to have another safety seminar. 263 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,887 Only this time, where's Michael? 264 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,390 Oh, my god, he is on the roof. 265 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,267 And now I have got their attention. 266 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:46,396 I tell them about the cold hard facts of depression. 267 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:50,608 And then I say, "hey, you ever seen a suicide?" 268 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,819 And ijump. 269 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:55,280 And they freak out. And they get to see 270 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,449 the dangers of depression with their own eyes. 271 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,827 Nice side note, they might think, 272 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,745 "hey, I should have been nicer to Michael." 273 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,039 But that's not why I'm doing this. 274 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,624 Then I land on the trampoline, 275 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,209 take a couple extra bounces for fun. 276 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,378 I climb off, walk around the corner, 277 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,172 ta-freaking-da. 278 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,585 So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. 279 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:15,985 So number five becomes number four, 280 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,343 number six becomes number five, 281 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,888 number three becomes number two, etcetera, etcetera. 282 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,448 And let's just say that I just sent back 283 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,224 love actually, which was awesome. 284 00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:26,019 And they sent me uptown girls, which is also awesome. 285 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,563 But guess what, now I want to see love actually again, 286 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:29,957 but it's at the bottom of the queue. 287 00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,566 Oh, no, what do I do? 288 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:32,942 What I do is this. 289 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,736 I go online, I go click, click, click 290 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,321 and I change the order of the queue, 291 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,740 so that I can see love actually as soon as I want to. 292 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,742 It's so easy, Ryan. 293 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,786 Do you really not know how Netflix works? 294 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,914 I guess I forgot. 295 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,625 You're such a ditz. 296 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,295 Ryan, well done. Two minutes, 42 seconds. 297 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,297 Additionally, Pam, you win $10 298 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,382 because she said "awesome" 12 times. 299 00:11:56,591 --> 00:12:00,345 And Jim, you win $5 because she mentioned six romantic comedies. 300 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:03,640 Okay, let's do this thing! I'll go summon the troops! 301 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,975 Maybe we should test this first. 302 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,853 Letterman style. Throw a TV over or... 303 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,314 We measured it once. 304 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,108 Go buy some watermelons. 305 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,902 Seedless? 306 00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:17,570 Just_ 307 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,662 Creed is eating an apple. 308 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,538 I found a potato. 309 00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:30,166 Hey, creed. 310 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,459 Hey. 311 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,052 Yes! 312 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,178 Here you go. 313 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,429 What? 314 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,555 Nice! 315 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,559 I don't know this place as well as I thought I did. 316 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,478 I'm getting cleaned out. 317 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:51,646 Ready? 318 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,314 Let's do it. Drop that sucker. 319 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,858 Yeah! Bingo! 320 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,610 (Michael exclaims) 321 00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,153 (Car alarm blaring) 322 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,466 Deactivate the car alarm, clean up the mess. 323 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,491 Okay. 324 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,410 Find out whose car that is. 325 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,996 If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James p. Albini, 326 00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:09,139 see if he handles hate crimes. 327 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,164 Got it. 328 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,017 Also, take apart the trampoline. Stick it in the baler. 329 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,394 We're not allowed to use the baler. 330 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:16,004 Have padge do it or the sea monster. 331 00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:17,171 I'm on it. 332 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:23,177 I'm temporarily lifting the shun. 333 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,304 Thank you. 334 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:26,556 It means nothing. I need you to do something for me. 335 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,765 Anything. 336 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:28,933 Okay, calm down. 337 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:33,146 I need you to acquire an inflatable house and/or castle. 338 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,647 You mean a moonbounce. 339 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,607 What do you think? You've got an hour. 340 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,067 I'm going to need petty cash. 341 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,485 Shunning resumed. 342 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,530 Do you want a drawbridge? 343 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:43,906 UN-shun. 344 00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,909 Yeah, that sounds good. Re-shun. 345 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,290 Oh, yeah, this is much better. It's safer. 346 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:53,791 Excellent decision. 347 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,960 Yes. Thank you for seeing that. 348 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,629 When you land, try and land like an eight-year-old. 349 00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:00,882 These bouncy castles are not designed for adults. 350 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,151 I don't know if I want to do this. 351 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,176 Want to do another test? 352 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,819 I got plenty of watermelons in my trunk. 353 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,531 No more. The tests are going terrible. 354 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,516 If we keep doing them, I'm not going to want to jump. 355 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,536 This is about doing, not thinking. 356 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,561 Right! 357 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,396 Doing! Totally doing! 358 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,148 Letsrockandroh! Rockandrom 359 00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,108 yeah! That's right, I'm not thinking! 360 00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,153 Yes! Yeah! 361 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,905 Michael is awesome 362 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,656 (whooping) Jumping off the roof 363 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,533 bouncing on a bouncy thing 364 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:29,160 show them who is boss 365 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,204 rip a hole in the sun! 366 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,247 I am ready to do this! 367 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,083 I'm ready to make a point! 368 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,669 Hey! Guys, listen up, 369 00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:42,382 Michael is up on the roof and acting strange. 370 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,426 What's the situation? 371 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:50,056 UN-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun. 372 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,700 Okay, when is the shunning thing going to end? 373 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,976 UN-shun. Never. Re-shun. 374 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,454 I think he wants you all to come out 375 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,522 to the parking lot and watch him die. 376 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,357 Is it nice outside? 377 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,817 It's gorgeous. Let's go! 378 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,026 Do I need myjacket? 379 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,295 No, it really is. It's very nice. 380 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,570 Come on! 381 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:05,881 Will I be too warm in a long-sleeved tee? 382 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:09,700 Everyone's going to be fine in exactly what they're wearing! Let's go! 383 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,037 Let's go! 384 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,584 Come on! Hurry up, you guys! 385 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,752 My life! 386 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,713 Oh, my life! 387 00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,091 Michael, what's wrong? 388 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,009 Everything's wrong. 389 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,679 The stress of my modern office 390 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,140 has caused me to go into a depression! 391 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:37,687 Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? 392 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,480 Dwight, you ignorant slut. 393 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,442 Depression is a very serious illness. 394 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:47,613 Over 32,000 people commit suicide every year 395 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,991 according to a 2004 study. 396 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,076 Is that the last year the data was available? 397 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,202 Yes. 398 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,581 My head is in such pain and turmoil. 399 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,666 Don't do anything rash. 400 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,835 Dwight, where are the warehouse guys? 401 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:02,795 I didn't... 402 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,092 I didn't think you needed them for this part. 403 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:10,011 Okay. That's... 404 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,095 You said to just... 405 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,239 That's the whole point, dummy. 406 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:13,347 Okay. I'm on it. 407 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:14,849 Okay? 408 00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,102 Attention, blue-collar workers! 409 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:22,273 What are the odds that this is in any way real? 410 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,067 I'd say, like, 10,000 to one. 411 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,737 Okay, I'd like 10 bucks on those odds. 412 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:33,993 If someone gives you 10,000 to one on anything, you take it. 413 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,163 If John mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, 414 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:41,459 I am going to be a very rich dude. 415 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,713 Michael is up on the roof and he's acting strange. 416 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:48,049 Oh, my life. 417 00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:49,884 Michael, what's wrong? 418 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,053 Everything is wrong, Dwight. 419 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:56,015 The stress of my modern office has made me depressed. 420 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:59,977 Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? 421 00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,646 Dwight, you ignorant slut! 422 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:04,315 Well, you know, the first performance was a little off, 423 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:07,735 but I really think they hit their stride in the second show. 424 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,572 I might even bring my parents tomorrow to the matinee. 425 00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:12,949 Michael: And that is why... 426 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,159 Oh, excuse me. It's my favorite part. 427 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,512 I am going to jump off this roof! 428 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,162 This is just offensive. 429 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:19,539 At least we're outside. 430 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:22,333 Hey, check it out, there's a castle over there. 431 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,585 Oh, my god, there is a castle. 432 00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:27,672 No. There's nothing to see over there, people. 433 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,465 There's nothing to see. 434 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,177 They found the castle, Michael. 435 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:34,428 Damn it! 436 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:40,268 Oh, god. Oh, my god, he's going to jump. 437 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:46,774 He's going to kill himself pretending to kill himself. 438 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,025 Yeah. 439 00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,235 Excuse me. 440 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,447 Hey, Michael, 441 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,826 don'tjump on the bouncy castle. 442 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:02,123 You can't do that 'cause you're going to get horribly, horribly injured. 443 00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,000 Hey, Michael, 444 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:08,254 I have a present for you but you have to come down and get it. 445 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:10,881 What is it? 446 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,134 Come down and open it and you'll see. 447 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,136 Dwight, find out what the present is. 448 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,430 Okay, I don't see anything. 449 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:18,681 She might be bluffing. 450 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,141 Dwight. Dwight. 451 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,688 It's a... 452 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:30,359 A repliee-q-one-expo female robot. 453 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,111 They're only available in Japan. 454 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,529 Dwight, you are such a liar. 455 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,031 Pam, really what is it? 456 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,783 Mike, this is the opposite of safety. 457 00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:39,803 You jump, you're going to seriously hurt yourself. 458 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,954 You told me that I lead a... 459 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:46,334 A cushy, wimpy nerf life. 460 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:47,918 Yeah. 461 00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:50,713 But I never said you had nothing to live for. 462 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,632 What do I have to live for? 463 00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:54,592 A lot of things. 464 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,387 You... 465 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,854 What about jan? 466 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,523 Lovely, lovely, lovely jan, man. 467 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,401 It's going good, right? 468 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,403 It's complicated with jan. 469 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,491 And I don't know where I stand or what I want. 470 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:22,078 The sex isn't nearly as good as it used to be. 471 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,162 Mike, 472 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,956 you're a very brave man. 473 00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:28,459 I mean it takes courage just to be you. 474 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,796 To get out of bed every single day, 475 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,132 knowing full well you got to be you. 476 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,010 Do you really mean that? 477 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,470 I couldn't do it. 478 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,390 I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave. 479 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,683 I'm braver than you? 480 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,059 Way braver. 481 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,103 You braveheart, man. 482 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:51,607 I braveheart. 483 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:54,735 I am. 484 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,154 Come on down, okay? 485 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:58,322 Okay. 486 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,118 Pam, I'm coming down to get my present. 487 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:07,206 Michael: An office is as safe as the people in it. 488 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:11,252 And sometimes those people can drive you to do crazy things 489 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:15,381 to show the dangers of the office. 490 00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:18,092 That's the danger I found myself in today. 491 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,428 I saved a life. 492 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:22,555 My own. 493 00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,265 Am I a hero? 494 00:20:29,103 --> 00:20:31,230 I really can't say, but yes.