1 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:11,803 Okay, well, I did not get the job in New York, 2 00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:15,432 but I got the real prize, domestic bliss. 3 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,936 Jan made me breakfast this morning. 4 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:21,897 Well, she bought the milk. 5 00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:24,483 It's soy. 6 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,402 This is why I do it. 7 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,073 (Jan snoring) That's what I have to come home to. 8 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,242 (Sighs) 9 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,913 She probably won't be up for a few hours. 10 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:41,750 This is going to be a very good year. Very good. 11 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:48,465 Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protege Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. 12 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:53,887 Andy and Dwight are rocking the sales team. I feel very blessed. 13 00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,389 (Grunts) 14 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:39,158 You know, generally it's not a good idea to click on any Internet offers 15 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:42,311 that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer? 16 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,938 It was for a video. 17 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,398 Yeah. What kind of video? 18 00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,526 A celebrity sex tape. 19 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,405 Really? What kind of celebrity? 20 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,425 It's not relevant. How much did you pay for it? 21 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,783 Not relevant. You paid for it? 22 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,660 It all happened so fast. 23 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:01,496 I broke up with Karen after the job interview. 24 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,249 And it was 25 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,918 a little awkward when she came back from the city. 26 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,588 She told me very clearly that just because we were broken up 27 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,298 didn't mean that she was going anywhere, 28 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:14,134 because she had worked really hard for her career, 29 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,595 but the next day her desk was empty. 30 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:21,058 And as for me and my current romantic life... 31 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,895 I am single now and looking. 32 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,190 So, if you know anybody... 33 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:32,110 Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. 34 00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:34,279 I talked him through his breakup. 35 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,532 It's really nice to be good friends again. 36 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:43,288 Are you kidding me? Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. 37 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,248 All they do is smile. 38 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,210 They're just keeping it a secret. Right? 39 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:51,672 I don't know. There is no evidence of intimacy. 40 00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,632 They've been in remarkably good moods. 41 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:54,800 It could be other things. 42 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,718 Are you kidding me? 43 00:02:57,219 --> 00:03:00,931 And Sunday, I'm thinking of going to that flea market at the drive-in. 44 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:05,477 That sounds fun. I'm mountain biking on Sunday on montage mountain. 45 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,561 Yeah. Cool. 46 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,063 Well, have fun with that. 47 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,072 Ladies and gentlemen, 48 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,991 I have some bad news. 49 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,369 Meredith was hit by a car. 50 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,162 What? Where? Oh, my god. 51 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,331 It happened this morning in the parking lot. 52 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:31,211 I took her to the hospital and the doctors tried to save her life. 53 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,422 They did the best that they could 54 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,299 and she is going to be okay. 55 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:40,470 What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that? 56 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,972 So she's really going to be fine? 57 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:46,810 Yes. She has a slight pelvical fracture, 58 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,271 but people have survived far worse. 59 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,065 Thank god you were there. 60 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,109 Yeah. 61 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,819 Did you see who did it? 62 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,071 Oh, no need. We can just check the security tapes. 63 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,031 Yeah. Kind of a good-news-bad-news there. 64 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:04,953 I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her. 65 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,416 Who was driving? 66 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,713 Oh, Michael. 67 00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:18,884 One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. 68 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,305 I wonder who he ran over then. 69 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,223 It's only Meredith. 70 00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:28,977 Yeah. It's only Meredith. Thank god. 71 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,062 But did you see the way they looked at me? 72 00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:33,315 Like I was a murderer or something. 73 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:34,775 Hey... 74 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:37,611 Why did you do it? 75 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:38,862 It was an accident. 76 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,155 Was she talking back? 77 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:44,034 Just got sick of that face? Did she owe you money? 78 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,162 Is this downsizing? 79 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,997 Did she spurn youradvances? 80 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:54,169 Hey, guys. We're all going to visit Meredith at lunch 81 00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,338 and we're kicking in $5 for flowers. 82 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,215 Who's "we," you and Jim? 83 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,759 No. Me and Stanley and Phyllis, so far. 84 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,553 Oh, I bet Jim goes, too. 85 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:05,972 Yeah, I haven't asked him yet. 86 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,641 Oh, I bet you ask. 87 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:08,892 I was planning on it. 88 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,269 I bet you were. 89 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:13,730 Subfle. 90 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:14,981 What? Are you coming? 91 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,192 I can't. Sprinkles is sick. 92 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,819 She's been sick for some time. 93 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:22,739 Thank you for asking. No one asks about sprinkles. 94 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,785 I have to give her her meds. I have to pet her. 95 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,620 And who will she eat lunch with? 96 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,539 Can't your other cats keep her company? 97 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:33,625 There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques... 98 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,795 Angela, you're the chairman of the party planning committee. 99 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:40,006 I shouldn't even be planning this. It's your job. 100 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:42,717 All right. 101 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,179 My lord, my liege! Ryan: Yes, Michael? 102 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,139 So Ryan got promoted to corporate 103 00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,934 where he is a little fish in a big pond. 104 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,144 Whereas, back here in Scranton, 105 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,896 I am still top dog 106 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,317 in a fairly large pond. 107 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,488 So, who is the real boss, 108 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,701 the dog or a fish? 109 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,162 So I need a little treat for the gang, 110 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,331 something to win their affections back. 111 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,792 Ryan: Back? Why is that, Michael? 112 00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:18,795 Well, I ran down Meredith in my car. 113 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,006 Oh! Did you do this on purpose? 114 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:25,010 No, I was being negligent, but she's in the hospital, she's fine. 115 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,971 Recovering nicely, tiny little crack in her pelvis, 116 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,283 but she will be up and... did this happen on company property? 117 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:35,937 Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. 118 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,022 We are fine. 119 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,024 I don't think you understand 120 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,859 how jeopardy works. 121 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:44,237 Oh, right. I'm sorry. What is "we're fine"? 122 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:45,989 (Ryan sighs) 123 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:50,744 People keep calling me a "wunderkind." I don't even know what that means. 124 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:54,706 I mean, I know what it means. It means very successful for your age. 125 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:58,126 So I guess it makes sense, but it's a weird word. 126 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,671 Angela: Hey, d. Hey, monkey, what's up? 127 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:02,964 Can you do me a little favor? 128 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,248 Go to my place at lunch and give sprinkles her medicine? 129 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,384 Sure. 130 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,552 Ihaveto visit the alkie. 131 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,638 Check to see if she's faking. 132 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,933 If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. 133 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,477 You know what? I bet she cracked it at home, 134 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,188 jumped in front of the car to get some worker's comp. 135 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,065 I wouldn't put it past her. 136 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,443 So what do you need me to do? 137 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,904 I wrote it out. There's a diabetes shot. 138 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,406 Roll the Insulin in your hands. Don't shake it. 139 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,844 She gets an ace inhibitor with her meal. You have to put her right in front of the dish 140 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,162 or she won't see it because of the cataracts. 141 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:38,208 Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine. 142 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:42,587 And you want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. 143 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,464 And... oh, there's a fungal cream 144 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,233 because she has this infection under her tail, 145 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,817 so you're going to have to lift her tail 146 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,970 and put the cream right at the base of her tail. 147 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,973 Okay, I have an announcement. 148 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,599 You pushed Darryl out the window? No. 149 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,977 You shot Dwight? No. No. That is not funny. 150 00:07:57,060 --> 00:08:00,939 I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car, 151 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,317 for which I take full responsibility. 152 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:09,280 Look, I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy 153 00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:12,033 and on to more positive things, 154 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:15,412 so I thought we should plant a tree. 155 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,914 Oh, good. At least we don't have to work. 156 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,758 Okay, we're leaving for the hospital at 1:00. 157 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,501 So, like, a freedom tree. 158 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,585 I can take three people. 159 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,837 I can also take three people. 160 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:24,921 Separate cars. 161 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,774 Michael: Pam? All right, we'll get a card at the hospital 162 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,109 and we'll sign it outside her room. 163 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,343 Pam? Sales people can go later in the day. 164 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:31,667 Hourly workers can go at lunch. 165 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,889 Okay, good, good, so we'll just all go down there together at lunch. 166 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,266 Excehent I was thinking thatvve._ 167 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,642 Good work, Pam. But if we... 168 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,310 Yay! I think it would be a lot... 169 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:40,520 Pam! 170 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,565 All right, since I am the boss, I will drive as well. 171 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,650 Who wants shotgun? You can't be serious. 172 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:47,193 You ran a woman over this morning. 173 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:50,989 Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley! 174 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:55,243 Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? 175 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,704 Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. 176 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,999 Sometimes, I spend too much time volunteering. 177 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:04,878 Occasionally, I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. 178 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:10,050 No, don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make. 179 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:22,645 Michael: I hate hospitals. In my mind, they are associated with sickness. 180 00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,567 Shelooks like an angel. 181 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,027 She looks awful. 182 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:32,113 No? Okay, she always looks like that. It was not my fault. 183 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,907 I think she's awake. 184 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,326 No, she's in a coma. 185 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,959 Okay. Meredith? 186 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,337 (Taunting) 187 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,216 I brought all your friends from the office, dear. 188 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,967 At the same time. Yeah. 189 00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:54,052 Hello, Meredith. 190 00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,178 This is weird. 191 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,055 Brought you some balloons. 192 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,140 Why don't we... here you go. 193 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,686 Tie these up. Cheer up your tubes. Oh, shoot. 194 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,480 Oh, for god's sake. 195 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:06,815 Nurse! 196 00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:09,651 No, don't bother the nurse. Just put it back in. 197 00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:13,571 I'm going to be sick. I'm going to puke. 198 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,883 I'm going to puke. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't touch it. 199 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,785 What... what are you doing? Just give me that. 200 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:22,831 Thanks. 201 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,501 Does it hurt terribly? 202 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:27,919 No. It's not too bad. 203 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,313 They have me on a lot of painkillers. 204 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,588 Creed: Oh, really? What kind? 205 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:36,010 Codeine? Vicodin? Percocet? Fentanyl? Oxycontin? Palladone? 206 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,428 I have no idea. What? 207 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,555 (Scoffs) 208 00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:45,186 Well, it was really great of all of you to come and visit me at the same time. 209 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,413 I'll see you guys at the office. 210 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:47,564 Okay. 211 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,817 Okay. Wait up. Wait up. Guys, guys, guys. Hold on a sec. 212 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,736 You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun, 213 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:57,198 is if you forgave me in front of everybody. 214 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,783 Michael, I'm not going to do that. 215 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:02,620 'Cause you know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness? 216 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:06,958 Forgiveness is next to godliness. 217 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,669 No, that's not what they... well, just... just... 218 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:10,920 You cracked my pelvis. 219 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,214 Look, I just... I don't understand 220 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:15,258 what is preventing you from laughing this off 221 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,593 and giving me a big hug. 222 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,303 You are not forgiven. 223 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,512 Come on. 224 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,723 Michael! Michael! 225 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,224 (Groans) Michael! 226 00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:27,729 Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. 227 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,149 I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, 228 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:37,071 but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, 229 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,866 like my need to be praised. 230 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,704 Hey. 231 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,206 Hey, monkey. 232 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,707 Any problems? 233 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,585 Well, you left the TV on, and your cat is dead. 234 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,755 What? Sparkles, the white one, is dead. 235 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:54,964 Sprinkles. 236 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,759 That was the sick one, right? 237 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,137 (Sobs) 238 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,890 I thought she had more time. 239 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,979 Did she look... 240 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,732 When you saw her, how was she looking? 241 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,234 Really dead. 242 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,694 Like, just a dead cat. 243 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,324 So... hey, come on, don't be sad. 244 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,826 Just... okay? Just_ 245 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,578 She's in a better place. 246 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:26,829 All right. 247 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:33,127 Actually, the place that she's in is the freezer because of the odor. 248 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:39,592 It's going to be okay. 249 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,261 Okay, you know what? 250 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:44,389 Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. 251 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:48,559 She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack, and she's going to be fine. 252 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:49,644 So, let's just... 253 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,396 Michael, Angela's cat died. 254 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,274 Sprinkles? 255 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,826 Oh, shoot. 256 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:09,330 I'm sorry, Angela. Man, what a day, huh? 257 00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,250 How could it get any worse? 258 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,294 The computer crashes with the porn, 259 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:17,046 and then Meredith with the accident, and then... 260 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,966 Prinkles! God... 261 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,343 That's three things. 262 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:25,847 I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed. 263 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,601 And we need to do something about it. 264 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:34,230 Well, I am taking responsibility, and it is up to me 265 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:38,943 to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. 266 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:44,365 I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. 267 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:50,079 Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground? 268 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,166 Like what? Like park on it. 269 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,876 Or dig up a body. 270 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:59,213 Toby, do you have anything you want to tell us? 271 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:03,926 No. I did not violate an Indian burial ground. 272 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:07,221 In fact, I had some good luck recently. Alfredo's pizza picked 273 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:11,059 my business card out of the basket. So, I get a week of free pies. 274 00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:12,435 Pam: That's cool. Yeah. 275 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,772 Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. 276 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,775 Satan. 277 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,943 Sprinkles never hurt a soul. 278 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:24,155 God, in your infinite wisdom, how can you do this? 279 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,325 She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish. 280 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,369 It is only a cat. 281 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:32,246 You never... You don't like them. 282 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,416 Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat. 283 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,626 All: Dwight. 284 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,270 Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you? 285 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,295 No, I have not. Well, 286 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,507 I think you should go to the hospital and pay your respects. 287 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,093 I do not respect her, but I will go. 288 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:47,929 All right, 289 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:53,309 I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs. 290 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,562 Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs. 291 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:59,148 Satan is a master of lies. 292 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,943 Everything he says is the opposite. 293 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,654 All right, well, then you can ask about religious beliefs. 294 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,823 Thank you for the permission. Psych. 295 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:10,493 All right, let's just go around the room and tell me what you believe in. 296 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,537 I'm a catholic. 297 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,372 Okay. Presbyterian. 298 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:15,581 All right. Me, too. 299 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:16,749 For real? Same religion. 300 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,085 All right. 301 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,504 I'm a lutheran and Bob is a unitarian. 302 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,964 It keeps things spicy. 303 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,757 That's why we're cursed. 304 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:28,803 I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. 305 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,596 You have more fun as a follower. 306 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,640 But you make more money as a leader. 307 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,185 Kelly, you are hindu, so you believe in Buddha. 308 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,979 That's Buddhists. 309 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,231 Are you sure? No. 310 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,733 What are you? 311 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:47,280 Well, if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion, then I'm sikh. 312 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,782 But I also like hip-hop and npr, 313 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:53,161 and I'm restoring a 1967 corvette in my spare time. 314 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:57,623 Okay. So one sikh and... 315 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,836 Dwight: As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, 316 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:05,423 sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. 317 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,426 With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive, 318 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:11,554 we could power a small fan for two days. 319 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,639 You tell me what's unethical. 320 00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:16,517 Blink once if you want me to pull the plug. 321 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,312 Don't pull any plugs. All right. 322 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,481 How are you doing, Ms. Palmer? Better. 323 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:24,150 Excehent are you a doctor oramabnume? 324 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,902 I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor. 325 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:26,986 (Scoffs) 326 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:30,573 Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy. 327 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,451 But she did, or at least she got time off for one. 328 00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:37,163 So that is where her uterus went. 329 00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:39,892 Ms. Palmer, your last tetanus shot 330 00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,810 was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago? 331 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,546 Yes. Dwight, here, trapped it in a bag against my head. 332 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,673 Just doing my job. 333 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,759 It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon. 334 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,260 And a rat. 335 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,012 Separate occasions. 336 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:57,475 You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, 337 00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:01,437 and then you run over one person with your car, 338 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:05,274 and it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. 339 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,401 Itdoesnt make any sense. 340 00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,153 God is dead. 341 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:12,365 If there was a god, then Ryan and I would be married by now. 342 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,159 Maybe believing in god was a mistake. 343 00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,371 What did people believe in before? 344 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,249 The sun? 345 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,502 Maybe there's some sort of animal 346 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,796 that we could make a sacrifice to, 347 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:30,132 like a giant buffalo, 348 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,095 or some sort of monster, 349 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:37,557 like something with the body of a walrus 350 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,685 with the head of 351 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,020 a sea lion. 352 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,607 Or something with the body of an egret 353 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,945 with the head of a meerkat. 354 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,573 Or just 355 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,952 the head of a monkey with 356 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,746 the antlers of a reindeer 357 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,917 with the body of 358 00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,300 Porcupine. 359 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:15,886 I will do some research. 360 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,013 Okay. 361 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,097 I can help you with that. 362 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,348 Okay. 363 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,146 So, just to be safe, they are giving her the rabies vaccine. 364 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,273 Oh, god, rabies? 365 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,735 I was in the hospital room with her. 366 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:31,819 How contagious is that? 367 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,154 Isthathke anstd? No.No. 368 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,339 You've got to be bitten by something. 369 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,240 This place is so cursed. 370 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,885 Actually, the doctor said it was lucky she came into the hospital, 371 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,137 because the only way to beat rabies 372 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,830 is to start treatment before the symptoms set in. 373 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,332 Lockjaw. 374 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:54,634 I know a lot of you are very upset with me for endangering Meredith's life 375 00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:57,178 by hitting her with my car. 376 00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:02,183 But it may make you feel a little bit better to know that before that happened, 377 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:06,354 Dwight endangered her life by putting a garbage bag overherhead 378 00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,230 that had a bat in it. 379 00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,149 Six of one, really. 380 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:14,987 Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies, 381 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:19,575 which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. 382 00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:23,704 Thanks to me, she went to the hospital and that saved her life. 383 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,414 Curse is broken. 384 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:29,835 Curse is broken, people. Oh, there is a god. 385 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,962 And he has a plan for us after all. 386 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:36,592 So go home, get some rest. Very, very good work today. 387 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,553 Got a lot accomplished. 388 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:45,309 Is there a god? If not, what are all these churches for? 389 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,105 And who is Jesus' dad? 390 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:53,693 (Car beeps) 391 00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:02,785 Oh, well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. 392 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:09,041 I thought they'd be good together, like pb and j. 393 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:13,546 Pam beasley and Jim. 394 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,966 What a waste. 395 00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:19,885 What a waste. 396 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,847 Pam: I told you I'm not dating anyone. 397 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,724 And even if! Was, 398 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,476 I don't think it's anyone's business. 399 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,647 I mean, when I do fall in love, like, when it's for real, 400 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:35,151 the last person I'm going to talk about it to is a camera crew 401 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,069 or my co-workers. 402 00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:44,869 Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson 403 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,495 as I ever want to be. 404 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:49,749 Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know. 405 00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,714 (Phone rings) 406 00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:58,883 Michael Scott's dunder Mifflin Scranton 407 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,926 Meredith Palmer memorial 408 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,846 celebrity rabies awareness fun run race for the cure. 409 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,514 This is Pam. Pro-am. 410 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,267 Pro-am race for the... They hung up. 411 00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:13,481 A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car to learn that she may have rabies, 412 00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:16,317 but that is where we are in america. 413 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:20,029 And that does not sit right with me. 414 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:25,618 And that is why I am hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. 415 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:30,414 To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies, 416 00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:34,585 a disease that has been largely eradicated in the us, 417 00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:37,004 but not very many people know that. 418 00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:39,006 No, rabies. 419 00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:41,550 Babies would be a good idea. 420 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,302 Can I put you down for a dime? 421 00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:47,765 Hi, stankley, how many sponsors so far? 422 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:48,974 Zero. 423 00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:53,604 Come on, man, got to step it up. It's for a good cause. 424 00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:56,524 Jan called this morning and pledged $500. 425 00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:58,526 And isn't that your money? 426 00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:03,614 It is for a good cause. 427 00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:07,076 Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming? 428 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,578 It's coming. Oh, look at that, three. 429 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:11,330 Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis. Michael? 430 00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:13,207 Yes. You cannot make me run. 431 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,459 Okay. It is not a real charity. 432 00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:17,503 It's stupid, Michael, and I'm not going to do it. 433 00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:19,105 All right. All right. You didn't run for me 434 00:22:19,129 --> 00:22:20,849 (shushing) When I thought I had skin cancer. 435 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:25,636 I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts. 436 00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:29,890 Okay. Vveh, backin olden times, 437 00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:34,395 a large, fat person like this was a person of power. 438 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:39,233 A person who had money, could buy food, a person of respect, 439 00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:41,443 like the regional manager of the day. 440 00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:44,864 Whereas someone athletic and trim like myself 441 00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,657 was someone who worked in the fields 442 00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:48,242 and I was a peasant. 443 00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:49,785 I just don't want to run. 444 00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:51,745 I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes. 445 00:22:51,829 --> 00:22:53,098 Well, you're going to have to run 446 00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:55,624 or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. 447 00:22:57,418 --> 00:22:59,628 It is not olden times anymore. 448 00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:06,385 I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts, it is a vicious circle. 449 00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:11,056 You have sensitive nipples, they chafe. So they become more sensitive, 450 00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:12,725 so they chafe more. 451 00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:15,436 So I take precautions. 452 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:18,856 Hey, Angela. 453 00:23:20,566 --> 00:23:24,153 Hey, I'm sorry about your cat. 454 00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:27,990 (Sobbing) 455 00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:33,996 This is sprinkles. She was my best friend. 456 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:38,083 I kept her going through countless ailments. 457 00:23:38,584 --> 00:23:43,172 I asked Dwight schrute to feed her once and she is now deceased. 458 00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:50,304 This is Halloween iastyear 459 00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:53,682 just a couple of kittens 460 00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,435 out on the town. 461 00:24:02,191 --> 00:24:03,359 Pssst 462 00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:11,575 I'm having relationship problems, 463 00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:14,536 and since you're always having relationship problems, 464 00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:16,460 I thought you'd be able to give me some advice. 465 00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:17,706 What's wrong? 466 00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,625 I have this crazy thought 467 00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:21,377 that I know is crazy, 468 00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:24,755 that maybe Dwight killed my cat. 469 00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:26,298 Hmm. 470 00:24:26,382 --> 00:24:28,968 When I got home, sprinkles' body was in the freezer 471 00:24:29,051 --> 00:24:30,844 where Dwight said he left her. 472 00:24:30,928 --> 00:24:34,473 But all my bags of frozen French fries had been clawed to shreds. 473 00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:36,725 Something's not right. 474 00:24:37,059 --> 00:24:38,769 The vet's doing an autopsy. 475 00:24:38,852 --> 00:24:40,354 Angela, I'm sorry. 476 00:24:40,437 --> 00:24:42,690 Did Roy ever kill one of your cats? 477 00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:45,275 I'm more of a dog person. 478 00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:51,502 Jim: So what's your strategy for this race? 479 00:24:51,573 --> 00:24:52,992 Well, I'm going to start fast. 480 00:24:53,075 --> 00:24:54,803 Then I'm going to run fast in the middle. What? 481 00:24:54,827 --> 00:24:56,286 Then I'm going to end fast. 482 00:24:56,370 --> 00:24:57,621 Why won't more people do that? 483 00:24:57,705 --> 00:24:59,498 'Cause they're stupid. 484 00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:03,210 What? 485 00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:17,182 (Stammering) 486 00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:18,684 No, that's not... 487 00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:19,893 I mean, that wasn't... 488 00:25:19,977 --> 00:25:21,562 Yeah, that was... 489 00:25:21,645 --> 00:25:25,190 I mean, I can see how it would seem a bit like we... 490 00:25:25,482 --> 00:25:28,360 How it looks like... 491 00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:30,444 But, I mean, nowadays you can edit anything, right? 492 00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:35,117 You can edit anything to look like anything. 493 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,411 Yeah, I gave him a ride home because... 494 00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:39,496 Right. 495 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:41,123 We're dating. 496 00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:45,002 Wow! There it is. 497 00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:47,629 Yeah. 498 00:25:47,755 --> 00:25:51,008 We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. 499 00:25:52,801 --> 00:25:54,011 Right? 500 00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:55,637 It is going really great. 501 00:25:57,931 --> 00:25:59,433 Shut up! 502 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:02,269 You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger. 503 00:26:02,352 --> 00:26:03,729 Oh, really? 504 00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:11,653 You'll feel better after the 5k. 505 00:26:11,862 --> 00:26:13,989 Exercise is good for depression. 506 00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:16,700 I'm not depressed. I'm grieving. 507 00:26:18,702 --> 00:26:21,622 We have raised almost $700, 508 00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:23,499 most of it from me and jan. 509 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:27,044 When do they put that on the giant check, 510 00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:29,254 or is that something that we write in later? 511 00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:32,299 Well, a giant check costs about $200 to make up. 512 00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:36,261 I have a print shop standing by, butwhat do you think, Michael? 513 00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:38,263 That's over 25% of our funds. 514 00:26:40,808 --> 00:26:42,976 That's a tough decision. 515 00:26:44,311 --> 00:26:46,146 I always imagined it with a giant check. 516 00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:49,108 Yeah, I mean, I personally am definitely on board for the giant check. 517 00:26:49,191 --> 00:26:50,234 Giant check it is. 518 00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:51,693 I don't know. 519 00:26:51,777 --> 00:26:55,697 On the other hand, it does leave less money for bat birth control. 520 00:26:55,781 --> 00:26:57,449 Bat birth control? 521 00:26:58,117 --> 00:27:00,178 Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right, Michael? 522 00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:01,805 That's what you told me when I contributed. 523 00:27:01,829 --> 00:27:03,580 You didn't contribute very much. 524 00:27:03,664 --> 00:27:08,085 I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. 525 00:27:08,168 --> 00:27:09,628 And how's that going? 526 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:13,590 Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700. 527 00:27:13,674 --> 00:27:15,551 Or $500, if we go with the giant check. 528 00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:16,718 Which we are. 529 00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:20,139 And also, there is no such thing as a rabies doctor. 530 00:27:21,181 --> 00:27:22,349 What about a rabies nurse? 531 00:27:22,432 --> 00:27:23,517 I don't think so. 532 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:27,312 You know what, though? I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour 533 00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:29,439 for parties and bachelor events. 534 00:27:29,523 --> 00:27:32,067 That's possible. Look into that. Great. 535 00:27:32,151 --> 00:27:36,405 It's going to cost a couple hundred bucks and... actually more with tips. 536 00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:38,282 Maybe we should skip the ceremony 537 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:41,160 and just set up a college fund for Meredith's son. 538 00:27:41,785 --> 00:27:44,580 Have you met that kid? Not going to college. 539 00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:48,292 Michael... 540 00:27:49,585 --> 00:27:53,755 5k means five kilometers, not 5,000 miles. 541 00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:55,883 Michael: Come in! 542 00:27:55,966 --> 00:27:57,092 Oh, my god! 543 00:27:57,176 --> 00:27:58,444 What are you doing? What are you doing? 544 00:27:58,468 --> 00:28:00,220 You said, come in! No, I didn't! 545 00:28:00,304 --> 00:28:02,181 Just, please, get out. Oh, my god! 546 00:28:03,724 --> 00:28:05,934 So I closed the door but the image of his... 547 00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:07,978 Baguefie? ...Dangling participle 548 00:28:08,061 --> 00:28:10,397 still burned in my eyes. 549 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:11,760 (Knocking at door) I can imagine. 550 00:28:13,609 --> 00:28:14,776 Come in. 551 00:28:15,319 --> 00:28:16,570 May I enter the room? 552 00:28:16,653 --> 00:28:19,114 Yes, or come in. 553 00:28:21,491 --> 00:28:23,243 See how I did that? 554 00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:25,680 That's the way you should enter a room. 555 00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:27,223 You knock and then you wait for the all clear. 556 00:28:27,247 --> 00:28:29,267 You couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room? 557 00:28:29,291 --> 00:28:31,835 Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that? 558 00:28:31,919 --> 00:28:35,589 On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office, just ballpark? 559 00:28:35,672 --> 00:28:38,467 European offices are naked all the time. They're so not. 560 00:28:38,550 --> 00:28:40,361 Besides, my shirttail covered most of it, so... 561 00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:42,572 I didn't see where it started, but I saw where it ended. 562 00:28:42,596 --> 00:28:44,306 Gross. That's not gross. 563 00:28:44,389 --> 00:28:46,892 It is a human body. What is your problem? 564 00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:48,852 Pam, you're an artist, right? 565 00:28:48,936 --> 00:28:51,230 Think of me as one of your models. 566 00:28:51,313 --> 00:28:52,356 Okay, you know what? 567 00:28:52,439 --> 00:28:55,984 I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today. 568 00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,362 It's not fair to people with rabies. 569 00:28:58,445 --> 00:29:01,573 And that's the point. Right? 570 00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:03,075 Okay. Let's go have some fun. 571 00:29:03,158 --> 00:29:04,326 All right. 572 00:29:04,910 --> 00:29:08,455 They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. 573 00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:10,958 I do not recommend this strategy. 574 00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:14,920 Try picturing them with more clothes on or a funny coat. 575 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,841 Oh, I'm sorry. Is this a working office? 576 00:29:20,050 --> 00:29:21,885 And not a French beach? 577 00:29:23,512 --> 00:29:24,805 Okay, name please. 578 00:29:24,888 --> 00:29:26,890 Creed Bratton. 75-plus division. 579 00:29:26,974 --> 00:29:28,517 You're over 75 years old? 580 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:29,768 Eighty-two, November 1st. 581 00:29:29,851 --> 00:29:30,978 How much is the prize money? 582 00:29:31,061 --> 00:29:32,896 There's no prize money. 583 00:29:32,980 --> 00:29:34,398 What? Is any of this real? 584 00:29:34,481 --> 00:29:35,732 Check that out. 585 00:29:35,816 --> 00:29:38,568 "Look at me. I'm Toby. I'm stretching. 586 00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:41,238 "I know what I'm doing." Why is he even here? 587 00:29:44,992 --> 00:29:48,954 So I heard that you were peeping on Michael. 588 00:29:49,037 --> 00:29:50,497 What? No, it was not... 589 00:29:50,580 --> 00:29:54,710 Look, I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, okay? So, hands off. 590 00:29:55,502 --> 00:29:57,879 Okay, everybody! Listen up! 591 00:29:59,047 --> 00:30:00,966 Thank you for coming. Before we get started, 592 00:30:01,049 --> 00:30:03,135 I want to say a few words 593 00:30:03,218 --> 00:30:06,596 about this deadly disease called rabies. 594 00:30:06,722 --> 00:30:11,018 And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. 595 00:30:14,021 --> 00:30:16,648 That should scare you. It scares me. 596 00:30:16,732 --> 00:30:18,442 You people need to educate yourselves. 597 00:30:18,525 --> 00:30:22,487 Myth: Three Americans every year die from rabies. 598 00:30:22,571 --> 00:30:27,117 Fact: Four Americans every year die from rabies. 599 00:30:27,451 --> 00:30:30,162 How many of you know someone 600 00:30:30,245 --> 00:30:33,248 who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? 601 00:30:33,582 --> 00:30:36,960 Show of hands. One, two, three... too many to count. 602 00:30:37,044 --> 00:30:39,212 It is truly the silent killer. 603 00:30:39,296 --> 00:30:42,758 No, it is the foaming, barking killer. 604 00:30:42,841 --> 00:30:46,178 And it is something that comes... Darryl, what are you doing? 605 00:30:46,261 --> 00:30:47,304 I'm giving him a peanut. 606 00:30:47,387 --> 00:30:51,892 No, don't give him... just... Did you hear anything I said? 607 00:30:51,975 --> 00:30:53,018 Look how happy he is. 608 00:30:53,101 --> 00:30:54,811 He's happy because he's insane. 609 00:30:54,895 --> 00:30:56,646 You know what? That's a perfect example 610 00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:59,733 of the kind of awareness we need to generate. 611 00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:03,612 Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here. 612 00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:04,821 Hello, Michael. 613 00:31:04,905 --> 00:31:06,656 Oh, hey, I know you. Elizabeth? 614 00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:08,617 Yeah. Right? Wow! 615 00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,119 Very cool. You went back and got your degree. 616 00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:14,247 I would like you to accept this check 617 00:31:16,083 --> 00:31:18,293 for $340, 618 00:31:19,044 --> 00:31:20,670 made out to "science." 619 00:31:21,755 --> 00:31:23,590 Make sure that that gets into the right hands. 620 00:31:23,673 --> 00:31:24,758 Great. 621 00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:26,676 (All applauding) 622 00:31:28,929 --> 00:31:30,430 Michael: You got it? 623 00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:31,556 Okay. 624 00:31:33,809 --> 00:31:36,061 Fettuccine Alfredo. 625 00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:38,480 Time to carbo-load. 626 00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:46,822 Just remember, folks, it's not about winning. It is about finishing! 627 00:31:47,864 --> 00:31:49,741 On your marks, 628 00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:52,661 get set... 629 00:31:54,121 --> 00:31:55,789 (Gun fires) 630 00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:10,595 On your left! Wow, you're fast. 631 00:32:10,679 --> 00:32:13,348 Doing great, Michael! Look at you go! 632 00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:14,724 That's my boss! Yeah! 633 00:32:14,808 --> 00:32:16,518 Think I'm fast? 634 00:32:16,893 --> 00:32:19,980 I'm very fast. I'm like Forrest Gump, 635 00:32:20,063 --> 00:32:22,732 except I am not an idiot. 636 00:32:25,068 --> 00:32:27,279 Stanley: Oh, yes, I will work out today. 637 00:32:27,446 --> 00:32:31,408 I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause. 638 00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:36,997 I've walked two marathons. I'm pretty sure I can handle a 5k. 639 00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:40,834 Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance. 640 00:32:46,089 --> 00:32:47,382 Yeah. 641 00:32:49,217 --> 00:32:50,469 Oh, we're in last place. 642 00:32:50,552 --> 00:32:51,612 Oh, would you look at that? 643 00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:52,888 Darn it. 644 00:32:57,601 --> 00:32:59,853 Water? Water? 645 00:33:02,564 --> 00:33:04,483 Water, babe? No! No water for me! 646 00:33:04,566 --> 00:33:07,736 Not while rabies causes fear of water! Solidarity! 647 00:33:08,111 --> 00:33:09,654 Michael, that's irrational. 648 00:33:09,738 --> 00:33:11,281 Rabies victims 649 00:33:12,073 --> 00:33:16,745 have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. 650 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:19,331 So, the least I can do... 651 00:33:20,832 --> 00:33:24,878 Oh, god, my nipples. It's starting. 652 00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:28,298 Can we get another round? Okay. 653 00:33:28,381 --> 00:33:29,424 Thanks. 654 00:33:31,718 --> 00:33:34,304 So we've got what, another 20 minutes? 655 00:33:34,387 --> 00:33:35,722 More or less. 656 00:33:38,558 --> 00:33:42,521 That fettuccine is sitting in my stomach like a rock. 657 00:33:43,438 --> 00:33:46,441 You got nothing to worry about. I put imodium in Toby's coffee 658 00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,151 before the race. 659 00:33:48,235 --> 00:33:49,736 Excehenfl 660 00:33:49,945 --> 00:33:51,988 Simpsons. 661 00:33:52,072 --> 00:33:53,782 Wait, imodium or ex-lax? 662 00:33:55,367 --> 00:33:57,077 I'm making great time. 663 00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:00,330 Usually, I'd have to take a bathroom break halfway through a race like this, 664 00:34:00,413 --> 00:34:02,916 but not today. 665 00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,672 An estate sale. Want to go in? 666 00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:11,473 I don't know. I'm really committed to winning. 667 00:34:11,550 --> 00:34:13,969 Okay, butwhat if I told you that all the money you spend here 668 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,805 goes to preventing a disease that's already been cured? 669 00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,223 Yes. That's what I thought. 670 00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:19,558 Yeah. Right? 671 00:34:20,100 --> 00:34:21,810 Let's do some good. 672 00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:23,478 (Telephone rings) 673 00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:25,039 Pam on answering machine: You have reached the offices 674 00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:26,189 of dunder Mifflin Scranton. 675 00:34:26,273 --> 00:34:27,816 Currently, the entire staff is out 676 00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:32,654 doing the Michael Scott dmsmpmc rabies awareness pro-am fun run race. 677 00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:34,751 Michael on answering machine: For the cure. 678 00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:35,949 Pam: Leave a message. 679 00:34:38,577 --> 00:34:42,247 Oh, god. Alfredo sauce. 680 00:34:43,498 --> 00:34:44,666 I'm getting a stitch. 681 00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:45,750 (Groaning) 682 00:34:47,961 --> 00:34:51,214 God! Watch the nipples, Kevin! 683 00:34:51,298 --> 00:34:53,049 Back off me. 684 00:34:53,383 --> 00:34:54,503 How are you feeling? Better? 685 00:34:55,802 --> 00:34:58,888 Well, you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat. 686 00:34:58,972 --> 00:35:01,308 The vet is removing all of sprinkles' organs right now 687 00:35:01,391 --> 00:35:03,226 and sending them to the lab. 688 00:35:03,393 --> 00:35:05,103 I am a farmer, Angela. 689 00:35:05,186 --> 00:35:06,229 What does that mean? 690 00:35:06,313 --> 00:35:08,249 Okay, when a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, 691 00:35:08,273 --> 00:35:11,026 that has no quality of life, that has no utility, 692 00:35:11,109 --> 00:35:14,529 a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do. 693 00:35:15,238 --> 00:35:17,115 You did kill her? 694 00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:19,826 I sang her her favorite songs. 695 00:35:19,909 --> 00:35:21,328 You put her in my freezer. 696 00:35:21,411 --> 00:35:23,663 It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. 697 00:35:23,747 --> 00:35:26,333 I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep. 698 00:35:26,416 --> 00:35:28,894 Well, then, she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out. 699 00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:30,478 Well, I'm not responsible for that! Get! 700 00:35:32,756 --> 00:35:33,798 It's okay. It's nothing! 701 00:35:33,882 --> 00:35:34,966 I'm robbing her. 702 00:35:35,050 --> 00:35:36,402 It's nothing! It's nothing! It's fine! 703 00:35:36,426 --> 00:35:37,427 What? 704 00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:39,346 How could you do that without telling me? 705 00:35:39,429 --> 00:35:42,474 I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. 706 00:35:42,557 --> 00:35:46,394 I took care of that cat the best way I knew how. 707 00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:49,606 Cat heaven is a beautiful place, 708 00:35:49,689 --> 00:35:52,025 but you don't get there if you're euthanized. 709 00:35:52,484 --> 00:35:55,612 I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. 710 00:35:55,695 --> 00:35:57,781 Well, he's not great, but he's pretty good. 711 00:35:57,864 --> 00:35:59,658 You don't understand. 712 00:35:59,741 --> 00:36:02,243 Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit. 713 00:36:04,621 --> 00:36:07,957 Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother. 714 00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:10,710 Huh? Angela? 715 00:36:10,794 --> 00:36:11,795 Don't touch me, Dwight. 716 00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:26,101 You like it? It's kind of designy and cool. 717 00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:27,519 It was $8. 718 00:36:28,228 --> 00:36:30,105 Oh, and I get to carry it. 719 00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:47,247 And the winner is Toby Flenderson. 720 00:36:48,832 --> 00:36:50,875 Have a seat. I'll write it down. 721 00:36:55,547 --> 00:36:56,798 Where are we? 722 00:36:56,881 --> 00:36:59,759 I don't know, like five kilometers from the office. 723 00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:03,596 He couldn't have made it a circle? 724 00:37:12,021 --> 00:37:13,732 I am not going to finish. 725 00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:18,236 I can't beat rabies. 726 00:37:19,195 --> 00:37:20,321 Nobody can beat rabies. 727 00:37:20,405 --> 00:37:23,366 Rabies has been around for a thousand years 728 00:37:23,450 --> 00:37:26,119 and I was a fool to think that I could beat it. 729 00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:34,085 Yeah, probably. Hey. 730 00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:37,046 Michael? 731 00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:41,342 What are you doing here? Did you come back for us? 732 00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:42,927 I can't finish. 733 00:37:43,887 --> 00:37:45,680 I feel so weak. I just... 734 00:37:45,764 --> 00:37:47,056 Well, you're probably dehydrated. 735 00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:48,725 What do you want me to do, Jim? 736 00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:50,035 Glass of water would be a start. 737 00:37:50,059 --> 00:37:53,062 No. There are people 738 00:37:53,146 --> 00:37:58,026 all over the world with all sorts of problems and afflictions and diseases. 739 00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,903 They're deformed 740 00:38:00,570 --> 00:38:03,364 and they're abnormal and 741 00:38:03,448 --> 00:38:06,493 they're illiterate and ugly. 742 00:38:06,785 --> 00:38:08,703 Symphonies don't have any money. 743 00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:10,997 Public TV is bust. 744 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,917 I can't do anything about it. I can't, you know... 745 00:38:15,001 --> 00:38:16,836 There's just one of me. 746 00:38:17,295 --> 00:38:19,547 And there's a thousand of them. 747 00:38:20,715 --> 00:38:22,050 And rabies wins. 748 00:38:22,133 --> 00:38:24,594 Wow! You are a downer. 749 00:38:25,345 --> 00:38:27,138 We were having a pretty nice day. 750 00:38:27,222 --> 00:38:28,473 I'm still having a nice day. 751 00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:30,475 You are? Yeah. 752 00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:34,521 Hey, Michael, look at this lamp. $8. 753 00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,272 That's a good deal. 754 00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:40,693 And Michael, you don't have rabies, 755 00:38:40,777 --> 00:38:44,155 and chances are you're not going to get it anytime soon. 756 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,492 So, you don't really have to think about it too much. 757 00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:51,538 Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done. 758 00:38:52,705 --> 00:38:57,627 Yeah, but there's other, better people out there who are helping. 759 00:38:57,710 --> 00:39:02,048 You just don't think I am capable of making a difference. 760 00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:06,594 I know you, Michael. I saw you naked. 761 00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:08,763 You don't... 762 00:39:09,597 --> 00:39:11,349 You don't know me. 763 00:39:11,516 --> 00:39:14,644 You've just seen my penis. I can make a difference. 764 00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:17,939 Remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off 765 00:39:18,022 --> 00:39:19,983 by hitting Meredith with my car. 766 00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:25,029 And I owe it to her to finish this gd 5k. 767 00:39:30,410 --> 00:39:31,744 No! No! 768 00:39:31,828 --> 00:39:33,538 (Panting) 769 00:39:45,174 --> 00:39:51,055 Michael: Finishing that 5k was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. 770 00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:58,146 I ate more fettuccine Alfredo and drank less water 771 00:39:58,229 --> 00:40:00,315 than I have in my entire life. 772 00:40:00,398 --> 00:40:01,941 (All cheering) 773 00:40:02,025 --> 00:40:05,069 People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. 774 00:40:05,153 --> 00:40:09,991 Well, today, I had a triumph of the human body. 775 00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:12,827 That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end, 776 00:40:12,911 --> 00:40:14,704 my guts and my heart. 777 00:40:17,332 --> 00:40:21,336 And while I eventually puked my guts out, I never 778 00:40:22,712 --> 00:40:24,797 puked my heart out. 779 00:40:25,214 --> 00:40:27,884 I'm very, very proud of that. 780 00:40:30,595 --> 00:40:32,180 Hey, Michael. 781 00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:33,389 Hey, mere. 782 00:40:33,932 --> 00:40:35,892 How are you doing? Better. 783 00:40:35,975 --> 00:40:37,560 It's ironic, isn't it? 784 00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:40,271 I mean, I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water 785 00:40:40,355 --> 00:40:43,775 and you're in it for a disease that causes a fear of water. 786 00:40:44,859 --> 00:40:46,986 I'm in because you hit me with your car. 787 00:40:47,862 --> 00:40:51,991 But I want to say, I heard you were trying really hard, so 788 00:40:52,867 --> 00:40:54,661 I'm not mad at you anymore. 789 00:40:55,411 --> 00:40:56,621 Thanks. 790 00:40:57,455 --> 00:40:59,707 I'm not mad at you anymore. 791 00:41:07,548 --> 00:41:08,800 Want to share? 792 00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:11,010 Sure. 793 00:41:11,094 --> 00:41:12,428 I'm not really sick. 794 00:41:20,561 --> 00:41:21,938 No, I'm good.