1 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:08,842 Are you swallowing them whole? 2 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:11,803 You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue? 3 00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:12,887 Yes. 4 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:14,073 Why aren't you having any, Angela? 5 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:18,309 Oh, I ate so many already when no one was looking. 6 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,311 (Laughing) Yeah, right. 7 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,772 My baby's dieting. 8 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:26,067 She wants to fit into a special child-size wedding gown for our big day. 9 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:27,444 Why do those exist? 10 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:28,987 It's from my pageant days. 11 00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:32,031 I was miss tiny mid-Atlantic bride when I was 10. 12 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,283 Probably heard of it. 13 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,243 Brownies, is it? 14 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,245 Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? 15 00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:38,872 No, thank you. I'll stick with myjerky. 16 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,165 So why'd you come in here? 17 00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,749 To socialize. And inform. 18 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:45,170 Brownies! I'm taking two, 19 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:49,215 so I can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on. 20 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,425 Much healthier. 21 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:51,718 You taking two? 22 00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:54,429 Yeah, but one of them is for Toby. 23 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:57,515 Yeah. Why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica? 24 00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,143 I'm just gonna hand it to him right now. 25 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:01,853 Okay, weirdo. 26 00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:03,313 Why's that? Why's that weird? 27 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:06,232 She said she was going to give it to him right now. 28 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,860 She's probably going to because they sit next to each other. 29 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,653 Yeah, they used to. 30 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:12,697 Toby works here again. 31 00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:14,365 Oh, can you imagine? 32 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:17,202 Oh, no. You don't know. 33 00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,870 I don't know. What? 34 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,456 You should probably just meander back there, 35 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,917 take a look, see if he's back. 36 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,210 Dare I? 37 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:26,294 (Laughs) 38 00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:29,422 You know what? I'm going to, for old time's sake. 39 00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,976 Great practical joke, Jim. Got me to go to the annex. 40 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:46,981 Hi, Michael. 41 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,191 (Screaming) No! God! 42 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:53,279 No, god, please, no! No! No! 43 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:30,358 I blame the two of you. This is your fault. 44 00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:32,735 Michael, Dwight and I were talking about this, 45 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:36,155 and we both don't understand how you didn't realize Toby was back. 46 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,508 I'm concerned you may have brain damage. 47 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:41,619 You cannot expect me to keep track of all of my personnel. 48 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:45,623 There are a lot of people here and a lot of different shapes and sizes. 49 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:50,336 And there is nothing that is even vaguely interesting about the way that he looks. 50 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:51,879 So, I'm off the hook. 51 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,257 Maybe you cleaned your ears too vigorously with q-tips. 52 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,110 I know where this is going. You hurt the temporal lobe... 53 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,861 I'm not going to stop putting q-tips in my ears. 54 00:02:57,885 --> 00:03:00,179 I don't care how much it hurts! 55 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,558 Maybe I just block Toby from my mind. 56 00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,852 Oh, interesting. Confinue. 57 00:03:06,894 --> 00:03:09,063 Like someone who's molested. 58 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,151 Doesn't remember it for years. Toxic shock syndrome. 59 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,819 Maybe it's Stockholm syndrome. 60 00:03:14,902 --> 00:03:16,779 Maybe it's China syndrome. 61 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,906 Could be any one of them. It's a messed up world. 62 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,992 It is a messed up world. 63 00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:23,911 But it's our messed up world. 64 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,923 Oh, come on! Do you see this? 65 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,427 Disgusting. 66 00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:44,432 Michael: Look at him. 67 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,393 With his stupid face. 68 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:51,189 Stupid tan. 69 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,567 Yeah. He looks great. Well-rested. 70 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:55,818 No. He looks worse. 71 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,904 (Phone ringing) 72 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,578 Yeah. 73 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:06,847 Woman: David Wallace is on the line for you. 74 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:09,582 Thank god. David, hello. We need your help. 75 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,209 Da vid: Michael, is everyone okay? 76 00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,294 Oh, well, I'm afraid not. 77 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:17,965 Toby Flenderson of hr has made a sudden reappearance. 78 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,677 I don't understand. Is anyone hurt? 79 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:24,806 Not on the surface, no. But I can tell people are disturbed, David. 80 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:28,726 Michael, you texted me, "911, call me." 81 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,603 Yes. All in caps. 82 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,689 Do you know what "911" means? 83 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,149 I learned a while back that if I don't text "911 84 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,735 people will not return my calls. 85 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,904 But now people always return my calls, 86 00:04:39,987 --> 00:04:44,200 because they think that something horrible has happened. 87 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,412 Da vid: Toby was hired back because he knows the branch, 88 00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:51,165 he was available, and I like him. Okay? And that's that. 89 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,252 With all due respect, David, this hardly seems like a dialog. 90 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,129 That's because it isn 't, Michael. 91 00:04:57,004 --> 00:05:00,258 Now, what I'm curious about is how you were able to go an entire week 92 00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:02,385 without knowing a member of your staff was there. 93 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,304 I did not want to go back to the annex 94 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,099 because that is where Holly worked, whom I loved. 95 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,350 Also, it's icky back there. 96 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,686 That's true. People say it's icky. 97 00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:15,440 Okay. I have to go. 98 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,024 David, wait. No. 99 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,444 Is there no way we can get rid of him? 100 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:20,987 Not without cause, Michael. 101 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,488 I have cause. 102 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,574 It is because I hate him. 103 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,452 You have to get along with Toby. 104 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:28,703 Yep. 105 00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:29,787 I don't. 106 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:30,913 Goodbye, Michael. 107 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:35,918 Don't do that. 108 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:40,256 So, tunes, you still going to buy your old man's place? 109 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,508 Yeah, I am. Wait. How do you know that? 110 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,302 I didn't tell you that. 111 00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:45,803 No, I was just walking by your desk. 112 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,346 I saw some e-mails. 113 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,474 I got peepers of an eagle. 114 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:50,558 That's really not cool. 115 00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,642 So, Jim, 116 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,269 you're going to live in the same house 117 00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,605 that you used to pee the bed in? 118 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,024 Yeah. I guess, technically, kev, you're right. 119 00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:00,318 Today's a big day. Today's the day 120 00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:03,571 that I show Pam the house that I bought for us. 121 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:04,739 Without telling her. 122 00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:07,658 But it's my parents' house, the house I grew up in. 123 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:10,119 And, yeah, lbought it kind of impulsively. 124 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,915 I mean, the price was good, and I was helping out my mom. 125 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:16,000 It's got shag carpets. 126 00:06:16,083 --> 00:06:18,336 I mean, you can't blame my parents. It was the '703. 127 00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:21,547 And why would you want to buy ugly wood from trees 128 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:25,343 when you can have paneling and a painting of some creepy clowns 129 00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:28,805 that is apparently crucial to the structural integrity of the building? 130 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,182 She's gonna love it. 131 00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:33,267 Right? 132 00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:34,787 Could you guys all do me a favor 133 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,687 and just not talk about this until I tell Pam? 134 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:37,855 That'd be great. 135 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,525 You haven't told the missus about the castle? 136 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:42,235 You're in for a spanking, my friend. 137 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,862 Myself and my lady, no secrets. 138 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,656 Phyllis: Jim, don't listen to Andy. 139 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,366 I think it's so romantic. 140 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:49,575 Jim: Oh, thanks, Phyllis. 141 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:52,036 Bob bought our house without consulting me and I loved it. 142 00:06:52,119 --> 00:06:53,788 Yeah? You didn't mind not choosing? 143 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:54,872 Oh, no. Not at all. 144 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:58,209 But Bob's so extravagant, I knew it would be spectacular. 145 00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:01,128 There's a maze in the back like the shining. 146 00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:02,755 Where's your place? 147 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,633 It's on linden ave., by the quarry. 148 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,053 Cool beans, man. I live by the quarry. 149 00:07:09,136 --> 00:07:12,932 We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there. 150 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,017 Definitely, we should. 151 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,770 Oscar: "To whoever made the microwave mess. 152 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,856 "The microwave is a shared kitchen appliance. 153 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,459 "By not cleaning it up, you are basically telling whoever follows 154 00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:23,985 "that their time is less valuable, 155 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:27,113 "as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. 156 00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:29,907 "Sincerely, disappointed." 157 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,076 That is just obnoxious. 158 00:07:32,159 --> 00:07:33,828 Oscar: No kidding. Yeah. 159 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,707 Wait, what? The mess or the note? 160 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,876 The note. So "holier than thou." 161 00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:42,670 I liked it. 162 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,147 Don't you think the person who left the mess 163 00:07:44,171 --> 00:07:45,256 is the obnoxious one? 164 00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:49,468 The note is way more obnoxious than the mess. 165 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:54,056 "Sincerely, disappointed." Get off your high horse, Richie. 166 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,934 Just because someone likes things clean doesn't mean they're rich. 167 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,020 Nah. They're rich. 168 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:02,607 Yeah, I wrote the note. Not ashamed of it. 169 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:05,693 I'm not proud of it. It is what it is. 170 00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:08,696 Everyone keeps asking me if I wrote the note on the microwave. 171 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:12,033 It was rude and condescending and a little snotty. 172 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,286 I wish I had written it. 173 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:20,958 (Reading) 174 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,216 The nerve! 175 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,139 You want to see some real high-caliber acting? 176 00:08:35,222 --> 00:08:38,017 Well, Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served. 177 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:42,813 Hey, Toby. 178 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:46,150 Great to have you back, man. Seriously. Just... 179 00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:49,278 Just a real pleasure to see you again. 180 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,362 Thanks, Michael. 181 00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:51,614 You're welcome. Missed you. 182 00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:53,991 Missed you as part of our family. 183 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:57,286 Well, that's sweet. I missed you guys, too. 184 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,541 So Costa Rica, that was... 185 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,544 Did you have fun? That must have been fun. 186 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:10,174 Well, it was amazing, really was. Thanks for asking. 187 00:09:10,257 --> 00:09:11,676 Beaches were pristine. 188 00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:12,903 Nice beaches, pristine beaches? 189 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,220 Yeah. 190 00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,597 The whole thing was incredibly cathartic. 191 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,849 Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay? 192 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,036 Well, it's actually kind of hard to meet people, I found. 193 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,687 I bet. For you. 194 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:25,272 And, yeah... plus, it was hot. 195 00:09:26,273 --> 00:09:28,567 Hot. Why didn't you get an air... 196 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,903 Should've gotten an air conditioner for yourself. 197 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,071 Are you all right, Michael? 198 00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:34,490 Yeah, I am. I am. 199 00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:36,659 I tried. I tried. 200 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:40,871 I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, 201 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:45,543 but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail. 202 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,296 Ifeelhke I'm dying inside. 203 00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:53,843 Ifeelhke neve Campbell in scream 2. 204 00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,679 She thinks she can go off to college and be happy. 205 00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:59,765 And then, the murderer comes back 206 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:02,143 and starts killing off all of her friends. 207 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,023 Learned a lot of lessons from that movie. 208 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,566 This is just one of them. 209 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,319 Okay, just summarize. 210 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,238 Okay, fireable offenses include 211 00:10:14,321 --> 00:10:16,407 workplace violence and sexual harassment. 212 00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,534 That's it. That's it, perfect. 213 00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,327 We will get him to hit on somebody, 214 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,996 and then we'll catch him in the act. 215 00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:24,081 I love catching people in the act. 216 00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,475 That's why I always whip open doors. 217 00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:26,542 Me, too. 218 00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:27,918 Okay, let's get this started. 219 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,170 Okay. 220 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,173 What are you doing? 221 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,507 I am the bait. 222 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:34,592 For what? 223 00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:36,552 Menfmdrnedeskame. No, no, no. 224 00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:38,635 It's a good day, too. I'm wearing my mustard shirt. 225 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:39,930 You're the bait for Toby? 226 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:43,184 No. For one thing, he's not gay. 227 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,102 And if somebody were to be bait, 228 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,355 it would be Jim or Ryan or me. 229 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:50,066 Men find me desirable. 230 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,192 Yes. 231 00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:53,360 Sure they do, Dwight. 232 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,863 When it comes down to it, it's a health issue. 233 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,281 I should've written that. 234 00:10:57,364 --> 00:10:58,783 Yeah. 235 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,888 Why aren't you as mad or interested in this as me? 236 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:06,624 Oh, totally. Sorry, are we talking about the microwave still? 237 00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:08,125 Are you inching away from me? 238 00:11:09,376 --> 00:11:11,128 Reach your arms out. 239 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,131 I'm always this close. 240 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:17,468 (Singing) Pamtown ladies sing this song doo-dah doo-dah 241 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:18,719 hello, Pam. 242 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,513 Jim, may I have a moment with Pam, please? 243 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:21,639 (Cell phone rings) 244 00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:24,225 Yes. I just have to take this call anyway, so... 245 00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:27,978 His mistress! No, I'm kidding. 246 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,605 No one would ever cheat on you. 247 00:11:29,688 --> 00:11:31,148 You are the complete package, Pam. 248 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,274 What do you need, Michael? 249 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,236 Okay, what I would like you to do is take this folded note 250 00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:38,989 and deliver it to Toby Flenderson. 251 00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:42,576 I want you to just react to whatever this note elicits. 252 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,328 Do not read it beforehand. 253 00:11:44,411 --> 00:11:45,496 Can you do that for me? 254 00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:46,956 Sure. Good. 255 00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,250 No, no, no, no, don't... 256 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,752 "Please hug and kiss me, no matter how hard I struggle. 257 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,516 "I am too shy to tell you that I love you." 258 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,090 Damn it, Pam. You gave me your word. 259 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,222 You have a good day? 260 00:12:05,432 --> 00:12:08,269 Hey. Hey, guys, that's really inappropriate. 261 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,023 What's up? 262 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:15,359 I got some photos from Costa Rica 263 00:12:15,442 --> 00:12:17,069 if you want to see them. 264 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,904 Yeah, yeah, I'll see them. Cool. 265 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,365 Toby, can I see those? 266 00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:23,868 What's the matter? What's the matter? You scared? 267 00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:25,011 Okay, those are fighting words. 268 00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:26,036 You mad? You mad at me? 269 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,681 I hope he doesn't haul off and just hit you. 270 00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,307 Do you want to do that? Do you want to hit me? 271 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,208 You want to punch me? 272 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,228 Michael: He might do it. I dare you to. Punch him, Toby. 273 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,461 Comeon comeonm 274 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,546 what's the matter? 275 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,173 Hit him. Hit him, chicken! 276 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,632 Yeah, punchhhn. Hey, hey. 277 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,217 Come on, Ryan. Whose side are you on? 278 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,385 Dwight: Ryan, come on, man. 279 00:12:41,468 --> 00:12:42,636 No, do it. Do it. I dare you. 280 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,947 Punch him as hard as you possibly can 281 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,282 in the face. I dare you, Flenderson. 282 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,449 Not... not as hard as you can. 283 00:12:46,473 --> 00:12:47,641 Just a good, solid punch. 284 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:48,726 Come on, come on. 285 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,228 I'm not going to punch you, Michael. 286 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,939 Are you really not going to punch him? 287 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,316 No, why would I punch you? 288 00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:56,942 Son of a bitch. 289 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:07,578 Should have hit him, man. The guy was asking for it. 290 00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:09,622 Once in a lifetime, man. 291 00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:14,919 "Hey, whoever was bashing the first note, grow up. 292 00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:18,130 "The microwave is filthy and no one here is a maid." 293 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,716 See? Someone around here is sane. 294 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:25,179 "You are all a bunch of idiots and privileged ass-wipes who weren't raised right. 295 00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:28,390 "If I find you, I'm gonna knock your teeth out." 296 00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:31,602 Yikes. That's a little over the top. 297 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,188 Their heart's in the right place. 298 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,173 I thought you were going to parcel those out 299 00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:44,557 through the day. Would you stop it? 300 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:47,493 You haven't done anything helpful all day. 301 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:54,708 There's still one thing we can do to get Toby fired. 302 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:56,210 What's that? 303 00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:01,548 Frame him for using drugs. 304 00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:03,592 Hamehmfl yeah. 305 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:07,346 It's illegal, but everything they do on the shield is illegal. 306 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,682 I've never framed a man before. Have you? 307 00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:11,433 No, I've framed animals before. 308 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,144 I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. 309 00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:17,481 And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage. 310 00:14:17,564 --> 00:14:19,692 It just seems awfully mean. 311 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,737 But sometimes, the ends justify the mean. 312 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,914 Punch you, Michael. 313 00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:47,636 Hello. I've seen you guys around. 314 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,096 I'm Michael Scott, dunder Mifflin. 315 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:50,848 How you doing? 316 00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,979 So I guess you know why I'm here. 317 00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,189 I need to purchase something. 318 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,025 Like a fridge? No. 319 00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,614 I wanted... 320 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,950 I wanted to buy some weed from someone. 321 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,035 What? 322 00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:12,244 Grass, weed. 323 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,039 What makes you think we'd have weed? 324 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:18,125 I heard you were drug... I heard you dealt. 325 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:25,799 Hey, just hold on one second. 326 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:31,638 I'm not wearing a wire, so... 327 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,515 Why would you even say that? 328 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,601 Hey, it's going to be $500. 329 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,269 How much? $500. 330 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,563 It's a good price. It's a steal. 331 00:15:39,646 --> 00:15:40,856 How many pounds is that? 332 00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:42,524 Leo: It's two pounds. 333 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,569 I'm losing money on this, man, just give me the money. 334 00:15:45,652 --> 00:15:46,652 Okay. 335 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:48,447 All right. Walk away, walk away, walk away. 336 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,825 Hey, Pam? I just wanted to let you know, 337 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:55,412 I'm totally on your side with the whole microwave situation. 338 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,122 Thank you. I was just back there 339 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,625 to make some cup-a-soup, the thing is still a huge mess. 340 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:00,788 I know. Can you believe it? 341 00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:02,753 Yeah, it's crazy. 342 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:07,007 But I guess the thing is, at some point, notes or no notes, 343 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:10,886 someone's going to have to just get in there and clean it up. 344 00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:14,723 I guess that's why we have a temp, huh? 345 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,602 Oh, no, trust me, I would just make it worse. 346 00:16:18,685 --> 00:16:20,497 How would wiping it with a paper towel make it worse? 347 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,523 I would find a way. 348 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,167 You've seen things clean before though, right? 349 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:27,528 I... Pam, I am hopeless at that stuff. 350 00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:33,283 Hi, Michael. 351 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,743 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 352 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,703 I forgot... I forgot... 353 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:42,519 Dwight: (Whispering) Yes. I repeat, 354 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:45,003 a drug dealer is on the premises of dunder Mifflin. 355 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,381 His name is Toby Flenderson. 356 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:52,010 And he recently returned from a mysterious vacation in Central America. 357 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:55,055 I have risked a great deal to tell you this information. 358 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:58,475 My name is Andy Bernard. Andrew Bernard, that's my name. 359 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,018 See you soon. 360 00:17:03,730 --> 00:17:05,023 Pervert! 361 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,484 Angela, I didn't do that. 362 00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,754 So is this what they taught you at your fancy art school? 363 00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,655 Why would I draw a penis on my own note? 364 00:17:11,738 --> 00:17:15,159 Why do you wear bright colors? For attention, Pam. 365 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:18,579 Everyone, I have an announcement to make. 366 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:23,917 I'm the person who put the first note on the microwave. 367 00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,545 But I did it because it needed to be said. 368 00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:28,839 Why did you hide behind anonymity? 369 00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,592 Because I was scared. But if that's my only crime, 370 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:34,219 is it a worse crime than leaving a filthy microwave? 371 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,345 Amen. 372 00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:36,472 Don't. This is for real. 373 00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:39,183 Just clean it up yourself if it bothers you so much. 374 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,350 It's not my mess. 375 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,604 It would've taken less time to clean it up than to write all those notes. 376 00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:44,730 That's not the point. 377 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,733 Listen, New York, that might fly... 378 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,360 Why? Because I went to New York for three months? 379 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,362 That and the black sweater, Manhattan. 380 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,948 Okay, yes. I went to New York, everybody. 381 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,867 I'm not gonna apologize for it. 382 00:17:56,950 --> 00:18:00,412 I experienced more there in one week than I experience here in three months. 383 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:01,872 I love New York. 384 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:04,642 You know, I especially love that people there cleaned up after themselves. 385 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:07,753 Well, iwork too hard all day to be maid here, too. 386 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,214 I got a mess to clean up at home, plus I'm a part-time maid. 387 00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:11,590 And what about the penises? 388 00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:13,800 I thought those were funny. 389 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,778 I didn't do them, Phyllis. Oscar: It's the anonymity 390 00:18:15,802 --> 00:18:17,638 that I find so cowardly, Pam. 391 00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:19,723 Really? Can you just get over that part? 392 00:18:19,806 --> 00:18:22,976 Why should I? You couldn't get over the messy microwave. 393 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,478 What? 394 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:29,733 I can't do this. 395 00:18:29,816 --> 00:18:30,901 Can't do what? 396 00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:34,530 It's not fair to you and it's really not fair to me. 397 00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,133 Wait, what are you saying? I broke up with Darryl so I could be with you. 398 00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:39,493 That was your choice. Don't put that on me. 399 00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:41,328 I'm just going on a little trip. 400 00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:42,412 Can I come? 401 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:43,747 It's not that kind of trip. 402 00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:45,850 I'm going to Thailand with some friends from high school. 403 00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:47,251 Well, a high school. 404 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,253 And if I don't do it now, I'll never get to go. 405 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:50,480 And I'll always resent you for it. 406 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,464 You don't want me to resent you, do you? 407 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:53,840 So you're dumping me? 408 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,801 Let's be adults about this. 409 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,719 Let's have sex one more time, 410 00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,430 and if you have any extra cash, that would be amazing. 411 00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:04,184 Okay. 412 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,022 Hi. We received a call. 413 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,941 I don't know anything about that. 414 00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:14,236 We were tipped off about a possible narcotics situation. 415 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:15,320 Here? 416 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:16,989 Hey, Pam, hey, I got this, okay? 417 00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:18,991 Hello, officers. Dwight schrute, 418 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,784 former volunteer sheriff's deputy. 419 00:19:20,867 --> 00:19:22,786 Listen, I may have inside information 420 00:19:22,869 --> 00:19:26,081 that someone is hiding drugs in this very office. 421 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:33,672 Just pretend like we're talking until the cops leave. 422 00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:40,178 Those are real cops. Real guns. 423 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,430 Wonder what's going on. 424 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,725 Officers, I reveal to you the perpetrator. 425 00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:46,310 Hey, what is this? Search his things. 426 00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:47,954 Sir, could you step away from your desk, please? 427 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,479 Sir, please step away from your desk. 428 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:50,689 Hey, what's going on? 429 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,399 You don't have my permission to do this. 430 00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:54,202 They don't need your permission, Flenderson. 431 00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,069 They've got the company's permission. 432 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,362 Hey, hey, what are you... 433 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,655 Why are you doing this? 434 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,407 You know what? I think this... 435 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:01,843 This is probably a misunderstanding. 436 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,219 Don't search my stuff. Policeman: Sir. 437 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:05,537 I have a reasonable right to privacy. 438 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,664 Save your whining for the jury there, Flenderson. 439 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:08,766 Yeah, let's just cancel this, okay? 440 00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:09,791 Toby: Michael? 441 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,186 Sir, did you recently return from a trip to Central America? 442 00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:13,211 Oh, my god. 443 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,355 I went to Costa Rica for a few months. 444 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,065 Michael: No, no, no. That was legitimate. What is going on? 445 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,775 Michael: That was totally legitimate. Hey, check this out. 446 00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,159 Michael: Oh, god! That is not mine. 447 00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:20,987 Turn around please. I have never seen this before. 448 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,488 No, no, no, no, god! What is going on here? 449 00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:24,072 No, that's... I don't know what that is. 450 00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:25,617 Do you have any weapons? Of course not! 451 00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,351 I bet he has nothing to do with that. 452 00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:28,518 That's mine. 453 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:29,603 No, Michael, no! 454 00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:30,687 Yes, it's mine. 455 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,106 Some basil. 456 00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:34,935 And salad dressing, I think. 457 00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:36,026 Salad dressing? 458 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:37,861 Yeah, it's a caprese salad. 459 00:20:37,944 --> 00:20:39,946 There's a little bit of mozzarella right there. 460 00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:41,990 Are you kidding me? 461 00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,284 That's my salad. 462 00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,769 So wait a minute. There's no drugs? 463 00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:46,828 Policeman: No. 464 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,705 Oh, damn it. Come on! 465 00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,749 We got a fake tip. 466 00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:51,893 Wait, officers, are you sure you 467 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,210 don't want to interrogate him? 468 00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,053 Policeman: No. You have laws that protect you 469 00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:56,630 in any kind of interrogation. 470 00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:58,465 Why don't you use them? 471 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,512 You must feel pretty good about yourself right now. 472 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:07,974 I didn't put caprese salad in my drawer, Michael. Did you? 473 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:12,270 Since when is it illegal to put caprese salad anywhere? 474 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,320 You know, the police could have been out there, 475 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,776 catching real criminals, instead of here, searching my stuff. 476 00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:19,379 Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? 477 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:21,071 That's what you're worried about? 478 00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:23,740 You're worried about the cops' time. 479 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:27,577 You think I framed you and you're worried about the taxpayer? 480 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,163 God! 481 00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:36,461 Welcome back, jerky jerk-face. 482 00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:41,883 You said you were leaving, and you made liars out of all of us. 483 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:42,967 I did leave. 484 00:21:43,009 --> 00:21:44,094 Yes, you did. 485 00:21:44,177 --> 00:21:45,387 And then you came back. 486 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:48,724 Which makes you the biggest liar of history. 487 00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:50,267 I don't see it that way. 488 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:53,645 Do you want to hear a lie? 489 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:54,730 What? 490 00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:56,148 I think you're great. 491 00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:58,108 You're my best friend. 492 00:22:02,362 --> 00:22:04,531 Hey, do you mind if we make a stop on the way home? 493 00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:06,032 Cool. Sure. 494 00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,723 What are we doing at your parents' house? 495 00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:13,498 I have a surprise for you. 496 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,876 All right. Ready? Close your eyes. 497 00:22:16,543 --> 00:22:19,546 And now, open your eyes. 498 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:21,715 Ta-da! 499 00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:25,886 I don't get it. 500 00:22:25,969 --> 00:22:27,095 I bought it. 501 00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:30,265 It's ours. 502 00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:36,521 Let's go inside. I'll show you inside. 503 00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:40,525 So if you can believe it, I did it without a realtor. 504 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:43,820 Saving on closing costs is good. 505 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:47,741 And we can put all the money to de-shag the carpet. 506 00:22:49,409 --> 00:22:53,205 Which I think will help the color situation. 507 00:22:56,082 --> 00:22:58,418 Yeah, I am really sorry about this. 508 00:22:58,502 --> 00:23:02,005 I tried to move it, but he is really nailed in there. 509 00:23:02,589 --> 00:23:04,549 Worried about art theft, I guess. 510 00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:07,093 A lot of art thieves in this neighborhood. 511 00:23:09,596 --> 00:23:15,185 This is the master bedroom, but I'm actually not allowed in here. 512 00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:18,063 So, I'm still in the process of converting the garage. 513 00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:20,065 It's got great light in here. 514 00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:25,111 And I was thinking it could be perfect for an art studio. 515 00:23:36,122 --> 00:23:38,375 Look, I know. 516 00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:40,001 I bought this without asking you. 517 00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:43,797 And it doesn't look great. I know that. 518 00:23:44,631 --> 00:23:48,301 And if you really hate it, I totally understand. It's just... 519 00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:49,719 I love it. 520 00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:52,889 You do? 521 00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:55,100 Yeah, I love it. 522 00:23:55,183 --> 00:23:56,184 Really? 523 00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:57,727 I mean, you bought me a house. 524 00:23:57,811 --> 00:23:58,895 Oh, my god. 525 00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:00,564 You bought me a house! 526 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,108 Yeah, I did. 527 00:24:11,491 --> 00:24:14,536 Do we have to sleep in your parents' bedroom? 528 00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:17,747 No. No, we'll just board that up. 529 00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:21,293 It'll be that weird spare room that people ask us about. 530 00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:22,502 And the clown? 531 00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:24,838 Yeah, I really can't move him. 532 00:24:27,173 --> 00:24:28,758 What is my perfect crime? 533 00:24:28,842 --> 00:24:31,094 I break into Tiffany's at midnight. 534 00:24:31,177 --> 00:24:35,015 Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. 535 00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:37,267 As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. 536 00:24:37,350 --> 00:24:38,560 She tells me to stop. 537 00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:40,645 It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. 538 00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:43,064 I say no. We make love all night. 539 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:46,276 In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. 540 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:47,777 I tell her to meet me in Mexico, 541 00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:50,113 but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. 542 00:24:50,196 --> 00:24:52,449 Besides, I like the cold. 543 00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:53,992 30 years later, I get a postcard. 544 00:24:54,075 --> 00:24:56,620 I have a son and he's the chief of police. 545 00:24:56,703 --> 00:24:58,622 This is where the story gets interesting. 546 00:24:58,705 --> 00:25:02,459 I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the trocadero. 547 00:25:02,542 --> 00:25:04,182 She's been waiting for me all these years. 548 00:25:04,210 --> 00:25:05,712 She's never taken another lover. 549 00:25:05,795 --> 00:25:08,089 I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. 550 00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:10,884 That's where I stashed the chandelier.